peterdvdsn

[peterdvdsn]

𝕚𝕞𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕒𝕘𝕖 → 𝕞𝕒𝕦𝕕𝕖 𝕒.

pete: yo, are you back in the country yet? pete: your incessant need to get drunk and DM the cast of reality shows is catching. pete: i got fucked up last night & woke up to too many messages that i sent to what seems like the entire cast of love island UK. you did this to me.

[peterdvdsn]

Should I commission a painting for the next time I cry so you can hang it above your mantle piece? Real conversation starter for any guests that come round. Juicy -- is there any truth to those rumors? You guys got some "don't ask, don't tell" policy going on or have you just landed yourself into the most chill marriage ever? Why are we such muses? Can people like meet us and not get inspired for once?

has anyone ever told you how pretty you look when you cry over me? it's a fucking sight. one of us has got to be. according to the tabloids, my husband won't mind anyway. mess up my pretty lip gloss, maybe my pretty white frilly dresses along with it too. world's your oyster, pete davidson. jack made it a point to put his little lyrical easter eggs in his catalog of songwriting credits. think maybe taylor swift, definitely a lana del rey song, bleachers, etc. i'm finding out as i go. collecting them like pokemons. / @peterdvdsn

[peterdvdsn]

If you're a clinger, what does that make me now that I can't hear Josslyn and not think "yeah, she still wants me"? Main character syndrome is rife over here.

who's snitching ? need to block them asap. nah, you know i'm a stage 5 clinger, baby. those ten seconds of attention you gave me were clearly the most exciting thing to ever happen to me. might even write a book about it when i'm done fucking around on socials. i'll give you a shoutout in the dedication section. / @peterdvdsn

[peterdvdsn]

The fact I even exist in the same orbit as a couple as cool as you and Pedro is wild, so I'm taking this and running.

dare + @ someone here you’d take a chance on if they weren’t in a relationship

definitely happy with the one i got, but if we are speaking about what if's and alternate universes, i'd definitely shoot my shot with @peterdvdsn

[peterdvdsn]

It was pretty tragic there for a minute, I honestly think I could go longer without food than I could without getting some form of human affection. I love that glow women have when they're finally out of a relationship with a dick and finally regain their consciousness. Congrats on makin' it out. Just think -- there's really somewhere out there right now dating your ex, thinking they found the one.

oh fuck right... kim. i kind of forgot about that one amongst your list of girlfriends. but right, that happened. would be unlike kanye to mention anyone in a song that hasn't fucked him over. or at least what he deems to be being "fucked over". a whole week? wow, how did you survive that one? you think i could make a trash bag look sexy? cause if so, may just be the best compliment one has ever received. i think my ex said that once. but it was in a very condescending sort of way. then again, he's also a douche so no great surprise there.

[peterdvdsn]

The fact I haven't even got an answer for that question is pretty worrying, but I did move schools like seven times 'cos I got bullied so bad, so maybe I just couldn't hear anything over all the trauma. For sure, you're fine as hell, you'd definitely be able to make a sweaty fat man risk it all. Weird way to propose, Phoebe, but I accept.

what exactly do they teach you in school in the states? it is absolutely baffling. the ghost of Anne Boleyn? you think I'd hold the power for a man to divorce his wife and change the religion of a state? I feel flattered. I think it'd only cool if you actually marry them first...and you've never gotten that for, have you? @peterdvdsn

[peterdvdsn]

Well, I never thought I'd make it this far, so my 30th is gonna be one hell of a day either way -- I'm thinking I gotta go big, maybe a party on my boat. Say less, I kept my shoes on just in case this went in exactly the direction I wanted it to. Where are you at and what kind of food are you thinkin'? I'll bring the spicy food if you bring the spice everywhere else? I'll make up for all that time you've been lacking, you're in good hands.

You say that like thirty is old. But I always hear people say those are the best years. Damn just a 2, I'd say at least a 3.5. Ya girl has needs and it's been a minute. I'm not complaining if you wanna come take care of it. I'm kinda over hotels right now, I've been living the hotel life for the past month. I'd rather stay in my own bed and you can be my personal room service. Now that sounds like a great idea to me. Bring me some food and I'll pay you with Netflix and chill. Heavy on the chill... if you can handle it. || @peterdvdsn

[peterdvdsn]

It's just easier to cry and call you mean than having to look in the mirror, a'ight? Stop being so wise, I don't like it. Weird, my heart just skipped a beat too, but I'm pretty sure that's just the cocaine. Nah, let's do this and send you back to your husband with smeared lip gloss. You can tell him you were just living out your 13 Going On 30 swing-set scene. The playlists already the perfect amount of time it takes me to be done crying in the shower, but I'm intrigued -- what are the songs?

Am I mean or do most men just don't have what it takes to stomach their reality? Consider my ego inflated. You say the sweetest things, Pete. Makes my heart go pitter-patter. I would kiss you, but I don't want to mess up my pretty lip gloss. Maybe he didn't write a song about me, but I could pinpoint a few other musicians who did. If you're into that. Could add it to your Margaret playlist that you tune into when you're missing me. Don't we love the press? Always sticking their annoying noses in everyone's business. I've had a few issues due to their colorful publications. Don't get me started on it. If that's what it takes, god speed to you. / @peterdvdsn

[peterdvdsn]

I'm gonna pretend I know who the fuck that is before you get mad at me, but I can see you playing like...the ghost of Anne Boleyn in some upcoming drama, or some shit. Speaking of, when is it my turn to make history and get a musical about my wives or is it only considered cool if you behead them?

I do think I'd make for a picturesque mad woman, ideally in the spirit of charlotte bronte. I'm surprised you don't have little offsprings banging on your door with tiny fists asking for child support. A shared sentiment and thanks for indulging me, with the compliment and the phone sex I suppose. I'll choose the compliment, always, at least if I'm given the choice. @peterdvdsn

[peterdvdsn]

I gotta know this theory and I'm not above selling myself for it.

Who do we think is next on Pete Davidson’s list? My god let it be me! I’m trying to prove a theory

His type seems to be petite, preferably brunette and well-connected. Pete has a long history of bedding up and coming nepo babies as well, so if you have a famous parent, your chances have just increased by 50 percent.

[peterdvdsn]

You do that. The more you drag me online, the more I know you're thinking about me. I may not be on many socials, but I see you bringing me back into the conversation. It's real cute.

fuck, the apology freaked me out and i jumped the gun. whatever. just gonna go back to dragging you online and forgetting this conversation ever happened. / @peterdvdsn

[peterdvdsn]

One of the best comedians on the planet? Who paid you to say that? Is my mom stood behind me holding cue cards? Introduction's definitely not needed, but beyond being in a dope show, my knowledge is limited. Think this calls for a round of 'two truths one lie' so we can get to know each other a little better.

can i just say that 'buffy the zombie slayer' is now my new favorite reference. i was obsessed with buffy as a child, so being referenced to her by one of the best comedians on the planet is simply iconic. i suppose introductions are silly at this point since you clearly know something about me, but i'll roll with it. i'm alycia, and it's an honor that you even know i exist. @peterdvdsn

[peterdvdsn]

Gonna watch a mentally-ill amount of Cake Boss episodes tonight and probably get choked up while doing so, but other than that, nothing interesting to report. How about you?

You know I'm genuine with my compliments. How have you been anyway? Anything new and exciting planned? @peterdvdsn

[peterdvdsn]

And where the fuck have you been, Dianna? Seriously, you had like the whole world infatuated with you and then yeeted yourself out of existence. You been holed up in some turtle sanctuary in Madagascar, or something? Get back on my tv screen, I've missed you.

Oh goodness, that's quite a lot of information to take in all at once. I feel it's probably best to listen to the professionals rather than an individual who is rather controversial. Nice to meet you however Pete. I'm Dianna

[peterdvdsn]

Wouldn't expect anything less. I'm honestly surprised you didn't pretend to keep it going longer to see what you could weasle outta me for free. Shoulda milked it, homie, I would've bought a peace-offering jet.

water under the bridge, man. usually i like to hold grudges but i'm honestly over what happened between us. will i continue to pull your leg about it though ? always and you should know that. / @peterdvdsn

[peterdvdsn]

As someone who's stubborn as hell and only accepts help when I see how it's affecting the people around me, don't I know it. Look, I'm almost 30, these meagre looks aren't gonna last much longer, I got no time to waste. If you've always dreamt of pulling a 2 you'd better act fast before I vanish off the scale completely. Sounds like you're in need of staying in some lavish hotel room for a week and abusing the fuck outta room service.

Yeah... that's gotta be hard. I feel for the kids more than anything. It's difficult enough without having to deal with being in the public eye on top of it all. The hard truth is as much as we may want to, can't help someone if they aren't willing and open to it. Sometimes people gotta hit rock bottom before they reach that point of accepting help and it sucks watching that spiral. Ha, oh my god. I know that's right, fine like the fine print in a Diddy contract! Not wasting any time shooting your shot, huh? I can respect it. Might even be tempted to take you up on that. Touring is great, I love it. I just finished the other day and feel like I could sleep for like a week straight. Thanks, tiny desk was so fun. || @peterdvdsn

[peterdvdsn]

Reason #271947 why you're a better person than me, I was getting ready to go in on those motherfuckers. I don't know if you're expecting me to say something seedy like 'a blumpkin' here, but more time with you would be nice.

i dont disagree. im sure they're really something special. look at you with all the connections! i really wouldn't even let anyone waste their time, those morons are wasting enough of their lives away even bothering with their negative comments. that depends, what kind of prizes do you like? @peterdvdsn