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[positivelyqueer]

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[positivelyqueer]

Something that made hygiene-related things easier to do was to say "fuck it" to the concept of doing the thing at the Right time. My teeth do not understand that it is currently 02:00 or 15:00 and they're getting brushed. The skin on my face doesn't hold up a timepiece and say, "why haven't you washed me, twelve hours have elapsed and you haven't bothered to wash me!".

As someone who has had very intense experiences with my ability to do things at the Right time, throwing out those rules has been a game-changer. I used to shame myself because I didn't do something at the Right Time, so I just didn't do it, which would make me feel even worse. That's not a healthy way to go about anything. Accommodate for yourself. Throw out those rules.

[positivelyqueer]

i.. act quite vastly different when i’m at school versus when i’m at home? i guess this is some of a concern, considering how i’m not entirely sure which demeanor is actually me and i’m in ‘home mode’ the entire summer/break/etc, which can cause problems.

school me: outwardly sarcastic, much louder, talks more and with my mouth, grins a lot, laughs a lot, isn’t afraid to show emotions.

home me: practically silent, responds with hums, tries not to show emotions or at least squishes them down enough so they aren’t noticeable.

…i don’t know what this is. maybe it’s masking in the sense that i’m putting on an act at school and just deflating when i get home, but i’ve been in ‘school mode’ for short bursts at home so i don’t think that’s the case. maybe it’s masking at home. maybe i’m not masking at all. i really don’t know.

This is definitely masking, and it is perfectly possible to mask even at home, especially if you don't feel safe to be yourself.

And it's not that uncommon to have no idea who we are as autistics. Especially if you're one of the many who have stylised their personality around making other people happy, or keeping safe. Or stylised yourself after books and TV characters. (I did a bit of both of these)

But don't despair. You're not a featureless automaton. You're still you, just hidden under everyone else's expectations.

You can start to discover who you are under that all by slow and careful self-reflection. Asking "do I enjoy doing this" and "what brings me joy and energy"?

You can start the journey of learning who you are at any age..*warm autistic auntie hugs*

[positivelyqueer]

silly werewolf transformation

[positivelyqueer]

generally speaking when it comes to mental and physical health, if you're asked "do you struggle with this" and your answer is "no, Because I Have A System," then your answer is actually yes

[positivelyqueer]

Recently I’ve found a lot of benefit in realising a lot of my less helpful thought patterns are implicitly being unkind to my friends.

Thoughts like “I’m worried my friends won’t like me if I’m not helpful” are just as easily interpreted as “I think my friends only like me because I’m helpful” and that’s not a nice thing to think about my friends. Of course my friends love and care about me for me, not for what I can offer them.

Similarly with “I won’t tell my friends about something because I don’t want them to worry” is taking away their agency to have emotions. My friends are allowed to be worried and it’s not up to me to try and control their feelings and reactions.

I know these thought patterns are easy and comfortable to fall into. But I also know they’re not serving you or your relationships. Your friends love you, I promise.

[positivelyqueer]

Silt verses doodle dump

[positivelyqueer]

It’s good to encourage people sometimes if they want encouragement. But sometimes, if someone says they can’t do something, it’s better to say “that’s okay” and take them at their word. Sometimes we really can’t do something because of our mental illness, physical condition or just the day we’ve had. And we need to learn that sometimes what people need is acceptance and a reminder that they’re worthy, regardless of whatever they can and can’t do.

[positivelyqueer]

It’s not weak to take support from people who love you. It’s not giving up to use resources that are available to help you.

You don’t need to do this alone. Sometimes admitting you are struggling and need help is the bravest, best thing you can do.

[positivelyqueer]

i have been in community with profoundly developmentally disabled peers and peers with brain damage my whole life, bc i had a childhood diagnosis. i have also been leftist my whole life; my mother was a marxist and raised me that way, and while their politics were absolute dogshit, they were lefty dogshit.

my entire life, i have seen leftist educators throw mentally disabled people away as "lost causes" because they couldn't engage with the material the way it was being presented. leftist outreach and education does, genuinely, have a massive lack of accessible material. to be blunt, people are not interested in retrofitting their leftist outreach to be accessible to people who learn best through episodes of sesame street.

as in, i have repeatedly faced outright laughter and cruelty over the idea that this could be a priority. or even something that we consider doing at all.

"people who are that mentally disabled don't need to know about these things," the kindest interpretation goes. ("people who are that mentally disabled don't interact with the world, anyway, they're all in institutions or monitored 24/7 by their parents," the uncharitable underlying assumptions go. "they wouldn't be a worker who needs a union. or a library attendee. or a member of the community garden. or a volunteer at the food bank. or or or")

the people i have seen this hurt the worst, over and over again, are profoundly mentally disabled people of color whose lack of access to accessible antiracist education is causing real danger in their lives. institutionalized disabled people of color who have learned racist ideology and behaviors from white authority, whether they were adopted by white families or incarcerated in care institutions run by white staff. who are treated lower than garbage by leftist educators, who view them as "lost causes," as unworthy of time and effort and attention, as deserving of their abuses because they... what... internalized the abuses that make up every aspect of their lives since birth?

i see people saying things in this conversation like "disability isn't an excuse for racism or transphobia or whatever, people have the obligation to improve themselves." oh, believe me, i have seen again and again how many privileged disabled people utilize their disabilities to punch down on others, try to escape accountability for their punching down by citing disability. but individual weaponization of identity is just that: weaponization of identity.

the power structures at play are what they are. it is a noble and admirable goal to want leftist outreach and education to be more accessible to all. if that is truly your goal, you must eventually reckon with the existence of people who do, actually, really need it presented in a picture book. or an episode of bluey. or a conversation where you only use examples of people they know in real life, using things that happened to them personally. the existence of people who cannot grasp forms of abstract reasoning, who need information presented as rules, or as guidelines, or as categories. the idea that yes, fully grown adults who need daniel tiger to explain racism to them are human beings who not only deserve access to that very thing, but who also deserve to be a part of leftist spaces and benefit from leftist organizing. are people for whom it might be INTEGRAL they get to be a part of leftism. are victims of racism themselves and suffering without access to antiracist spaces and community and support.

and you will need to reckon with the abject cruelty of your peers who laugh and mock the very idea of this. you need to reckon with the fact that a lot of people you respect, a lot of leftists doing genuinely good work, will respond to this by making fun of the people you're serving, even outright telling you their violent fantasies about these people. that is the experience of organizing in leftist spaces for profoundly disabled people. that is why so many of us burn out so fast. there IS a structural problem with mentally disabled people being seen as disposable and not a part of community. and it is EXTREMELY present in leftist organizing and outreach efforts.

[positivelyqueer]

so true beastie *we are laying in a field of dandelions and i am petting your massive snout* *you are 30 feet long and i love you*

[positivelyqueer]

ways a pet cat can help you deal with psychosis:

•if you see or hear something and dont know if its real or not, check if youre cat is reacting to it, something loud would make them look at it, someone intruding would startle them

•theyll make sure you get used to hearing random noises throughout the house, you can always check and see if they did it

•if tacticle hallucinations are bugging you, go over and pet your cat, they have such a nice real texture you can focus on

•some cats learn to come and comfort you when you need it most

•if nothing feels real, cuddle up to your cat, you can feel them breathing, feel their heartbeat, maybe feel them purring, thats real right there

•notice how your cat isnt judging you, they dont know or care that you are psychotic, they just see you as their owner and they love you

[positivelyqueer]

cleaning is extremely difficult. cleaning your home, your office, your car, your personal space, your clothes, your body, anything- cleaning is an intensive process that involves a lot of small movements, focus, and stamina. many people struggle with the various aspects of cleaning, whether it's the executive function involved with executing or conceptualizing each step involved, fatigue from having to gather supplies and move around, pain from long periods of time on one's feet or repetitive motion, drain from struggling to focus, or whatever else,

a lot of people are affected by the difficulty of cleaning. depression, adhd, schizophrenia, autism, fibromyalgia, hypermobile joints, EDS, POTS, MS, chronic GI problems, chronic pain, chronic fatigue and other disabling conditions can make cleaning and keeping a space clean over time very difficult if not impossible for a lot of people- please be kind to those who struggle with cleaning, and kinder to yourself if you struggle to keep up with cleaning. it is a very difficult task. it's not your fault you struggle with it.

[positivelyqueer]

hey, genuine question. Is there some kind of practicable skill or trick for remembering people’s names? It’s something that takes me a long time and there are people who I genuinely consider friends who’s names I still don’t know. The only way I seem to get it is if I’m in a repeated group setting where other people are using their name.

[positivelyqueer]

I understand that concern, but I think it’s something that can be navigated with trust and reassurance. A very dear friend of mine is particularly sensitive to people being passive aggressive, but she trusts me when I say that I will never be passive aggressive and I trust that they believe me. Sometimes it takes an extra ‘I know this may sound passive aggressive but I mean it very genuinely.’

Naturally this is a bit more difficult with people you aren’t as close or familiar with but I do think it’s achievable.

Hope you’re having a nice day :) (smiley face).

small relationship tip:

if you’ve got someone in your life who apologises for a lot, instead of constantly telling them that they don’t have to apologise for that thing, slip in a couple ‘thank you’s or other small compliments.

“I’m sorry I can’t talk about that right now.” -> “thanks for establishing a boundary.”

“sorry I won’t be home for dinner” -> “I’m glad you’re able to go out and spend time with friend/treat yourself/etc.”

“I’m sorry I vented so much” -> “thank you for trusting me with this.”

[positivelyqueer]

[ID: several highly detailed and close up photos of a brown velvet worm. It looks somewhat like a fat caterpillar, or if a sea-cucumber had legs, and are covered in tiny nodules. It has a pair of fat antennae and two small black eyes. It is crawling on a mossy log. /end ID]

Velvet worm, Eoperipatus sp., Peripatidae

Photographed in Singapore by Nicky Bay // Website // Facebook

Shared with permission; do not remove credit or re-post!

[positivelyqueer]

masculine looking cishet guy wearing an ”ask me about my pronouns” shirt. when you ask about his pronouns he really excitedly explains to you that they’re he/him.