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i never wanna think or talk about this again

that'll be a hard conversation

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me when i’m facing consequences for my actions

How is any of this my fault?! I loved him! I still love him!

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Of all times, he had to lose it when I was away? I’m heading over right now- I really hope he’s okay. :(

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there’s something i need to tell you.

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Hi guys! We're celebrating our anniversary together in private and it's been lovely. <3 But! I did want to share something that my husband shared with me (and yes, he gave me permission.)

Look at this little guy~! ^_^

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The first would be a look into a different universe and the second would be an interaction. Don’t worry; they’ll celebrate their anniversary regardless…

…unless?

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He better not be!

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drawing myself in places I can't but want to be

references:

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Haven't been able to stop entertaining the thought of competition being Joel's love language. Most people that he loves or has amazing chemistry with at least in recent times are ones he's in or had friendly rivalries with (Pearl, Bdubs, Jimmy, Lizzie; Etho can count too. Scott is a wildly different case) and it makes me ill all over again about smallidarity

Jimmy has never had much opportunity to even think of his own comfort aside from a very basic and childish idea of it, so their relationship is built upon Joel's. Joel likes to tease and bully and he likes when it's reciprocated, he likes when he's challenged to help initiate a back-and-forth and although he can get very competitive, it's ultimately friendly. He probably doesn't know how to act when he oversteps, especially in Jimmy's case because he likes Jimmy (and Jimmy likes him) so it's not like he's gonna leave him alone and the upset he causes inevitably repeats. It's not like Jimmy makes it very explicit when he's genuinely hurt (though not for lack of trying), and that's when he's not dismissing his feelings altogether to basically smile through it, so it must be fine (You could also spin it into Joel wanting to "toughen Jimmy up" but that would've probably been an unintentional excuse on his part at most to push down anything he doesn't want to think about regarding their relationship)

With that lens, Joel's gradual change in demenour becomes even more affectionate to me. Jimmy hasn't tended to gain the upper hand over Joel - hasn't been able to reciprocate - so Joel's started letting him. He doesn't bite back as hard or make as harsh of a quip, if anything at all. As much as he does still push Jimmy around, he's helped Jimmy become comfortable where they're on more or less equal footing (or at least getting there). I'd like to think of it as Joel learning to meet Jimmy at a middle ground that's tailored to both their comfort, where they may continue to tease and compete and be little shits, but Joel can also be gentle and encouraging (and learn that he also likes that kind of affection and also that he doesn't need to hate himself for it. I hope). It's not that Jimmy was ever necessarily incapable of keeping up with him, it's their environment that's pushed his own wants and needs down, but Joel could offer a (hopefully permanent) space different from that via his opposition to the norm and his protectiveness and belief in Jimmy

I think his need to mock and compete is something he can learn to put aside for the sake of someone he cares about that much, as much as it goes against his toxic masculinity complex and as much as he'd refuse to admit to or acknowledge it. His past bad treatment of Jimmy is still something he needs to grapple with but sigh. He's doing his best whilst battling his demons. Truly the poster child of "he bullies you because he likes you"

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Leaving me in shambles, I'll survive dismantled

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what is it, do you think, about the smallidarity dynamic that allows jimmy the freedom to "poke back" and have that sense of reciprocity, compared to the FH dynamic where he didnt feel like an equal.

a lot of the time joel does posit himself as the "competant" one out of the two of them, just like scott did, so what do you think is the thing that makes jimmy confident in one relationship but not so much in the other.

my guess would be joels turn around in how he treats jimmy, but scott wasnt necessarily always like that either (?) (i think, i havent watched third life in a while) . especially with how fandom interprets scott as somehow being nicer to jimmy compared to others (which i dont think is true at all)

idk just the dynamic between those 3 is rly interesting to me (i also like that you point out that joel and scotts rivalry isnt as one sided as people make it out to be, scott is just better at optics)

You could boil it down to being as simple as Joel letting himself be hit back

Granted, I'm pretty sure in ESMP1 at least Scott and Jimmy are very cute, but a trend in Jimmy's dynamics with many other characters is him being enforced as the runt and denied any control, where if he tries to take any, in relationships or otherwise, he gets punished. Think of ESMP2 where he was continuously mocked and never allowed to take on the leadership he sought, instead being labelled a tyrant as an excuse to knock him down. Even on Jimmy's villain arc he wasn't taken seriously whatsoever and came out of it even more pathetic than before. Something I think exemplifies this well is the kiss fWhip gave him in the middle of Jimmy telling him that he was upset about him going behind his back (upon Sosig's encouragement too)

ESMP2 is arguably the worst of it, but that kind of treatment of Jimmy is not at all exclusive to it. He's treated as inherently worse and even corrupt in Evo, both by Martyn and the others, even though there's nothing really to support that and Jimmy goes out of his way repeatedly to prove himself to no avail. In Legacy he frequently puts himself down and is further misjudged by the others. Eg him being blamed by Joel and fWhip for mistakes in their business alliance, and Scott telling Jimmy he hadn't contributed much to a build they did together, even though in the timelapse you can see him doing close as much, not even mentioning the fact that Scott just took the design from someone else (which there's nothing wrong with but in context of him getting at Jimmy in his contribution? Hmm)

In Third Life, Jimmy trusts Scott, naturally, so he goes along with and to him, all the while Scott instils his incompetence, especially if he's being remotely challenged. Eg the whole sugarcane scene, the time Scott put down a cake for Jimmy and Jimmy (probably at least partially because of being shaken up by having triggered an explosion that killed 3 people previously), being scared, gets Scott to check it out, to which Scott basically laughs and teases him about it, in a way that makes fun of and dismisses his worry. Speaking of that explosion, when Jimmy was blaming himself afterward, Scott basically told him "yeah it was your fault" instead of comforting him. Jimmy even becomes fearful of Scott, eg when he says "what if he starts hitting me?". It's all him being punished and being played down. It's not until LimL that Jimmy really opposes him and even then he's clearly still affected

Joel also plays Jimmy down frequently, treating him horribly in ESMP2 before his sudden change of heart. Although Jimmy is already much more successful in opposing Joel than most others, he's still more often than not the loser at the end of their confrontations. The biggest example imo being when Joel kept killing him and stealing his hat and wings repeatedly while Sosig (who's supposed to be helping him there) doesn't really do much of anything to stop it and rather laughs along with it and I swear Jimmy sounds so legitemately distraught and hopeless by the end of it

Post Joel's change of heart though, all that basically stops and Jimmy usually gets teased at most instead. With each SMP and everything in between, Joel has started looking out fot Jimmy and become more comfortable being affectionate with him, which is already very different from the way Jimmy is usually treated. Joel opposes Jimmy's self depracation and the image others paint of him on multiple occasions, despite he himself also often making similar remarks. This is where his masculinity complex and homophobia come into play lol and I've spoken plenty about that before, but what I'm trying to say is that he sees Jimmy for more than most others and cares to the point of going against them whilst battling his own demons that get in the way

When he has a flirtatious exchange with Jimmy, he's stopped being vocally adamant about it being a joke instead of dismissing it. In the same way he doesn't usually dismiss Jimmy's competence and successes despite frequently joking about it. He's gone from calling Jimmy broken to telling him to not be so hard on himself. And when he does mock, Jimmy has started much more confidently mocking him right back, because he doesn't get punished for it anymore, not with Joel. It's mutual to the point of Joel just letting Jimmy hit him around if he so wishes to get back at him. Jimmy showcases his competence too when he's not being pushed down, well exemplified by his and Joel's fight in the Impossible SMP finale

I think it's evident how much Jimmy cares about Joel and values his opinion above anyone else's as a result. Because he's comfortable around him, so comfortable that he can't go one session together with Joel without making some affectionate remark or getting into some flirtatious exchange with him. Think of how readily and comfortably he engages with Joel, and then think about the 3 or more times Scott has brought up FH for Jimmy to usually not respond in the same vein (in RL, WL and an SOS stream I think). Jimmy's not stopped or discouraged or being used for someone else's benefit with Joel, and that applies to more than just the weird homoerotic energy between them, so they become something at least resemblent of equals

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Hey I know I'm a bit late but I had trouble too this is the link I ended up getting that seems to work

Jimmy actually used to have a playlist of all his streams on his main channel (just all unlisted videos) but it seems like he deleted it at some point recently. But I had a link to it saved!

youtube -- /playlist?list=PLh6hY_mP7Er6pw7ddLy7BIAMui4bFbqpg

If you search the full link on the wayback machine you can see the playlist there and get the links to any old streams! I checked a few and it seems like they are all still there unlisted.

You are a lifesaver anon. I've been able to track down the original VOD and the whole "lip biting" moment. Thank you so much anon that is actually crazy. You came in with such a clutch. I will leave you a special thanks at the end of the compilation

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decided to take initiative and get a valentine's day gift!

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Is this a safe space?

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Scott go die pls

All I have to do is speak and you guys wish death on me. :/