psionicnerdtv-blog

[psionicnerdtv-blog]

Thanks for a good evening! I am getting used to streaming, wonder if I can do it daily once my schedule become clear. I still have lots to do and things to learn! ;) https://www.instagram.com/p/BqTWCieAW23/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1m1wdfwwbyght

[psionicnerdtv-blog]

I had a blast swimming in Vingåker bathing hall, did 200 m stroke and then leisure swimming for awhile. I find it relaxing and helpd in recovery from hardwork and strength training. On my way home now... (at Vingåkers Badhus) https://www.instagram.com/p/BpW5ws2hOvw/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1p01saufc7zfx

[psionicnerdtv-blog]

"Stök" playing at Katrineholm Festival, a post-punk band with the lead singer I know and we got up front as close we could to show our support!

[psionicnerdtv-blog]

I watched a Country band performing at Katrineholm Festival. It's a annual festival with markets and music here in Sweden.

[psionicnerdtv-blog]

New glasses finally delivered, my vision is now much improved. They also have some color correction I never knew was needed.

[psionicnerdtv-blog]

#Strength training #heavy lifting #toosweaty #toohot #noairconditioning #needfoodnow (at World Class Katrineholm)

[psionicnerdtv-blog]

Hanging with my sister, no stream tonight.

[psionicnerdtv-blog]

I was out swimming today trying to work through mental anxiety.

[psionicnerdtv-blog]

Homemade Garlic Bread to Stink up your breath!

[psionicnerdtv-blog]

I was out swimming in my human skin

[psionicnerdtv-blog]

Fortnite Screenshots, Exploring & Stuff

[psionicnerdtv-blog]

Helping my mother move into her new apartment, it has a light and spacious view... aside from all the boxes.

[psionicnerdtv-blog]

Struggling Thoughts

Hello, I don’t get to regulary write as I am limited with a samsung device which is bothersome to use in comparison to a PC. My Twitch streaming is done on a xbox one elite and I have plans on saving up to a PC eventually. 

I have dreams but most times my own mind gets in the way, I hate to admit it but I am known to give up after often long and very ardeous and often painful struggles. This time I won’t do that, because lately I’ve come to the realization that this will always happen, that my thoughts are not reflecting of reality but always something darker, I don’t understand my own mind and it has ups and downs quite regulary and it feels exhausting, I lose all energy, my body becomes sensitive to pain and all my willpower is sucked out the window. 

It’s deppression, anxiety and so much more, yet people around me underrestimate what I go through. This is how I always worked and will always work, it’s a disease and I don’t have a cure, but there are ways to treat myself but it’s not effortless. I have learned to not pressure myself and compare to the things I regret not doing in the past or compare to others that are more successful. I have come to not feel shame when sharing my thoughts with others because it made me feel weak because I now realize that this is something I am not alone in, there are many whom suffer with neurological disorders and still live fullfilling lives. 

I also know that if I keep working towards a goal, it will eventually come true, not soon and not in a week but it will be there in my future as long as I never stop working hard or stop to believe in that dream no matter how much pain I’ll have to suffer and it’ll be all worth it to enjoy those little moments of happiness I can get and believe that someday I may be happy as I am, that’s something worth believing in. It will take time and I will have to submit to do what is neccessary to become happier, but my mind will never be normal, I will always experience pain but a pain that you can live with. Life is a struggle!

[psionicnerdtv-blog]

Smacking pinatas, loot llamas!

[psionicnerdtv-blog]

Coffee with mother, who is staying at my sister's place. It's sunny and warm outdoors. #coffee #summer #morecoffee #drinkingcoffee

[psionicnerdtv-blog]

Trying out #thedarwinproject and freezing as an inmate next to the Cave of Ambigious Treasure

[psionicnerdtv-blog]

I usually don't go fishing

Today I went fishing with people I have known for a couple months. The first thing we did was to share breakfast together and morning coffee, I got yoghurt and some cereal. Then we gathered outside our usual place and made sure everyone coming were arriving before departure and we waited a few minutes for them.

I took my time to bask in the soft summer breeze in a new tank top I bought a week ago and after that we drove to our destination, a summer cabin with a walk across a garden with a few veggies sprouting here and there but no radish!

The lake was closeby and had a beach and was a clear and bright view seen from the cabin, we spent a couple hours polefishing with no catch but the waves were mesmerizing as I listened and felt a tranquility and peace of mind. The lake was shimmering like silver in the early light and dragon flies were scuttering on the water surface. I lost a slice of bread because it didn't stick as bait.

We took a break to explore the scenary and pondered the temperature of the water till we tried toedipping and it was temperance and pleasant. We will return here weeks from now to try out the swimming waters.

I got a sun burn, red scorching sore but it was worth it for the pleasant company and calmness near the lake away from usual stress from work and the business of modern life.

I usually don't go fishing, but I should do it more often.