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Prioritising: how to prioritise + use it effectively to take control of your life.

Hi girlies🐩💗 So yesterday i was incredibly lazy and unproductive and pathetic. I didn’t do any work and i was mostly on the screens. The worst part about it is that it was unintentional. Meaning that if it was planned as a “off day” bc i did a bunch of work that week, it would be fine. But it wasn’t planned. And it felt utterly horrible.

So i decided to take control of my life because i have no one to blame but MYSELF. I am in complete control of myself so now i am going to use that to my best advantage. It’s time to…

✨prioritise what matters✨

This is a step-by-step guide to how to prioritise what actually matters to you and then acting on it. So without further ado, lettuce(random pun sorry) begin :)

Step 1: figure out whats important to you/ your goals.

What’s important to you in life? Is it being online and scrolling on your phone all day? Or is it getting good grades, staying healthy and happy? What is it? Identify this first.

For me, its:

Time with loved ones

Enough sleep

Good grades + being smart & educated

Looking and feeling good + taking care of myself

Having hobbies & skills

God

This is the first step to learning how to prioritising things. It’s not about doing a bunch of hard work for something that you dont even care about, it’s so that you can do a bunch of hard work for something you do care about, so you’re working towards a goal.

Step 2: make an action plan to achieve/ accomplish these.

So now that you know whats really important and what matters to you (aka your goals), create some bullet points/ things you can do to achieve those goals.

For example;

Goal: spending more time with loved ones

Spend time with my sibling

Talk more to my parents

Call grandma / friends

Goal: getting high grades + being smart & educated

Study study study. Study for tests at least a week in advance

Read a lot. Not just what you normally read, read outside your comfort zone! (So for me this would be history, classics, arts & fashion, etc.)

Listen to podcasts about different things

Goal: feeling & looking good + taking care of myself

Wash hair 2x a week

Skincare

Pamper yourself + self care days

Exercise

Going outside/ walking

Posture!! (Calling YOU out)

Final: execution

Once you know these mini goals/ habits/ steps you need to take, then its time for the most important part:

Execution.

Doing all this, is completely USELESS if you don’t apply it to your life. So now it’s time to actually do it.

“B-b-but i dont have time!”

Um okay.. but you have time for scrolling? Use this thing i once heard called “time stealing”.

Whenever you catch yourself scrolling or doing something unintentionally unproductive, then stop yourself and use that time instead on doing something that moves you towards your goal.

Having the steps you can take to reach those goals written down somewhere means that whenever you feel bored or need something productive to do, you have those things to go to!

Xoxo, Vanilla.

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I shared with this lady today that my fitness is non-negotiable and is a reflection of the strength of my spirit. I’m not on and off with working out nor do I work out to get ready for bikini season. I have worked out pretty much consistently for the last 20 years. That's because exercising my body is akin to breathing. It is one way I clear out the gunk from my mind and emotions which is liberation for my mental, emotional and spiritual health. It doesn't matter what happened the day before, I know that exercise, whether gym time, HIIT classes, pole dance, belly dance, aerial dance, pilates, running up hills, long walks in the city, climbing stadium stairs, or hot yoga fuels the life force pulsing and protruding through my body that makes me feel delicious in the best ways possible no matter what challenges I'm facing. Working out for me is not-optional. My ancestral mothers know that I am not meant to walk this earth disconnected from my body and feeling sluggish and incapable. Sculpting a strong back, a strong ass, strong legs, strong arms, strong feet, etc. are some of the most important parts of my spiritual practice. Said differently: Your body is truly the altar. Bless it with some offerings of fitness if movement is accessible for you. Allow these words to be your reminder to get up and get out. -India Ame'ye, Author

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remember to take care of your biggest investment (you).

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❥﹒♡﹒☕﹒ 𝗱𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗱𝘂𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘁𝘆

𝟭. high quality sleep ( 💤 )

never put your sleep on the back burner, 8 hours are not even enough, the younger you are the more you need sleep, especially if you are a woman. adult women generally need to sleep 9/10 hours a night, obviously the amount of sleep needed for rest depends from person to person, but always try to have a good, consistent sleep at night. if you ever think about sacrificing your sleep to study and/or procrastinate, know that you're only hurting yourself in the long run. without adequate rest, you will not be able to function properly and perform at your best the next day.

𝟮. eat nutritious meals ( 🍜 )

when was the last time you ate a nutritious, warm, homemade meal, honey? you should eat at least (AT LEAST) 3 times a day a real, cooked, warm meal that provide you with the proteins, fats and sugars your body needs to function normally. throw away packaged and over-processed snacks, they don't meet your energy needs and are simply full of empty calories that will make you feel sick and don't help your beautiful brain to function. eat lots of protein, which helps you build the muscle mass that keeps you healthy (i'll post about that) and healthy fats which keep your beautiful brain working – the brain is mostly made up of fats so don't be afraid of them! the important thing is to eat healthy fats that are good for our body.

𝟯. less is more ( 🧩 )

do less to achieve more. if you've ever made an absolutely unrealistic to-do list, raise your hand. overwhelmed by a thousand things to do we will never be able to make consistent progress in an area that interests us. it is not possible to do everything all the time and do it well, inevitably our energy runs out, our level of attention drops and we end up doing a little bit of everything badly. not all tasks can have priority, choose what to focus on and stick with it.

𝟰. be gentle with yourself ( 🌾 )

you're really giving it your all, why be so hard on yourself? the things you have done, the goals you have achieved, you should be proud of yourself and smile about it. demanding too much from your body will not lead to anything except burnout, remember that you are a person and not a machine, that you are not made to make every single hour of your day productive, and that it is okay to rest, because only thanks to rest you can face your day with the necessary energy.

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my goal in life is to become the most well educated, well dressed, well mannered, most successful, most humble person you'll ever come across.

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study now so you don’t have to cram later

‧˚₊•┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈•‧₊˚⊹

studying can be so calming when you leave yourself enough time to do it!

‧˚₊•┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈•‧₊˚⊹

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7 Reasons you might be procrastinating and how to solve them:

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Friendly reminder that you should

Write that fic

Draw your OC

Redesign that blorbo

Plan that comic how you want

Create the content you want to see

Be cringe

Be free

The only thing that matters is you having fun! Not what others think!

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🧁🍥STOP BEING LAZY AND PATHETIC🧁🍥

This post is my notes of Thewizardliz video on how to stop being lazy and pathetic. This account will be my digital notebook where I will write notes from Liz and Tam Kaur's videos ( LOL ) .

🧁WHO ARE LAZY PEOPLE ?

Lazy people are the forgotten ones. People that don't want to do anything with their lives, they will always end up on a sideline.

🍥REALIZE THAT NO ONE CARES IF YOU ARE LAZY

Everybody has problems. No one cares about your victim mindset and about how life was hard/ unfair for you. Life is unfair to everyone . Life goes on. Everyone is busy with their own lives. We got to get moving !

🧁YOU AREN'T LAZY , YOU ARE PRIVILEGED

People that need to survive have no option to be lazy . People that are walking up the stairs and they can barely breathe , they have no option anymore than to lose that weight. People that are so vulnerable and their bodies cannot handle of them being so underweight have no option but to lose weight. People that have to go to work otherwise there is no food on the table. They have no option to be lazy. If you have the option to be lazy, you are privileged.

🍥THE HALO EFFECT

The halo effect is when we see a beautiful person , we will think that they are less likely to do something bad because we associate someone beautiful with being a good person. Its the same way with successful person. If we see a successful person in any field , we will assume that they are successful in all their aspects of life. Suppose if a person have a successful business , we will automatically think that they are successful in their relationships and everywhere. If you are lazy , you can't benefit from the halo effect . It takes effort to be beautiful and to maintain beauty. We only see these successes , we don't see the progress. Most people are privileged and have it all but most people come from 0 and create it for themselves. It takes discipline.

🧁FOCUS ON YOUR LIFE FORCE : HEALTH , DIET AND RELATIONSHIPS

When you feel that you are lazy , focus on your life force . What is your life force ? Health and diet. Focus on moving your body and eat foods that don't spike your insulin and eat food that nourish your body. When you feel lazy or don't feel good , don't isolate yourself. Connect with your family and friends. Also focus on your relationship with yourself. What are you engaging your mind in ? Be connected to your own energy. Journal. Sometimes God or your guides are speaking to you but because your mind is constantly racing , you can't listen to them.

🍥CREATE ROUTINES AND STICK TO THEM

Humans need routines. You need a structurised routine. Sometimes we can't stick to routines but we need a base so we have something to go back to. I would like to add something here , I am reading a book by Brianna Wiest , it's called 101 essays that will change the way you think. There was line in the book . " As children, routine gives us a feeling of safety. As adults , it gives us a feeling of purpose ."

🧁CLEAN SPACE IS SELF RESPECT

Clean space is a clean mind. Not even cleaning after yourself is a sign of huge disrespect to yourself. Stop reading this and clean your room right now !!!!!

🍥THERE IS REASON WHY YOU MADE THAT COMMITMENT TO YOURSELF

Remember the reason . Remind yourself, " Why did I even start ? " " Why did I even want this goal ?" . If you don't want the goal anymore then do something else.

🧁THINK ABOUT WHAT STORY ARE YOU TELLING YOURSELF

If you are telling yourself that you are a lazy person , you will act like one. Your mom didn't carry you for 9 months just for you to say that you are lazy. Get a hold of yourself. Don't complain about how you don't have your dream life if you are lazy.

🍥REALISE YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR REALITY ANY SECOND

You can change your realities really fast if you start acting like the person you want to become.

🧁HEAL THE PAST AND MOVE ON

Go to therapy and heal from the past. You can change your story around . If you are a victim of trauma or abuse , don't just go around and tell people because they lose respect for you .

🍥YOUR BODY RESPONDS TO YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS

If you are constantly living in the past , reliving it , your body will make you ill. If you want a different outcome and different future, you have to do things differently. People around you don't need to change, you have the power to control that. You have the responsibility to heal yourself. What others did to you , it is on them . They will get their karma.

🧁ARE YOU LAZY OR DID YOU STOP PROGRESSING ?

People become happy when they start progressing. We constantly need that drive or something to strive for. Create a new project . Find a new hobby. Learn a new skill. Do something that you haven't tried before or pick something you used to love.

🍥TOO MUCH INFORMATION MAKES US LAZY

There is so much information on the internet to the point we don't know what to do. There are so many videos on the best diet , skincare or workout , we get consumed in other people's opinions and lives. We start filling their lives with our energy. ( Just a suggestion; you can search workout or skincare recommendations but at the end you should choose a diet or skincare or workout which suits you , not others )

🧁ARE YOU TOO CONSUMED IN OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES ?

If you wonder to yourself : Why do I not have any energy left for myself ? Because you are too consumed in other people's lives so you aren't living your own.

🍥FEELINGS ARE NOT ALWAYS RIGHT

Feelings are just feelings. If we all just react to go out of emotions we would all unalive each other.

🧁ALLOW YOUR FEELINGS TO PURGE AND YOUR BODY TO HEAL.

Feelings purge by you feeling them. Release your emotions , don't suppress them . If you suppress those Feelings, they will get stored in your body and might show up later as physical illness. Sleeping is also healing. Let your body heal. Once that's done , get up and do something . Don't dwell there for too long.

🍥WHAT DO YOU FEEL VS WHAT DO YOU WANT ?

If you feel like eating unhealthy food but then you want your dream body. It doesn't correlate. You need to have discipline.

🧁COURAGE IS BEING VULNERABLE

Go outside and try to meet new people. Do something which you wouldn't normally do .

🍥LEARN TO ASK FOR HELP.

Learn to accept help. Sometimes God send people to help you. Ask help from God and you will receive help in miraculous ways.

🧁BE PRODUCTIVE ON YOUR OWN TERMS.

What does productivity look like for you ? What are your goals? Create that productivity mindset and visions. What works for others may not work for you.

🍥ARE THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU DRAINING YOUR ENERGY ?

If you have toxic people around you , you are constantly around them , you are going to feel bad. Distance yourself. No one can make you feel upset, you have the control over how you feel.

🧁CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE ON SITUATIONS.

Most people are projecting their insecurities. Instead of feeling angry, have compassion for them. Similiarily , if you are going through a break up instead of thinking that they were the last person on earth. Think that your souls were meant to cross and then meant to separate. You learnt your lesson and they learn their lesson.Change your perspective on things .

🍥FOCUS ON THE THINGS YOU CAN DO

Think about three things you can do . What is your passion ? What makes you happy ? Who makes you happy ? Be grateful for these things. Realise that you can do alot and remind yourself of what you can actually do.

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be addicted to real dopamine

be in the present and notice those little things you never saw before, but that have always been there

experience new exciting things that bring you joy

love people, listen to them and create meaningful connections

make art and don’t label it as “good” or “bad,” just let your soul be free

stop scrolling on social media and start turning pages of an interesting book

do mindfulness meditation and feel your body and mind calming down

move your body, no matter how as long as you’re enjoying

listen to music that matches the moment you’re in

eat nourishing food, feel your stomach full without discomfort

get a good night of sleep and feel yourself ready for another day

[perplexedsblog]

Level up secret; resist the survivor's guilt and savior complex that follows making it out of the streets.

⚠️controversial opinion⚠️ but that's why you're here, isn't it?

Heres the rule of the journey, you never look back. Most ladies make it out of the dirt broke life then sabotage everything by refusing to cut ties with it in the name of *I dOnT wAnT tO fOrgEt wHeRe I'm fRoM*. Girl no, forget. In fact do everything in your power to erase that part of your life off, and if you can't use it as a oh yeah I made it, like Anna Bey and Ronaldo and Rihanna does, you pull a Jennifer Lopez and sabotage all your progress. We have a fun story in the Bible about a certain woman that couldn't resist the urge to look back and turned into salt, yes its that serious. They call the Bible the greatest collection of philosophy to exist for a reason, if you look back you turn solute. That survivor's guilt of I made it but my, usually relatives, didn't so I have to keep tied to them will sabotage everything. That little savior complex of needing to save everyone will be the end of you. The most loving thing you can do as a woman is be self centered and selfish.

If women were self centered and selfish the world would be a better place, I will die on this hill. If you want to social justice fix the world so bad be boujee and expensive and hot and intellectually unconquerable, that's your service. Salvation is for the men, it was Jesus not Mary. Could've been Mary. It wasn't.

When you make it out of the ghetto the people you left behind resent you. They resent you because you hold a mirror to them, you're proof it can be done & because they didn't you very directly call them lazy and unmotivated just by existing. You hold a candle to all their flaws. You say hey look it can be done so why haven't you? They stop cheering the second you're one step above them and the sabotage begins. The idea that because they're family they're on your side lol. I say human beings are animals first, the day you get this the day your life gets easy. Your family is the most animalistic to you because they can get away with it. Your dad is your dad there's nothing you can do about that. Your friends people please you because you can cut them off but your sister is your sister, you're stuck. In my tribe we say a ship sinks from the hole on its boards, not from the waves. It's all from within. Or we say the lice lives in your hair, it's not the things outside that harm you, downfall is always an inside man's job, who k1lled Tupac? Who betrayed Jesus? Who fought Meghan Markle the hardest? Your family and social group is the most animalistic to you because they can get away with it, the faster you cut them off the better. Yes I've been accused of being too cutthroat too edges and sharp points yes I'll admit to it, why, because I didn't grow up privileged enough for the people around me to hide how much of animals they can be, I've seen the world in all its colors.

Lets take two ladies, me being one of them. Let's call one Alison and the other, me, let's call me Jessica. So Allie and Jessi. We met in uni, first year. Two peas of the same pod. So I'm black and Allie is Chinese, and we both come from poor families. So Allie and Jessi of course hit it off because misery loves company, our classmates will just never understand why we aren't jumping on a plane to the Four Seasons because they're aristocrats and we have to pay our sibling's school fees, naturally we gravitated toward each other from the moment we met, first year first week I made a friend. Of course we have the same goals so we pair up, partners and all. The difference is,I immigrated in high school & went to a boujee school that taught me stoicism and self centeredness and how life works as early as 14. Allie came for uni so she grew up with her family that taught her to be the masculine provider and work hard to support everyone so she spent high school studying for 4885799 hours a day then doing six jobs at night to pay for daddys gambling and bro's video games-

in case I didn't say this the patriarchy isn't as insufferable in society as it is in your household. Your brother and father could easily easily easily be your first abusers, and they usually feel entitled to your free labor because they ArE mEn. Yes sometimes moms if she's a single mom but no one feels more entitled to your paycheck than your bro and dad, @ me and tell me I'm wrong.

Back to the story, I've learned to focus on me first then the rest while Allie has been taught all her life its them first then maybe her but that's selfish. Because she's hardworking with that traditional Chinese work ethic & we utilize my networks Allie gets a job that actually pays more than mine does- more power to her. In no time she has two high peyong jobs, bombing her classes and overall being perfect, good for her. Because we are friends I teach her all I can about personal finance and how to set yourself up for a great financial future and because she's the smart one she teaches me to study and balance my work and school and personal life. Symbiosis at best. Reciprocity. Second year we part ways because we chose different electives and she transfers campuses. It's good. After a while Allie wants to meet up. I've done well for myself now, being a young adult and all, and I expect being obviously the better one of us with more opportunities she's done better for herself, so we get coffee and I'm excited for all the tips I'm about to get because she's smart like that, always something to learn from her. We talk for a while and boom. Allie needs some money.

Hold on. Rev tf up. Did you get fired? Because I talked to your workmates and you're doing good? No she isn't fired. In fact she got a third job online. Okay then what's going on? How can you be broke when you are doing better than me? I'm struggling to make my one little job work?

You know I send money home.

All of it?

Well they keep asking. When I say no they guilt trip be about I left for the west and got white washed and bla bla bla bla in conclusion dad is draining my pockets dry to be able to brag to his little drunk buddies his girl is in the west. I can't say no.

Uh, you can. No. It's, two letters. One syllable. No. Easy Peasy.

You don't understand my family worked so hard to give me this opportunity-

No. They didn't. You did. You worked hard and won a scholarship out of thousands of people at a top university, nothing they did could secure you that. You did

Ma'am goes on and on about bla bla it's family so bla bla bla I can't forget where I'm from I'm not like you so I-

So I cut her off. If she were like me she'd be making more than a high earner in interests per month. If she were like me she'd be incredibly selfish and only send home a fixed amount and nothing above. If she were like me she'd understand you can't pour from and empty cup, now that you have nothing who's benefitting? If you said no they'd be mad for a while then you'd build a financial base and in three four years give or take you'd be able to send more than they're asking you for and not feel the burden of it , but you have to keep looking back, don't you? It'S fAmiLy? Okay and? So are you. Are you not THEIR family? Do you see then looking out for you? A doormat is a doormat, ma'am. Laying yourself for your family doesn't make you some kind of holier doormat, a doormat is a doormat. That survivor's guilt of I made it and they didn't will be the end of you, trust me on this.

When you leave, you cut your ties for a while, that's the name of the game. Sometimes you cut ties forever. Jennifer Lopez & her documentary getting roasted left right center by people from the Bronx because she's trying so hard to fit in but they resent her for leaving when they didn't. When you make it, either the people you left get inspired and pull themselves out or they resent you, there's no in between and more often than not it's the latter. Forget where you came from. Ronaldo is from the streets and he casually mentions it but do you see him trying hard to fit in? No. Rihanna will mention once oh yeah I come from the roughs of the Carribean, that's it. End of story. Trying so hard to reconnect with where you're from is a death trap, the people you left behind expect you to finance their lives so its yeah you're from here so pay all my bills and give me a job at your office or you're fake. When you get wealthy your family that isn't yet suddenly need a couple thousand every month & if you don't provide it you're a whitewashed sellout bla bla bla & even if you do give it they'll resent you more because they feel looked down on & once you show them you need their approval you're dead dead. The Anna Bey method of using your past to sell three figure courses is my favorite. When you make it and get famous it will be your childhood friends and ex classmates and cousins spilling all the negative tea about you and exaggerating. If Meghan Markle taught you one thing let it be this. You're on your own, kid.

We will talk about this, soon, but helping people only causes them to resent you. You make more enemies being charitable than being selfish, we'll get to this.

Resist that survivor's guilt thing and never look back. Ever. When you leave, leave. Change your name if you have to & get plastic surgery or whatever. Don't look back. Matter of fact do everything to never be associated with it outside acknowledgment.

START HERE.

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the devil’s whispers:

you can do it tomorrow (if you don’t do it now you’ll never do it ever)

you have a lot of time left (life is actually pretty short and we don’t have that much time)

you can skip this one little thing today (you are functioning solely due to the fact that you have a routine)

i must respond to this one thing that is bothering me immediately (you don’t have to do anything, it’s all in ur head)

I must check my phone (u don’t have to do anything, it’s all in ur head)

panicking is productive (panicking never makes a situation better, but in fact exacerbates it)

I must listen to music while doing the most minute task (u don’t have to do anything, it’s all in ur head. and I like music as much as the next person but moments of sheer silence are crucial)

I must befriend everyone (some people just don’t mesh together and that is ok)

I can skip working out for the day (working out does so much for ur physical AND mental health)

If misfortune happens to me it’s because I am uniquely unlucky (misfortune has nothing to do with preordained circumstances and everything to do with random odds)

If I am mistreated it’s because I am a horrible person and I deserve it (most times people are projecting their issues onto u and it has nothing to do with u)

if I make a mistake I am uniquely horrible (we are all human and we all make mistakes. the important thing is to hold ourselves accountable and learn from them)

I must have this one thing I really want now (u don’t have to do anything, it’s all in ur head. also whatever u want will still be here tomorrow so this sense of urgency is false)

I am uniquely hated/disliked/ostracized (most people are busy w their own lives and don’t have the time to be hating on u. and if they really are then their life is pretty empty and their opinion should not be held in high regard to begin with)

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20 traits of an attractive personality

thoughtful and warm affection

self-aware and self-reflecting with proper action

strong understanding and listening skills

a funny sense of humour

having responsibility for your own decisions and actions

being a supporting character

being thankful when others help you

taking pleasure in simple things

keeping promises

connecting with people deeply

treating friendships and relationships as priorities

nourishing yourself with good food

knowing your worth and accepting what you deserve

forgiving people for their mistakes and limiting their access to your life

taking care of your expenses

staying calm when others get angry at you

learning from people who are smarter than you, and not letting your ego interfere

being loyal and trustworthy in any relationship

taking care of your loved ones

always keeping your promises

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_ 𝓂anifest while you sleep 💤

humans sleep around 7 to 8 hours every day. most people think that their body is resting while they sleep, but that’s not true. subconscious mind is still working, when your conscious mind shuts down.

─── more theory. .

when you drift off to sleep, it’s easy to impress the subconscious mind because the conscious mind isn’t working. your subconscious mind accepts the ideas impressed upon it & will manifest them into reality.

─── how to manifest while you sleep .ᐣ

1 . visualise your desired thing, repeatedly until you fall asleep,

2 . affirm your affirmation(s) repeatedly while falling asleep,

3 . listen to subliminals as you fall asleep & during your sleep,

4 . script or read scripts just before going to bed,

5 . listen to recorded scripts while failing asleep & during your sleep,

6 . listen to affirmation tapes while falling asleep.

─── with 𝑙ove, 𝓋ittoria ♥︎

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take yourself on dates, treat yourself like your own best friend and do the hard things that you know will make you happier in the long run 🎀

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i know we're all sick of self-care being a marketing tactic now, but i don't think a lot of us have any other concept of self-care beyond what companies have tried to sell us, so i thought i'd share my favorite self-care hand out

brought to you by how mad i just got at a Target ad