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Little greenhouse by Victoria

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Your pic made me laugh. Miss you <3

Forever leaking :p miss you too, coley bear <3

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Breastfeeding is awesome.

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Average Life Goals

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My heart is whole thanks to these three.

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Welcoming Salem Rene

The evening of Sunday, March 6th, something felt different. I was over 40 weeks pregnant, miserable, and more than ready to welcome our daughter into the world. The Monday before, my doctor stripped my membranes for the first time. I was dilated only to a 1 and not much seemed to be happening. I was starting to believe I would have to be induced yet again. My body wasn't capable of doing things on its own with my first pregnancy and maybe the situation was repeating itself again.  The following Friday I had another appointment in the morning and when she checked me I was at a 3. Later that afternoon my son had his 12 month checkup and while we were there she offered to strip my membranes again and also check for any progress as I was having some contractions. Unfortunately I was still at a 3 but my cervix was a lot softer than it was that morning. My doctor said I very well could be in labor right then. But I was filled with doubt and didn't let the thought of possibly being in labor affect me too much. Now it is Sunday evening. My emotions were at an all time high but I chalked it up to being extremely pregnant. The later it got, the more I started to wonder if I was going into labor. I hadn't really felt any noticeable contractions. Sure my stomach was getting tight but like all of the other times before, there was zero consistency with what was happening. I had debated on talking to my mom about what was going on, but I decided against it. There was even a text all typed out for Shawn but I didn't send it in fear of it being another false alarm. Well, that and I didn't want to jinx it if it was the real deal. Finally I fell asleep sometime after 1AM. Not long before this, Camden woke up and wanted to do nothing but cuddle with me. Of course I accepted this because I knew any day now it wouldn't be just the two of us. Around 2:30AM, I woke up. All I wanted to do was roll over and get into a more comfortable position. Nothing felt weird or different when it came to my body. But as I sat up and moved slightly to the right, I felt it. I felt that ever so unpleasant gush of fluid come out of me. My water had finally broke! I don't know how I managed to get up as fast as I did but before I knew it I was hauling ass to the bathroom. My mom was awake as it was time for her to get ready for work. On my way to the bathroom, I yelled "Mom! My water just broke!" She was more than excited and I sure as hell couldn't blame her... however as I sat on the toilet soaked and in shock, I started to cry. I was TERRIFIED. The first person I called was Shawn. Do you think he answered? Of course not. Good thing we came up with a plan b for that exact situation! I called his sister and thank goodness she answered! She managed to get ahold of him and shortly after I hung up the phone with her, I decided to call Shawn again. He answered pretty quickly. Hearing his voice was such a relief because I knew he would soon be down and we could head to the hospital. The feeling of being calm didn't last long because the contractions started. When I was in labor with Camden, I didn't let my body feel contractions for too long before I asked to get the epidural. Part of me regretted not letting my body feel a true contraction because this time I was feeling them and had no idea what I was going to do to survive them. Andrea showed up not too long after I called her. While she hung out with Camden and as my mom scrambled around trying to get ready for work, I decided to make myself look somewhat decent while waiting for Shawn. In between contractions, which were a few minutes apart at this point, I worked on doing my makeup. Both my mom and Andrea were amused by this... I can't say I blame them. One second I am leaning over the counter, trying to breathe through a contraction and the next I am applying mascara. The pain was becoming stronger, closer together. It felt like I had been waiting forever for Shawn. My mom was ready to load me in her car and drive me to the hospital herself. Luckily Shawn showed up during a contraction that was painful enough to make me want to jump in any car that would take me away. Once we arrived to the hospital, Shawn pulled up out front and helped me out. I had every intention on walking myself through the doors but that became impossible as another contraction started. Shawn grabbed a wheelchair, loaded me up, and headed inside. You know those movies where the guy is so frantic he doesn't seem to know what he is doing? Yeah, that was Shawn. He flew past the front desk and only stopped when he heard the lady ask where he was going. He didn't know. I don't even think he knew what he was doing. As I got checked in, he parked the car. The lady working was trying to talk with me but I was more focused on the pain I was feeling than on what she was saying to me. Everyone seemed to be slightly panicked. My contractions were every one to two minutes and there was no way I could lay still and be quiet during them. One nurse was trying to get an IV started in my arm as I am yelling in pain. Her first attempt resulted in a blown vein, go frickin figure. I honestly felt really bad for her because she was trying so hard to do her job and do it fast but I was not having it at all. A lot of what happened during this point was a blur simply because I was in so much pain and all I could focus on was getting through one contraction just in time to feel the next one starting. Unfortunately, the doctor I had seen throughout my entire pregnancy was out of town... out of state, actually. I was kind of worried about a different doctor delivering only because I had such a great bond with my doctor already and throwing someone new into the mix during the most important part of this pregnancy scared me. Luckily the same OB nurse that helped me through Camden's delivery walked through the door and I felt such relief I could have cried. But I didn't since another contraction started up and I was yelling again. She rushed to my side and helped me through it though. Sandy is the best. The doctor came in and checked me. I was dilated to a 6! That surprised me big time. My body was doing it on its own! My original plan was to go through this without any help for pain, but I knew that was impossible. I asked for the epidural, praying it wasn't too late to get it. It wasn't! But the doctor informed me it might not make it in time with how fast things were progressing. Great. That made me feel fantastic. As we all waited for the epidural guy to arrive, I continued yelling and crying through contractions. I started to feel sick to my stomach. Right after I told Sandy I was going to be sick, she moved incredibly fast to get me something to puke in and I gotta tell ya the timing was perfect. This is where I have to brag about Shawn. He held that plastic bag under my face for me while I puked up everything in my stomach and even when I accidentally puked on him, he never hesitated once. In our almost two years of dating, this was the first time ever that he has seen me get sick. I was embarrassed! But Shawn? He handled it better than one could imagine. Minutes later it was time for me to get the epidural. Just hearing that he made it in time made me so happy. This happiness didn't last long. Shawn and Sandy both helped me sit up and get into the right position all while helping me get through another painful contraction. I don't remember enough of this moment to go into detail but I do remember breathing through a contraction, thinking of the song We Will Rock You by Queen, laughing while they shoved something into my back, and shaking uncontrollably from being cold. Oh, and a tmi moment- the amount of fluids that would gush out of me every single time I scooted or moved a little was insane... and disgusting. The epidural was in and helping tremendously when Sandy checked me. In that short amount of time after being checked the first time, which was maybe half an hour before, I had made it to 7. It was finally time to rest up and let my body work its way to 10. Resting for me was nearly impossible. My body would not relax and instead it shook constantly because I was still so cold, even with multiple heated blankets on me. They felt amazing but they didn't seem to do their job. I can't tell you how long I was resting after getting the epidural before I started to feel pressure, but it really didn't seem like a long time. I shrugged it off thinking there was no possible way Salem dropped that fast. With each contraction though, the pressure seemed to be more noticeable and it got to the point where I felt like I needed to mention it. We rolled myself from my left side over to my right side to see if it would help relieve the feeling, but it didn't. As I mentioned it again, Sandy decided to check me. Baby was right there and she was ready to come on out. Shortly after 6:30AM, I let those who needed to know that it was go time! This is when my determination kicks in. This was the one moment I had been ready for since July, when I found out I was pregnant. The nurses and doctor got everything set up and ready to go. Once my feet were resting on the stirrups, the doctor points out that she can already see baby's head (What?!) and I could probably give half a push then she would be out. (FOR REAL?!) I was ready. Shawn was ready. Salem was ready. The contraction started up, I took a deep breath, and pushed. I pushed so hard. She was going to be here any second. I didn't even take a break, only another small breath and continued pushing... that's when I felt that release. She was out. She was here. And boy was she loud! They placed Salem on my chest and I cried. I cried from happiness, from relief, from exhaustion. She was here and she was in my arms. Unfortunately she didn't stay in long enough because everyone missed her birth. Nothing breaks my heart more than knowing my Mom didn't even make it in time. Salem was on my chest and very content. This is when I notice my body rocking back and forth although I was not moving it at all. The umbilical cord was so thin that it tore and the doctor was manually removing the placenta from my body. Sandy even made a comment about the doctor literally being elbow deep in me. I was a puppet and it was extremely uncomfortable. Everything happened so fast, it's like a blur in my mind. My water breaks and just over four hours later, at 6:49AM, my sweet daughter was born. 7lbs 2oz 21inches long It was one of the best moments I have ever experienced.

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My sweet little girl made her entrance March 7th, 2016 at 6:49am! 7lbs 2oz & 21inches of pure perfection. Welcome, Salem René!

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Untitled // Jared Lank

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sans titre by Sid Black on Flickr.

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