pugstookmywifi-blog

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@poorlydrawncomic

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Recovery

I haven’t been here in a long time, and thats because I have been working to get healthier and happier. I would not say I’m recovered by any sorta but I’m trying my hardest. So far it is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do; and it almost makes me want to go back to my old ways. But one thing that’s stopping me from doing that is the story of girl; we can call her Claire.

Claire was 12 years old when she stumbled upon a magazine with women’s bodies plastered all over, all of them skinny and tall. Claire was always a skinny girl but she was at that awkward age where you gain more weight to grow. Claire began to worry about her body and how she looks, and eventually developed anxiety because of her fear of eating in front of people. She didn’t go swimming anymore, or go outside to play, she wouldn’t hug her own parents in fear that they would comment on her weight. 

Claire was 13 when she stumbled upon a pro anorexia blog on tumblr. She scanned through the images and passages of extreme dieting and exercise, and it only fueled her will to lose weight. That night Claire didn’t eat supper, and it made her feel in control. Claire soon skipped breakfast and lunch throughout the day and binged on junk food all night, only to end up hurting herself as punishment.

Claire was 100 pounds when she was 12. Claire was 13 and 85 pounds. She didn’t have the energy to walk or contact her friends, which she lost in return. Her family had no idea what she was going through, just laughed at her when she wore long sleeves and jeans in summer. Claire’s binging problem worsened and she developed severe depression because of her body image. Claire was dying.

Claire was just 13 years old when she tried to end her life. 5′2 and nothing but bones she downed a bottle of advil she found in her mother’s medicine cabinet; it wasn’t enough. Claire was just 13 when she wanted to die, and she couldn’t stand the thought of herself waking up the next morning. 

Claire was just barely 14 when she tried again, but for some reason no matter how many pills she took she would wake up. Claire was miserable with her body, filled with scars and fat. Claire joined a pro-ana chat on kik where they would use meanspo to maker her starve herself; these were adults and she was just 14 years old.

Ella Claire was 14 when she realized she was dying. 

I was 14 when I realized I was dying.

I am Ella Claire.

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Helpful Tip!

If you don’t allow yourself to be around food, you won’t want it as much. Don’t buy ice cream and candy, don’t hang out in the kitchen. - Ella

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Fuck these thoughts

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I don’t want to die. But I’ve stopped wearing my seatbelt and I don’t look both ways when I cross the street. I’d rather be asleep than awake. It’s not that I want to die, I just don’t care if I do.

I don’t want to die, I just don’t care. (via wonderlanddreamsx)

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reblog if you would be fine sharing a restroom with a transgender person

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Message me for an ana buddy- Ella

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Reblog if you want her legs

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Ana’s meanspo

Look at you. Go look in the fucking mirror you fat ass. Your thighs are touching again. How can you even pig your piggy fingers around your wrist? Oh yeah, you can’t. Grab your stomach, pinch your thighs, fat everywhere. You look disgusting, and if you eat today it’s only adding to the problem. Hey, don’t cry; just don’t eat hun. We are in this together, I’m doing whats best for us, okay? Now go drink some water and exercise you fat bitch

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I can’t wait to be skinny. I can’t wait to see my ribs poking out. I can’t wait to have cute, small legs. I can’t wait to have a defined jaw line. I can’t wait to see all the bones in my fingers. I can’t wait to be so light that people ask to pick me up. I can’t wait to look in the mirror without crying. I can’t wait to be happy.

(via fatty-x)

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Motivation

Your tiny legs are gracefully moving forward, the leaves crunching under your small feet, and the large sweater effortlessly covering your small figure. Small, slender fingers delicately grasping the warm cup of coffee, your breath fogging the air and warming your rosey cheeks. You did it. You’re finally thin.

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Winter

Winter is coming up, and no more excusing for wearing large sweaters. This is when I like to work on my body. And I’ll let you guys decide my workout.

Message me workout plans, as I’m starting with 30 pushups, sit ups, jumping jacks, and walking for an hour.

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Things to do when you’re skinny

1. Wear leggings without looking like a whale

2. Wear airy tank tops

4. Look good in everything

5. Be able to workout in public

6. Eat anything

7. Feel pretty

8. Take cute photos

9. Get a boyfriend/Girlfriend

10. Be happy

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My stats

I am 14 years old and currently weigh 105 pounds.

This blog is to track my progress and relapses, not to promote eating disorders.

- Ella

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Thoughts

Strange how we think we don’t matter. How in a few hundred years everyone we know ill be dead, and we’ll be forgotten. I often ask myself why I’m even alive. If I did end my life, the sun would still set, the birds would still sing, and the wind will still blow. I won’t change the world, even if I did I’d be forgotten eventually. But I think we’re all here for a reason. If I killed myself other peoples worlds would end. Even if you think you have no one who cares, you do. That compliment you gave that teenage girl? Gone, because you weren’t alive to do it. That compliment would have kept her alive. But because you weren’t alive anymore neither was she. You are important.