queenofsarcazm

[queenofsarcazm]

the fact that walls get dusty is ridiculous. you're vertical. act like it.

[queenofsarcazm]

there's a jewish story about a rich man who goes to his rabbi to ask him about building an orphanage, and the rabbi is like "yeah duh go for it!!" and then later the rich guy comes back and is like "actually I've decided not to... I was just doing it for my own image and not coz I cared about orphans" and the rabbi was like "bitch the orphans don't care why you're building the orphanage!!!" and sometimes I wish I could say that to lefties who haven't unpacked their christian upbringing. sometimes motives don't matter!! who give a fuck why a politician wants to do a good thing? bitch the orphans don't!!

[queenofsarcazm]

if a guy asked me for my daughter’s hand in marriage I’d be like “ew, what the fuck is wrong with you? you want this to be a handshake deal like you’re buying a prize heifer? you’re disgusting, what an objectifying thing to do before asking a beautiful, confident, intelligent adult woman to spend the rest of her life with you… HAHA. just kidding. got you, sonny. go ahead. was a little weird to ask me but I guess you’re still engulfed in the patriarchal fog. do some self-improvement before you become someone’s husband.” and I’m sitting on a rocking chair on my porch in some ratty overalls and a flannel shirt with a banjo on my knee during this conversation

[queenofsarcazm]

found this three year old draft buried in my files. is it funny? I don't remember

[queenofsarcazm]

the bi/pan alliance and the aro/ace alliance in my city did the funniest possible thing for pride today

[queenofsarcazm]

quiz: why do lobsters have one claw bigger

[queenofsarcazm]

“no one’s ever mad at me unless they tell me so” is the best assumption i’ve ever made

[queenofsarcazm]

writing is so fun

[queenofsarcazm]

People continuing to not understand how child support works and trying to find anyway to paint single mothers receiving it as the villain is soooo headache inducing. There was one Reddit AITA story where the OP offhandedly mentioned that her mom had used her child support payments from her dad to repair the house they were living in (the post was about how her father was an emotional and mental deadbeat but did the financial bare minimum to keep from getting into legal trouble) and everybody totally ignored the contents of the post and zeroed in on that one comment. Lots of “Child support shouldn’t go towards your HOUSE or your CAR, it is for the KID only!!!!” and “You shouldn’t be mad at your dad for letting you starve, you should be mad at your mom for spending the child support money on [basic survival life upkeep].” If not for keeping a roof over a child’s head, what the fuck do you think child support is for? It’s supposed to reimburse the custodial parent for money they’ve spent on the child so what specifically they’re doing with that actual check is none of your business. But putting it towards home repairs is an extremely responsible decision and good parenting. Unlike mailing your kid $200 a month and patting yourself on the back about it.

[queenofsarcazm]

[queenofsarcazm]

Beautiful gorgeous creature of the day is a friendly squid

[queenofsarcazm]

[queenofsarcazm]

A family of cheetahs sleep with the forest guard every night. When the Forest Dept. heard about it, they decided to check the veracity of the claim by installing a CCTV camera. This is what the camera recorded! Just amazing.

Kitties will be kitties 🐈‍⬛

[queenofsarcazm]

That is a Majestical Beast 

(Source)

[queenofsarcazm]

the Trump administration being like “we’re not releasing the files because uhhhhh. for the sake of the victims. yeah.” and the (surviving) Epstein victims being like “no. release it. please drop the files. crack them wide open.”

[queenofsarcazm]

"you don't owe anyone anything" You are a tar pit. Speak for yourself. I personally owe the cafe employees my dishes put away and my friends a listening ear and small scared insects a cup and a gentle trip outside. Hyperindividualism is a rancid infection borne of capitalism and willfully misinterpreted therapyspeak and I will defy it by continuing to be kind regardless of whether or not it benefits me personally

[queenofsarcazm]