potchies

[potchies]

— entry 009: january 10, 2023

sabi nga ni taylor at lagi kong iquoquote

"This love is good, this love is bad, this love is alive back from the dead, these hands had to let it go free, and this love came back to me."

thank you for always coming back. i hope that we have a great year ahead. happy anniversary, my love! let's enjoy our day. see u soon !

[potchies]

— entry 008: january 1, 2023

bab, happy new year.

as cliché as it may sound—ikaw ang plot twist ng 2022 ko. love does not always last with me, alam mo yan. pero eto, nagtagal. ang daming away pampatibay ng relasyon i think.

salamat sa video! we'll add more memories to this, patience lang lalove!

salamat sa pagsama sakin. sa saya. sa lungkot. sa galit. sa hirap ng buhay. sa hirap ng pinagdadaanan. sa pag-aaral.

salamat sa mga sakripisyo. sa pagbiyahe ng malayo, sa paggising sa umaga kahit mahimbing tulog mo, sa pag-intay sakin palagi at sa marami pang beses na inuuna mo ako kesa sa sarili mo.

salamat sa pagiging number 1 fan, sa i'm proud of u babi, sa pag-sesearch ng mga english words sa internet pag di mo ko naintindihan, sa pagpilit na umintindi, sa pagpapalate kumain sa gabi kasi nagrereply pa ako, sa pagorder ng shopee ko nung time na di maganda phone ko, sa pagclaim at pagpaparank sa ml at sa marami pang mga bagay na naging mabuti ang puso mo as it had always been (pati sa pagkakabisa ng mga kanta ni taylor)

kung wala ka, i can't figure out things alone. thank you for saving me from the bad days, from the trauma when it's not your role to begin with.

salamat sayo, leigh. araw-araw kitang mamahalin kahit minsan nagkukulang or minsan nga hindi makita. araw-araw kong susubukan kahit nagkakamali.

may bago na naman tayong taon na kakaharapin, sana maging maganda. sana mag-stay ang saya. sana laging masaya kahit imposible. pero tandaan mo lagi na aq din ang number 1 fan mo. everything you do will never fail to amaze me. wag ka mahihiya magkwento palagi sa akin, sorry rin kung di ako nakakakinig nang maayos dahil sa busy sa school.

magiging better pa akong girlfriend at iingatan na kitaaa, ayan ang new years resolution ngayong 2023. i hope it gets easier for you this year. you deserve better. hehe

mahal ko kayo ni ozzy. happy new year! pasensya na sa late message. hehe

[potchies]

— entry 007: january 04-06, 2023

of having fights

today, we went through lots and lots of fight. ang hirap ipaglaban ng relasyon natin. puro ups and downs.

everyday is a battle to not succumb to the overthinking, anxiety, to not let personal problems get in the way of everything. mahirap pero minsan natatalo nun eh.

pero babalik sa umpisa. how we were soulmates for meeting each other for the 2nd time on omegle. how we struggled for a lot of months to maintain a love in secret. how we promised to be kind—healing each other's inner child.

babalik pa rin sa umpisa. pero meron na naman biglang problema. matatakot uli lalo na ako. pero ipaglalaban pa rin.

and then we'll realize—it has always been about finding reasons to stay. about the comfort of knowing you'll get back together after the war. that no matter how much tears you shed—you'll never go through it alone. you're not on your own. i'm with you. even through moments that we fight.

[potchies]

— entry 006: july 18-19, 2022

of having bad days

[potchies]

— entry 005: n.d.

of having a bucket list

let's look back at this after 1 yr and i hope we've done even half and more of what makes both of us happy.

[potchies]

— entry 004: june 6, 2022

of having a good laugh since potchie died

it has been 10 days since potchie died and we had a good laugh in this conversation.

small thing pero pag nakikita kong tumatawa ka even through online, my heart is bigger.

i love you babi, everytime it gets worse and everytime it gets a little bit better. up to this day, i know how hard it is to lose a wonderful dog who have been the source of happiness and your only support system when u didn't know me yet. from the time u lost potchie, know that i will be with you in the mourning days and by the time of ur healing. both of u are so important to me.

to potchie: i promise that i will always, forever, take care of leigh the same way you made him smile when times are hard and we will always celebrate ur life.

babi, when times are more difficult than how it used to be, i will be with u. u can lean on me. and i know how easy it is to say things out of despair but always know that in time, we will be better. i hope you find peace and comfort from that fact.

[potchies]

— entry 003: june 10, 2022

of celebrating our 5th month of being together

warning cguro: cheesy points ahead pero mahal m aq kaya basahin m

hello babbb this is not a scheduled message i just want to greet you for our 5th month on time hehehe

it's been a great roller-coaster 5-month ride passed eversince we became partners. i love you since then.

sabi nga sa kanta ni taylor, in wildest dreams, i never dreamed of this. hindi q hiniling 'tong ganito, the most comforting love yet the hardest to maintain. comforting in the sense na i know there's someone who would never belittle my struggles, would call me pretty even on my bad days, who never sexualizes me, who gives exceeding far beyond the bare minimum. hard to maintain because this needed a lot of understanding and compromise. yet, here we are—celebrating our 5th and hoping for more. proving this is the kind of love that stays. one which leaves a permanent mark.

i was never the kind of woman who sticks through a relationship so long and never thought would be, but you made me into someone who tries to stay. the woman who puts a man onto a pedestal, romanticizing every ounce of what you do and what you are. i love you, leigh christian. to the moon and to saturn. my four-leaf clover, my moonlight, my lantern, everything valuable. i love you. mahal na mahal kita.

the past weeks may have been harder for you but i just want you to know that I'm and will always be here for you. just like you were there for me.

i promise to be more understanding, to be more stable, and to love you with all the love there is to offer. it's going to be fine, love. while i know that this statement wouldn't be enough to comfort you through these trying times, just know that i will never get tired of reminding you that it gets better in time. your difficult moments does not define you because to me, you are far above from the standards set in this world, you are the most unique, spectacular, kindest and the most wonderful person I've ever met and you are going to get through this, i believe in you. i love you. we love you— potchie, chopper and i.

i promise to be better every single day for u. i would lower my pride, i would choose u over anything, i would give this love my all. i love you babi so much. happy 5 months and here's to more. thank you for the most beautiful times of my life. (≧▽≦)

[potchies]

— entry 002: july 13, 2022

of celebrating potchie's 40th day of running free

hello little kiddo! (na malaki ang size at mukhang sanggol) how are u doing there at the rainbow edge?? do u make the other animals happy just as much as u do to us here?

we miss you every day especially ur dadi and his papa. i love you, our angel. please tell god to make life easier for leigh and for his family. may u bring us blessings and guide us every step of the way.

u are one of the roots of my success and everything i achieve, i also dedicate it to u. thank u for cheering my days up when u were alive. dear, i hope someday ur memories only bring us peace, comfort and giggles instead of sadness. run free. we promise to celebrate ur life and find peace from ur loss. we'll meet soon. but now, please visit our dreams.

[potchies]

— entry 001: june 17, 2022

first meet up natin babi! u made my graduation picture more memorable. i love you. hehe

our stops as far as i can remember ;

(1) u took an angkas ride to go to the casap school SUPER EARLY

(2) u were super early so we decided to meet sa bahay nina nyx (tricycle again) lumakad ka pa from casap to kanto ng sm marikina to find a ride

(3) we stayed sa bahay nina nyx to wait for aki, we played ml and drank rc na soper tamis

(4) when aki arrived, we took 2 tricycles to santolan station (likod ng casap)

(5) we are too early again kaya pupunta sana sa uratex pero nakakahiya gumala doon so nag-sm marikina tayoo

(6) we dropped by caramia and ate brownie alamode (?) gelato, we ate sisig for lunch, i bought u aloe vera gel, we walked out to meet our sched on pixelerate (i remember u throwing out the gelato kahit meron pa natira sa cup)

(7) we were thinking about my curfew so we asked the 3 girls if we can go first and they agreed, thankfully

(8) we had our makeups done, they curled my hair and gel-combed urs

(9) u took ur picture first then i followed, the ate asked u about why you are in marikina when u live in tondo, we hated the way we were instructed with our poses and posture

(10) after our own grad pics, we had the barkada pics done, sayang di pwede magtake separately tho

(11) before going home, we took pictures and they instructed us about the issuance of our framed pictures

(12) we went to nyx's house back while we separated before i even went in the tricycle i didn't say i love you back because i was shy and second, it sounded like a good bye to me

just like that, the remaining day became so easy. i love you, everyday feels like a first time with you. kissing you could easily take all the pain away, my love.