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a short comic about witches and wishes and wanting things.

(all my comics are here!)

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Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.

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For those of you who wisely avoid Facebook have this excellent image from the San Antonio Zoo page.

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every time i see a picture of a coyote i am immediately like "omg my friend Cable Ties!"

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dude stop telling me to count dracula I only ever see the one

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And God said, "Behold! I have created the fourth primordial force: the weak interaction!"

And the angels all clapped and nodded politely, and there was a long silence; and finally Verchiel, the Angel of Grace, spoke up and asked, "Er, what exactly does it do, O Fashioner?"

And God said, "What do you mean, 'what does it do?' It's the fourth fundamental force of the universe."

And Verchiel said, "You mentioned that. Um. But it's just that the other three sort of have a brand, you know? Gravity helps build large-scale structures, acts over vast cosmic distances, shapes time and space. The strong force is secret, hidden, binding together quarks and all that. Electromagnetism, very cool stuff, somewhere in between. We're all big fans of the whole magnetic monopole double bluff, very clever. But, er. What does this 'weak interaction' do?"

And God said, "It mediates radioactive decay. Sort of."

And Verchiel said, "Radioactive decay? All radioactive decay?"

And God said, "No. Just some kinds."

And Zephaniel, the Chief of the Ishim spoke, and he said, "A whole independent force just to mediate some kinds of radioactive decay?"

And God said, "Well. Not totally independent. Technically it's related to electromagnetism."

And Zephaniel said, "Wait, it's not even a real force?"

And God said, "It's totally a real force. It's just that it's one aspect of a combined electromagnetic and weak force. An electro-weak force, if you will."

And Metatron, the Celestial Scribe, scratched his head at this, but said nothing.

And Cambiel, the Angel of Transformation, said, "Maybe you can walk us through it from the top."

And God Sighed an immense Sigh, and said, "All right, fine.

"So the way it works is that all of space and time is permeated by a field that has imaginary mass."

And Cambiel said, "Imaginary mass, O Generous Provider?"

And God said, "Yes, imaginary mass. It's tachyonic, d'you see?"

And Sarathiel, the Angel of Discipline, said, "Wait a minute, I thought we agreed nothing was going to travel faster than light? All that 'c' business and the whole Lorentz transformation thing. What's happening with that?"

And God said, "Let me finish. The field is tachyonic. The particles in the field all move slower than light."

And Sarathiel had to think about this for a second.

And God said, "The point is, a field with imaginary mass has a non-zero vacuum expectation value."

And this really gave Sarathiel trouble, since he had never been very good at math.

And God, seeing this, went back to explain. "Most fields, like the electromagnetic field, have no effect when they are at their lowest energy state. It's like they're not there at all. If you give a field imaginary mass, then it vanishes only when it's at a very high energy state, and at a low energy state, it has a nonzero value everywhere."

And Sarathiel nodded, but he was confused, because he didn't understand why God would create such a thing.

But Verchiel thought he saw where God was going with this, and he was amazed.

"Truly, you are cunning beyond measure, O Only One Certainly Sound and Genuine in Truth! Only now do I understand your design! For in order to make the universe homogenous and isotropic, it is necessary that all large-scale fluctuations in temperature and mass must be evened out early in the history of the cosmos; and therefore, you have designed a field which will rapidly expand space after the Big Bang, many orders of magnitude in brief moments, and then swiftly and spontaneously decay as it gives up the energy it began with, giving rise to radiation and particles of all kinds as it does, which will condense into the material universe! It is a wonder to behold."

And God said, "What? No. I mean I did, but this isn't the inflaton field I'm talking about. This is something else."

And Verchiel said, "Wait, it's not?"

And God said, "No, I'm going to use a different field to drive cosmic inflation. The properties of this field are totally different."

And now Verchiel was also confused, and lapsed into silence.

And God said, "Like I was saying, this field is a scalar field with imaginary mass, and it does spontaneously decay to a ground state with a non-zero value. But it's not the inflaton field. Instead it combines with the W1, W2, W3, and B bosons."

And Metatron began to flip back through the pages of the Heavenly Record trying to figure out where he'd lost the thread.

And Zephaniel said, "The what bosons?"

And God said, "The W1, W2, W3, and B bosons. I'm sure I mentioned them. You know, the massless bosons?"

And Zephaniel said, "I'm pretty sure we only talked about the W+, W-, and Z0 bosons. All of which you said were going to have mass, O Owner of All Sovereignty."

And God said, "Yes, but this is how they get them, you see. Once this field acquires a nonzero value everywhere, the massless bosons interact with it and get mass. Well, some of them do. They turn into the W+, W-, and Z0 boson. And the photon."

And Zephaniel said, "…and the photon, O Accepter of Invocation?"

And God said, "Well, I did say I was going to unify the electromagnetic force and the weak interaction, didn't I? This is how. Above the critical temperature--right now I'm thinking 10^15 K, but I'm open to feedback on that one--electromagnetism and the weak force act as a single unifying force. Below that temperature, the field gets a nonzero value, you get three massive bosons to mediate the weak interaction, and the photon pops out seperately."

And Zephaniel said, "That seems… a bit overly complicated, doesn't it, O Reinstater Who Brings Back All?"

And God said, "No, it's exactly what we need. Look, that way the W and Z bosons have something to do, but the weak interaction still only travels short distances. Gravity is still the star of the show on cosmic scales, as it were. But now quarks and leptons can swap their flavor!"

And Zephaniel said, rather weakly, "Their… flavor, O Source of Good?"

And God said, "It's this new quantum number I'm trying out, to give the three generations of matter more unique identities."

And Cambiel said, "Three generations of matter? Now I'm really confused."

And God said, "I'm sure I mentioned this. You've got the lightest quarks and leptons, and then two heavier versions of each that can decay into the lighter versions."

And Cambiel said, "What do they do? New kinds of chemistry, is it?"

And God said, "Well, no. Mostly they just decay in a couple microseconds. Or even faster."

And Zephaniel began to rub his temples, and Cambiel sniffed.

And Cambiel said, "This all seems a bit ad hoc to me. Not really the stuff of an elegant and obviously ordered Creation. Why not have four generations of matter? Why not a trillion?"

And God began to grow irritable, and said, "Well, that's not really up to you, now is it? We're going to have three generations of matter, and the electroweak force, and that's that!"

And Zephaniel said, "As long as we are unifying fundamental forces, perhaps we could somehow also unify the electroweak interaction with the strong interaction, or even gravity."

And God hesitated saying, "Well, I haven't decided about that yet. I'm not sure I want gravity to be quantized, you know? Seems to take some of the geometric elegance out of general relativity."

And now it was Zephaniel's turn to sigh, and he bowed his head. "As you wish, O Possessor of Authority of Decisions and Judgement."

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By the time the smoke had fully curled in on itself and solidified into flesh and bone, the air inside the circle was smouldering hot. It made the entry into the human realm less jarring, the demon found, and he took the time to flex his wings in the warmth before turning his eyes upon the figure in the robe.

“Speak,” he commanded. “And state why you have Summoned me.”

The figure raised her head to meet his eyes. “Is this a good time for you?”

The demon’s mind stumbled. “Excuse me?”

“Well,” the voice continued. “I did just summon you, like, out of nowhere. I checked all the spells to see if there was one to just send a message or something, but it seemed to be summon or nothing. If this is a bad time for you, I can absolutely try again later though.”

On second inspection, it wasn’t a robe his summoner was wearing. It was a long, sturdy apron. What his still adjusting sight had taken for a hood was a shawl tied round her hair. The demon stared at her with unblinking eyes. “It is as good a time as any, witch.”

“Oh good,” the witch smiled. “That’s a relief.”

“Why did you summon me?” the demon demanded again. This kind of small talk was highly irregular. He squinted at the stains on the witch’s hands, most of which he suspected were nothing more sinister than ink and juice. “What reason could you possibly have to call upon the likes of me.”

“Well, their names are Storm and Letitia and they need a babysitter.”

The demon stared at her some more. “They what-”

The witch met him with a smile of sunshine enthusiasm. “I checked your references in the Necronomicon, you are very good with kids!”

“I…” His bewilderment left him scrambling for words. “I tempted the minds of neglected children to cause them to swarm and lay waste to their town!”

“Yeah! It said in the book that they were all under ten years old and that there were at least twenty of them. That must have taken a lot of skill!”

The demon shifted his weight a little. When she put it like that… “It is one of my more infamous accomplishments.”

“Really impressive,” the witch nodded admiringly. “So I was hoping…maybe we can work something out? The kids would love getting to hang out with a demon.”

“Surely your kind has its own caretakers to hire.”

She deflated a little. “Yeah, well. Letitia has just started levitating and Storm is very focussed on animal transformations right now. Which is great! He’s so talented. But half the time he refuses to turn himself back when it’s time for dinner and, well, not everyone wants to deal with feeding a Iberian Lynx.

“Iberian Lynx?” he repeated, raising a ridged eyebrow.

“They’re both very fond of felines,” the witch clarified.

“I see.” The demon looked from the witch to the circle around him (it seemed to have been drawn with blue sidewalk chalk) and then to the room around her. There were several large diagrams on the wall with arcane symbols and occult sigils. Between them were drawings. A lot of them. Mostly of cats. Several of them had wings, or horns. He looked back at the witch again.

“Tell me,” he said, slowly sinking down into a cross-legged position on the floor. “Exactly how old are they?”

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Out of Touch