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These six goobers took over my life…How?

But seriously if you have any fun questions so I can make goofy posts feel free to ask

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Happy Father's Day, Jaune👔 🍼

Jaune: Ugghhh....

*having a vivid dream of him being violated by team RWBY*

No wait stop...

Yang: Hear that. Jaune is asking all of us to stop, should we?

Blake: *giggle* he would be more convincing if his "thing" is not being erect right now.

Weiss: (Oh shit what do I get myself into? I can't fit his whole "thing" inside of me. He's huge!) T-there's no way we're going to stop right Ruby?...

Eh, Ruby?

Ruby: *glug, slurp, lap, pop* 💦 What? Dig in girls. It's big and juicy. 😁

Jaune: Ahhh!!!

*wakes up*

Oh it was all just a dream...

I mean there's no way that team RWBY would do anything like that to me. They don't even like me like that...

Sometimes later

RWBY: Oh Jaune~ Guess what he havex4?

Jaune: What is it girls?

RWBY: *Hands Jaune a positive pregnancy test*

Jaune: *faint like the little bitch he is*

Afterwards

Yang: Why do we all decide to babytrap Jaune. You might ask?

I needed a backup plan in case my huntsman career isn't going to take off.

I know it's wrong nowadays to say a woman wanting to have a man as a provider, but with the economy the way it is. It's good to have options. And if needed I can just dump my brat with Jaune and leave them.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha..... Oh holy brothers. I have become my mother.

Blake: Why I want to have Jaune's litter?

At first I said. Hell no. I won't support the heteronormative agenda.

But then he gave me some good neck scritches. And I started having the baby fever.

Can't fight natural urges, I guess.

Weiss: M-Me. W-wanting to have J-Jaune's baby!?

(And what's wrong with having a baby with the man I love?)

The nerves, the audacity not to mention scandalous!

(You could not be more right. If only I can shout at the rooftop.)

Read my lips! I hate Jaune!!!

(I love Jaune 🩵)

Ruby: Why do I want to have Jaune's baby? 🐥

What a silly question. I'm the main protagonist. And he is my love interest. He is solely created to be my breeding stud. 🐴 🍆

And Because I love him and It's the only way I can do to make him stay with me. 💕

Secret Arkos.

Pyrrha: Team RWBY did What!?

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War of the Roses: Proposals

Ruby: Jaune, you’ve been close with us for a while now, and you really mean a lot to both me and Weiss.

Weiss: And we wanted to do this for tax purposes anyway, so…

Ruby: Will you marry us?

Jaune: Yes! Absolutely!

Weiss: Oh my god, you’ve made us so happy, Jaune.

Jaune: When’s the wedding, I need to find a new suit for the occasion!

Ruby: Three months!!!!!

Three months later…

Ruby: …Jaune. Why are you wearing a priest’s outfit?

Jaune: …because I’m marrying you and Weiss together? I mean I have the certification for being a deacon right here but I figured I’d look the part too.

Ruby: Deacon? Why would the you need to be a deacon…oh no.

Weiss: Why “oh no”? It’s not like he thought he was just…the…officiant…oh my god…

Jaune: …what?

Ruby: Jaune.

Ruby: When we said “Will you marry us?”, we meant will you be our GROOM.

Jaune: Oh.

Jaune: OH.

Jaune: Wait is THAT why you had me plan the honeymoon??????

Weiss/Ruby: YES.

Jaune: I THOUGHT I WAS JUST BEING A THOROUGH AND SUPPORTIVE OFFICIANT.

Ruby: WHY DO YOU THINK WE BOUGHT SO MANY CONDOMS?????

Jaune: I THOUGHT YOU WERE PRACTICING SAFE SEX!!!!!

Ruby: WHY WOULD WE NEED CONDOMS IF WE WERE ONLY HAVING LESBIAN SEX?????

Weiss: Wait, you told Jaune to buy condoms? Why would we need that?

Ruby: WHY WOULD WE NOT NEED CONDOMS????????

Weiss: I thought the point of getting married was to legally be able to rawdog it?? And tax breaks???? Is that not the point of marriage????????????

Ruby: THE POINT OF MARRIAGE IS TO LOVE AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER TILL DEATH DOES US PART, NOT RAWDOGGING IT AND TAX BREAKS.

Weiss: Wait, really? Huh. Learn something new every day. Honestly that makes marriage seem a lot more stressful. Not sure I would’ve agreed if I knew that.

Jaune: If it makes you feel better, Weiss, legally rawdogging it was the reason my parents said they got married, and they seem perfectly happy.

Weiss: Don’t you have 6 sisters?

Jaune: Seven.

Weiss: Damn. Okay, good to know the record to beat.

Ruby: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO?!?!???

Further into the pews…

Yang: *sniffle*

Yang: It’s so beautiful…my baby sister is getting married…

Taiyang: *sniffle*

Taiyang: It’s just like when Raven, Summer, Qrow and I got married. Right down to the rawdogging.

Qrow: Don’t remind me of that shit, Tai. I’ve spent 20 fucking years trying to forget that particular conversation. You’re lucky I haven’t divorced you.

Blake: Are none of you the least bit concerned that Ruby is basically the only sane person in this three way marriage? Are they going to call it off now?

Qrow: I assure you, Ruby is the least sane person onstage. The other two are dumb enough to not know what they’re doing, Ruby’s smart enough to know exactly what they’re doing, and is doing it anyway.

Ruby: *distantly* SO DO YOU IDIOTS WANT TO GET MARRIED OR NOT?

Weiss/Jaune: *distant murmuring*

Ruby: *distantly* GOOD. NOW IS THERE ANY OTHER IDIOT IN THIS FUCKING ROOM WHO CAN OFFICIATE THIS WEDDING????

Qrow: And that’s my cue. *gets up and walks down the aisle*

Blake: …you all deeply concern me.

Yang: Blakeeeeee, can we have a messy unorthodox wedding with Sunnnnn????????

Blake: …*sigh*

Blake: Fuck my life.

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Zero regrets

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©东予薏米  jade rabbits making mooncakes for mid-autumn festival

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Nora: *bench pressing 505lb*

Yang: *whistle* Damn girl, you make it look easy! I can barely do 305 myself.

Nora: *posing the weight back, sitting up and wiping off the sweat from her forehead* That's nothing compared to Jaune.

Yang: *turning her head towards Jaune, cocking an eyebrow* But he's only doing calisthenics-

Nora: What time is it?

Yang: *confused* 3 pm, why?

Nora: *deadpan* He's been at it since 7 am.

Yang: ... H-how!?

Nora: *shrug* Apparently, ballet is more akin to a spartan training regimen than actual dance lessons. I tried his "light" exercises... *Shiver* I was unable to walk for a day...

Yang: That bad!?

Nora: I felt muscles i didn't know i had, Yang! Jaune-Jaune might be unable to jump in the air and do fancy attacks like us, but in a marathon? He would beat us all!

_ Jaune's "light" training _

Jaune: *perplexed* You guys alright?

Pyrrha: *out of breath* J-Jaune! We can't- *huf* We can't walk all day like you!

Jaune: ... *Tilting his head* Can't y'all use aura to help?

Nora: *transporting an almost dying Ren* WE ARE!

Jaune: ... *Scratch his head* Really? But i haven't even used mine yet, how can y'all be exhausted already?

Pyrrha: We've been walking for 5 hours-

Jaune: *happily smiling* And we have 5 more hours to go. So chop-chop, more walking and less complaining!

Ren: *weakly extending his hand towards the sky* D-dad? Is that you? Can i finally... rest?

Nora: *Panicking* REN! DON'T WALK TOWARDS THE LIGHT! STAY WITH MEEEEE!

Jaune: *rolling his eyes* Fine, we can take a short break, but no complaints that everything hurts even more when we start walking again, ok?

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(Warning, smut ahead! i repeat; smut ahead!)

Nora: *speaking with team RWBY, laughing, opening the door to her team's dorm* -Pyrrha was blushing do much, she- *noticing Pyrrha and Jaune SAVAGELY going at it, closing the door as quickly as she could* ...

Yang: *confused* What's wrong?

Nora: ... Remember how i said Pyrrha confessed yesterday?

Yang: Well duh!? You were telling us how it happened just a second ago!

Nora: *gulp, blushing* Yeah, i think she was kind of pent up, because i literally saw Jaune's bed broken in half and the door to the bathroom is broken too.

Weiss: *scoff* Nora, to think you'd invent something so ridiculous. *Open the door* There's no way-

Pyrrha: *full volume, not caring at all about being heard* FUUUUUUUUCK! JAUNE, I'M CUMMING! I'M-

Weiss: *close the door, red like a tomato* ........ W-well... That's... I...

*sound of "something" hitting the door*

Weiss: ...

*sound of "SOMETHING" hitting the door multiple times, with audible grunts being heard as well*

Blake: Holy- How long will they go at it!?

Ren: *going back from a walk, noticing Nora and team RWBY in front of the dorm* ... I assume they still haven't finished?

Yang: *turning towards him, also red like everyone else* WHAT DO YOU MEAN "STILL"!?

Ren: Well, they started kissing this morning, then i came back around an hour later and they were having... Intercourse.

Weiss: BUT ITS 5 IN THE AFTER NOON!!!

Ren: *shrug* I think i heard Pyrrha scream something about Jaune having discovered his semblance and how they'll go at it all day. I just told them to not touch our beds, because i was not going to open that door when i heard, and i quote; "It's like a cow getting milked".

Pyrrha: *muffled by the door, yet still clearly audible* YES, GIVE ME YOUR BABIES! MAKE ME YOURS!

Jaune: *grunting heavily*

Pyrrha: *screaming his name in pure bliss*

...

...

...

Nora: ... *knock at the door*

Jaune: *Opening the door, covered in bite marks and scratches, wearing a pair of short* Hey guys, wassup?

Nora: *goes to speak*

Blake: Can i get whatever you just gave Pyrrha?

Ruby: *who stayed stunned all that time* Blake, what the hell!?!

Blake: *shrug* What? You can't tell me you ain't curious on what can make the invincible girl sing like a canary!!

Ruby: *the same color as her name* Not with my friend, no!

Jaune: ... *Looking at Nora* So uh... You need anything or?

Nora: Yes, my innocence back.

Jaune: *wince* Sorry, i honestly just wanted to hold hands for a while.

Nora: *grabbing Ren's arm* And the room, for the next hours.

_ _ _

Pyrrha: *sitting in team RWBY's dorm with Jaune and team RWBY* ... *Hide her face in her hands* I can't believe it, i'm so sorry!

Yang: Hey, don't sweat it. From what i glanced, i'm 70% sure i would have screamed even louder than you.

Weiss: ... *Blush, scooting closer to Jaune* So, about those romantic feelings-

Jaune: *deadpan* I was looking for a romantic partner, not a friend with benefits. You missed your chance.

Weiss: *sigh* Figured.

Blake: Anyway, who started-

Jaune: *point Pyrrha* Her. *Chuckle* I was planning on going on a romantic date, but holding hands triggered something in her.

Pyrrha: *blushing* You looked so adorable! I just couldn't stop myself! Your stupid smile and your beautiful eyes and- *looking to the side* I need to calm down or i'll go at it again!

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The Crown is Never Wrong.

Cinder: Uwahaha! It's too late Jaune. With the Crown of Choice I will be able to see my future and no one will stop me!

Jaune: *Hurt *You will never win!

Cinder: Why don't we see it? Let's see what your future will be like when I'm done with you! Uwahahaha!

Cinder puts on the crown and a vision appears in her mind.

Vision:

Cinder: *Holding a baby* She is so beautiful.

Jaune: *Next to her* Yes she is.

Vision ends.

Cinder: *Red*

Jaune: Um... Are you ok?

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「満員電車で潰れるおっぱいをジロジロ見るおっぱい好きな子（２枚）」 by 開栓注意 | Twitter

๑ Permission to reprint was given by the artist ✔.

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(ラマンダ 2代目（@ramanda_oekaki）さんのメディアポスト / Xから)

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'Co-op Cosplay' Comic (6/6)

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Updating my banner/background for the first time in 2 years

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From @crests-playground