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Cihan, the man that you are.

I love the contrast of the grand gestures vs the everyday little things he does. Yes, he can buy you a hospital. But he’s also the man that will drive you to see your mom, wait patiently outside, and check on you to make sure you’re okay.

He loves loudly and quietly all at the same time.

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Mom and dad

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Wreck me

Title: The Love That Destroys

(Cihan’s POV)

Nare’s words still ring in my ears.

"You’re in love with her."

I want to ignore it.

I want to laugh it off.

I want to say she’s wrong.

But I can’t.

Because the truth is too loud, too heavy, too suffocating.

I grip the edge of my desk, my jaw tight, my chest heavy.

I love her.

And it doesn’t matter.

Because Alya isn’t a love that brings peace.

She’s a love that consumes.

A Love That Was Simple.

I remember what it was like to love Meryem.

It was quiet.

Soft.

Calm.

She never pushed me too far.

She never tested my limits.

She never made me feel like I was drowning in something I couldn’t control.

Alya’s never been simple.

Loving Meryem was like standing in the sun.

Loving Alya?

It’s like standing in a fire.

Alya Makes Me Lose Control

With Meryem, I never felt jealousy.

I never worried about losing her.

With Alya, I can’t even stand the thought of her looking at someone else.

Her finding someone that confirms that I don’t deserve her.

Blind with rage.

It makes my vision blur.

I grip my wrist, trying to calm myself.

This isn’t who I am.

I don’t get jealous.

I don’t obsess over things.

But Alya makes me irrational.

She makes me angry.

She makes me weak.

She makes me care too much.

And the worst part?

She doesn’t even realize it.

She Is Not a Love That Brings Peace

I loved Meryem in a way that felt safe.

I love Alya in a way that feels dangerous.

I watch her from across rooms, my hands curling into fists.

I memorize every little thing about her—her perfume, the way she tilts her head when she’s thinking, the way her lips part when she’s caught off guard. That finger she points at me when I’ve gone too far. The hint of a smile that makes me think I haven’t gone far enough.

I can’t breathe when she’s too far.

I can’t think when she’s too close.

When she’s hurting, I want to burn down the world for her.

I used to be a man who could control himself.

Then she came into my life, and now?

She is the only thing I can think about.

I Don’t Want to Be This Person

Loving Meryem made me safe.

Loving Alya makes me dangerous.

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✨New Year, New You ✨

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IG: itsfaenicole

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dream kitchen with a lacanche oven, le creuset cookware, a big window with farmland views, laguiole knives, bernardaud plates, christofle silverware, vaulted lightwood ceilings with skylights, custom marble island with lots of space to bake and cook.

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The version of myself I’m becoming for 2025 is going to leave people sick and I’m already living for it

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2025 is:

Baccarat Rouge 540, La Perla lingerie, Chanel No. 5, caviar and oysters, first-class lounges, Soho House memberships, Hermès Birkins, Dior sunglasses, Van Cleef, Cartier, Tiffany, Ritz-Carlton spa days, Nobu dinners, St. Barts holidays, Pilates reformer classes, Montblanc pens, bulletproof coffee mornings, St. Regis afternoon tea, skiing in Aspen, sailing on a Sunseeker yacht, dating men wearing custom-tailored suits, handwritten thank-you notes written with custom stationery by Smythson, interior design consultations, negronis by the fireplace, silk pillowcases, cashmere throws, helicopter rides to the Hamptons, fine art auctions at Sotheby’s, private wine tastings in Napa, chef’s table dining experiences, Le Labo Santal 33, Rolls-Royce chauffeured rides, horseback riding in the English countryside, Ladurée macarons, Rolex watches, a Montauk beach house, Louboutin heels, afternoon reads of The Financial Times, medical-grade skincare routines, investing in blue-chip stocks, attending Paris Fashion Week, tennis matches at Wimbledon, and Courchevel ski chalets.

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This is your sign to keep showing up for yourself....

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RYAN DESTINY via instagram (glamtechstevent)

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IG: alicejoythomas

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this was a great read. “Laziness Does Not Exist” by Devon Price

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A lovely reader on my blog asked for recommendations for podcasts and TedTalks, and I thought I'd share them here as well. They vary from psychology, dating/relationships, business and general personal development.

TED Talks (on YouTube):

Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are | Amy Cuddy | TED

The Power of Vulnerability | Brene Brown | TED

The Secret to Desire in a Long-term Relationship | Esther Perel | TED

The Power of Nonverbal Communication | Joe Navarro | TEDxManchester

Podcasts (on Spotify):

Habits of a Goddess – Positive affirmations, very calming voice, love her energy

The Goal Digger Podcast – Goal-setting

Manifestation Babe – Law of attraction/manifesting tips

The Diary of a CEO – Top quality advice from CEOs all around the world, it doesn’t get better than this. They’re in-depth (1-3h long even) and amazingly insightful

The BossBabe Podcast – The famous BB always come with top-tier resources

Additional videos (Youtube):

These include video essays and explorations of trends, controversial truths, etc. I find them quite insightful, and it's always a good idea to listen to multiple takes and keep an open mind.

Body language expert explains how to show confidence | Wired

Former FBI agent explains how to read facial expressions | Wired

48 Laws of Power

How social media is destroying our sense of normalcy

The body positivity movement is dying | Salem Tovar

Your botox has backfired (on the dangers of botox) | Stephanie Lange

Influencers distorting selfcare to push consumerism and overconsumption | Hannah Alonzo

Your fillers have failed you (the truth about fillers) | Stephanie Lange

Ex TradWives speak out (on the risks of tradwife lifestyle)

Dating doctor: start dating like it's your job | Diary of a CEO

Great news - social media is falling apart

The problem with modern love (an essay on types of love, dating, philosophy, etc) | Unsolicited Advice