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Wayv - Attraction

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Being in a relationship takes a lot out of you. We all know this, we are all victims of it. Before you date someone you always flaunt about your life, and how good was when you were single. You have all the freedom in the world to do whatever you choose... but someday you will realize how lonely you are. Someday you will wake up and not be able to look at yourself in the mirror and be able to say confidently that 'you are happy'. 

And when you decide to take steps to change that, you might start running into a lot of problems. The person whom you thought you were, is really not who you really are. You are more quiet when it comes to social gatherings, you constantly float in the back of the room while people engage in 'expressive' conversations. You see them laugh and touch each other, ever so slightly... knowing deep down that you want that attention. That you would love to be in that position. But you can't... and you decide to take a breathe outside and maybe have a smoke or two. You might start looking at the stars or try to occupy your mind with thoughts about life, women, or how your buddy last night told you how he got with a chick; but it works... You are slowly forgetting about all of the pressure inside that room and all of the people in it.

Awhile later, you've given up, you don't want to make the effort in trying to insert yourself back into the room full of pretentious people rather you decide to take a walk, or maybe you'll even walk home (since you live a couple blocks down the road). You don't mind spending time alone, you're use to it by now. You're use to being by yourself. So even after you've woken up from your day, know that you are deeply satisfied with life but also extremely lonely, you still aren't able to get 'that' first conversation with any girl. All you want is that first conversation with a girl, that'll be enough to kick start a date and so on and so forth. 

All you really have to do is find the one you truly love and be with that one person for the rest of your life. Isn't that right? But you can't help to think that you are an introverted person and you are only 19 years old. 

Things change like the waves in the ocean, one day you are completely complacent and one day you are the opposite. It's so difficult to understand yourself when you have nothing to lean on, or something to work towards. You are what we call a 'floaty'. Floating in a state of limbo with little to no motivation to commit to a certain path in life, you ponder, and paralyze your thoughts before you are even able to make any decisions. Falling back to where you started... every single day, resetting the routine and all of the missed opportunities. You are so melancholy. You hate yourself for it. But it is what it is... right?

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Hi Benny, I just wanted to let you know that I secretly admire you from afar. Seriously. Keep being real.

Thank you. I will continue being real! 

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Do you plan on going to SAIT?

Nah, I'm going to return to the U of C in the fall. I will be able to commit to school more because by then my motivations will be different. 

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January 2013  I read 11 books, 20+ magazines, 60+ hours of online articles, got a job interview, got a job, got an opportunity to work with a start-up company filming a documentary, went to a lot of coffee meetings, started working out, fell in love with Nikita, spent more time with my family, traveled to Toronto, snuck into 400 level classes, got caught sneaking into classes, stayed in the ACAD library, stayed in the business library, visited SAIT, wrote more in my journal, took more photos, and most importantly lived life on my own terms. A grand total of 120+ hours for the month of January spent on studying: marketing, advertising, branding, innovation, creativity, culture, art, and design. When I decided to take a semester off school I had no clue what I would be doing with the extra time I had at hand. I lied to my friends telling them a lot of different stories of me leaving Haskayne, or taking fake classes. I couldn’t come to terms with myself, deep down I felt a little ashamed that I couldn’t be normal like everyone else. I couldn’t participate in conversations about that midterm that they just had, or the hours spent studying for their final exams. In a way, I felt out of touch with what it means to be a young student. I’ve missed out on a lot of experiences and disappointed a lot of people because of my lack of commitment. But I’ve also learned so many things on the way. I can’t believe that within the two months I’ve been more productive, more creative, and more focused. There’s not a day where I dread, it’s a complete difference from where I was the year before, where I had to literally drag myself to some of the boring classes. This isn’t for everyone though… not everyone can participate in self directed learning. I must say it’s a matter of discipline, and you must ask yourself “how bad do you really want it”. Do you wake up every day craving, starving, and yearning to work hard towards your passion? Those are the many things that I asked myself on a daily basis in order to keep myself in line with my goals.  I couldn’t have done this by myself. I wish I could take the credit, but success depends on those who you choose to surround yourself with. My friends, family, mentors, and teachers who constantly believe in me, that is where I garner my strength and hurdle over obstacles that I wouldn’t have imagined I could.  “All great achievements require time.” Understand that, and you will be destined to be great. 

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running an aimless tumblr blog isn't considered a 'personal project' my dude you're wasting the heck out of your time

I don't know what's up with you but... you can attack me all you want. You notice that I haven't been exactly 'running' my blog for the past couple of weeks, the reason being is it's not one of my 'personal projects'.I don't need to explain to the world what I am currently working on, hence-forth that is why it's called a personal project. You'll find out soon enough. Keep it rolling. 

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You're a dropout, right?

I am taking a semester off to focus on my personal projects. So no.

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http://twitter.com/chloehowl http://www.facebook.com/chloehowlofficial

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Bloc Party - Truth

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