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ur cats not slimmer of the week x

how dare you say that

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Poundstretcher bbl - A Blind Channel story by metalheadmort

🖤PART 1🖤

“It’ll be fine” , Joonas had repeated this to himself several times whilst looking in the mirror “it looks natural” , the yellow liquid slowly dripping onto the floor sure as hell wasnt natural but he told himself it was apart of the healing process.His mind was racing with a million questions: what was he going to tell the others? why hadn’t he gone to a plastic surgeon? why did he get his bbl from the poundstrecher assistant manager? it was too late to be questioning his choices he had to tell someone.

“JOONASSSS!” Aleksi yelled “I’m hereeee ,what’s up?” Aleksi skipped into the kitchen and started looking through the fridge whilst waiting for Joonas. Just as Aleksi was slurping on his 5th raspberry frube Joonas slowly stepped into the kitchen… “OH MY GOD” Aleksi screamed ,choking on his yoghurt “What happened to your ARSE???”

To be continued…

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Are you a woman of power

women are powerful my friend xx

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The Names Lalli, Tommi Lalli.

A Blind Channel story x

Tommi was a high level member of MI-6 and was their most trusted agent. Tommi had been assigned a mission, to destroy britbctwt. Tommi found this very difficult to do as he had sat in on their spaces many times and enjoyed them thoroughly. However, Tommi had to stand by his mission otherwise he would be terminated. Tommi hatched a plan to capture them, he laid a trap. under a cardboard box he left capri sun’s and pieces of traybake made by Liz the welsh woman Tommi met in Cardiff when he was lost one day, because nobody intentionally goes to Cardiff . He left the box open with a stick and with a piece of string attached to the box he would pull it and they would be captured. He laid a trail of candies and other sweeties all the way from Riverside fish and chip shop where he knew they would be becuz who could resist a battered sausage.

There they were eating chips and discussing matters, Flo had drowned her chips in vinegar, she had questionable taste but it was allowed. Amy was there, she nibbled away on her porg sausage and discussed the weather. It was overcast, cloudy but not too cloudy if you get me. Mort was also there, Licking the salt off of Amy’s chips, she was a thief but a respectable thief. Mils was also there. She was just living, she looked Scottish and that's all that mattered.

Mort spotted the trail and began to follow it, The others noticed she had run off and they followed after her screaming. They ran 4 miles, when suddenly the trail stopped and led to a cardboard box. The box had all of the girls' favourite treats inside and they were tempted to go and retrieve them.

They decided that all together they would run towards the box and retrieve the treats, they reached the box and climbed in, when suddenly the roof of the box closed! and they were trapped.

Tommi rubbed his hands together, he had caught the British and he would now terminate them. When suddenly a voice was heard in the distance “OI Tommi!” “Leave those wee women alone!” It was none other than Olli Matela, he had recently been released from prison and he had come to save Britain and its people. Tommi looked up and saw Olli and laughed “You cant defeat me mr. matalan am the strongest man in all of finland.” tommi cried. “I know, but i can give it a good shot, a learnt some things from me time in the clink.” Olli said, smirking as he remembered his beloved prison days. The fight began, Tommi threw a jab at Olli and it landed on the mole on his neck. Olli fell back slightly and winded his arm up and threw a fist at Tommi’s nose, which his grandmother loved so dearly. “`Watch me nose, my nan will throw a fit!” Tommi cried.

Olli ran over to the box to free the girls, when a black van appeared, the van ran down Olli sending my flying across the bonnet of the car. The side door of the van flew open, and opened the cardboard box britbctwt were in. it was team finlandia they had pulled up in the van to save their besties from the evil no-gooders! Yet they took Olli out, who was there to help but nevertheless. In the front seat Isabella and Karo shouted at britbctwt get in the fookin van. They climbed in, while Sasza and Mikuc dragged Olli into the van where Dr Wiktoria Wonsheep would perform life-saving cpr, Isabella hit the gas and drove down the road, flames coming out of the exhaust.

——————

Please leave ur feedback in the replies below, this isn’t a follow on from Trouble in Sainsbury’s more a spin-off if you will.

below is the britbctwt trap x

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Trouble at Sainsbury’s

A Blind Channel Story

Tommi and Niko go to Sainsburys with Aleksi in the child seat. Tommi pushed the trolley around Sainsburys in Croydon, it was a dangerous area for someone as young as Aleksi, but Tommi kept them safe. Niko skipped alongside Tommi, holding onto the side of the trolley. They turned the corner up the freezer aisle when suddenly their trolley collided with another. *shock emoji* 

Tommi began to apologise when he looked up and saw that it was the one and only Joonas Parkkonen and with his son Robin Packalen in the child seat. He was sitting playing on his Nintendo Switch lite, the yellow one. 

Joonas swung his fist toward Tommi, never again would he crash into his trolley with his only child Robin on board. Tommi dodged Joonas’ fist like a professional boxer, which he was and would tell you all about his olympic champion days if you let him, Tommi threw a jab at joonas’ left cornea, when it landed he felt proud and let out a mahoosive roar like the bear he is.

Joonas cowered in fear and sped off with his trolley, throwing Robin from the child seat and into the main part of the trolley landing on the scotch eggs that were already in there squishing them to dust. Robin’s Nintendo Switch flying through the air and landing in Aleksi’s hands. Niko released a celebratory squawk and requested some fajitas for tea to continue the celebration through to the evening. Tommi shook his head and let Niko down gently, however there was no way he could do this, as Joel was at home making a pukka pie that he knew Niko would not enjoy. 

Niko cried. He cried so much that Tommi got bored, and walked away with Aleksi. He went to the checkouts hoping Niko would calm down and meet them there. He started placing the items on the conveyor belt when he looked up at the man on the checkouts.

It was only the official Archie Cruz!  

Archie looked up at Tommi embarrassed as his band had broken up and he had ended up working in sainsburys. He reluctantly said to Tommi “Do you need any bags today?” Tommi smiled “Naw, av got me bags for life with me son.” Archie looked down at the screen and began scanning Tommi’s items. “You been busy today, son?” Tommi asked, trying to start a conversation with Archie, even though he could tell he wasn’t in the mood to talk to him. “Eh No not really, slow day today innit, its Sunday. The lord’s day.” “Aye, that’s right it is aye, you finishing soon though aye? Short shift on Sunday aye” Tommi asked laughing slightly at his wee joke, “Yeah, yeah a finish at four and it’s just gone three now so not too long left no aye” Archie replied looking somewhat happier after being reminded of the upcoming end to his shift. Aleksi looked over from his seat in the front of the trolley and stared at Archie. Before Archie got a chance to look back at Aleksi’s death stare, Niko appeared! “Yo! Bitch!” Archie cried out towards Niko and gave him a fist bump. “Yo A-Sizzle my man!” Niko’s eyes were  still red and puffy from him crying just a moment ago in the freezer aisle over the pukka pies but he pulled himself together quickly when he saw Archie at the tills. “How’s it going man? I thought you still worked at B&M in Lewisham A-Dawg!” Archie laughed and rolled his eyes, “I’m on an absolute mad wan mate, got fired from B&M sadly, they said I wasn’t allowed to sample the products or summit, apparently it’s illegal to like not pay for things these days, who knew?” Niko laughed, shaking his head, “A-Chiller u a wild one man, bless up to you brother, more life my g.” 

Archie turned back to Tommi, forgetting he was there for a moment and he was literally working.  “Alright lads, your total today is gonna be £42.97, is it cash or card today?.” “Card please son, I’ll just tap it aye, wee contactless things noo in’t it great?” “Yea yea it’s great, whenever you’re ready.” Archie seemed keen to get rid of them, he wasn’t too fond of doing actual work especially when his coworkers could probably do it all for him and he could just take the credit. Tommi tapped his card, fair pleased with himself and this new technology, “Alright, here’s your receipt, see you next week Niko! Remember we’re all meeting in Milton Keynes!” Niko almost forgot! He was meeting Archie and the gang for a get together at spoons next weekend! “Oh yeah! See you there at the roundabout!” Niko beamed remembering how their last night out ended, he slept down on Bournemouth beach, which was odd because they started their night in Eastbourne. “Ta-rah Archie me love!” Aleksi called out while Tommi began to push the trolley away, taking his receipt beforehand.

Tommi, Niko and Aleksi left the shop and headed back to Tommi’s wee car. He was a humble man and did not need a flashy car even though he was one of the richest men in Finland and all the bitches wanted him, even though he already had four families scattered across the country, but the others didn’t need to know about this.

Tommi unlocked the car and helped Aleksi out his child’s seat, Niko opened the boot of the car where Porko was tied up and gagged. Niko placed the shopping beside him and shut the boot despite Porko’s terrified expression.  Niko raced Aleksi to the front seat and pushed him out the way into the zebra crossing, almost getting his face smashed in by a Ford Fiesta ST. 

Aleksi wailed, Tommi immediately scooped him up off the crossing and threw him in the backseat of his car. Tommi rolled his eyes so hard they almost fell out his head, he pushed the trolley into the crossing and walked away, however the trolley had a mind of its own and rolled into a woman and knocked her down. The woman screamed as the trolley ran her over, her hair got trapped in the wheel and she was dragged for miles. She cried “Don’t forget me! Florence Nightingale! That’s not my name! I just liked her or summit or whatever!” Tommi ignored the woman, he had a wife at home who banished him from looking at other women so knocking her down with a trolley was probably the right thing to do. Tommi jumped in the car and started the engine, first making sure both the boys had their seatbelts on, when Rafał’s ‘The Ride’ began blaring out of the speakers, it was currently the no.1 song globally and had been for the last 8 weeks. Tommi loved Poland and Poland loved Tommi

“Kocham Cię Rafał” Tommi muttered to himself, shaking his head. He started singing along as he drove off racing through the car park, not bothering to wait at the zebra crossings. 

He flew through the streets of Croydon, not even bothering to stop at the redlights because man don’t play like that, he owns these streets bruv. They pulled into the driveway, and Tommi jumped out the car and helped Aleksi out his car seat, he threw him into the house not even bothering to open the door and Aleksi collapsed in a bundle at the front door slamming into the Ring! doorbell.  

Joel was in the kitchen, checking up on his pukka pie which was in the oven. He heard the Ring! doorbell and ran to the door to check. When he opened the door, Aleksi was laying in a pile on the doorstep. Joel picked up Aleksi and threw him in the house and left him to rot in the corner. Tommi opened the boot of the car and picked out Porko and carried him into the house, still in his ropes and chains. Joel took Porko from Tommi and put him in the dog kennel outside, he removed the gag from his mouth and left him there like the puppy he is. 

Niko brought the Sainsburys shopping bags for life in and began to unpack the shopping, he put away the Mccain frozen oven chips he begged Tommi for in the shop. He didn’t even like oven chips but he liked the smell of them. 

“Niko! I made your favourite! Pukka pie for tea!” Joel knew Niko hated Pukka pies.

Niko began to have a major meltdown, even worse than the one he had in Sainsbury’s, he ran off and grabbed Porko from the dog house out back and unchained him and jumped on his back. Niko rode Porko off into the sunset and never looked back. 

To this day, nobody has seen Porko or Niko. However, I have a slight suspicion they may be in Qatar. 

The end. 

—————————-

Please leave your reviews, i’m thinking of making a part two, let me know what you think xx

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y do u smell

I won’t stand for bullying on my Tumblr metalheadmort, run along now

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skating 101 wit samy

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Oh my christ

Knock knock

oh ‘eck who’s there x

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man who x

Knock knock

oh ‘eck who’s there x

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Knock knock

oh ‘eck who’s there x

[porkophobic]

Trouble at Sainsbury’s

A Blind Channel Story

Tommi and Niko go to Sainsburys with Aleksi in the child seat. Tommi pushed the trolley around Sainsburys in Croydon, it was a dangerous area for someone as young as Aleksi, but Tommi kept them safe. Niko skipped alongside Tommi, holding onto the side of the trolley. They turned the corner up the freezer aisle when suddenly their trolley collided with another. *shock emoji* 

Tommi began to apologise when he looked up and saw that it was the one and only Joonas Parkkonen and with his son Robin Packalen in the child seat. He was sitting playing on his Nintendo Switch lite, the yellow one. 

Joonas swung his fist toward Tommi, never again would he crash into his trolley with his only child Robin on board. Tommi dodged Joonas’ fist like a professional boxer, which he was and would tell you all about his olympic champion days if you let him, Tommi threw a jab at joonas’ left cornea, when it landed he felt proud and let out a mahoosive roar like the bear he is.

Joonas cowered in fear and sped off with his trolley, throwing Robin from the child seat and into the main part of the trolley landing on the scotch eggs that were already in there squishing them to dust. Robin’s Nintendo Switch flying through the air and landing in Aleksi’s hands. Niko released a celebratory squawk and requested some fajitas for tea to continue the celebration through to the evening. Tommi shook his head and let Niko down gently, however there was no way he could do this, as Joel was at home making a pukka pie that he knew Niko would not enjoy. 

Niko cried. He cried so much that Tommi got bored, and walked away with Aleksi. He went to the checkouts hoping Niko would calm down and meet them there. He started placing the items on the conveyor belt when he looked up at the man on the checkouts.

It was only the official Archie Cruz!  

Archie looked up at Tommi embarrassed as his band had broken up and he had ended up working in sainsburys. He reluctantly said to Tommi “Do you need any bags today?” Tommi smiled “Naw, av got me bags for life with me son.” Archie looked down at the screen and began scanning Tommi’s items. “You been busy today, son?” Tommi asked, trying to start a conversation with Archie, even though he could tell he wasn't in the mood to talk to him. “Eh No not really, slow day today innit, its Sunday. The lord's day.” “Aye, that's right it is aye, you finishing soon though aye? Short shift on Sunday aye” Tommi asked laughing slightly at his wee joke, ''Yeah, yeah a finish at four and it's just gone three now so not too long left no aye” Archie replied looking somewhat happier after being reminded of the upcoming end to his shift. Aleksi looked over from his seat in the front of the trolley and stared at Archie. Before Archie got a chance to look back at Aleksi’s death stare, Niko appeared! “Yo! Bitch!” Archie cried out towards Niko and gave him a fist bump. “Yo A-Sizzle my man!” Niko’s eyes were  still red and puffy from him crying just a moment ago in the freezer aisle over the pukka pies but he pulled himself together quickly when he saw Archie at the tills. “How’s it going man? I thought you still worked at B&M in Lewisham A-Dawg!” Archie laughed and rolled his eyes, “I’m on an absolute mad wan mate, got fired from B&M sadly, they said I wasn’t allowed to sample the products or summit, apparently it's illegal to like not pay for things these days, who knew?” Niko laughed, shaking his head, “A-Chiller u a wild one man, bless up to you brother, more life my g.” 

Archie turned back to Tommi, forgetting he was there for a moment and he was literally working.  “Alright lads, your total today is gonna be £42.97, is it cash or card today?.” “Card please son, I’ll just tap it aye, wee contactless things noo in’t it great?” “Yea yea it's great, whenever you’re ready.” Archie seemed keen to get rid of them, he wasn’t too fond of doing actual work especially when his coworkers could probably do it all for him and he could just take the credit. Tommi tapped his card, fair pleased with himself and this new technology, “Alright, here's your receipt, see you next week Niko! Remember we’re all meeting in Milton Keynes!” Niko almost forgot! He was meeting Archie and the gang for a get together at spoons next weekend! “Oh yeah! See you there at the roundabout!” Niko beamed remembering how their last night out ended, he slept down on Bournemouth beach, which was odd because they started their night in Eastbourne. “Ta-rah Archie me love!” Aleksi called out while Tommi began to push the trolley away, taking his receipt beforehand.

Tommi, Niko and Aleksi left the shop and headed back to Tommi’s wee car. He was a humble man and did not need a flashy car even though he was one of the richest men in Finland and all the bitches wanted him, even though he already had four families scattered across the country, but the others didn’t need to know about this.

Tommi unlocked the car and helped Aleksi out his child’s seat, Niko opened the boot of the car where Porko was tied up and gagged. Niko placed the shopping beside him and shut the boot despite Porko’s terrified expression.  Niko raced Aleksi to the front seat and pushed him out the way into the zebra crossing, almost getting his face smashed in by a Ford Fiesta ST. 

Aleksi wailed, Tommi immediately scooped him up off the crossing and threw him in the backseat of his car. Tommi rolled his eyes so hard they almost fell out his head, he pushed the trolley into the crossing and walked away, however the trolley had a mind of its own and rolled into a woman and knocked her down. The woman screamed as the trolley ran her over, her hair got trapped in the wheel and she was dragged for miles. She cried “Don’t forget me! Florence Nightingale! That's not my name! I just liked her or summit or whatever!” Tommi ignored the woman, he had a wife at home who banished him from looking at other women so knocking her down with a trolley was probably the right thing to do. Tommi jumped in the car and started the engine, first making sure both the boys had their seatbelts on, when Rafał’s ‘The Ride’ began blaring out of the speakers, it was currently the no.1 song globally and had been for the last 8 weeks. Tommi loved Poland and Poland loved Tommi

“Kocham Cię Rafał” Tommi muttered to himself, shaking his head. He started singing along as he drove off racing through the car park, not bothering to wait at the zebra crossings. 

He flew through the streets of Croydon, not even bothering to stop at the redlights because man don’t play like that, he owns these streets bruv. They pulled into the driveway, and Tommi jumped out the car and helped Aleksi out his car seat, he threw him into the house not even bothering to open the door and Aleksi collapsed in a bundle at the front door slamming into the Ring! doorbell.  

Joel was in the kitchen, checking up on his pukka pie which was in the oven. He heard the Ring! doorbell and ran to the door to check. When he opened the door, Aleksi was laying in a pile on the doorstep. Joel picked up Aleksi and threw him in the house and left him to rot in the corner. Tommi opened the boot of the car and picked out Porko and carried him into the house, still in his ropes and chains. Joel took Porko from Tommi and put him in the dog kennel outside, he removed the gag from his mouth and left him there like the puppy he is. 

Niko brought the Sainsburys shopping bags for life in and began to unpack the shopping, he put away the Mccain frozen oven chips he begged Tommi for in the shop. He didn’t even like oven chips but he liked the smell of them. 

“Niko! I made your favourite! Pukka pie for tea!” Joel knew Niko hated Pukka pies.

Niko began to have a major meltdown, even worse than the one he had in Sainsbury’s, he ran off and grabbed Porko from the dog house out back and unchained him and jumped on his back. Niko rode Porko off into the sunset and never looked back. 

To this day, nobody has seen Porko or Niko. However, I have a slight suspicion they may be in Qatar. 

The end. 

----------------------------

Please leave your reviews, i’m thinking of making a part two, let me know what you think xx

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now this felt like a warning

no skip album

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THIS IS MY DEMISE 

CANCELLED BY SHIRAZ LANE

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yes a heard from a friend of a friends uncle’s cousin’s grandson’s neighbour who heard it from their therapist’s zumba instructor that bctwt gave artichoke 24 euros

Omg, fuck Twitter. Fuck Blind Channel “bctwt” twitter. They bring no good to the world and only cause drama within your family 😔✋🏻 Please don’t bring them up again

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samy cameo got me sobbing

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spin that track j hook 😩😩

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wake up it’s middy n joel together,, I need to sit down