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Imagine this; you try so hard to get out of bed and get ready for the day like a "functional" human being, but it takes hours because you cannot muster the strength to move your legs, despite being very hungry and knowing you need to take meds. When you even think about getting up, you can no longer feel your legs, your limbs feel heavy and numb, the muscles refuse to listen to you, sometimes they even ache or have sharp pains. You realize you haven't cleaned in a month, but you still don't have the energy or motivation to vacuum, so you put it off thinking "I'll do it later". You haven't showered in two days because it feels like such an unnecessary hassle. Hobbies you know you love doing , you cannot do because your brain decides that you don't want to, despite knowing you do. You crave a certain meal, but can't find the energy to make it, so you have cereal for the 20th night in a row. You are dubbed lazy. You are told that you are capable of doing these things, you just choose not to. You go through daily life trying to push past the boundaries that chain you by your wrists and ankles only to find the shackles getting tighter and more painful as you pull against them. So, you eventually stop fighting the chains and let them drag you around because you're tired and it's easier to get things done when you wait until your brain lets you. You are a slave to the whims of your executive function.

Some days you wake up and things don't feel real. It all feels distant. It feels like if you tried to put your hand through a wall, you totally could because that wall is an illusion. You go through the day, pretending that everything is real (because it is, it just doesn't feel like it).

Other days, you wake up with a brain so stuffed full of cotton and static that you can't think in sentences or even words. You feel numb. You can't hold conversations with people you know and love. You can't do anything fun that requires thinking, so you just sit and stare at a wall until the feeling fades. And if you're lucky, it does fade after the majority of the day.

Some days, you can't remember or do anything. Why? Because you dissociate at a rate so intense you might as well be taking micronaps on and off all day. Your body feels stiff, it's hard to think continuously because, when you start to dissociate again, your thought train leaves the station and trails off into the distance where you have no hope of catching up to it. And if you try to fight the dissociation, it just comes back stronger and now you have severe brain fog so now you can't even think in words at all.

Whenever you're interacting with people, you overthink how you word things to try to avoid misunderstandings. You're paranoid that people will treat you poorly. Everyone around you is judging you for your body language and speech patterns. You put on a mask that makes you start to question which one is the real you.

Leaving the house can be one of the hardest things you can do. On top of the social anxiety, outside the house is loud and hot and smelly and bright, great conditions to get overstimulated. And when you get overstimulated, everything breaks down significantly. You start to cry and shake. You feel like you can't breathe.

Phone calls instantly trigger panic attacks when you receive one. And making one is just as hard. You sit there, finger hovering over the call button as everything within you is screaming that this is the hardest and scariest thing in your life.

This is our reality, our day-to-day life during a good period of our life. Every single day, we deal with severe executive functioning issues and social anxiety. Every few days we deal with derealization, severe brain fog, and severe dissociation.

This isn't even taking into account when we have bad periods of our life. When the depression hits so bad we have no desire to live, no desire to get out of bed, no desire to eat food, no desire to do anything but sleep all day so we don't have to feel anything and maybe escape to good dreams. When we don't want to burden any of our friends or family with our issues, so we disappear off the map. We isolate and don't talk to anyone. And yet, we beg he universe to let someone --anyone-- try to check on us and ask how we're doing so we can feel loved and cared for. But we simultaneously feel guilty for wanting that.

We're frustrated and angry that the government looked us in the eyes and said "you're no longer disabled." Even if we had the capability to handle a job, what company would willingly hire a disabled person who requires accommodations? What company would look at our complete lack of a resume and say "Yeah, this person would be great to hire"? What company wouldn't question why we have little to no work experience and a hole of no job activity for 3 years? What hope do we have to get a job, much less keep one? We've looked at jobs, all of them either require intense physical labor, social interactions physically and/or via phone calls, are hell jobs that would instantly overstimulate us, or require experience and/or schooling that we don't have. The library might be one of the few jobs we might actually be able to handle, but there are no openings at any of our local libraries. It also really does not help that we are unable to operate a motor vehicle in a safe manner and therefore don't have a driver's license or car, greatly limiting our options.

Uncertainty and fear have ruled our life moreso than ever since Social Security abandoned us and our needs. Submitting an appeal and having already waited for 4 months and still expecting it to take another 5 months to finish means we're left high and dry until they reinstate the payments until we inevitably get back on Disability Benefits. The reinstatement request has already taken 2 months with no word on any of it. The government does not care about disabled people. And that is why we've resorted to begging the people of the internet for scraps to keep us afloat. We pay only for necessities. Groceries, bills and rent. That is all. For the past 3 months, we have not paid for a single meal at a restaurant or gotten any take out. We have not been to any movies or conventions, despite planning to do so while we were still getting income. We have not been able to buy clothing we need, as everything we own is now too large to fit us properly, since the stress has caused us to lose a lot of weight at an alarming rate. No unnecessary trips outside so we can save our bus/train money. We walk to and from the pharmacy for meds, no matter the weather, in blazing heat despite being extremely heat-sensitive and prone to heat exhaustion.

Until the government decides to care about us even a fraction, this will be our reality. Living in uncertainty with no leisure allowed. We're working closely with our therapist to submit test after test and witness statement after witness statement and she feels good about our odds of our appeal being approved. We need about $200 a month to tie us over until our Disability Benefits are reinstated. If you could please consider donating any amount at all, we'd be forever grateful. With the end of the month swiftly approaching, that means we will have more bills to pay. Anything extra will be used for the next month's expenses. Thank you all, have a great day.

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I got followed by 6 porn bots and Spamton

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New vocal stim just dropped

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god i wish being able to drive wasnt the only way to have some resemblance of freedom

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if this passes im actually gonna do it i dont care anymore i dont care who loves me. if they truly loved me they would understand why

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they should invent a life for me that doesnt make me wish i could go stand out in this wicked storm were having and get struck by lightning and die

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remember when the tumblr ceo stalked a random trans woman offsite and posted about her on his blog and nothing of consequence for him ever happened of that. and tumblr admitting that they were banning trans women unfairly and then they kept doing that. like transfems you follow will suddenly disappear one day and sometimes the ones with bigger followings will reappear and get spread but you still will have mutuals who you just haven't seen for years because they were deleted without warning. and like shit just continues as if that didn't happen and it isn't still happening

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A family of Pectinodon. They're feathered but flightless. And they're led by their father. These dinosaurs and the Styginetta are both drawn here by a strange seasonal bonanza.

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This site is so exhausting. I can sat bitch butt fart queef kill assassination and everyone claps about rent lowering gunshots but if I bring up the fact that the queer community has a deeply rooted anti-trans (and indeed, an anti-transmasc) infection I start noticing half my dash can't be reblogged to Carby because soooo many of you have it blocked due to being rotten fools who can't let go of your potter/malfoy fics (not that I needed your shit one-liner post anyway but like. It's an indicator for sure)

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in keeping with the continued purification of the internet, itch io has shadowbanned or outright deleted all adult games.

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Ozzy Osbourne 1948 - 2025

Rest in peace, Prince of Darkness.

📸 Photo taken by Ross Halfin

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it literally doesnt have to be the way it is

'well thats how war is, killing innocent people' okay well not to sound like a hippie but get this: what if we stopped fucking doing that

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all sides of all wars just stop killing innocent civilians. jesus christ why is that so hard for anyone to comprehend

'well thats how war is, killing innocent people' okay well not to sound like a hippie but get this: what if we stopped fucking doing that

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'well thats how war is, killing innocent people' okay well not to sound like a hippie but get this: what if we stopped fucking doing that

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this is not my screenshot

discord has been pushing its new uk online safety act changes early for some users. this screenshot belongs to a 32 year old who used discords built in face scanner to verify their age. the scanner said they were 11 years old, and instantly suspended the account, with no option to try again or appeal, and the suspension will automatically end in 2027, when they’re “old enough” to use discord.

DO NOT SCAN YOUR FACE TO VERIFY YOUR AGE

if you really want to verify your age, use a different option available. don’t trust the face scan.

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