plutonium-spectacle

[plutonium-spectacle]

Another Trilyn and Jamie!

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Trilyn had been friends with the little human for about a week now, talking on their galactic devices (GDs as the human called them- they all had this odd obsession with efficiency). They were planning on meeting up this evening for what the human named a sleepover. It was where 2 or more beings gathered at 1 being's abode to sleep at that abode, playing games and the such. It had sounded like a neat idea, and so Trilyn had agreed.

A knock rung out throughout Trilyn's home, though it was rather quiet due likely due to Jamie's size compared to the 25 foot door, with over 2 feet of material front to back- very, very thick for human standards. Trilyn might not have heard it had he been making any noise; Krakoor weren't known for a keen sense of hearing. Trilyn opened the door, looking down at the human, who carried a zipped bag and a bag made of thin plastic, tied by the (also thin and plastic) straps. Trilyn eyed the small bag curiously, as what he could vaguely make out through the thin plastic didn't seem like the things Jamie had listed as 'sleepover musts', but he brushed it off.

It had started off great, with Jamie sat with him on his couch, the two of them playing games on the hologram in Trilyn's living room, and when Jamie had lost for the third time in a row (definitely pouting despite his denial) he had stretched, claiming he was hungry.

"I didn't have time to figure out whether or not you, uh... Krakern? Sorry, I forgot your species name- have human food so I just brought some leftovers from home."

Jamie then pulled out a box from the plastic bag, opening it, and Trilyn was immediately concerned.

See, Krakoor (not Krakern, Jamie) had an extremely keen sense of smell (which enhanced taste by proxy), along with a keen sense of touch, due to their evolution. Part of that was being able to smell when something was poisonous or rotten, as it was harder to tell millions of years ago. Jamie's lunch smelled like pure poison, and he felt his eyes water a little at the sheer amount of it.

"Have any way I can heat this up? Like, a microwave or something?"

Trilyn gaped at him- did he not realize that the food was poison? Humans didn't have a very good smell, did they?

Jamie, confused at Trilyn's staring (specifically the horrified look at his food), waved a hand in his face.

"Human. Are you... can you not smell that that is poisonous food? You'll get ill if you eat that..."

Jamie looked down at his food, picking around in it a little, before looking back up at Trilyn.

"Looks fine to me."

And then, to Trilyn's horror, picked up a piece of the food, bringing it to his mouth. Trilyn's instincts took over (he had to keep the human safe!), and he smacked the piece of food from the human's hand, much to Jamie's confusion.

"What was that for, dude?"

Jamie looked a little annoyed at him (Trilyn was well aware that humans were protective of their sustainance), and scowled, clearly not understanding that he had almost eaten poison. Humans definitely didn't have the keen sense of smell as Krakoor did.

"You almost ate poison, Jamie. That food is- is practically citrus or capsaicin!"

Jamie blinked at him- as if he had two heads, humans often describe it as- before seeming to come to a few conclusions, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Uhm. You've mentioned before that Kra... your species can smell and taste poison, right?" Jamie was met with a nod, to which he continued, "So, citrus is- and I'm assuming here... poisonous to your species? Well, it's not to humans."

Jamie calmly ate a piece of food, and Trilyn barelu held back from smacking it away again (he literally stopped himself moments before he had smacked another piece of food), deciding to trust the human on this. The human was perfectly fine.

"Citrus isn't poisonous to humans. Nor is capsaicin. This chicken just has a lot of citrus cooked in."

Jamie ate another bite, and Trilyn felt his heart stop racing a little- it really was fine.

These damn humans. How would they even evolve to eat capsaicin or citrus? Were they forced to when a drought happened? No, those types of foods need more water. Perhaps competition?

And so Trilyn asked Jamie what exactly led to them being able to eat capsaicin or citrus, expecting either an 'I don't know' or an explanation.

What he didn't expect was that humans hadn't evolved to eat either. They just did anyways.

"Why?" Trilyn asked, exasperated. "Why would you eat poison?"

Jamie just smirked. Little bastard.

You know how certain tastes allow you to know that you shouldn't eat something, though humans are weird so we do it anyways?

Was thinking how certain foods are bad for animals, like citrus foods

What if aliens' sense of taste indicated things that could kill them

What if to aliens the entire flavor profile we call sour meant poison

What if a human walked up to one of these aliens and took a bite out of a lemon slice without breaking eye contact

Could be a dominance move, a lead into a prank, or just being oblivious that from the aliens' point of view the human was attempting suicide right in front of them when the human is just a weirdo who eats lemons

These are the things I think of when I should be sleeping

Please elaborate on this idea if you want to

[plutonium-spectacle]

I love this concept- all humans are Irish/German to aliens. Here's what I thought of (the math isn't exact, it's mostly guesstimates):

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Trilyn prided himself (as did many of his species, the Krakoor) on his alcoholic tolerance. It was mostly due to his size- at over 600 pounds in weight (he was using human measurements as it would be easier for you human readers to understand), standing over twice the average alien height, it took much more alcohol to get him to pass out than others.

He could drink about 12 ounces before he had to stop. It was incredible. Whenever a new species would be introduced to the intergalactic society, it was always a joke to egg them on to start a drinking contest with a Krakoor. Most refused, but one or two may have the hubris to try every now and again.

Then, the humans were introduced. They were small, fleshy things, about a quarter of his size- no exoskeleton, and barely any meat or muscle on them, typically. He had also heard they had the hubris of no other species, while also being violent, paranoid-ridden creatures from a deathworld. Most of what he heard described them in contradictions.

Aggressive yet kind.

Open yet closed off.

Paranoid yet stupidly trusting.

Fleshy yet predators.

Creatures of both war and peace.

Unmistakably intelligent yet ditzy and stupid.

Humble yet full of hubris.

And he desperately wanted to meet one. The stories- the stories were a range from horrific to comical to unbelievable. He'd never heard of anything like it. And today was his lucky day.

He was sitting in a bar, surrounded by creatures around his size, sipping on the strongest drink they offered- about a 5% alcohol to 95% drink ratio. It was rather packed, though there was always some empty seats, as not many could stand (nor liked to) any alcohol in traceable amounts. Then, looking like a meagre bug surrounded by the others, a human (a human!) waltzed in, completely unbothered by the size difference with himself and those around him.

The human took a seat next to Trilyn casually (though casually was more in his demeanor- he had to comically climb up the chair to sit on it's too-big cushion with the bar counter up to his underarms), before ordering a drink from the bewildered bartender, having to get a shot glass as a normal cup due to his small size.

Trilyn spoke up, grinning down at the little fleshy creature, "you're a little small to be drinkin' don'tcha think, buddy?"

The human chuckled, as the bartender set down his shot glass, "I drink all the time back on Earth, my home planet. I've got a pretty high tolerance despite being a bit small."

The bartender nervously slid the shot to the human, guaging the man for any immediate puking. The human took a sip, frowning a little in response.

To Trilyn and the bartender's surprise, the man wasn't upset about too much alcohol.

"Could you put a bit more alcohol in this? Add any fee you need to my tab."

The bartender looked even more nervous, adding a small splash to the drink of concentrated alcohol (nearly 40%, if his memory was serving him right), making the man frown further.

"Uhm. Sorry. Bit more?"

The bartender then added another splash, eyeing the man nervously. The man frowned, turning to whisper to Trilyn.

"...Is it like, a custom to not pour much alcohol? I want at least like, 20% tonight."

Trilyn froze. That would kill him. Was- was this man genuinely suicidal? Was it all some sort of joke?

"2-20%?"

That was over quadruple what Trilyn could stand. The man nodded, before turning to the bartender again.

"Could I get something with about 20% alcohol in it, give or take?"

The bartender's eyes widened in shock, clearly not believing what she had just heard. She then immediately shook her head.

"Look, you'll die if you have that much, and I don't want a life on my hands if I can help it."

The man seemed confused by this- incredibly confused.

"Die? I'm not gonna get like, 10 drinks or whatever, just a few to loosen up. Is alien alcohol super strong or something? Got any Jack Daniels back there?"

The bartender seemed to notice something- they both knew human alcohol was just as potent as galactic alcohol- so why would the human order a 20% if he didn't plan on dying? The bartender got out the smallest glass available, before pouring some alcohol in with some drink mixer to dilute it, before handing to the man.

"That's about 15% if my math is right," she said warily, as the man happily gulped it down.

Trilyn was panicking now: he was about to witness a death. Why would the man do this? He didn't seem suicidal? Was there a way he could prevent the alcohol from reaching his blood and this was some sick prank?

But nothing happened. A minute passed, and nothing happened. Then a few minutes.

"You... how?" Trilyn asked, confused out of his mind.

"How what?"

"You... you should be dead. The most I can have is 5% typically."

The man was just as confused as Trilyn now.

"The most you can have is 5%? Look at you, you should be able to drink it at 100% with your size. I think my limit is about 7 drinks of somewhere around 30% before I black out, but I've got a high tolerance."

Trilyn was dreaming. This was a joke. A prank. No way could this little flesh ball out-drink him. Not even the unnaturally big of his species could go past a drink of 8% or 9%.

The rest of the night was spent with the human- who's name was Jamie- with the human nursing a good 40% drink as Trilyn nursed his 5%.

Trilyn learned a lot that night; humans didn't have hubris. Hubris implies that it's overdone, undeserving confidence. No no, it was very deserving confidence.

Humans weren't humble yet full of hubris. They were humble yet confident.

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I loved writing this. I think I might respond to a few more prompts in the future with Jamie and Trilyn.

Humans are space orcs writing prompt.

No one can handle their drink like humans!

The biggest land animals on earth, elephants, can handle something being at a maximum of 7% alcohol by volume (abv)

Most species on earth can usually intake 1-3 abv.

With small species like rats only being able to intake alcohol in the milligrams range, at best 80mgs.

Meanwhile humans will sometimes knock back something that is 40 abv. We can drink a whole bottle of it and while we feel lousy the next day, we dont die from it.

If the majority is the precident, then a shot of vodka will be pretty much a death sentence for most alien species.

But there go the humans, just knocking it back and calling that a fun night.