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piplet-blog · 6 years ago

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This isn't about #SeekHelp

This is about never stopping to seek help. This is my 20-year journey of medicating, quitting, self care, and switching medicine. I'm sure we all know people that have tried medication and stopped saying it didn't work for me.

Sure I believe in yoga for depression, religion, self-care and homeopathic care. Essential oils, salt lamps, happy lights, and amber beads, whatever. If not scientifically, then at least as a placebo. I am a religious person, but all the faith in the world, yoga, and whatnot will not stop the shit hitting the fan.

I am an advocate of medicine. Never stop trying to find what works because chances are it won't work the first time and it might make things worse. Like it did for me. Never stop trying.

I had recently lost a loved one to suicide. I stayed strong and held in feeling to support my family. But one day, my husband was back to his normal self as best someone can and I accidentally, subconsciously, let it go. Sadness isn't the only feeling that comes with losing someone to suicide. Guilt and regret, swoop in shortly after. Maybe I should have reached out more? She knew I loved her, didn't she? Did she realize I was there if she needed me? Maybe she didn't, I should have tried more. These feeling slowly started eating away at me. As anyone knows from losing someone that way. So, as anyone has fought depression in the past, knows feelings slowball. I was experienced, I knew it would turn into an avalanche before it got better. This was more than I could manage on my own. So I sought help, I knew better from years of experience.

I visited a psychiatrist. I did what I was told. I did. In the intake, she assessed me and switched my meds. It was helping, but it wasn't quite working, so I went back as scheduled. She switched the medicine, and I went on my way. It helped the depression but my anxiety was higher than normal, but I followed what I was told and thought nothing of it. At the next appointment, I said exactly what I was feeling, and she raised the dose again.

With this increase in meds, my anxiety was even stronger and I connected the dots. The meds were helping with my depression, yes but making my anxiety worse. There had to be one that would help with my depression and not heighten my anxiety, so I went back. The doctor advised me I was just on a low dosage and when she raised it this time, I'll feel better. I complied and went on my way.

But this time was different. I had gone home and followed her instructions and got worse again. The paranoia was off the charts. My panic attacks now made me shake. I would pace my hallways. And with the extreme paranoia came depression again, it came back because I was scared. Of what? Nothing at all. It was completely unwarranted anxiety. No rhyme or reason. Nothing. The doctor refused to listen to me whenever I went to those doctors appointments I had described everything in detail. And I had said my anxiety was getting raised since the beginning, but now it had avalanched. I couldn't survive another day like this. I tried calling, they were no help.

If I didn't know better after 20 years of doctors and depression, if I didn't have all the support I had, I don't know where I'd be. I knew it was the medicine, but at the same time I also knew I couldn't think straight either, paranoia had been ripping at my brain. I took a gamble. A BIG GAMBLE. I called my mother and had her come stay with me while I withdrew myself, which I advised to NO ONE. WITHDRAW off any kind of mental illness medicine without a DOCTOR IS A TERRIBLE IDEA. DON'T DO IT. I knew I would crash horribly. It was a horrible couple of weeks, I spent the first couple days literally sick to my stomach barfing. Then after I was too depressed to eat or get out of bed. Because of the sudden withdraw of the medicine, my brain was completely unable to cope with the lack of serotonin.

I got a second opinion immediately! Which is what I should have done first before withdrawing. The second doctor HEARD me, gave me the right medicine and I have been fine EVER since. Which is the moral of the story, sometimes people don't hear. You are the ONLY one who KNOWS how you feel. MAKE Sure they HEAR YOU! SEEK HELP, SPEAK UP AND SHOUT IT if you have too. People get second opinions for psychical ailments, there is no reason why you should just take the first psychologists opinion, get two opinions, get three. Keep seeking help! Don't give up! Be heard! Don't fight alone, fight with a whole team of help!

Don't seek help once and give up when it doesn't work, because it never works the first time. I've been changing medicine for 20 years! But eventually you will find what works and you won't be alone!

#suicide #suicideprevention #youarenotalone #seekhelp #beheard #depression #depressionfighter #depressionsucks

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piplet-blog · 12 years ago

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Cats and boxes. Not limited to house cats.

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piplet-blog · 13 years ago

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Being a Dog Is Like Being in a Videogame

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piplet-blog · 13 years ago

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What Video Games Have Taught Us

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piplet-blog · 13 years ago

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Boy Makes “Lick It” List For Dying Dog

In 2005 a dog named Bingo came into the life of a then 4-year-old boy named Cole Hein. Cole has an undiagnosed disorder which makes him suddenly stop breathing when he is asleep or even when he is awake. Bingo, the Jack Russell terrier was trained to recognize when Cole stops breathing and bark to alert his parents. Bingo has saved the boys life on numerous occasions.

Cole, 11-years-old is now able to fight the disorder on his own. While Bingo, now 14, was diagnosed with Canine Cognitive Dysfunction Syndrome. Unfortunately, Bingo does not have long to