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Press Release by Jawaharlal Nehru

Regarding the recent news article with the title, I did not intend on the message delivered to the general populace to be the way it turned out to be. I intended to deliver a message that would encourage Indians to work together hand in hand against the British, not the crude and very despicable comment made under my name from The Punjab Herald. If the message had harmed anyone, I would like to apologise and strive to be a better leader of the Indian National Congress in the future. Jai Hind.

19 April 1946

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Family Reunion: Endgame

Via Godzillaloversnetwork.com,

It appears the whole gang has come together. Godzilla, the 6 babyzillas that turned against the world that made them, Amphibious Mothra, and Megalon. 9 heroes, all gathered to take hold of Korea and kill those who thought they could nuke them. The family is all here and they’re out for vengeance. They’ve hit Pyongyang and it has been ravaged.

Chairman Kim brought out his Mech Suit, sponsored by Takeshi 6x9ine, to go fight the creatures. However, there was never any chance. Kim was too weak, his dedication lacking, and his skill inferior. Outfought and run out of land, Kim was incinerated where he stood. A double rainbow formed overhead.

One last challenger approached. The one and only. Lil Hissy. Lil Hissy rolled up in his lizardskin yacht to have one final fight before the end of the world is brought upon us. He opened with Big Lizzy, followed that with Des🅱️acito 2 with Luis and Daddy, and then he brought it all back in with his first ever track, N***a$ not $nake$. Nowhere to go, no way to defeat him, the heroes of our time fought valiantly. After 15 intense minutes, it was over. Tyranny had won again. This time called Lil Hissy.

Lil Hissy’s twitter was unrepentant: “Those n*****s messed with the wrong rapper yo. Soundcloud superpowers bringing it home.”

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lol anti-radioactive missiles

By CNN,

Unfortunately, North Korean missiles, specially developed with anti-phase radioactivity to weaken Godzilla, have failed to stop the monsters’ advance at the International Date Line. North Korean Air Force pilots, supremely confident in the success of their missiles, dabbed away as they released the missiles, only for said missiles to be caught mid-air and thrown back at them by Godzilla. Needless to say, it was a complete and utter failure. In other news, Mothra’s humanoid minions (read your fandom guys) read that the missiles were ‘Property of North Korea’. It appears that Godzilla, the Babyzillas and Mothra are now headed to Pyongyang for some sweet revenge. Stay tuned.

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Addams Family Reunion

By CNN

It appears that in a devastating turn of events, the monsters have all convened at the International Dateline due to failure to stop them. Godzilla plunged into the water after survivors of the San Francisco attack began playing Des🅱️acito 2 on their Alexas. The Babyzillas, sensing the departure of their larger counterpart, charged for the waterline as well, with two sporting Maverick merch supposedly harvested from Logan Paul’s mansion, and the others broke after a Hangover-like meetup in Vegas. The thalidomide Mothra has also met up with the monsters at the deadline, after the thalidomide innoculation granted it flipper-like appendages. This allowed it to swim over to the deadline, where the monsters were reported to screech maniacally.

“It was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen”, says Air Marshal Hague who observed the happenings from his F-22.

“I’mma sort this out meself”, was the last tweet from Lil Hissy before he too went missing.

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New burrowing monster emerges in Seoul

By the Korean Times,

In an extremely unfortunate and potentially disastrous turn of events, a whole new monster - Megalon - has tunneled its way out of the ground in the middle of Seoul! It appears that the recent bout of earthquakes caused by North Korea has awoken this subterranean monster, and has destroyed a large portion of our capital. However, Megalon has recently turned its attention to North Korea and their speakers. Given Megalon’s ability to traverse underground, it seems like North Korea’s current defenses - all currently pointing outwards -  will not protect themselves against a Megalon that will most likely burrow out behind their defenses.

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2nd amendment would have saved the Pauls

By Alex Jones,

The Demzillas have levelled the f*cking team 10 house, maverick mansion, and the whole vicinity. This is why my 2nd amendment rights are rights, to ensure that a government who does this pays for it. Me and my AR-15 are going to show those Predator Drones what’s what. Don’t f*ck with me, Obama.

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Giant speakers aren’t that good an idea after all

By Chosun Ilbo,

President Moon Jae-In: “It appears that in an act of selfish, unilateral action, China and the DPRK have positioned mega-speakers on their borders blasting the loudest sounding music possible, ostensibly to repel Godzilla and Mothra’s advance. Instead of cooperating with other nations to defeat the threat at the International Date Line, they have instead caused earthquakes in South Korea, resulting in grave loss of infrastructure and civilian lives. It is regrettable that some nations have chosen to prioritise their own interests over that of other countries in the global community. We urge them to cease this foolishness immediately.”

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DES🅱️ACITO 2 CONFIRMED

MTV News,

Luis Fonzi and Daddy Yankee, at the behest of the internet, has released Des🅱️acito 2, dropping former fan favourite Lil Pump from the feature position and replacing him with Lil Hissy. The second in line, Jake Paul, declined to comment, which is unsurprising, considering that the babyzillas are in the Beverly Hills area and were last seen charging towards the Team 10 house. “The song is meant to express our support for the survivors out there in the rubble in California. The proceeds will go towards funding shelters for them.”

Lil Hissy echoed these sentiments, in their joint press release statement, “Man f**k that lizard bi*ch, I’mma bust his a$$ if he ever comes down to the hood”

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Lil Hissy’s twitter

GODZILLA DISS TRACK “LIZARDSKIN SHOES” IS OUT ON ALL MUSIC PLATFORMS. MOTHRA YOU NEXT WATCH YO BACK U BEST NOT MOVE NI**A OTHERWISE WE GON POP YOUR FAT ASS #staywoke

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Press release from Mike Pompeo

USA strongly condemns any sabotage move against us, specifically committed by whoever that deliberately developed, released and even went such far as ferrying monstrous baby lizards of destructive potentials all the way from China to USA. USA urges all nations to truly, and sincerely come together, in the spirit of defending our great human civilisation, which is one, and whose survival is the key to all countries, to aid Japan and USA in our effort, and enterprise to defeat monsters. China should, in particular, help us in removing those lizards, since it has developed them and would have expertise to deal with them.

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Press release from China to Japan

By Xinhua News Agency,

The Chinese government is pleased to announce that there has been a revolutionary advancement in chemical weapons! Through extensive research of the RI Chem syllabus, we have created missiles capable of injecting teratogenic Thalidomide into any creature. In case you forgot your Lecture Notes 9, this creates “flipper-like” limbs that can curse Mothra, making it unable to fly. We understand Japan needs to get rid of their moth. We have the capability to do so, but we first require the permission of Japan to act on their sovereign land. We hope Japan can come to their senses and ask us for help

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Press Release on research results by DPRK and PRC

Scientific research results by DPRK and PRC has been proven effective and the results are as stated below 

1. The wavelengths of those soundwaves are as large as the aperture that is Godzilla's ear, so diffraction can occur and thus can affect him. 

2. Chinese rap music has been proven effective due to its lower sound waves in irritating Godzilla and Godzilla has temporarily retracted back to the sea. 

DPRK and PRC will continue working on research methods against Godzilla. 

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Party at the dateline

By the Associated Press,

In the biggest crossover event in history since Avengers Infinity War, the US and Japan have embarked on a mission to try to pull Godzilla and Mothra to the same place. They’ve both gone very much all in, throwing the kitchen sink at these monsters, towing them with the cables made from Carbon Nanotubes and the fastest planes they can muster.

There has been an unprecedented use of military might and incredible coordination on both ends. The monsters are now being slowly moved to the International Dateline, breaking their binds and bringing down planes every few kilometres. This progress has come at great cost of lives.

It is unclear what the plan is, whether it be quarantine or battle royale. All we know is that Fortnite has placed their branding on the planes. Let’s hope it works.

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Family reunion?

By Fox News,

It appears that the Chinese have attempted to create what appear to be Babyzillas. Their research with the North Koreans has yielded them 6 new lizards which each stand at 66ft. The Chinese security, however appears to have been a little too lax, as the lizards easily busted out of their bamboo cages on The TaMaDe and left their guards incinerated. The rogue lizards were ferried by an oblivious ship crew to San Francisco, where they joined in the chaos. They have spread out across California, with two in Las Vegas, two in Los Angeles and two more peeling towards the Grand Canyon. The big momma, apparently sensing their scent, has started leaving the vicinity of San Francisco and heading south.

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Failure of the Japanese Airforce

From the Japanese Times,

In an effort to drive out Mothra to minimise damages to Tokyo, the Japanese Air Self-Defense Forces have sent in multiple aircraft to lure Mothra away. Regrettably, the planes were swatted out of the sky like flies - to make things even worse, the crashing planes were eaten up by Mothra. The Police Force Flying Corps was also established to aid the air force in combating Mothra, but their success have been equally limited.

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Public Service Announcement

By US Foreign Service

All US citizens currently living in Tokyo are advised to head to the US Consulate IMMEDIATELY. Evacuation helicopters have been stationed at the Consulate to facilitate evacuation without delay.

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Bolstering emergency personnel

By Tokyo Shimbun,

Emergency personnel, firemen and associated equipment have been sent to Tokyo, to help combat the rising death toll. Yet the devastation continues, as Mothra continues its rampage.