plzaduhhh

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[plzaduhhh]

Life update. WOW. Tripping acid is AWESOME. I feel weird. Not gonna trip for a min tho.

I

Smoke

So

Much

Hella friends are being hella weird. (Still tripping rn)

But things are looking good emotionally. Everything around me is beautiful. Now even sober and not tripping or high. Very pretty. Nature. Is. Awesome.

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Hello. This is me. I smoke a lot of weed and do shit in school.

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Bon Iver kills me every time. I can’t listen to it in public.

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Lingering

I miss the smell of you lingering on my hoodies when you would give it back to me after a while. Then I wouldnt wash it for about 2 weeks just so I could use it to help me fall asleep at night. But it’s been so long that I barely have anything of you or from you to hold onto. I still listen to the record and still use the wallet you gave me. One thing I will say is that, it makes me happy to see that you’ve found someone who makes you happier than ever and someone who is good for you. Not bad for you like I was. I’m sorry.

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Out of reach

I feel like I’m frozen in a free fall. Falling, but not moving. I want to reach for a rope or hand that *might* be there. Everything is telling me to do it, just put it out and trust that whatever might be there is in its place for a reason. Maybe, I grab onto it and come loose very quickly, fall, then finally land. Or, what I would hope for, I grab onto a hand that is willing to help me back up to where I was before. But, something is holding me back, I’ve been told it could be my pride, could be my fear. Or it could just be my heart finally getting to my brain and telling me not to hurt it again. Which in the first place, is my own fault for getting in this situation. Not the devil, fate, or anyone else’s but mine. I tripped up just recently and started this descent. Maybe I will land a hard, real landing. Or maybe I will be caught.

But for now, I stay frozen.

[plzaduhhh]

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[plzaduhhh]

Getting high and being the only one single in my group is just saddening. I keep trying other people. They just kinda ghost me. I always answer within .04 seconds though, just to show them I’m interested but no. Which draws me back. Maybe college will be better. I don’t know.

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Welp

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‘night_out’

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Pictures of me smiling are kinda rare now 🙃 but I can usually slap one on my face when I’m sober. When I’m drunk or high, I’m ALWAYS smiling.

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But I’ll still post about it here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ no one checks it either way. Almost a year later and your name still pops into my head every day. It sucks. You probably forgot about me. I know college changes a lot of things. Senior year changed me so now I’m off to see how things change for me in college. Hope you’re doing well. If you see this, maybe shoot me a text? You might not even have my number anymore. But I still remember yours.

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Don’t know. Still care. Gonna leave it alone.

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Quick update: I look like shit. I have to go to work soon. My hair is really long. I have no money. And I’m smoking about 2 packs a day. I don’t have my truck anymore. Got a car, graduated. Now I’m an alcoholic.

[plzaduhhh]

(Not taken tonight) Just how I wanted to spend my evening. Hungry, worried, and sick.