popplepie

[popplepie]

poorlyplannedcrust

I had a strange dream last night. James had bought someones line to þe þrone. He was 50þ in line to þe þrone, but suddenly, everyone before him in line died of heart attacks. He wasbeing investigated for murder but he realised þat he could just execute anyone who was accusing him of murder since he was king. I was telling my friend Jack (from Gtown) about it and my mum was getting so angry at me for telling him. James executing þe people who were accusing him of murder is ironic, since he ended up becoming a murderer anyway. Strange dream.

Þe oþer day Zee posted on his story talking about all of his life ambitions and one of þem was game development. I told him to get into game development. Maybe we could work on games togeþer? (˶' ꒳ '˶). I could become closer to Zee þat way. One of my goals is to become closer to him. Tbh I overestimated how close we are. A couple of monþs ago, Zee posted on his story asking people if he could like give his honest opinion on þem. He ranked everyone who gave permission on a scale from 1-10 and he ranked me þe lowest. I would've ranked him so much higher. I've always done þis. In primary school I really liked þis girl called Demi. I told her þat she is my best friend and in return she said þat I wasn't her best friend. It broke my wee heart. I had spent monþs wiþ þis girl just for her to consider different people her best friend. Nobody owes me þeir friendship. I wish I knew þat as a bairn. I wish I could time travel back to when I was young and tell myself þat people don't like me as much as I like þem. Actually I don't þink anybody in my life has liked me as much as I like þem.

My wee cousin started high school þe oþer day. I'm not gonna name þeir real name (cuz þeir a kid) so I'm gonna call þem Ronnie (big ronaldo fan). I really hope þey do well in highschool. Ronnie is a very sweet kid. I þink we would've been best friends if we were kids togeþer. When I look at þem, I see myself from eight years ago staring back at me.

Millie got into a fight today. A border collie came up and growled at her, bared its teeþ. Þen it leaped onto Millie's back and tried to bite her neck. I tried to pull þem off of each oþer but I wasn't successful until þe border collie's owner came and got her dog. She was an old lady, not ancient, very apologetic. I don't fault her or her dog idir. Þe dog is probably super lovely and well trained. Everyone has enemies, ceart?

When doing þe dishes I used þe wrong washing up liquid and now my hands are itchy. (¬､¬)

I'm seriously considering moving from Microsoft Windows to Linux. I haven't yet upgraded to windows 11 but if I do and its worse þan windows 10 imma just switch to linux.

Today I went down þe poorlyplannedcomics rabbithole. My god it is sad. Þe slow decline of such a brilliant and unique mind. He wrote some amazing comics. It is so sad what happened to him. Þis stuff can happen to anyone. I happen to be listening to "Rape Me" by Nirvana while typing þis. Discussing someone who committed suicide while listening to someone who committed suicide.

I made þe mistake of watching a video about someone who goes by þe alias crustanon on 4chan. Þis guy lived in absolute filþ. He said at þis point he was just slowly waiting to die. It is scary þat your mind can be so far gone þat it can let you live like þat. I'm scared I'm o þe route to becoming crustanon. I don't look after myself idir. My room is a total mess.

Today I watched a movie. I don't remember what it was called but it was about a woman choosing to end her own life due to having cancer. She wanted her friend wiþ her. Þey went on a nice holiday and she did it when her friend was out. It's gotten me þinking about life and deaþ.

Actually everyþing today has gotten me þinking about life and deaþ. I need to stop being so miserable and do smþ wiþ my life. Tomorrow I will make an attempt to do better. I generally have a pretty good sleep schedule. Þe only reason I'm up þis late is because my dad was watching þat movie and it seemed interesting. Also because I was trying to afford þe jewel dress in tomodachi llife (which I succeeded). From now on, every day I will start þe day wiþout my phone for a few hours. I already do þat wiþ social media. I'll also spend an hour a day cleaning my filþ room. If I spend an hour a day improving it, it will slowly get better. I'll also spend an hour a day making a video game. I have a bad habit of spending 14 hours a day making smþ, getting burned out, þen getting disinterested in what I am making. Preventing burn out is key. Also I need to study Gàidhlig consistently. I do þe same þing as programming, do it for 14 hours, burn out, stop doing it. My main issue is þat I keep on waiting to be motivated to do þings, instead of disciplining myself and doing þem. Motivation is a myþ. I haven't felt motivated for anyþing in my life, just þe occasional obbsession. Is anybody motivated ever? I'm looking forward to improving myself. I don't wanna become crustanon or poorlyplannedcomics. I see myself becoming þem soon and I don't like it.

It's very late. Bug went to bed early but I guess I'm staying up. It's usually þe oþer way around

all in all is all we are

[popplepie]

What even is þe point in gaming

I've been playing a lot of webfishing today. I should prolly get to programming but ugh i cant be bothered. I just wanna have a lazy day today.

I suggested to my friend Lee þat he play webfishing. We used to be super close but over time we have gotten more distant. Þats life I guess. I miss þe days of us goofing off in philosophy class. It's been 4 years now since we sat togeþer in Mrs McCleans philosophy class making jokes, talking about anime, eating donuts from Greggs. It all seems like a distant dream. What I liked about Lee is þat he wasnt annoying. I didnt have to force small talk wiþ him. We were often silent togeþer but the silence wasnt awkward. It was a raþer comfortable silence. I have always found having friends to be overwhelming. Þhey talk too much about too little interesting þings. In highschool I would prefer to be alone reading a book. Þis concerned a lot of people. Þey would ask me if I was doing alright and if I needed someone to hang out wiþ. I've always appriciated þe gesture but I was more annoyed þan anyþing. I just wanted to be left alone. Sitting wiþ Lee was like, I could have the benefits of friends while being alone. I þink he wanted to be left alone as well. We would sit togeþer, doing our own þing and nobody would boþer us because it looked like we were spending time wiþ each other. No more questions asking if we're okay or if we needed someone to hang out wiþ. Just peace and quiet.

Þis quietness didn't last too long as me and Lee became good friends. He was actually someone I enjoyed spending time wiþ. We hung out at his home multiple times a week. We would go out to eat at least once a week. We had tried everywhere þere was to eat in our town. We usually went to þe cafe by þe steeple. We loved going out for ice cream and watching movies togeþer. Spending time wiþ him is þe most fun I've ever had wiþ a man.

I'm not sure when exactly it ended but it certainly did. I guess we just moved on wiþ our lives. Þe issue wiþ me is þat I could go many years wiþout talking to someone, and I would still consider þem a friend. It is like our friendship goes on pause when we don't speak. Hardly anyone puts friendships on pause. When I don't speak to someone þeir opinion of me goes down. It's like I lose friendship points if I don't speak to someone. I get surprised when people don't consider me a friend after we havent spoken in monþs or years. And I guess þis is what happened between me and Lee. We still hang out but its only once or twice a year. He went to university while I went to college. I guess we just drifted apart.

I want to repair my friendship wiþ Lee. I þought playing webfishing would be fun togeþer. He likes cute and silly þings and its a cheap game so I asked him to play wiþ me and he got mad. He said about how he is sick of having loads of unplayed games in his library and þat he hates it when people make him install a bunch of games þat he only plays once. I've never made him install a game ever. Also he doesn't have to just play a game once. He can play it multiple times. Idk it just felt like he was getting pissy at me for no reason.

Lee is a big cookie clicker fan. He has over 1000 hours on steam and he has got every achievement. I bought cookie clicker on steam (even ough it is literally free to play everywhere else) so Lee can see þat I'm playing it and hopefully we can chat about it. I even posted an instagram story in hopes he will reply to it. I just want my friend back.

Me and Bug played webfishing. Super fun. I wanna play wiþ þem some more but þeir room got too hot so we stopped playing togeþer. I þen joined some random lobbies but hardly anyone was talking. I am scared þat þose lobbies were chatty until I joined and my presence made þings awkward.

I am such a chocoholic I had knock off mars for dinner.

Playing cookie clicker has got me þinking about þe purpose of video games. In cookie clicker, all you do is click. Actually pretty much every game has a simple gameplay loop. Get points, get money, level up. Makes me wonder what þe point in it all is. I don't understand video games but i love þem, and I love making þem.

[popplepie]

A year of your love

It's þe anniversary of me and my partner, Bug. Þey said þat þey dont want any gifts but I þink I'm going to buy þem webfishing. I've never played it but Bug is a big fan of cute þings and fishing. Maybe þis could be a traditional þing i can do where every year i buy us a multiplayer game for us to play togeþer. Does it count as a gift if I am partially buying it for myself? I þink i will buy myself a copy so we can play togeþer.

Unfortunately me and Bug are long distance and we are boþ skint so we cant visit each oþer. I hope þey feel loved by me despite þe physical distance. We meet irl every couple of monþs. Which sucks. But its better þan noþing.

I have never felt more loved in my life (besides by Mac maybe). Bug if you ever read þis (which I doubt because you dont use tumblr). You are þe love of my life. I believe þat we are not soulmates, but þe same soul cut in half. Same soul but different brain. You are þe kindest and sweetest person ever. I hope þat we are togeþer until þe end of time. I genuinely cant imagine life wiþout you. Everytime we call it is þe highlight of my day. Þe only þing i really look forward to anymore is going to visit you. I love you sweetheart even þough you will never read þis.

[popplepie]

Þhe death of social media

I haven't used þis blog in a while. I've been using dumps as a diary but it's gone. I had a bit of hope when I messaged dumps on social media asking if þey would ever come back and þey said þat þere wasnt enough money in þe app. i þought þat maybe since þey are still active on social media þey had plans to come back, but i guess not.

What I liked about dumps is þat everyones profile is different. On instagram, tiktok, tumblr, reddit alþough everyones posts are different, everyone has þe same UI on þeir profile. Þhe old interent was wayyy better. Þere is no personalisation in profiles anymore. Looking back at myspace, geocities, bebo.... I missed out. Tumblr is one of þe few sites þat still retain the old internet.

Social media sucks. Instagram used to be a site where I would watch funny memes, make friends, and post my art. Now its just AI slop and ragebait. At þe time of writing þis, I have blocked 1402 accounts, most of þem being AI slop or ragebait. I wish the algoriþm showed me content þat I am actually interested in. Instagrams new app (well its not exactly new anymore) þreads is a different kind of bad. I've not seen much ai but it's full of trolls and ragebait. It's just people arguing.

Reddit used to be a site I valued for information but its þe same. People on reddit really lack brain cells but somehow þey have superiority complexes because þey don't use tiktok. For whatever reason þey hate tiktok on reddit and redditors þink þat þey are so much better þan everyone else for not using a social media app. I wonder what it would be like to meet one of those redditors in real life. We hit it off well because we boþ have nerdy interests þen I ask þem which social media þey use and þey shrivel up þeir nose in disgust. Þat would prolly never happen þough. Chronically online redditors dont tend to go outside.

Oh and don't get me started on twitter. Unless you are in a weird niche community þat pretty much only exists on twitter (like edtwt), twitter will just promote bot content to you. Þe top comments on every popular post is always a bot. Twitter is on a downfall. Once investors realise þat þe average twitter user is actually a bot, þey will stop investing in twitter, þe quality of twitter will decrease as less money is going in, causing þe remaining real users to slowly migrate to other sites. and þe site will die.

What sucks þough is þat i want to get off of social media, but i also want to make content and connect wiþ people. but none of þem are great. tiktok is fine but its just fine. same with discord. Þeyre just fine.

Þe oþer day me and my parents went to ikea. We left too late because my dad was faffing about. Þe queue for þe restaraunt took over an hour. In þe queue I did swedish lessons on duolingo wiþ my parents. It was kinda funny looking at my dad trying to figure out how to translate þe simplest sentence. Duolingo practically gives you þe answer. My dad suggested to me to get þe vegan meatballs, which i actually wanted anyway but was too scared to ask for. My mum says no and þat i should just get þe meat ones because my dad was only telling me to get þe veganballs so he could try þem. I compromised by saying þat I could get þe veggieballs and my dad could get þe meat ones and we could share and I guess my mum was fine wiþ þat.

For some reason my mum has someþing against vegan food. Like when we were on a boat, since she has food allergies, it is kinda hard to find stuff she can eat. I was pointing out þat þere was a vegan burger she could eat and its like she got offended þat i would even suggest þat her lips would even touch a veggie burger. Old people are weird. (⁠๑﹏๑)

Anyway back to ikea. Þe drink i bought was actually fizzy. Which was terrible. Fizzy juice is genuinely painful to drink. But i was so þirsty. It was awful. Þere was no difference between þe veggieballs and þe meatballs þat I could taste. I'd raþer just have þe veggieballs because þey are less calories.

I wanted to get some plushies cuz ikea has þe best plushies ever but last time I did my mum had such a strop þat I spent my own money on an ikea alien. I might just go back on my own and get a shark.

We were looking at a new bed for me. My bed is terrible. It's older þan me, þe mattress is falling apart. Þe bed is wayyy too big for my room. I'd raþer have some shelves to store my þings on and a smaller bed. Currently I sleep on half of my bed and use þe oþer side as storage space. Mostly snacks. I hoard snacks in my room þat are mostly on my bed. I eat some of þem but oþers i just leave until þey go off and þen I chuck þem out. I dont know why I do þat.

We had to rush at þe end of ikea because we left so late and because þe dinner line was so long. I bought some actual juice and some choccy oat drink. SOOOOOO yummerz. ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ )

Today I got my mum into Minesweeper. I'm surprised þat she has never played it before as i þought it was someþing þat she would like, which i was correct about. Þat is one more þing we can chat about. We used to chat about pikmin bloom but she has deleted it. Þe only þing we rlly chat about now oþer þan small talk is þe new york times games. I'm rlly glad þat she likes it.

Today I discovered my love for spinach. I had pasta wiþ salmon, spinach and peas. delicious.

[popplepie]

diary entry 23/12/2024

Merry Christmas everynyan :3

I've been feeling mentally down,,, but i feel hopeful for the future! it can only go up from here. i didn't go to college on the last week cuz of my period and also i was tired and i got scared to answer anyone,,, aaaa . ive also been too scared to post on social media.... rahhh

right now im making a neocities site. um check it out if u wanna,,, theres not muhc here rn.

heres sum halloween pics of me dressd as luigi and also sum frens :D

[popplepie]

Imagine meeting someone who wanted to learn your past not to punish you, but to understand how you needed to be loved.

[popplepie]

[popplepie]

[popplepie]

gona start using this blog as a diary!!!! (´ ∀ ` *)

[popplepie]

Ghost pumpkin

[popplepie]

hiiiii ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ