pixystixx

[pixystixx]

The Letter I'll Never Send

This letter is to you, but I know it will never be sent. The main reason being that I know I’m not the one you want. My other reason is that this is really a letter for myself. I could write hundreds of words and fill up journals with the hope that you’d like me back. The hope is fiction. An untrue statement that will never change. No matter how much I beg and fantasize for us to exist in the same universe, it will never happen.

I think the worst part about it is I never got to know you, which is also a lie in a sense. I know your smile. The one that makes your eyes crinkle into a small line. The smile that has always sent a pang through my heart. I cherish your smiles as if they are for me. However I knew and know not a single one of your smiles is meant for me. I know the way your laughs, though few, rang through my ears. Each one I got to hear felt too good to be true. Even a small giggle from you sent butterflies soaring in my stomach. I know the way hearing your voice made any tough day seem great. The words that came from you were never for me. The few times they were I held them close to me. I turned them into hope within my palms. I know your eyes—how they’d still manage to meet mine in a hall full of people. The way they’d reflect your mood. I wish I would’ve held our eye contact for longer than a second. I wish I had the courage to not look away, just to prove to myself it was truly me you were looking at. I know that you’d stay up late many nights and how your personality each day reflected how much you’d slept. I always enjoyed the days you got more sleep, because it meant I’d hear you talk more. I savour those days. I know the look you gave me that one time as I talked. The way I felt my face turn to flames as I refused to look at you. I knew if I did I’d lose track of everything I was talking about. I’d give anything to have your attention on me like that again. Your eyes wide and directed at my face. I know that you have a big passion for sports. You always had some sports game, whether it be soccer, volleyball, or basketball. I do wish I had a chance to listen to you talk about how your game went. Maybe even watched you play once. I know how much you loved your family. You’d always cancel any and all plans just to see your brother who’d returned from college. You’d go as far as declining a call just to spend time with him. I do wish I got to meet some of your family. I’ve only heard great things about all of them. That your mom is sweet and offered my friend food after hearing about her tastes.

But I do feel bad for you too. You never got to know me. Sure, I chatter on and on in the one class we share, but that’s not really me. I’m always much too sleep deprived and tired by the end of the day to be who I really am. You never got to know the way you made me feel. Maybe if I told you how much your smile brightened my day it would be different. But I am like you. We are both shy. I just wanted you to know about me. I always wished you’d question something I’d say just so I had an excuse to talk to you because I was too scared to face you directly. You never got to know how much I’d write for you. I always refused to write for you or about you because it would mean admitting I’m far too deep in this. I wasn’t ready to do that. However the way you made me feel without even knowing it could fuel so many love poems. I do wish I had the courage to write and give you one.

I really wish you knew how it felt to hear you say that. How it felt to know the boy I’d pined over for so long had finally found someone he wanted and it wasn’t me. It’s selfish, I know, you weren’t mine to keep. But I wonder if that girl feels even a fraction of what I feel for you. I wonder if hearing what I heard would make her want to burst out into tears because it made me want to. I was barely even listening to you like I normally do. My ear just had to pick out you talking about how much you like her. Not about how you just like her a bit, but so much you won her over another one of your friends. It made my whole world stop. My ears rang, and I couldn’t focus for the rest of class. I knew you weren’t mine. I know you aren’t mine. But to know for sure it was true broke my heart. My selfish heart. The thing that held you so close even though you didn’t think about me for even a moment. All those glances I made up to be important in my head had been reduced to utter nothingness from a simple phrase. 

So, I’m getting over you. I’m writing you this letter, and it’s all to tell you that it’s over. No more of my selfish bullshit convincing myself you’d come around to me sometime. Maybe if I sent it things would turn out differently, but I’m still a coward. So enjoy this letter that I’ll never send.

[pixystixx]

i truly dont believe anything or anyone will ever get me--- understand me--- the way music does.

music is and will always be the thing that keeps me here above all, comforts me in times no one else could. music is the thing that truly speaks to me--- deep in my soul.

i experience and process the world through music. so thank you music for always being the stable thing in my life.

[pixystixx]

i dont think ive ever felt this empty

[pixystixx]

you are not alone.

please know i'm here for you. you are not alone. if you ever need to talk to someone, i can guarantee there's someone maybe even me. i know things are scary especially with the election results.

stay healthy you're loved. <3

[pixystixx]

Felix doesn't quite remember when it happened. When his legs carried him to the bathroom. When his knees bent to reach into the cabinet. When his arms searched for a box hidden deep under shampoos and tubes of toothpaste. When his fingers grasped the box and brought it back to his room. The only thing he remembers is being stuck in a black cloud of thoughts.

Or

Felix relapses and Chan finds him, disoriented and bloody.

Please don't read if you're sensitive to SH topics.

if that sounds interesting to you more on my page about it! xx

[pixystixx]

I got bored and wrote a 4 chapter thing about felix relapsing uhhh... i just find it comforting yk but anyways it has a little bit of hyunlix in it so pls go read it published on both wattpad and ao3

[pixystixx]

me after saying i was gonna post a fic for the 24037869 time in a row and then going ghost for 2954897639 months

sorry chat i been unmotivated i have like 14 drafts tho

[pixystixx]

i finished my bill fanfic!!

i'd appreciate it if you guys read!! i worked pretty hard on it and i feel like you can see my writing skills improve as it goes on lol. anyways go read and vote <3

[pixystixx]

isn't it great that you spend hours on writing something and it takes 15 minutes to read (i'm gonna go insane)

[pixystixx]

Hiiii can you do a pt 2 of you should date like maybe where reader and colby actually try dating but keep it a secret bc they just want it to themselves a but but a fan sees them together or smtg ??

You Should Date! (Part 2)

omg i'm sorry it's been like four months... i had to stop writing everything for awhile, so whenever i was writing i was only writing for my current fanfic. i finally am getting around to writing more things ago tho

colbybrock x f!reader

Summary: Colby and you decide to give dating a try after weeks of tension and subtle hints. The two of you agree to keep it a secret. That doesn’t stop you guys from doing fun things. You decide to go on a little cafe date, but the risk is too great. What happens when a fan spots you guys?

༻❦༺

“I’m just so lonely these days,” you sigh. You’re lying on Colby’s couch, complaining about your dating life. You’re trying to make it sound like you don’t have a massive crush on Colby. You think maybe if you act extremely desperate, he’ll cave and suddenly start liking you. 

“Am I not enough for you?” Colby teases. You shake your head and groan. 

“I’m talking about my lonely romantic life. Are you my boyfriend?” You ask, looking at Colby with a deadpan stare. His cheeks turn red, and he shrugs. “That’s what I thought.”

“I don’t understand why you’re so hung up on being single. I’m sure if you asked any guy out, they would say yes,” Colby explains, “Hell, I’d probably date you.”

“Yeah, right,” You laugh. Even the slight possibility of that happening makes your face heat up. 

“Y/N, you are so fucking oblivious,” Colby huffs. He leans into you and grabs your chin, pulling your lips together. His lips are soft and push gently against yours. You both pull away from the kiss and look at each other awkwardly. Colby’s lips turn up into a smile. You touch your fingers to your lips, the feeling of Colby’s still lingering.

“Colby…” you mumble, “can I be honest with you?” He nods his head softly and brushes his hair out of his eyes. “I’ve liked you for a while. I thought that you’ve been messing with me. Were you actually flirting with me?”

“Y/N, I–,” Colby whispers. He doesn’t finish his sentence and stares at you silently. You tilt your head, confused. Colby smiles, puzzling you further. “I’ve been flirting with you for a year. I wonder how anything gets into that thick head of yours.”

You sigh and pout at him, “My head isn’t thick.”

“It took you until now to realize that I liked you,” Colby chuckles.

“You like me?”

“Of course I do,” Colby nods, caressing your cheek, “Will you be my girlfriend?” The sudden question makes your cheeks turn red. You fidget with your fingers and look down at Colby’s couch. Colby tilts your chin up with his hands, making you look into his eyes. His attention is too much, so you lean into his lips. You kiss him softly, trying to convey your feelings to his lips. You pull away, and he asks, “Is that a yes?” You smile, ruffling his hair.

“Colby, your fans are gonna think I’m some evil hoe taking you from them,” You blurt out, realizing the terms you just agreed to.

“That’s why we won’t tell anybody.”

༻❦༺

It’s been a few weeks since you and Colby started dating. You’ve been keeping in on the low, only telling Sam and a few other friends. Everyone’s been happy for you two. Today, you and Colby decided to go on a small cafe date. Nobody’s noticed your little dates. In reality, the new relationship hasn’t changed anything between you and Colby. Why would the fans notice?

Colby holds your hand subtly, just in case people are watching. You two walk into a small cafe that’s practically empty. Colby pulls out the chair for you, being the gentleman he is. He sits across from you. 

“You look really pretty,” Colby compliments you. You smile and hide your blush with your hands. “You should wear that dress more often.” You nod, and he laughs at your quietness.

“What should I get? I know you come here a lot,” you say, switching the topic. Colby hands you the cafe’s menu. He points to a few things on the menu. Colby orders a sandwich and a coffee. You ordered a wrap and a latte that sounded nice. Another couple with a dog walks in. Your eyes glimmer at the sight of the pocket-sized puppy.

“Your dog is so cute,” you say to the couple. The couple smiles, walking over to you.

“Thank you! We just got him a week ago,” the woman responds.

“Ah, he’s so little,” you marvel, “Can I pet him?” The woman nods, and you pet the dog carefully. He wags his tail, and you smile brightly. “Thank you so much! Enjoy your lunch!” The couple waves, sitting down at a nearby table.

“You’re too cute, Y/N,” Colby teases, pinching your cheeks. You kick him lightly under the table as your cheeks turn pink. Your food arrives, and you guys eat happily. You take a sip of your latte and feel the foam coat your lips. You lick off the foam, and Colby laughs at you.

“What?”

Colby reaches forward and wipes his thumb across your upper lip. There’s white foam on his finger, and you laugh. He licks the foam off his finger with a smile. 

“You’re so clumsy.” You shake your head. He nods. You reach across the table to kiss him. You peck his lips softly before sitting down again. Hopefully, no one saw.

༻❦༺

After your date, the two of you went home to watch a movie. You open your phone to find the internet in shambles. 

COLBY BROCK, NEW GIRLFRIEND!!!

COLBY BROCK SECRETLY DATING HIS BEST FRIEND?!?!?!?!

Y/N AND COLBY BROCK CAUGHT KISSING IN PUBLIC!

You and Colby sigh before tossing your phones on the bed. “Shit,” Colby mutters.

[pixystixx]

someone save me from writer's block. it's literally endless 😭

[pixystixx]

sorry to everyone that submitted a request. i hope to get around to them soon. i've just been really busy and had lots of writer's block. its been a tough month lol. i've lost most of my motivation, but i'm sure it'll come back. i'm also trying to finish my current fanfic so thats my first priority. (wattpad @pixy_stixx) anyways i think i will start posting again soon.

[pixystixx]

Hi can you do 2023 bill kaulitz x 13 year old daughter reader where reader has a best friend who's a boy and is german-Lebanese and his name is hassan and he's tan and has Siren blue eyes and wears black glasses and he's quiet and calm and likes staring at the reader because it's his habit and he doesn't know English so the reader speaks German to him and Tokio hotel invites both of them to their rehearsal and while the boys are talking they notice the boy and reader being close to eachother like hugging and he's putting his head on her shoulder and laughing and the reader is doing something and he stares at her and the boys tell bill about both of them and what they're doing and bill goes protective mode and Georg tells him that they will get married when they grow up and (i ran out of ideas so you can make your own too)

My Little Girl

tysm for the request!! this one's kind of shortt, my bad. i'm running on four hours of sleep and i have to get up at 5 am tomorrow. lol

2023 Bill Kaulitz is f!reader's dad

Summary: You and your best friend Hassan go to your dad’s (Bill’s) band rehearsal. Your friend is very timid and quiet. During the rehearsal, you and Hassan hang out like you always do. You overhear Bill’s friends talking about how cozy you guys are with each other. Bill switches over to complete protective dad mode. (572 words)

༻❦༺

“Hassan!” you call out to your best friend, “Are you ready?” Hassan nods and smiles timidly at you. He follows you into the studio. Your dad, Bill, is already chatting with the other bandmates. His bandmates are Georg, with short, brown hair, Gustav, with even shorter, blonde hair, and Tom, with long, dark hair. Tom is Bill’s twin brother, so they'd look the same if it weren't for their drastically different styles. “We can sit over here,” you say, leading Hassan to two chairs. 

The band is chatting quietly, and silence fills the air. “What music does your dad play?” Hassan asks, pushing his black glasses up the bridge of his nose. 

“They used to play rock music, but they still do sometimes. They do a lot more pop songs now. I’ve played you some of their music before,” you ramble. While you talk, Hassan never breaks eye contact. His light-blue eyes stare into yours. It doesn’t bother you at all. He’s always done that. After you finish ranting about your dad’s music, they finally start working on a few songs.

“I forgot to do my math homework,” Hassan whispers, lips next to your ear. You laugh at him, and he frowns. 

You pull him into a hug and say, “I’ll help you with it. Ms. Kendra gives the worst homework.” You keep your arms embraced around him for a bit. You release him from the hug and stick your tongue out at him. Hassan laughs again and lays his head on your shoulder. 

“Y/N, do you want us to play your favorite song?” Bill asks, walking over to Hassan and you. You nod with a bright smile on your face. The band plays your favorite song, and you sing along with your dad. You dance around happily, and Hassan sits on the floor watching you. His eyes follow your every move. 

Even though Hassan looks happily content on the ground, you walk over to him and grab his hands. You pull him up and make him dance with you. His cheeks turn pink since he’s shy. You continue forcing him to dance to the song.

Hassan and you sit back on the ground after dancing for a bit. You two are out of breath and laughing. He lays his head back onto your shoulder as you two laugh.

“Bill, look at your daughter and that boy,” Tom laughs, pointing at you guys. Bill turns his head and shifts to a shade of pink.

“They’re definitely going to get married in their twenties,” Georg chimes in. Bill shakes his head in denial.

“No! My daughter will forever be my little girl. No boy can marry her, not on my watch,” Bill explains, practically fuming, “She’s too young to be having crushes. They’re just close.”

You and Hassan start laughing at your dad’s overprotectiveness. Bill’s face is practically the color of his pink button-up shirt. Tom walks over to you guys and crouches down to sit next to you.

“Your dad might be a little overprotective, Y/N,” Tom smiles.

“I’m so not, Tom!” Bill argues, “I just love my little girl.” 

“Dad, I’m 13 now!” you whine. Bill starts walking over towards you. Bill picks you up and throws you over his shoulder. You erupt in laughter as he shakes you around.

“If I can still pick you up like this, you’re still my little girl.”

[pixystixx]

Yk when you're reading like the juiciest fanfiction and you've been reading it all day and then you finish everything that's published, but the author didn't finish it. So then you go to check how long until the author will post more and they haven't posted in over a year. Like I'm devastated because that just happened to me.

[pixystixx]

Hi again! can you colby x young bestfriend reader where the reader is fourteen years old and shes bestfriend with colby since the trap house and she goes with brennen and colby are going to a restaurant and brennen is filming a video and brennen explains about how colby wont stop hugging the reader and colby hugs her to annoy and brennen goes silent and rolls his eyes and they almost go inside the restaurant and the reader trips on the floor and brennen stops his moves and looks at the reader and colby helps the reader and he's worried and he hugs her tightly and he tells her if she's okay and the reader is like I'm really okay and colby asks the same question again and the reader is looks at her and is like" I'm really okay ;D!) In a innocent mode and they go inside and colby tells her what she should eat and the reader looks at brennen and is like "what's wrong with him" and brennen like laughs and stuff happens

Bear Hugs

i hope this isn't badd. i'm sick and it's really late lol. ps sorry for taking forever to get around to this request. tysm for it babes! xx

colby brock is bestfriends with f!reader

Summary: You’re best friends with Colby and he takes you to a restaurant with Brennen. Colby is super protective and caring towards you, since you’re younger than him. Maybe sometimes a little too protective! (682 words)

༻❦༺

Colby pulls you into the thousandth bear hug of the day. You let out high-pitched giggles as you try to wriggle from his tight grasp. “Let me go!” you laugh.

“Colby quit hugging her. I need to film,” Brennen says, rolling his eyes. Colby lets go of you and scoffs before laughing. You guys are heading to a restaurant to film a video and are in the car, Brennen driving.

“Where are we even going?” you ask, looking out at the city passing by.

Colby replies, “This new Italian restaurant. A lot of fans say its good!” You nod your head and continue to look out the window. Brennen must’ve started filming because he started his intro, explaining what you guys are doing today.

“Okay, we’re here, Y/N and Colby!” Brennen calls out, parking the car. Colby helps you carefully out of the car. Brennen pulls his camera out and says, “Everyone, meet Y/N!” You wave shyly at the camera with a smile on your face. You aren't very comfortable on camera, despite hanging out with the whole trap house. “Colby has been hugging Y/N this whole drive here. He will not stop,” Brennen explains to the reader, poking fun at Colby.

“Yeah, so?” Colby laughs. Colby runs over to you and embraces you tightly in another bear hug. He’s hugging you in spite of Brennen, so you help him play into it a little. Colby’s around 6 inches taller than you, so he effortlessly picks you up off the ground in the hug. You kick your legs and laugh at the sudden loss of ground under your feet.

“See, you guys? This is what I have to deal with,” Brennen scoffs, rolling his eyes. Brennen starts to walk into the restaurant without you guys. You and Colby laugh before trailing behind Brennen.

While walking into the restaurant, like the clumsy person you are, you trip on a raised brick in the ground. The trip sends you flat onto your face. You lay on the floor for a second while Brennen bursts out laughing. However, Colby quickly springs you off the ground and pulls you into another hug.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Colby asks, genuine worry plastered onto his face.

“Yes! I’m fine!” you respond. You stand on your feet and brush all the dirt off your clothes. Colby pulls you into another tight hug.

“Seriously, Y/N, are you alright?” Colby asks frantically.

You clear your throat and laugh, “Seriously! I’m fine, Colby.” You smile cutely to convince him. Colby nods his head and gives you another quick hug. Brennen, laughing at the whole ordeal, gets you all a table.

You all sit at a table and begin to look at the menus. You rub the remaining dirt off of your clothes. The menu contains a lot of classic Italian dishes. They all sound SO good! Colby leans over behind your shoulder.

Colby starts, “One fan told me the chicken parmesan is so good! You should get that.” He points to the item on the menu and continues, “Or if you’re in a different mood, the fans also say the pizza is good!”

Colby is getting oddly excited over this food, slightly weirding you out. Like, what is he doing? You look at Brennen with a weird look pasted on your face. Colby continues rambling on about the food. “What’s wrong with him?” you ask, staring Brennen in the eyes. Brennen tries to hold in his laugh but fails and bursts out laughing.

Colby looks at Brennen and then at you. He has a confused look on his face. You immediately join Brennen in loud, high-pitched laughter. Colby stares, dumb-founded, at the two of you laughing your asses off.

“What?” Colby asks, looking innocently at the two of you.

“Oh, nothing!” you say in between giggles.

You eventually decided to get a chicken parmesan and shared it with Colby, who got pizza. Colby also continued to hug you throughout the entire day, earning many complaints from Brennen. The three of you had so much fun at the restaurant and made a great video.

[pixystixx]

You Should Date!

I APOLOGIZE TO WHOEVER REQUESTED!! Something got completely screwed up when i went to post!! I'm also sorry for now posting for forevs xx I'm back now and I wrote some more :)

Resquest: Hi! Could you write a colby brock x chubby reader fic where they have crushes on each other but don't know it? Maybe they're doing a video where they react to comments but a lot of them are about the two of them and how they should date because they're either always flirting with each other or Colby is super protective of her. 

colbybrock x f!reader

Summary: You've been friends with Colby for quite awhile. You guys are at one of his parties, but he wants you to stay after and film a video. When you guys film the video all of the questions are about you two flirting and Colby being different towards you. (843 words)

Warnings: some dude being kinda gross to the reader

༻❦༺

You’ve been at Colby’s party for a while, but it’s beginning to die down now. People you don’t know very well are starting to leave his apartment. You’re sitting on a couch next to Colby and a couple of his friends.

“Well, I’m gonna head out! See you guys later,” a brunette girl calls out, getting off the couch.

“See you,” Colby replies with a tiny wave. It’s only 5 p.m., but you feel like it’s your time to leave.

“Hey, Colby,” you say, leaning closer to Colby, “I’m thinking of heading out.” Colby’s eyes immediately dart to meet yours, and he looks at you with his eyes wide. He plants his teeth on his lower lip softly—a gesture you’ve learned over years of knowing him, meaning he wants to say something. “What? You have that look on your face,” you ask.

“Can you stay?” Colby asks quietly, making sure no one else can hear him. His question makes your heart flutter in your chest. You cannot handle being alone with Colby right now, so you open your mouth to say no. You’re quickly cut off by Colby saying, “Y/N, please. I wanna film a video.”

You sigh, knowing Colby will get whatever he wants out of you. Your only soft spot is one for Colby. “Fine, but this party better be out of here soon,” you answer. Colby smirks slightly and gets up from the couch.

You sit quietly, hoping not to be disturbed, but another guy you don’t know sits on your right. He smells of cigarettes and cedar and has an edgy appearance. “Hey, pretty,” he says, winking at you. His presence makes you uncomfortable, so you flash him a small smile. He suddenly puts his hand on your thigh and squeezes.

“Can you not,” you growl, moving his hand off your thigh. He goes to put back on your thigh with a scowl on his face.

“Get off of her!” Colby yells, dropping a drink on the floor. Colby grabs the guy by his collar and pushes him towards the door. “Get out! And never talk to her or me again!” he shouts, his fists bunched at his sides.

The whole apartment goes silent, and everyone stares at Colby and you. You clear your throat and whisper, “Can you tell them to go home?” Colby’s angry expression quickly softens, and he nods.

“Sorry for the disturbance, guys. Party’s over,” Colby announces, pointing to the door. Everyone shuffles out, which leaves you two alone.

~

After calming down, you and Colby started filming a video answering the fan’s questions about you two. “Hey guys! I’m here with Y/N, and we’re answering some of y’all’s questions!” Colby says into the camera, “Okay, first one! What are your favorite movies?”

“Ooh! Mine’s definitely Scream. It’s just such a classic!” you exclaim, smiling widely. While you talk, Colby looks at you with the cutest face, a slight smirk, and soft eyes. You feel your cheeks go red and try to cover it by shyly running your tongue along your teeth.

“What was that one we watched last week?” Colby asks. He looks at you patiently while you think. “Wait, I remember! The Shining.” You nod, and Colby looks back at his phone. “Next one,” he mumbles, “Why are two always flirting?”

Your face turns red, and you nervously burst into laughter. “What? We do not!” you laugh. Colby chuckles a few times and fixes his hair.

“Yeah, totally,” Colby says quietly. You guys sit there in silence for a few beats. Colby inhales awkwardly and clears his throat. Suddenly, there’s an abnormal amount of tension between you two.

“Let me pick a question,” you mutter, taking his phone. His skin brushes against you softly, sending warm signals through your body. You pick a random question. “This one says.., this isn’t a question, but you should date,” you breathe out.

Colby laughs awkwardly and says, “All of you guys keep saying that!” He looks at you when he says the next part of his sentence, “Maybe we just need to test it sometime.” You giggle uncomfortably, and he frantically adds, “Just joking!”

You guys laugh, and you sigh before reading another question, “What happened at the party? Colby almost punched that dude. He’s so protective of Y/N.”

You have chosen to forget about the party, so the question annoys you. Despite your annoyance, you answer, “Some asshole laid hands on me.”

“Yeah, and I almost punched him. If anyone tries something with Y/N, they have it coming,” Colby explains. He leans over to hug you, but his chair tips over, and he falls onto the floor. The loud noise breaks the tension, and you burst out laughing, practically in tears.

“Oh my god, Colby, you dumbass!” you yell while laughing.

You guys finish the video, answering a bunch of other questions. You leave Colby’s house with a smile plastered to your face. Your crush on him is really getting worse day by day. You really wanna know if he likes you back. (Spoiler: he does.)

[pixystixx]

omg ive read some masterpieces that made me cry more than actual books

reblog if you’ve read fanfictions that are more professional, better written than some actual novels. I’m trying to see something