petty-realistic

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This is his year.

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Come on founder/king of Athens, aren’t u gonna slay the Bull of Minos or not?

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I can't believe Sophie accidentally animated Howl's skull. What do you even....do in that situation?

When you flip the pov around you realize that most of howl's reputation is theater and the whole book was actually much, much weirder from Howl's perspective

You're a grad student. You want to study magic. You're emotionally stunted by a demon contract and chronically bad with women. You engage in moving castle shenanigans to avoid every responsibility that doesn't install itself in your house and refuse to leave. You're minding your own business, occasionally popping home to see the niblings.

Enter a women bespelled by your ex to look like a grandma who decides she's in charge of your house, your demon, and your apprentice, is utterly unimpressed with your theatrics, and is unconsciously doing magic stronger than you've been able to manage in years of study while so far in denial about her abilities that she jokes about being a witch

I would be furious

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i actually love the phrase "calm your tits" because it makes it sound like they're going to fly off or explode or something if i don't

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Love the American healthcare system where I’m getting a colonoscopy, a totally routine procedure, and have no idea how much it will cost me until I get the bill because 1) I don’t know what medications or supplies will be administered during the procedure until they shoot me up and 2) I don’t know what the cost of those medications and supplies will be because the hospital’s prices and the insurance’s plan allowance are both secret

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Sea Fever! My favorite poem in the world, especially as the season ends each year and I get nostalgic. I hope I’ve done it justice. _ other comics /art /ko-fi /patreon

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i have no idea what an olive garden is even like

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stepped on a plum (overripe plum) (barefoot) it was on the driveway got out of the car and accidentally (didn't know it was there) stepped on the plum (warm) (on the ground) (it had fallen from the tree) barefoot (no shoes) wearing long pants (too long) (need to hem them) plum viscera got on them (the pants) unexpected plum on the driveway (hot plum) (97 degrees out) already super hungover (throwing up all morning) (should not have been driving at all) and I stepped out of the car (black car) (97 degrees out) and onto the plum (unexpected) (didn't know the plum was there) and it burst (plum nightmare on my only good pair of sweatpants) still we find ways to keep ourselves going from day to day

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Tiny little dragons.

In tiny little wagons.

Drinking little beers from their tiny little flagons.

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This is a comment someone appended to a photo of two men apparently having sex in a very fancy room, but it’s also kind of an amazing two-line poem? “His Wife has filled his house with chintz” is a really elegant and beautiful counterbalancing of h, f, and s sounds, and “chintz” is a perfect word choice here—sonically pleasing and good at evoking nouveau riche tackiness. And then “to keep it real I fuck him on the floor” collapses that whole mood with short percussive sounds—but it’s still a perfect iambic pentameter line, robust and a lovely obscene contrast with the chintz in the first line. Well done, tumblr user jjbang8

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No, Mr. Horse, don’t worry, I certainly don’t have a Plinko down here! What I do have is this lovely cask of wine, specifically for horses, Amontillado in fact! Exquisite vintage.

I know you’re not supposed to be in this hospital, but if you’ll just follow me down this corridor—no, that’s not blood on the floor, it’s color theory, I’ll explain it later—I can bring you to this cask of wine that is certainly NOT a plinko machine—

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if you’re still not watching ted lasso may this scene with three grown men acting very cute convince you

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Tiny unit