polaroidloving

[polaroidloving]

Read this again after a year and I sobbed again 😍😍

the only exception | beomgyu x reader

pairing: beomgyu x female reader

content: love at first sight au, summer love thingy, lots of reference to paramore's the only exception and txt's our summer, pda

tw: mentions of fight and blood

words count: 12k

notes: reposting because of high demand (lol)

preview:

you were not the type to believe in the existence of love. to you, there was no such a thing as true love; no such a thing as unwavering, unbreakable, and unparalleled fondness and devotion for someone. to you, people love to get something they desire in return — money, power, status, pride. your parents were a living prove of that

the day you were old enough to understand the lack of love and affection between your parents to each other, and to you; you swore to never grow that feeling to anyone — family, friends, partner. anyone. because to you, love did not exist.

you were content living that way for years, not happy, but content.

the absence of love in your life protected you from attachment, heartbreak, sorrow — those negative emotions that you deemed unnecessary and unworthy to be sitting inside of you.

life was okay without love, you thought.

until you had to spend the rest of your summer with a distant relative whom you've never met in your entire life, in a small town with an ocean view, where fate had brought you a boy whose eyes shine brighter than any stars in the night sky.

and maybe, just maybe, love does exist.

a comforting smell of freshly brewed chamomile tea wafting in the air as you make your way inside the unfamiliar home — the one you will be spending three months in because your parents are way too busy flying around across the globe to be taking care of you.

"come on in, y/n." the woman in front of you speaks, her voice soft, the type of voice a kindergarten teacher would have.

maybe she was one, you have no idea. in fact, you know nothing about the woman standing in a yellow dress in front of you. she is pretty, even though it is evident her aging is slowly creeping up to her from the way her skin wrinkles on the corner of her eyes when she smiles. but to you, she is pretty- the mother-like kind of pretty. the kind of pretty that makes you feel warm inside.

but again, you know nothing about her. have never seen her in your entire life. never even heard her name from any of your parents until today.

aunty sue.

that was the name your mom had told you in the car this morning when she was dropping you off at the train station, she couldn't even make some time to drive you straight here, and telling you the woman is a distant cousin of hers whom she hasn't met in a long time. and that was also the name the said woman had introduced herself to you.

"do you want some tea, honey? or anything else?" she asks, making her way into the kitchen as you trail behind her like a little lost puppy.

"tea is fine," you reply.

leaning against the kitchen counter, you roam your eyes around the room. some parts of the walls are painted in pastel green while another part is decorated with a plaid wallpaper with the same color — just a shade darker. the counter tops are full of kitchen appliances, cookbooks, sunflower patterned dishes, and freshly washed vegetables along with some other things. there are random little trinkets on the windowsill — a wooden carved statue of a cat, a line of herbs in old tomato cans, and a sun catcher being hung at the corner of the window making tiny little rainbows refracting inside the kitchen.

the furniture of the dining area does not match with each other — one wooden chair with a striking blue cushion, a yellow wicker chair and another two plastic chairs in white. though everything is mismatch, it doesn't look weird. it feels right, even.

it feels like home.

very different from your house where nothing is ever out of place. the countertops made of slick white marble, picked personally by your mother, are always shiny as if no one has ever touched it. truthfully speaking, they kind of are. no one is ever cooking in that kitchen. you bet the only stains that has dirtied that counter was that one time you spilled your morning coffee on it. the stove, it looks brand new compared to the one in front of you right now which looks like it has been in service for more than a decade with how rusty it looks.

everything in your house is perfect to the tee. a façade that is what you like to think — to mask the family's imperfections.

a house that never felt like a home.

"i'm going to keep my stuff in my room first, i'll be right back," you say as you pull your luggage with you.

"sure, honey. your room is the second door on the right."

honey.

not even your own mother has ever called you that.

you haul your bag with much difficulty up the stairs, cursing yourself mentally for overpacking, before making your way to the said door. the room is spacious, not as big as your own room back in the city, but still enough to fit a queen-sized bed in the middle, a study desk by the window and a two doors wardrobe in the corner.

the glass sliding doors that lead to the balcony are being left slightly open, the warm summer breeze blowing the white sheer curtain. leaving your luggage by the bed, you make your way over to the balcony — pushing open the sliding door wider as you step out into the outdoor.

to say you are astonished is an understatement. the view in front of you is breath-taking — the house is located on top of the hill, overlooking the neighborhood and the ocean, the season's bright sunlight is making the scenery even more spectacular.

you breath in the air, inhaling the smell of the blue sea with your eyes closed.

there is someone, other than aunty sue, downstairs — you can clearly hear the sound of a male voice which is a little bit too loud to be ignored, talking to the woman in the kitchen about how his mom had forced him to deliver cake to all the houses up the hill in the middle of the day.

"y/n, honey! are you done? come downstairs, please." opening your eyes, you let out a soft sigh as you walk back inside, keeping your eyes on the ocean outside as you close the glass doors.

it's okay, you have the whole three months here. you tell yourself as you make your way back into the kitchen, the guest is still going on about how his little rant.

"i mean, don't get me wrong. i love summer, but to deliver all of them under the sun? god i felt like-.." and as he turns to face you who is standing at the entrance of the kitchen, your breath hitch in your throat.

you're not sure is it the iridescent illumination from the sun catcher beaming on him, or the glow of his skin that is glistening with sweats from biking under the summer rays, or the sparks in his eyes as he stares at you;

but oh god, he is beautiful.

not pretty, but beautiful. the angel-like kind of beautiful. the kind of beautiful that would make people turn their heads. the kind of beautiful that would make you steal glances at him if you were to sit in front of him in a train. the kind of beautiful that makes the ocean view you saw earlier lose its' price.

the once in a lifetime kind of beautiful.

"y/n, this is beomgyu, his mom owns a bakery down the hill."

"oh, this is the girl that you've been telling me about!" he says excitedly as he makes his way over to you, "she's pretty."

and you almost choked on your saliva. how can he be saying things like that so casually?!

"hi, i'm choi beomgyu," he says, extending out his hand for a handshake. "aunty sue told me a lot about you so i'm kind of excited to be your friend, that is if you want, of course."

you look down to his hand, lifting your own as you slowly put it in his. "im y/n,"

though it feels rough, his hand still holds a certain kind of warmth that makes you feel secured. you can feel calluses on his fingertips, too. does he play the guitar?

you're not even sure why you feel bashful under his gaze. you don't understand the warm fuzzy feeling you're getting when he keeps his hand in yours. you don't get why your heart is beating so fast when he says your name, the syllabus rolling perfectly on his tongue like it was made for him and only him to say.

"well then, i look forward to hanging out with you, y/n."

the conscious side of your brain is already blaring an alarm, telling you to turn him down, telling you that no, you don't want to hang out with him. that no, you don't look forward to spending your summer with him.

but despite that, you find yourself nodding to his words. "me too, choi beomgyu."

it has been three days since you have first arrived, and you have concluded that choi beomgyu is a man of his words.

you didn't think much when he told you that he looks forward to hanging out with you, thinking that he was just being nice to a newcomer and to act friendly to you.

because that's all you have ever known — people acting nicely to you.

you remember when you used to associate in a group of girls back in middle school; it was one of the worst times of your life. eleven years old you were so naïve (read: stupid) to realize that those girls were just using you for your unlimited amount of cash — always inviting you to go shopping, forcing you to throw fancy sleepovers — until one day one of them literally had to scream in your face that they were only hanging out with you for your daddy's money.

and since then, you have never tried to befriend anyone and those around you never approached or asked you to hang out, either.

so, it is a surprise to you that choi beomgyu stays true to his words.

yesterday, he had come over early in the morning looking as beautiful as you had remembered the first time you saw him; asking you if you want a little tour of the small town. you had declined, telling him you still had a few things left to unpack, leaving the boy pouting. you had felt slightly bad, just slightly.

you are in the backyard with aunty sue, picking up some ripe tomatoes from the small garden. she told you she has been tending this small part of her backyard for almost seven years now, planting

various kinds of vegetables, using the excuse of she doesn’t like the ones sold in the market, when in reality she just really loves gardening and watching her plants come to live day by day.

“is the tomato that interesting to you?”

you jump in surprise as you hear a low voice speaking next to your ear. turning around, you find a grinning beomgyu looking down at you. he peeks under your straw hat, trying to have a better look at

your face. “you look like a tomato yourself.”

you frown, “what do you mean by that?!”

he bends, hands resting on his knees, now being eye to eye level with you. humming, he continues to study your face.

there is always something about him that never fails to make blood rush to your face. yesterday it was the way he dressed — white sleeveless top tucked messily inside his black jeans. it was simple, nothing outstanding about it but to you, he was breath-taking. and today; it’s the way he’s looking deep into your eyes, eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks with every blink.

the rational part of you is telling you to push him aside or to move away, to break the eye contact. but the other part that you have no idea existed inside of you until you met him few days ago, is telling you to keep staring into his sparkling eyes, to play along to whatever little game he has put on.

the rational part of you won as you take a step back, creating a safe distance between your figure and his. you can feel your cheeks flushed, fully blaming it on the warm temperature as you had been

standing under the sun for quite a while now.

“your cheeks are so red, like a tomato.” he giggles, “are you hot?”

you look away from him, hiding your face under your hat as you whisper, “k-kinda…”

he was about to move closer to you again, hand reaching over to your hat, but it stops mid-air when aunty sue is calling over for the both of you. thanking the lord and savior, you quickly make an escape

from him as you walk over to where your aunty is standing with a plate full of freshly cut watermelon in hand.

you sit beside her on the porch, while beomgyu is standing right in front of you. “tell your mom i say thank you for the watermelon,” aunty sue says and the boy just hums, hand reaching down to pick up two pieces of the sliced fruit, handing one over to you.

you thank him quietly and he smiles down at you, “you will never find a watermelon as sweet and juicy as the ones that my grandfather planted.” he boasts, and aunty sue make a sound as what sounds

like she is agreeing with him. “that’s right, mr.choi planted the best watermelon in the country.”

the scorching heat of the sun calls for you to take a bite of the fruit – it is sweet, just like what beomgyu had said. “it’s so good,” you speak under your breath. you’re not sure how he manages to hear what

you said but he did, as the smile on his face grow wider. “right? i told you!”

he waits for you to finish the slice in your hand before handing you another one, all the while still towering in front of you.

“sit down, beomgyu.” your aunty says to him to which the boy just shakes his head. “i’m protecting y/n from the sun,” he replies casually, taking a bite of the watermelon “she looks like a real tomato

right now.”

both you and aunty sue look up to him in sync. he is, indeed, covering you away from the sun — being tall makes it easier for him to shield you away from the direct sunlight of the summer rays but his back

is taking up all the consequences of his action as you can see droplets of sweat forming on of his neck, sliding down to his back.

you glance to aunty sue, a coy smile on her lips. “j-just sit down!” you scold him, pulling him down by his wrist to sit beside you on the wooden veranda.

aunty sue giggles, “talking about tomato, do you want to bring some home, beomgyu?”

he shakes his head, “thanks, aunty sue but no one in that house enjoys eating tomato.”

“but i do want to ask for your permission to steal this cute tomato away from you for the night,” he says as he pokes your cheek with his index finger to which you move slightly away. “my friends are doing a bonfire by the cliff later, i was thinking to bring y/n along.”

you hesitate, gaze moving from his face to your aunty’s. “you can go, y/n. it’s much more fun to hang out with people your age rather than spending time with me,” she ensures you.

you look back to beomgyu, his eyes hopeful as he waits for your answer.

“okay, then.” you finally give in, a wide smile making its’ way across his face.

he stands up, one hand in the pocket of his pants as he bends down to look at your face, again.

“see you tonight then, tomato.”

one conclusion you can come up after spending a good half an hour with choi beomgyu is that he does not have a sense of personal space — not that you mind, at least for now when you are surrounded by unfamiliar teenagers laughing and chattering around the bonfire.

you’ve been stuck to his side since the moment you reached the cliff. it’s not like you are that comfortable with him but out of everyone here, he is the only person you know. despite that, choi beomgyu looks like he is that comfortable with you — hand on the small of your back while walking, wrapping his flannel around your waist so that you won’t get your shorts dirty (when in reality he just doesn’t like the way the other boys are looking at the exposed skin of your legs), sitting too close you can feel his shoulder brushing against yours as he moves.

truthfully, you would have been so annoyed. but this is choi beomgyu. he is choi beomgyu and you have no idea what’s about him that makes you feel so protected. even now when he has his hand on top of your right knee while he’s talking to his friends, you don’t feel irritated.

it feels right. he feels right.

“beomgyu!” someone calls him over from behind. he sighs, “i’m gonna go talk to him for a while, you’ll be alright here, right?” he asks to which you just nod your head.

what is he expecting you to say answer? no, don’t leave me, beomgyu. as if you would ever say that out loud.

the warmth of his palm leaves your skin as he gets up, making his way over to the blue-haired boy that was calling for him. your let your eyes linger on him, watching as he gives the guy a fist bump before

both of their gaze move to you and you quickly look away.

“you’re y/n, right?” a guy who is sitting in front of you speaks.

you nod, “hueningkai, right?” you ask, remembering his name after beomgyu had introduced you to him earlier. and you glad you did from the way his eyes lit up when you get his name right. years of

attending charity events and parties where you were forced to talk to random people by your parents has thought you to imprint people’s names on your mind easily.

“heard you’re from the city. how is the life there? i really want to live there someday, it’s really boring here,” he pouts. “the nearest mall is like, miles away.”

“i think it’s fun here,”

“yeah? and why is that?”

you go quiet for a moment. why is that? — there are various reasons why you think the town is not as boring as hueningkai believes. for an example, the ocean. there is no beach in the city, the nearest one being a whole hour drive away. the air here is cleaner too, not as polluted with vehicles smokes as the city. the weather here is nice too; though it’s summer, the heat here isn’t as bad as it is back

home.

and as your mind try to come up with another reason why you think the town is fun, your eyes move over to the brown-haired boy laughing along to whatever joke the blue-haired one has said to him.

even in the darkness of the night — the only source of light coming from the fire in front of you, he is still beautiful. the way he throws his head back as he laughs, the way his eyes are sparkling under the

night sky, the dimple that appears on his cheek as he smiles.

“it’s fun because there’s beomgyu, right?”

you turn your attention to the boy sitting across from you, his eyes on the same person you were staring few seconds ago.

“do you like him?” hueningkai asks, out of sudden.

“w-what?” you look at him, bewildered. “i don’t know what context of like you are talking about, but he is a good fr-…”

friend.

you so badly wanted to call beomgyu your friend, but you don’t even have the slightest idea of what a friend is — you never had one, at least not a real one. all through your school years, you have never

really had someone you can call as friend. sure, you talked to your classmates, but they felt more like acquaintances than friends. and you never bothered to get close to anyone because you know there

are always something they want in return — money, gifts, invitations to fancy parties, rich kids from your family’s circle to date, the list goes on.

so, you stop yourself from labelling beomgyu in that way. he is not your friend, not after only three days of knowing each other.

“he is a good guy, of course i like him. what kind of person doesn’t like good people?” you say, shifting in your seat to which hueningkai just shrugs his shoulders, “i think he likes yo-…” he stops talking midsentence when someone throws their arm around his neck, holding him in a chokehold.

“taehyun is calling for you,” beomgyu says as he smiles down wickedly at the younger. hueningkai knows his friend is lying but he just rolls his eyes and walks away to where taehyun is sitting.

“let’s go somewhere,” he extends his hand over to you.

“where?”

beomgyu grumbles, “just come.” taking your hand, he pulls you up to your feet.

following him from behind, you have no idea where he is taking you as you both walk further and further away from the group, until you’re climbing down the cliff.

he offers his hand to you, and you gladly accept, “be careful.”

holding your hand in his, he wraps his arm around your waist as he pulls you down to the ground with an ease. the night is pretty chilly compared to the sunlit afternoon earlier, but beomgyu’s hand still

hold a certain kind of warmth. and even though the temperature is low, you still can feel heat rushing up to your face when he keeps his arm around your waist even after you’ve set your feet safely on the

sandy beach — you’re glad it is dark, you don’t think you want him coming up with another vegetable related nickname for you.

“i wanted to bring you here yesterday, but you were busy unpacking. and i wanted to do it today too, but you looked so tired from helping aunty sue,” he says. “i know this is not the best time to be coming

here since it’s so dark but i just thought maybe you would want to see the ocean at night too.”

you move your gaze from his face to the moana in front of you. the water is calm, small waves crashing along the shores. no one else is around, only you and him.

you were about to walk over to the water’s edge when you feel beomgyu tugs on your hand gently. “take off your shoes first, pretty girl.” bending down, he wraps his hand around your ankle before

slowly pulling the white alexander mcqueen off of your foot. beomgyu is surprised, to be honest, to the fact that you casually wear a very expensive pair of sneakers to a lame bonfire party. then again,

these shoes probably didn’t cost that much for you.

“all done, you can go now.” he stands up straight again and he can’t help but notice the pink shade decorating your cheeks even in the inky night, “tomato.” he chuckles, pinching your left cheek.

you gently swat his hand away, blushing deeper, before walking to the water again. you smile as you feel the sand seeps through your toes as the waves crash on the shore. turning around to beomgyu, you see him with a soft smile in his face as he watches you from a distance.

“join me,”

and he can’t seem to decline your offer when you’re looking so ethereal underneath the moonlight, a gentle smile on your lips as you move your feet around to play with the wet sand.

abandoning his cheap pair of sneakers beside your expensive ones, he runs over to where you’re standing back facing him. he pretends to push you further to the ocean to which you react faster, shoving him — making him fall into the water with a big splash.

“hey!” he shrieks, quickly getting up on his feet. you take that as a sign for you to run — in which you didn’t manage to escape far enough when you feel his arms circling around your waist before he pulls you down along with him into the water.

“beomgyu!” you whine while splashing more of the salty water towards him while giggling.

and that night, while you both are walking home, soaked from head to toes with your wet clothes sticking disgustingly on your skin, laughing and giggling, you thought; maybe this is what friendship feels like.

“aunty sue, i’m going out for a while!” you call out your aunt in the kitchen as you’re running down the stairs toward the front door.

she peeks her head from the kitchen’s entrance, “where are you going, honey?”

“beomgyu’s mom’s bakery!” you reply, already stepping outside and you failed to catch the tender smile your aunt is throwing your way as you are busy putting on your shoes. “i’ll be back before dinner.”

when you push open the gate of the house, beomgyu is already waiting for you on his bicycle, a hat in his hand as he offers it over to you. “put it on, it’s too sunny.”

you accept with no question, putting the white hat on. it smells like him — like a mixture of frangipani blossoms, toasted coconut, and bergamot waters. it smells like summer.

he smells like summer.

beomgyu watches as you put his hat on, holding back his smile to how adorable you look trying to tighten the hat’s straps to fit your head’s size. his hand reaches over to your face, tucking a few strands

of your hair that have come loose from your braids behind your ear. “pretty,” he whispers under his breath.

you look away from his eyes, quickly moving to sit on the backseat of his bicycle, wincing as the exposed skin of your thighs come in contact with the burning metal of the seat.

“sorry, chieko has been out in the sun for a while,” he says, referring to his bike. “you good?”

“yeah,” you shift on the seat, trying to find a comfortable position. “you name your bicycle with a dog’s name?”

he hums as he starts paddling, “my grandfather got this bicycle from a japanese owned shop. the owner used to have this really cute golden retriever by the name chieko, i loved him, hence the name.”

he explains, “is it weird?”

“kinda,” you reply to which he just laugh it off.

it has only been a week of summer break and beomgyu had come up with so many plans for the both of you. he has promised to make this, as quoted from the man himself, the best summer of your life

— to which you just responded with a raised eyebrow. you don’t mind spending the whole three months of break with him, you don’t mind at all. in fact, you would really like the idea — but he doesn’t

have to know that.

one of the plans he had come up with is; baking. and that is how you find yourself in the back of his mom’s bakery, with a baby pink apron tied around your waist and beomgyu going around in the

kitchen looking for the ingredients for the fruit strudels he had promise to make with you.

“oh, you must be y/n.”

you turn to the source of the voice, and you quickly bow your head, “ah, yeah. nice to meet you.” the woman in front of you have the same dimple as the one on beomgyu’s, and the way she smiles warmly remind you of her son too.

“you’re really pretty, just like what beomgyu had told me.”

“mom, where’s the peach?” he asks, stopping his mom from exposing him further, as he is rummaging inside the fruit basket on the counter.

the woman giggles, “is our beomgyu shy? is he embarrassed if his mom is going to tell the pretty girl all about the things he had talked about her?” she continues, emphasizing on the pretty girl.

you look over to him and notice how his ears has turned slightly red from his mom’s teasing. you’re not sure why he is acting that way when he has called you with that specific nickname so many times

already.

“mom~” he whines, all the while avoiding your eyes that are fixated on him.

his mom lets out a loud laugh — now you know where beomgyu got that from — as she walks over to the fridge behind you. “i keep them in the here, baby.”

“oh,” he says, taking the peaches from his mom’s hand. “thank you, my lady.” he leans down and kiss his mom’s temple to which his mom playfully pushes him away. the gesture tugs a string in your heart

— a feeling of longing. you can’t remember when was the last time you hugged your mom, or your dad. heck, you can’t even remember when was the last time they asked you about your day.

“have fun baking, y/n. i’m only a shout away if you need something, okay? in case beomgyu burns the kitchen down,” she jokes again before walking out to store again.

beomgyu sighs, “sorry about her. she can be a bit… overbearing sometimes.”

“no, she’s fun.” you says, stepping closer to help him with the fresh fruits.

and that’s how you spent your thursday morning; baking various fruits strudels — peach, strawberry, mango, blueberry. well, it was beomgyu who did most of the work but nevertheless, you had fun

cutting up the fresh fruits.

the oven digs, indicating the pastries have been baked. beomgyu pulls the tray out, before setting it on the flour-covered counter. “oh, it smells amazing!” you exclaim excitedly.

“wait until you taste them, they are,” he looks down at you, making a chef’s kiss gesture to which you just giggle. “well, we have to let them cool down first before putting the cream and the fruits. wanna

go up to my room while we wait?”

you hesitate, never ever in your life have you ever stepped a foot in a boy’s room. despite that, you find yourself nodding to him, “sure.”

he nods, taking off his apron and waits for you to take yours off before snatching it from your hands, hanging them on the hook by the fridge.

following him up to his room which is located at the second floor just right above the bakery, you notice the picture frames decorating the wall going up the stairs. family portraits, baby pictures of

whom you assume are beomgyu and his brother, wedding pictures of his parents, a picture of beomgyu’s kindergarten graduation. it’s like the family’s own little hall of fame.

imagining your house in your mind, you don’t think you have any other picture being hung on the wall aside from that one huge family portrait in the living room — the one where you were looking so rigid

sitting in between your parents. you hated that picture, and you still do. family portraits are supposed to be a symbol of happiness, a symbol of affection, a symbol of a healthy family relationship but your family does not have any of that. the picture that was taken in the fancy film studio in france was just another attempt to cover the family’s despair. it’s pathetic, really. how hard your parents are trying

to come off as a happy married couple with a perfect daughter. throwing the money away for material things that can cover up the lack of happiness in the household. it’s pitiful, the only thing they need to be raising a happy family is the one thing that they lack in life.

a loud chirping at your right as you step onto the landing of the second-floor surprises you. you turn your head to look at the green-colored parrot in the cage. it has its’ head tilted as it stares up at your

unfamiliar face.

“this is toto, my pet.”

“your pet?”

he nods.

“out of all the animals you can have as a pet, you chose a parrot?”

he shrugs, “toto is everyone’s best friend in this house.”

you blink, and he does too.

“oh, okay.” you say and he nods. “come, my room is this way.” he leads you over to the door that has a messy scribble of ‘choi beomgyu’ in colorful crayons, opening it for you and urging you to take step inside. “after you.”

his room is surprisingly neat. well, it’s not like you have seen a guy’s room before but you did assume beomgyu to be a little messy kind of person — the usual clothes on the floor, comic books scattered

on the bed, snacks wrappers on the desk. but his room is clean, no used clothes on the floor, only a round foldable table in the middle of the room.

“how long are we supposed to wait for the pastries to cool down?” you ask, taking a seat on the floor by the desk. “around half an hour,” he replies. “you know what other baked goods i’m really good at?”

you shake your head, “tell me.”

“pumpkin spice cupcake, but we don’t have any in the store now. it’s not autumn yet so finding for pumpkin is quite hard this time of the year.” he explains.

“how am i supposed to have a taste then?”

“that means you have to come here again during autumn,” he says. “i’ll bake every autumn desserts for you. beside, don’t you want to see my pretty face in a different season too?”

you grimace, “what difference does your face make in autumn?”

he laughs before reaching over to his guitar that was leaning against the wall beside the door.

so, he does play the guitar.

“do you want to hear a snippet of the song i wrote?” he asks while tuning his guitar.

“you wrote songs?”

“yeah, for fun though. i’ve never really let anyone listen to it, aside from the guys.”

“sure,” you say, holding in your excitement.

“i wrote this a few days ago, it’s not finished yet but i’ll try to give my best.” he gives you a smile before he starts strumming his guitar strings softly.

and when you thought choi beomgyu is already beautiful from the way he smiles, from the way his eyes twinkle under the summer sunshine, from the way his whisker dimples form on his cheeks when

he laughs — here he is giving you another reason to think that he is the most heavenly person you have ever came across when he opens his mouth to sing.

your fresh fragrance, your sparkling eyes

makes me feel better

reality loses its power, even the earth dies

the moment is eternal

you’re not sure is it the way the sunlight shining through the open window or the way his eyes are fixated on you while he sings, but you can feel the blood rushing to your face, leaving your cheeks feeling so warm.

no matter where you are, no matter what season

if we’re together, feel like summer

“this is getting boring.” says hueningkai as he throws the uno cards on to the floor before plopping on his back on the ground.

“agree, we should be doing something else.” taehyun, who has been scrolling on his phone since half an hour ago finally spoke.

beomgyu, with his four other friends along with a few others are sprawled out in choi yeonjun’s basement. they’ve been doing everything that they deem fun to do in the last four hours — the video games, board games, card games, truth or dare (in which beomgyu had successfully dodged every single question and dare related to you).

“let’s hit the diner, i’m kind of starving,” one of yeonjun’s friends, minho, suggest to which the other boys agree without any objections.

“nah man, i’ll pass for tonight.” beomgyu says, already standing up from his seat, “think i’m going to go home and sleep.”

“really, sleep?” minho asks, smirking up to beomgyu. “or are you going to see that girl, what’s her name again? y/n?”

beomgyu raises his eyebrow, “what does y/n got to do with this?”

sensing the shift in the air, soobin quickly nudges minho in the rib. “hey, shut your mouth.” says the older.

“i don’t know, beomgyu?” the blondie continues, “i barely see you hang out with your friends lately. every time i ask them where’s beomgyu, their answers were always the same; hanging out with y/n.” he pushes his tongue against his cheeks, clearly enjoying how extremely annoyed beomgyu looks.

“you don’t even have time for your friends anymore now? why? too busy fucking that little rich bit-…” and the next thing beomgyu knows is he is on top of the guy, throwing punches across the blondie’s

face as both soobin and yeonjun try to pull him away.

“don’t you fucking dare say that word.” he yells out loudly, throwing another blow on minho’s cheek.

minho forcefully pushes beomgyu, making the latter falls on his back as the blonde-haired boy climbs on top of him, punching him on the corner of his lips before yeonjun had to (literally) throw hands

towards minho to make him stop punching his younger friend.

there’s a loud ringing in beomgyu’s ears, his head spinning.

he was never one to resort to violence when it comes to anything. aside from that one time he accidentally kicked a girl in elementary school while trying to show off his hapkido skills, beomgyu has never hurt anyone physically. but there is something about the way your name rolls on minho’s tongue that make him sick to the core.

he gets on his feet after regaining his vision again, blood trickling down from his lips. he gives his friends one last glance before running up the stairs of the basement, slamming the door loudly as he walks out.

wiping his bloody lips with the sleeve of his hoodie, he curses under his breath, thinking he can’t go home with bruised lips and blood stains on his hoodie — his mom would make a big deal about it.

so, he continues walking — passes the front of the bakery, up the hill. feet moving according to where his heart wants him to go. to find comfort.

and it wasn’t a surprise to him as he stops in front of your aunty’s house, looking up to the second floor where your room is. the lights are out, total darkness surrounding your room. of course, it’s half

passed midnight, of course you will be sleeping by now.

beomgyu is not sure why did he came here. it’s not like he wants you to see him in this state — bruised lips, fresh blood still oozing from the cut, tousled hair, red stains on the sleeve of his yellow hoodie.

no, he doesn’t want you to see him looking this miserable. he was just trying to look for comfort, and to him, his comfort comes in the shape of a girl in an oversized blue t-shirt standing across from him.

“you scare me!” he says as he finds your figure standing in front of the gate of the house.

“what are you doing out here?” you ask.

“what are you doing out here?”

you cross your arms on your chest, “i saw you from the window.” though the only source of light shining on him comes from the dingy lamppost above him, you’re still able to make out his busted lips.

stepping over to him, you gently take his face in your hands. at that moment, beomgyu knows coming here to actually see you wasn’t a bad idea when he can feel the heat from your palms engulfing his cheeks.

he wanted solace and apparently you are his.

“what happened to you?” you ask softly, afraid that if you raise your voice any higher it might hurt him.'

“i fell…” he says, “for you.”

you take your hands off his cheek, slapping his arm to which he jokingly winces in pain. “how could you slap me when i’m already this wounded?” he pouts, “i did fell, okay? i tripped while coming up

here. the hill can be pretty steep sometimes.”

“you’ve been going up and down this hill your whole life, how can you suddenly fell today out of nowhere?”

“i don’t know? people make mistakes, y/n.”

you roll your eyes, “come on, i’ll clean it up for you.”

beomgyu didn’t hesitate to follow you into the house, up the stairs and into your bedroom. you lead him over to the bathroom, trying not to make too much noise and waking up your aunt in the room

right across from yours— you don’t think she would appreciate you bringing a boy into the house in the middle of the night, and the last thing you want is her thinking there’s something passionate going

around between you and the baker’s son.

taking his face in one hand gently, you blow onto his cut. “it’s going to sting a little, okay?” he hums, enjoying the cool breeze from you on his open wound.

he watches you tentatively as you dab the antiseptic on his skin. “does it hurt?” you ask to which he just shakes his head no. “okay. phew, this is kinda scary.” you giggle as you lean closer to his face again, your nose a few inches away from his.

beomgyu roams his eyes all over your face — your eyes, your nose, and your lips. he observes the way your long eyelashes flutters against your soft cheeks with every blink you make. the way your pupils dilate as you are so focused on attending his busted lips. the way your nose scrunches up occasionally when he lets out a low groan of pain. the way your lips are pull into a pout while you’re busy nagging to him.

even under the ugly fluorescent light of the bathroom, with you wearing the most basic clothes — no fancy summer dresses, or blouses, or expensive sneakers – with your hair messily being put up into a bun, face free from any kind of make-up, to choi beomgyu; you are the most beautiful.

and in the daze of post-punched and being in your presence, he lets the words slip out of his mouth.

“you are so fucking beautiful, y/n.”

the saying of time flies when you’re having fun is actually true. days have turned into weeks, and weeks have turned into months — it’s already been two months since you first arrived in this small

town with the ocean view.

the past months have been filled with many new things you’ve never experienced in your life — going hiking to see the sunrise with beomgyu, harvesting vegetables and herbs with aunty sue, helping

beomgyu’s mom in the bakery, binge eating snacks at the convenience store past midnight with beomgyu and his friends, barbecue party with the townspeople.

and the most precious thing you’ve encountered during this summer break is friendship — not only with beomgyu, but his friends too. you’ve come to get comfortable with yeonjun, soobin, taehyun and

hueningkai along the way after spending time with them. beomgyu had brought you along to hang out with them a few times, and you had grown to enjoy the boys’ company, too.

and beomgyu has stay true to his words about making this summer the best three months break of your life.

“you look pretty already,” aunty sue says behind you as you’re busy fixing the strands of your hair framing your face.

turning to look at her, you pout. “i’m not.”

“beomgyu thinks you are.”

you blush, looking into the mirror to avoid your aunt’s teasing eyes. “i’m done, let’s go.”

“you’re not going with beomgyu?” she asks as the both of you are walking down the hill, a rattan basket in your hand.

“he said he’ll meet me there,” you explain. “he has to help his mom with the bakery booth.”

“ah, right. i forgot about that.”

another new thing you get to experience in this small town is their annual summer festival. aunty sue had told you that the town’s mayor came up with the idea of making the festival around a decade ago

in an attempt to give some sort of entertainment for the kids and teenagers, and also the adults, in the town during the season. it was a great success the first year it was being held — with more than

thirty booths of various foods and games. hence, why the summer festival has become the town’s annual event now.

as you reach the festival’s venue which is being held by the beach, you see soobin and yeonjun chattering at a booth near the entrance. you hand aunty sue the basket before excusing yourself to talk to the boys.

“yeonjun! soobin!” you call out, running up towards them. “oooh, y/n! you look so cute!” soobin exclaims excitedly as you stop in front of him. “but not as cute as choi odi, though.”

“choi odi?” you question and the boy nods “my pet.”

“a cat?”

“no, a hedgehog.”

you grimace — what’s with this group of friends and their weird animals as pet?

“what? you don’t think hedgehogs are cute?” he asks.

no, they look like rat — is what you wanted to say but you don’t have the heart to voice those words out from the look soobin is giving you. “yeah, they are… not bad.” you say before moving your gaze

away from him.

yeonjun notices the way your eyes are scanning around for the familiar mob of brown hair in the sea of visitors, and he chuckles. “his booth is on the other side,” he says. “want us to show you the way?”

your cheeks flushed from being caught but you thank him, anyways. “it’s okay, i’ll go by myself. i’ll see you guys later, then!” you say, walking away from them while waving.

you were about to walk around, trying to find his mom’s bakery booth when you hear your phone’s notification inside your bag. pulling it out, you smile as you read the name of the sender.

beomgyu: where u at, pretty girl? i saw your aunt but not you.

you quickly type in your reply.

you: i’m at a cotton candy stall near the entrance, omw to find u

beomgyu: stay there. i’ll go to u.

after waiting for a while, you spot him walking over to you — dressed in a white button up shirt, tucked inside his black jeans. hair slightly dishevelled from the ocean breeze. he has a smile across his face as

he keeps coming closer to where you’re waiting for him.

even in the sea of people, choi beomgyu is the only one that caught your eyes. you could be in a big ballroom of a masquerade party and the only one that has your attention is still choi beomgyu — there’s

just something about him that you can’t seem to explain that make you only look at him and him only.

you look up to him when he stops in front of you, the smile from earlier getting wider. “hi, pretty.” he says before his hand reaches up to your face, tugging the strands of hair behind your ear neatly. this

has been a little habit of his that he really loves doing whenever he sees your hair getting on your face — never once have you told him that you purposely let those strands untied.

“the firework show will be at 8pm, so we will have around,” he checks his phone, “hour and half to walk around. what do you want to do?”

“you’re not helping your mom’s booth?”

“my brother is here, so he’ll be helping mom for today.” he says, peeking to the stall behind you. “wanna try the cotton candy?”

there is already a line of children waiting for their turns to get the sweet treats in various shapes —heart, bunny, flower, and even a unicorn. when it reaches your turn, beomgyu asks you what shape

you would like for your candy, and you eagerly point at the bear on the menu sheet.

“here’s your order, mr. lover boy.” the man says, handing the stick of the bear-shaped cotton candy to beomgyu. “enjoy your time here, lovebirds.”

“we’re not-…”

“thank you, we will.” taking the candy from the man, beomgyu put his hand on the small of your back, leading you away from the line.

you look up at him, blush evident on your cheeks. why didn’t he deny the man earlier? lovebirds? love, really? “beomgyu, why didn’t you-..” you pause mid-sentence when he hands you the cotton candy.

looking up at him, then down to the cotton candy that is still in his hand, then up to him again and down to the candy again, you let out a laugh.

he furrows his eyebrow questioningly, “what so funny?”

taking out your phone, you open the camera app. “stand still.”

he complies, standing still with the cotton candy in hand all the while you’re giggling and snapping multiple pictures of him. “are you done?” he whines.

you show him the photo on your phone screen, swiping right to let him see the rest of his pictures you’ve taken. “the bear looks just like you!”

“is it funny to you?” he asks, wrapping his arm around your waist as he tickles your side. you squirm in his hold, laughing harder. “it is, because it looks exactly like you- ah! beomgyu, stop tickling me!”

he holds onto the stick of the cotton candy tighter as his other arm is still wrapped around your waist. beomgyu has always known of how beautiful you look when you smile and laugh, but, oh god. right

now, where you’re laughing to your heart’s content, in his arm, dressed in the loveliest white summer dress he has ever seen, with the warm glow of the sun slowly setting, he swears nothing else is as

beautiful as you. not even close.

“beomgyu, please stop. i’m going to pee.” you beg, tears from laughing pooling in your eyes. he lets you go slowly before handing the cotton candy to you which you gladly take.

“let’s go,” he says as he takes your free hand in his, pulling you into the gleeful summer festival.

you spent a good hour touring around the festival — eating tanghulu and few other famous street foods. playing random games at the game booths even though you knew they were all rigged, it was

still fun — beomgyu did won you a small teddy bear keychain from the dart game.

you visited your aunt’s stall too, where she’s selling little handcrafted trinkets. you couldn’t ignore the cheeky smile she sent you when she saw the way beomgyu was holding onto your hand.

then, you went to his mom’s booth where you met his brother for the first time. you were kind of expecting the teasing from him, but you didn’t know it would be so bad to the point you had to ask beomgyu for a glass of water, afraid you might suddenly pass out from the excessive blood rush.

it was fun. you don’t think you have experienced this much fun in your life. the last time you felt happy was when you had visited disneyland back when you were ten. with your maid, not with your parents. you don’t think you would have enjoyed it as much if you did go with them.

“we have 10 more minutes before the fireworks show.” beomgyu says as he leans his side against the railing. he had suggested to go up the cliff to have a better view of the firework. you thought it’s going

to be a packed spot but surprisingly there are only three other people there, sitting distance away from where you and beomgyu are standing.

you can feel his stare from the corner of your eyes, making your cheeks flushed. god, is it possible to lose one’s life from immense blushing? if it is, then you’re in a terrible danger.

“have you ever been in love?” he asks suddenly.

at that moment, the only thing you can hear is the loud ringing in your ears. gone the sound of the festive happening down by the beach, the sound of the waves crashing against the shore, the sound

of the people behind you chattering. the sound of beomgyu’s voice.

have you ever been in love?

have you? you want to say no. you want to tell him that you don’t believe in love — that you would rather believe in the existence of a flying elephant rather than believing in love. you want to tell him

there is no such a thing as love in this world. there is no such a thing as sincere love. people love to get what they desire in return — money, power, status, pride. your parents are a living prove of that.

you want to tell him if there is one thing you are so fucking afraid of in this world, it is to love.

you want to tell him that you don’t think love is worth taking the risk, you don’t think it’s worth fighting for. love is not a real thing. you’ve seen so many people from school getting heartbroken over a

breakup with their lover, only to jump into a new relationship a week after that. if love is a real existing thing then, how could you move on so easily like that?

you so badly want to tell him, but no words come out from your mouth as you stare into his sparkling eyes.

“you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” he says after sensing the discomfort on your face.

“have you?”

“yeah,” he says, now facing the sea. “i’m in love with a lot of things — my family, my friends, toto, my bicycle.” he says, shifting on his feet, “i love helping my mom in the bakery, i love writing songs even

when no one listens to it. i love this town, no matter how boring it gets sometimes, i still love it.”

“i love summer,” he says as he turns to face you again. “i love summer because it brought you to me.”

you were about to say something to him when you hear the announcement from the speakers that the fireworks will be going off in the count of three.

ignoring the proclamation, you keep your eyes fixated on his. he is staring at you endearingly, a soft smile on his lips as he takes a step closer towards you.

three

he takes another step forward, until the tips of his shoes are meeting yours.

two

he tugs the strands of your hair behind your ear like he usually does, only this time he didn’t put his hand down, keeping it on the soft skin of your cheek. he rests his other hand on your waist, pulling you slightly closer to him.

one

he tilts his head, leaning down towards your face before stopping, leaving a small gap as he waits for you to make the next move, an unspoken sign of asking for your permission.

and as the fireworks start shooting in the sky, you stand on your tiptoes. hands resting against his chest as you lean forward, closing the gap in between your lips and his soft ones.

it started off with you gently resting your lips on his, until he starts to pull you closer by your waist — where he deepens the kiss.

it feels magical.

the way his lips are massaging softly against your own, the way his thumb is caressing your cheek in the gentlest manner, the way he tightens his hold on your waist — not hard enough to hurt you but

strong enough to keep you in place, the way his heart is beating so fast under your palm. the way the sky is glowing and shimmering brightly with the non-stop fireworks.

he is magical.

it’s not like you have ever kissed a boy before but the way beomgyu is kissing you with so much care, with so much affection, so endearingly, with so much love — you know the kiss is perfect. you just know it is.

because you don’t need a flawless kiss for it to feel complete, all you need is choi beomgyu to be the one kissing you.

to you, choi beomgyu is the epitome of perfection.

the ringing of your phone wakes you up from your deep sleep. reaching over to the vibrating device on the nightstand, you pick up the call without checking the caller id.

“hello?” you say, voice hoarse.

“y/n?” shoot, it’s your mom. “are you still sleeping?”

“uh, yeah. i just… woke up.” you sit up on your bed, eyeing the clock on the wall – 12:04pm. if there is one thing your mom hates, it would be tardiness — in anything, including the time you wake up from

sleep.

“i slept really late last night,” in which you did. after the summer festival, and the whole kissing thing, beomgyu had walked you home. not forgetting to give you another kiss, which felt more like a peck,

before he left. and you had stayed up until almost four in the morning replaying that particular scene on the cliff over and over again in your head.

you hear your mom sighs from the other end, “how you been doing there?”

oh, that’s new.

“it’s been okay,” you twirl the end of your blanket. “aunty sue is a very war-…”

“listen, y/n. i’m kind of busy right now. i just called to remind you about your leave after the summer break.”

and that is when reality hits you.

“your dad thought it would be a good idea if you come home this weekend. to make early preparations.”

shit. how could you forget?

“i’ll send a driver to pick you up this sunday,” she says, and you can hear rustling from her end, “i gotta go.”

when the line goes off, you remain holding your phone against your ear.

how can you get forget? did you forget because you’re too busy having fun here? did you forget because you finally found something, or rather, someone to share your happiness with? did you forget

that you’re only here temporarily, to take a breather from the crowded city? did you forget that you’re not supposed to be attached to anyone?

you’re leaving. you’re leaving the country in september. you’re leaving for a university on the other side of the world. you’re leaving your home. you’re leaving this town.

you’re leaving beomgyu.

beomgyu.

these past months, you have been engulfing yourself too much into whatever temporary fantasy he had created for you. you were so into it that you started to brush away all of your beliefs that have

been your pillar your whole life. you were so blinded by the happiness he had brought you that you started making an exception for him.

and for the first time in two months, for the first time since you have arrived in this small town with an ocean view, for the first time since you met the boy whose eyes shine brighter than any stars in the night sky — you want to be anywhere but here.

you know you’re being a jerk to beomgyu — ignoring his calls and text messages, lying to him about coming down with a fever, forcing aunty sue to make up whatever excuses she could think of

whenever the boy stopped by to catch a glimpse of you, pretending to be sleeping whenever you saw him standing under the lamppost outside of the house at night.

you’re being irrelevant and you know that better than anyone else. but you can’t find any other way to explain to him about everything — you’re not ready and you don’t know how to. you know he’s in

love with you, and maybe, just maybe, you do harbour the same feeling for him as well — but you're in denial.

love does not exist.

that’s what you’ve been telling yourself every day.

you’re going back home tomorrow, and you have successfully avoided beomgyu up until this point. until aunty sue had to (almost) beg on her knees asking you to deliver an official government letter to

the choi’s place. she had come down with a summer fever herself, making you feel bad if you refuse to help.

and that’s how you find yourself inside the the bakery’s kitchen that saturday afternoon, a brown envelope in hand. you are glad it is saturday — meaning beomgyu is not around as he always spends

the day at taehyun’s place.

you peek around the kitchen, no one in sight. there’s no one behind the register in the bakery too. is the shop closed?

you hear footsteps coming down the stairs, turning around with the envelope still in hand, “mrs. choi, aunty sue asked me to-…”

you blink, hands coming down to your sides.

leaving the brown paper on top of the counter, you were about to make an escape before you feel his hand wraps around your wrist, tugging you back to him.

“y/n,”

“let me go,” you say under your breath.

he pushes you against the wall, trapping your body. “are you okay?”

out of all the things he could be saying to you right now, he’s asking you if you’re okay? out of all the mean things he could be spitting to you right now for ignoring him without explanation, the words

that came out from his mouth are those of endearment.

you avoid his eyes, afraid that you might break if you catch a glimpse of his sparkling eyes. “i’m fine.”

“then why have you been ignoring me?”

“i wasn’t feeling well.”

“then, that means you’re not okay.” he says softly, “look at me, y/n.”

you look up at him, tears pooling your eyes. “why are you being so difficult?!” you didn’t mean to scream in his face, but at this point, your brain has lose control — your body moving according to your

heart.

beomgyu is taken aback by your sudden outburst, “what?”

“why are you making it a big deal that i’m not talking or hanging out with you anymore?”

“how am i supposed to not make it a big deal when the person i’m in love with is pushing me away?” there, he said it.

“love?” you say, while trying your hardest to keep your tears from falling. “there is no such a thing as love in this world, beomgyu.”

“are you saying my feelings for you are invalid? of course, there is. there’s love everywhere in this world.”

“no, there’s none!” you scream again, “how can you fall in love with someone within, what? two months? that’s unrealistic, beomgyu.”

“you don’t need years to fall in love with someone, y/n. you can be by someone’s side for decades, shares one roof, sits at the same dinner table and sleeps on the same bed for years and years onwards

but if there is no love then there will be no love until the end.” he raises his voice slightly.

you finally let your tears fall as images of your parents cross your mind — of how unhappy they are with each other, of how their eyes never hold any kind of affection for one another. they have been

married for almost two decades now — live under the same roof, eat at the same dinner table, sleep on the same bed, wear the same silver bands around their ring fingers – but the love was never there. it’s never going to be there.

if there is no love then there will be no love until the end.

they are the reason why you’re acting the way you are now.

"i don’t need years to fall in love with you, y/n.” he wipes the tears on your cheek gently, “the moment i saw you that one summer afternoon, i knew i was falling head over heels for you.” he pauses,

searching for your eyes. “i knew that i’m in love with you.”

“tell me, y/n… did i do anything wrong? is it the kiss?” he asks, “i’m sorry i stepped over my boundaries.”

“it’s not the kiss,” you whisper.

“then? what’s bothering you, baby?”

more tears come out of your eyes at the nickname, “this whole thing,” you gesture to him and you, “you know it’s not going to last, right?”

he shakes his head, “no, i know you’re going to back to the city after the break, but we’ll make it work. it’s not even that far. you know people do anything for their loved ones, right?”

you take a deep breath, before wailing loudly, not caring about anything anymore. “you’re not gonna love me anymore after i leave, beomgyu. and i’m not talking about going back to the city. i’m leaving the country soon, to the other side of the world, for four fucking years, choi beomgyu!”

“i’ll wait for you, i promise.”

“no one is that stupid enough to wait for someone for that long. why take the risk of waiting years for someone? what if i suddenly came back with a boyfriend, or a fiancé?”

“you worth all the risk in the world, y/n.”

“why are you making things difficult for me?” you push him off of you before you make a run for the door. you continue running up the hill, tears still spilling out your eyes.

you stop, looking back to where you came running from. he doesn’t come chasing after you.

and a part of you wish that he did.

“is this the last one?” your driver asks as he loads the last of your luggage into the car’s boot.

you nod, thanking him to which he replies with a nod of his head. turning to face your aunt, you take her hand in yours. “thank you for taking care of me in the past two months.”

she smiles, rubbing on the back of your hand with her thumb. “are you sure you don’t want to see him first?”

you shake your head and the woman just nods hers before pulling you into a hug. it’s warm. she has always been warm, ever since the first time she picked you up at the train station. she has treated you

like nothing less than a family member, though you and her are very distant relatives.

“i’ll miss you.”

“i’ll miss you too, honey.” she caresses your hair. “come back soon, hm?”

you nod, moving away from her warm hold. “bye, aunty sue.”

as the car drives past the familiar bakery, you look down to your lap, droplets of tears wetting the thin fabric of your skirt.

and just like that, your temporary happiness ends.

the leaves start to wilt, slowly turning brown as the season transition from summer to autumn. the temperature getting colder and colder as each day passed by. no more scorching sun, no more clear

blue sky, no more children running around by the beach.

he stands on the cliff, overlooking the ocean. nothing much has changed since three years ago — except some parts of the railing has awfully broken down. honestly, he prefers it that way — the town not

changing. the way the town looks boring to an outsider, but actually holds a lot of hidden wonders.

the town holds a lot of dear memories to him. this is the town he has grown up in, the town that taught him all the life lessons that made him the person he is today, the town that brought him a girl

that he could never forget, even in his next life.

he looks over to the sea. if he swims far enough, would he reach the other side of the world? to where you are right now?

three years.

it has been three years since he last heard anything from you. it’s not like he didn’t try reaching out to you, he did, multiple times. he tried calling your phone, only to be greeted with the same bot telling

him that the number is no longer in service. he tried looking up for your social media — facebook, instagram, anything. but nothing ever came up with your name aside from a profile website of your

family, a picture of fifteen years old you under the words ‘daughter of a successful businessman and the uprising fashion designer’. he thought you look adorable in the picture, despite the lack of life in

your eyes.

three years went by and you still haven’t come back.

three years and all he could think about every day is you.

you, you, you.

his friends have been telling him to just let it go, telling him it was just a summer fling, telling him it’s time for him to move on, to go meet new people in college.

but he didn’t. he knows what is worth it in his life — you are worth the wait, the risk, everything.

he tugs his hands inside the pocket of his coat, the air is getting so chilly despite it being only september.

“thought i would find you here,”

he turns his head so fast as he hears the familiar voice, he thought he might get a whiplash from it. but as he stares at the figure standing across from him, he thinks he is experiencing more than a whiplash right now.

there you are, standing five feet apart from him. he roams his eyes over your smiling face, and he wonders how is it possible for someone to be this beautiful. you look different from the last time he

saw you, in a good way.

your hair is slightly shorter compared to three years ago, you have lost the baby fats on your cheeks too, making your cheekbones stand out when you smile, and your eyes, they no longer look like the one he saw on the last day he saw you, or in the picture from the internet. your eyes are filled with life now, sparkling under the grey sky of the autumn morning.

“i went to your mom’s bakery but you weren’t around. figured you would be-…” you didn’t get to finish your sentence as the man takes a long stride towards you before pulling you into his arms.

he holds the back of your head with one hand, pressing your nose against the base of his neck while his other hand is wrapped around your waist.

he still smells the same — a mixture of frangipani blossoms, toasted coconut, and bergamot waters.

even in a different season, he still smells like summer.

you wrap your arms around him, “sorry i took too long.”

shaking his head, he wraps his arm tighter around you figure — afraid that you might suddenly evaporate into thin air, and this is just another night dream of his. “no, thank you for coming back.”

“thank you, too. for waiting for me.”

he pulls you away from his neck, staring deep into your eyes. “i promised i would wait for you, didn’t i?”

you nod, smiling up at him happily. you notice how he had grown few inches since the last time you saw him that one afternoon in the back of his mom’s bakery, from the way your neck is straining so

much looking up at him. his hair is no longer the deep shade of brown anymore, it's ash grey now.

he leans down, tilting his head as he nudges your nose with his — waiting for you to close the distance between his lips and yours, just like what he did that one summer night, in this exact same spot.

and as you finally rest your lips upon his — you think about how choi beomgyu is worth all the risk that you’ve took. the arguments with your parents because they kept opposing the idea of you dating a

nameless boy from a small town, the cramped semesters because you wanted to cut one semester off so you can come back to him a year sooner, the longing and aching feeling for him you got whenever

your friends in university talk about their partners. at the end, there were all worth it.

choi beomgyu is worth it.

you are still a firm believer of love does not exist. it’s hard to get rid of that idea when you’ve been sticking to it almost all of your life. and given that your parents’ eyes still lack of love and affection for

each other even after being married for a whole two decades now, it’s impossible to accept that there is love out there for everyone.

but to you; love exists in a form of a boy whose eyes shine brighter than any stars in the night sky, and that is all that matters to you.

and to choi beomgyu; even under the cloudy and gloomy autumn morning sky, with wilted leaves dancing around in the air with the wind, with the temperature getting colder and colder as day passed

by, it feels like summer to him — because it doesn’t matter where he is, or what season it is, whenever he’s with you, it feels like summer.

[polaroidloving]

JUST BE

PAIRING ➩ sunghoon x reader

SUMMARY ➩ classic cliche bad boy x good girl reader paired for a class project but with a few modifications lol…

WARNINGS ➩ violence, injuries, sexual content, sunghoon is a dick head kinda, heeseung is DEFINITELY a dick head

WC ➩ 18k (almost dethroned skin on skin)

AUTHORS NOTE ➩ so this sat in my notes unfinished for months.. which i never stop a work halfway and im not sure why i did considering this flowed out of me after i picked it up again but it’s NOT PROOFREAD and mainly written at 3am i think you maybe know the drill if ur familiar with me and my work lol.. not my favorite but i like the dynamics and i hope you do too

College was almost too easy for you. You were constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, to get the mean professor or the class with they heavy workload that you ultimately failed when you couldn’t withstand the pressure.

But it hadn’t came and you were feeling extremely lucky that the universe had seemingly spared you, atleast for your first year.

You always took school seriously, maybe too serious according to some of your highschool friends but you felt pride when you got high praise and it calmed you to know your hard work granted better results.

Still, it wasn’t like you had become some grade obsessed monster who didn’t feel emotion outside of the urgency of a deadline.

Quite the opposite in your humble opinion. Another thing you prided yourself on was your constant good attitude. You liked to smile at peers in the hallway and help teachers tidy up after a long lecture. It made you feel good to be kind and bubbly despite the stress that sometimes ate away at you.

So it was almost an impossible sight for you classmates as they watched your current dilemma unfold, the other shoe dropping with a loud smack the echoed inside your head.

“Did you hear me Ms. Y/N? I said your partner for the semester is Park Sunghoon.” Your professor was croaking from directly in front of you, your preferred seating being the first row in the room.

You were sat frozen in your chair, hand gripped around your perfectly sharpened pencil so tight you could feel the wood croaking in your palm. You usual smiley face was blank and stony, zoning out into the space in front of you as you wished for it to swallow you whole.

“It’s not that big of a deal Y/N.” Jungwon, your closest friend, was grimacing as he looked at you, standing infront of you and titling his body so he could peer at your unmoving expression. He was waving a hand in front of your face like he was trying to snap you out of a trance.

“There’s no point in lying.” Your other, and more pessimistic, friend Riki was speaking now and you let his bored tone seep into your ear. “She’s fucked.”

This snapped you out of it, letting out a loud groan and slamming forward onto the table dramatically, Jungwon’s hand coming out just in time to stop you from slamming your forehead onto the hard wood.

“Okay let’s not get theatrical here.” He was sighing through a wince of pain as he wiggled his fingers against your forehead. You slightly lifted it so he could take his hand back before dropping it back down with another groan. “I mean how bad could it be? Have you ever even talked to him?”

You briefly considered these two questions.

How bad could it be? Try absolutely, without a doubt, entire academic career ruining level of bad.

His second question was a bit more difficult. You had technically spoken to Park Sunghoon on multiple occasions but you’re not quite positive he had even realized it was you he was talking to. He had a tendency to not particularly pay attention to the people around him, and especially not their feelings.

The first day you’d spoken to him was actually your first day in general. You’d walked into your first lesson with a bright smile, hair perfectly pinned back and clutching your books to your chest in excitement for new things to learn and people to interact with.

Said books you were clutching didn’t last more than a few seconds in your relaxed grip once Park Sunghoon entered the room, his eyebrows furrowed as he turned the corner before registering you were still standing there in an attempt to pick which seat you wanted. His large frame was smacking into your back and sending you, and all your supplies, sprawling across the floor.

He hadn’t helped you up, or even looked back in your direction to see if you’d been seriously injured.

Your next few interactions weren’t as dramatic or grand scale but you remembered each one and so did your friends, considering you spent months complaining about each and every single time he managed to ruin your perfectly good day.

“Do you remember when he said it looked like she had gum in her hair because she got those new hair pins?” Riki was remarking from your bed behind you, a slight amused tone in his voice at the memory of your angry red face tearing them out of your bangs at lunch.

“That wasn’t nearly as bad as the time he stole her essay idea, and then didn’t even do the essay.” Jungwon didn’t sound as amused as Riki did as he recounted the story. He was a sweet boy by nature, one of things you bonded over at the start of your friendship and he wasn’t the biggest fan of your classmate because of this.

You listened to them talk and felt yourself getting more and more agitated, something that was extremely rare for you to show visibly. You pushed your forehead deeper into the wood desk, wishing it would let you mesh atoms together so it could completely swallow you up.

The bad mood hadn’t subsided by the time your hangout was over and the boys were leaving your dorm, wishing you good luck in talking to Park Sunghoon.

Your current biggest problem was exactly that. Despite being almost certain you’d be doing all the project work yourself, something you didn’t mind considering you held doubt he knew a single fact about the subjects appointed to you , you still felt the obligatory need to extend the offer of working together.

However you were realizing now you had absolutely no idea where to find him. It was increasingly rare these days that he was actually in class, only seeing him sometimes showing up minutes after it had ended and talking in a hushed tone with the teacher. Those days you’d slowly pack your stuff into each neat folder, trying to catch a word of their conversation.

You never had any luck and then he’d be gone again, leaving your nosy curiosity completely unsatisfied.

You imagined you could send him a message on some form of social media but that would require following him first and the thought of him spending even 20 seconds in confusion about your sudden follow before you were able to send an explanation message made your stomach turn.

So you had decided that the next day you’d march into class and sit and wait for him after it had ended, unmoving in your seat and forcing him to communicate with you.

You’d gotten prepared the night before, running over your convincing speech and tightening your ponytail before you entered the classroom with a determined look on your normally bubbly face. Your plans were immediately deterred when you went to sit down and found him already there.

Park Sunghoon was not only in class but he was sat in your seat, manspreading carelessly with an extremely bored expression. You knew it had to be on purpose but you couldn’t recall a time where he’d ever paid enough attention to you to know where your seat was.

You faltered for a few seconds before annoyance took over again and you refreshed your attempt at a look of intimidation. You stomped your way over to the desk and placed your books down on it with a mild slam, wincing at the loud noise you’d accidentally caused.

He didn’t react to the sudden spike in volume but he slowly trailed his eyes from your books up your arms, stopping when he met your gaze to raise an eyebrow.

“I’m Y/N.” You blurted out and you stuck a hand in his direction, attempting to initiate a handshake. “I’m your partner for the semester.”

It was silent for a few seconds and you looked down at where he sat, nudging your hand forward awkwardly like he couldn’t see it directly in front of his face. He ignored it and watched you with an amused look on his handsome face.

“Why are you introducing yourself?” He was finally saying and this took you off guard, the confirmation he knew who you were both surprising you and irritating you further at the implication his previous comments and interactions towards you were intentional.

You huffed and brought your hand back down to your side. “So you know who I am?”

“Row A, always raising your hand. Tight ponytail.” He stretched out the word ‘tight’ and you frowned at the innuendo. “Lacking your usual cartoonish grin but, yeah, I know who you are.”

“My smile is not cartoonish” You were hissing through your teeth at him and he smirked at that being the only thing you could manage to deny, too honest to refute his other claims even when you were frustrated.

He raised his hands in mock surrounded and your frown deepened, an uncharacteristically clouded expression taking over as your worst fears were confirmed. He was going to make this truly difficult, maybe even impossible. You resigned to sitting in the spot next to him, one over from your usual place.

You could feel him looking at you as the professor began talking, sneaking quick glances and sometimes downright staring holes in the side of your head.

For once in your entire academic career, you didn’t participate in class even remotely. You let your worries for the grand picture distract you from learning anything small today, zoning out with your lips in a pout until you noticed everybody packing up. Somehow you managed to fast forward through the entire thing.

Sunghoon was standing at the same time as you and as you made your way out of the room, he stepped infront of you and blocked your path completely. You tracked your eyes up his broad chest to his face and waited for him to add on to your already terrible day.

Instead he was sticking his hand out, similarly to the way you did earlier whilst waiting for a returned handshake. However his hand wasn’t fully open, clutching a small sticky note between his fingers and wagging it impatiently when you took too many seconds to stare at it in confusion. The second it was in your grip he was turning on his heel, out the door before you could speak or read it.

You glanced down at the paper in your hands with furrowed eyebrows, taking a second to decipher what he’d given you so abruptly.

When you finally pieced it together you felt a small surge of hope pass through you, smiling softly as you left the classroom, clutching Park Sunghoon’s phone number in your hand.

——

The little ball of hope you’d been presented didn’t last very long, disintegrating into a handful of nothingness before you’d even really had any time to appreciate its arrival.

You’d swallowed your pride and sent Park Sunghoon a text, very formative and stern in a request for him to meet you at the library before it closed. He hadn’t replied but you knew he had seen it and for some reason you thought he would actually show up despite having no evidence to that fact.

“Still waiting for somebody Y/N?” The boy who worked the front desk at the library was pushing past you with a cart of returned books, finishing cleaning up before he could close.

“Yeah I’m sorry Jake.” You frowned slightly and kept your tone polite, feeling guilty for slowing down his process.

He smiled at you and shook his head like it was no big deal, causing you to smile in return and bow your head slightly in appreciation. You were beginning to think you should just pack up and go to avoid causing him more issue until you heard a throat being cleared from behind you.

You immediately tensed up at the familiarity of it and you turned around in your seat to see Park Sunghoon standing a few feet away, watching Jake walk away with a raised eyebrow and a curious expression.

“You’re late.” You spat at him as your face dropped and you sighed, spinning back in your chair and fidgeting nervously with the opened book in front of you.

“Are you nice to everybody except me?” He was ignoring your nagging and making his way towards the table, surprising you by sitting directly next to you instead of the open seats across. “Where’s that Y/N classic smile?”

You shot him a glare but couldn’t help feeling slightly bad considering what he was saying. It was totally against your nature to be rude to somebody, even people who didn’t treat you the best necessarily.

“I take studies really seriously.” You explained to him, trying to soften your voice “And I don’t have a classic smile I just smile like a normal person, unlike you.”

He looked thrown off by your sudden banter and let out a scoff. “I smile.” He immediately argued.

“No you don’t, you smirk. There’s a big difference.” You were closing the book in front of you and he gave you a mildly confused glance, despite keeping his nonchalant demeanor. “The library closes in ten minutes, I told you that you were late.”

“Can’t you ask your friend to have some patience?” His words confused you for a second before you realized he was referring to Jake.

You scoffed in disbelief and shook your head, standing from your chair and starting to pack your belongings back into your bag. He groaned like he thought you were too sensitive and leaned forward slightly so he was still in your field of vision.

“What did I do now? You’re mad because I said you had friend? Aren’t you like friends with everybody?” He was droning on in a bored tone as he watched you continue packing, waiting for you to take the bait.

“I’m not mad.” You shook your head and gave him a forced smile. “I am simply coming to the realization my semester partner has no care for other peoples time. I wanted to give you the opportunity to actually prove yourself for once during your years at college but it’s clear you’re not interested so I’ll be going now.”

You glanced at him once last time as you spoke and you felt a wave of guilt come over you again at the way he tensed and his jaw ticked at your words. You looked away quickly in shame and gave him a small wave as you walked away, nodding at Jake as he said he’ll see you tomorrow.

——

“You said that?” Jungwon’s loud voice was overthrowing the sound of your upset groan as he rounded his way from the kitchen. “Y/N, how could you say that?”

“What are you talking about man, its Park Sunghoon. I think it’s awesome.” Riki was chiming in from the couch.

You were sprawled across the carpeted floor in dismay, immediately calling your friends over as you rushed out of the library with teary eyes and guilt from your mean comment.

“I love you Rik, but you finding anything I’ve done cool let’s me know it was something terrible.” Your words were half groaned and he looked offended for half a second before nodding in acceptance.

“I’m going to have to change schools.” You were dramatically continuing on, tugging your sweater over your hands and covering your face to mumble complaints through the fabric.

Jungwon was joining you on the carpet now and slowly feeding you a strawberry he had been cutting up, like an animal he was trying to calm down, and giving you a soft shake of his head. “No you won’t have to change schools. You just need to see him and apologize.”

“That’s the problem, I never see him.” You were mumbling around the strawberry and your other hand was anxiously scratching along the carpet in an attempt to self soothe.

“Well I overheard from Jay that’s he’s going to that stupid frat party I’m going to tonight. I’m sure I could get the two of you in.” Riki was chiming in again from the couch and you vaguely heard Jungwon scolding him, mentioning how you’d never been to a party before and never would when you were suddenly sitting up.

“That’s perfect.” The speed in which you sat up startled the both of them and they looked at you with confusion. “I’ll go to the party and apologize.”

“What?” Jungwon was raising an eyebrow as Riki clapped excitedly. “You’re going to go to a party, Y/N what’s gotten into you?”

“Correction Jungwon, we are going to a party.” You were grinning for the first time that day, excited at the idea of having a good night and getting the chance to right your wrongs, not paying any attention to the way all of the color drained from your best friends face.

——

The excitement hadn’t lasted more than a few minutes after entering the door.

The first thing that registered for you, was how much you underestimated what a frat party would be like, assuming it was played up and exaggerated in movies for the sake of entertainment.

Turns out, it was shockingly similar in the way it visibly was out of control and stunk like vomit and cheap beer. Your shoes felt sticky against the wood floors and you tried with all your might to keep a grimace off your face. People were greeting you excitedly, some making drunk comments about your rare appearance at a social event but seemingly friendly in their surprise at seeing you out for once.

The smile on your face wasn’t a good showcase of how you actually felt considering you were slowly getting more and more overwhelmed and the night was barely beginning. You’d almost forgotten why you were there in the first place in your building panic.

Jungwon had stayed close to you the entire night, looking similarly upset and irritated but wearing it openly on his face unlike you who at least was attempting to pretend to be enjoying yourself.

He was practically glued to your back as he shuffled around the main area, avoiding the shoulders of tall frat boys and the elbows of drunken college girls flailing around the dance floor.

“You guys could atleast try to look like you’re not being held hostage.” Riki had at some point wandered away to greet his sporty friends but he was now circling back with a drink in hand as he leaned down to speak to you, an eyebrow raised in disapproval.

You furrowed your eyebrows and gave him your best attempt at a casual expression, nudging Jungwon to do the same awkwardly, both of you dropping into frowns when your friend simply let out an amused chuckle.

“I just need some air.” You were shaking your head and putting your full cup down on the counter behind you, gesturing towards your friends sternly. “Stay with him, I’ll be back.”

You swiftly made your way away from them, ignoring Jungwon mumbling about not needing a babysitter, heading towards the slider door you’d seen briefly earlier.

By the time you’d made it over there and thrown it open, you’d sent hundreds of wishes to the universe that nobody would be out there. It was dark out on the small balcony but from what you could tell, your prayers were answered.

Your hands were touching the cold metal of the railing as you leaned your upper half over it slightly, taking deep breaths and shutting your eyes tight to try to bring your nerves down.

It was easy to be social and friendly in casual spaces like a classroom, quick conversations in the hallways that held no substance or weight came naturally to you and made your head feel lighter after a heavy work load but you’d never been a fan of large dense crowds in intimate spaces.

“Please don’t tell me you’re about to start singing.” You froze at the sound of somebody talking, spinning around to see you had clearly missed the other person leaning against the wall of the balcony in your haste to escape the party.

Park Sunghoon was stood casually, ankle crossed over the other as he watched you from the shadows. Your eyebrow quirked up at the burning red ash hanging off his lip and he shrugged softly at your curious glance.

“Why would I start singing?” You almost snapped the words but reeled your emotions in, remembering suddenly that you were meant to find him and apologize tonight.

“Looks like a disney princess, acts like a disney princess… you do the math.” He was answering like it was obvious and you were regretting your plan for the hundredth time that night.

You ignored his obvious attempt to bait you despite your instinct begging you to ask him what he meant by that, unable to tell if it was a diss or a begrudged compliment. You were taking a step towards him awkwardly with a sheepish expression and his raised eyebrow made another appearance. “Listen Park..”

“Please don’t make me listen to an apology monologue.” He was quickly interrupting you and your mouth dropped open in disbelief, staring up at him with wide eyes. “Consider it forgiven, plus you weren’t exactly wrong anyways.”

He was looking at you intensely but you couldn’t quite place what his expression was saying considering how dark it was, only relying on the reflective light of whatever he was smoking to provide some clarity.

“Great, so I came to this stupid party for no reason.” You were relieved he had seemingly forgiven you despite the awkward tension in the air but now you felt more defeated, having wasted an outfit and an entire night that you could’ve been in bed comfortable and studying during.

You sat down on one of the chairs around the balcony with a sigh, half laying down in social exhaustion. He let out a breath that could’ve been a laugh and then he was moving away from the wall and sitting down in another chair across from you.

He was easier to see now and you scanned his outfit as he rounded into the chair, feeling embarrassed suddenly at his casual attire and tightening your cardigan around your middle to try to hide the obvious effort you applied.

“Are you implying you came all the way to your first party just to see me?” His voice was mocking but not particularly rude, regardless it caused heat to rise to your cheeks. “How’d you even know I’d be here?”

“Riki said…” You were mumbling as you shrugged and avoided looking at him, suddenly realizing how weird your whole plan could seem from an outside perspective.

“Your tall friend.” He was stating in confirmation and you nodded. You were slightly thrown off that he knew what your friends looked like, along with the fact he had either just assumed it was your first party or paid attention enough to know you didn’t go out much.

The two of you didn’t say anything after that for a moment, only the sound of his inhales around what you could now see was a cigarette and the low thumping of music on the other side of the glass door, breaking up the silence.

You were trying not to stare too hard at him but you found it weird he had accepted so quickly the rude things you’d said, sitting out in the cold across from you like you were friends casually taking a smoke break.

Park Sunghoon typically fell pretty high on your list of stress inducers, your other wise easy going days and personality helping you breeze through most weeks without any issues. So it felt beyond strange to be finding comfort in the silence that came alongside his presence.

It didn’t last long however, only extending around ten minutes before there was loud banging against the slider door. Sunghoon didn’t move, just carelessly glancing over but you jumped up out of your seat and smoothed down your dress.

Riki was standing on the other side of the door, his fist pressed against it from where he’d just been slamming on it. His sharp eyebrows were furrowed in irritation and you gave him a confused glare before he was gesturing over his shoulder to where Jungwon was currently in the middle of the dance floor.

“Oh wow.” You heard Sunghoon breathe a laugh from his spot in the chair, the sight of your usually uptight friend dancing around with a sloshing cup, throwing the both of you off. “That’s probably not good.”

“Yeah.” You let out in a rush, glancing back at him and then towards Riki again apologetically. “I should probably go.”

You’re not sure why you said it, feeling immediately embarrassed when he gave you an amused look and shrugged his wide shoulders like he didn’t require you to say goodbye to him.

You were stumbling away from the porch in a hurry before you could embarrass yourself more, the loud noises of the party immediately hitting you once you slid the glass open to join Riki in an attempt to get Jungwon home.

——

Your normal schedule was already in a complete disarray and you were one more mishap from breaking down, quickly moving through the halls with your backpack clutched to your chest so it didn’t smack against your back as you ran.

“Hi Y/N.” Jake was greeting you casually once you made it to the library, an hour past when you normally liked to be there. “Rough morning?”

You glanced at him from where you were bent over, hands on your knees and you tried to catch your breath. You gave him a small smile and nodded your head, sitting up slowly and placing a book down in front of him gently on the customer service desk.

“Any good?” He was smiling at you as he scanned it, placing it in his return pile and leaning forward on the surface so he could focus in on your response.

“Not sure if it’s your taste but I liked it.” You shrugged at him and you grinned and he nodded his head in understanding, glancing behind you momentarily.

“Your scary friend has been waiting for you I think, by the way.”

You were turning as you spoke, shaking your head at him in amusement. “Riki isn’t scary, he’s just…”

Your words trailed off as you followed his line of sight and quickly realized who he had been referring to. Park Sunghoon was sat at the table nearest to the entrance, leaning back casually and playing with his pen, his classic raised eyebrow as he watched you and Jake interact.

He didn’t say anything but he looked slightly amused at the way your mouth dropped open in surprise, faltering completely.

Giving a smile to Jake and a small wave, you hesitantly made your way over to where Sunghoon was sitting and placed your backpack down on the chair across from him.

“How’d you know I’d be here?” You questioned him with a slow tone and you watched his expression to see if he’d be annoyed at your lack of greeting.

“Library boy said he’d see you tomorrow.” He shrugged like it was an obvious thing to pick up or care about. “And it’s tomorrow.”

You gave him a questioning stare that he held without any issue, slowly sitting down in your chair and trying to decide what approach to take to such a strange conversation. You hadn’t expected to see him again, surely not as soon as you currently were and not in the library.

“Would you rather me have not shown up?” He was cocking an eyebrow at you and you stared at him for a few seconds, trying to decide if he was baiting you into another argument or if he was genuinely trying to understand your current thought process.

You weren’t exactly sure how to answer his question, grateful he had shown up despite your previous out burst but also feeling extremely awkward after your weird interaction at the party. You’d had plans for what to work on today, a list of precise details and assignments you needed to complete, but your mind felt completely blank now looking at him.

He shifted in his seat and you realized you hadn’t answered him yet, clearing your throat quickly and offering him a small smile and a brief nod.

“I’m glad you showed up Park. We have a lot of work to do.” You were chirping out and he scoffed out a laugh at your sudden bright tone, putting back on your usual nice tone and expression. Your eye twitched at his disapproving laugh but you attempted to keep your cherry mood as you pulled open one of your shared classes textbooks.

You could feel him staring at you as you did so and your hands suddenly felt stiff and clammy under his watchful eyes, your movements awkward and clumsy.

“Do I make you nervous or something?” He was suddenly speaking again and you froze where you were bent over to reach the floor and dig through your backpack.

You sat to swiftly to glare at him, fixing your hair when it shifted forward into your face and he smirked slightly again at the familiar look returning to your face. He was leaning back in the chair casually and his arms were crossed as he looked at you, jacket pulled tight on his arms.

“Why on earth would you make me nervous Park.” You were whispering to him but the words were forced and rough, leaning forward with tour elbows on the table.

“Scared maybe?” He was shrugging like it was obvious and you gave him a confused expression, not sure where he would’ve gotten that idea from. “Just assuming considering your guard dogs have been staring at us this entire time.”

“What are you-“ You were shaking your head and trailing when he was lazily glancing over your shoulder as an explanation. You whipped around in your seat just in time to see two familiar faces hurriedly duck behind the nearest book shelf. You could hear Jungwon’s voice complaining in a whisper shout that Riki had bumped him on accident.

You were turning back to the table and groaning loudly, a sound you rarely made outside of your friend group and Sunghoon’s face almost twisted in surprise. You put your head in your hands and avoided looking at him in embarrassment.

“They’re psychotic.” You were announcing, your voice muffled by your sleeves and hair.

“They’re kind of funny.” Sunghoon was saying it like he was reluctant to admit it and you picked your head up to look at him in surprise. His expression remained neutral, as always, as he looked at you. “You guys should come to my friends party this weekend.”

Despite seeing him at the last party, it completely threw you off to hear him so casually mention going to one. Then it dawned on you that he was not only mentioning it, but inviting you and your friends and you completely flushed.

He was still just watching you with that same blank stare and you suddenly felt extremely nervous at his proposition. You didn’t take him as the party type, and you also didn’t know he had friends in the first place let alone ones who were social enough to throw parties. You were shaking your head before you even processed doing it and his eyebrow cocked again.

“We don’t really… party much.” You were awkwardly mumbling out and he gave you a disbelieving look.

“The little one sure seems to.” He responded quickly and you were confused for a second before remembering he had also been a witness to Jungwon’s adventure last time, the sole reason your conversation on the deck had been cut short in the first place.

“Do you always know this much about people?” You changed the topic to try and distract him from the fact you had completely lied about your friends recent habits, sliding your elbows further on the table so you were leaned over it a bit and giving off the impression that you were interrogating him.

For the first time since you’d met him, he looked slightly startled at your sudden statement. His responses were normally quick and witty but he didn’t say anything for a few seconds, watching you with a small hint of bewilderment on his otherwise stiff face.

“No offense but.. I didn’t know you even had friends.” You felt bad for making him uncomfortable and you quickly tried to change the subject back to his invite, thankful to see the tension leave his shoulders as he scoffed at your words.

“None taken. You wouldn’t know them anyways.” He was shrugging and you frowned, priding yourself on being social and friendly with people all over the school. “Different social circles.”

“Try me.” You were blurting out, determined to prove him wrong and show that you didn’t discriminate about who you were friendly to. He gave you a knowing look but you weren’t deterred, a smug expression on your face as you waited for him to name names.

He waited for a few seconds before sighing and sitting up in his seat a bit. “Lee Heeseung?”

Your shoulders dropped at the unfamiliar name, never having even heard it in passing and his smirk widened. He didn’t name anybody else and you were glad considering your ego was already bruised from the first one. He repeated the fact that you ran in different circles and you watched him curiously as he shifted again, checking his phone suddenly that you hadn’t noticed was abandoned on the table.

“Fuck.” He was mumbling under his breath and shoving the device into his pocket, pushing out of his sweet casually and giving you a quick look. “I’ve gotta go, let’s reschedule.”

“But we didn’t even-“ You were pausing in your objection when he was already turning and disappearing out of the library, your hands raising in bewilderment at his sudden departure before you’d even slightly started to work on anything. You let out a sigh and flopped back in your seat.

You sat there for a few moments on self pity before you heard faint whispers and grunts coming behind you and you groaned softly at the reminder you had an audience. Turning your head slightly to let them know you knew they were there.

“Get out here idiots.”

——

Park Sunghoon hadn’t responded to any of your text messages for the rest of the school week and you were absolutely fuming, not even able to control your expression as you walked between classes.

Students were sending you concerned glances as you marched through the campus, a deep frown underneath your tensed eyebrows, a direct opposite to what your normal expression was. He hadn’t shown up to any classes either so you couldn’t yell at him and release your pent up anger even if you wanted to.

“Jesus Y/N.” Riki was calling from somewhere to the side of you and he quickly matched your stride as he joined you, his long legs easily following along to your fast stomps. “You look like you’re about to kill somebody.”

“Trust me, I would be killing somebody if that certain somebody would come out of hiding.” You were spitting out and turning a corner sharply, having finished classes for the day and deciding to head back to your dorm instead of going to the library.

“I know you said no, but why don’t we just go to that party he mentioned then.” Riki was sighing softly and you could feel him looking at you in worry, more serious than he normally was considering how distressed you’d been as you took on two work loads. “He’s bound to be there right? I just wish it wasn’t Heeseung’s party..”

He was trailing off and you paused in your tracks, his arm bumping into yours at your abrupt stop and he turned back to raise an eyebrow at you in confusion.

“You know Lee Heeseung?” You were rushing out, shifting your books to your other arm so you could raise a hand and poke his chest accusingly.

“I know everybody dude.” He gave you a look like he thought you were stupid for missing the obvious and honestly you kind of were, for some reason only now remembering your best friend was the biggest social butterfly in your school.

You knew everybody, but Riki actively engaged with people and was a casual member of multiple friend groups, especially when it came to filling his weekends with various parties and activities.

“He’s trouble though Y/N, and I mean it.” He was shaking his head with a disapproving look on his face and you furrowed your eyebrows at him. You’d never experienced somebody that your friend didn’t like, the expression on his face causing a weird pit in your stomach to form. “That whole group is, I can’t believe Park is friends with people like that.”

The two of you continued to walk after agreeing to discuss it with Jungwon before making any decisions.

You felt extremely thrown off by what Riki had told you, knowing Park Sunghoon definitely had a reputation and an astoundingly stern attitude problem but you couldn’t imagine him hanging out with a crowd as rough as Riki was warning you he did. He seemed to be full more of teasing comments and selfishness than he was actual problematic behavior but the other part of you was confused why you felt the instinct to defend him.

You sighed softly and shifted your books around in your arms, pushing it deep into your mind for now.

——

“I’m telling you, I really have a terrible feeling about this guys.” Jungwon was leaning down to whisper into your ear as you stood in the small line outside the house the party was in, loud music already pouring out and deafening your surroundings despite the fact you were barely on the front lawn.

You glanced over at Riki to see him carrying a similar worried expression, unusually tense as he glanced around at the area you were in.

The energy was vastly different than the last party you’d went to, the same going for the attendees. Most seemed like they were a lot older than you and your friends, carrying a strange look in their eyes and regarding each other with tensed conversations that bordered on arguments.

Your sick feeling from earlier had returned full forced and you tugged on the sleeves of your sweater anxiously, regretting that you had followed Sunghoon’s lead of a casual outfit like he wore last time. Most the women at this party were anything but casual, wearing very little clothing and carrying themselves with a maturity you couldn’t even fake.

“We can be in and out, I promise.” You were tugging them down more to your level to whisper, a heavy guilty settling in at the fact you’d even brought them along. “I’ll find him and tell him to get his stuff together, then we can go home and watch Spider-Man.”

Your friends gave you soft encouraging smiles but their shoulders didn’t lose any tension and neither did yours, only growing more nervous when you were finally passing through the doorway. The three of you moved in unison over to the kitchen area and you turned to them once you reached somewhere that felt somewhat neutral.

It was small enough that nobody was actually hanging out in there, simply giving you strange looks as they passed by to refill their cups.

“You guys stay here and I’ll go and find him.” You were sternly telling them and Jungwon’s face curled up in disapproval.

“Are you kidding me? No way we are letting you walk around out there by yourself.” He was shaking his head and you deflated slightly, knowing the sight of you and your friends approaching to scold him would do nothing but drive Sunghoon further away from you and your overload of assignments.

“If I’m not back in 20 minutes, come and find me.” You were telling them as a form of compromising, raising a hand with your pinky stuck out.

Jungwon was sighing but eventually complying with your ask, raising his and linking your fingers together in a promise. You glanced at Riki and he gave you a small nod of acceptance, still carrying that dark expression that you weren’t used to seeing.

You were readying yourself before pushing back out into the main are, taking a deep breath and adjusting your skirt before heading back out through the door and scanning the general area.

It only took a few seconds before somebody was bumping into you from behind, sending you into somebody else and this continued for a few encounters before you were catching your footing and getting the memo that standing around like a lost deer wasn’t the right move.

You tried to look casual as you moved through the crowd but you knew your attire and demeanor gave you away upon first glance, possibly even passing for a confused highschooler in the eyes of the weathered people you were stuck in the sweaty room with. You were once again second guessing what you knew about Park Sunghoon, doubt running through your mind that he would take your demand as smoothly as he did your previous outburst towards him.

Luckily you were spotting him quicker than you thought you would, just starting to lose hope that you’d find him at all before you caught sight of his familiar bleached hair and leather jacket.

That familiar anger from earlier was building back up and you pulled your face into a determined expression, not letting him and his mysterious social life scare you off. You marched over to him and aggressively poked him in the back, faltering slightly when he whipped around with a heavy glare.

His face fell when he registered it was you and you figured it was just because he’d been expecting a friend or he was preparing for your lecture, not realizing that he had been mid conversation with a few guys who were smoking behind his back on the couch.

“How dare you Park Sunghoon.” You were starting off strong in your rambles, only slightly thrown off that his eyes were widening and his face was showing the biggest display of emotion you’d seen since you’d met him. You couldn’t quite read what he was feeling however so you decided to continue. “Do you have any idea how exhausted I’ve been this week? Not to mention looking for you absolutely everywhere like a crazy person, just for you to never even bother to show up.”

“Also.. your phone, I’ve been..” You were slowly trailing off, both because his lack of response and the fact somebody was now standing off the couch and approaching the two of you from behind Sunghoon. “I’ve been calling and you..”

“You must be the scholar.” The boy was cutting you off with a strange grin, wrapping an arm around Sunghoon’s shoulder and pulling him in a bit tighter to his chest.

You watched Sunghoon wince slightly and give you a sharp warning look, silently trying to communicate that you had made a mistake. You didn’t need for him to tell you that considering you could immediately feel the energy of the room shift at his arrival, the grin slowly sliding off his sharp face the longer you stared.

“You don’t know how to introduce yourself?” He was saying, a played up disappointment in his voice and he kissed his teeth before turning to look at the side of Sunghoon’s face. “Thought you said your girl had manners Hoonie.”

Your face flushed at the mocking question directed towards you and then more so at the phrase he’d used to Sunghoon. You’d obviously been talked about before considering the nickname he had called you and the implication that Sunghoon spoke on your behavior.

“Well I’m Heeseung.” He was smiling at you, a toothy grin that was immediately dropping back into that lazy smirk. It was similar to the one the boy next to him often wore but it felt a lot meaner, his eyes sharp as they stared down at you analytically. “And you’re Y/N… did you dress yourself Y/N?”

Your cheeks felt red and hot as you instinctively glanced down at your outfit, tugging your sleeves over your hands anxiously and parting your mouth to try and say something. You felt embarrassed at the fact he was clearly making fun of you, something you’d experienced before due to your bubbly personality but never so sincere and nasty.

It got even worse when you realized your eyes were starting to water, not meaning to cry but the overwhelming humiliation activating your fight or flight. You glanced at Sunghoon and he was watching you with a heavy look that you didn’t understand.

“Is she mute? You didn’t mention she was mute Hoonie.” Heeseung was squeezing his shoulders again and Sunghoon was finally moving a bit, shoving his arm back so the other boy wasn’t holding onto him anymore. He glared at him but still didn’t say anything, certainly not coming to your defense. “I didn’t say it was a bad thing sweetheart, it’s actually kind of sexy. The whole pathetic virgin look you have going on.”

He laughed softly as he spoke but you knew he wasn’t attempting to make a joke, his eyes scanning up and down your frame with an expression you’d never seen somebody have before. You couldn’t tell if he was actually considering you lustfully or if it was pure disgust in his eyes.

“Leave her be man.” Sunghoon was finally speaking now, a soft sigh accompanying his words and he nudged his friends arm softly.

“Sunghoon said you’ve been on his ass for days.” Heeseung was completely ignoring him and continuing, not even sparing the other boy a glance and keeping his stare firmly locked on your frame. “Hitting him up constantly like some clingy bitch of a girlfriend.”

You shot him a hurt stare but he was avoiding looking at you now, his eyes on his shoes or past your head as his friend continued to berate you. You looked back at the unfamiliar boy and shook your head softly, feeling some of your hair loosen from your pins and a tear finally break loss and stream down your cheek.

You hurriedly wiped it with your sleeve and Sunghoon’s head shot back up at the movement, face crumbling for a second before hardening back up when Heeseung glanced at him to see his reaction to your tears.

Something was bumping into you from behind and you were starting to turn and apologize, planning to use the distraction as a way to disappear from the terrible interaction when you realized who it was pressing against you.

Heeseung was immediately smiling again at the sudden arrival of your friends but Sunghoon tensed more, like he knew their presence would upset his friend even further and escalate the situation. Heeseung didn’t look at all deterred by the fact Riki was a lot taller than him, or the deep glare that Jungwon was sending him from your side where he was grabbing your arm softly.

“It’s been 20 minutes.” Your youngest friends voice was resounding from behind you, his tone lower than normal and you could feel his chest rumble against your back. “We have to go.”

You nodded your head even though you weren’t facing him and your hand instinctively came up to wipe your face off again. Jungwon was stood rod stiff next to you and radiating an anger you’d never experienced from the gentle and mature boy.

You considered saying something to Sunghoon, even as small as letting him know he was off the hook and didn’t need to help you with any assignments. One look at him told you that would be a mistake, understanding now what his harsh expression when he saw you had meant.

Heeseung was still making comments as the three of you turned to leave, whining about how the fun had only just started and other things that you tuned out as you let out a small sob and let your friends guide you through the crowd.

You felt embarrassed to be so upset over a few mean comments but you couldn’t shake the feeling of disgust that washed over you at his words and nasty stare, wiping your tears again and feeling the way one of your friends hands tensed against your arms at the movement. You felt guilty for dragging them out of their dorms for no reason, not even succeeding in getting your partner to cooperate.

“Y/N.” You could hear your voice being called as the three of you pushed out into the lawn but you ignored it when you realized who it was. “Please, just wait a damn second.”

You stopped abruptly because your friends did, Riki immediately turning around and approaching the boy in an agitated manner. You watched him press his chest close to Sunghoon’s in a challenge and you silently pleaded that he would be smart enough to not start a fight where you knew nobody and Sunghoon apparently had social ties.

Sunghoon paid the younger boy no mind, quickly giving him a unbothered glance before looking over his shoulder towards where you were standing and holding onto Jungwon.

“Two minutes.” He was requesting and his eyebrows were pulled forward in a serious expression, waiting for your answer. “Please.”

The rare use of the word from him made you feel hesitant to say no and you sighed before approaching them slowly, softly touching Riki’s arm and whispering for him and Jungwon to go down the street a bit and call for an Uber home.

You watched them as they walked away, both sending you concerned looks over their shoulders as they got further up the street and you tried your best to give them a reassuring smile. When they were far enough that they wouldn’t be able to hear your conversation, you turned back to Sunghoon and sniffled softly although you’d almost stopped crying by now.

“Let’s just get this over with then.” You were hurrying out, shaking your head and avoiding looking at him.

You imagined you looked like a complete mess, contradicting your typical put together demeanor. You’d taken your hair pins out and you could feel it getting messier as you kept running your hands over it, face red and puffy from being upset.

“I know I’m annoying and pushy, and I probably texted you too much but I was just freaking out with how much work we had to do and I didn’t know how to get ahold of you.” You were rambling off and pulling at your sweater uncomfortably, still not looking at him even though you could see he was taking a step forward.

“You shouldn’t have come here.” His voice was saying and your head shot up to glare at him in confusion, not caring that his expression was still pretty soft and not angry.

“Need I remind you that you invited me, asshole.” You spat at him, raising an accusatory finger but you didn’t poke his chest like you normally did.

“I shouldn’t have, it was stupid of me.” He was shaking his head and sighing, looking past you for a second before his eyes were shooting back. He never seemed to have an issue with staring (or glaring) at you but something about your puffy eyes and furrowed eyebrows was making it hard for his gaze to stay locked on your face. “My phone… it just wasn’t on and I didn’t think you’d come since I didn’t answer.”

You didn’t say anything for a few seconds, not really understanding why he was explaining himself to you considering he clearly wanted nothing to do with you and he’d never cared about your opinion on anything before.

He was just watching you with that same weird expression he had inside, almost compassionate but still guarded and heavy with something you couldn’t name and frankly, didn’t want to. You’d decided it was best just to leave this situation alone, Heeseung’s mean words still ringing in your mind louder and louder every time you looked at Sunghoon’s face.

“You don’t need to tell me this. It’s not like we’re friends or anything.” You were telling him and you stared at your shoes so you didn’t need to see his reaction to your words.

He didn’t say anything for a few beats and your eyes flitted back up swiftly to see why he had gone silent. His jaw was clenched now and he’d lost the expression that was making your stomach hurt, returning back to being hardened and emotionless.

“Yeah you’re right. We aren’t friends.” He was saying it with finality and your chest ached despite being the one to originally say it, his tone a lot more sincere than yours.

You expected him to just give up on the conversation and walk away but he was just standing there as he watched you, eyes darting around your disheveled hair and the way you were still continuously pulling at your sweater sleeves. You eventually couldn’t stand the tension anymore, along with the fear Heeseung would come looking for his friend sooner or later.

You took a deep breath before giving him a small sad smile, turning on your heel to go and find your friends.

——

“You should’ve just taken the day off Y/N.” Jungwon was whispering to you the next Monday, seated beside you in your shared class and sending you concerned glances every few seconds.

He’d been saying this since the incident at the party, telling you it would be best if you took a sick day before coming back to school. Especially to the classes in which you shared with Park Sunghoon.

You’d been ignoring his warnings, never missing a day before unless it was absolutely unavoidable and you didn’t plan to start because some boy had hurt your feelings a few days ago. You were wearing your usual attire and sitting up straight in your seat, smiling at everybody who entered and refreshing your perfume between lectures.

Besides, it wasn’t like you actually had any plans to run into the reasons for your upset. Heeseung didn’t actually attend your school, you’d quickly found out by pretending to be tutoring him and asking the administration office for his dorm number, and Sunghoon might as well not have considering he never seemed to actually show up anymore.

So you felt a bit thrown off, and regretful that you hadn’t taken your best friends advice, when you were walking into your next class alone and immediately being hit with the familiar sight of his bleached hair.

Not only had he come to class for the first time in nearly two weeks, but he was sat front and center in the seat beside your usual one. You’d faltered completely at the sight of him but before he could notice you in return, you were squaring your shoulders and forcing a bright grin onto your face.

You casually greeted the professor and a few of your peers, complimenting a girls new hair color and giving a small wave to somebody who had wished you good luck on an upcoming project. You weren’t looking at Sunghoon but there was no doubt he’d noticed you by now, the sound of your preppy voice undeniable.

It was nearly impossible to not look over at him once you sat down considering how close he was, his usual manspreading putting his knee far out into the isle so you had to squeeze past it to get to your own seat. You were sure he could feel the back of your legs brushing over his pants and you winced slightly before rushing through the rest of the tight aisle and hurriedly sitting down in your seat.

You cleared your throat and flattened down your hair, fixing your posture and preparing to make it through the duration of the class without needing to interact with the boy.

It was surprisingly easier than you’d expected, although you found yourself unable to focus half the time just from the knowledge that he was so close to you. Still, you didn’t sense the familiar feeling of him staring at the side of your head and he definitely didn’t try to speak to you. You felt bewildered on why he would even show up to class if it wasn’t to confront you or discuss your shared assignments, seemingly just listening to the professor as he rambled on.

Your confusion didn’t stop you from rushing out of the classroom in a hurry the second it was dismissed, breezing past classmates and not giving Sunghoon the opportunity to say anything to you.

——

“How could you possibly forget your phone?” Your youngest friends voice was hitting your ears, albeit muffled considering you were in the familiar position of burying your face into your carpet and letting out low painful groans.

“She was too busy running away from the campus asshole.” Jungwon was explaining, having quickly pieced together what had happened the second you’d crashed through the door in a panic.

Your two friends had already made themselves comfortable in your dorm before you’d gotten there, citing it was more peaceful than their own because you didn’t have a roommate like most students did. You didn’t pay them any mind before sinking to the floor like you’d lost all your bones and telling them what had happened in a series of short carpet spoken phrases.

“So? Just sneak in and grab it before they lock the main doors.” Riki was suggesting it like it was obvious and your head shot up off the floor, giving him a pleading look that he immediately deciphered. “Sorry Y/N, but no way. I’d get in trouble if I got caught, unlike a certain teacher’s favorite.”

“He’s right you know. Nobody would even think twice about you staying at the school late.” Jungwon was adding on from where he was sitting on top of your small bed and you sighed softly, knowing they both had a solid point.

Hence how you found yourself slowly slipping in behind a security guard through the doors to the school, hours after the last students had trickled out for the day and been forced to reside to their dorms or the 24 hour library if they wanted to continue studying. It was slightly eerie to see the area so empty, practicing your scripted explanation in case you were stopped by a less forgiving teacher or the campus security.

You felt a wave of anxiety as you moved through the halls, suddenly realizing the classroom might not be unlocked and if it was that would mean the professor could be right around the corner, waiting to interrogate you about how you’d gotten in.

Attempting to swallow your nerves, you continued towards the room you’d ran out off previously in the day. Park Sunghoon had created another problem in your life and you wished you could find it in yourself to be mad at him, still thrown off by his strange lack of bothering you he’d shown earlier. It was easy to convince yourself that you were just curious about him, nosy by nature and even more so considering how mysterious he tended to be.

You were slipping into the classroom swiftly, not touching the door in case somebody heard its hinges or noticed it had been opened wider. You let out a breath of relief that it had been left open and that the professor was seemingly not there, no sign of his briefcase or paperwork laid out on the desk.

The breath only lasted a few seconds, immediately being ripped out of you when you were suddenly being tugged aggressively backwards and almost losing your balance. You let out a small shriek of panic and surprise but a large hand was quickly placed over your mouth, stopping you from making another sound.

You couldn’t tell who it was that had grabbed you, especially considering they had pulled you into the small supply closet in the back of the classroom and the string light was turned off.

“What are you-“ You had smacked the hand off your face and were just starting to exclaim when a hissed shush was thrown back towards you. You immediately froze when you realized who it was, used to the familiar and aggressive tone.

Park Sunghoon was reaching up to tug on the lights string for a second and turn it on, showing you who he was with a raised eyebrow before switching it off again and shushing you once more. You felt a surge of anger at the fact he had pulled you in here, furthered by the fact that he seemed to think showing you it was him would calm your panic down.

Even more anger resurfaced considering that it actually slightly worked, relieved it wasn’t a complete stranger despite your intense confusion on what exactly he was doing.

“Park?” You tensed up when you heard the professors voice from outside the closet, quickly understanding that they must’ve been having some sort of meeting before you’d walked in and nearly gotten caught.

Sunghoon noticed your stiffening body, considering you were completely pushed up against each other due to how small the closet was. You could feel him looking down at you and you glanced up quickly, barely able to make out his features in the dark but just enough that you could see the warning in his eyes.

You gave him a small nod and his shoulders lowered in relief, knowing you wouldn’t give the two of you up. You weren’t sure if you’d actually get in trouble or not but you didn’t want to risk it, even the idea of the smallest mark on your record making your stomach turn with anxiety.

“That damn kid.” The professor was cursing under his breath and you could hear the disappointment in his voice at the fact Sunghoon had presumably ditched the meeting while he had left the room, glancing back up at the boy to see a strange look on his face.

At first you assumed he had been in trouble and was being scolded but due to the tone of your teachers voice, you imagined now it was something different. Potentially the two of them finally working some things out regarding Sunghoon’s absences and missing assignments.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Sunghoon was leaning down to whisper in your ear and a shiver ran through you at how close he had gotten, flushing at your bodies natural reaction and hoping he didn’t notice.

“I.. I forgot something.” You were rocking forward onto your toes to be able to whisper it back to him and you furrowed your brows at the fact you were giving him an answer anyways, not sure why you felt you had to explain yourself to him.

He was standing back to his full height again to stare down at you and you watched him in confusion before feeling something hard pressing into your stomach. Your eyes shot downwards in a panic and you froze up when you realized he was holding your phone in his hand and attempting to pass it to you in the small space. Your eyes shot back up to his face in surprise before you were grabbing it and slipping it into your hoodies front pocket.

Another voice was suddenly appearing from outside the closet and you stiffened up enough to accidentally stumble in shock, nearly falling backwards and knocking into the various mops and brooms if it wasn’t for the hand reaching forward to steady itself around your waist. You froze at the feeling and glanced up to see Sunghoon staring up at the light and avoiding looking at you, eyes closed for a second in a wince.

He didn’t let go of you however, keeping his hand placed there firmly despite the fact you had regained your balance and didn’t plan on moving again anytime soon.

“Hope you don’t have anywhere to be anytime soon.” He was speaking again and you almost panicked at the fact he hadn’t leaned closer to be more discreet when you realized the conversation taking place outside was loud enough to be undetected if you spoke in a low whisper.

“Well luckily for me the pathetic virgin convention was moved to next week so.” You weren’t sure why you had brought it up, directly referencing what Heeseung had called you and the incident at the party, but you immediately regretted it considering the way his face tensed at the words.

You assumed he was upset with you for starting a petty argument when neither one of you could move or even really voice your actual thoughts upon a certain decibel, growing more nervous when he just sighed and didn’t say anything for a few minutes.

“I don’t know why he said that.” He was suddenly saying and you froze a bit at the fact he hadn’t gotten upset with you, instead sounding almost guilty.

“It’s not your fault I guess.” You shrugged awkwardly and looked at his chest so you didn’t have to see his face, reaching up to push some of your hair behind your ear that was falling forward. “You didn’t know he’d repeat the stuff you said.”

“I didn’t say anything like that.” He was saying quickly, his tone almost offended that you had assumed he did.

“You didn’t?” Your voice was laced in surprise and you looked back up at him with wide eyes, his eyebrows furrowed and his gaze darted around your face at the sight of you staring up towards him through your eyelashes.

“No, of course not.” He was shaking his head and his lip was slightly downturned but you didn’t find it as obvious as he seemed to think it was, never directly being cruel towards you necessarily but also never providing any evidence towards the fact he wouldn’t insult you behind your back. “I like… your sweaters.”

He awkwardly trailed off at the end, pausing between the words like he hadn’t mean to start saying them and he looked back up at the light like he was avoiding the way your eyes widened. You felt your cheeks flush at his attempt to compliment you, his hand against your side tensing like he’d forgotten it was even there and he was instinctively using your soft skin as a stress ball.

“Really? You do?” You were whispering before you even realized it, your curiosity getting the best of you but he tensed again and you understood you probably pushed it too far by asking him to reiterate what he’d said.

The door to the classroom was opening and closing outside the closet and for a second you thought both teachers had left considering the sudden silence but you heard somebody clear their throat and realized the conversation had just ended and you still weren’t able to leave yet.

Sunghoon was suddenly leaning back down towards you and you felt panicked until you remembered you had to go back to speaking into each others ears, much to your dismay.

“Yeah, I do.” He was saying softly and you felt confused for a second before recalling the question you’d asked him, another small shiver running through you at his low tone and confirmation that he was complimenting you. If he didn’t notice before, he definitely did not considering he was still holding onto your side and his hand clenched around you.

The air was suddenly heavy and suffocating, a weird tension settling over both of you at the fact you were pressed so close and he was touching you so intimately like it was a natural thing that happened before, like you hadn’t barely talked outside of petty arguments and your conflict a few days prior.

Nonetheless, you had to communicate somehow and your hands were going up to hold onto his shoulders, both for the sake of pulling him down towards you and being able to prop yourself up with less risk of tilting backwards. Once you were closer to his ear, you were leaning forward and you could feel his heart beating from where you pressed against his chest.

“Why didn’t you say anything then?” You were mumbling hesitantly and he tensed up slightly when your lip accidentally touched his ear, immediately dropping back down to your original height and feeling your face heat up at the contact.

He was looking down at you and you held his stare, a small pout on your face that you didn’t even realize you had. You were thinking back to the party and how silent he had been while you were being insulted, despite not being friends and knowing he didn’t owe you any defense or protection, you still felt weird about the way he had just watched it unfold.

He was sighing and shaking his head, leaning back down towards you and his hand flexed again, pulling you tighter against him as a result of the movement. “It would’ve made it worse if I did.”

You were confused by what he meant but you didn’t want to look up and see his expression again, a lot closer now that he had subconsciously pulled you into him. He was still leaning down towards you and you wondered if he planned to say something else or if he was just sick of constantly bending back down.

Your hands were still around his shoulders, tightening around his neck in a weirdly familiar way to keep yourself from titling considering how close your feet were together in the small

space. You tried to think of a way to respond that would give you some answers without prying too much and accidentally upsetting him again.

“Why do you hang out with him?” You were whispering back into his ear and trying to ignore the fact that you were basically hugging as you spoke to each other.

“He’s family.” He was hesitantly answering after a few beats and you were surprised he had even offered the personal information at all, also understanding why that connection would make the situation more difficult and harder to remove himself from.

You let go of his shoulders but kept your hands on his chest in case you feel forward, not even realizing that his other hand has also come down to hold your side and you had no real reason to be touching him, complete secure in his grasp without the added support. You were able to see his face again now and he watched you with a curious expression, seemingly unfazed by the close contact unlike you and your still red cheeks.

“Did you really say I’d been on your ass? That I was like a clingy girlfriend?” You were a bit embarrassed by the saddened tone to your voice but you were genuinely curious and hurt by the fact Heeseung said he’d been told that, not having any way of knowing about your excessive text if Sunghoon hadn’t told him.

“He saw my phone.” He was sighing and starting to explain but he looked extremely awkward, more so than you’d ever seen him and he was ducking his head closer to yours to remain quiet now that you weren’t whispering in his ear anymore. “I couldn’t let him know we were friends or else he would’ve messed with you… more than he already did.”

You didn’t say anything for a while, just watching him and overwhelmingly aware of how close his face was to yours and how if you were the same height, your noses would’ve been touching. You would’ve thought he either didn’t notice or didn’t care, if it wasn’t for the way his eyes were darting around your face and occasionally pausing on your parted mouth.

“So we were friends?” Was all you managed to squeak out, holding your breath and staring up at him as your lips curled into a small smile.

He was standing blank for a second before a sudden scoff came out of his mouth, an eyebrow cocking at your amusement and you felt slightly relieved at the familiar expression back on his face now. You’d weirdly missed the cocky look in his eye, much preferring it over the hard and vacant one he’d been giving you since you’d fought.

“Maybe we could be if you weren’t always so nervous around me.” He was mumbling back in a teasing tone and your stomach flipped at the slightly flirty hint under his words, never crossing into that territory with him before despite the strange tension always sitting in the back of your mind.

Your breath was hitching at the way he tugged you closer again, his right hand sliding a bit so it was against your lower back instead of at your side and he could keep you flush against him. You watched him with big eyes, confused and slightly anxious at the sudden switch in his demeanor. You felt slightly guilty for immediately wondering if he was just messing with you, preparing to push you away and laugh the second you responded to his passes.

His eyes were suddenly more hesitant looking however, like he was wondering if he had made a mistake due to your lack of response and you realized he was just as nervous as you were, just more skilled at hiding his emotions.

“I don’t make you nervous?” You were whispering to him and he immediately shook his head, staring down at you intensely. Your hand flattened where it was on his chest and you hoped he didn’t see how bad it was shaking. “Not even a little bit?”

You thought, for a moment, that you heard his breath catch in his throat but you quickly discarded that idea. Sunghoon had never shown interest in you before outside of this moment and you figured he was just not thinking clearly due to your proximity and the adrenaline from possibly being caught, still a man in a tight space with a girl regardless if you were meant to be enemies or not.

However, you couldn’t help but think of the fact he’d both managed to compliment you and also seemed to pay a lot more attention to your life and schedule than you’d seen him apply towards other people. He knew who you were before you introduced yourself to him, aware of your closest friends and the fact you didn’t go to parties much.

You thought of the fact he had shown up at the library just off the passing comment Jake had made about seeing you the next day, inviting you to a party with your friends. It had turned out terrible but he’d still invited you, opening the doorway to potentially see each other outside of school and converse in a more neutral setting.

His face was dangerously close to yours as he took in your question, silently urging him to admit that he felt similarly to you when it came to the confusing nerves and anticipation you felt every time he was around. You always felt there was something unsaid between the two of you, pushed aside when you started to bicker or one of you had to leave early.

“Your hearts racing.” He ignored what you had said and you frowned softly, glancing down to where your bodies connected. He somehow seemed even closer once you were looking up again and your eyes widened a bit, wondering if he was intentionally leaning down more or if his body was just instinctively being drawn in.

“I’m scared to get caught.” You quickly answered, lying through your teeth but you knew he knew that. His mouth was curling into a smirk and he squeezed your back again, hips flushed together. “I’m serious.”

“I like when you wear this skirt.” He was retorting randomly and your stomach flipped at the rasp in his voice from whispering, not expecting him to keep changing the topic especially when he changed it to compliment you. You didn’t even realize this was something you apparently wore often, just throwing it on with your hoodie before heading back to the school and not thinking twice about it.

“Do you always pay such close attention to me?” You were asking him back, a hint of confidence at the fact he was continuously proving his interest in what you did. You’d asked him something similar before and you recalled the way he had frozen in the library, not answering you and getting tense at the way you’d called him out.

He didn’t react as extremely now, his face keeping that small smirk as he looked down at you like he had expected you to question his behavior. You were confused by his silence until you realized one of his hands had left your body, only noticing when you felt his fingers playing with the bottom of your skirt. He wasn’t lifting it or moving it at all, just gently guiding his hand alongside the seam and watching you.

Your eyes were wide as you looked at him, feeling strangely vulnerable and nervous as he started to toe a line that you didn’t expect him to even consider crossing. The light flirting was already strange of him but now you could feel his rough knuckles accidentally connecting with the smooth skin of your bare thigh.

“You want me to stop?” He was pausing to whisper once he noticed your panicked expression, eyebrow raising as he studied your face for any sign of rejection or hesitance.

You thought about it carefully for a few seconds, wondering if you were still upset with him enough to tell him to knock it off and then be left to awkwardly stand here until the professor left and you could sneak out. He’d infuriated you since you’d met but you also never denied finding him attractive, especially when he was barely inches from your face and throwing you casual compliments like it was something he’d done before.

When you were softly shaking your head, signaling you didn’t want him to quit whatever he was planning to do, he still waited a few seconds before he was moving his hand again.

You gasped softly at the fact he’d moved it off the hem of your skirt, instead going underneath it and pushing it up more so it was settled in the middle of your stomach and he could grab your side again without having the fabric in the way. You were suddenly glad it was dark because you knew that it was raised enough that it would leave your bottom half completely exposed, the skirt already barely coming up mid thigh and definitely now revealing your underwear that it was pushed so high up on your body.

He paused at the noise you had made, looking like he was thinking for a few seconds before he was using his other hand to cover your mouth and give you that same warning look that commanded you to keep quiet.

You nodded against his firm grip but another squeak came out of you when he was squeezing your side, his hand so big that it covered your entire hip and one of his fingers was caressing dangerously over the elastic of your underwear. He pulled your lower half closer to his again with a small grunt and you watched his expression through your eyelashes as he touched you so carelessly.

His eyes were meeting yours when his hand dipped under the strap on your hip, waiting for you to give a small nod of permission before he was slowly pulling your panties down your body and shifting again so you could rest on top of his sturdy leg.

You made a small cry at the contact, practically sitting on his thigh now completely bare and you could feel his hand continuously stroking up and down the outside of your leg, almost transfixed by the feeling of how smooth your skin was. Your arms were coming back up to hold onto his shoulders so you didn’t have to completely press yourself onto his pants and you suddenly felt embarrassed by how exposed you were.

He looked slightly frustrated for a second and you realized it was because he only had one hand available, still covering your mouth with the other one. You reached up to grab his wrist and remove it, bringing it down to place it against your waist and flushing at the slightly surprised look he was giving you at the bold action.

“If I get loud; kiss me.” You were whispering into his ear suddenly and you could feel him tense at the idea, not sure if he was interested in the thought of it or against doing something so intimate. Either way, he didn’t object verbally and just used his two hands to slowly lower you back down onto his clothed leg.

“Anyone ever touched you before?” He was asking suddenly, glancing at your face with a hard expression and waiting for you to respond. One of his hands was caressing your thigh now, getting closer to your core every time he rubbed it and another shutter ran through you at his low tone and the implication that he was planning on touching you.

“Not there.” You were whispering back and shaking your head, squeezing his shoulder in anticipation and feeling a bit dizzy from the sudden rush of want you felt towards him.

“Tell me where.” His face was still hard as he watched you and for a second you thought he sounded a little jealous at the fact somebody had touched you before, his hand squeezing your side almost painfully and pulling you higher up on his leg.

“Just… just when kissing. H-he was… like.” Your face was completely flushed as you tried to explain to him what little experience you had, only ever having an eager high school boy carelessly grope your chest during a terrible make out session.

He seemed to assume what you were implying and you felt his hand leave your leg for a moment, sliding up under your hoodie and rubbing up your rib cage softly. You sucked in a tight breath and held eye contact with him as his hand reached your chest, tensing his grip slightly and his rough thumb ran over your nipple swiftly like he was testing your reaction.

You bucked forward a bit at the feeling, grateful you hadn’t worn anything under your hoodie but overwhelmed at the feeling of him softly kneading your chest and the fact he was staring down at you emotionless as you slowly got more and more overwhelmed.

“Did it feel good?” He was asking in a low rasp and you almost nodded, thinking he was referring to what he had just done but you paused when you realized he was talking about the other boy. “When he was touching you like this, did you like it?”

You were quickly shaking your head in denial, cringing at the memory of rough hands that didn’t actually care about you or your pleasure. Despite his tough demeanor and personality, Sunghoon’s touch was gentle although unrelenting in the way he continued to squeeze your soft skin.

“Feel good now?” He was muttering and you nodded softly, falling forward slightly against his chest at the feeling and your breath caught again at the way you accidentally pressed harder onto his leg. You were sure you were making a mess on his pants, dripping ever since he started to squeeze your sides and whisper into your ear and you felt embarrassed at the fact he’d surely see it later once you were out of the dark. “Say it.”

“Feels good.” You were quickly repeating, instinctively following his order when you heard how serious his voice was and you imagined he would’ve teased you for listening to him so obediently if you weren’t having to make as little noise as possible.

Speaking of noise, it was becoming an issue for you pretty quickly, especially as his hands went back under your skirt to help you shift your hips against his leg. Between the feeling of him underneath you and his big hands holding your hips tightly. He seemed to take notice of your struggle and he paused to watch you for a second, looking like he was conflicted.

You were about to ask him what was wrong, worried by the sudden apprehension on his face before he was abruptly leaning his head down to kiss you.

You froze in surprise for a second before quickly kissing him back, suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that you really wanted to kiss him. You’d tried not to think about it before, pushing it deep in your mind but he seemed just as desperate in the way his hands were moving again and cupping your face gently.

You both seemed to forget about the fact you were currently sat on his thigh, lost in the kiss and moving against each other at a fast and intense pace. The tension that was in the air felt like it had burst, completely mesmerized by the feeling of kissing him so deeply and you felt less worried about how intimate it felt considering he was keeping your face tight against his.

He leaned back a bit to catch his breath, staring down at you with a strange look in his eyes and you yelped slightly when he was suddenly moving his leg so it was back on the ground. You weren’t pressed against him anymore and you were confused when he suddenly fixed your skirt to cover you up again, thinking he had changed his mind and was stopping.

To your surprise, he was standing back up after helping you get dressed and he stared at you for a few seconds with a wild expression before he was eagerly pulling you back into a kiss. His hands were cupping under your thighs to pull you up higher and you made a small noise into his mouth with how desperately he was kissing you, almost bordering on romantic if you didn’t know any better.

But you did know better so you were slightly confused and thrown off by the way he was licking into your mouth like it was something he craved, holding you against him like he was scared you’d disappear if he didn’t keep a tight enough grip.

You were thinking of pulling back and asking him when you heard the sound of the classroom door slamming shut, both of you jumping in place and freezing. You’d almost completely forgotten you were even in your current situation, so focused on Sunghoon and his touch.

You were glancing back at him to see his reaction but his face was hard again and his hand was coming up to touch his swollen lips for a second before he was shaking his head, almost to himself, and pushing the door open. You were worried for a second that the teacher might still be there but you quickly realized the room was empty when Sunghoon continued to step further into it, offering you a glance back over his shoulder when you didn’t follow.

Still in a daze in the closet, you watched him in confusion. You didn’t understand the switch in his demeanor, his shoulders tense and his eyebrows furrowed as he glared at you like you were somehow the one being confusing.

Eventually, you stumbled out of the closet and attempted to smooth out your hair that he had completely messed up with his touchy hands and eager movements. He was just watching you and you saw him touch his lips again, your own turning down into a frown at the upset look on his face.

You figured you had been right and he didn’t want to kiss you, only doing it to keep you quiet and now regretting it. This confused you considering how into it he had seemed to be, more passionate and desperate than you ever thought he could get and the heavy look on his face when he pulled back to look at you, but you weren’t sure why else he would be so upset now.

“Sunghoon.” You started to say and he tensed at the sound of his name at your regular volume, not used to you calling him anything other than his last name. He was raising a hand to cut you off and you paused.

“Think of that as my apology.” He was saying in a stern and emotionless tone, not looking at you anymore as he spoke.

You felt your stomach turn in a different way this time, heart aching for some reason at the fact he had completely dismissed what had just happened and was implying he’d only done it as a way to say sorry to you. You stood there and stared at him in disbelief, not bothering to mask your expression or how much he had just hurt your feelings.

“Why would you say that?” You forced out, voice weak and you felt embarrassed at how obviously affected you were. He glanced at you at the sound of your voice but then immediately was clenching his jaw and looking at the floor.

He was shaking his head for a second before turning to leave out the door, leaving you standing there alone and trying to bring yourself back to reality. You felt dizzy from the sudden switch of emotion from him and the crash back down from your shared high, feeling like you were very much in need of a hot shower.

——

“You did what?”

You were sat in Jungwon’s dorm, his roommate having went home for some family emergency and leaving it vacant other than your friend. You’d made your way over there as soon as you left the school, not bothering to call first or go to your own room.

He’d swung open the door at the sound of your heavy banging, face coated with worry when he saw it was you and you quickly blurted out what had happened. It wasn’t Jungwon’s voice that was exclaiming however and you sighed when you looked over his shoulder to see your other best friend sat on his bed, jaw dropped wide as he paused mid pizza bite.

You stared at the two of them for a second before bursting into tears, falling forward into Jungwon’s arms and hearing the soft sigh he let out as he pet your head softly.

He gently led you inside and closed the door behind you in case anybody was feeling nosy, sitting you on the bed beside Riki and pulling his desk chair up so he could be near the two of you. You laid your head on your youngest friends shoulder and sniffled softly with a large frown on your face, embarrassed and confused.

“You hooked up with Park Sunghoon?” Jungwon was saying it slowly, like he was making sure he heard you right and you nodded softly in confirmation. “In a broom closet..?”

“What does hooked up even mean?” Riki was asking from beside you and you groaned at the fact he was there, trusting him completely but you came to Jungwon for actual advice and you knew Riki wouldn’t take it serious enough to offer any. “Like you lost your virginity? Can you even do that in a closet?”

“I’m not giving you the details idiot.” You glared at him after picking your head up from his shoulder, shoving his arm and ignoring the complaining groan he let out. “But we kissed and then he got all weird and just ran out, he said it was just his way of apologizing.”

Both the boys went silent after that and Jungwon gave Riki a loaded stare, looking back at your face and then to the other boy again and cocking an eyebrow. Your frustration grew as you watched them silently communicate something you didn’t understand, throwing your hands up in upset until their attention was back on you.

“In words please.” You exclaimed loudly and Jungwon sighed softly before leaning forward so his elbows were on his knees.

“Is there any chance he could like you?” He was asking and you were thrown off by how serious he sounded, even more so considering what he was suggesting. Your face flushed and you quickly shook your head in denial, not understanding where he would be getting that from.

“If I kissed a girl that I liked, that I was supposed to hate because that’s like my whole thing, I’d probably run out of a closet too.” Riki was adding on from beside you like it was an obvious thing and common knowledge and you gave him a bewildered look. He shrugged softly and patted you on the back. “I’m just saying.”

“That’s ridiculous.” You were mumbling but their words made you have a weird feeling, thinking about how intensely Sunghoon had kissed you. He’d completely abandoned the idea of touching you just so he could focus on kissing you gently, far more intimate and romantic than you’d expected from him.

Still, it didn’t make any sense to you that he would have feelings towards you. He’d never been kind to you and you weren’t young immature kids, you didn’t consider teasing and making your day harder a form of flirting and you were sure Sunghoon thought similarly to you.

You left them alone to head back to your dorm after hanging in Jungwon’s for a few more hours, making them both pinky promise to not bring up Park Sunghoon or anything that had happened revolving him.

You were only halfway through the campus back to your room, the sun having set at some point during your hysterical rantings to your friends and you were relying on the street lights on either side of the sidewalk to guide you home, when your phone was ringing inside of your hoodie pocket. The vibration tingled against your stomach and you flushed for a second as you remembered the situation that had resulted from said phone before you were pulling it out.

The name on the screen made you stop in your slow pace, faltering to a stop before you were completely stood still and holding the device up to your ear.

“Hello?” Their was a sharp question in your voice, not expecting him to reach out at all let alone so soon after what had happened but there was nothing but static on the other side. “Sunghoon? Park? Are you there.. I don’t have time for this.”

“My cousins keeper… ever the busy woman.” The voice on the other side was slowly crackling through and your blood ran cold at the realization it wasn’t Sunghoon, the voice slightly less familiar but still recognizable to you considering your previous interaction had been replaying in your mind.

“Why do you have his phone?” You were spitting suddenly and your stomach turned with worry for some unknown reason.

You didn’t know if Heeseung was the type to actually hurt somebody, especially his own family member but you also didn’t necessarily have a lot of faith in him and his questionable morals.

He was sighing over the speaker and not speaking again for a few heavy breaths, seemingly weirdly reluctant to talk to you despite being the one to dial your number in the first place. At one point you were pulling the phone off your ear to look at it in confusion, almost thinking he had hung up with how silent it had gotten.

“I need somewhere to bring him for the night.” He was causing you to jump when he was suddenly talking again and your eyebrows furrowed despite him not being able to see you.

“What? What the hell are you talking about?” You were starting to speed walk back to your dorm now that you’d started to understand the situation, practically jogging through the buildings with your stomach twisting in panic and anxiety at the thought of Sunghoon being in so much trouble he couldn’t pick up the phone and call you himself.

The line was silent for a few seconds before you heard the sound of the call ending, pulling it off your ear again to glance at your screen quickly and letting out a screamed curse at the fact he had hung up.

You still didn’t slow down despite not understanding what was even happening, why you felt the overwhelming urge to return back to your dorm but as you rounded the final corner you understood what the strange feeling in your gut was. You faltered in your step when you saw the body slumped in front of your door, knowing who it was without having to get closer and confirm.

“Oh no, no no.” You repeated a soft mantra of upset as you darted over to Sunghoon, dropping to your knees once you were near him and your hands reached out to grab him before stopping.

You didn’t want to hurt him and he let out a small groan that indicated you would if you touched him, hands hovering over his body and looking around frankly in case his cousin was still lingering around somewhere.

You didn’t see any signs of anybody but you knew Sunghoon couldn’t have been laying there long and they could be just off in the distance, watching you to see what you would do with the boy laying on your welcome mat. Your frown was deep as you finally grabbed on to him, ignoring his mumbled complaints and attempts to swat you away.

It took you a long time to manage to drag him inside, almost contemplating calling your friends for help before realizing what a terrible idea dragging them into this would be.

Eventually, you had him inside on the floor and you hands came up to frantically run through your hair in panic. You weren’t sure what you were meant to do, scanning over his frame to try and determine if he was injured enough to go to the hospital but you couldn’t see the extent of the damage through his layers and you paused as you watched him.

“Park.” You were kneeling back down beside him on your floor and whispering softly, nudging his shoulder with your hand and letting out a sigh of relief when he made a small noise of complaint. “Okay good, at least you’re alive.”

“Are you disappointed?” He was suddenly forcing out and you jumped away from his body in shock, clutching your chest at the unexpected sound of his croaking voice.

His head turned slowly in your direction at the sound of your shocked scream and you took a few seconds to try and catch your breath before you were frowning and leaning forward to shove his arm softly. He let out a loud groan at the feeling of you scolding him but you ignored it and furrowed your eyebrows.

“You idiot, I thought you had a concussion or something.” You spat out at him and you thought you saw his lip curl up for a second in amusement.

“Don’t be so sure I don’t.” He retorted with a wince and you noted his slurred words, leaning in to try and see if you smell alcohol on him. “Trust me, if I was drunk it wouldn’t hurt this bad.”

“What the fuck happened to you Park?” You were mumbling, still leaning over him on your floor and scanning his face to make sure he wasn’t going to lose consciousness mid conversation. You’d definitely have to take him to the hospital if that was the case, still highly considering it judging by how out of it he sounded.

“Family stuff.” He was answering after a prolonged silence and your frown deepened at the confusing implications, reminding yourself to question him more thoroughly later on. “Did I worry you?”

“By showing up at my door like a corpse? Yeah slightly.” You scoffed as you answered him and his lips curled up more, border-lining on the first actual smile you’d seen from him.

“You weren’t home.” He said after a few beats and his voice suddenly went serious again, soft and almost whining at the fact you hadn’t been here when he first arrived. You figured he was only acting this way because he was out of it and not thinking clearly, his hand extending in your direction and twitching a few times being more proof behind that thought.

You stared at it before eventually giving in and taking it in yours gently, feeling the way he immediately squeezed them together in relief and your frown deepened as he looked at you again.

“You always look so sad around me.” He was continuing on and his eyes were going in all directions around your face, having trouble focusing on any specific part. His voice was weirdly saddened and your heart thumped uncomfortably at the fact he was lacking a filter currently. “Not anyone else, with them you’re smiling and laughing. Just around me.”

You didn’t answer him for a while, because you honestly weren’t sure how. You’d become accustomed to that sort of dynamic with him, assuming from the get go that he was no good and out to get you at all times. You hadn’t necessarily considered that your change of behavior with solely him would upset him at all, causing his lips to turn down in a frown.

You’d said before that you never found him particularly mean, just prone to causing unnecessary stress on you and disrupting your typically perfect schedule in a way that caused you to react before you thought.

“I’m not sad around you.” You were eventually saying softly and you found yourself meaning what you said, squeezing his hand and using your free one to push some of his hair out of his face. “You just confuse me.”

He looked like he wanted to say something but his mouth closed after a few seconds and he just gave a small nod, closing his eyes again. For a moment you thought he had fallen asleep before he was suddenly attempting to sit up, catching you by surprise.

You helped him maneuver his way over to your small dorm bed, taking off his shoes once he was laying down and trying not to think about how strange it was to see him in such a familiar space. Not to mention, the relaxed state he was in as he laid back against your pillows and breathed out a sigh of relief once he caught a hint of your scent.

It was hard not to laugh as you watched him, biting your lip to hold it in but occasionally offering him small chuckles when he kept glancing at you with a drunken look on his pretty face. It made your stomach turn to see the bruised adorning said face, his lip cracked and bleeding slightly and you could tell other areas were going to swell after a few more hours.

You wished he was conscious enough for you to ask him what had happened in more detail but you figured he wouldn’t answer you regardless.

His breathing slowly evened out after a few minutes of you trying to get him as comfortable as possible, bringing a cup of water and pain killers to your bedside for him to take as soon as he woke up. You watched him carefully after he finally dozed off and you considered laying on the floor for a moment before you sighed and climbed into bed beside him, figuring it was the least he could allow considering he had shown up on your doorstep so late after running out on you.

“Night Park.” You were mumbling it more to yourself, curling over on your side and trying to avoid touching him as much as possible, letting yourself drift off to sleep.

——

You woke up in a panic at the realization somebody was wrapped around you, completely forgetting your current situation.

You only calmed down when you heard him softly groan in protest, feeling his big hand that was currently thrown over your side, squeeze softly to try and remind you that it was just him in your bed.

Just Park Sunghoon in your bed… half asleep with his arm wrapped around your stomach only a few hours after you’d had an intense make out session in a broom closet. You laid back flat and held your breath as you considered getting out of bed to avoid his touch, stopping when you realized his breathing was quieter now and your abrupt wake up had also taken him out of his deep sleep.

“Sorry.” You mumbled, shifting uncomfortably at the feeling of his fingers flexing against your skin. Your shirt had ridden up in the night and he could feel your warm skin underneath his rough palm.

“It’s okay.” He was whispering back and you felt a bit dizzy at how close his voice was to you, his breath fanning across your neck. You waited for him to remove his hand now that he was more alert, but quickly realized he didn’t plan to when his thumb gently swiped over your hip bone. “I’m sorry too.”

You hadn’t expected to hear the words from him, not sure if he was talking about being dropped off here and interrupting your night or about what had happened in the classroom. You didn’t want to question him, hoping it applied to both and that he genuinely meant it.

He was taking a deep breath when you shifted carefully backwards, letting his chest hit your back and feeling your heart race when his hand was sliding forward to rest gently over your stomach. You were spooning now, far more intimate than you’d foreseen the two of you ever being but you wanted to somehow communicate your forgiveness to him without having to voice it.

“You remember anything?” You asked him carefully, not sure if it was too early to cross that line yet or if he was expecting it.

“Just you.” He whispered back and the words felt heavy, his chest vibrating against your back and your mouth downturned instinctively at the hidden meaning there.

You didn’t think it was completely morning yet, that weird time of the night where the room turned a soft shade of blue and you could hear the birds outside the small room starting to chirp and move around. You and Sunghoon laid in silence for a while but you could tell he hadn’t fallen back to sleep, his thumb still gently caressing your skin as he took deep painful breaths.

“Should we go to the hospital?” You were whispering after a while, voice soft against the silence and you hoped the inclusion of yourself in this scenario didn’t pass by him unnoticed.

“Not yet.” His voice was low and hoarse but it had more emotion than it normally did, sounding almost desperate, like he was asking your permission to stay here in this moment with you. “Let’s just stay here a little longer, just like this.”

His words were heavy again and you weren’t a stranger to the fact that you had a lot of talking to do, healing from the strange back and forth and multiple conversations that would definitely be somewhat uncomfortable. All this was weighing on you for a second after he said it, finding it more in your comfort zone to immediately tackle and issue and find a plausible solution.

You let this habit and anxiety fade away the best you could, understanding that there was time for that later and you didn’t need to pop the bubble you were currently in with him.

Right now, you could be nothing but two people laying together. You could turn off the words of your friends about his hidden feelings for you, set aside his injuries and your longing to understand what exactly had caused them. You didn’t need to be enemies or friends who didn’t communicate to each other properly, you didn’t need to be the person he left behind in the classroom and he didn’t need to wonder why you never looked carefree around him.

For now you could just lay here together and listen to the sound of his breathing, feel it brush against your neck almost in sync with his gentle touch.

For now you could just be.

N

[polaroidloving]

FAIR AND SQUARE › lhs

SYNOPSIS › one thing about life— it's unpredictable. for example, you made a note to yourself about not associating too much with heeseung for your own peace of mind, letting him stay as the academic rival slash classmate that he is, instead of allowing him to be something more, except one thing leads to another and you find yourself face to face with the said man with your feelings all over the place. a lowkey confession leading to a mere competition, let the game begin.

WORD COUNT › 20.2k

GENRE › academic rivals / friends to lovers, mutual pinning because they're just competitive and oblivious ft in denial, fem reader, quite the 'he fell first but she fell harder' thing eye guess . . .

WARNINGS › mentions drinking, sheds light on family issues ( mostly on the reader's side ) bruise and injury, slightest of angst, arguments, suggestive ( fourth section, towards the end ) profanities, let me know if you spot more

PLAYLIST › tune in for a better experience

NOTE › i love this fic with all my heart and lungs, even more. anyway, i'm sorry to academic rivals fans, this doesn't have academic blood and gore, as quoted by my dear mai. SPEAKING OF MAI EVERYONE THANK @maiverie FOR BETAREADING THIS FIC!!!!!! im not lying when i say i wouldn't have finished writing this yesterday if it wasn't for her, like thank u for ur super helpful review that got my brain juices flowing :< luv u fr. ALSO both heeseung and reader are taking post grad course so of course, they're aged up ( no ages specified ) have fun reading.

I. BANE OF EXISTENCE

one thing about life— it’s unpredictable. 

for example, you’re in the library writing and reading papers on the topic you love, the one that you’re supposed to enjoy and the one that will become the reason behind your earnings in the near future, but here you are, sitting with a headache and a cup of coffee on the side. who knew the subject you've liked since grade one will betray you and become the potential bane of your existence? not you, surely enough. wednesday noons are for basketball matches, which explains why the library and hallways are quieter and emptier than usual. even the teachers make time for the tournaments off their busy schedules, it’s understandable— your university is known for having one of the best sports teams in the league, and the basketball team being the defending champions does nothing but fuel the pride of students and staffs as if they’re the ones on the court, trying to get the ball in the basket.

you wouldn’t say you don’t like being a part of the crowd because you’ve been to the badminton tournaments and know that watching matches is as interesting as playing, if not more. you just don’t have the time to attend any. with assignments piling up and exams ‘round the corner, you’d rather spend your last two months of the semester studying instead of yelling at the bleachers. you can always get the recordings if you ever feel like watching one, as for the results, the word goes around faster in your department than anywhere else, all because of one of the students being on the team. 

you try focusing, you really do, but your cup is just as empty as your brain and your phone is going up with notifications. you don’t see the point of miyeon spamming the gc with updates on the match when everyone in the group, except you, is with her, watching and cheering alongside. muting is a choice which you choose not to do, and the reason is between you and god, to be honest. long story short, it’s the lack of motivation clogging your thought process and the realisation that your friends are out there enjoying themselves unlike you is blocking any means of logical thinking. a day or two spent not studying wouldn’t make you fail the classes, and even if the guilt is pooling inside, you pack your stuff and walk out of the library, making your way to the indoor basketball court. 

the screams grow louder as you approach, each step reminding you that you still can go back as you choose to ignore it. exams can wait, you tell yourself, a day to myself can’t. your mother would tell you to take breaks and go out instead of studying all day, but being on top is an addiction. it’s no good, you wish other students would believe you, it’s a struggle, on the top, at the bottom, everywhere. you expect to turn a few heads as soon as you walk inside, which doesn’t happen, but you expected it. you don’t watch matches, this could easily be your third or fourth one, and the first basketball match, to be more specific. once you realise that everyone is busy watching the plays instead of noticing who comes and goes from the court, you make your way up to the one friend you manage to spot amidst the crowd— sung hanbin. indoor bleachers feel more compact than the outdoor ones. you've been to the football match last semester, courtesy of miyeon, and everything being outdoors really helps with the crowd and noise. 

“didn’t expect to see you here,” hanbin stands next to you, offering you a sip or two from his drink, which you politely refuse, eyes fixed on the court as if it was the home they’ve been searching for. “i thought you hate heeseung,” it isn’t until he takes his name that your gaze averts to heeseung. you don’t even know why hanbin would outright assume you’re here for heeseung. in fact, that man’s name didn’t even cross your mind until he was mentioned.

“hate is a big word, ‘bin,” your words are more of a whisper laced with hesitation, as if you aren’t sure of what you’re saying. hate, actually, is a very big and heavy word. despite its constant usage with your friends, you realise the weight it holds and the impact it has. hate and dislike— they’re different and yet similar enough to be used synonymously at times. not by you, of course, you have a clear distinction between the two, and as of now, you don’t know if what you feel for heeseung is a mere dislike or pure hatred. “i just don’t like him,” 

when he successfully shoots a three-pointer, you come to the decision that you definitely don’t hate him. heeseung is, more or less, the typical all-rounder straight-A student, the jack of all trades and fortunately enough, the master of all as well. he's the student teachers use as an example, the son parents wish for, the boyfriend people wished they had. lee heeseung is many things, and one of those is being the reason why you have the second highest score in your department instead of the first position, unlike how it used to be two semesters ago. 

heeseung transferred departments about thirty weeks ago, from chemistry to bioinformatics. it had been surprising on your side because not many opted for bioinformatics until they were certain of their goal. the course in itself is vast, like an ocean of several different fields and each and every one of them opens a door to a different outcome. bioinformatics isn’t something students picked overnight just because it had the vacancy and they didn’t like their initially chosen courses. as fun as the subject sounds, it demands consistency and time, something that heeseung lacks. you had seen him attend classes the first few weeks regularly, and then the ghost of him started sitting on the empty seat that belongs to him. skipping classes, arriving late, delayed submission of a couple of projects— you knew he wasn’t here to stay. it was to pass time, or whatever, you couldn’t care, didn’t care, not until he started acing the tests, practically dethroning you from your infamous ‘perfect all kill’ title that you had for getting nothing less than a perfect score, most of the time, give and take a few here and there. 

you still get good scores, amazing even, full score in theory and the same in practicals. it’s going well in lab manuals and project works but heeseung seems to get a perfect score in those too, something you started missing ever since he came into the picture. perhaps, it was something in the way he phrased his essays— you hoped it was. rumour has it that heeseung used to be a literature student, which could explain his outstanding english skills and his eloquent way of speaking. you even looked up his debate videos on youtube only to find more evidence on how skilled he is in public speaking. 

but above all, heeseung is, actually, just a really damn annoying student, quite literally the bane of your existence. he’s always set on stealing people’s spotlight during lessons, with you being the people, obviously, always answering questions with information that’s unrelated and probably even unnecessary. and for the shortest time, you even considered taking him off your ‘things i hate’ list because you were no different in highschool. when you’re the top student, it becomes a habit to talk about things as if you know them in your bones and impress teachers. hell, you even had rivals in highschool, although none of them got on your nerves the way heeseung does. basically, he has no reason to call you by weird names everytime you both pass each other in the hallways, or remind you that he’s the top student. ‘this is the vice-captain of the basketball team and the best student of the biotechnology department, lee heeseung, informing you on the up—’ seriously, no one wants to hear him introduce himself like that when you’re around. you’re pretty sure it’s engraved inside your brain with the amount of times he repeats it everyday. minjeong even says that heeseung is becoming more and more like sunghoon, and you would not know how or why because you didn’t attend highschool with sunghoon, unlike her. 

the court flares up with cheers when heeseung goes for a dunk which ultimately leads to their team winning the match, and you reach the conclusion that maybe you don’t hate heeseung but actually want to bang his head against the walls. your eyes follow him around the court, analysing his conduct during the match, the way he communicates so effortlessly with teammates using hand signs or quick phrases, the way he holds the team together when the ball is with him, despite not being the captain. heeseung might be the most unbearable person you’ve met so far, he’s actually just fine when his target is not you. you’re sure any other player is doing just as good but nothing comes close to how you see heeseung. it’s different, the light he is in, it’s unique, incredible, and inexplicably addictive. heeseung juggles between classes and basketball, you remember sunghoon talking about his part-time job when you passed by their lockers the other day. he doesn’t have it easy, you don’t either, but you had those all perfect kills by spending hours in your study while heeseung does better than you while winning matches, making money. 

it doesn’t take you long to realise that what you have for him could be dislike with a hint of jealousy, and you wonder if all the people would react the same way once they know who heeseung really is— a devil behind an angelic face, one who deliberately likes ruining things for you, as if his life depends on it. you still remember the day he personally texted you the wrong syllabus for a test, claiming that it had been updated and the professor had asked him to notify everyone. ‘and as you know, i have not been added in the group chat yet so i’m texting everyone personally,’ he had lied ever so smoothly as if his words consist of nothing but truth, as if lies are something he hasn’t even heard of. kudos to you for studying the original and correct syllabi beforehand, you still aced the test, if heeseung scoring the first rank is overlooked. 

you’re dragged back from your thoughts to the reality when a boy bumps into you while hurrying down to the players, hoping to get noticed. half of the students act like the team is actually a boy-band, you can see them on the front page of every single edition of university magazine. usually, you prefer waiting for the crowd to disperse before taking your leave from wherever you are, but a sudden reminder about the tests over text from your professor gives you a reason to leave early, all to make sure you could catch up to heeseung. you rush your way out of the bleachers once the teams start leaving the court, eyes fixed on heeseung to take a note of the direction he leaves. hanbin gives you a confused look before the words find their way out of his mouth. “where are you going?” 

“basketball shower room,” and your words could give him, and the other people who might’ve heard you, a wrong idea but you couldn’t care less. the goal was to see heeseung before he leaves the campus, which was highly likely because no one has it in them to attend four hours of classes after an exhausting match, not even heeseung, no matter how amazing he is. 

you make your way through the ocean of people, bumping into a few in the process as you make your way to the club room. a silent profanity leaves your mouth once you realise that the club room entrance might be filled with fangirls and boys, left and right, and the thought of shuffling your way out of the crowd to meet heeseung makes you reconsider your actions. heeseung might be a star student but isn’t amazing enough for you to step out of your comfort zone and do things to see him. 

“well, this is surprising,” your voice manages to turn his head towards the door. “thought you’d be busy with your fangirls, lee,” and it is surprising indeed because the hallways are unexpectedly empty with only a few people around. you would say they learnt to give the players their space after a game but that would be a lie considering the embarrassing history of students when it comes to people on the sports team. 

“they’re probably busy with jake,” heeseung responds with a smile, and even though he turns to his locker just as quickly, you could see the smile dancing on the corner of his lips. 

jake is rather a new player, a junior to be specific, and jay personally spent days waiting outside the physics department to get the guy on the basketball team. explains why he’s popular amidst students, he’s talented, good at studies— seriously, you wouldn’t understand how these people manage academics with sports. you couldn’t, and even if you managed to, you would end up passing out every few days. “does it suck to lose your fan-following to a newbie?” 

“not really. i still have you here,” heeseung wouldn’t call it ‘losing’ his fan-following because he’s using jake as bait to escape the crowd of students as quickly as possible. a junior has to make sacrifices, in this case it’s to save heeseung by sacrificing himself to the public. although, saying that he still has you looking for him even though a hundred others aren’t makes him feel better about himself. “no but seriously, what did you come here for?” 

“oh, it’s for the test on friday,” you pull out your phone, opening the group chat with the professor and the students who took the same course. it’s laughable how the universe put you in the exact same situation twice, although with the tables turned this time, and it takes everything in you to not tell him a made-up, wrong syllabi, and do what is rational. “the syllabi was extended up to chapter fourteen, till page three-ninety-seven. they sent it in the group chat this morning but i’m sure you hardly have time even to think about something else except basketball,” 

you’ve known heeseung for two semesters but that’s for the people to say. the truth is, you don’t know him outside what he shows to everyone else. you see him come and go, spot him around the bar with his friends on weekends you pass by it. you know he skips classes and asks students for notes. it’s not necessarily from you, though you’d prefer if he would ask you since you’re the best student in the whole department, after him, as much as you hate to admit it. on some days, you see him in the library, earphones plugged in. if you manage to sneak a glance or two, you’d catch him watching the match recordings and taking notes, you wouldn’t know what notes someone could take from matches. in short, you don’t know heeseung more than how everyone knows him. coming to the shower rooms and notifying him about the test might just be a discreet attempt at striking up more conversations with him, but also, you’re just fine with him being the academic rival slash classmate that he is. 

“yeah, semi-finals,” heeseung shuts his locker close, a sigh falling off his lips just like the water drops falling on his shoulder from the tips of his hair, after a shower. “doesn’t help that they’re at the same time as the quarterly assessments. thank you for telling me even though it means you’ll end up losing the first position to me once again,” and of course, the heeseung you know wouldn’t waste an opportunity to strike up a competition. it would be a lie if you claim to hate it because despite the sour look on your face, a part of you loves these little academic races with him. heeseung makes you strive to do better, he’s like the driving force you lacked which made college a whole lot better. after all, where’s the fun in getting a perfect score with the bare minimum effort, without some challenges knocking at your door? 

“what can i do, i’m all about fair play,” there’s a subtle shade behind your words, reckoning to the multiple incidents of him ruining things for you. this could take a really nasty turn if you were to resort to his ways, except you won’t because you’re better than him. “good luck, and we’ll see who loses the first position to whom,” 

heeseung wipes his hair before switching to texting on his phone, the smile still adorning his face like a jewel. you assume it’s the delight from winning a match, it’s obvious. his eyes couldn’t help but sparkle at every little achievement, always looking forward to something more, something challenging, that’s lee heeseung for you— someone who knows he has an easier way around things but would deliberately walk down another path and test his limits. shocking how it took you one basketball match to see the passion he has for things he’s interested in, that he’s more than a sport jock or a straight nerd, he’s more than someone who takes courses to pass time, more than someone who is just a show-off.

“heeseung,” the dislike, the hatred, the envy, it might all be a lie. “well played today,” because in the end, there’s a minimal possibility that you’re leaving the room with nothing but the slightest of admiration for the guy who is nothing but an obstacle between you and that first position in upcoming finals in two months. 

and it would be a lie too to claim that your words didn’t catch heeseung by surprise.

II. RIVALRY, FEELINGS, ETCETERA. 

it has been a little over one day since heeseung’s conversation with you outside the shower rooms, twenty-seven hours to be exact. twenty-seven hours of him hearing the same last words over and over again, twenty-seven hours of him failing all and any attempts at straight thinking and twenty-seven hours of him not thinking about anything except you. all of it ends up in three hours of practice and not one good shot from heeseung. the sighs and snickers from teammates fill the court every few seconds— truthfully, they never leave. heeseung is simply too lost to pay attention to them. 

“heeseung, you good?” a pat on shoulder from jake and the words following soon after manage to pull him out of his spiral of thought, even if it’s for a brief second. 

“he’s not, won’t be anytime soon,” sunghoon replies as if the answer was on the tip of his tongue, waiting to be revealed. “yn came to watch the last match, after all,” there’s a smirk on sunghoon’s face, heeseung can tell it in the intonation of his words. 

jay pauses just seconds before going for a layup, joining the conversation. “wait, she did?” 

“yep, saw her standing next to that hanbin guy or something,” 

“mate, you cannot be acting like this over a girl and that too, four days before finals,” this conversation, as a whole, is beyond jake’s comprehension. a part of the reason could be because he joined the team late, thus missing out on a huge chunk of internal jokes and gossip and goes amidst the players. and no amount of reasons can convince him into thinking that it’s fine to act out-of-character before important matches just because your crush showed up at one of your matches. 

“she’s not just some random girl. she never attends matches, but she came to watch my match,” heeseung clarifies as if the reasons behind his antics are valid and acceptable. “you wouldn’t know how i feel right now,” 

“you’re on cloud nine, we know, your crush gave you the attention you’ve been lacking but trust me, she would ignore you just as efficiently if she sees you perform like this,” 

“she’s not a crush,” and despite it being a well known fact amongst the basketball team that heeseung has a thing or two for you, he always refuses to accept it. one can say it’s the pride thing. you barely even talk to him unless it’s about studies, and your conversations are mostly along the lines of who outdoes whom in tests and assessments. moreover, everyone knows heeseung is the reason why you’re the second best student in the department— as much as you hate to admit it, again— because he transferred and flipped your world, probably even dribbled around with it like a basketball. a word goes around every few days about you glaring at him in class, which is not true, you’re instead focusing your eyes on something in an attempt to think. he just happens to sit right in front of you and be the object of focus. heeseung might as well believe that you hate him, even though yesterday’s conversation was far from how people talk when they hate each other, and his assumptions could account for the constant words of denial that fall off his lips. 

jay snickers before landing a hook successfully. “yeah, and i’m a pigeon,” 

“oh, shut it, jay,” heeseung turns to look at the other boy. “she’s just someone i admire. have you read her essays? her papers? god, we’re a year away from graduation but she’s already writing mind-blowing papers, one of them was even published in the monthly issue of some magazine. she’s already on her best performance and still tries to do better, always down to guide juniors with lab work and also is on the research team for the paediatrics department at asan medical centre. all this, and she studies all day. if i were her, i’d pass out. i can’t go a day without entering the court,” 

“and he says he doesn’t have a crush oh her,” sunghoon rolls his eyes, it’s like if he heard another line of excuses from heeseung, he could see the back of his skull and have a look at hs big, fat brain. 

“because i don’t? you guys never had someone you admired so much that they practically became your role model despite being in the same year?” unlike other things that heeseung does, calling you his role model has a reason. first, it can give him a reason to talk to you. heeseung is almost convinced that you hate him, and if this persists, it would get harder and harder for him to approach you, but with the lie— half lie— of you being his role model and so wonderful that he couldn’t help but admire you from afar while trying to overcome his social anxiety gives him a reason to talk to you. plus, it sounds plausible, he doesn’t understand why his brother says it’s bound to fail. 

the second reason and more to do with his friend group. no one in his friend circle is capable of keeping a secret— jay ends up spilling tea unconsciously, jake tells one person who he trust and that person turns out to be the most untrustworthy person ever, beomgyu, well he’s on the team but telling him would be like standing on a stage and announcing to the whole campus, and sunghoon, he’s the mother, he cannot digest food without disclosing secrets. even if it’s common knowledge that heeseung has a tiny crush on you, denying it in front of the whole campus everytime one of them brings it up helps him with his reputation and fortunately, ends up keeping it a secret. besides, he’d rather have people tease him for calling you his role model than having a crush on you. 

“i surely don’t have someone i admire to the point i read all their papers and know each and everything they’ve volunteered for,” jay argues back, set on proving his point. “tell me what am i gonna do knowing that she’s on the paediatrics research team?” 

“i think this is the most i’ve known about yn ever since classes started and that too, because of heeseung,” beomgyu chuckles, earning a side eye from heeseung in the process. 

“enough, let’s get back to practice,” heeseung intervenes in an attempt to change the topic. he does not want his closest friends making fun of him for liking someone— it’s supposed to be human nature to have a crush. 

“you get back to practice because you’re the only one fucking up because of your silly little crush. i’m done, jay, call me when we’re having a practice match because i need to attend theology or my professor would write me up,” taehyun passes the ball to sunghoon, the latter yelping in surprise at the sudden yet successful catch. 

“i don’t have a crush—”

“of course, let’s get you back to practice,” jake cuts heeseung off mid sentence, moving back to take his position as sunghoon passes the ball to heeseung, who, as expected, misses the catch due to lack of concentration.

it’s going to be a long day for the team. 

. 

. 

.

“a little birdie told me you went to see heeseung in the shower rooms?” are the words you hear as soon as your classes are dismissed, miyeon walking up to you and hanbin discussing the set of questions your professor distributed just a few minutes ago. 

“i didn’t go into the shower rooms, i was outside, near the lockers,” and there’s a difference. to be in the shower room implies you were there in the shower, which definitely gives rise to several wrong ideas of different levels. specifically, you didn’t even enter the locker room. you were outside, leaning against the door, watching heeseung as he walked freshly out of the shower, a towel around his neck, you both strike up a small talk. yeah, that was the scene, not with you in the shower and whatever miyeon’s imagination leads to after that. 

“so you did go!” she claps her hands together as if it’s a celebratory occasion, turning her head to look at the boy next to you. “what were you saying about yn not having a crush, habin?”

“it’s not a crush, miyeon,” and it’s true— heeseung is not a crush. he’s a classmate, a rival, an over-qualified and impossibly competitive student, someone you would want to take your time to study. “what, i can’t even go to tell a classmate about the updated syllabus for a test now? i would’ve done that for anyone, not just heeseung,” 

hanbin sighs, packing his bag. “sure, but he’s in the groupchat. he could’ve checked it himself,” 

“um, i doubt that,” you’re preparing a powerpoint in your head, multiple slides on why you needed to do what you did. “he’s busy with basketball and i know how he gets when the matches are around the corner. don’t you remember how he skipped two weeks of classes straight because of matches last semester? and it’s the finals this time, i don’t think he even opens texts about anything that’s not basketball. i mean, he responded to my messages six days later because he was busy with practice,” 

you say it like you’ve known heeseung for a decade and have been through the ups and downs with him. you wouldn’t care about who does what in the classes, if it’s a paper plane flying right over you, landing just second to the first row of seats or if it’s someone being brave enough and playing music during lectures. biology, in your opinion, is a subject for those who are serious about doing something unique while staying in the academic field. you don’t encounter troublemakers often, once a blue moon if the heavens make a mistake. on other days, it’s quieter than a library, emptier than cemeteries at night. 

to think your life as a biotechnology major got interesting after heeseung switched majors is astonishing and equally debatable. 

“i don’t see why i should remember all that about ‘just a classmate’ but thanks for telling,” and before you know it, hanbin and miyeon are out of the class, on their way to wherever their next stop is. seriously, they’re having it easier than you. they go to games, movies, drink on weekends— something you haven’t had a taste on ever since the year started. somewhere, you could be blamed for your hectic schedules. studies, lab work, and thesis, they suffice for all the stress a student in post graduation studies can handle. volunteering and writing papers is on you, things wouldn’t have been arduous if you had decided to move slowly, one step at a time. sometimes, the hunger for more leaves you starving— quite literally. 

you spend an hour or so in the classroom along with a few other students, going through the same old routine of yours— watch videos, take notes, transfer them to your document in your own words and make it sound as innovative and convincing as possible. heeseung would be better at this than you. you’re exhausted to the point that accepting your defeat to him doesn’t even faze you anymore. he used to be a literature student, had english as a side course as an undergrad, he’s bound to be better than making essays sound they came right out of shakespeare's drafts, phrases and metaphors that would put fitzgerald to shame. 

you didn’t care about what went down in your classes until heeseung came along. call it craziness or the weird impression you have of students in your field, heeseung is far from the typical biotechnology student aiming for a postgraduate degree. he skips classes, plays basketball as if studies are a side business, and yet still manages to ace every test like an all-rounder. he shouldn’t even be in classroom, he should be in the labs, being the most important subject of studies. there are days you think of him as a social experiment— how quickly can a robot piss off a straight-A student with its impeccable skills— of course, the subjects wouldn’t know it’s a robot but you do, you’re almost convinced he is one. there’s no way he’s the top student with the amount of effort he puts in. one would claim that he studies after classes, at home slash dorms, but you can bet your life he doesn’t. there have been numerous instances when you’ve spotted him in the background of someone’s picture at a bar. he’s always with people, he has a humongous friend group, god knows how someone can live like that. at first, you were convinced he isn’t real, as worrisome as it sounds, and if he is real then he needs to be studied. 

which leads to what you’re doing right now— making your way to the basketball court. you don’t know how or why you’re doing it. you started with your studies, ended up thinking about heeseung, and now you’re on your way to the basketball court. although, it’s not half a bad idea, now that you think about it once again. 

your mind goes all the way back to when you watched him play for the first time, which was just a day ago actually. you don’t know anything about basketball, you don’t know much about heeseung either, but there’s one thing you’re sure of— heeseung is class and heeseung on the court, they’re different. you’ve noticed the way he clicks his pen relentlessly out of nervousness when he can’t solve a question, the way his back tenses up for a fraction of a second as soon as he’s asked to explain something. you’ve seen the hints of fear in his eyes when he asked you for notes last semester just three days before exams, scared that he would fail. heeseung isn’t sure of a lot of things and basketball isn’t one of those. 

“you’re not practising?” you ask him when you swim out of your thoughts, watching him climb up the bleachers and sit next to you. the court seems much better when it’s empty, free from the loud cheers of spectators, but that could be just you. 

“i was, as you see, but i saw you up here and thought it was time for a break,” you could see his teammates shake heads at him in disappointment, proceeding to continue with their practice. “what’s up?” 

you don’t respond to him and instead, take your time watching the others practise their shots. you watch the way one of them, who you think is taehyun, goes for a dunk, credits to hanbin for telling you names for a few shots. next to you, heeseung shouts out a tip or two for the boy for him to have an easier and effective approach at the said move. heeseung is good at dunks, you’ve heard it from students, you’ve seen it in the last match as well. just one shot was enough to tell you how good he is at it, it’s like basketball flows in his veins, like he can close his eyes and still manage to get a basket. 

your eyes ghost up the court and shift to him— there’s a content smile on his face, a relaxed posture as if there’s nothing for him to worry about. he takes a sip from his energy drink, you wonder if he, or anyone from the team, even gets time to have their meals. the expression on his face, it’s something you’ve never seen on him during lessons. it takes you back to the match, how he looked on court a day before, certain of every move he made, every step, every breath, without doubts, no second thoughts. you’ve done enough lab projects with heeseung to know how his hands shake when he’s preparing a slide or extracting a sample from a centrifuge, afraid that one wrong move and he would mess up the efforts of everyone in the group. that hesitation is nowhere to be seen on the court, gone like it has never existed. as if lee heeseung, the star student and player, has never had an encounter with nervousness and hesitation in his life. there’s a thin line between studies and sport for him, you finally realise it after much consideration. maybe, you’re going beyond your boundaries and making assumptions about a guy you barely know, even if you would never voice all these thoughts to him, you think you know the reason why there’s a different him on the stage when the ball is in hands.  

“how did you realise that you like basketball? you know, like it enough to devote so much of your time and have it alongside studies?” because even if biotech is something he’s studying and wants to make a career in, you guess that it’s just a source of satisfaction. in your eyes, through your perception, basketball is what makes him truly happy. 

you don’t know why someone wouldn’t pick satisfaction over happiness, especially when it’s coming with its hands full of opportunities to grab that bag.

“eh, i don’t have a sob story about it, if that is what you’re hoping for,” he chugs down the contents of the can before crushing it to the slightest, eyes squinting at the opposite wall before they move back to meet yours. “i never had to sit and think about basketball and studies, you know, as in how am i going to manage both of them. it just happened. i started playing basketball in middle school and it has been with me ever since,” 

heeseung’s side of the story is simple— a mediocre guy who was introduced to sports by his older brother and now, it’s one of the most important things in his life. middle school heeseung preferred staying in and playing video games instead of going out. in fact, middle school heeseung resembles you in all the ways that make him different from you right now. he has been good at learning and remembering things, he takes liking to things quicker than others do. basketball was like for him— easy, quick, fun, like a way to release all the stress after a long day at school. in heeseung’s story, there isn’t a main character who helped him choose the path he’s walking right now. instead, all he had was his family who introduced him to the various aspects and opportunities, and he simply ended up joining hands with the ones he liked, deciding to not let it go before the dead end. 

“i want to have that passion for things,” a soft laughter falls off your lips, it’s an attempt to make your sob story look less pitiful. “i used to paint and play piano— but painting, mostly, was really good at it. i learnt how to draw before i learnt how to tie my shoelaces. i couldn’t go a day without painting, but then highschool happened, i had pressure to do well, expectations from friends and family, had a dream outside painting, and now, i haven’t painted in years,” 

unlike heeseung, art started as more than just a side business to you. it’s not something you were introduced to in the middle of your life but rather is something you grew up with. you can blame or credit your mother for making paintings and having them in almost every corner of your house. it’s one of the reasons why at five years old you were beyond fascinated at all the patterns and colours. no one would’ve guessed that science would manage to sweep you off your feet right from the first grade, given the way your hands danced a duet to their own melody along with a paintbrush, as if each stroke has a conscious life of its own. no one would’ve guessed that your mother would tell you to stop painting and focus on studies, neither would they have known that she would become the reason why you no longer feel the same way about art. as stated before, life is unpredictable— because no one would’ve guessed that sitting here on the bleachers with heeseung and sharing a piece of your life would water the seeds of doubts in your heart, the ones that bloom at the sight of him.

he thinks your story is sad— with all due respect, without sarcasm, of course. it’s the best he can say. “i think it’s more of a ‘connection’ thing. you think you’ve lost the connection but you simply need to pickup a canvas and some colours to relink, if you get me,” because heeseung has had somewhat of a same experience, with music, and sitting front of a piano to play one of sibelius’ symphonies after senior year highschool finals was all it took him to find his lost interest in music. even though it’s nothing more than just a hobby, even if it's just something he considers as a way to pass time, heeseung knows how it feels to let go of something that is an integral part of one’s life. 

“it has always been about timing, heeseung,” you shake your head, trying to prove him wrong using your own arguments. “you think i haven’t tried painting again? i still have art supplies stacked up in my cupboard. it’s all about timing. when you like something, you only get a few chances to make sure it stays with you for a lifetime. how many people do you know who have given up on their hobbies because they claim to have lost interest? the thing is, the interest is still there, it’s the inability and fear of not being able to do it again. if you timing is off, no matter how much you try, things won’t work, and what you love will end up becoming a closed chapter of your life,” 

a pause. he sits still, eyes admiring your face while his mind is busy replaying your words in the back of his head. heeseung wonders how valid they are when it comes to people. he likes you, despite the constant denial which is only for show, by the way. it doesn’t take a scientist to read him. reading him isn’t even close to rocket science, he doesn’t understand how you haven’t caught up even after being incredibly smart. he has seen you hang out with hanbin— heeseung hates that guy, by the way. there’s no solid logic, it’s just that hanbin seems to be around you all the time and heeseung thinks of him as a leech sucking blood off its host. heeseung would never admit but it’s just his jealousy playing tricks on him, and even though it doesn’t look like you have any romantic feelings towards that guy, it would be fucking embarrassing for heeseung lose you to a guy who isn’t even half as qualified as him. ( yes, he is judging characters based on academic qualifications, no heeseung wouldn’t explain why )

“i like you,” and so, he lets his feelings win for once, deciding to let his heart take control instead, closing doors to any room for rational thinking like it never existed. “you said it was about timing, about trying hard enough and having only a few chances, perhaps, just one bullet, and i’m shooting my shot right now. i don’t want to remember you as a closed chapter of my life,” 

it would be such a waste of chemistry if you end up becoming just a closed chapter of his life. heeseung has done his research, more like reading tons of books and watching hundreds of movies to understand the potential that two academic rivals have. no one knows this, not even his closest friends, but heeseung’s favourite genre might simply be enemies to lovers and living that trope doesn’t sound as bad when it’s with you. he has spent hours thinking about the number of productive library dates you could have, working on projects together and brainstorming about the next biggest revolution in the RDT world, changing the public’s outlook at genetics forever. it sounds stupid and makes him sound even stupider, even as a lost cause, but heeseung doesn’t care. in his mind, it’s the best date someone could have. to live and become successful together, it sounds like a perfect plan to him.   

truthfully, you have always been a part of heeseung’s future, near or distant. he always always pictures you in his life, standing next to him during graduation, bidding goodbyes at farewell, exchanging shy greetings at reunions ten years later while reminiscing about everything he did to irritate you, that would sound embarrassing a decade later. your presence will always be significant to him, he just hopes to remember you as something more than just a rival, just a classmate he never really got to know, just a person he spent his two years hating upon, just a crush he didn’t get to confess to. 

the catch— heeseung has already started picturing his future and you are not even sure of your present— and while he is looking at you for an answer, you’re lost inside your head, looking for words to articulate. 

heeseung is someone you planned to stay away from for the rest of your university life. him stepping into your life already costs you a lot, namely: dropping in ranks and losing your infamous title. his actions cost you the time you could use to study, which is actually upon you because you can simply ignore him instead of spending hours on thinking about his hows, whens and whats. heeseung was supposed to be the academic rival slash classmate that he is, instead of allowing him to be something more, but beyond rivalry, feelings, etcetera. you knew the way you felt about him, even though you couldn’t be as certain as him, or even to claim you see him the same way he feels about you.

turns out, heeseung has always been sure of certain things in his life. 

“heeseung, i’m—”

“not sure? busy? stressed? i know you have a lot of things going on right now. take your time, study for the finals, finish your papers, sort out your own issues and then come back to me. i’ll be waiting,” it’s like he’s not only good at studying but also at reading minds, because heeseung seems to have guessed a part of exactly what you’ve been thinking. call it timing, jay calls him to get back to practice just a few seconds later— a perfect excuse to leave. “looks like my break is over,” 

you sit speechless, watching him walk away like an opportunity that just walked out of your hand. it feels like a slight defeat, like a test you failed when you could've scored better, if not a full score. it's funny because this wasn't a competition, you weren't rejected, more like you rejected him, but it still feels like he has the upper hand. it's funny and equally annoying because heeseung is supposed to be nothing more than just a nobody, somebody you aren't even supposed to spare two thoughts on, but here you are sitting with the guy with your feelings all over the place. 

“heeseung,” you stand up, your voice making him turn to look at you, both of you ignoring the sight of his teammates standing motionless in their positions, too stunned at your voice reverberating in the almost empty court. “let’s do this: if you manage to stand first in the finals, i’ll date you,”

a lowkey confession leading to a mere competition. his lips morph into a smirk, the ones he'd pass you before tests, an open challenge offered directly to you. “and if i don’t?”

and you mirror the same smirk back at him, you weren't going to back off simply because it's about the person you possibly have a crush on. “i become just a closed chapter of your life,” 

let the game begin. 

III. LIAR AND THE LOVER

despite heeseung’s sudden confession, you’re doing quite well, taking it better than expected. you had your moment of confusion back when the words of proposal fell off his lips— anyone would. after all, it’s lee heeseung we’re talking about. you can only imagine the saddened faces of his fangirls once they hear about him confessing to you.  

“jay told me you made a bet with heeseung?” hanbin’s question catches your attention as soon as he steps into the cafe, managing to turn a few heads towards you in the process. 

“you know jay?” 

he sits next to you, pulling out his laptop in a hurry. you can guess it’s because of his essay that’s due before six in the evening, one he could’ve written last night instead of getting wasted at his friend’s birthday gathering. “we share history, also, that’s not the answer to my question,” 

“it’s not a bet, ‘bin,” your words aren’t half wrong. “just a silly game, y’know? i didn’t even expect him to agree,” frankly, even you don’t know why or how you came up with such a bizarre idea in broad daylight. usually, people get bouts of excitement or embarrassment while confessing or being confessed to, but in your case, you jumped over the fence and made a proposal that you have only seen in fiction. 

“nah, no way you’re setting up your whole love life for failure and calling it a silly game,” the disappointment is evident in hanbin’s voice as his fingers danced over his keyboard, typing with a speed that could leave the trains behind. well, people tend to get like that when you have an assignment due and the deadline is just a few hours to go. you guess that he’s too busy to even listen to your reasoning, which is appreciated considering you have no reasoning as for why you did what you did. 

“you made a bet with heeseung,” you turn your head around, making the boy next to you do the same in the process. it’s miyeon— you should’ve seen it coming, honestly. your actions have consequences, as always, and one of them is dealing with her non-stop interrogation as if you’re the prime suspect for some gruesome crime and every question answered wrong opens gates to capital punishment. sometimes, you wonder why she didn’t go with studying law instead. 

“how do you know?”

“everyone knows, yn. it’s all they’ve been talking about,” she sighs, sitting opposite to you while taking a look at hanbin’s laptop. “even the football fanatics are talking about attending the game, god, hanbin we better hurry that day or we’re not getting a seat,” you should’ve seen it coming, honestly. miyeon might not be the most social person, but she definitely is the most updated. nothing escapes her, every tiny incident reaches her ears one way or another, and if not, then she just finds out about it using her sources, given you don’t know about her sources. it’s one of the reasons why you’re almost convinced that she runs a shady side business alongside her career in bioengineering. 

you take a sharp breath, going through the bunch of papers arranged in your file. “it’s not that serious. he confessed to me and i said i’d date him if he manages to secure the first position in the finals as well,” 

“you did that knowing he hasn’t been studying because of games while you’re studying like your life depends on it? there’s no way he’s going to be first, and everything aside, it was a wrong fucking move to play with his feelings,” play with his feelings— a pause, you don’t like how it sounds. you’re not playing with his feelings, that’s far from what you’re doing. it’s a game, a competition, new to your friends but you and heeseung have always been familiar with it. there’s an unspoken rule to test each other’s limits. the last time you and heeseung did something like this, it resulted with you writing ‘lee heeseung is smarter than ln yn,’ in bold on a sheet of paper and putting it on the notice board for the whole campus to see. in your eyes, it's history repeating itself yet again. sure, there is something else at stake, but the rules are the same, and you don’t know why your friends are acting like you’ve done something terribly unethical. 

“no one’s playing with his feelings, miyeon, and i know for a fact he’s making time to study for finals,” you clarify your side, slight annoyance evident in your voice. “besides, it doesn’t matter. it’s not like this is serious, i only did this to buy time to figure out my feelings while the game gives me a reason to study and not get distracted. you know how i get when i lose focus,” 

that could be the reasoning behind your actions, of course. even while sitting in a cafe with your friends and having a conversation that is about to make your blood boil, you’re thinking of heeseung in the back of your head. his words play over and over again like a broken record player, the image of him on court or studying pops up in your mind every now and then. obsession is a disease and you have it bad. it’s crazy to be thinking about someone so much without being absolutely floored for them. 

“so you’ll date him despite the outcome?” hanbin drags you out of the well of your thoughts, a question that leaves miyeon flabbergasted. 

“if i manage to figure out my feelings then of course,” a chuckle falls off your lips. “i’m telling you guys, it’s not that serious. i’m sure he knows it too,” and you’re really confident about this— it usually never ends on a good note. 

“and if he doesn’t? what if it’s serious for him? yn, you never know how one thing might affect someone, and feelings are not something to gamble on. you should’ve told him you need some time to think instead of giving him a false hope or whatsoever,” it’s now that you start having second thoughts. the next two hours go by amidst silence, a few small talks blooming here and there, but dissolving just as quickly within the ticking clock of deadlines for assignments and exams. 

it doesn’t take a scientist to know when miyeon is upset, for she isn’t the best at masking her emotions. through the sneaky glances at her that you’ve stolen over time, you can tell she’d rather spend the evening in silence than talk to you, which is a challenge with herself because she’s really talkative. it takes two to sing a duet, two to play and game, two people to make a relationship work. heeseung and you— the two of you are enough to make decisions for yourselves, decide what’s right and wrong and, something about miyeon questioning your choices doesn’t sit right with you. 

too many cooks spoil the broth, it’s the principle of your life, the words you’ve been following to this date. it was your decision to have a few friends instead of a fifty— quality over quantity, as one might call it— and there has never been a moment when you regretted having a handful of people to call friends. instead of consulting too many people about your major in university, you simply went with what your parents and homeroom teacher suggested. life has been good so far. the more the better is something that isn’t applicable in your case. instead of telling everyone about your dilemma regarding heeseung, you decided to keep it to yourself, eventually opening up to heeseung when the time comes. you’re doing just fine on your own, it doesn’t make sense to you why a third person’s opinion is making you doubt your decision making abilities that you’ve been so proud of. 

this is not a gamble, you tell yourself, it’s a fair play. you gave him options, he made the choice, it’s consensual. you didn’t force him into this game, he didn’t pressure you to respond, it’s a harmless competition that’s bound to have a positive outcome. you even spend a good fifteen minutes wondering if you should go back to heeseung and take it all back in case he finds it insensitive to put his feelings on the line. doing it in person seemed impossible so you resorted to texts, typing and deleting your message before giving up altogether. in your head, this was an okay decision. a sweet confession, a person with unsure feelings, a harmless competition. 

you hope it doesn’t backfire ten times worse. 

. 

. 

.

three days later, you find yourself on the way to basketball club rooms once again. you checked the court, it was empty, and your only option was to check the club slash locker rooms if you wanted to see heeseung. okay, first things first, you don’t miss him— maybe a little, but it’s because you miss hearing his weird ass answers in class even though they’re right. heeseung just has an unique approach to things, in other words he simply knows how to buy time and go in detail about things he’s an expert at to impress the professors. however, that doesn’t seem to be the case for him because he has approached you six times in the past three days, asking if you’re free to hangout. 

you like to think he misses you or that his requests were because he wanted to make sure you don’t study and lose to him, either could be true. knowing heeseung, he’s capable of going both ways. whatever may be the reason, you turned him down all six times, and it’s not because you have something against him— of course, you don’t. that’s common knowledge by now— your reason for not hanging out with him is studies, as expected of you honestly. the bet aside, you had way too many chapters to learn before exams and all heeseung ever does is take up your headspace everytime you sit down with your books spread open. avoiding him in thoughts wasn’t possible so avoiding him in person was your last straw. 

which leads to the present : you rushing to heeseung, again,  not because you miss him but because you need his help, though one of the reasons could be that you feel bad for turning him down six times. you can hear muffled laughter from a distance as you approach the club rooms, a bang against one of the lockers, a loud profanity that follows afterwards. their humour is beyond your level of understanding. 

“heese— oh, um—” you greet and turn away just as quickly when you realise that one of them is shirtless. it’s obviously heeseung, you can’t mistake his face for someone else. and you’re guessing he’s the last one to come out of shower because everyone else is dressed, maybe he’s someone who likes to take his time showering— you seriously need to stop thinking before your imagination goes bonkers. “sorry, can you come outside for a second when you’re ready?”

another round of laughter follows, more like teasing remarks because you can swear you heard a few of them refer to you as his girlfriend, and it gets you a little flustered, you won’t lie. you even hear one of them yell ‘ooh, get it, heeseung,’ as heeseung walks out, fixing his t-shirt, responding back with his middle finger up at whoever made the comment. 

“hi,” his voice isn’t much louder than a whisper, eyes fluttering between you, the floor, and his teammates who pretend to not look when you peek inside. there’s a soft smile on his face— it’s cute, you think, and then rethink what you just thought. heeseung is, well, not cute— usually. he’s good-looking, handsome, hot, sexy, even, since you’re on the topic of finding adverbs that suit heeseung. cute is rarely one of them, you don’t think you’ve seen him as flustered as he is right now— rubbing his nape, a tint of pink on his cheeks, avoiding eye-contact— that’s far from the heeseung you’ve been seeing for past two semesters. 

“hi, can you send me the pdf of the extra set of questions that prof sent last week? i think i accidentally deleted it while clearing up my storage,” you get straight to the point, trying not to waste much of your precious time. “i could’ve texted you but figured you’d be too busy with practice to check messages,” you remember what happened last time; he took six days to reply to your texts. you’re quite a patient person otherwise but in this case, you’re in dire need of questions to practise for tomorrow’s mock. 

“ah, sure, give me a minute,” and he pulls out his phone, scrolling through an ocean of files and documents to look for the one you need. you do think he’s gorgeous though, it’s a well known fact that he’s stunning, but you think this look of heeseung surpasses the other ones quite easily— hairs wet after shower, partially covering his forehead, a white t-shirt that’s slightly wet near the shoulders because of the water dripping down— you wish he’d at least dry his hair before catching a cold. “actually, i would have replied to your texts if you had— oh, yes, there you go. do you want me to email it to you or…?”

“oh, just texts would be fine, thank you,” 

“done,” a pause, you feel his eyes on you as you go through the pdf to take a brief look at the contents. “do you want to go for a walk? or are you getting back to studies?” at this point, you’re sure that question is a way to tease you about your obsession with studies. heeseung may think you’re overdoing it because you want to win, but it’s no more than the normal amount of hours you spend studying. he never paid you any attention to care about that. 

“no, i’m done for today, actually,” and that’s a big fat lie considering you were planning to solve some questions and revise two chapters before leaving the campus, but it’s fine. you feel bad for rejecting him six times either way. 

never in your life did you imagine that you’d be going on a walk with heeseung. it’s nothing serious, you just didn’t think there would be a day where you two would have normal people conversation while doing normal people activities instead of trying to disparage each other based on grades and academic performances. to think about it now, heeseung isn’t half bad, it was all in your head. it’s not like you had vile assumptions about him, you did find him annoying and way too prideful— anyone like him would be, actually, and heeseung is still quite humble about his achievements because if it was someone else, they sure would have made it everyone’s problem. 

actually, heeseung is insufferable as well. you remember your first encounter with him, first and so far, the worst— in the laboratory. you and heeseung sat next to each other and when the professor asked him to briefly explain his experiment, you realised it’s oddly similar to yours. you had accused him of cheating, like any sane person would, which led to him getting two scores less than a perfect. he only lost one score because of you, actually, and that too because you were professor’s favourite and heeseung was new to the department. the other score, you don’t know where he missed, but that incident led to heeseung deleting your powerpoint thirty minutes before your presentation, which led you stealing his notes and selling it some junior through an undercover twitter account, which led to the professor asking you to help him with notes before exams, and everything ultimately led to the realisation that heeseung is actually quite decent if you behave with decency as well. the give and take is serious for him, because he gave you notes and so, you had to take his offer of going on a walk. even though it seemed like you had a choice, a part of you knew it was a mirage. you would’ve ended up on a walk with heeseung one way or another. 

“i come here whenever i’m tired or just not feeling well,” he says and you wake up from your daydream of memories you shared with heeseung. the way he phrases his words makes it sound like he has brought you to one of his most secret locations, one that no one knows except taehyun, probably, considering they’re close friends, but in reality, it’s the playground you pass by every single day on your way from your apartment to university. 

“oh, are you okay? are you nervous for tomorrow’s match?” you continue, deciding you shouldn’t ruin his favourite place for him. honestly, no one would’ve guessed that lee heeseung would come to a children’s park on bad days. 

“actually, this walk was for you, you looked like you’d pass out if you spent another hour in front of books,” and you’re done, standing speechless with your eyes wide open at his words that he says with a victorious smile on his face. “you should start taking breaks, yn. it’s not a bad thing to go home earlier when you’re tired,” 

he’s right, oh, you know he’s absolutely right about everything he just said, from passing out to going home. a part of him probably even feels glad to have you out on his little walk with him, you’re getting your well deserved rest, thanks to him. heeseung might even ask if he can walk you home considering you’re ‘done for today,’ which is very thoughtful of him— but what does this make you? a liar? miyeon was right, you’re gambling, even though it’s not that serious. so far, you’ve lied about being done with your studies and the bet you made with heeseung because at this point, it’s more like a prank, except it’s not funny and that it might end up with him getting upset with you because tomorrow is basketball tournament’s finals and you’re here wasting his time, all because you lied. 

a liar and a lover, on a date at children’s park— match made in theatre club, you’d say. 

“are you sure this is not your way to manipulate into not studying and losing to you, just so you can date me?” you try to play it cool, knowing very well that it can be one of his tricks or whatsoever. after all, it’s the same heeseung who made you trip in front of your class just three days after being transferred. 

“i was being genuine but it doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” of course, it doesn’t. he gets to win, after all. “can i walk you home?” just as you had guessed. 

“i would love to go home but my bag is still in the library,” you had considered taking it with you, actually, but dismissed the thought once you realised you had to come back to the library and continue with your studies. albeit, you’re not studying, that’s on you for lying into oblivion and giving into his requests.  

once again, you two are back to walking, this time back to the university campus. it’s nice, having a walk with heeseung, it’s sweet, slow, comforting, like slow music flowing around and engulfing you in its arms. the unsaid words are weighing on your shoulders, you can feel the pressure, but it’s not awkward. above the busy hustle of the city and blaring horns, it’s a quiet world with heeseung, it’s nice, like a warm hug after a long day. you didn’t think you had it in yourself to spend a minute next to him without overthinking and possibly starting a banter. you didn’t think heeseung had it in him either, to make a walk feel so close to home.  

“so, how are you coping knowing you’re going to lose once again?” and, it’s back again. everything is a hoax actually— his looks? a trap. his smile? a trap. it’s all a facade because once he opens his mouth, nothing but horseshit comes out of it. 

“very well, in fact, because i know i’m the one getting that first spot this time,” call it overconfidence but you really do think you’ll get your title back this time. you’ve been studying well and hard enough, solving questions and going through every extra set of notes and exercises your professor sent. although, you would claim to beat heeseung had you been prepared or not because it’s fun messing with him. 

“i’d rather have you show some mercy, in that case,” before you know it, you’re already standing in front of the library. “academic defeat and a heartbreak, it already sounds painful. i hope you go easy on me,” it’s sarcastic, of course, all these saccharine words of confessions made you forget how he is under the layers of smiles and winks that adorn his face. a session full of silence follows, the comforting tranquillity morphing into something tensed as he steps closer, your breath getting caught up in your throat as your mind dysfunctions— it’s the effect he has. 

“heeseung,” you put a finger on his lips— the only thing between him and you, the only thing helping you stay sane and composed at the moment, because only you know the struggle of pulling yourself together while standing inches away from heeseung as he grabs your wrist and plants a soft kiss on your finger before removing it from his lips. 

“why, that’s unfair. you get to see me anytime you want while i have to wait because you’re busy studying, you even get to see me shirtless, and i can’t even get a kiss?” and you hate the look in his eyes, you hate how close he is standing and how it makes your heart go crazy. this isn’t even the beginning and you hate how you feel like you’ve already lost, and you hate how confident he is with every breath he breathes against your lips. “just kidding, see you tomorrow,” 

and you hate how this is where you realise that you’ve fallen deep, and you’ve fallen hard. 

IV. PLANET TO A SUN

heeseung has been thinking about the walk for an hour and twenty-seven minutes— actually more, ever since the moment he got home last night, but that is how long he has been practising for, eyes on the ball but mind revolving around you like a planet to a sun. you had texted him about a rule this morning— no kissing before finals. actually no kissing before we start dating, lee— your exact words. they have been holding him back from thinking straight, even made him practise an apology while looking in the mirror if in case his actions offended you in any way. lost in thought, heeseung manages to get another shot in. that’s twenty-third in a row ever since he stepped on the court, which is unbelievable, even for him. 

“is it just me or did heeseung’s performance improve overnight?” jake looks up at jay, fastening his shoelace, a chuckle escaping his lips that goes unnoticed. 

the latter offers a hand to jake, helping him stand as they share a laugh before jay passes him the ball. “well, of course it will. he has to impress his girlfriend today at finals,”

“she’s not my girlfriend,” heeseung grunts almost as if hearing you and the word girlfriend in the same sentences cuts ten years from his lifespan. he knows it doesn’t, he’d kill to call you his’. the reason behind his edgy behaviour is your text and the weird rule you’ve inserted in an already weird bet— it’s not like he minds it, the bet, obviously. heeseung definitely minds not getting to kiss you for the next few weeks. 

“yet,” jay clarifies, emphasising enough for the world to understand that his words are supposed to be in italics. “she will be if you score more than her in finals, which i don’t think is possible because unlike you, she has been studying all day everyday. i don’t know how she’s still alive,” and jay isn’t half bad student himself. juniors in business have his name residing on the tips of their tongues. he simply thinks you’re a freak for being in no clubs and not participating in anything that doesn’t involve studying. 

“she’s the top student for a reason,” jake adds. 

“i am the top student,” and hearing his friends call you the top students hurts heeseung’s ego a little bit. crushes aside, you’re his rival before his girlfriend, and you’re not even his girlfriend. you’re basically just a rival. “also, it’s not hard to study all day if you’re used to it,” 

and jay scoffs in disbelief. “right, you would know something about it, lee i can’t go a day without playing basketball heeseung,” 

“hey, everyone,” your voice reverberating in the court is what stops heeseung from responding to jay with a snarky remark. “just wanted to wish you all goodluck. i really hope you guys win the tournament or else, it’s going to be hard for heeseung to deal with two loses after i beat him in finals as well,” 

heeseung rolls his eyes in disbelief, you hear taehyun exclaim that he has been team yn since the very first day, a claim that few others proceed to back up, especially sunghoon, with his own lore of how he prays everyday for you to win the bet with heeseung. you’re honoured to receive such support, to some extent. a part of you still wishes for the whole thing to be a secret restricted to just heeseung and you but again, it was your fault for placing bets in court, in front of the entirety of the basketball team to witness, even their coach. 

“you’re a little too confident, don’t you think so?” he smirks, taking a few steps towards you with the ball supported between his arms and torso. “let me know where you’d like to go for our first date,” and it turns out heeseung is just as confident about winning the bet as you, perhaps even more. you are not surprised, being defending champions does that to people, or so you believe.

“mhm, let’s have you score a date first, lee,” you would have loved to talk more but decide to bid your goodbyes as soon as hanbin’s message pops up on your phone, the little scowl on heeseung’s face going unnoticed the moment he sees his name on your phone screen. heeseung would never in his wildest dream confess to being jealous— it doesn’t even make sense for him to be jealous of hanbin because he confessed to you, and you seem to like him back. his worries are pointless just like the useless art projects his art teacher used to assign in middle school. 

your fingers dance on the keyboard of your phone as you reply to hanbin, the subtle taps synchronous with your steps with you rushing across the quadrangle, taking the nearest flight of stairs to the library. you wanted to spend the day at your apartment since classes are suspended for the rest of the day on account of the match. however, hanbin managed to convince you into coming to the library to help him with a few assignments here and there. you’re not opposed to studying on days-off, in fact you think it’s better since you get all twenty-four hours to yourself instead of investing any of it in classes. the match gave you an excuse to call in for a break, or an excuse to take your time choosing the outfits as if you’re the main character on such a big day. 

the librarian gestures to you to slow down the moment you almost avoid slipping on the tiled floor, in the process of holding the door frame to stop yourself, an embarrassed apology makes its way from you to her as you spot hanbin in the further corner with his airpods plugged in. your first instinct is to scare him from behind but the thought leaves your mind as soon as you remember that you’re in a library, and getting kicked out on a day that has been treating you well so far doesn’t sound so smart. 

so, you settle with approaching normal, instead of pulling random stunts, pulling out the chair opposite to him quietly to not make any sounds, mumbling a soft ‘hi’ as he takes out one of his airpods. “where’s miyeon?” 

“sick, she’s skipping today’s match as well,” hanbin replies, eyes fixed on the notes he's copying from the laptop to loose sheets of paper, before looking up at you with another question on the tip of his tongue. “are you two still not talking?” 

“we did, none of us brought up what happened that day, though,” you shrug as if it doesn't bother you anymore, as if you don't want it to bother you more than it already does.

miyeon and you have known each other since university, she was a senior in undergrad course who was forced by financial circumstances to skip one academic year, thus rejoining in third year along with you and hanbin. seeing her was less frequent while she was still a senior, although you're not sure if you've spent more than three days away from her ever since postgrad school started. a heavy tension masks all your conversations with her, over texts or in person, and even though you're trying to act like the small talks with her don't hurt you, a part of you is starting to miss the best friend you used to talk to all night, about wasted matters and sharing useless gossip.

silence fills in for the lack of words between you and hanbin and you allow it to do so, deciding not to disturb the decorum of the library anymore. you scroll through your phone mindlessly, there’s nothing to look at except people going crazy about the evening's match. you even manage to stumble upon a thread of arguments featuring students of your university and the one the team is going against. it’s all empty threats, seriously, ‘kys’ and ‘ur mom’s in my bed’ aren’t even insults at this point. they’re funny, sometimes, but you’ll never understand why or how they ended up being insults. ( honestly, you don’t see the potential ) 

“are you serious about heeseung?” a crack in the ice, hanbin's question catches you off guard, with a number of questions running back and forth in your mind before you settle with the one to respond with in return.

you blink in confusion. “i guess so, why?” 

“nothing, it’s just i never expected it to be him, y’know, considering your history,” you think it's unavoidable, questions along these lines, they would've been asked sooner or later. truthfully, even you didn't expect yourself to fall for heeseung.

your history, what even is there to call history except blood and war? both you and heeseung have been up each other's neck from the moment your gazes collided. it sounds like a stupid beef between highschool students, almost embarrassing now that you both are nearing post graduation. with all the days that you’ve spent thinking about ways to get on his nerves, or worse— ruin his projects, it wasn’t just you who resorted to ruining each other’s hard work— no one would have known you and heeseung would ever end up on this note, with him chasing you and you pinning for him, all under the blankets of a silly bet.

“well, as i always say, hanbin, life is unpredictable,” there’s a smile dancing on your lips, a dazzling hint of factuality in your eyes. “besides, he’s a nice guy behind all the annoying things he does. i think he's pretty serious about me, or us, too,”

hanbin has noticed the way you smile at your phone. it doesn’t always happen, only when you’re talking with miyeon or a few friends from highschool, now heeseung ranks up on that list as well. he’d be lying if the uneasiness doesn’t bother him, it’s bound to surface when he remembers all the nights you spent complaining about heeseung. actually, the rant session included hanbin, you and miyeon, but she would rather go to sleep than listen to you complain like a child for hours on roll, leaving you and hanbin driving the conversation. he has lost count of the amount of times you’ve ended up crying in the process, or the amount of times he has hung up on you only to show up at your place late at night to make sure you’re doing okay, and the nights you two have spent watching movies and falling asleep on the couch, followed by the mornings gone by with miyeon being salty over the fact that none of you invited her to your impromptu nightover. 

the thought of heeseung confessing to you still surprises hanbin, it’s one of the things he deemed as impossible since forever. and he can go, warn heeseung about hurting you, dropping all sorts of threats at the boy. hanbin can go on for hours about how he would make heeseung’s life a living hell if he ever broke your heart. he can prove the righteous friend that he is, but at the end of day, he would always be the third person between you and heeseung. hanbin can only assume so much about you two, not even sure if all of it is right. he can only wish so much for you to have eyes for someone else. 

and so, all he does is shoot a smile at you. “i hope he is,” 

. 

. 

.

the only time you step out of the library is exactly three hours and thirty three minutes later, to sprint towards the basketball knowing that you absolutely cannot afford losing seats in the first two rows. fortunately, or unfortunately enough, you’re not the only student going crazy about the game. you can swear at least a dozen came out of the library right after you, even though all of them may not attend the game.

you’re already running late— well, still twenty minutes early but that doesn’t give you much time to meet the team and secure the front row seats. and meeting the team is an excuse, let’s be honest. you want to meet heeseung, have a quick private talk, kiss him good luck, you don’t know; you wouldn’t. your head is in a mess, behind you hanbin is yelling for you to slow down as you run down the stairs. half of you is worrying about seats and the other half is wording her sentences out for you to say when you meet heeseung, and the team. you can wish them all the luck in the world, after all, it’s the university team and you would love to see them win. the whole craze about sports doesn’t feel real and worth the hype but things start coming full circle when you’re the one watching. slowly, as one would expect, but you are starting to understand why everyone goes bonkers during tournament season. 

“damn, slow down,” hanbin huffs, grabbing your arm for you to slow down. “it’s not like they wouldn’t start without you,” 

“that’s the problem. what if they start without me?” but your legs wouldn’t rest before arriving at the court. you know your words sound funny, painting you as if the result of today’s match depends on you. it feels crazy to be this excited about a mere basketball match, nonetheless you know it’s not the match you’re actually looking forward to. “besides, i’m more worried about seats,” 

“i asked hao to save two for us. he’s friends with heeseung, i think he will do that much for his friend’s girlfriend or whatsoever,” you see him roll his eyes at his own words, proceeding to slide his hands into yours before continuing on your way to the venue, this time a little slower. 

you have heard about hao from hanbin and miyeon a few times. he’s pursuing a masters in music, wants to teach violin professionally according to hanbin. miyeon has even attended one of his recitals last autumn, something from sibelius, if you remember correctly. he is popular, and you see the depths of his popularity as soon as you spot him on the bleachers, surrounded by people left and right, one of them trying to grab a seat next to him before he points at you and hanbin, and the crowd goes mild, ultimately dissolves as the players step in. 

“i didn’t know heeseung had a girlfriend,” you don’t know what you were expecting, perhaps a few words of greetings, hi’s and hello’s since you two are meeting for the first time. anything, except that question. 

“believe me, i didn’t either,” and why even is heeseung going around telling everyone that you’re his girlfriend?        

the court breaks into cheers as soon as the game commences and yet, it feels a little quite. perhaps, it’s miyeon’s absence getting to you. had it been her next to you instead of hanbin and hao— who are busy amongst themselves by the way, talking about anything but the match— she would’ve been eating snacks non-stop, giving you a little talk on every player, like a resume. it’s take her fifteen minutes to give you summaries on players from each team, their achievements, girlfriends and probably even mothers, who knows. although, you haven’t attend many games with miyeon to pinpoint every good and bad thing about her impromptu presentation, her unofficial commentary helped you sit throughout the match. it feels incomplete without her, not just the game but days in general. it’s definitely her absence making your surroundings feel quieter. 

so, long story short, you don’t have a clue of what’s happening. well, you do, a little. you know what a dunk and a three pointer is besides the names of players on your university team, but that basically sums up your knowledge about basketball. all sorts of voices are mingling in the air but you’re busy following the ball around the court with your gaze, occasionally cursing and clapping when the team misses a close basket or scores a comparatively difficult basket. the tension between the two teams keeps rising as the game continues. you notice sunghoon groan in disappointment as one of the players from the opposite team gets in a banked shot from the wings, scoring two points for the team. a part of the crowd goes quieter at jay’s failed attempt to save the score for his team, beomgyu patting on jay’s back while muttering something along the lines of ‘good job.’ involuntarily, your eyes travel to heeseung, whose expression stiffens at the sight of the scoreboard displaying a two-point lag.

a time out call follows as the players move back to their respective ends, and it physically hurts you to see the difference in atmosphere between the two teams, or the frowns on the faces of players on your university team. for a second, you even consider walking down to them as they gather around the coach, grabbing water bottles and towels while nodding at the coach’s words between heavy breaths. you catch jake looking in your direction for a brief second, a smile makes its way to your lips before he responds with one as well, proceeding to nudge heeseung’s arm and pointing in your direction. his actions are left with no response— it hurts a little, although you are aware that anything else falls after winning the match on his priority list— and they get back on the court as the game resumes. 

“they need to catch up soon,” hanbin mutters, taking a look at the clock. and even if it’s just a two point difference, you’re starting to understand why it creates a huge gap. it’s almost like scores on a test. going from eighty-three to ninety then hundred is easier than going from ninety-eight to hundred. greater differences are easier to overcome; for you have so many rooms for improvisation and thus, so many chances at closing the gap. the closer you are to a perfect score, the narrower are the chances and it’s almost impossible to pin-point and work on every single weakness of yours within those two points. you’re pretty sure your words would hardly make sense to anyone else, but nonetheless you understand why everyone on the court looks more attentive, probably like meerkats on the lookout for preys and predators. 

much to your disappointment, the play continues with the rivals dominating the court, giving low to zero chances for the opposition to get their hands on the balls. you even see a few of them trying to provoke heeseung, the latter trying his best to not react but you’re afraid he would start throwing punches if another one of the players passed by him with his middle finger up heeseung’s face. one of them, who you assume is the captain judging from the way he has been directing his team, goes in for a hook, immediately getting blocked by taehyun as the court bursts into loud cheers once again. 

“that was a little too far for a hook,” hao comments, and you nod as if you understand his words and know exactly how a hook is supposed to be. you didn’t even know about a hook until now, and you’re still not sure what it is since all the shots look almost the same to you. 

from that second onwards, it felt as if the control transferred to heeseung’s teams as they transition quickly from defence to offence, making quick passes and running the court, practically catching the opposite team off guard. jay passes the ball to jake, who takes a leap from half court, driving towards the unguarded basket. a quick layup using the backboard, as you hear hanbin name the shot, and basically everyone runs to jake for scoring two points for the team as the scoreboards displays a sour tie. it’s a seemingly easy match after that, especially when the players look like they’re back into the game. sunghoon passes the ball to heeseung who goes for another layup and fails, much to his despair, before going in for a dunk and scoring yet another basket for the team, leading it by two points. you see him passing a cocky smirk at the player from before as jake pats him in the back with heeseung almost stumbling in the process. 

heeseung shoots you a wink before focusing on sunghoon’s words as they get back into position, and even amidst the butterflies you got by his recent actions, you don’t miss the way he stretches his fingers, ring-finger specifically, pointing something about the movements to jay before getting his focus back to the game; and you just hope it isn’t what you’re thinking it is. 

it’s a slow game after that, no points scored, four fouls with two of them back to back, one by each team respectively. the frustration increases on the court, evident in each step taken by the players, groans and sighs fill the atmosphere and get louder than the cheers that have gone quieter once again. it isn’t until a few minutes later that all the players run to the front court as soon as they see an opportunity for a fast break with taehyun taking the lead, passing the ball to jay just a few seconds after, who passes it to heeseung— and call it the lack of efficiency or bad timing, heeseung bumps into one of the players from opposite team, an uneven balance, and falls directly on his right knee, as one of the opposite players throws the ball off-bounds to stop the play. 

the medics take him to the benches, bringing ice packs and everything else before escorting him inside. you considered following him inside before hanbin tells you that the officials aren’t letting anyone meet him, probably until they receive updates of his situations. you bite the inside of your cheeks in nervousness, palms sweating as if you’re about to appear for an exam you weren’t informed about until five minutes ago, or maybe it’s even worse. the murmurs from the crowd or the group of girls behind you, to be more specific, do nothing but make you feel more anxious. zhang hao, being a sports medicine student, tries to give you an insight on heeseung’s injury, telling you that even if he fell directly on his knee and it could result in a patella fracture, or perhaps just dislocation— words that compel you to yell at him to shut up before he ensures that heeseung will be fine. hanbin does that for you, noticing your slightly panicked state, telling hao to talk about anything but anatomy of how badly a simple injury can affect a player, and when sunghoon and taehyun return to the officials with an update on heeseung and a pale face, you knew you had to run to your heeseung as if it’s the end of the world. 

“heeseung,” you breathe out, stepping aside to let the nurse from the infirmary leave before you walk closer to him. the awkwardness between you and other players, namely jay, jake and beomgyu, besides the coach, rings all the bells to remind you that coming here was probably a bad idea. well, of course, you like heeseung and are worried for him, but the tension in the air makes you feel like you showed up uninvited. “are you okay?” 

you ask nonetheless, voice close to a whisper, as you stand at a distance, looking at the bruise on his knee. the smell of antiseptic spray fills your lungs, nose scrunching at the way you could almost taste the diclofenac at the back of your mouth. 

“not really,” he inhales sharply, exhaling a reply once everyone left, knowing they had a game to get back to. “look at you, are you worried for me?”

“i’m regretting coming here now,” liar. and then you let the silence carry the conversation with itself for the next few minutes. you don’t know what to say— what can you say? all you do is sit next to him, hands brushing against his as his winces at the slightest touch. heeseung opened his mouth to say something before dismissing his words with a heavy sigh the very next moment. you almost hold his hand— almost, thinking of holding it ever so carefully as if it’s glass with thousands of cracks, and then you’d kiss it ever so delicately, you did it— almost, but then, it’s just you getting upset over the fact that he played even after hurting his hand.

“so, they’re benching you,” you say in an attempt to strike a conversation, a little conflicted with your choice of words, wondering if he even wants to hear about something related to the match at the moment. 

“of course,” he says it like a matter of fact, a fact whose impact doesn’t seem to touch him. “please tell me they have jeno substituting for me. i’ve barely been getting updates in the group chat,” the least he expected was for one of the substitute players to keep him updated about the game through texts, and heeseung planned to get back to the court until you showed up, taking a seat next to him on the benches in the locker room. you don’t understand why they didn’t take him to the infirmary, and decided to think it’s because locker rooms are closer and if there’s anything heeseung should not be doing right now, it’s moving his injured leg. 

you shrug. “i don’t know, i’ll ask hanbin,”

“thanks,” and even though heeseung isn’t really fond of your friend for reasons that are widely known, at least amidst his friend group, he really hopes hanbin is of some use. 

it’s quiet now. you can hear faint cheers buried in the layers of walls and rooms that stand between the court and the locker room, a few muffled footsteps filling up any spaces left in the air, here and there. you assume it’s his fans trying to check up on him, as annoying as it sounds to you for you’d rather have this moment with him all to yourself. you hear him sigh heavily once every few minutes, trying to ball his injured fingers up in a fist to allow the slightest of moments and ensure healthy circulation, a soft hiss leaving his lips at the sensation of striking pain shooting up his nerves. unlike heeseung, your attention shifts to his injured knee with a faint chill running down your spine as you look at his bruise, which now looks more bluish than it was when you had arrived, signifying the possibly alarming amount of blood that has now clotted in the tissues. 

“you can cry,” nudge him with your shoulders and heeseung directs you to the most disgusted face in return. “what? it’s the finals and you’re injured so you won’t be able to play today. any normal person would sob their eyes out,” 

“i’m not a kid, yn,” he nudges back, a chuckle slipping off his lips. 

“trying to act all cool but you’re probably going to cry yourself to sleep for days, or even weeks,” he holds out his hand for you to hold it as you stand up, an action you give into without opposition, intertwining your fingers with his. there’s a smug smile on your face and he sees it as well, although only you know the way your heart is somersaulting at the way your hands fit his’ like pieces of a puzzle. “i know what you are, heeseung,”

he scoffs at your words, hands still entwined, a lovesick glow in his eyes— it’s your first time seeing this side of him, you’re glad to be one of the people to see it. silence has never felt so comfortable to you. the distant noise from court feels like it rushed on its way to you and heeseung, and stopped at the doors, as if you two are beyond its reach. you might never say it to him, but everything seemingly ceases to exist when you’re with him, and the world feels timeless. it’s embarrassing, cringe, and it’s making your heart beat faster with the way he looks at you. “you need to shut up,”

“make me?” a quick response, one that was supposed to be a joke, a joke which was supposed to be accompanied by laughter and brushed off as another baseless comment, but another second passes as you continue to look into his eyes, and you realise you’re actually considering it— leaning in towards him while giving his hand a light tug to pull him towards you the slightest, your other hand cupping his face as your gaze ghosts up his eyes and settles on his lips. when it comes to him, rationality is out of the window and your lips are on his’ planting the softest kiss at the corner of his mouth before pulling away like nothing ever happened.  

a pause; you could hear the silence ringing in your years, eyes fixed over him as if you’re spilling all your secrets to him, waiting for him to take a hint. “what even happened to the ‘no kissing before finals’ rule?’”

and you realise you had actually forgotten about it, for better and never for the worse, because as you said and as he repeated, it’s all about timing. empty locker rooms, quiet hallways with not a soul around, your hand in his, his eyes on you— the timing couldn’t be better, and you know better than messing up and letting heeseung become just a closed chapter of your life. “yeah, i could care less about that,”

there are a lot of things you could care less about, like the cold metal that stings against your back as he pushes you against the lockers, or the fact that anyone could walk in, any minute; you don’t care, don’t know. his lips are on yours and his hands are on your waist, it feels euphoric the way his lips move in synchrony with yours, fitting like puzzle pieces. heeseung tugs you closer by your waist, a faint gasp escaping your mouth that dissolves immediately into your breaths mingling together. it’s intoxicating and is making you go insane, the way he manages to sweep you off your feet with the smallest of actions and simplest of words— from the very first day. 

heeseung was right, and you as well, it’s all about timing. from the day you first looked at him in a seminar, to the day he switched to biotech— you plan on asking him why because so far, all your guesses seem implausible— down to the day he confessed, leading up to this moment with you pressing against the lockers and his lips against against yours. heeseung sighs softly, cupping your cheeks and tilting your head to deepen the kiss, and you could feel the heat of his breath against your lips when you pull away just when it was about to get better, avoiding his lips when he leans in to chase yours barely a millisecond later. your eyes shift down to his hand, one that has been injured during the game, and you proceed to hold it carefully, brushing your lips over the bruise lightly before adorning it with feathery kisses as his other hand travels down to your waist once again, pulling you closer. “you should go easy on yourself,”

you whisper the exact same words he had told you a day ago, traversing your eyes back towards him while your gazes have a conversation so foreign, as if it’s only for the silence to understand. and it’s quite literally just the two of you basking in silence as he rests his head against the crook of your neck, planting a few kisses here and there before pulling you even closer, as if you were going to disappear any second. “i think, i’m in love with you,” 

and timing be damned— because heeseung confesses to you once again, and then he’s kissing you once again, slowly, sweetly, in love, and timing doesn’t even matter because every second feels right with him. with the same air of delighted indifference he comes to know well in the gleam of your touch and the curl of your lips, you simply kiss him back as if to say, hate to admit, but i’m in love with you too. and timing really be damned because you hear loud rounds of cheers as you feel his shoulders stiffen. a slight disconnection between you and heeseung makes you wonder if he’s thinking about the results of the game, which is inevitable, but this is about you and him, and nothing else. you hear the notifications from his phone go off, hinting that the match is probably over, and you pull him into another kiss, another round of selfishness guised as an outlet for him to forget about the game, another round of messy make outs, tasting the freedom of ignorance. 

and then you don’t hear from heeseung again.  

V. OBJECT OF ALL DESIRES

days without heeseung feel like they’re forty-eight hours long.

you think it’s a disease or some sort of withdrawal syndrome. this isn’t your first time without him, in fact, you used to do just fine without him in your life until you let him in. at this point, it isn’t even about not being able to see him— heeseung has been absent for almost seven days. you even asked jay about him to see if he has been in contact with any of his teammates but much to your disappointment, he disappeared off the face of earth like he never existed. taehyun has constantly been reminding you to not fret too much, knowing that heeseung gets a little dramatic after losing matches. you can take his word, obviously, a friend from highschool would know heeseung better than a girl who started talking to him normally barely weeks ago, although you couldn’t help but worry about him as seconds passed like water dripping down the tap, disturbing the silence. 

you know how losses feel— like a part of you has been taken out and you’re left to bleed. it’s worse when it’s about something you’ve loved all your life. you’ve walked next to losses, hand in hand. when you know you’ve lost something while having it in the palms of your hands the whole time, the feeling eats you inside. you wonder if heeseung is feeling the same way you think he is, even if he didn’t show it a week ago when you had met him in the clubroom, the feeling starts to sink in when you’re alone amidst the ghosts of nobodies. even though he was smiling and acting like the little shit he is, you felt anger and regret in the way he kissed you. there was a sense of numbness dripping down his fingertips in the way they brushed against your cheeks, cupping your face. you could’ve been a sweet escape— it hurts to admit that the emotions weren’t possibly real, but you couldn’t blame him. 

losing a match, to put it in your words, meant failing in a test; and losing because of an injury, it’s like skipping a test you prepared for, because of fever. except tests can be rescheduled for students who missed— a luxury heeseung, as a basketball player, cannot enjoy. even you couldn’t believe your eyes when the students on the forum started talking about the lost match, all sorts of comments going around, though none targeted at heeseung, fortunately. yet, your first instinct was to dial his number— out of reach, the first thing you hear on the other side of the line, and all you’ve been hearing for days now. 

you had considered cutting ties with him, not literally, but as in stopping to chase him as if he’s the oxygen you inspire. you could’ve showed up at miyeon’s place with apologies, her favourite snacks and a brief explanation of why you did what you did, and everything that has happened as the consequences of your own actions. with weekends approaching, you could’ve planned a two-day trip with her and hanbin before the winter snow made it hard to commute— just anything to get your mind off heeseung, since apparently, you weren’t on his mind either. albeit, you end up doing nothing, no trips, no plans to see miyeon, it’s just you and your bruised heart with soju on the side. your mind is way too cluttered with thoughts about heeseung to focus on studying and at the same time, it’s way too empty to try doing anything else.  

so, you simply venture down the hallways, drowning in all kinds of thoughts, good and bad. you can use the time to study but concentration has been far out of your reach ever since the match, or ever since he went underground, to be more specific. the impromptu make out session was probably his last straw— it makes sense. you kissed someone who had been walked out of a match because of an injury instead of consoling them. you let your feelings get the best of you, making everything about yourself yet again. you won’t be surprised if heeseung decides to ghost you for the rest of his life after that; or maybe, that’s not possible since you see a familiar figure sitting in the outdoor basketball court, spinning the ball with it’s axis on the ground in a directionless manner. 

“heeseung?” you notice his back tense at the sound of you calling his name, head down low as if he’s responding with an exasperated sigh. “where the hell have you been? i’ve been trying to reach you— heck, even your friends haven’t heard a word from you in days,”

“not now, yn, leave me alone,” and an exasperated sigh is what it was. 

“look, i know—”

“just, what part of leaving me alone do you not understand?” you try to speak but heeseung cuts you off just as efficiently as he does other things, with annoyance heavily evident in his words. had it not been heeseung, you would’ve left already, for you have more important things to tend to, and you’re certainly not interested in matters you’re not supposed to be included in, if only it wasn’t heeseung, and if only you weren’t crazily worried for him. 

“oh, i understand it clearly, every part, actually, and i also understand that you’re upset and leaving you alone would certainly not be the best move considering the way you went MIA for a week,” and you understand his impulses about disappearing into thin air, wishing the ground eats him up or for the walls to cave in till he’s entombed in them, but a person as smart as him should know taking out helps better than thinking about wanting to vanish. “we can sit and have a talk if you stop being such an asshole about it. i’m down to listen to—”

“fine, what do you want to hear about?” he cuts you off in annoyances, the ball rolls down to a distance like your heart when you see the unfamiliar emotion in his eyes. “you were right. i went home and have been crying myself to sleep. i haven’t been eating well either. i skipped five out of nine mocks and barely passed the four i gave, let’s add that too. is that enough?” 

you don’t like the way he puts it, as if it’s supposed to make you feel better. maybe about the bet, maybe, since he’s supposed to rank above you in finals to get around dating you, and maybe watching him lose is supposed to offer you some sort of relief— seriously, what you’re feeling right now is far from that. guilt, anger, shame, you’re not unfamiliar with those emotions. they eat you inside and it’s not because you’ve met with defeat, it’s because of falling off all the expectations people had, giving them another reason to point fingers and laugh. you could be really over-reacting, but if you didn’t have your parents telling you it’s going to be fine every time you didn’t do well on tests, you don’t know where you would’ve been right now. and you think you can play a part of the same for heeseung, if not all. 

you sit next to him, nose scrunching at the sight of dust on the cement laid with cracks. that’s what you get with an outdoor court no longer in use. you can see little plantlets germinating from the soil, emerging through the cracks, the rusted ring catches your eye. heeseung huffs as you settle next to him, wondering exactly how long the court has been unused for, considering its lack of maintenance. “let’s date,” 

and your words are not what you were planning to say or what should be said in this situation, but they still manage to extract a response from him. “don’t play with me,” 

“i’m not, in fact, that is what i’ve been wanting to say to you for days. of course, this isn’t the best timing, but i don’t know what else to say,” you pause in what feels like embarrassment. too bad, his crush is not good at conversations. sometimes you end up nodding and blinking for five minutes straight before saying anything, after a person opens up to you with tears and blood. “and, i’m not going to tell you to stop acting like a child or whatever because the team lost such an important match and somewhere, you’re blaming yourself for it, which you shouldn’t, by the way. all i need to say is that you still have the next year to make up for what you’ve lost now,” 

second chances come with higher expectations from people along with words that end up making one feel worse about their situation. you’ve already heard a few students talk about how heeseung should’ve been more ‘careful’— as if it was his choice to get injured and lose the match. you know it wasn’t going to be easy, especially with his injury that probably requires him out of the court for weeks, but you hope that amidst whatever he’s feeling, between self-loath and regret, heeseung manages to find himself once again. 

“actually, i’m planning to drop out of the team next year and focus on studies. my parents were already against me playing basketball during postgrad, i’m finally starting to notice why,” basketball could’ve been his entire career if heeseung’s grandmother had not wished for him to go into the medical field. seeing the insides of a person makes him want to empty his bowel from the mouth so biotechnology was his next option. heeseung thought having two hands would give him the benefit of managing basketball and academics together, unlike how his parents had wished for, but his recent mock scores and lack of time devoted to studies is making him question his choices. “and what the hell were you on about dating, by the way?” 

you’re half immersed in your own thoughts until heeseung directs the question at you— brows furrowed, confusion shadowing his face— you realise it’s your turn to do the talking. “oh, you know, dating. i think we should start dating already, it’s quite inevitable after that day in the clubroom,” 

it is evitable, really, but you’re down bad— with all due respect. 

you haven’t been okay ever since you realised that you like heeseung, and you’ve been trying to act normal about it, attempting to not lose your cool-hard-to-get-girl composure— miyeon’s words, and they make you cringe— while the thought of him is eating your brain slowly and gradually, making you go insane. if you were to narrate from where you opened and closed the door at, it would be a slippery slope, you don’t know how someone ends up falling for the person they despise. the yn from a month or two ago would be knowing, you can see her shrugging and getting back to her books, saying see saw it coming. ( it’s miyeon’s fault for making you even think about having a mind blowing chemistry with heeseung ) the you from two semesters ago, when he first transferred, would hate you and call you a traitor, might even write whore on a mirror while looking at it because you fold at the sight of hot, smart and sporty men who are perfect at everything, even at ruining someone’s life, like he’s ruining yours; and the yn from highschool, you see her squealing on the floor because oh, what a fan of enemies to lovers she was— heeseung wouldn’t even have been in the current picture if your highschool crush slash rival liked you back. the current you, well, she’s a goner, and in denial that she’s a goner. too much pride does something to a person, especially when you’re an over-scorer and an academic weapon. you’ve lost all your abilities of letting your guard down even once, refusing to give up and accept defeat, no matter how tortuous it is on the inside. 

the current you is more like a victorian man looking at ankles for the very first time. 

“and the bet? what happened to it?” he chuckles, of course, anyone would, considering the way you’ve lost after placing the bet with utmost confidence slash overconfidence. see, it never ends well, anything, with overconfidence, it doesn’t end well, never have and never will. and you, you don’t learn, sitting with the very well known fact that if you were given the chance, you would place the bet with him again.  

“ah, i didn’t mean to do that, honestly. i was confused when you confessed, it was so sudden, i didn’t know how to respond. the bet was the best i could come up with,” miyeon was right, you could’ve used something along the lines of ‘i need some time,’ that day instead of pulling out a bet right out of your ass, and now you don’t know how to save face. at least the fact that heeseung confessed first makes you feel a little better about yourself. “c’mon, i know you love challenges. i was just trying to see if it gets you turned on or something,” 

and heeseung scoffs in disbelief, eyeing you at your choice of words. “yeah, i feel very turned on knowing my crush dragged me into a bet that i’ve been working so hard for and she wasn’t even serious about it,” 

“working hard? from what i saw, the only thing you worked hard for was basketball,” you raise your brows, a taunting intonation in your voice. a part of you regrets the choice of words, knowing that basketball is seemingly quite a sensitive topic to bring up at the moment. albeit, the slight fear evaporates off when he laughs and dismisses your words and nothings. 

he leans a little closer, hands touching yours. “you never know what i’m up to at home,” 

a pause; you look in his eyes and then at his lips, he mirrors your actions with a smirk on his face. you guess that there’s a second meaning to his words, not sure what, but the look in his eyes tells you something about it. “i think we should get back to when you were talking mental and i was talking you down,” 

and you could grab his face and kiss him with no one around, on the unmaintained basketball court for the grey and cloudy skies to see. you could run your hands through his hairs and tell him how crazy he makes you while planting kisses down his neck. you can kiss him till both of your lungs are begging for oxygen, and that's when you'd tell him how he makes you feel— breathless and drowning, a little insane every time you see him flirting with someone that's not you. you can kiss him till the sun goes down and evening takes over, it doesn't matter if you're outside for the world to see. you would've kissed him if heeseung hadn't leaned back, looking at the ball lying stray at a distance.

“by the way, i’d love to date you,” he smiles at the infinite horizon before looking at you, as if waiting for a response already known.

“yeah, i figured that,” you try to play it cool as if you’re all knowing. it’s partially true, he did confess to you first. “let’s make another bet: no kissing before finals, and the one who ends up giving in first has to buy dinner,” you come up with yet another bet, your voice hinting the enthusiasm for no apparent reason.  

heeseung squints at you, a little conflicted, quite unsure of your words. it sounds like a moment of deja vu, hopefully on a better note this time ‘round. “that’s not even valid, we made out not even a week ago,” 

“let bygones be bygones, hee,” he likes the sound of the little nickname you've given him, unlike bygones, the word you use to refer to your very first kiss with him as if it's an unfortunate memory. “it’s decided then, no kissing before finals and the loser has to buy dinner, and i won’t be satisfied with anything less than a five star meal,” 

you squint, index finger pointing at him, a challenging composure. another chuckle from him makes it’s way to you, lips curling into a faint smile. it takes you all the way back to the day you placed your first bet with him, with head empty and no logic, for the entirety of the basketball team to see, hear, and talk about it as if it’s supposed to be on the headlines of the national newspaper. your eyes spark up in anticipation, wondering if the two of you are down for another bet, one that doesn’t proceed towards failure, hopefully.

“the last time you did something like this, you ended up running back to me and asking me to date you,” he scoffs softly, side-eyeing you with a mocking gaze, quite ready to pull out the receipts if you ever deny his words. you hate how correct he is, all the time, actually, and you hate how you don’t have words to argue back.

lee heeseung, a nobody to you till he switched to your department, just some student who was there to pass time until he started ranking above you on tests and flipped your whole world upside down. you tried to not think about him and failed every time— still beats you why. you’ve never let distractions get the best of you, but heeseung, perhaps he’s more than just a distraction, or maybe he isn’t a distraction at all. he’s like a plant in your garden that you could care less about— should care less about, it’s growing without harming your plants, but it’s creeping against a wall with pretty flowers for show, and before you know it, it’s demanding for all your attention that you offer without second thoughts, unwillingly at first. 

he’s the bane of your existence and object of all your desires, to put it simply and make it sound cliché. you’ve had your moments trying to run away from him, get him out of your head, annoy him to the point he’d prefer flying to the other side of the globe, or that could be you too, anywhere, far from him. but life, for the thousandth time, is unpredictable. when was the last time something worked out exactly how you had planned— can’t remember, obviously, just like the way you don’t remember when heeseung started occupying a corner of your brain, popping in and out at random times and disrupting your thought process. the more you tried to ignore him, the further he housed in your head, the deeper in your heart, closer, within your reach, as if for you to grab his hands and let him enter your side of the world. 

and so, you kiss him again, pulling him towards you with the collars of his jacket. you feel him smile, a triumphant smile, as expected from someone who is used to winning. you don't think you can say you've lost, not at the way he cups your cheeks and tilts his head to deepen the kiss just moments before you pull away. “i always run back to you, don’t i?” 

and you're a child infatuated with their favourite sport, a painter falling in love with strokes, a pianist dancing to the melody of rachmaninoff, a student addicted to getting a perfect score, a player addicted to winning. you trace back to things you like, you always run back to heeseung,

and you always would. 

TEN MINUTES LATER :

heeseung plants a soft peck on your lips. “dinner’s on you,” 

“fuck!” 

[polaroidloving]

dandelions

pairing(s): nishimura riki x fem!reader

genre(s): fluff, academic rivals to lovers, private boarding school au (??)

wc: 2.5k

warning(s): reader is sick

summary: the last thing you needed before your midterm was to fall ill. thankfully, nishimura riki was there to make sure you were okay.

note: this was supposed to be small i have no idea what happened i’m sorry if it seems to drag on forever rip

You may have been a little disoriented and on the verge of falling asleep, but you still felt the presence of someone standing over you.

“Go away, Nishimura,” you said, burying your face deeper in your arms. School was about to start in a few minutes and you were slumped over your desk, the hood of your jacket pulled over your head.

The only reason you knew it was Riki was because you didn’t really have any friends that would come to check up on you. Sure, you talked to a lot of people in your grade, but there wasn’t anyone you could turn to in an hour of need.

You would have snapped at him for being so cocky if it weren’t for the fact that he was right. No matter how much work you put into your academics, you could never seem to surpass the boy.

Studying all the time to maintain your scholarship never left you much time to socialise.

“Didn’t sleep last night?” he popped. You sighed weakly and tried to tune out his incessant blabbering. “You shouldn’t try so hard, Y/N. I thought after all this while you’d have realised it’s impossible to beat me.”

If only you weren’t sick.

You weren’t one to give up, though. The more you failed, the more you tried. The more you improved. You’d received the same percentage as him in the last midterm—you were hopeful about finally outperforming him in this one.

It seemed your long studying hours, lack of sleep and personal neglect had finally caught up to you. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d eaten a proper meal.

You’d been determined to go through everything again as many times as you could, and that had somehow snowballed into you staying awake for over 36 hours with a fever of over 100°F.

None of this would have happened if you had your mom to force you to take a break. You supposed an unhealthy lifestyle was one of the downsides of attending a boarding school.

It was fine, though. The next exam wasn’t for a week, so you could sleep for several hours and take plenty of time to recover after you were done with today’s test.

“Please go away,” you muttered, clenching your eyes shut against the sharp stab of pain that shot through your head. Fuck, this was the last thing you needed right now.

There was a pause for a moment. Then, you heard the sound of a chair being dragged closer and Riki sitting down right next to you.

He leaned closer to your face so he could examine it and asked, “Are you ill?”

You couldn’t even muster the energy to give him an answer. You just wanted him to leave you alone so you could pull yourself together before the bell rang.

Obviously, he did the exact opposite. He lifted your hood a little bit and placed the back of his hand on your cheek, causing you to shiver at the cold contact.

“You’re burning up, Y/N!” he exclaimed and withdrew his arm. “We need to get you to the medical wing right now!”

You ignored him.

Riki shrugged his blazer off and dropped it over your shoulders, enveloping your body in some much needed warmth.

“Can you get up by yourself?”

Again, if speaking hadn’t been proving to be such a difficult task, you would have pointed out how stupid he was for asking you that right after weighing you down with his heavy blazer.

It didn’t matter anyway. You weren’t leaving the classroom before you turned in your answer paper.

Riki interpreted your lack of response as a cry for help. He grabbed the back of your seat with a hand and pulled you away from your desk.

You yelped at the sudden movement, but he snaked an arm around your waist before you could topple and hauled you up.

“I don’t need your help,” you managed to croak as he slung your arm around his neck for better support. “Leave me alone, Riki. I’m fine.”

“You have a fever, Y/N,” Riki said, finally getting a good look at your face. Maybe it was because your gaze was foggy, but you could see concern and worry etching his features. “You look half dead.”

You sighed and let your head loll forward. “It’s fine.”

The next thing he spoke wasn’t directed at you, but at the teacher who had just walked through the door to supervise the test.

“Y/N’s sick, Mrs. Lee,” Riki informed. “Is it okay if I take her to the nurse?”

“Oh—certainly,” she sputtered, clearly caught off guard. Hurrying towards you, she checked your temperature and you heard a quiet gasp leave her mouth. “She’s burning up. We need to get her some medical attention immediately.”

“I’m okay, Mrs. Lee.” You lifted your head and tried to give her a reassuring smile. “I’ll visit her after the exam.”

Your teacher only stared at you incredulously. Then, she commanded Riki, “Let’s move. I’ll call for a substitute supervisor.”

Before you could protest again, he said, “It’s fine if you don’t accompany me, ma’am. I can manage on my own.”

“No—”

“The bell will ring in a minute. You won’t be able to find someone so soon and the others won’t receive their question papers on time. Really, I can do this by myself.”

Mrs. Lee appeared conflicted, but she seemed to find some sense in his words. He was the star student—she could trust him with you. “Okay. Just keep me updated.”

And then Riki was helping you out of class and to the medical wing. Since he was so tall, your arm was stretched up to find support on his shoulders.

The blazer kept slipping off, and the boy decided enough was enough after the third time he had to stop and tug it back on you.

“Y/N,” he said softly. “Hey.”

You opened your eyes and glanced at him weakly. “There?”

“Not yet. I’m gonna let go of you for a minute. Lean on the wall, okay?.”

You gave him a small nod and did as you were told once Riki took his blazer off you. Lifting your arm, he slid it into the sleeve. Then, he pulled you closer so your back wasn’t resting against the wall anymore and brought the piece of clothing on your other side.

He was pretty much caging you with his figure now, and despite yourself, you found that his embrace was much warmer than his blazer. Somehow, his presence made you feel ten times better.

“Okay, let’s go,” he announced, gripping your waist and slinging your arm around his neck again. But this time, he intertwined the fingers of his free hand with yours.

The sudden increase in the pace of your heart and the heat rushing to your face were definitely side effects of whatever was wrong with your body.

“Why are you helping me?” you rasped. Great, your throat was itching too now.

Riki frowned at you. “Huh?”

“I could not have been clearer, Nishimura.”

“I wasn’t talking about the question.” He let out an exasperated sigh. “Your tone surprised me. You sounded oddly suspicious.”

“Oddly? Given our history, I think my reaction is completely normal.” You shouldn’t be tiring yourself out by conversing with him, but you couldn’t deny that you were curious.

“What history?” Riki inquired, looking confused as well. “I thought we were friends.”

You reached the medical wing before you could reply. The nurse noticed you and smiled at the student she was checking on before rushing towards you.

“She has a high fever,” Riki said before she could ask. “It’s accompanied by a headache and overall weakness, I think.”

The nurse’s eyebrows furrowed as she led the two of you towards a bed. “Yeah, we’ve been getting a lot of that recently with the exams coming up. Are you getting enough sleep? Eating food regularly?”

“Uh…” You winced. “Sure.”

She gave you a knowing look and came to a stop. “Lie down here. I’ll go get the thermometer and blood pressure machine. Get your story straight by the time I come back.”

Riki helped you get on the bed and took a seat on the chair beside you. “You’re stupid, you know that?”

All you did was stare at the ceiling.

“You’re supposed to take care of yourself, Y/N!” he scolded. “When was the last time you slept? I don’t even see you in the cafeteria anymore. Is packaged food all you’ve been eating these days—”

“Why do you care, Riki?” you asked him again, finally averting your gaze to meet his.

He fell silent. Then, he muttered in defeat, “I just do.”

“Thanks for bringing her here, but you need to go back to class, Mr. Nishimura. I need to treat my patient.” To no one’s surprise, the nurse knew his name. Everyone did. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes.

“I’ll wait.”

“You have an exam in progress.”

“I’ll give the retest with Y/N.”

“She has a valid reason to be here. You don’t.”

“But—”

“Don’t make me repeat myself.”

Riki glanced at you in despair before giving in. “Fine. I’ll see you in three hours, Y/N.”

You awkwardly nodded at him in acknowledgement. Why was he suddenly so concerned about you? All he’d done the past few years was be a complete pain in your ass.

Weird.

Your head was no longer throbbing when you regained consciousness.

It didn’t feel like you had the fever anymore, though you still felt weak and wanted to lie in bed forever.

Rubbing the gunk out of your eyes, you pushed yourself up and groggily looked around. The medical wing’s lighting had been dimmed, so you reckoned that night had already fallen.

Sure enough, when you glanced out of the window, the full moon was staring back at you.

Then you noticed an unmoving figure seated by your bed—Riki.

His arms were crossed over his chest and his head was slumped forward. His ruffled hair was hiding his face, but it was obvious he was sleeping.

Blinking in surprise, you debated whether or not to wake him up. You knew he’d fallen asleep in that uncomfortable position while waiting for you to come around, but waking him up didn’t seem right either.

Thankfully, you were spared from making the decision. He leaned forward in his sleep and your hand shot out to prevent him from toppling over.

He looked so lost when he jerked awake that you had to purse your lips to stop yourself from smiling.

“You’re awake!” Riki exclaimed upon catching sight of your sitting figure. “How do you feel?”

“Rested,” you admitted. “I don’t think I have a fever anymore.”

The boy placed the back of his hand against your throat and confirmed it. “You don’t.”

“How many hours was I out for?” you inquired, frowning at the darkness outside the window.

“Hours?” Riki laughed. “You were out for days. We came here yesterday morning and it’ll be midnight soon now.”

Your heart dropped to your stomach. “Oh, fuck. I have to study.”

“What the hell, Y/N? Have you learned nothing?” he demanded, glaring at you.

“I haven’t,” you said and kicked the heavy blankets off of you. “Which is why I need to study. I need to prepare for the retest too.”

Riki rolled his eyes. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Yeah, well—” you began, slipping your feet in your school shoes and tying your unbound hair in a high ponytail. “Doesn’t matter.”

Getting up from the chair, he shoved his hands in the pockets of his trousers. “You might wanna eat something first.”

“I’m stocked up on instant noodles.” You brushed the stray strands away from your face and stared at him. “I’ll make some when I get back to my dorm.”

The moonlight filtering through the high windows was illuminating his face. Even with exhaustion weighing him down, he looked as good as ever.

Riki had stayed the entire time. Lectures had been suspended till the end of midterms, and judging by the empty sandwich boxes you could spy inside your bedside trash can, he hadn’t even left your side long enough to eat at the canteen tables.

You’d found him sleeping in that uncomfortable position today; there was a good chance he’d spent the previous night here too.

Hesitating a bit, you added, “You’re welcome to join me if you’d like. Haerin will be there too.”

The least you could do to thank him was invite him for a meal, albeit it wasn’t anything cooked on a stove.

“No.”

You hadn’t realised you were hoping he would say yes until he turned you down. But before the disappointment could plague you further, he continued,

“I’m not letting you eat packaged food again. Especially not when you haven’t even recovered fully. We’re going to raid the school kitchen and you’re going to eat an actual meal. I’ll even cook you something if there aren’t any leftovers from dinner to heat.”

“That’s very considerate of you, but we aren’t allowed to leave our rooms after 10,” you pointed out. “And we certainly aren’t allowed to access the kitchen.”

Riki grinned. “Then I guess it’s a good thing I can pull some strings and get us what we want.”

Your brows furrowed in confusion, but you realised what he meant not even a moment later—your school’s head chef was a close friend of his father. That had to give him some perks.

“Mr. Kim told me to not hesitate to drop by if I was hungry. I never took him up on the offer, but I guess right now is as good a time as any.”

“What if we get caught?” you asked, still not sure about his plan.

Pushing past you, Riki began walking towards the door. “I never knew you to be such a goody two shoes, Y/N.”

You scowled and jogged up to him. “I literally just invited you to my dorm despite the strict rules. Besides, not all of us have connections to get out of trouble, Nishimura.”

“I’m your connection.”

“That is not reassuring.”

“Beggars can’t be choosers.”

“Kill yourself.”

“You look cute in my blazer.”

Your heart skipped, and you immediately looked away to hide the embarrassment beginning to color your face a hot red. “Since when did you flirt with me?”

“Since October. Thanks for finally noticing.”

“You’re a horrible flirter if your idea of the word is to be a huge pain in the ass.”

He hummed, his eyes glinting with playful mischief. “It seems I have a lot to learn.”

Finally mustering the courage to look at him, you said with a small smile. “Need help?”

Riki’s answering grin was blinding and full of joy. “I thought you’d never ask.”

[polaroidloving]

kiss and cry — yang jungwon.

synopsis. At the age of 22, Yang Jungwon wants to retire. The ice, which was what he considered his second home, does not seem as welcoming as it used to be. Figure skating is no longer fun - the sport that he devoted his entire childhood to seems more of a chore, rather than a passion. He claims that this season will be his last as a competitive figure skater - that is, until he meets you, who somehow makes him fall in love with the ice (and you) again.

genre. fluff, slight angst, friends to lovers, slowburn (?), figure skating au

pairing. figure skater! jungwon x figure skater fem! reader

warnings. swearing, mentions of injury, coaching abuse and unhealthy training habits, jungwon is 22, reader is 21, and both compete for south korea. set during the 2025/2026 figure skating season. major character retirement (wait and find out)

word count. 22k

author’s note. gosh. am i surprised that the most i’ve ever written is a figure skating fic? no, not particularly. i was watching so many of yuzuru hanyu’s programs while writing this and oh god. only fanyus will understand the immense impact the beat drop into the stsq has in pyc seimei. fucking hell that’s powerful. anyways, this fic is my baby and i hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoyed writing it ^_^ here’s a playlist u can listen to while reading if you’d like and feel free to lmk what u think!

ONE. negative (goe.)

Where is home to Yang Jungwon?

Jungwon thinks that he has two.

First, he would obviously say his apartment. The plush couch, the comfort of his own bed, and sunlight peeking through the curtains in the morning – Jungwon is comfortable when he is home. 

His second home, albeit a little bit unconventional – is the ice skating rink. His blades gliding against the smooth ice, cool air hitting his face as he skates, the chatter of his training partners ringing in his ears when he’s trying to focus that he finds annoying when he’s trying to focus. 

Keep reading

[polaroidloving]

I WA.N DIIE SO BAD

a series of white lies

❝ he calls me ‘dude.’ i can’t date a guy whose term of endearment for me is the same one he uses for johnny suh. ❞

PAIRING ▸ mark lee x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ fluff, crack, high school au, best friends to lovers, childhood friends to lovers

WARNINGS ▸ profanity, underage drinking, honestly just a lot of fluff, johnny has a twin sister in this, mark drives with one hand on the steering wheel and i thought this deserved a separate warning, me fulfilling my mark lee gamer bf needs, fluffy kiss scenes, and mutual pining (but they think it’s unrequited love) ofc !!

SUMMARY ▸ in which it takes you six years to accept that you’re in love with mark lee. (it takes him one.)

PLAYLIST ▸ crush by lucian, tiffany day • falling for u by mxmtoon, peachy! • rising, rising - bassnectar remix by crywolf, bassnectar

WORD COUNT ▸ 10,514 words

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ i was very much in my mark feels so i wrote this spontaneously !! this actually feels short to me idk why but 10k in 2 days ??? im fucking crazy………. but im free. hope u guys like it <3 

YOU WERE ELEVEN YEARS OLD WHEN YOU FIRST ACKNOWLEDGED MARK LEE’S EXISTENCE.

He was Johnny Suh’s best friend—stuck at the hip since they were preschoolers. You had seen him around the house when you went to play with Johnny’s twin sister, Jia, but you never paid him any attention. At the age of eleven, you and Jia could care less about boys; you just wanted to see who could braid each other’s hair the fastest and see if you could fit into her mom’s evening gowns without her noticing. (Spoiler: you couldn’t.)

Since you lived down the street, all you had to do was walk a few minutes to get to Jia’s house. Mark, on the other hand, always rode his bike. Your mother didn’t allow you to go over on weekdays, so you practically lived at Jia’s house on the weekends. Now, though, it was summer vacation, so you could do whatever you liked. Like it was any other Saturday morning, you walked over to Jia’s in the summer heat.

Today, however, no one answered the door.

Keep reading

[polaroidloving]

synopsis: you pick up drunk bsf!hoon and take care of him

tags/warnings: fluff, friends to lovers, implied nonidol/college au, swearing, alcohol (reader is sober but hoon is super drunk), you sleep in his bed but no smut, unedited and written in half an hour, one piss pick-up line lmao

wc: 1.2k

a/n: idk what drunk people are like lol so mb if this is inaccurate also i might write a pt2 to this if people want because i feel like i ended it badly

________________________________________

it’s past midnight when your phone rings. you twist over in your chair to silence it before you realize it’s jake. you slowly slide to accept the call, but before you can ask why he’s calling at this hour, he interrupts.

“hey, y/n, can you pick up sunghoon? he’s fucking wasted,” he says, voice slightly slurred and muffled by obnoxious screaming noises and some unintelligible, over-produced rave music.

you take a deep breath and check your clock. “jake,” you sigh. “it’s one in the morning. you can’t just take him when you leave?”

he laughs in response. “nah, he wants to go right now, and i’m having fun. plus he keeps talking about you— see?” you hear a rustle as jake presumably hands the phone off to sunghoon. your brows raise at his casual statement— sunghoon’s talking about you?

your thoughts are interrupted by sunghoon’s whines. “y/nnniee, are you here yet? i’m sleepyyy,” he babbles, and you can hear the pout in his voice— it seems that even when he’s drunk out of his mind, he still has a taste for the dramatics.

“alright alright,” you grumble. “i’m on my way. send me your location.”

it doesn’t take long after you hang up for you to pull on the hoodie closest to you and grab your keys, heading to the address jake sent you.

you spot sunghoon right away when you roll up to the front of the parking lot. he’s swaying in the breeze, face flushed and eyes closed. rolling down your windows, you call out to him.

“sunghoon! i’m here.”

his eyes open, and a smile creeps across his face. he stumbles to your car, and you reach over to open the passenger door for him. he trips into the car while his smile gets even bigger, dimple popping out.

“y/nnniee, you came,” he slurs.

“of course i did,” you say, keeping your eyes forward.

you notice that even drunk, sweaty, and tired, sunghoon looks ethereal. but you swallow those thoughts down before allowing them to fester and make sure he’s properly buckled in before you start to drive. he’s completely out of it, but thankfully you’ve been to his apartment so many times you don’t need directions.

throughout the short drive, sunghoon stays quiet. when you pause at a stop light, however, he decides to open his big mouth.

“are you pee?” his lips curling into a mischievous smile.

“what?” you squint at him.

“because urine my heart,” he giggles.

your jaw drops while you blink slowly. jake is going to owe you bigtime for this

“you should not be allowed within five feet of any kind of intoxicating substance,” you reply with.

finally arriving in his apartment complex’s parking lot, you realize he’s not going to be capable of moving on his own. you drag him up from his spot in the passenger seat, and he drapes his body over your back, wrapping his arms around your waist for support and settling his head on top of yours. you ignore how domestic this all seems and the funny feeling in your stomach, and focus on getting him inside.

he drags his feet behind you, and you slowly pull him into the building and into the elevator, after you punch in the code. once you get inside and hit the button to his floor, you loosen up a bit. you can feel him relax too.

he nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck, and you can feel his soft breathing fan across your collarbone.

“comfy, sunghoon?”

he nods into your shoulder, pulling you tighter.

you finally reach his floor, and pull him to the door. you take out your copy of his key, click open the lock, and drag him inside.

he crumples on his couch immediately. “wanna… go to sleep,” he mumbles. he looks up at you with pleading eyes. “take care of me?”

oh, you were going to kill jake tomorrow. but how could you deny sunghoon’s cute request in his alcohol-induced state?

you pull him up from the couch and lead him to his bathroom. then, you wet his toothbrush and line it with toothpaste, back against the sink counter and using one hand to tap the brush to his lips. the other hand rests on the side of his face, keeping his head from flopping to the side. sunghoon leans forward, an arm on either side of you, resting on the counter. after you finish brushing his teeth for him, you lean out of the way so he can messily wash the toothpaste out of his mouth. you soothingly run a hand down his arm. “there you go, good job”.

his dimples pop out again at your remark, and you notice a touch of toothpaste on the side of his mouth that it seems he missed. you gently swipe the corner of his lip and it disappears. his smile gets bigger.

“cmon, let’s get you to bed,” you say while leading him to his bedroom. he flops down on his bed while you pull out a soft hoodie and some old shorts from his closet. you toss them down on his bed and tell him to change out of his gross clubbing clothes.

“i won’t look, don’t worry,” you leave his room to grab him some water and ibuprofen for tomorrow morning before he gets the chance to protest.

once you grab the medicine from his cupboard and a bottle of water, you head back inside sunghoon’s room. he’s sprawled across his bed, eyes closed laying on top of the covers. you place the stuff on his night table and carefully tuck him in, watching as he snuggles into the blankets. you brush his hair out of his eyes, and whisper, “goodnight, hoon”. you stand up, ready to finally head back to your place, but before you get far he grabs your wrist.

“y/n… don’t go”. his voice is so quiet that you can barely make out his words. you freeze at his words, and his grip around your wrist tightens, and he pulls you in closer.

“please stay,” he whimpers. you’re practically on top of him, with how close he’s holding you. you don’t have any other option but to stay, or at least that’s what you tell yourself.

“okay,” you murmur.

at your words, he tugs you into his bed and pulls you on top of him, and your body starts to betray you as you feel your heart begin to race.

he flips onto his side and drags you closer to him, wrapping strong arms around you.

“y/nie,” he mumbles. you feel your breath catch in your throat.

“yeah?”

“i love you, y/n.”

before you can formulate a response, he shifts forward ever-so-slightly to press a gentle kiss onto your forehead. you melt into him for a moment before pulling away.

“you’re drunk.”

you really can’t control how fast your heart is beating now. you’re sure he can feel it.

“i’m sober now, really,” and you can see his smirk even in the dark.

“i love you too, hoon. we’ll talk tomorrow, ‘kay?”

you steal another glance up at him, and see that he’s fallen asleep, the moonlight softly illuminating his features. before you get a chance to think about what’s just happened, sleep overtakes you as well.

[polaroidloving]

mistake | psh

pairing: sunghoon x female reader

warnings: angst, one-sided love (sorry lol), cliffhanger(?), she fell first but he fell harder trope

word count: 4,503

a/n: happy birthday to my man lmao ahem, it was supposed to be a happy story I PROMISE but then joji and niki came on the playlist and it became emo af lmao sorry!

Synopsis: You loved too early and Sunghoon loved too late.

You were eight when you declared your marriage to Park Sunghoon. The young boy didn’t like it as he found you loud, obnoxious, and gross. Girls were covered in cooties and his best friends, Jay and Jake, teased him all about it when they saw you kiss Sunghoon on the cheek. 

“Yuck!” He wiped his cheek and shoved you harshly. “Leave me alone!”

“Never!” You shake your head, not getting the hint.

Keep reading

[polaroidloving]

unfamiliar warmth. | season one

PAIRING ▸ bad boy! heeseung x reader

GENRE ▸ college! au, s2ls?, romance, angst, fluff, humor

WORD COUNT ▸ 6.5k

SUMMARY ▸ you’ve heard all sorts of rumors about the campus’s resident “bad boy” and his group of friends, but an accidental encounter with lee heeseung himself leads you to believe otherwise. 

AKA a bad rendition of the “i hate everyone but you” trope. 

NOTES ▸a very happy happy late birthday to heedeeung! 🥳🥳🎉parties, alcoholic consumption, mentions of kissing, drugs and smoking, slight injuries, i think that’s it?? // aaaaa here is the first “season” out of seven ;)

PLAYING ▸ different by woodz. | series masterlist.

“PARTIES ARE NOT OVERRATED.” 

Yuna rolls her eyes, bobbing her head to the booming music while you sigh. It’s not like you could hear her well over all the noise and commotion. You found your spot on the couch to be perfectly comfortable- minus the couple making out about a foot from you. 

You don’t know why you came, why you made an effort to look nice for no one, not a single person in mind or sight.

“I’m going to get a drink,” you yell at yuna even when you know she can’t hear you. You silently get up and make your way past countless sweaty bodies to the kitchen. You spot a couple of familiar faces, meaning people you’ve recognize from your school that have probably never batted a single eye at you. 

You grab a new can of soda (boring, you know) and decide to get some fresh air. Whoever hosted this party, their house was huge. That meant you had absolutely no idea where you were going. But hey, when did that ever matter? 

The flashing lights as you walk down some random hallway make you feel dizzy. You stumble along until you find a door. With no one else around, you think you’ve hit the jackpot. Twisting the knob, you’re greeted by the fresh air. Jackpot, indeed. 

You’re not surprised that random doors open up to balconies in a house like this. But what you didn’t expect was someone already leaning over the edge, back facing you. 

You freeze, and they turn around. Okay, so maybe you were wrong earlier. 

Lee Heeseung’s cocked eyebrow greets you and you suddenly get flashbacks. It’s same face that somehow obtained the reputation as your school’s “bad boy,” the same one that could never escape the worst rumors along with his group of friends. Drugs, smoking, illegal activities, whatever you named Lee Heeseung and his group were most likely mixed up in rumors involving it. 

You never had any face to face encounters with the handsome boy until today, none at school and you wonder if it’s because he barely showed up or you didn’t pay close enough attention. But here in person, you could attest to the general public’s opinion about him- at least appearance wise. Styled black hair falling into his eyes, multiple ear piercings, and that iconic leather jacket. 

Lee Heeseung was the epitome of the bad boy stereotype. 

You swallow, hand already reaching back for the handle. “Sorry, I didn’t know someone else was already out here.” 

But what you didn’t expect was the quiet chuckle that escapes his lips. He looks out into the dark night and your eyes follow his action. 

“Is there a rule saying only one person’s allowed on the balcony at a time?”

You blink. What?

His eyes flick back to you and you stand a bit straighter. “Um, not that I know of?” 

This time, Heeseung laughs louder and you feel your guard lowering a little. He moves to give you a bit more space and you contemplate before gladly taking it. 

For a couple of seconds, you enjoy the silence and peace, along with the sight of the bright moon. 

“Never thought I’d see you here,” he suddenly speaks up and you jump slightly at the sound of his voice. You’re still not used it. In your surprise, you miss the way the corner of his mouth quirks up at your reaction. 

“You know who I am?”

Heeseung shrugs, “I think I’ve seen you walking around campus before. Don’t get your hopes up.” 

At that you scoff, “I can assure you, I certainly wasn’t.” The amused look on his face makes you wonder if he thought you were some sort of game. Then you frown, “But what do you mean by that? That you didn’t expect to see me here?” 

He shifts and the metal belt on his jacket clangs badly against the balcony railing. “I don’t like to judge by appearances but since you’re always in a rush, looking distracted or busy, it seemed like you didn’t care for parties.”  

Your eyes widen. Lee Heeseung was much more observant than you thought. “Well,” you’re inclined to say after some time thinking, “you aren’t wrong about that.” 

He nods silently and you gesture out with your hands, “That’s why I’m here. What about you?”

You don’t know what compelled you to ask him, let alone stay in this space with him, but continuing the conversation- in this atmosphere- just felt right. Maybe your friends would kill you if they found out you talked to Heeseung, but you couldn’t care in the moment. 

“Same,” he replies softly. As to what, you have no clue but don’t take the time to ask for clarification. He catches the can in your hand and smiles. “No alcohol either?” 

You glance at him, again surprised to hear him talk again. He’s only someone you’ve ever heard about, and being next to him in person was certainly a different experience. “Nah. I know everything else is probably spiked anyway.” 

“That’s why I rarely drink at parties like these.” 

A part of you wants to ask why he even came to ‘parties like these’ but the first thing that blurts out of your mouth is-

“Lee Heeseung passed on drinking?” Immediately you cup a hand over your mouth so that Heeseung is only able to see your two wide eyes peeking back at him. 

He smirks and you swallow, “So you do know my name.” 

You splutter and he laughs. You contemplate apologizing for the rude outburst, especially since he was a stranger, but then decide against it at his relaxed posture. Nice to know he wasn’t offended. 

“You know, you haven’t tried to run away the moment you saw me. Or hookup with me. Or get out pepper spray and threaten me with it.” 

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?” You muse and he laughs again, reaching out to ruffle your hair. You make a sound of protest and glare at him. “For your information, I do have pepper spray and would gladly take it out right now.” 

Heeseung leans in closer and suddenly, your body refuses to move. “Really?” His husky voice sends shivers down your spine. 

Seeing his face up close, you realize how pretty he is. Before either of you can do anything, you feel your phone buzz in your pocket. 

Spell broken (and moment ruined), you see four missed calls from yuna and ryujin. “Shoot, I gotta go,” you murmur aloud to no one in particular. 

Well, maybe Heeseung. He watches you with curious eyes as you fumble about with your phone. You turn to the door, reaching for the handle, before you get interrupted. 

“Hey,” Heeseung calls out. You stop and look back towards him with a curious look. 

“I never got your name.” 

You suppress a smile, keeping an unreadable expression on your face. “Maybe you’ll have to wait until the next party to find out.” With that, you head back inside, heart pounding a little too fast for comfort. 

“You talked to Lee Heeseung? And held a conversation that lasted more than two words- hi, goodbye? Y/n, you-“

At first, you wanted to keep your encounter with Lee Heeseung a secret. But knowing your nosy friends who wanted to know where you disappeared off to at the party, the secret was bound to come out. Excluding the weird flirting on his account- if you could even consider that flirting. You didn’t know Heeseung personally, maybe his personality was just like that as some people naturally were. And seeing as how he acted nothing according to what his reputation seemed like and what you’ve heard, you couldn’t keep any judgments right off the bat. 

You hold up a hand in exasperation to stop Chaeryeong. “I know what you’re going to say. But hear me out, he���s nothing like what people say.” 

Ryujin raises an eyebrow, “Are you sure about that y/n? A bunch of girls have talked about how he’ll just glare at them. And ignore them for like, no reason. Even I know from first hand experience that his poker face is no joke.” 

You shake your head, “No one would do that for no reason. Those attention seeking girls probably did something that ignited that reaction from him.” 

Yuna gasps, “You’re kidding me. Our Y/n defending the notorious bad boy?”

You roll your eyes, “Who said anything about me doing that? I just think we shouldn’t assume anything from rumors and gossip.” 

Ryujin shoots you a look, “Whatever you say, y/n. Just be careful.” 

“Of course. What do you think is gonna happen?”

You don’t know what was worse- getting your hopes up or having hopes to begin with. You tried to not make it obvious you were looking for a certain someone, but that plan ultimately failed. 

“Y/n? Are you good? You keep looking around distracted, like you’re expecting someone.” 

You shake your head wearily, “No, sorry yuna.”

Chaeryeong suddenly gasps and her head whips toward you with an accusatory stare. “Don’t tell me you’re looking for-“

You practically leap over the table to slap your hand over her lips, effectively muffling her next words. You mutter into her ear and her face pales before she nods. Then you let go of Chaeryeong with an easy smile and the others clear their throats. 

“I’m gonna use the restroom,” you excuse yourself as your friends exchange looks. 

You step past people left and right, looking for the nearest restroom. And maybe another person. 

“Well, if it isn’t pretty in the flesh.” 

Your head whips around to find Heeseung leaning up against the wall like in those cliche movies. 

“H-heeseung.” 

“Looking for me? Could it be that you missed me that much?” 

You cross your arms with a scowl, “You wish.” 

He chuckles, pushing off the wall to meet you halfway. “Maybe I did, but it’s okay. Me too.”

Your face heats up at that and you avoid his gaze. His smile grows at that and you glance around nervously. “What are you doing here?”

Even you knew how utterly stupid of a question that was. Just being around him made your brain all fuzzy. 

He pretends to think, the heel of his boot tapping against the hardwood floor. “I dunno, someone promised me a name last time so I figured I needed to see them again.” 

You laugh for the first time in front of him and he visibly brightens up at the sight. 

“Do you wanna get out of here?”

You grin, “I thought you’d never ask.” 

Lee Heeseung, someone you’ve barely met over a week ago and had a grand total of one full conversation together, was essentially a stranger. Yet you couldn’t help but feel comforted by his presence. He was different, he didn’t give off those “bad boy” vibes as much as you would’ve expected. 

“I am in no way surprised that you have a motorcycle.” 

He smirks again and you watch silently as he puts on one of the helmets. Heeseung offers you the other and you hesitate. 

He must see the wary look in your eyes because he reaches for one of your hands, grip unexpectedly warm and soft. “You can trust me, I’m not a bad driver.”

You stare at him skeptically but end up taking the helmet. “I don’t trust you.” 

“Hey, I haven’t died yet.” 

“What a comforting thing to know,” you respond dryly and Heeseung huffs. Your jaw almost drops at the reaction. Tough guy Heeseung acting like a little kid? That was an once in lifetime sight and you think you could get paid a fat stack if you videoed that moment. 

Just to make sure, you pat your pocket to double check that your phone was still there. In case you had to call your friends for help. Again, Heeseung was still just a stranger that you knew. 

A stranger that you were leaving a party with. You thought you trusted him but still, you feel your stomach churn. You stop trying to fit the helmet on. What if this was all just a ruse? 

A ruse for Heeseung to take you away? Do something worse? 

You just met this guy, you knew practically nothing about him. All your doubts and insecurities rise up, What if he-

A voice breaks you out of your stupor. “Are you okay?” His concerned gaze comes into view. 

You cough, readjusting to move his hand off yours. “Yeah, sorry. Just felt sick for a second. Maybe I should go back in-“

Frowning, Heeseung puts his hands on your shoulders. You stiffen, suddenly hating the way you’re unable to control how your body reacts to him. 

“Is it serious? Do you need to go to a hospital?” 

Abruptly, you shake your head, “No, I think I just need to get inside. To my friends.”

He puts a hand on your forehead for a brief moment. You can’t move. 

“You don’t have a fever,” he murmurs. “Are you sure you want to go back in?” He cocks his eyebrow but the feeling you get is much different from the last time you saw him do that. 

“The music’s loud and there are a lot of people. I can drive you to the hospital or home, I don’t mind.” 

Internally, you curse. Now you’re feel conflicted, wondering if he was still acting or not- if he was pretending to care about you.  

If so, he was doing a great job at it. 

You sigh, shaking your head. Too late now. “It’s okay. I just want to see my friends.”

“Alright,” he says softly, “I’ll take you back in.” 

You wonder if this was a mistake. The mistake of talking to Heeseung in the first place or going back to your friends and the party, you’re not sure which one. 

Better safe than sorry, you continue to remind yourself. 

His hand stays on your back as if to steady you back into the house, his warm touch lingering in the back of your mind. Your friends seem surprised to see you, especially at the sight behind you. Or rather, the person behind you. 

“Y/n?” Ryujin gets up, grabbing your arm. “What’s going on?”

“She said she was feeling sick and wanted to see you guys. I just took her back.” The sudden blank expression on his face catches you off guard. 

Heeseung turns to you and his face morphs into a much kinder one, “Hope you feel better. Can I see your phone?” 

Utterly confused, you take it out as your friends watch, dumbfounded. 

He types something quickly before returning it to you. “If you need something, just call me. I don’t usually give it out but here’s my number. See you later, pretty.” 

You’re sure your mouth is hanging open, and so is your friends. Slowly, you look at them and you know you’re screwed seeing their “you better explain everything” faces. 

Needless to say, you stay up that night. Thinking of Heeseung. His troubled gaze, delicate touch. The fact that you thought he was some creep and he kinda sorta ended up being anything but that. 

The fact that his number was entered into your phone but you didn’t make the effort to contact him left you turning and tossing in bed. Was he waiting for you? 

Or should you wait for him to do something first?  

The more you thought about it, the more you realized the truth. If he really wanted to, he could’ve taken advantage of you at any point. At the last party or a couple hours ago- you were alone with him both times. 

Your friends were utterly shocked at the way he treated you. And it’s not like they trusted him still, but they got to see a different side of him. A different side- you didn’t want to admit it- that you wanted to see more of. 

And even though they warned you, maybe a part of you wanted to not listen. You wanted to dive deeper into the mystery that was Lee Heeseung. 

Most of your time was spent studying, or doing work, or relaxing during the rare free time you had. 

No wonder Heeseung said you always looked serious. It’s because you were. Everything you did was for a better future. All your efforts were made to have them pay off later in life. 

Parties were just an afterthought- if you had free time and your friends asked you to come. You didn’t go because you enjoyed it. Or at least, that’s what you believed. 

Until you met Heeseung. 

Maybe you tried a little harder with your appearance for the next party you went to. Maybe you pretended you didn’t care anymore but your eyes would subconsciously study each room that you entered. 

“Y/n, come dance with us!” 

You shake your head with a smile, “I’m good. You guys have fun.” 

That’s how it usually went. Your friends would offer a couple times before giving up and leaving you alone. And that’s what you were used to- what you enjoyed. Or maybe, didn’t enjoy. 

Just like last time, you find an empty couch to sit on. One of your secret hobbies was people watching. You soon realized you learned a lot more by just watching on the sidelines. But unlike all the previous times, you feel the couch dip beneath you- an extra addition of weight. 

“Feeling better?” 

It had been a week since you last saw him, and nothing changed. The way your heart rate subconsciously began to pick up, your hands turn sweaty, it was all the same. 

“Hi,” you breathe apprehensively. 

Heeseung sits on the other edge of the couch, watching you with a small smile. 

“Sorry about last week,” you fiddle with your fingers. He chuckles and you glance up at him, “Why are you apologizing? As long as you’re okay now, that’s all that matters.” 

“What’s with the cheesiness,” you mumble and he can’t hide his grin. 

“Thanks though,” you bite your bottom lip, “for taking care of me.” 

“No problem.” 

Without realizing it, the space between you two on the couch becomes a little smaller. You inhale, “Can I tell you something? Honestly?”

He shifts, “Of course.” 

“Last week,” you look at the ground, “I wasn’t actually sick. I just got scared that I didn’t know your intentions and backed out. Are you… are you mad that I lied?”

His face turns from a shocked one into an amused one. Heeseung reaches out and tucks a piece of stray hair behind your ear. This time, you’re the shocked one. 

“You know,” he starts and you bob your head. 

“Yeah?”

“Not really. I understand since we just met and all. But I do think I deserve something. You know, since you never texted me.”

That’s true, you fell asleep and forgot to message him. And the day after that, and the day after that. Maybe you were too busy to text until it felt like it was too late (and too awkward) to send him a message. You tilt your head, waiting eagerly for his response. 

“Tell me your name. Or, don’t. Either way I’ll find out in the end.” 

You almost scoff at his smoothness. Maybe Heeseung’s playboy side was coming out.“You want to know that bad?” 

He nods with a smirk and you shake your head, speechless. 

“Fine. It’s y/n. Happy?” 

“And your last name?” You roll your eyes, even with a stupid grin on your face. 

“Y/l/n. Y/n y/l/n.” 

“Thank you. Now, can I ask you something too? Honestly?” 

You shrug, “Go for it.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Your eyes widen. Bold- and he asked for consent- another thing noted that you check off your imaginary list that came out of nowhere. With that, instead of replying, you take a deep breath and close your eyes. 

When you peek them open, just the tiniest bit, Heeseung’s face is much closer and your breath hitches. 

The only thing you could feel was him. It felt like it was only the two of you in the room. You couldn’t think of anything else. Your mind was blank as his lips moved over yours. 

He pulls back and your eyes flutter open. He gives you another smile and you look away, embarrassed. 

“Aw. You liked it that much?” 

You tell him to shut up and he laughs, patting your head. You check the time in your phone. “It’s late. Maybe I should get home.”  

“Do you need a ride?” His eyes twinkle mischievously and you hum. 

“Maybe. Let me just tell my friends that I’m going.” 

This time, Heeseung helps you put on the helmet. He tightens the straps softly, fingertips tickling your chin. Your arms wrap around him securely as the wind blows past you, feeling like if you were flying as Heeseung drives you home. 

Even more so when he kisses your forehead and tells you goodnight in that sickeningly sweet voice of his. 

You could care less about the rumors surrounding you. 

Sure, people saw you with him. What difference did it make? The fact that everyone called him a bad boy when in reality, he treated you like you were his most precious treasure. 

You reassured your friends that you were fine, to have some trust in you. 

Although you barely saw Heeseung outside of parties, the way he acted when he was with you was all that mattered. 

Maybe he gave you his jacket to wear when he was cold, maybe the scent of his cologne invaded your dreams. And maybe, just maybe, he was constantly on your mind. 

At most parties, he showed up without fail. You don’t know how, but you always managed to find each other. 

But so far, it had been an hour and there was no Heeseung in sight. Your mood was a little (or a lot) gloomier than normal. You wondered if he was busy, or if he got hurt, or-

“Would you like a drink?”

The nasty red cup is held to you with some foreign liquid inside and your gut shrivels up in disgust. 

“No thanks,” you barely spare a glance at the random guy who offered the cup to you. 

“It’s good, I promise! They’re handing out more in the kitchen if you want to go with me-“

“I’m fine,” you state firmly. Still, he continues to press and you’re just about to knock the stupid drink out of his hands when you feel a presence slide in behind you. 

“They said they weren’t interested. Didn’t you hear them the first time?” 

Shivers are sent down your spine at his cold tone. You see Heeseung and observe his stare. Dark and threatening- there was something in his eyes that he’s never looked at you with before. He looked…

Scary? 

You softly call out his name and his demeanor changes instantly as he takes your hand in his, “Sorry I’m late. Wanna go somewhere quieter?” 

His hand doesn’t let go, even when you’ve found an empty room that isn’t occupied by obnoxious couples to stay in for the time being. You contemplate if you and Heeseung seemed that way too, eyes drifting to your intertwined hands. 

At first, it’s silent. There are so many questions you want to ask, but you refrain from spilling all of them out. 

“I know it’s random but, are those rumors true? Like the one about you and your friends being in a gang, or you escaping from jail?” You ask quietly. 

His face shows it all. Where did this suddenly come from?

“What do you think, y/n?” 

You swallow, “That’s the thing. I really don’t know. You don’t seem like the type?”

He laughs. “Then you’re right- mostly.” His face takes on a foreign look, gaze faraway. “Sometimes rumors aren’t all baseless, you know.” 

At that, you don’t know what to do but nod. He squeezes your hand and you look at him. Suddenly, his eyes turn serious and he watches you with his dark orbs. 

“I won’t lie to you, y/n. I’m no angel sent from heaven. But that doesn’t mean we’re bad people, me and my friends. I think we’re just misunderstood. We’re misunderstood in the worst circumstances possible.” 

You stay silent. “Okay,” you finally say after a while, “I believe you.” 

His tongue pokes the inside of his cheek, “You think I would lie?”

“No,” you state decisively, “I’m just like this because you were late and I was waiting for you.” 

His nose scrunches up in amusement and you resist the urge to kiss it. “I apologize, I got caught up in stuff.” 

“Your secret tough guy stuff?” 

He pokes your cheek softly, eyes brimming with mirth. “Yeah. Tough guy stuff.” 

“Are you and Heeseung like, dating? You’re always leave us to go off with him at parties,” Yuna pouts. 

You shake your head, about to explain as Chaeryeong sends you a look. “You’re not doing illegal stuff with him, are you?”

“Chaeryeong!” Yeji scolds. You groan. 

“No. I already said I wasn’t. I promised you guys that I would never get into stuff like that.” 

“We know, y/n. We trust you. We’re just worried with all the talk going around,” Yeji reassures you. 

You appreciated that your friends were looking out for you, but sometimes they just made it worse. 

“Are you dating?” 

It was always that question. The same one that had been floating around for quite a while, actually. You didn’t realize it but some time had passed since you first met Lee Heeseung.  

Every party, you were with him. Sometimes you kissed. Sometimes, you acted like you were more than friends. 

Sometimes, you felt like it too. 

But it was only during those parties, that feeling was only saved for those occasions. Heeseung never once brought it up. Neither did you.

You saw each other around once a week or less than that, only with the comfort of the dark night and brain rattling music blasting from another room. 

You barely knew anything about Lee Heeseung, yet you were attracted to him. You didn’t know what his major was, where he grew up, or what kind of music he listened to. 

Yet you knew that he had a nice singing voice, that he took care of his motorcycle like it was his precious baby, and that he was the most caring person you’ve ever met. 

It’s like Heeseung and you were from two different worlds, but that border dissolved the moment you found him in the sea of people, under the flashing lights.  

For the first time since you met Heeseung, you can say he stood you up. Well, not exactly, but he never showed up.

You were worried. He would always show up in the end, but it was past 2am and still no sign of him. You called several times but to no avail, it went to voicemail. You grew to hate the robotic voice that apologized to you and told you to leave a message. You walk out the door dejectedly, alone because your friends left earlier and you waited behind to look for Heeseung.

You barely make it five seconds down the sidewalk, walking home because your place was nearby, when a hand grabs yours from behind. 

A silent scream half escapes your mouth, muffled by a hand. Adrenaline pulses through your veins- 

“Y/n. It’s me.” 

The familiar voice makes you exhale in utter relief. Heeseung removes his hand and you glare at him. 

“Why in the world would you scare me like that and not give any heads up?! Where were you? I called like-“

“I’m sorry,” he says softly, gaze sincere under the streetlights. You still punch him, and he winces. 

You didn’t think he was that weak, but-

“Oh my god.” Taking a closer glance, you can see the cuts and bruises on his face. 

“Heeseung, what happened?” 

He chuckles painfully, “Tough guy stuff?” 

“Stop moving,” you mutter under your breath as you dab at the cut. You had no choice but to bring Heeseung to your place since it was nearby and he was in no condition to go anywhere else. 

“It hurts,” he grumbles childishly and once you shoot him another glare, he shuts up. 

“Maybe if you weren’t being an idiot, you wouldn’t be in this situation.” 

“I apologized already, why are you still mad at me?” He pouts and you sigh, screwing the cap back on the medicine. 

“I’m not.”

“You are.” 

“I’m not.” 

“You are, because you won’t look at me.” 

His hand softly reaches for your face, tilting your chin to face him. You hate how easily he can read you. His dark eyes bore into you, and you sigh again. 

“What happened to you?” You whisper, “What kind of situation were you in to get hurt like this?“ 

Rather than answer you, Heeseung kisses you. You being you can’t resist, not able to find it in you to reject him. You allow him four more seconds, five, before breaking it. 

You place a hand on his cheek. “Please, Heeseung. You can tell me.” 

He leans in again and you pull back, disappointed. A few more seconds and you give up. You’re not sure why your heart hurts. 

His eyes widen, probably since this was the first time you denied a kiss of his. 

“I’m done. You can sleep on the couch tonight. It’s late, so goodnight...” 

Disappointment fills you as you leave him alone and shut the door to your room behind you. Perhaps it’s because he didn’t say anything, go after you, make any effort to fight back. 

The next morning, you’re not surprised to find your place empty, blanket and pillow folded neatly and placed to the side. 

A week goes by, and then two. You tell your friends that you’re tired and don’t want to go out. But that can’t last forever. Almost a month after Heeseung stayed the night at your place, you finally go out. 

Perhaps for the first time in a long time, you get drunk. Your friends were worried to see you like that, but no matter what they did, you wouldn’t tell them what happened. 

But what they do know is that you don’t go off to find Heeseung. They notice his absence. You get so drunk that Yuna is forced to drag you home as you mumble pitifully to yourself. To others it’s incomprehensible, but to you, it’s all your confusion and sadness. 

You don’t know what happened. You thought you and Heeseung were close- that you built a connection, which included trust. You thought you trusted him and he trusted you. So why was there still a wall? Why was he pulling back? 

You wanted to give your all to him. You wanted to be with him. 

You know you wanted him. 

Exam season comes and officially you’ve stopped going to parties for the rest of the semester. 

Your stress was at its peak and randomly being approached by one of your classmates when you just wanted to go home and jump into your comfy bed was not what you expected. 

“Beomgyu?” You glance at him questioningly. Although he was one of your classmates and someone you studied with in a group, he wasn’t really someone you saw outside of class. 

“Hey, y/n,” he smiles boyishly and you squint. 

“Yes? Is there something you wanted?”  

From what seems like out of nowhere, Beomgyu pulls out a card. He gives it to you and you stare at it. 

“You can open it,” he gestures awkwardly. 

Written inside was a pretty long note and more shockingly, his number? Your eyes widen as you continue reading. You don’t even bother getting to the end before looking up. 

You give him an uneasy smile, “I’m flattered, but Beomgyu, I’m not-“

You’re cut off. 

“Shoot, I’m sorry, I gotta go. I hope we can meet soon y/n,” he says sheepishly before running off. 

You stand there, unmoving with the card in one hand. Your eyes flick to a nearby trash can. 

Should you throw it away? Is that too mean? 

Unbeknownst to you, Heeseung watches from a distance. The bouquet in his hands hangs down heavily. 

After exams are over, you slowly start attending more parties. Partially to relieve your stress with your friends and partially for another reason. 

But he’s never there anymore. No matter how much you search, Heeseung was gone. You haven’t seen his face in at least two months. 

You wonder what you did. Was it because of what happened at your place? Did you go too far by rejecting him? Not contacting him?

It gets to the point that you’re desperate. Really desperate to the point that when you recognize one of his friends sitting alone on one of the campus benches, you approach the guy. 

He eyes you warily, you’re sure that he doesn’t recognize you. Whether or not it makes you happy that Heeseung kept you a secret from his friends, you don’t know. 

“Hi- uh, are you perhaps Heeseung’s friend- Jay?” 

The guy sits up. “Yeah. What do you want from him? If you’re looking for his number then he’s not interested.“ he adds. 

“No,” you shake your head. “You’ve got it all wrong. Actually, I’m also his friend and well, do you know where he lives?”

He squints. “You? Heeseung’s friend?”

“Y-yeah. We met at a party and he mentioned you before- I think-“

Jay’s eyes widen. “You’re y/n.” 

So he has talked about you to them before. 

You know Heeseung treasures his friends. The way he spoke about them- you saw a certain gleam in his eyes that you never saw before. That’s why you figured this was the best way to find him. 

You clasp your hands together, “Please. I really need to see him.” 

Jay clicks his tongue, “I guess you do, since you’re the reason he’s acting like this.”

“What? Like what?” 

He ignores you, shaking his head in distaste. “Yeah, I’ll give you his address. He should be at home now. Give me your phone.”

After contemplating for a solid hour, you give into temptation and follow the address to Heeseung’s place. You stand nervously in front of his door, shaking your hands as if it would get rid of the anxiety. 

You knock once, twice. 

A minute passes. You seriously contemplate running away. 

Then the door swings open.

Heeseung stands there in a hoodie and sweatpants, the first time you’ve seen him wear something that wasn’t his infamous black leather jacket. 

“Y/n?” 

You give him a halfhearted smile. “Can we talk?”

He lets you in, and you’re left to observe his living space. It’s cleaner than you expected, and plainer than you expected. 

But one thing seems out of place- an arrangement of flowers in a vase on his countertop. It seemed like the only colorful thing he had in his home. 

“How did you get here?”

You take a seat on his couch, looking around nervously. “I asked one of your friends… he told me where you lived.”

“Oh,” Heeseung says, strangely quiet. You can’t stand it. 

“Heeseung?” You start off calmly, “why haven’t you been at any parties recently? Is it because of what I said last time? If so, I’m sorry that-“

“Y/n,” he interrupts you and you bite your tongue. “Really, why are you here? Why did you come find me?”

You furrow your eyebrows, “I came for answers. Is that what you wanted me to say?” He avoids your gaze like he was expecting you to say that and you scoff. 

“Fine. I don’t know why I came! I don’t know anything. How am I supposed to answer you when we don’t even have an answer?” You stop to take a deep breath, defeating silence filling your ears. 

“What are we? What are we supposed to be, Heeseung?” You whisper. 

Heeseung rubs a hand over his face in frustration. You look away, stomach feeling like lead. 

“I’m sorry, y/n,” he starts off. “I’m sorry that things are like this. That I’m like this. Maybe if- maybe if it didn’t feel like we were so apart, we could be different. I’m sorry that it feels like we’re living in different worlds.” He looks up at you and you see the pain hidden in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry that we’re so different.” 

Heeseung sees it. He sees how happy you look in public with your friends. He’s always seen you, regardless if you saw him back or not. He always wondered if you would be the same way with him. If Lee Heeseung with all his flaws and scars, was next to you- the hardworking, kind and passionate you. The you who wasn’t scared of him the first time you met, who didn’t listen to baseless rumors and treat him like an outsider. 

The same you who smiled with your whole soul and that made him fall in love with you while breaking his heart at the same time. 

He sees you without him, and your world on the opposite side. He wonders if your two worlds could ever mix. What other people would say or think about you just because of him. He realized that he couldn’t handle that- not for you. When others think he’s such a stone cold guy who never cares but in reality, he’s cares too much. 

He’s the weakest one. And with that comes the realization that he could never have you.  No matter how much he wanted, needed you. 

You’re just too different, and that one fact is enough to keep him away. 

His words echo in your head.

Are you actually that different? Or is he just being a coward? 

And you as well? For not wanting to fight, for actually believing him when he says that?  

You get up and take your leave- heart, soul, and world especially feeling cracked. 

Heesung’s head hangs between his arms, and if the pain of seeing you leave him was bad, the fact that he didn’t try harder to get to you was even worse. 

A ring at your doorbell makes you groan as you roll out of bed. It’s been a while since you’ve gone outside, your friends’ countless attempts to cheer you up and get you out of the house were futile. As you get up you pass by Beomgyu’s card which lies on your desk, forgotten from the day you planned to but didn’t throw out. 

You open the door and your heart stops. There’s no one there. 

You look down, reaching and picking up a familiar bouquet of flowers. A sad smile makes its way in your face as your fingers graze the flowers. 

Maybe this is a sign. 

You sigh, returning inside and taking your phone out to type the numbers. 

Your finger presses the call button. 

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send an ask/dm to be added to the ‘play it to my melody’ taglist!

[polaroidloving]

oh im hurt.

month of may — lee heeseung. fake dating. unrequited love. fluff and angst. best friends to ?

synopsis. you don’t think you’d ever want to go back to the month of may; the month lee heeseung asks you to pretend to be his girlfriend (2.6k words)

note. no warnings for this one :) just a little angsty i hope u enjoy this it’s inspired by the song “buwan ng mayo” oh n thank u to my bff yun for beta reading this <3

It takes seven seconds for Lee Heeseung to ruin years-worth of hiding your feelings.

“Do you think you could pretend to be my girlfriend for the month of May?”, he asks you this as the pair of you walk home together after a long day of classes, just like you always do.

The question leaves you with your eyes wide and mouth agape, feet glued to the ground. It had come out so easily from him, as if he was simply asking you what you had eaten for dinner. He laughs at your obviously confused gaze, halting his own steps so he could patiently wait for your answer.

“Excuse me?” You blink up at the boy, tilting your head. He simply repeats his question – “Could you pretend to be my girlfriend for the month of May?”

“I know, I heard you, but… why?”

Heeseung laughs quietly to himself, shuffling his feet in place out of nervousness before he lets his eyes rest on yours. “You remember Yujin, right?”

You nod your head.

Of course you remember Yujin.

Before it was _____ and Heeseung, it had been _____, Heeseung, and Yujin. The three of you had lived in the same neighborhood a few years back, the common factor that had led to your uncanny friendship.

Growing up together was a funny thing, and somewhere along the lines, Heeseung had fallen in love with Yujin, and you found yourself at your first crossroad. How could you be in love with someone while trying to set them up with your other best friend?

For a few years, it was like thin ice. You thread along your friendship lightly and carefully, trying not to shatter the walls you had built. But you survived. The three of you survived with Heeseung helplessly in love with Yujin, and you with Heeseung. You survived without recklessly telling Heeseung how you felt, without losing your friends.

Hiding the way you felt became second-nature to you.

Keep reading

[polaroidloving]

CUPID’S LAW | NEVER FALL IN LOVE

PAIRING › Play boy! Heeseung x fem! reader

SYNOPSIS › After a bland highschool experience, you immediately gravitate to your university’s most outrageous matchmaking club, “The Cupid Club.” Your job was simple: to collect information on your client’s love interest and then pair them together. After two years on your “job,” everything became less horrific and getting couples together almost seemed like a natural occurrence. That is until you’re tasked to collect information on Lee Heeseung, the infamous rugby captain who is coincidently known as the biggest player on campus.

GENRE› college au, angst (I said it was major angst in the preview, but after writing it, I realized that it’s not actually that sad), consultant! reader x rugby captain! Heeseung, heartbreak, crack, fluff

WARNING(S) › swearing, heavy drinking, mentions of sex

WORDCOUNT › 18.4k (I apologize beforehand)

NOTES › This is my entry for @jungwoniics ’ “just out of reach” collab

Love was an unexplained phenomenon that entwined souls together. It was an experience of rather difficult trifles which blossomed into ultimate bliss. To be with someone you found truly admirable and to lead a life with them for as many years as they lasted was society’s idea of a dream come true. Love seemed to be something like a goal to people, while to others, it was rather a burden. To you, it was a lackluster ordeal filled with complications and hurdles — an experience you didn’t want to indulge in.

You hated when September strolled along. Every autumn leaf gracefully leaving the comfort of the branches to experience the harsh winter chills yet again this cycle. It was similar to all the young adults who traveled distances away from the warmth of their homes to lead a rather dreadful college life.

The giddy freshmen were always entertaining to watch. The yearning they all had to start fresh, lead a new life, to grow, and become a part of society.

That is what college was

A greater look into society.

Keep reading

[polaroidloving]

a taste of something new — soobin x f!reader

50. say you love me — WC: 9k LMAO I'M SORRY

A/N: and here we are, the final chapter! well not really bc we'll still get a lil epilogue soon but technically yes this is the final chapter. thank you to everyone who has read this story, especially those who left comments, sent asks about it, reblogged the chapters, interacted in any way. i'm sorry for not replying to every single comment, but just know i've read all of them and i can guarantee you that all of them made me smile a LOT. you have no idea how much that motivates us writers! i'm feeling a little sad bc this is the first time a series of mine reaches the end, but i'm also extremely grateful for the number of people who took interest in this story bc honestly i thought it would flop 😭 but it didn't!!! so ye. this chapter is far from perfect, and i know it's long as FUCK, but i gave it my best and i actually kinda like it so i hope you like it 🥰 ok now let's goooo

WARNINGS: swearing, mentions of sex, some nervousness and hints of anxiety, dual pov bc i couldn't pick only one pov to focus on lmao, obviously there will be kissing, tumblr is breaking the part where i put the lyrics i'm sorry idk why some parts refuse to stay italicized, the word "stupid" is used 17 times and i think that's beautiful tbh this is what real romance looks like

playlist here | ko-fi | taglist on the reblogs

← chapter forty-nine | masterlist | bonus chapter (50.5) →

Soobin knows his friends and yours all seem to collectively agree that he fucked up, and honestly, he won't deny that. He shouldn't have just let you talk and talk and talk just to leave you hanging while he stared at you in total silence in the end. That definitely was a dick move on his behalf, but it wasn't intentional; he simply didn't know what to do. He was just panicking inside.

How was he supposed to take all of that? How was he supposed to understand that you could find a way to actually like him? He was already planning on confessing, but he didn't actually expect to hear you say all of that, especially so out of the blue.

It gets him thinking about worst-case scenarios, because well, that's how his brain works. What if you end up getting tired of him? Would you break things off nicely? Or would you just run off and do what his ex did behind his back? 

He knows he shouldn't be so scared of everything, especially of you. And he knows he shouldn't be associating any of your qualities with the ones Jiwon had. It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to himself. The problem is that she was the complete opposite of him, and so are you, but being an extroverted social butterfly who enjoys parties and is not afraid of doing whatever they want is not enough to put anyone in the same category as her. The similarities you share are extremely superficial, it's ridiculous that his brain would even do that association. He can't control it, but he's trying to fight it.

Sure, the fact that you got into this fake relationship with him specifically because you couldn't maintain a relationship and wanted to prove your friends wrong when, in fact, they weren't, was something that terrified him from the moment he realized he had feelings for you blooming in his heart. But you going out of your way to tell him you want him should be enough to make him see that things have changed.

Maybe his insecurities are to blame. After all, why would someone like you be interested in someone like him? Why would you want to be with someone so quiet, so moody, so awkward, so boring? He's always whining and complaining about everything, he doesn't have a nice apartment or a lot of money to spend. Sometimes he doesn't know what to say, and sometimes he just wants to be alone, and he definitely can't go to the multiple parties he knows you're gonna want to take him to, at least not without losing his mind. Fake dating is all about keeping up appearances, posting pictures, and coming up with stories to tell your friends. However, dating for real is not as easy, is it?

But somehow you still managed to see him in a way he has never seen himself. You took each flaw and turned it into something lovable for reasons he can't understand. And if you wanna do your best for him, don't you deserve to get his best in return, too?

He's not sure whether Sunoo hates him or not, but he's still thankful for the help he's getting from the youngest, so after your roommate takes him into your building and gives him a brief lecture on how he expects Soobin will not mess up this time, the oldest offers him a quick bow and finally steps into the elevator, feeling his heart palpitate in his chest.

You, on the other hand, are sprawled on the couch, with your head full of thoughts you're trying to erase. You don't even want to be in the living room, but if you stay in bed you might end up dozing off, and Sunoo specifically asked you to stay put in case the burgers arrive, so that's what you're doing. In the meantime, you can just overthink everything for the millionth time.

Maybe all of this is karma. Maybe it's your divine punishment for all those boys you ditched. Not that you've ever given anyone the time to actually develop feelings for you — just a couple of casual fucks and you were done —, but who knows? Maybe one of them might've secretly fallen in love with you and now you're paying the price. Or, well, maybe love truly isn't for everybody, and you're one of the unlucky souls damned to live alone.

Still, part of you holds on to the hope that something might change. That's probably the reason why you told Haneul that Soobin is "still a little sick" when she asked you about him on the phone, saying she wants to see him again. You don't like lying to your little sister, but hey, you've been doing that from the moment you introduced him as your boyfriend, right? And you're not ready for the conversation that will follow after you let her know you're no longer "with him" because you know she's gonna ask a million questions, and you can't blame a six-year-old for wanting to understand things, but you don't wanna think about it either.

The stupid anime episode on the television in front of you only reminds you of that stupid asshole who just stared at you with his stupid blank face and let you walk away after you poured your stupid heart out. 

It's revolting. You hate it.

A moment after you turn it off, though, the doorbell rings… which is odd. Sure, Sunoo said he'd buy some food, but the delivery should take longer to arrive, and whoever's delivering it shouldn't have direct access to your door. You were expecting the intercom to ring, not the doorbell. So you decide to simply ignore it — maybe it's an annoying neighbor, after all, and you don't wanna deal with people right now.

About two minutes later, your phone buzzes with a text from Sunoo simply saying "girlie can you pls answer the door", which makes you frown. He said he'd take longer to get home, and even if he just got there now, it's not like he can be locked out of his own apartment unless he completely forgot his code, and that's highly unlikely. You try to text him back to ask him why, but he leaves you on read, so in the end, you sigh in defeat and get up to answer the door.

Out of everything you could expect to see behind it, the sight you meet is the only one you wouldn't have imagined to find there — especially considering Sunoo's involvement in it.

"Hey," the familiar tall figure says sheepishly as soon as he lays his eyes on you.

You stare at Soobin for a few seconds, furrowing your eyebrows. He has a paper bag in one hand, and the other holds a bouquet of daisies close to his chest. And you don't mean to be petty, especially because the sight of him makes your heart flutter, but the worst part of you tells you to stay in silence after what he did to you. 

Is it mature to give him the same attitude he gave you? Probably not, but you don't care.

His lips press together into a thin line when he senses the coldness in your stare. Or is it just his imagination? No, he knows you have every right to be mad at him. He'd be completely heartbroken if it were him in your shoes.

He straightens his posture and clears his throat, trying his best not to be affected by your lack of reaction. He's here to make things right, or at least try. He can't start overthinking. It's not the time for that.

"I, uh, I… got you that burger you like. With fries, of course." He offers you the paper bag first, and then the flowers. "And these. I– I picked them myself, so, um, I hope you like them."

While his brain goes "fuck, why am I so lame?", yours goes "fuck, why is he so cute?". In the end, you can't really give him the silent treatment he deserves, but you still try to be stern.

"You can't expect to win me over with some food and some flowers."

"I don't. I just, well, I don't know. I just feel like you told me a lot of things and I didn't say anything at all, and it's been haunting me since it happened, and I tried to text you, but you blocked me everywhere, and I know I deserved it, but I still wanted to tell you what I'm feeling, so I had to get your friends to help me, and now here I am." The thing about Soobin is that whenever he's nervous, he'll either talk too much (and too fast) or not at all. And considering the last time it happened, he didn't say a word, now you're getting the other side of him. "So," he looks around nervously, "erm, can I come in?"

"No," you reply right away. "Why would I let you in? So you can come in here and stare at me with those stupid bunny eyes again just to make me cry? No! Go to hell."

"Y/N–"

"I said no. Whatever you have to say, you can say it right here, at the door, so I can slam it in your face if you make me cry again."

"I– Ugh," he groans, "fine." If you're not gonna let him in, he'll improvise.

The boy shoves his hands into his pockets, pulling out his phone from one of them and his earbuds from the other. He reaches for your head to put the earbuds in your ears, but you move back to avoid his touch, so he hesitates. Maybe he should've asked for permission first, but this is definitely not going as he planned, so he's just acting on his own impulse and nervousness right now.

"What the fuck are you doing now?"

"You told me to say whatever I have to say right here," he explains. "I'm trying to do that. Um– May I?" He gestures, holding one of the earbuds up, so you roll your eyes and nod.

The temptation to touch your face and maybe even kiss your cheek is strong, but he settles for just looking at your eyes while he puts the accessory in your ears, though he gets a little distracted while doing that. 

He misses having you close like this. He even misses the times he had to act "cute" around your friends. At least that meant he could touch you, and you never complained about it — because it turns out you actually liked it just as much as he did. Now all he gets is the look of distrust on your face, one that weighs his heart down, especially because he knows he deserves it.

"Remember, uh, well–," he clears his throat again, "remember when Beomgyu was pestering everyone about a song I was writing?" Soobin starts while connecting the earbuds to his phone. "Well, hm, I started working on this when you… when you went to that party by yourself. And I, um, I added some new lyrics as well, rewrote some parts to make them sound better after we… you know. Usually, I'd get Taehyun to record the vocals for us, but I, uh– I wanted to do it myself this time. I don't know. It felt a little too personal. So I talked to Beomgyu and he helped me with that. If you– if you could just… you know. Just listen to it. It's just a demo, so it's not too polished, but, um… Yeah. I'll leave after it's over if you want me to."

Your eyes keep staring at him and you keep your mouth shut, so he decides the best thing he can do right now is just to press play on the song. 

I Know I Love You.

You take a deep breath and look down at the phone he's holding, just to avoid looking at him. Judging by the way he's gripping it so tightly, you can tell how nervous he is. 

See, being in his position right now is not exactly nice. While you have music — his song about you, sung by himself — playing, all he has is that silence that is only filled by the sound of his own heart drumming in his ears. 

You're not looking at him, but he watches every minor movement you might make, although his attention sometimes switches back to the screen of his phone just to check how far into the song you are.

Meanwhile, your full attention is on the lyrics and Soobin's voice. You've never heard him sing before, and the fact that he sounds like an angel just makes you feel more frustrated. It doesn't help that you can feel the emotions his voice carries on each line.

From this bottomless pit You're the only shining gold Now I can't stop thinking 'bout you When I'm sinking alone Angel who appeared to me one day Take me away to your hometown I know it's real, I can feel it

You look up and your gaze meets his worried eyes, and he immediately looks down to avoid it. For some reason, the line about your hometown is one that hits you a little deeper, just because of the memories that come to mind. Sharing a bed for the first time, waking up in his arms, running around with him and the kids, getting so close at night that you had to fight the urge to kiss him, hearing about his past, cuddling him to sleep… Those were important moments for you. You're pretty sure that was when something started to grow in your heart.

I'm full of problems, lovesick With no way to go I was okay with dying I'm a loser in this game The only rule of this world Save me Take my hand Please use me like a drug I know I love you Say you love me, say you love me Till the end of the world All or nothing, I want all of you I know I love you

The more you listen, the more you feel the tears starting to well up in your eyes, so you go back to looking down and try your best to hold back, but your resistance doesn't last long. 

By the time the second verse ends, a few tears are already dripping down. When you reach the bridge, it feels more like your eyes could be turned into waterfalls. And when you get to the end of the final chorus, well, you feel as if someone tore a hole in your chest and ripped your heart out.

This isn't fair. It's just not. How can he do that? How can he tell you the night he spent with you was a mistake, say all of those things to your face, and then leave you hanging when you finally open up about your feelings, just to come to your door and present you with a song he wrote for you, about you? And how is he capable of writing something so damn beautiful and heartfelt? Is this really the same guy who didn't even answer you just a day ago?

With your dumb heart thumping the way it is right now, you have no other option but to let him in. You step aside and make room for him to come in, gesturing for him to do so.

"Take these earbuds back," you instruct him, since your hands are too busy with the stuff he gave you, "and take off your shoes. I'm giving you five minutes to talk."

His eyes shoot up, full of hope and anxiety. He nods quickly and follows your orders in silence, without any questioning. He's not stupid enough to ask anything right now, he doesn't wanna miss the chance of pouring out his own feelings and hopefully making up for the mess he has made. Your sniffles shatter his heart, but he can't be too hasty and try to solve everything at once. One step at a time, that's the way to go.

While he takes his shoes off, you walk away from him to leave the paper bag and the flowers on the large coffee table in the living room. He hesitantly follows you shortly after, unsure of how to proceed, especially because you still haven't said anything. 

"I'm still mad at you," you tell him, despite the fact that you're wearing one of his t-shirts and your eyes are still full of tears provoked by his song.

"I know," he replies and then reaches for your face, but halts before touching you. "Can I…?"

Stupidly, you grant him permission to touch you, so his fingers gently try to wipe your cheeks and dry the corners of your eyes. Even after he's done, he doesn't move his hands away, but uses them to cup your face instead, allowing his gaze to meet yours.

"I'm sorry." His voice sounds as soft as it can. "I know I should've said something, but I panicked. I'm pretty sure I was on the verge of an anxiety attack and then you showed up out of nowhere, so my brain just… didn't work. I didn't– I didn't mean to hurt you. And, um– I also wasn't calling you a… You know." He can't even say it. Sure, he was terrified that you'd get bored of him, but it wasn't for the reasons you thought it was. "I'd never call anyone that, especially you. What I w–"

"What about the song?"

"I– Uh, well, I was gonna surprise you with it today as an apology. It was my plan all along, even before you showed up at the cafe, I just– just needed to have it finished. In hindsight, I guess I should've at least said something, maybe told you I wanted to see you today so you wouldn't feel like I was just avoiding you, but I– I'm stupid and I was scared, I don't know what I was thinking, I'm sorry," he explains hurriedly. "But Beomgyu worked on it as much as he could, even though it's technically just a demo. We just wanted to make sure it sounded good enough for you, but we didn't have a lot of time to do much, so it was kind of–"

"The lyrics, Soobin," you cut him off softly one more time. "Do you mean what they're saying?"

He nods, making an effort to keep his eyes on yours, despite his nervousness constantly trying to make him look away now. "Every word. I think it's the most honest thing I've ever written."

And there they are again, those goddamn butterflies and those stupid tears. For someone who has always said you could never fall in love, you're surely tumbling down that hill rapidly and willingly because of that human noodle standing in front of you.

"But I s–"

"Sing it to me, then," you interrupt him again, and his eyebrows rise in surprise.

"I– What?" 

"Sing it." You also cup his face just to bring it closer to yours. His fingers are still on your skin too, as if he's too scared to let go. "You said you mean all of it, so sing it to my face."

"Uh, you– I– Okay, yeah, um, yeah. I can do that, yep."

"Doesn't have to be the whole thing," you show him some mercy, considering how nervous he sounds and looks right now. You wanna make him suffer just a little bit to get back at him, but not to the point where it becomes too much for him to bear. "Start from the angel part. I like that one."

And he's thankful for that, of course, but little do you know that he'd find the courage to sing you a whole album right there if it meant keeping you this close, feeling your breath fanning his face. 

He simply nods and does as he's told, starting from the line you chose, his voice coming out quiet due to the lack of distance between you two.

"Angel who appeared to me one day, take me away to your hometown. I know it's real, I can feel it…" Your eyes are focused on him, and your thumb is doing that thing where it runs softly below his lower lip, pulling very slightly as if to tease him, which makes him lose the tempo and slow down a little. "I'm full of problems, lovesick, with no way to go. I was okay with dying, I'm a loser in this game. The only rule of this world: save me, take my hand, please use me like a drug…" God, why is his heart speeding up so much? Why is his breathing getting so fast-paced? Why are your lips so close to his?

"Just one more line, Soobin," you mumble, your eyes still teary.

"I know I love you," he says quietly instead of singing it, and the next thing he knows is that your lips are on his. 

And you kiss him like a desperate lover, as if your life depends on it, as if this is the last thing you're gonna do before the world simply ends. Your hands grab him by the shirt and guide him towards the couch, his right arm gets wrapped around your waist, his lips follow your pace as he savors every second of that kiss. But instead of pushing him to sit down, you stop kissing him as soon as his calves touch the furniture, giving him a moment to actually think.

"I… still have a lot to say," he breathes.

"And I'm still mad at you," you retort, "but I can't resist your stupid face and your stupid angel voice and your stupid pretty lips."

The tips of his ears get tinted in red and he tries to hold back a sheepish smile, but his attempt only makes his dimples show up, and it's infuriating to see that right in front of you, to the point where you have no choice but to kiss him again until you're both out of breath. You're still hurt, but you've missed him and you're desperate enough to want to keep him as close as possible, as if he could disappear again at any second.

He knows he should resist it, but how is he supposed to say no to your kisses when you're the only thing that's been on his mind for the past week? How is he gonna push you away when your lips are the thing he's been craving the most for so long? Besides, despite all of the things you've told him and the fact that you keep kissing him with tears in your eyes, there's still a little voice telling him he might get rejected in the end, so he should enjoy it while it lasts.

However, when your moth moves away from his, he takes the opportunity to try and regain at least some of his self-control.

"Y/N, we– we need to talk." His hands hold your waist and carefully push you a step back, but not too far from him. "If you keep kissing me like that, I– We need to focus, all of this is happening 'cause– we couldn't communicate, and I want to fix things, so please, just–," he sighs, "let's just stop for a second. You gave me five minutes and you're not letting me use them right now." He furrows his eyebrows, trying to stay serious.

You end up laughing quietly at the sight, though you probably shouldn't, but he looks too adorable and that's making a part of you want to forget everything and just kiss him over and over again, while the other part is still deeply upset. It's like a war inside your own mind, but you know he's right. He needs to talk, and you need to either let him do it or kick him out.

"Okay, sorry." You raise your hands in surrender. "Your five minutes start now, how about that?"

"Thank you." He takes a deep breath, trying to figure out where to start. He should've written down some notes for himself, but he wasn't expecting you to kiss him and make him lose his focus before the conversation even started. "Right, um, I… I'm sorry for making you cry yesterday. What I said… I didn't mean to talk shit about you. I just meant, well, I meant that you've never been in love, you always find everyone boring, and I'm… boring as fuck. I'm just some dude, nothing special."

"Soobin, you–"

"No, I know," he interrupts you before you start telling him off. He knows that tone of yours too well. "I know. Just… please, just hear me out." After you nod, he proceeds: "The point is that I wasn't accusing you of anything, I was just panicking… and I guess I was in denial. But then you started going off about your feelings, and you made a whole list of things you like about me, and I… I couldn't function. I just blanked. None of that made any sense to me, but you sounded so sincere, and I just wanted to cry 'cause you're so… so beautiful, Y/N. Not just on the outside. You're so smart, so funny, so determined, so loving. You always lift everyone's mood, you always know what to do and what to say to cheer people up. You're focused on what you want and you always fight to get it, even if sometimes you get a little tired. I mean, come on, your whole family moved back to your hometown and you decided to stay here so you could build your own life, even though you miss them. And I… I don't know how to explain it, but your presence always makes my day better. I like talking to you about stuff, hearing you when you get excited about something you did or something you saw, or even when you just wanna vent and complain about a shitty day you had. And yes, sometimes I get tired too, sometimes I'm in a bad mood, but you always try to respect my space and that's… I don't know, I like that about you. I like the way you're so fucking loud when you want to, and you're always trying to make me explore more and have more fun, but you always make sure I'm still comfortable. And to be honest, having you around is enough to bring me comfort. Whenever I'm feeling nervous, it's your hand I wanna hold, it's your voice I wanna hear, it's your face I wanna see. I guess we balance each other out, in a way. And you're right, I do let you win at some of the games we play, but it's not because I want something to whine about. I just like how happy you get, and how you love to laugh at me and call me a fucking loser. But it's even better when you actually win without my help, 'cause– well, you get so excited, and happiness looks great on you. Your smile is my favorite, you know? It makes you glow and it's something beautiful to watch." He pauses for an instant, still organizing his thoughts. "Uh, anyway, what I mean is that you're so beautiful to me, and you took all of the things I don't like about myself and found something to like about them, and I didn't expect any of that. So, again, I'm sorry I didn't say anything after you were done. It's just… I couldn't believe I would ever be lucky enough to have your heart. I couldn't believe someone like you saw me that way."

You can tell it's hard for him to get it all out, but you keep watching, waiting for the right moment to say something. He asked you to listen, and that's what you're gonna do.

He reaches for your hands, and you let him take them, knowing well that this is his way of fighting against the anxiety that's probably bubbling up in him.

"And I'm sorry I called it a mistake. It wasn't. It was the same thing when we kissed for the first time and I said I regretted it later. I don't really regret anything we did. I just said that 'cause, well, in my head what we did could ruin our friendship. When we kissed for the first time, things got extremely weird, and it took us a while to get back to normal. And when we had sex I thought… I thought I'd lose you forever. I'd rather have you as a friend than not have you at all, you know, so I was terrified thinking I messed up. I cried every day, I was feeling lost, I didn't know how to fix anything. Yeonjun kept telling me to talk to you, but I– I thought you'd reject me. I kept thinking 'welp, but she was flirting with'–"

"Soobin, I wasn't flirting with anyone," you cut him off, a little frustrated. 

"I know that now, I was just being stupid."

"Minho's just an old high school friend," you explain anyway, just in case he finds any reason to suspect you again. "He's in the same dance studio as Yeonjun and Yeji now, and I hadn't seen him in years, so we were just chatting."

He sighs. "I– I'm sorry. I know. I guess I was just a little insecure."

"No, it's just…" You let out a tired laugh and squeeze his hands lightly. "God, this is so frustrating. You could come up with this whole scenario where I was flirting with someone else, but you never noticed it when I was actually flirting with you."

His eyebrows furrow in confusion and he looks from one side to the other, as if he could find an explanation floating around the room. What do you even mean by that?

"You– you never did that, though," his voice comes out in a quieter tone, but still as confused as his whole face, just hoping you won't get upset over that. He honestly can't remember a single time you flirted with him for real.

"Are you serious?" You don't even sound mad, because truly, you're just as confused as he is. Did he honestly never even suspect you were at least trying to flirt? "Soobin, for fuck's sake, I've flirted with you multiple times."

"Uh… have you?"

"Well, I've tried," you scoff. "Apparently I should've been clearer."

"I thought… I thought you were joking," he admits in a cautious tone.

You blink a few times, still staring at him. Did he seriously think it was all just a joke?

"Did you think I was always trying to be around you as a joke too? I mean, I get that I'm hilarious," you try to lighten up the mood, "but dude, come on, I feel like I was being pretty obvious."

"Well, uh…"

You really had to go and fall for the dumbest idiot you could possibly find, huh?

"Hell, I actually thought you were dodging my attempts, but it turns out you're just fucking blind," you say, and he's the one to scoff now, feeling a little offended.

"Well, takes one to know one, I guess," he retorts. Suddenly his pride has become more important than his nervousness, though his hands still hold on to yours. "Literally everyone around me noticed I was head over heels for you, and somehow you didn't."

"You're not that obvious, Choi Soobin," you snap back.

"What, did you think I went out of my way to take you to a place covered in your favorite flowers just to post about it on Twitter barely a week before we had to break up? That doesn't even make any sense! And you kept talking about our break-up too, reminding me we had to stop doing this and that, that we couldn't be too romantic, 'cause our break-up had to look real and it wouldn't make sense if we just kept doing that kinda shit. What was I supposed to think?"

"You kept being a dry piece of shit whenever I tried to flirt! What was I supposed to think? I had a nightmare and needed to hear your voice and see your face because I was terrified, and still found the strength to flirt with you at four in the morning, and you told me to shut up!"

"I literally offered to get out of my bed and get dressed and go to your place at four in the morning just because you were scared and I wanted to protect you, though??? Do you think I'd just do that for anyone?"

"Shut up, this is about you rejecting me whenever I tried to flirt," you refuse to let him win this one.

"Me telling you to shut up as a joke is hardly a rejection. I didn't think you were being serious."

"Oh, yeah? What about the times you actively ignored it, hm? And the times you– you sent me that stupid emoji with the rolling eyes after I tried to be sweet? Hm? Or when I tried to find reasons to see your stupid face and you–"

"Can we just agree we're both stupid and blind?" He cuts the back and forth.

It's funny, actually. Both of you have raised your voices, but it's very clear that neither of you is really angry. Frustrated, maybe, but he can see you're trying to hold back a smile, and that face you're making is only making him want to kiss you.

"Speak for yourself," you mumble.

"Y/N." He tugs lightly at you, but you let go of his hands and cross your arms like a stubborn child.

"No."

"You looked beautiful in my shirt that night." His index finger pokes your forehead gently to get your attention. "And you look beautiful in my other shirt right now, too."

"And you didn't give two shits about it," you complain with a frown on your face.

"I gave all the shits about it, I just didn't say anything because I thought I was being dumb."

"And then you ended up being dumb anyway," you point out, making him laugh briefly.

He was so anxious before, but somehow all of this bickering has put his heart at ease. It's a subtle reminder that you're still you, and your relationship hasn't changed much from what he's grown comfortable with. The only difference is that both of you have put your feelings on the table now and are no longer hiding behind a mask.

"I tried to make you feel appreciated and cared for in my own way," his tone quiets down. "I'm sorry if it wasn't clear enough. I was just scared. Love is… scary to me."

"How do you think I was feeling about it? I've never been in love, Choi Soobin, ever. And then you come in with your handsome face and your pretty lips and your soft voice and those eyes that make me wanna start a fucking war, and don't even get me started on these goddamn dimples, or your stupid hands too, and– and you make me feel these… things." Your lips pout and you press your arms more firmly against your body. "My heart keeps doing weird shit because of you, and I always feel something in my stomach whenever you do anything remotely sweet, but then you go back to being a grumpy bitch and I don't know what to think. And then I remember the time you gave me this thing," you unfold your arms just to briefly raise the wrist where the silver bracelet he gave you is hanging, "and I'm like, oh, maybe he's just randomly sweet sometimes for no particular reason, because you were very sweet when you gave me this bracelet, and I know for a fact you didn't have any feelings for me back then."

"You're– You're right, I didn't. I just thought you were cool."

"Well, duh," you scoff. "I'm the coolest bitch in your life! But that's not the point. The point is that maybe the flower field and the cute dates and the little treats and the lovely shows of affection were all the same thing: just you doing something sweet for no reason."

He kind of gets where you're coming from. It's not like he ever tried to be super open about his feelings. Whenever he did something sweet, he'd play it off as just "acting for your friends", to hide the fact that he actually wanted to please you and make you smile. It's not too hard to see things from your perspective, but you also can't blame him for not thinking you'd ever like him back.

"Look, I don't know when this started," he admits. "I just– Remember that first time we had lunch with Beomgyu and Yeji? I kept getting distracted by you. I don't know why, but whenever you got too close it was like nothing else existed around us. But we barely knew each other for like… a month and a half, so I brushed it off and convinced myself it was nothing. But then… I remember having fun at the cat cafe with you like a week later, and when Jiwon showed up trying to make it sound as if it was a thing I got from her, I was terrified you would think I was just recycling the stuff I had when I was with her. But you didn't care, so I brushed it off again. And then a few days later we went to your hometown, and your family was so nice to me, and when I watched you playing with your sister I realized that was the most adorable thing I've ever seen. And when we had to share a bed I was totally panicking inside, especially when you started to tease me, because I wanted to kiss you so bad–"

"I… wanted to kiss you too," you confess, eyes still puffy. "You have no idea how beautiful you looked that night. And I woke up in your arms in the morning, and…"

"I know. I woke up first, but I just forced myself back to sleep. Didn't wanna wake you up, you looked too pretty and comfortable."

The corners of your lips rise in a small smile. You didn't know about that part at all, but it's interesting to be hearing about all of this now. Maybe he's right: both of you are dumb and blind, and have been so for way too long.

"Remember I tweeted a picture of you sleeping? That one you complained about?" You ask and he nods. "I, um, I kinda have a private account, you know? I didn't mean to post that on my public one, I just wanted to gush about you with myself. But by the time I realized I had tweeted it publicly, our friends had already seen it, so I thought it would be weird if I deleted it."

He lets some air out through his nose, laughing silently. "That… actually makes sense."

"And on that next night, I… I really wanted to kiss you. Even more than on the night before that. You looked so cute, all sleepy and shit, and you were so close too, and then you were touching my face, and I– If Yeonjun hadn't called you…"

"You know I wanted to kiss you too." His right hand touches your face again, his thumb running gently over your cheek. "I guess we've just been oblivious for way too long, then."

"Yeah. I guess." You fit your hand on the side of his neck and pull him a little closer, bringing him down enough to have his forehead touching yours.

This is all both of you need to calm down right now. Just have each other near, feel each other's presence as everything starts to become clearer.

"I freaked out so bad when we had the whole making out thing, and when you decided to look for someone to hook up with, I spent the entire night losing my shit and hoping you'd come back to me." Once again, he lowers the volume of his voice, due to how close you are.

"Well, I did."

"Yep. And you were drunk and calling me baby and I couldn't help but fall even more in love with you."

Even those words are enough to get your heart racing again. That's how bad you've fallen for this idiot. You can barely remember why you were mad at him, now that everything's out in the open. You understand him now, and it wouldn't be fair to hold his own anxiety against him.

"To be fair, when you got drunk you were also clingy as hell." You rub the tip of your nose on his, speaking very softly. "You asked for one kiss and gave me a whole make-out session."

He laughs quietly, feeling those butterflies starting to flutter their wings inside of him. You're teasing him, he knows it, or else you wouldn't be getting your lips so close to his mouth without letting them actually touch it, but he's not about to tell you to stop. He loves that rush, that feeling only you can bring him. He wants you, all of you.

"Can I be honest?"

"Hm?" You prompt.

"I kinda remembered it the next morning, but everything was so hazy I thought it was just a dream."

"You didn't suspect it could be true when you realized I had actually spent the night with you?" You scoff at him. "See? You're an idiot. A blind one at that."

His eyes roll affectionately, some air coming out through his nose. "I didn't think you'd actually want to kiss me like that, Y/N."

"Really?" A brief chuckle comes out of you. "Hm. Wanna test that theory right now?" Your voice is not any louder than a whisper against his lips, sending a whole wave of electricity across his body.

See, you've already kissed him twice since he arrived, but the fact that you're making such an open invitation makes him feel a little lightheaded. This whole conversation started on such a bitter note, and now you're all over him, just the way he's been dreaming of, allowing him to do whatever he wants to.

He closes the gap between your mouths with a kiss that feels much sweeter than any of the previous ones. No alcohol, no excuses, no anger, nothing but his desire to kiss you like that, slowly, peacefully. His left hand is pressed against the small of your back, pulling you into him, while the other one keeps touching your pretty face, making sure you won't escape from his grasp.

You finally end up pushing him gently and sitting him down on the couch just so you can sit on his lap and kiss him more comfortably, not thinking too much about anything else. It's like he's the only thing in the world right now. Your hands move around, touching whatever you can reach — neck, shoulders, back, chest, stomach, anything —, and he does the same. Both of you are eager to feel each other, to let go of all the built-up tension, but despite all of that, it's still somewhat soft and gentle. He's not trying to devour you, and you're just trying to feel him slowly, savor every moment. 

It's a little clumsy nonetheless, you have to admit it, but neither of you seems to mind it. You taste him and let him taste you in return, and for once the butterflies inside of you don't feel wrong. On the contrary, you welcome them with an open heart. The past few minutes have been a rollercoaster, sure, but you like the mess you share with him. 

And as your lips move in synchrony with his, the only thing in your mind is how badly you want to have this every day. You wanna be near him, have him by your side. It's probably not gonna be perfect, but it doesn't have to be. That's the fun of it.

He sighs against your lips and you smile, which results in a brief chuckle, and you end up pulling away from the kiss just to give him a little break, but your lips still touch his skin, leaving a trail of kisses on his cheek.

His right hand rests on your thigh, his fingers rubbing circles on your skin, and the left one holds the side of your face, subtly guiding you to move your lips down to his jawline and neck, because he's a sneaky little shit sometimes.

"I feel like I still have more to say," he murmurs, slightly breathless.

"I feel like you've already said enough," you reply quietly and nibble at his skin, bringing some goosebumps to his body. "We still have a lot of kissing to catch up with. Months of kissing."

He laughs silently and you trail back up to his face, peppering sweet little kisses on his cheeks and nuzzling the tip of your nose on his face, turning him into an adorable giggling mess.

"You're not mad anymore, are you?" He asks.

"Hm… Will you keep kissing me until I calm down if I say I am?" 

"I… could try."

You straighten your posture and sigh dramatically, staring at him with your eyebrows knitted down and a pout adorning your face.

"Then I am furious. And extremely hurt."

Deep down, he hopes you know how adorable you look like that.

"We should talk about that, then," he proposes quietly.

You gasp and slap his arm playfully, making him laugh once again. "Fuck off."

But he doesn't answer. Instead, he keeps admiring your face for long seconds, as if you're the most beautiful thing on Earth. To him, you are, and nothing can change that. Being there with you was all he needed to feel better, just keeping you in his arms, feeling your warmth on top of him.

You smile affectionately and kiss the tip of his adorable nose just because you want to — just because you can.

"I missed you." You allow yourself to hug him and lay your head on his shoulder, nuzzling your face into his neck.

"I missed you too." He wraps his arms around your torso and takes the chance to kiss your face just like you did to him a moment ago.

"Haneul kept asking me about you," you tell him. "It made me feel horrible."

"Yeah? Odi kept asking me about you too."

You let out a chuckle, just letting the warm feeling of his kisses on your skin wash over you.

"I could go see him tonight."

"Mhm," he agrees. "There's just one problem, though."

You groan and sit up to rest your forehead on his once again.

"What is it?"

"Well, you need to eat. Sunoo will kill me if you don't eat anything, and then you won't have a boyfriend anymore and you'll have to take care of Odi by yourself."

You narrow your eyes and twist your lips, as if you're in deep thought about what he just said.

Boyfriend. Funny word, huh? He's technically been your boyfriend for over three months now, but he hasn't really been your boyfriend at all. The word brings you some agitation, but not in a bad way. It's a mixture of excitement and anxiety, because truly, this is the first time you're experiencing any of that.

However, being excited doesn't mean you're gonna simply let him off the hook, right?

"But Soobin," you start slowly. "I hate to break it to you, but I don't have a boyfriend. Like, at all."

"Is that so?" He asks and pecks your lips briefly.

"Mhm. I'm free as a bird, you know?"

He can feel that thumping in his chest once again, though he knows it's probably dumb of him to be nervous when you're already all over him and your answer is so obvious. However, knowing that still doesn't stop him from feeling like his heart might simply take flight at any given moment.

"Y/N," he calls your name and brings his hands up to your face.

You smile sweetly. "That's me!"

"Well, um. You know, we've been together for a while now–"

"Not really," you tease. "But yep, I know."

"Right, yeah, not really together. So I was thinking…"

"Really? Sounds dangerous." Your cheeky grin gets him laughing briefly, which helps him relax a little bit.

"Shut up. Well, I was thinking that maybe… we could be together. 'Really together'. As in real boyfriend and girlfriend. I know I'm not exactly perfect, but, um, I wanna give you my best. I wanna be with you, take care of you and let you take care of me too. And I'll still be grumpy sometimes, I'll still need space sometimes, but I promise I'll keep loving you with all of my heart, no matter what. I promise your heart will be safe with me."

You can feel his hands getting a little unstable on your face, so you grab them and kiss the back of each of them.

"Will you keep giving me coffee? That's an important requirement." You ask and he rolls his eyes lovingly, nodding in response. "Welp, sounds like a good deal to me, then," you shrug.

"Are you–"

But you cut him off with a kiss before he can complain about your attitude, because both of you know teasing him is your favorite hobby. It's yet another loving kiss, your way of showing him that yes, you belong to him just as much as he belongs to you. No matter how different you are, the two of you fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. 

You guide his hands to your thighs and let go of them to bring your own fingers up to his shoulders. And though you try to make that kiss last — your intentions about to become clearer —, he cuts it off before it becomes something remotely close to the danger zone.

"You still need to eat," he mumbles against your lips.

"But I wanna keep kissing you." You try to steal another kiss, but he pulls back.

"Y/N, I mean it. Come on, you can kiss me later."

"Who's Y/N? She just died. It's baby to you now. Sorry, I don't make the rules." Do you plan on letting him have any peace? Absolutely not.

He gives you a quick peck and delicately bumps the tip of his nose on yours.

"Baby," he corrects himself quietly, "let's eat something, please. I don't want you to get sick. I promise you can kiss me as much as you want later."

"Hmmmm… As much as I want? That's a dangerous promise, my dearest grumpy baby."

"I can take you to my place, we can stay in bed and kiss all night long…" He bargains, giving you a few more short kisses that get you all giggly for no reason.

The sound brings a smile to his face, and the certainty that you are his home. Maybe his friends are right. He is totally whipped for you, and he should start admitting it more proudly.

"Baby," you call in a whisper, getting yet another peck in response. "I think I love you."

And, well, after literally saying to your face that he loves you, finally getting a response for that brings a real hurricane to his chest, but all he does is kiss you softly multiple times, trying to hold back the laugh that's trying to come out, because he can't recall a single time when he felt anything like the pure excitement that's taking over his brain and his heart right now.

He doesn't know how far this is gonna go, whether it's gonna be hard or not to maintain a relationship with you, but he knows he's willing to go as far as you want, hand in hand with you. He's willing to heal, grow and learn how to be what you need, though deep down he feels like he already is. 

"I love you too," he whispers in between kisses. 

"Can we just stay like this then?" Your voice sounds as sweet as honey, and your hands caress his face. "You look so good right now, I wanna keep kissing you…"

Instead of convincing him of anything, you just get him laughing for the millionth time, failing miserably at your attempt.

"Food first, baby." He even pushes you away just enough to keep his mouth away from yours.

"You know what," you whine, pouting, "I take it back. I think I hate you."

"Mhm. Hate me when your stomach is full." 

And well, although you're not getting what you want right now, the feeling of lifting all of that weight off your shoulders is enough for you. 

You wouldn't have thought that wanting to sell your dignity for a PS5 could ever bring you something so much better than the console itself, but looking at that beautiful face in front of you, with his messy bleached hair and that lovestruck smile on those lips that are still puffy from kissing you too much, you can't help but feel thankful that your roommate is such an unhinged son of a bitch with too much money to spare.

You're still scared, of course you are, but it's not that bad anymore. If anything, you're honored to have Soobin by your side and to know he's your first love, because you know you can trust him with your heart, and he will take care of you as much as you will take care of him. And that is much more than you could've ever asked for.

← chapter forty-nine | masterlist | bonus chapter (50.5) →

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[polaroidloving]

a taste of something new — soobin x f!reader

47. i said i like you — WC: 2.7k (+ sns)

A/N: ok everyone now remember the promise we made on chapter 46? great let's keep that in mind.

WARNINGS: cursing, arguing, crying, hints of anxiety, some panicking, fear of love kinda??, yeonjun lowkey being everyone's mom

playlist here | ko-fi | taglist on the reblogs — click here to join!

enjoying the fic? consider reblogging the chapter to help with the algorithm! any feedback is always welcome too 🥰

← chapter forty-six | masterlist | chapter forty-eight →

You don't mean to be invasive. You don't want to look obsessed or act like a psychotic person who can't accept rejection. It's not your intention at all. And you're not there to disrespect Soobin's space or whatever, you're just tired of tossing and turning in your bed every night, you're sick of overthinking, and you don't think you can survive another night filled with what-ifs clouding your mind.

So yes, you might be acting impulsively, but after waiting and waiting for five whole days, you deserve to get some closure, at the very least. Deep down you know that if he really liked you, he would've said something by now. But he hasn't, so all you need is to hear him say it. 

What's the worst he could do? Tell you he's not gonna risk his own heart by being with someone as unstable as you? Tell you the two of you would never work so you shouldn't even try? Tell you he simply doesn't feel the same for you and has finally realized all he needed was to get some action to release the pent-up frustration he accumulated over the past few years since he broke up with Jiwon? You can handle that. You just need to hear it from his own mouth so you can move on with your stupid life.

Beomgyu is the only one there when you enter the cafe, and he doesn't take long to notice your presence. Unlike the other times he's seen you, he just looks around as if he's too scared of someone else's reaction. Still, he hurries to the entrance to greet you, with a dish towel hanging on his shoulder.

"What are you doing here?" He inquires in a hushed tone.

"What do you think?" Why is he even acting that way? "I need to see him."

"I know you do, but we're at work, and–"

"Beomgyu, you guys will be closing in a few minutes. There's no one here," you interrupt him in a tired voice. That's the reason why you're there: you knew they'd be working the closing shift tonight, and you figured it was your best shot at seeing Soobin. "I'm not here to disturb anyone's peace, but I need to talk to him. I… It's been really hard."

He sighs, slumping his shoulders and nodding slowly. "I'm sorry, I know. I just– I don't know what's up with him right now. Things are weird."

"Yeah, they are."

"I… I missed you, though," he admits with an almost pout.

And see, Beomgyu might be obnoxiously loud sometimes, but he has a good heart, and he's grown to be someone you love. He's a loyal friend and you feel bad for ignoring him, you just needed to stay away for obvious reasons. He's one of Soobin's closest friends, after all. 

Of course, that doesn't mean you've stopped caring about him. On the contrary, you've been missing his overenergetic behavior and all of the bickering the two of you constantly had.

You sigh and offer him a hug, and he reciprocates it, keeping you in his embrace for a few brief seconds.

"I missed you too, Beom. I'm sorry for ghosting you." 

Once you break away from the hug, his shoulders shrug at you, though his face still lacks any joy.

"Eh," he waves dismissively, "you'll pay for that later. Go on now. He's in the back, if you wanna see him. I'll just… start cleaning up, I guess."

"Okay," you nod, "wish me good luck."

Your awkward smile is mirrored by him, which is probably not a great sign, but you decide against making up theories in your head and simply make your way to the back of the establishment after he mumbles a quick "good luck". 

You halt in front of the storage room door and take a deep breath before knocking on it and carefully pushing it open.

"I'm not done here, man, so just–"

"Not Beomgyu," you tell him, still unable to see him.

The silence that follows is almost deadly, until it's interrupted by the sound of Soobin's brief sniffle coming from behind the shelf in front of you.

"I'm working right now, so, um–"

"I won't be long." Your feet take you to where he is, and what you see is him quickly wiping his reddened face with the back of his hands and turning around almost immediately. "Soobin."

"I'm busy, Y/N." He starts moving some products on the shelf he just turned to, clearly just trying to find a way to escape from that conversation.

"Crying? Yeah, guess I've been super busy lately, too," you try to joke, but it's not a good one. "You don't need to look at me if you don't want to. I'll stay back here." You go back to where you were before, standing behind the shelf, which ends up working as a wall between the two of you. "You don't have to pretend you're busy. I just want you to listen to me and… give me some answers. I think I deserve that much."

"Okay."

"Do you regret it?" You need to know that in order to have a better notion of where you should start. 

Silence settles for a few more seconds before he answers a quiet: "Yes."

"Okay." You breathe and ignore the sting in your chest. "Alright. I'm sorry, then. I shouldn't have induced you to have sex with me."

"You weren't sober," he says, as if he's trying to take the blame from you.

"By choice. You weren't sober either, and I was the one who made you drink."

"You– you didn't have that in mind, you just wanted me to enjoy the party."

Why is he defending you from yourself when he refuses to even look at you?

"Well, you're right, but it's still on me," you insist. "So I'm sorry."

"Don't worry."

Ironic. After letting you spend so many nights crying and feeling paranoid over how you messed up, now he tells you not to worry.

"Don't tell me not to worry. In a way, I took advantage of you. I didn't mean to, but it's what happened," you admit. "Um, well, if you regret it, I guess– I guess you're not gonna like to hear this, but I– I don't know, I think I've liked you for a while, and I wanted you, so… you know. It was shitty of me to do that."

Silence. 

One, two, three, four seconds of silence.

"You what?"

"I said I like you," you repeat slowly, not sure of what to expect. Why does he sound so skeptical?

And again, no response for a moment. Three seconds this time, unless you're not counting them correctly.

"No, you don't," he finally says, making you scoff. Is he for real?

"Yes, I do. Why would I lie about this?" Now that's just dumb. Does he think that low of you? 

"Y/N, that– that's absurd. You don't have a single reason to like me, you… you're just bored."

You blink a few times, refusing to believe that that is his argument. You're just bored. You don't have feelings for him, you just want some emotion. Is that really what he thinks?

You go around the shelf just to stare at him again.

"Are you serious right now?"

He looks taken aback by your presence in front of him, and his puffy eyes widen, but he doesn't move or turn away this time.

"You're not used to this," he reasons, talking slowly. "You said it yourself that time, you don't like people, not this way. You've never felt this way about anyone, you always get bored of everyone, and it's… always just a matter of time before you move on to the next guy. Why would I be the first one you'd catch any feelings for?"

Ouch? He really said that, huh? You already suspected he'd see you as nothing but an easy whore, but having him say to your face that you just use people and throw them out hurts more than expected.

"Do you think I fucking know the answer to that? Do you think I chose this?" You snap. "Do you think I wanna be here right now, being called a slut by the guy I wanna be with?"

"I– I'm not calling you that."

"Yes, you are! Shut up. What, you think I just wanna use you for a few more weeks so I can dump you? Yeah, maybe I'm here just because I can't take rejection, because I have to be the bitch that rejects people in the end."

"That's not what I'm saying!"

"Shut up," you repeat, feeling your eyes burn. "You told me we were gonna talk about this fucking mess and then disappeared. I've been waiting for days and got nothing from you. I've been crying every single night because of you, because of whatever the fuck is going on between us, and because I miss your stupid fucking face. Then I come here and I tell you I like you and all you have to say is no, you're just bored, like… Fuck off." Why would he try to gaslight you about your own feelings? That's just stupid. You're stupid for even trying to communicate with someone who clearly doesn't want to. "But the party I went to and your stupid ex-girlfriend kept asking everyone about?"

"She talked to you?"

You roll your eyes. "She talked to Yeji and Giselle on Twitter. It's not the fucking point right now. The point is that the guy she saw me with… I ditched him as soon as we started to make out. You know the fuck why? Because he wasn't you, and I couldn't get you out of my head. I was drunk and I still couldn't think about anything but you, and your lips, and your hands, and your fucking voice, and how you touched me, and the way you always made me feel comfortable and safe and happy, and I just wanted to be with you. I wanted you. I've been wanting you for a long time, and it took me a while to understand it, but I know what I want now."

He keeps staring at you, his eyebrows furrowing slightly, looking as panicked as he can be. With the lack of any response, you opt to keep going.

"So yeah, maybe I am a fucking slut. And I don't understand why in hell I would fall for you, out of all people in the whole world, but I did. Maybe opposites attract, maybe I was just going out with the wrong kind of people, or maybe I'm just desperately craving for something deeper than just fucking around. I don't know, and I don't care. All I know is that I like you. I like your stupid grumpy face, I like your messy hair and your sleepy voice in the morning, I like when you start mumbling and complaining about stuff, I like how competitive you get when we're playing, and how you start making up excuses whenever I fucking wreck you in any game, even though sometimes the only reason why you lost was that you let me win just so you can whine about ir. I like the way you hold my hand whenever you're nervous, and I like the kisses and the hugs you give me in public, and I wish I could get them when we're alone too, because they make me feel warm inside. And I like how you always act like you don't care, but you always show that you do. Like when I was stressed out and you took me to that cat cafe, or how you decided we should take Haneul out for ice cream when we were at my family's house just because she missed me and I missed her, or how you always get me something sweet whenever I'm moody, or how you took me to a daisy field for a picnic the other day, or how you always try to make me laugh with your fake grumpy act when I'm feeling down, or how you're always willing to listen when I just need someone to talk to, or how you pay attention to what the people around you like or dislike, or how you might not always know what to say to help me, but you always offer me a distraction with something I enjoy to help me relax. And I like how hardworking you are, and how talented you are, and your stupid concentrated face when you're focused on a song you're writing, and how loyal you are to your friends, and your fucking sense of humor, and even the way you act like a stubborn piece of shit sometimes." You wipe the tears that have started running down your cheeks at some point and try to breathe, but it's too hard to keep yourself under control. "And when you got drunk and asked me to go stay with you the other night, I thought that maybe you could like me back. Because you kissed me like you did, and you didn't wanna stop, and I thought that maybe that was a sign. But you didn't remember shit in the morning and I decided to keep my mouth shut because I just knew you would get weird again. And I was dreading this week, because I didn't wanna break up with you, and now here we are. I don't know what to do, Choi Soobin, I don't know how to deal with what's going on. And yes, my heart might be messy and unprepared for this whole relationship thing, but I'd be willing to let you take it and teach it how it feels to care for someone and be cared for, if you just stopped thinking I'm trying to use you and actually gave me a chance to give you my best. And if you don't like me back, that's fine, but don't act like I'm just trying to add your name to an imaginary list."

A heavy breath comes out of you once you're done with your speech, and you look for any kind of answer on Soobin's face, but he's still just there, staring. His lips part as if he's about to say something, but he can barely stammer out a simple "I–" before going totally silent again. 

You keep looking, hoping something else will come out. However, he just looks down at the floor and takes a deep breath, and you can't read what his expression means, but you can only wait for so long.

Even a short "Yep, I don't like you" would hurt less than his silence, but if there's something you've learned about life, it's that you can't always get what you want.

A few seconds go by, and you finally give up on him. You feel like the biggest idiot in the world, because you've just poured all of your thoughts and emotions out, and all you got in response was a single vowel. I. You wish you could get hit by a comet right now, or that maybe the ground could swallow you whole.

You roll your eyes, shaking your head nervously, and let out a quiet and frustrated laugh.

"I see. Okay. Fine," you use his favorite word as a way to put an end to that, then you cross your arms tightly against your chest — as if that could stop your heart from being shattered into a million pieces — and quickly make your way out of that tiny room.

"Y/N–," he tries weakly, but you're already leaving.

Beomgyu sees you on your way out, and he tries to say something, but you just rush past him to get the hell away from that place as quickly as possible.

You've never felt so humiliated, all you wanna do right now is hide in your bedroom and never come out again. Maybe you should contact your friends, or at least Giselle, but you don't feel like seeing anyone at the moment. You just wanna be alone, as you should be. That's what you deserve, apparently.

← chapter forty-six | masterlist | chapter forty-eight →

[polaroidloving]

a taste of something new — soobin x f!reader

45. help (part two) — WC: 899 (+sns)

A/N: look at them sharing one single broken braincell awwwww otp behavior me thinks

WARNINGS: cursing, mentions of sex, mentions of being under the influence of alcohol, hints of anxiety and insecurities??

playlist here | ko-fi | taglist on the reblogs — click here to join!

← chapter forty-five (part one) | masterlist | chapter forty-six →

It's not the first time you've slept on Soobin's bed, so you don't find it strange when you wake up tangled in his sheets. Your brain is still booting up, after all, so you take your sweet time to sit up, stretch your arms, and start thinking. 

However, as soon you do, you realize you're a little… underdressed. No, actually, you're not dressed at all. And that's how you start to get flashbacks from the previous night.

Your eyes bulge and your heart immediately starts to race.

Fuck.

"No, God, don't use that word right now," you hiss at yourself and slap your forehead. "Shit."

You hop off the bed and look around, finding your clothes scattered on the floor, and just the sight of that is enough to make your brain remember in full detail how it felt when Soobin removed each piece of clothing from your body, the way he touched you, the way he kissed you. 

Why did you do that? Why would you? Especially after you made him drink? Hell, does he think you took advantage of him? Are you a pervert? Is that what he thinks of you now? And why is he not there?

"Soobin?" You try to call out, peeking out the door, but you get no response. You can see the bathroom door is open, and the whole apartment is eerily silent. "Soob?" You try again, raising your voice, but… nothing. Not a peep. "Oh God, oh God, okay, don't panic. Maybe he… Maybe he went out to grab some breakfast. Maybe he sent you a text about it. He wouldn't do the walk of shame out of his own apartment, that's ridiculous… Right? No, yeah, he wouldn't, he's not like that," you try to comfort yourself while you open his wardrobe just to grab some clean clothes. 

There are a few that belong to you there, but you still grab one of his t-shirts without even thinking about it. 

Hurriedly, you look for your phone, and you find it on the bedside table, which means Soobin probably left it there for you, because you sure as hell weren't even thinking about your phone last night.

And here it comes again, another memory that makes you feel his fingers on your skin again, sending shivers down your spine. He had no right to be that good with his hands, and he shouldn't be haunting you right now.

However, there's nothing on your phone. Not from Soobin, at least. Should you text him? Or is this his way of telling you he doesn't wanna see you today? He wouldn't just fuck you and leave you, would he? You're the one who's most likely to do that, and you weren't planning on doing so. 

You actually try to text him, but every attempt sounds too awkward for you. "Where are you?" sounds too demanding, "are you buying breakfast?" is even worse, and a simple "hi" would be too dry, but sending any variations of that with emojis would be too much.

"Fucking hell, just breathe." 

You give up on trying to contact him and come up with a plan: you're gonna take a shower, get dressed, clean up the mess in his bedroom and get ready to leave. If he doesn't show up by then, then it probably means he doesn't wanna see you. 

And it's all good, it's all great, until you're actually done with everything and he's still not there. You even try to kill some time playing with Odi, but the little voice in your head insists you should just leave.

Maybe he's upset.

But why would he be upset? He seemed to be into it. Really into it. It's actually somewhat endearing to remember how he seemed to be so lost at first but still paid close attention to whatever seemed to please you the most to make sure he'd be good for you. And despite not being the most skillful partner you've ever had, it was still your best experience, because he was a quick learner, and… well, there were feelings there. Feelings that are still too new and foreign for you, but you can't keep denying their existence. 

"Do you think your dad hates me now?" You pout at the hedgehog, who's currently not even paying attention to you, too distracted with his little toy — one you helped Soobin choose.

Fine.

Five more minutes. Just five, and if he doesn't come back, you'll grab your stuff and leave. It's his last chance.

After one minute, your leg is already jerking nervously, but you act like nothing's happening.

After two, you're trying to type out a text that doesn't make you feel completely wrong, but when you reach the third minute, you give up.

By the fourth minute, you're already convinced that this is stupid, so you get up, feeling something tightening in your chest.

You hate it. You hate everything about it. You wanna talk to him, but you don't know how, and you feel like maybe he doesn't wanna talk to you, which makes you feel like you messed up, and maybe it's beyond repair this time.

With a prickling sensation in your eyes, you leave his apartment to get a cab and go back home. You just hope Sunoo is still asleep so you don't have to deal with him questioning you about what happened.

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← chapter forty-five (part one) | masterlist | chapter forty-six →

[polaroidloving]

a taste of something new — soobin x f!reader

44. you're my friend — WC: 5.4k

A/N: it is time ! this is long as fuck bc it was gonna be two separate chapters but i merged them together so......... ye. technically a double update in one!! yay!! also shoutout to that anon from the other day, you're so valid my friend!! you were so right!! anyway um. there are some spoilers in the warnings so idk beware of that?? don't wanna spoil it but kinda have to for ethical reasons ! anyway hope you enjoy it. please don't murder me. (and i changed the picture of the playlist pls appreciate it /j)

WARNINGS: the usual cursing, mentions of alcohol consumption, being (and kissing) under the influence of alcohol, insecurities, jealousy, arguing, some making out, things get a little heated so beware bc this is the chapter where the 16+ rating and the "might contain suggestive bits" we have in the masterlist warnings come into play i guess? lol but also i'm not good at writing this stuff so it's cool. (if you feel uncomfortable reading the last part of the chapter feel free to skip it!! it's nothing explicit but it's also easily skippable so don't worry)

playlist here | ko-fi | taglist on the reblogs — click here to join!

← chapter forty-three | masterlist | chapter forty-five →

A party packed with college students is definitely not Soobin's scene.

He knows it, his friends know it, you know it, anyone who looks at him for longer than five seconds knows it. It's common knowledge, it's like looking up at the sky on a sunny day and saying "hey, the sky looks blue". Of course it does. It's stupidly obvious.

Still, you somehow managed to team up with Yeonjun and drag Soobin to a party along with you. Allegedly, this was supposed to be a little get-together, just a simple fun night with friends at Yeonjun and Beomgyu's place, some games, some drinks, some food. A small party, in his best friend's words. At first, everyone was chilling, talking about the most random things, playing stupid games together, etc. But slowly, to Soobin's dismay, more and more people started to arrive.

It shouldn't be a big event, Yeonjun assured and reassured him of that multiple times, so why is it that there's what feels like a million people crowding every possible space of that apartment, drinks in hands, bodies all dancing along to some loud music with unintelligible lyrics muffled by the beats and the bass? 

This is hell.

No, this is worse than hell. Soobin is 100% convinced that not even the devil himself would like to be up there right now. 

He has watched too many people disgustingly making out, too many bodies clashing together, and he's honestly worried that someone might fuck someone else's brains out on one of his friends' beds at some point tonight. These are the times when he's thankful he no longer lives with them. Imagine the horror of having strangers contaminating his bed with their own bodily fluids! That's something he'd never want to go through, something nobody should ever go through.

His multiple attempts to find a way out of there all failed because of you. All it took was a simple whiny "come on, I promise we'll leave soon, but please let's have fun just for a little longer" and some tender kisses across his dumb fucking face, and he was incapable of saying no. 

See, Soobin's a whipped man and he admits it. 

Well, not to you or his friends or anyone who might point that out, but he still admits it to himself, and that's what matters, right? He keeps trying to believe that maybe if he changes one thing or another about himself, you'll be able to see him in a different light.

You even managed to convince him to dance to a few songs before the place became unbearably jammed, that's how head over heels he is for you. However, you don't seem to realize that not even Choi Yeonjun, the "legend" himself, is capable of getting Soobin to dance to loud music in a crowded space, fighting against the redness on his face and the self-consciousness that makes him feel like everyone's staring — especially now that his hair is blond and he constantly feels like he's standing out.

You're living proof that Lucifer was once an angel, because you, too, look like one. While you were dancing carelessly, just having fun with your friends and letting go of all your worries, carrying the most beautiful smile on your face, he watched you with wonder, silently asking himself how is it possible that someone could shine as much as you do. 

But when you tell him you're gonna get him another drink and you'll be right back, and then you leave him by himself in a corner and disappear for ten whole minutes, he fears he might find another side of you if he tries to find where you are right now.

He still does, though, because he doesn't wanna be alone in the crowd, and his friends are all busy with other people, and he's starting to feel a little anxious, despite the alcohol in his blood.

As soon as he walks into the kitchen, he regrets his decision. Actually, all of the decisions he has made this week. Perhaps this whole year.

There you are, painfully close to some guy with purple hair and a handsome face, smiling like you're standing in front of the most beautiful masterpiece you've ever seen. The guy says something, and you laugh and push his shoulder affectionately, and your voice sounds so sweet when you reply with an "oh, shut up!" that it actually makes Soobin feel sick. Is that why you've been gone for so long? Were you distracted trying to find someone who could keep you entertained? Is he that boring? Why did you insist on dragging him to this party, then? You could've just gone by yourself and you wouldn't be stuck with him right now.

But well, you've managed to get him to drink something earlier, therefore he's not entirely sober, and that's probably what gives him enough courage to put on a pretty smile and come up to you after you laugh again while touching the man's shoulder for a second (and unnecessary) time.

It's all just a play, right? He's just playing his part.

"Hey, baby." He slings an arm around your shoulders, gently pulling you closer and kissing your temple.

The other guy's smile becomes a little awkward as his eyes scan Soobin's large, tall figure. Your fake boyfriend might not be the type of guy who would beat someone up, but that random dude doesn't really give off the vibe of someone who would throw hands because of a girl who's already taken either, so he doesn't think he'll get into any trouble if he stands his ground.

"Baby?" Minho echoes, clearly lost, and redirects his gaze to you. "Didn't know you had a boyfriend, Y/N."

"Oh," you sound a little awkward at first, but you end up smiling. "Yeah, this is Choi Soobin, my boyfriend. He's best friends with Yeonjun and Beomgyu, the guys throwing this party!" Your arms go around his waist, keeping him close to make sure you actually look like a couple.

"Hey. I'm Lee Minho, nice to meet ya," the purple-haired guy says, offering his hand, and Soobin shakes it as firmly as possible, as if to demonstrate he's not as weak as he might look — spoiler: he actually is.

"Right back at you."

"So, um, I should get back to my friends now. See you guys around, though!" Minho waves briefly and leaves the kitchen at the first opportunity.

The second you get to be alone with Soobin, you roll your eyes at him and slap his arm.

"What the fuck was that about?"

"I should be the one asking you that question," he counters, letting go of you as you do the same. "Are you out of your mind? Flirting with someone else at my best friends' party? Can't you wait for just a little longer and do that next week?"

"What?" You raise your eyebrows in surprise. "I wasn't flirting!"

"Oh, yeah, you definitely weren't. Oh, Minho, you're so hot and funny and I wish I could leave this place with you, but unfortunately I still have to pretend I have a boyfriend!" He mocks your voice and shows a fake smile to go with it, gesturing his hand in a pseudo-cutesy way in an attempt to represent the way you seemed to be behaving before he showed up.

You stare at him through narrowed eyes, pressing your lips in a thin line for a moment. "Are you drunk or are you jealous right now, Choi Soobin?" 

It's his turn to scoff at your accusation, convinced that his demeanor wouldn't be enough to make you come to that conclusion.

"I'm not drunk, I didn't even drink that much. And we're not a real thing, I don't care who you kiss or wanna hook up with," he sounds a little more passive-aggressive than he'd like. However, he wouldn't want anyone to come into the kitchen and hear him saying that, so that's why he's doing his best to keep his voice at a whisper level. "But I've been forced into this fake relationship for long enough to have the right to prefer not to be tagged as the guy whose girl cheated on him. Again. So if you could j–"

While he's trapped in his little angry lecture, your eyes peek behind him for a brief moment, and in the next second you're cutting him off, pulling him by the shirt and kissing his lips hurriedly. His body responds immediately, instinctively pushing you against the refrigerator and gripping your waist as he leans down to kiss you back. He's sure you can feel his anger in the way his lips move against yours, and your mouth tastes just like the last drink you shared with him, and he hates how much he likes that.

The little moment doesn't last too more than mere seconds, though, because you're soon interrupted by the sound of Taehyun clearing his throat and Sunoo snickering.

Soobin pulls away, but not too much. He's panting slightly, his eyes are fixed on yours, and he can feel his face heating up. You lean in to steal another peck and then a smirk shows up on your lips, which only makes matters worse.

"Dude, if you need a bedroom you can use the guest one. It used to be yours, anyway," he hears Beomgyu say, which is great, because that means there are at least three people behind him right now. "Just don't contaminate my kitchen, please."

Your fake boyfriend forces out a chuckle, but lets go of your body and then shakes his head. 

See, the problem with all of this is not that he got caught kissing you, but rather the fact that you only kissed him because there were other people coming into the kitchen. He stupidly thought that maybe, just maybe, you actually wanted to kiss him, but in reality you were just trying to shut him up to make sure no one else would hear him going off about how you were clearly all over Minho just a few moments ago.

It's a blow to his face, a reminder that he's nothing but a stupid idiot, and that he should get over the desire of ever being anything to you.

And it's fine. It is. He'll be happy to be your friend! He knows you're a good friend to keep around, and he also knows you don't owe him anything, so he's not gonna be one of those guys who go around whining about being "friendzoned". He just needs to deal with the frustration of his unreciprocated feelings first.

"I was just kissing her goodbye." His eyes drop to your lips, unable to keep eye contact for too long. "I'm kinda tired, I'm going home."

"Didn't look like a goodbye kiss to me, but whatever you say." Beomgyu shrugs. "I need something from the fridge though, so can you maybe, I don't know, move the fuck away from there?"

After taking a deep breath, Soobin kisses your forehead and steps away from you.

"Have fun, baby," he tells you softly before turning around to leave. "You guys too. I'll see you tomorrow, probably."

Taehyun's suspicious gaze falls on him, but the youngest doesn't say anything. Instead, he just wishes Soobin a good night and keeps on watching.

"Wait." You reach for his arm to stop him from moving. "I'll go with you. Sunoo's probably gonna need the apartment for himself and I'll have nowhere to sleep. Can I just crash at yours tonight?"

Your roommate's face twists in utter confusion when he looks at you, but after you raise your eyebrows and gesture (not so) subtly at him, he just sighs and nods.

"Yeah, well, if everything works out I'm, uh, not leaving this place alone, so…" Sunoo trails off in an attempt to follow your blatant lie, though he's clearly holding back a smirk — while Beomgyu just watches the whole scene unfold, not understanding a single thing, and Taehyun's eyes remain focused on Soobin's figure.

The oldest has to force himself not to roll his eyes at this whole clownery, but a deep sigh still escapes from him.

"Sure. Come on, baby." He holds your hand and bows to the others.

"Tell Yeonjun the party's great! Good job, both of you. Sorry for leaving so early," you say to Beomgyu before saying your goodbyes to him and the others, and then you follow Soobin on his way out.

As soon as you're outside, he lets go of your hand and crosses his arms, not sparing a single look in your direction. You try to get his attention, but he refuses to respond, feeling too broody to engage in whatever conversation you intend to have.

It's only when both of you are in the backseat of a cab that he opens his mouth again.

"Why did you do that?"

"Did what?" You play dumb, observing him carefully. 

He can't read your thoughts, but he's still pissed about your demeanor.

"All of that. You lied. Everyone there knows you were lying and you had no reason to come along with me, but you put me on the spot. I had to say yes or else I'd look like a shitty boyfriend," he explains, doing his best to keep his voice low. 

"Should've said no, then," you shrug, "we could use that for our little show next week."

He scoffs out of frustration and runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head in disbelief. He really must look like a clown right now.

You lean closer to him, as if to analyze his face, showing a pout that makes his blood boil. Why do you have to look so adorable at all fucking times? He's trying to stay mad at you. You left him all alone in the middle of too many people just to flirt with someone else, then you kissed him just to shut him up, now you wanna pout and act like you don't know what's going on?

Maybe he deserves that. Maybe that's the universe teaching him not to be so stupid. He shouldn't be falling for someone like you, he knows it would never work out, he knows you'll never see him the same way he sees you, he knows all of this is pointless. You'll be breaking up in a week anyway, as you keep making a point of reminding him, so why is he even wasting his time trying to adjust himself to please you? He's clearly not your type. He should let it go. He should let you go.

"Why are you so mad tonight? Come on, you were having fun like twenty minutes ago," you remind him, poking his waist.

"I'm not mad," he counters, pushing your hand away, so you laugh quietly. 

"But you are! It's hot, though, so it's fine, keep it going." You cup his face and kiss his cheek, and that's enough to make him flustered, so he lets out a huff of air and looks out the window with his arms folded. "Oh, come on, are you seriously gonna keep up the attitude?"

"I'm just tired, Y/N. Can I just be quiet for a moment?"

"Okay, baby. Be quiet then." You raise your index finger to your mouth, clearly holding back a smile. "Shh, I won't say a word. Grumpy baby is grumpy," you whisper and lay your head on his shoulder.

He immediately moves it in a subtle attempt to push you away yet again, and thankfully you get the message, so you just groan and move away from him, also crossing your arms.

Needless to say, the silence that sits between the two of you for the rest of the ride is far from comfortable, but neither of you makes any effort to try and change that.

"Here," he opens the door and gestures for you to get in, "happy?"

"Yeah, I'm glowing. Wouldn't wanna be anywhere other than here, in the sweet company of such a lovely being as yourself," you poke fun at his obvious lack of humor as you step into his apartment and start to take your shoes off. 

He rolls his eyes and does the same as you as soon as he closes the door, wishing for nothing but some peace. While bending to take off his shoes, he nearly loses his balance, but his hand quickly finds the wall to keep him steady.

"Why are you even here, Y/N?" He doesn't mean to sound so dry, it just happens naturally when he's feeling overwhelmed and doesn't know how to deal with it. It doesn't help that he's still a little lightheaded.

The whole thing was a disaster and he deeply regrets even saying yes to the idea of going to that party in the first place. He can still taste the bitterness in his mouth just from seeing you act all flirty with that guy, and all he wants is to forget the past couple of hours. Maybe the past four months. His life was much easier before you came crashing his walls down.

"Because you're mad at me for some reason, and I'm not gonna have you giving me the cold shoulder for days again. We already did that once and that was more than enough," you explain, making him laugh bitterly.

"For some reason? Are you for real?" He scoffs. He can't believe it. Are you really that dense? Do you actually not see what could've happened if someone had caught you in the act? All jealousy aside, it was a risky move on your part. And now he's stuck here with you, because if he sends you back home, Sunoo's gonna be suspicious of it. "Yeah, okay, whatever. I'll make the bed for you and we can just forget everything. Okay? Great." He turns on his heels and tries to walk away, but you grab his wrist and force him to stay right there, in the small space at the entrance.

"Soobin, come on. You're not like this. Talk to me."

He groans, staring at the hand that's holding him in place as if it could contaminate him with something dangerous. He doesn't wanna do this right now, because he knows he's not sober enough — he's in this annoying in-between stage where he's not drunk, so he's kind of conscious of his actions, but he's also not completely in his right mind —, which means he's bound to say something he will regret, and he doesn't wanna deal with the consequences of anything tomorrow. 

"Hey," you insist softly, taking a step closer to him, "please." His eyes focus on your face, a frown knitting his eyebrows together. You're so fucking frustrating. "You said you weren't mad in the cab, and now you agreed that you are, and I don't know what happened. What's going on?"

"You know damn well why I'm mad, I've already told you." He shakes his wrist out of your grasp. "You left me all alone to go flirt with some other guy at my best friends' place. What more do you wanna hear?"

"I wasn't flirting."

"You were."

"I seriously wasn't!" Why do you look like you're about to laugh? Is any of this funny to you? Is his existence a joke now?

"You clearly were all over that dude, but that's not the goddamn point," he cuts off the back-and-forth, because he knows the two of you could keep it going for hours. "It's not the fact that you were flirting–" 

"I wasn't."

"– it's the fact that you were doing it in a place where you're supposed to be my girlfriend." What else could he say without giving away the fact that he is, indeed, pissed off because you were flirting with someone who wasn't him? More than that, you've never even tried to flirt with him! Not for real, at least, just as a stupid joke. Is he that unlikeable? Is he that much of a clown in your eyes? "I know we only have a few days left, but you know about my past. I don't want everyone to go around saying I'm the guy every girl cheats on just because I'm so fucking boring–"

"You're not boring."

"– that no one would want to stay with me. And more than that, what do you think would happen if Beomgyu caught you doing that at his party? After he was the one who busted Jiwon, who also happened to be a close friend of his? He'd be mad at you, and he'd be destroyed by that, because he actually cares a lot about you, and he trusts you. Like honestly, if you wanna go and make me look like the most unlovable fucking loser out there, sure–"

"I don't."

"– go ahead and do it. Be my guest. But please don't mess with my friends. This fucking idiot is a lot more sensitive than he lets on, so–"

"Soobin," you grab his hands unexpectedly, making him shut up and look at you, "stop. You're honestly using more words than you would in a whole week right now. I mean, it looks kinda hot, I gotta admit, but I'm worried your head might explode," you try to joke, but his only reaction is to roll his eyes, so you sigh in defeat. "Okay, fine. Please don't say that. I don't wanna upset Beomgyu. And I wouldn't do anything to upset you, either."

Ha, now that's ironic, isn't it? Very rich, coming from you. Hilarious.

"You literally kissed me just to shut me up," he points out.

You furrow your eyebrows and blink a few times before responding.

"Are you upset that I kissed you? Is that the problem?" Your hands still hold his own in place, and he just stares at you in disbelief for a moment. Why would he be mad that you kissed him? That's not the problem there. The problem is what led you to do that. He just said it!

"Just forget it."

"You grabbed my waist and kissed me back, though," you keep going, stopping him once again from leaving when he tries to turn around for a second time. "Baby…" Your hands carefully bring him closer, and he hates how pretty you look under the single light that illuminates the entrance while you're being so mean to his heart.

"Don't call me that," he protests and you twist your lips.

"Hm… Okay, Mr. Grumpy." Your eyes focus on his, captivating him in a way that makes it impossible for him to get away from you. "What's the matter, then? Do you think I kissed you just because I wanted to cut you off and nothing else? Is that why you're mad?"

"Yes," the word comes out without his consent, making him curse himself mentally. What the fuck, brain? 

The tiny smile painted on your mouth as realization seems to dawn on you is the cruelest thing he has ever seen, and when your right hand cups his face and your thumb traces a line under his bottom lip, he feels like he might not have enough strength to fight against whatever you're trying to do right now.

"You have the prettiest lips I've ever seen," your tone is a lot softer now, as opposed to your intense gaze that diverts between his eyes and his mouth. "Did you know that? I've kissed so many lips, but somehow you still got the prettiest ones. Sometimes I wonder how they're even real."

Why is God testing him now?

"We should just get ready for bed, we can have this conversation tomorrow. It's late and you're drunk, and you need to sleep," he finds the last drop of common sense to say, trying to ignore the fluttering in his chest, but you shake your head slightly.

"I'm not drunk."

"You're not sober either," he counters. 

You giggle and reach up to kiss his face, and he's convinced that if Satan really exists, the guy sent you to Earth specifically to tempt him. 

"Come on, baby. No, sorry, not baby. Mr. Grumpy." You pout. "Didn't you wanna keep kissing me at the party?"

"Y/N, for real, whatever you're trying to do right now, stop. You're gonna regret this in the morning."

"I won't. Do you realize how good you look tonight?" You leave another peck on his face, now on his other cheek. "I've… been wanting to kiss you all night. But– not like the little kisses you give me in front of our friends, no. From the moment we picked you up, I just wanted to push you against a wall and–"

"Stop." Fuck, you're really getting him worked up with just a few words. "You know this is wrong."

"Why would it be wrong?" You sound so genuinely confused it actually pains him.

"You're my friend."

"You're my boyfriend." One more gentle kiss is planted on his face, so close to his lips this time that he can feel his stomach twisting, so he closes his eyes and tries to fight it.

"I'm your fake boyfriend, and only for another week. After that–"

"After that, we break up and I won't see you for a while," you supply. "But that's why we should enjoy it while it lasts. We deserve it, don't you think?" You gently rub the tip of your nose on his cheek and run your fingers down his chest, and at this point he's not sure how his heart hasn't blown up yet. "Can you… just look at me? Just for a moment?"

Taking a deep breath, he allows his gaze to meet yours when you pull back. It's hard to keep his eyes trained on you, but he makes an effort to do so.

"I need you to be honest, can you do that for me?" You ask quietly while staring at him with your big doe eyes, making him forget he's supposed to be mad at you — or at least stop you from doing what you're doing — so he just nods. "Don't think about me, or the party, or the consequences right now… I wanna know what you want. If you want me to stop, just say so and I'll leave you alone, I promise. But if you don't," your noses touch and, once again, his eyes close instinctively at the proximity and the subtle change in your tone, "then I'd like it if you kissed me the way you did that day in your ki–"

Before you finish your sentence in a whisper, the fire burning his intoxicated soul has already taken over his body, so he grabs your waist and presses his lips against yours. He pushes you against the wall behind you, and when you groan softly at the impact, he knows there's no coming back from this one.

Unlike the times he's kissed you in front of other people, and unlike the delicate tone you were using on him, there's no room for sweetness or softness right now. Your lips are just as hungry as his, as if both of you have craved each other for way too long to act like anything but desperate teenagers. Reasonably enough, it only takes a few minutes for his tongue to come into play at the first opportunity he gets, deepening the kiss into something even more heated. Your hands are all over each other's bodies, grabbing, touching, pulling, feeling whatever both of you can reach, hastily taking whatever you can take from that moment.

He knows he shouldn't do this, but any sign of regret that could show up in his brain is clouded by the taste of alcohol in your mouth, the scent of your perfume, and the touch of your fingers when they find their place among the roots of his hair just to pull at them.

When he presses his right hand against the cold wall beside your head to keep some balance, he feels you holding the left one and guiding it over your body, encouraging him to explore your curves more bravely. He could probably die right now, judging by how fast his heart is beating, but he still focuses on simply feeling you.

Your teeth tug at his lower lip, and then your lips escape from his mouth just to find their way down to his jawline, leaving him to try and catch a breath as his chest rises and falls rapidly.

His eyes don't open, though, and when your kisses trail down to his neck, a soft gasp leaves his lips.

"Y/N…" His voice isn't much louder than a whisper.

"Hm?" You're still kissing and nibbling at his skin, your other hand now sneaking under his shirt to touch his stomach and send shivers running down his body.

"We shouldn't do this," he tries to fish for some last drop of sanity in his mind, but God, is it hard when you giggle against his skin and your nails run down his stomach so gently it leaves him wishing for more. "We sh– fuck, we should stop."

"You told me you'd be honest," you mumble, letting go of the hand you were guiding, but he doesn't stop ghosting it over your body and that's more than enough to make you smirk. Your lips find his mouth once again just to give him a quick peck, and the sight of you as breathless as he is could probably drive him insane. "Do you want to stop?"

His chest rises and falls in his attempt to bring his breathing down to a regular pace, he tries to fix his eyes on yours, but your red lips look far more tempting now. He wonders if you've left any lipstick stains on his skin, and if the teasing on his neck would become a hickey later. He hopes the answer is yes. He wants to feel like he's yours, even if it doesn't last long.

"Soobin," his name has never sounded so beautiful to his own ears, "stop fighting. We can stop whenever you want, but just… Just do what you wanna do right now. Please," you murmur. "I haven't touched anyone in months and I'm… dying to find out what your hands feel like when they're on me, what you look like when I turn you into a mess." You steal another quick kiss and take his hands on yours, once again guiding him through your body. "We can forget about this in the morning," you whisper against his lips. "But right now I wanna feel you. I need to feel you."

And, well, now the big problem is that there are way too many problems there.

He wants you, he feels it, and he knows it's kind of late to try and deny it when your bodies are so close that you can probably feel it too. On the other hand, he knows this is just you being sex-deprived for months when you used to get whoever you wanted, whenever you wanted. Is he willing to let you use him like that? Should he use you like that? Neither of you is sober. Besides, he's not that experienced. What if it's disappointing for you? And what if–

"Baby, stop overthinking," you whine, leaning to brush your lips over his neck again. You nibble at his skin and soothe it with your tongue, and while you encourage him to feel your body under his touch, he completely gives up on the idea of acting like a decent man. "Let me touch you… Please."

"God," that's the only thing he manages to say as the shivers move up his spine. You're gonna kill me, he thinks.

"I promise I'll be good to you. I'll teach you how to feel good." Your hands go back to his body, feeling him up and down, teasing him.

Fuck it. It's already gonna be awkward on the next day anyway, so he might as well go all in before it all burns to ashes. He flips the switch and lets his inner desires take over his actions. He might not be the most experienced person you've been with, but he's still a quick learner, and he's sure you're a good teacher, so what could go wrong?

"Fine," he mutters, letting go of you just to get rid of your shirt, and when you giggle one more time, he mirrors what you were just doing a moment ago by kissing your neck — and maybe accidentally leaving a small lovebite on your soft skin — and your collarbones, giving you the start on what's probably gonna be a long night.

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[polaroidloving]

and more…!   ©

beomgyu version

[polaroidloving]

♡ fairytales schmairytales

synopsis: you like to think fairytale romances don't exist, until you meet choi yeonjun and all of your logic and reasoning is thrown out the window.

wc: 8.1k

genre: fluff, strangers to lovers, rich kid!au

pairing: choi yeonjun x fem!reader

warnings: this happens over a span of like 5 days and they fall in love so. idk if that's unreasonable or anything just a warning

a/n: i actually came up with this plot when i was still writing for skz but never ended up writing it bc i had rly bad depression but hey. here we are. in total this took me over a year to write lmao also this is just self indulgence. pure fluff bc i needed it

playlist: itzy - surf, 1team - vibe, gfriend - creme brulee, seventeen - heaven's cloud, a.c.e - baby tonight, nct dream - dive into you

prologue.

You weren't really one to believe in love. Love at first sight, true love's kiss, the happily ever after ending, you hated all of it. Something about the way two characters' eyes would meet from across the room and they'd instantly fall in love irked you. There was no way that could ever happen — people have flaws; how would you be able to fall in love with someone without knowing their flaws? Like what if you fell in love with someone who yelled at waiters for no reason? Or someone who'd intentionally throw their garbage on the ground of a jungle gym? Or even worse, someone who'd scam people out of thousands and thousands of dollars?

What if—

"That's enough thinking for now, Einstein," Chaewon snorts. She watches as you blink lazily at her, regaining your focus. "Haven't you had enough of sulking over Sunwoo's new girlfriend? I mean it's been over 2 weeks, babe. Time to find a new cutie to cry over."

Okay, well maybe you were one to believe in love. But that was before Kim Sunwoo, your long time crush since freshman orientation, stood you up on your date that he — he — asked you out on. Not only did he stand you up for almost 2 hours in the rain, but you saw him on your way home walking around with some really cute redhead.

You really thought you had something special with Sunwoo. Ever since you two met, you thought you had hit it off well: the same sense of humour, the same music taste, the same love of barbeque eel sushi. You were in for a rude awakening when you woke up the night after your "date" and found out he made it official with the redhead from the night before.

Your first flaw is that you're way too stubborn for your own good. You have yet to confront Sunwoo about the entire date fiasco. Hell, you even have yet to see him because you've spent the past few weeks at your father's summer house in the Hamptons in pure shame and pity. You don't even know if he's noticed you've been ghosting him. You hope he has.

Yunjin nudges you with her shoulder, "You could easily find a new guy to cry over at Haknyeon's party tonight. He said some of his friends from Korea are visiting this summer so... You know..."

You slump over the table in front of you, forehead knocking obnoxiously on the hardwood. "Aren't Sunwoo and his girlfriend going to be there? Hak's like his closest friend," you whine. One of your friends brings a hand up to rub at your back as you whine some more. "Why is being 22 so hard? We're on summer break after a long year of university and the first thing that happens to me is getting my heart broken by a little balding man."

"All the more reason to go! You can flirt with a cute man, with a head full of hair, in Sunwoo's face and make him eat his own ass!" Chaewon grins enthusiastically. "I didn't drag you around the garment district for the past month looking for the perfect mini dress for you just so you could bail due to heart break."

"Also wouldn't your mom get mad over the fact you bought another three thousand dollar dress for no reason again?" Yunjin asks. "I know I'd get mad if my children threw away money like that."

Shit. The Saint Laurent dress, you had forgotten all about it. Chaewon ushered you around the garment district for so long just looking for this one dress because she said, and you quote: "Y/N, Kim Sunwoo would totally sell his stocks in his dad's company just to see you in this dress. You'd kill him. Hell, you'd kill any guy in this dress."

She wasn't wrong. You looked totally killer in the dress and for that reason, you pulled out your credit card with no hesitation. You were going to wear the dress to your date with Sunwoo, but opted for a cozy Helmut Lang romper instead. Which was a way better idea now that you think about it. How crazy would you have looked standing around in the rain, wearing a multi-thousand dollar dress waiting for a guy who was never going to show up?

Now, imagine Kim Sunwoo's face when you step into Haknyeon's townhouse wearing that dress. The embarrassment on his face when you walk past him without even glancing at him once. The shame he'll feel when you flirt with a cute man with way better hair. You can't wait.

Your second flaw, you think, is that you let your friends talk you into anything. Even if you are choosing to go to the party on your own accord, you can't forget the fact that your friends are pushing you to go.

+

"Y/N! Looking gorgeous, as always!" Haknyeon greets you at the door of his townhouse. He must be taking pity on you because he hasn't even greeted Chaewon or Yunjin as they step past him and into the mess of drunk university students. "If you need anything, scream, alright?"

Nodding, you duck underneath his arm as you try to maneuver yourself to the first floor kitchen. Nerves are eating away at you already: your brain is a pile of mush and your hands shake by your side with every step you take. Not only that, but it's super hot in the house and you're pretty sure you can feel the perspiration drip down your back and down your legs. Embarrassing.

Chaewon meets you at the island kitchen with two flutes of champagne in her hands. Handing one to you, she whispers, "There's so many cute guys here, Y/N. literally you hit the jackpot."

Accepting the flute, you begin to sip lightly as your eyes wander the corridors of the first floor. Most of these guys are familiar to you — they're either from Haknyeon's frat or they're sons of the board of directors from the Ju Limited company. Not surprising, birds of a feather flock together, or however the saying goes.

Your eyes land on one particular guy. He's tall, he's got blonde hair, and he's got the prettiest, sharpest eyes you've ever seen. He's hunched alone in the corner of the kitchen, standing pretty near the pocket doors. It seems he's been looking at you for a while because he immediately raises an eyebrow as you stare him down.

Now you do admit love at first sight is nonsense, but you also do know deep down in your guts that you're attracted to this guy. Turning back to Chaewon, you motion to the guy behind you, "Is he looking at me?"

"Yeah, he's like totally staring," Chaewon whispers. "Go talk to him."

Before you can ask Yunjin for her opinion (you know that she would agree with Chaewon no matter what), Chaewon shoves you a little and has you stumbling over your shoes in the guy's direction in no time. Luckily for you, the champagne in your glass barely sloshes around, unable to spill all over the guy's shoes.

He looks at you with a small smirk as you blink up at him, "Hi! I haven't seen you a-around here before. I'm Y/N, one of Haknyeon's friends."

You reach out a hand in his direction, which he shakes with a firm grasp. He fully smiles, all of his pearly white showing, and introduces himself. "Yeonjun. I'm a close friend of Hak's, from Korea. Nice to meet you, Y/N."

The way Yeonjun says your name has your heart picking up its pace tenfold. It's nice, almost melodic, the way your name rolls off his tongue. It reminds you of how beautiful poetry sounds when it's read outloud.

"So how's your night been?" you ask. Luckily there's barely any loud music blaring in the kitchen, so you don't have to whisper shout in hopes Yeonjun will hear you.

"It's getting better," he chuckles. "By the way, your dress is very pretty. It fits you really nice."

You curse the lack of alcohol in your system, because you can distinctly feel the way your face flames up at his compliment. Nodding, you thank him, rubbing the back of your neck in embarrassment. You look back at your friends who are giving you big smiles and waving in your direction. Yeonjun must be able to see them too, because he chuckles again.

"Are those your friends? They're cute," Yeonjun says.

The way his demeanor hasn't changed one bit has you sweating even more than before. He seemed so charming and charismatic when you first locked eyes, and even now he's smirking at you and making your heart rate spike through the roof.

The universe must hate you because before you can reply to Yeonjun, the world's worst Kim, Kim Sunwoo, greets you. You can feel the way his eyes roam up and down your figure before they reach Yeonjun. Sunwoo tsks loudly, a little unimpressed with him, "Hey Y/N. Nice dress. Yeonjun."

Yeonjun seems to feel the awkward tension between you and Sunwoo, so he steps towards you, grabbing your hand and lacing his fingers with yours. He gives Sunwoo a sup nod, pulling you with him, "Sunwoo. We were just leaving."

Replaying your thoughts from earlier in the day in your head, you don't dare spare Sunwoo a glance. Instead you keep eyes anywhere else, especially on Yeonjun. You watch as Chaewon and Yunjin send you winks as you follow him blindly.

Something in you trusts Yeonjun so easily, as he tugs you through the crowd of drunk students and pulls you up the stairs to the second floor. It's almost like something you'd see in a movie — the protagonist being swept off her feet, away from the antagonist. But would Sunwoo be the antagonist? Who would Yeonjun be? The love interest?

Internally groaning at yourself and your dumb thoughts, you shake your head. You don't believe in fairytales. This is not a fairytale, Y/N.

Your third flaw: you allow your mind to wander aimlessly, even going so far as to imagine yourself getting whisked away into marriage by a cute guy you met less than 15 minutes ago.

+

"So what have you been doing in New York this past week?" you ask Yeonjun.

You've been laying on his bed for over an hour now, eyes fixed on the chandelier that hangs right above you. You've been talking nonstop about his flight from Korea to New York, your major in humanities, and your disdain for drinking anything type of alcohol but champagne.

"Touristy things. Taking pictutes mostly. But touristy things nonetheless," Yeonjun replies.

His eyes have been glued to your figure the entire time you've been here. They never seem to leave you, not even when you look back at him with an eyebrow raised.

"That sounds... fun? Huh. Why do you keep staring at me like that?" you frown. "Is there something on my face?"

Yeonjun stifles a laugh and shakes his head, "No! I've just been thinking... You'd make the perfect muse for my portfolio."

Perfect... muse...?

You give him an 'are you serious' look and this time Yeonjun actually laughs out loud. His eyes crinkle up into little crescant moons. It feels like time has stopped around you — the ticking of the obnoxious grandfather clock sitting in the corner of the room dissipating into thin air. His smile out-radiates the chandelier above you and you can feel your heart practically slamming itself again your ribcage.

Your heart and your mind are moving way too fast for your liking. You barely have any alcohol in your system and you're already thinking of pulling Yeonjun into a kiss—

"Would you want to?" Yeonjun's sudden question snaps you out of your thoughts and you tilt your head in question. "Be my muse?"

Your heart completely falls out of place and into your stomach. You don't think you can nod any faster than you already are.

"Great."

Fourth flaw? Maybe agreeing to things without thinking them through first, but really... What could go wrong?

day four.

Yeonjun calls you out to Central Park two days after the party. It was a little out of the blue, you got the call around 10:27am, just when you were about to leave your bed to order some bagels to your apartment. You left your apartment in some black Prada dress and a pair of sandals, with your hair still wet and your makeup not set.

Yeonjun meets you at a hot dog stand with his hair slicked back and a grin on his face, "Fresh out of the shower? You must have been eager to see me."

You scoff, eyes rolling. "You wish."

"Mhm, totally," Yeonjun laughs. Looking at the camera hung around his neck, your eyes begin to travel his body. "What?"

"It's 94 degrees out right now and you're standing right here underneath the blazing sun with a knit cardigan around you? Are you crazy?" you ask, dumbfounded. As nice as he looks, you know it's way too hot for any type of cardigan in this weather. "How about we—"

You're cut off by the sound of a shutter going off. narrowing your eyes at Yeonjun, he just motions for you to continue talking as if nothing was going on. As if he wasn't just taking a picture of you talking.

You pout, "I thought we were taking pictures doing touristy things? You know?" Turning to the hot dog vendor, you ask for 2 hot dogs. You pay with the cash Yeonjun handed you earlier and take the change from the vendor.

Yeonjun continously snaps pictures of you, even as you're being handed said hot dogs and squirting ketchup and mustard on them. He hums, "What's more touristy than eating hot dogs in Central Park?"

Taking the two hot dogs, you begin to walk around the park as Yeonjun mindlessly follows you, looking for a better angle to shoot you at. Luckily today is bright and sunny and you look effortlessly stunning in the sunlight.

"I think we should go to the Empire State Building," you state, three bites into your hotdog.

You had finally gotten Yeonjun to give up on his knit cardigan. Deciding to be a gentleman, he draped it along the grass so the two of you could sit down and eat your hotdogs peacefully. You didn't expect him to be wearing a sleeveless button up underneath. It takes a lot of strength to just not eye his arms.

Yeonjun looks at you, confused, almost like he had forgotten his earlier question. "Why?"

"It's such a touristy thing to do!" you exclaim, taking a bite of your hotdog. The ketchup and mustard smear around the corners of your mouth.

Yeonjun gives you his hotdog to hold for a second and you look at him with an eyebrow raised. It hits you once the camera is lifted in front of his face again, shutter going off quickly.

"Why would you do that!" you complain. "I have sauce all over my face! At least get one where I don't look gross."

"Why not? You looked so cute, confused and covered in ketchup," Yeonjun shrugged. He puts the camera back down and leans over, your bare shoulders brushing. "Look at me."

Feeling shy, you turn in Yeonjun's direction, but make sure not to look at him. You're a cynic, sure, but right now, you know that your heart is racing to no end due to the fact that Yeonjun is so close. It also doesn't help that heat must be radiating off your face like it's full of boiling water.

"I said look at me," Yeonjun repeats. You finally look into his eyes and he smirks, bringing his thumb up to the left corner of your mouth and swiping the condiments off your face gently. You watch as he licks the sauce off his thumb then repeats his actions to the other side.

If your heart was racing before, well, you're about to flatline now as your breath hitches in your throat.

Your thoughts are swarming. The first of Yeonjun's few flaws is that he's able to get your heart racing over nothing. He can manage to get you flustered and warm faced in under ten seconds, tops.

Your fifth flaw is that you can easily get flustered over something like this. Heart fluttering gestures always get you going, no matter who's doing it to you.

Yeonjun can only laugh at your flustered state as he grabs your cheeks in his hand, "Don't forget to breathe. You'll die if you don't."

Huffing, you tear your eyes away from his face as you frown, "Would rather die to be honest."

Yeonjun only laughs harder as he pulls away to grab his camera again; this time taking a picture of your pouting face.

Yeonjun's second flaw, you think, is that he has too much fun teasing you. Like he finds actual joy in the way you pout at him to delete those pictures.

"So the Empire State Building, huh? Sure, but isn't it like way pricey to see the very top?" Yeonjun asks, leaning back on his hands once he's finished his hot dog. He watches as you chew slowly, your eyes following the pigeons that walk around the park in search of food.

Picking some bread off your bun, you toss it towards the pigeon closest to you. Then you turn to Yeonjun and shrug, "Yeah, but money isn't really a problem for me."

"Oh, okay. We'll go once you're finished then," Yeonjun hums and turns to focus on the pigeon who comes closer to you, probably wanting more food. He picks up his camera and gets up from his spot to kneel a few feet away. He quickly snaps a few shots of you throwing pieces of your hotdog bun to the pigeon. You're smiling in one of them, unbeknownst to you.

+

"The total is two hundred dollars and thirty four cents," the attendant at the window tells you. The two hour wait in line better be worth it, you think. You've actually never been to the Empire State Building before, despite being a New York resident for your entire life.

You smile at her and then look at Yeonjun, raising an eyebrow, "Do you have my purse?"

Yeonjun makes a face at you and shrugs, "I thought you didn't bring a purse?"

Your expression of nonchalance quickly changes to one of confusion, then one of frustration. You really didn't bring anything with you? How stupid of you—

Before you can continue scolding yourself in your mind, someone in line behind you begins to complain, so you quickly apologize to the attendant before pulling Yeonjun with you towards the building's exit. You huff, looking up at Yeonjun with a dejected look on your face, "I'm so sorry, Yeonjun—"

"Hmm, don't worry about it, yeah? We can always come back tomorrow. And besides, I really only wanted to take pictures of you and the view, so don't sweat it," Yeonjun replies lightheartedly. He takes one of your cheeks between his fingers and squeezes lightly, causing you to whine. "Cheer up! Let's go do something else."

You think your sixth flaw is that you get upset really easily, even over the smallest things. You think your small mistake will put a big damper on the mood.

But Yeonjun's third flaw is that he doesn't blame you for small mistakes and he's quick to cheer you up, even if he hasn't known you for very long.

As you two stand outside the Empire State Building, Yeonjun suddenly seems to have an idea! moment as he snaps his fingers. He watches as you frown at him in confusion, eyeing him as he picks up his camera and takes pictures of you. Those are probably going to be the worst pictures of you ever taken because A.) you're in a bad mood due to some stupid mistake you made and B.) Yeonjun is literally taking pictures of you glaring at him in confusion. You hope he isn't going to get these printed in the future or anything because you would hate to see yourself like this.

Once he finishes (not that it takes very long), Yeonjun makes his way back to you and laces your fingers together, slowly pulling you through the streets of Manhattan.

He leads you to a small pizza place, where he finally looks at you for the first time in a while. Yeonjun mirrors your frown as the two of you enter the pizza place.

"Come on, Y/N, cheer up! I'll buy you an entire pizza," Yeonjun pleads, small smile on his face as you make your way to the counter. "I promise we'll go back there tomorrow."

Yeonjun's promise makes your heart ache; not to mention the amount of effort he's putting into cheering you up. You don't think Sunwoo would even notice if you were upset.

"Fine," you grumble.

And as if on cue, Yeonjun smiles and kisses your temple, as he whispers, "That's my girl."

Your heart doesn't stop racing the entire time you're in the pizza place. It doesn't even stop racing on the subway ride to your apartment.

+

After an extra large pepperoni pizza, you find yourself laying on your bed, face inches away from Yeonjun's. He's much prettier up close; bright eyes, button nose, pouty lips... He is exactly a man fresh from a fairytale. Except fairytales don't exist.

You sigh and watch as Yeonjun brings up two fingers to press gently on your cheek, "What're you thinking of?"

"Mm, nothing really," you mutter, reaching up to grab at his hand. "How much longer are you staying in New York?"

Yeonjun's eyes leave yours to admire the butterfly lights that decorate your bedframe. He frowns, "3 more days."

Your mouth drops into an "o" shape as you process his words. Shifting yourself into a more comfortable position, you ask quietly, "And for those remaining 3 days, what will you do?"

Another flaw of yours is that you tend to get your hopes up. The dying hopeless romantic in you hopes that Yeonjun will want to spend his remaining days with you. But you feel like you know he won't.

Yeonjun chuckles as he brings his eyes to yours again, "Continue to take pictures of you."

Your breath hitches once again. There's no way he wants to spend the rest of his trip following you around New York and taking pictures of you. You probably won't ever see him again after this, so why would he?

"What?" he asks, as you continue to eye him. "Can't spend my days with a beautiful girl?"

"Hmm, no," you reply, the confusing glint in your eyes quickly replaced with a playful one. You lace your fingers together as you smirk, "What if I get tired of you within those 3 days?"

"I'll make sure you won't," Yeonjun smirks back. He brings your hand up to his lips to press a chaste kiss on the back of it as he gets up. "Well, today was fun! I'll see you tomorrow; don't forget your purse this time. Have a good night, yeah?"

As Yeonjun makes his way around your bed, he doesn't forget to kiss your cheek before he leaves. The racing of your heart at his little actions leave you breathless and unable to sleep the entire night.

day three.

You meet Yeonjun at the Empire State Building at the tip top of the morning (read: it's 10:30am) in a little Chanel number and matching strappy purse. You had to not only double, but triple check that you actually brought your purse with you and that your wallet was actually inside of it.

"Ponytail today?" Yeonjun's voice came from behind you as you turn to meet his gaze. He's clad in a sleeveless turtleneck and some checkered pants. "Cute."

At his observation and simple response, you could feel heat around your neck area. You find it completely unfair that he could rile you up with just a simple smile and three words. You haven't even known him that long either, which makes you feel even worse.

Still, you smile back at him and thank him. One of his hands travels down to your waist and pulls you close, your heart nearly erupting out of your chest at the action.

"How are you feeling?" Yeonjun asks, eyes looking down at your outfit. "Oh, and you brought your purse today, that's good."

"Um, I couldn't sleep well last night," you grumble. "So I had to make up for it with two layers of concealer. I probably look horrible."

"Hmm, I didn't notice. Let me see your face," Yeonjun replies. He lets go of your waist so he can cup both of your cheeks, eyes scanning your face for any sort of imperfection. This action has you incredibly nervous for some reason, like you're almost terrified of looking less than perfect for him. But Yeonjun just pulls back with a smile as you narrowly avoid eye contact. "You look the same way you did yesterday: perfect. Sure you've got a little puffiness under your eyes, but that just adds to your cuteness."

The couple behind you just coos at how adorable they think the interaction is — this makes you want the building to open up and swallow you whole. How does Yeonjun know just what to say to get your heart racing? Are you actually falling for it?

Groaning internally, you pout at Yeonjun who just smiles at you, "What? You are very cute."

You frown, "Can't you tell me I look bad or something?"

"Okay, fine. You look like crap," Yeonjun deadpans, to your dismay.

"Yeonjun!"

A camera is quickly shoved in your face and the shutter goes off as you frown at him even more.

"What? You told me to say that," Yeonjun chuckles, as he brings the camera back down.

You huff and Yeonjun grabs one of your hands, bringing it up to his lips to kiss it quickly, "I'm just kidding. You look very lovely this morning, even with very little sleep."

Compared to your heart, the line moves abysmally slow, and you inch towards the attendant every ten or so minutes. You wish that the line would disappear so you could this over with quickly. You're not sure you can take your heart racing for the next hour or so.

+

The trip to the very top of the Empire State Building is not worth the two hundred dollars you gave the attendent, you figure. You're glued to Yeonjun's side as he snaps photos of the breathtaking view, which you think is rather mundane. You could easily get this view from Chaewon's penthouse if you tried hard enough.

"Anything the matter?" Yeonjun asks, eyes still trained on the buildings that stretch beyond his view. "You've been frowning the entire time we've been here."

"I just thought, I don't know, that it would be better?" you shrug. Yeonjun just laughs at your response, pulling you in front of him so he can get pictures of you frowning at the scenery. He puts the camera down for a split second to gesture at you to pose better. "Do I really have to pose?"

Despite your whine, you make sure your back is erect as you force a smile at him. Then you hold out a hand so it looks like you're holding all of these little buildings in your palm.

Suddenly, a woman begins to whisper to Yeonjun, who only smiles and nods in return. He hands her the camera and rushes over to your side, wrapping an arm around your waist, pulling you flush into his side. The two of you pose for a while, smiles on your faces as the woman takes photos.

She hands the camera back to Yeonjun, smiling, "Such a beautiful couple. Have a great rest of your day, you two!"

Before you can refute her claims, Yeonjun waves at her, "Thank you, goodbye!"

You look at Yeonjun with an accusatory stare, hands planted on your hips and all, as he grins sheepishly, "That was the only way I could get photos of us together."

You purse your lips, nodding at him. He grabs a hand and interlocks your fingers as he leads you to the elevator, his bare arm pressing against yours, "Lunch?"

"Of course. What do you suppose we do after lunch?" you reply, squeezing past the family of 7 who just stepped off the elevator. You hold the doors open for a few more people and then look up at Yeonjun, who's been watching you the entire time.

"Mm, we can go to Hak's place and I can take pictures of you being domestic," Yeonjun suggests.

"Are you suggesting I cook for you?" you ask.

"Maybe."

Another one of Yeonjun's flaws is that he makes even the most boring of things seem fun. You can't cook, but for him, you will surely try.

Your flaw? Easily agreeing to anything Yeonjun suggests, because maybe, you're just a smidge attracted to him. Yes, just a smidge.

+

Cooking turned out to be a total disaster. You burnt the onions and the garlic, left the pasta noodles in the water till they were mushy, and you set the bread on fire. Not bad for your second try cooking.

The everso lovely Yeonjun managed to get all of it on photo — from your panicked state at the small flames on the sourdough to your confused expression when you checked on the penne. You have half of a mind to tell him to stop taking pictures of you, but the other half convinces you that once he stops, you won't have anything else to do.

Yeonjun finally submits your uberEats order and turns to you with a shit eating grin on his face, "Wasn't that fun?"

"Watching me set fire to bread is fun?" you frown, taking the seat on Haknyeon's leather couch furthest from Yeonjun. You bring your legs up so your feet rest on his lap.

"Yes," Yeonjun laughs. The sound set off an eruption of butterflies in your stomach. He smiles at you then, soft and tender, "Don't worry, I'll cook for you next time. But I won't set the bread on fire."

Your heart sort of hiccups at the mention of a next time. What does he mean? Like as in tomorrow, next time? Or a completely different next time?

You don't want to get your hopes up, so you ask, "What do you mean by next time?"

"Like when I come back to see you," Yeonjun answers matter-of-factly. "Did you think I was just going to take a bunch of pictures of you and then never see you again?"

"To be honest, yeah..." you mumble, hiding your face behind your hands. Yeonjun's words got you dizzy — the fact that he wants to travel just to see you again makes your mind go blank.

"Why? You're my muse," Yeonjun muses. "I could never just leave you like that."

Yeonjun's newest flaw is that he knows just what to say to you, as if he can read your mind. He knows just what to say to leave you a flustered mess, mind both empty and full of racing thoughts at the same time.

"Would you actually fly back to see me?" you ponder. A pout graces your features and you watch as Yeonjun's eyes flicker back and forth between your eyes and lips.

"Anytime you want me to," Yeonjun grins. "C'mere."

He opens his arms and gestures for you to come over. You shift and crawl into his arms, head pressed against his chest so you can hear his heartbeat. Yeonjun begins to hum as he rubs a hand up and down your back.

Mesmerized by the timber of Yeonjun's voice and his soft breaths, you close your eyes and begin to think about how this feel so natural. You have never even met Yeonjun before, but this seems... almost like it was meant to be. Your friendship (if you could call it that) and everything leading up to this feels pure. Yeonjun just nuzzling his nose into your hair as you cuddle? Almost instinctive. You and Yeonjun have come together so easily; it seems like you and him being this close is just your usual everyday shenanigans.

But the way your heart has been racing reminds you it's nothing of the sort.

Logic and reasoning be damned. If fairytales are real, so be it. For now, you want to believe in love at first sight and happy endings.

day two.

You agree to meet Yeonjun at the Nintendo NYC store, to his very, very annoying insistence. He greets you with an iced coffee and a kiss to the cheek — something you find you need every morning now.

"I thought it would be nice to get matching plushies," Yeonjun grins as he leads you into the store.

Despite living in New York, you've never actually been to this store, not even when Sakura begged and begged you for weeks. So stepping foot in it now with Yeonjun feels like you're on an entirely different planet.

Yeonjun reaches behind him and laces your free hand with his. When you raise an eyebrow at him, he winks, "You know, just in case you get lost or something."

You scoff playfully and roll your eyes, yet still allow him to drag you around the store excitedly. He pulls you towards the Pokemon display and ushers you beside the main character.

"Say cheese!" Yeonjun grins as he brings his camera up towards his face. You huff, squatting down to the character's level, and put up two peace signs, one near your face and the other behind the main character's head. "Okay, one more!"

You hastily change your pose this time and frame your face with your hands like a flower. Yeonjun's smile grows even bigger at your uncertain smile and your clumsiness, as you fall from your squat getting up from your pose.

"Have I ever told you how cute you are?" Yeonjun asks as his hand finds yours again, pulling you up the stairs of the store.

"You only say it like every two hours, Yeonjun," you laugh in reply.

"Well, I mean it!" Yeonjun retorts. He pulls you towards the Animal Crossing display with ease, eyes trailing over the available plushies.

There's a little girl debating on which plushie she should get, and in her hands is the last Reese plushie. Yeonjun lets go of your hand to bend down to her level as he smiles at her.

"Hi! Are you getting the last Reese plushie?" he asks her.

"I'm not sure," she shrugs at him.

"Well, I was wondering if you could give it to me so my girlfriend and I could get matching Reese and Cyrus plushies. We really wanted to get them so she won't forgot me when I go back home," Yeonjun explains.

You watch as the girl's eyes go big as she looks at you and she hands the Reese plushie over to Yeonjun, "Oh! Sure! I hope you and your girlfriend can get married like Reese and Cyrus."

Yeonjun just chuckles at her response as he replies, "Thank you! Have a good day."

Yeonjun then comes back to you with the Reese plushie in one hand and a Cyrus plushie in the other. You glare at him with your hands on your hips, and Yeonjun takes this oppurtunity to shoot a picture of you and Tom Nook in the background.

"What?" he asks sheepishly as you take the plushies from his hold. "I had to! How else were we supposed to get matching plushies?"

"Not by lying to little girls!" you huff. His arm then sneaks around your shoulder as you walk towards the Lego section. "Thank you though, these are really cute."

"Yeah, yeah. Which do you want? Personally I want Reese," Yeonjun comments. You turn to him with yet another pout and he, like always, just laughs. "What? She's cute, she reminds me of you."

"So I get Cyrus then?" you ask in return and Yeonjun nods. "Then I'll call him Jjunnie."

"Good," Yeonjun says.

The look of fondness on Yeonjun's face as he smiles at you is something you don't think you could ever forget. The tenderness behind his eyes as he looked at you will be something you could find yourself remembering forever; the image etched into the back of your eyelids so even when you close your eyes you can see it.

+

Yeonjun's blazer works itself as a makeshift blanket as you lay on it, waiting for Yeonjun to return from his trip to the sandwich store.

Yeonjun consumes your thoughts as you blink up lazily at the clouds in the bright blue sky, the curls in your hair cushioning your head.

Yeonjun is not just some guy you met a few days ago, you think. Yeonjun is the man of your dreams — patient, caring, and kind as he presses chaste kisses into the palm of your hand without a care in the world. Yeonjun is the person who holds your hand when you're anxious and whispers sweet nothings in your ear to calm you down. Yeonjun is—

Yeonjun is hovering right above you, face a mere few inches from yours as he blinks down at you, "I got us meatball subs."

"Did you also get fries?" you ask, sitting up. Yeonjun dusts off your back and your shoulders as you make room for him on his blazer.

"Yes, just like you asked," he nods. He sits down and hands you a sub, warm and toasty. "I didn't know what drink you wanted so I just got you a lemonade."

"Good," you say, already digging into your sub. "I love lemonade."

"You're like the girl of my dreams," Yeonjun says nonchalantly.

That alone has you choking on a meatball and coughing into your hand. Yeonjun brings a hand up to gently hit your back, trying to get the meatball out of your esophagus.

If you were the girl of his dreams before, you certainly aren't now after your entire choking fit. You turn to Yeonjun with tear-lined eyes and a blank stare.

"Too much?" Yeonjun asks with a playful smile. You nod and Yeonjun laughs, continuing, "I know we haven't known each other long, but there's just something about you. I feel like I've known you forever and at the same time, I want to get to know you more. You're like some sort of paradox I dreamt up, but you're real."

The tears start cascading down your cheeks and you must think you look stupid as hell, crying while eating a meatball sub. It totally doesn't help that you've got marinara sauce around your mouth.

Instead of taking a picture of you looking like a mess, like he always does, Yeonjun puts his sub down, grabbing your face and pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. He then trails his thumbs up and down your cheekbones, collecting your tears.

"You know, you're kinda funny— tearing up while eating your meatball sub. You're so cute, Y/N. You make me wanna stay with you forever," Yeonjun mumbles as he wipes away the last of your tears. You let out a giggle at his statement and a soft smile appears on his face at the sound of your laughter. "There she is. Keep smiling, yeah?"

You scoff a bit, but continue smiling nonetheless as Yeonjun drops his hold of your face and goes back to eating his sub. His words ring throughout your mind as you bring your attention back to your sub.

You make me wanna stay with you forever...

Right. Yeonjun is leaving tomorrow. There's a sudden weight placed on your shoulders and you can help but deflate with a sudden dull aching in your system. Tomorrow you have to say goodbye to the man who's kept you on your toes for a while. The same man who made your heart race with every smile and every laugh and every snort and every scoff. A part of you wants to go to the airport before his flight and beg him to stay. But why?

Another of Yeonjun's flaws is that he has you questioning yourself for no good reason. He causes madness and confusion and chaos. Your flaw is that you accept it readily with open arms.

+

Yeonjun sits on the plush rug of your bedroom, focus concentrated on the Nintendo Lego set placed in front of him. He sticks his tongue out the side of his mouth as he focuses on sticking blocks together. He looks really cute with his messy hair and his glasses on the tip of his nose.

Yeonjun's camera is discarded on your bed, at your feet. You grab it and look at Yeonjun through the viewfinder. He doesn't pay you any mind as he continues building his set. The shutter goes off as you press the capture button at the perfect moment.

Yeonjun looks up at you in surprise then as you continue capturing photos of him in his element, "What are you doing?"

"I'm taking pictures of you," you answer, taking another photo of Yeonjun's blank stare. "Why?"

"It should be the other way around," he replies, getting up from his spot and making his way to the bed. He takes a seat in front of you, sitting on his feet as he places his hands on his knees, looking at you with an eyebrow raised as if to challenge you.

You raise the camera back up to your face and bring the viewfinder to your eye, pressing the capture button as Yeonjun lunges toward you, hands reaching for the camera. Quickly, you raise the camera as high as you can, hoping Yeonjun's arms aren't long enough to reach. Instead of sitting up right, Yeonjun pushes you onto your back and he hovers above you, only a hairs length away.

You watch as his eyes travel up and down your face, stopping at your lips. Sighing, you place the camera on your bedside table then wrap your arms around Yeonjun's neck, pulling him closer to you.

He's the one who presses his lips to yours as his hands find your waist. He tastes of iced coffee as you smile into the kiss, trying to pull Yeonjun closer than he already is. With a tilt of his head, Yeonjun deepens the kiss. The dull ache in your bones from before is gone — it's been replaced with adrenaline, the electricity between you and Yeonjun keeping your head up in the clouds. You're dizzy with relief as Yeonjun pulls away, brushing some hair out of your face as he smiles at you.

"Sorry. Been wanting to do that for a while now," he chuckles, running a hand through his hair.

"Oh, don't w-worry about it," you laugh as well, "I really liked it."

"Oh? Good," Yeonjun smiles. The warmth of his smile knocks the breath out of you as he leans back down again, capturing your lips in another kiss.

You swear you were very quick to notice things like this, but maybe not this time. The way you feel right now about Yeonjun is like standing in shallow water. Something happens — a smile, a laugh, a lingering stare — and all of sudden a large wave comes and knocks you down. It takes a while to get up, for your heart to stop racing from the adrenaline, to dry yourself of the water, but then another thing happens and you're knocked down again.

And it happens over and over and over again till you're held underwater by the crushing ache of your heart, unable to breathe. But then Yeonjun just looks over at you with a soft smile, then a wink, followed by a giggle when he notices your flustered state and then all of a sudden, you're released. It's like you've taken your first breath of air; your lungs no longer suffering from lack of oxygen and you can breathe again.

Again, another of Yeonjun's flaws is that he can make you feel like you're drowning, but at the same time, he's also the one pulling you up for air. It's quite a confusing feeling.

day one.

After waking up in Yeonjun's arms, you reach for your clock. It reads 12:17pm. Yeonjun's flight is in four hours. You turn around and peck his chin, hoping that he wakes up from the light sensation.

"Yeonjun, we should really get up now. You've got to head to Hak's and get your things," you mutter. You lightly trace Yeonjun's features with your index finger and his eyelashes flutter in response.

"What if I don't want to go?" he whines, pulling you closer to him. "What if I wanna stay here with you?"

You laugh, cupping his cheeks between your hands, "You have to go back. Your mom will be sad if you don't show up at the airport."

"She'll understand— young love and being impulsive, yadda yadda," he replies with his eyes still closed.

You scoff, "You're really going to stand your mom up at the airport?"

"It's not like I haven't done it before," Yeonjun mumbles.

"You're such a bad son!" you exclaim.

"I'll just FaceTime her! I'll explain everything to her," Yeonjun retorts. "'Mom, I fell in love at first sight with this girl wearing a three thousand dollar dress and now I'm going to live out my dreams as her freelance photographer!'"

"Wait, Yeonjun, what did you say?" your jaw hangs slack at his statement and just in time, Yeonjun opens an eye. He picks up his phone and takes a photo of you with your jaw hanging open.

"What? That I fell in love with you at first sight?" Yeonjun shrugs like it's not a big deal. "I just saw you and knew that you were the one."

"Yeonjun, you can't just say that!" you whine. "You can't just get my heart racing and then leave me for Korea!"

"Exactly why I'm staying," Yeonjun mumbles, nuzzling his nose into your neck. "I want to stay with you. And I want to love you. And I want you to love me back."

You let out a groan at his words and shut your eyes tight.

"Fine," you mumble. Yeonjun just grips your waist tighter at your response.

Yeonjun's last flaw? He makes you believe in fairytales. He gets your heart racing at his cheesy lines, he pours his heart out to you, and he falls in love with you within a week. He confesses to you in your bed and he tells you he wants to stay with you. He nuzzles his sleepy face into your neck and falls asleep like that, as if you weren't having a very important conversation before.

He treats you the way you deserve to be treated, even you make little mistakes. He doesn't blame you for mishaps and he doesn't yell at you for wrongdoings. Instead, he kisses your forehead and tells you it'll be okay and he wipes your tears away with little strokes of his thumb. He kisses your cheek good morning and he kisses your cheek goodnight. He makes you believe that you are easy to love — that you are lovable. That you are flawless.

And the one thing that gets you is that you feel the same way. Yeonjun is the man of your dreams — someone you haven't known for very long, but there's just something about him. You feel like you've known him forever and at the same time, you want to get to know him more. He's like some sort of paradox you dreamt up, but he's real. You were right the first time you thought this. Yeonjun is the man of your dreams — patient, caring, and kind as he presses chaste kisses into the palm of your hand without a care in the world. Yeonjun is the person who holds your hand when you're anxious and whispers sweet nothings in your ear to calm you down.

Fuck Sunwoo and whatever he did to you. Fuck the you of the past — the cynical, bitter girl who didn't believe in love at first sight and fairytales and true love's kiss. Your last flaw is that you'll let Yeonjun make you believe in fairytales. Whatever this is, you love it. You don't think you could ever get enough.

Yeonjun is the prince in the every fairytale and you are his princess. The you of the past be damned, this isn't something you could have ever seen coming. Yeonjun makes you believe in love. And you're kind of happy about that.