yearningforbachpan

[yearningforbachpan]

I'm so going to score 80+

[yearningforbachpan]

Bruh I'm like. So tired.

[yearningforbachpan]

I am stuck in the 70s atp and this doesn't hit home

Scored my first 70 in mock, i am so proud of myself hence the documentation

[yearningforbachpan]

Hi

I have a problem. time. i got 6 in cr just because i messed up time. Sg you need to solve it babygirl. you need to perform your very very very best in those 2 hours babygirl. strive struggle you can do it

[yearningforbachpan]

Sanity itself may be the price of trespassing the accepted frontiers of consciousness

[yearningforbachpan]

fuck it dean lewis fuck it

[yearningforbachpan]

On another note, it's very heartbreaking to see how our relationship has progressed over the years. I couldn't wait to be like her but now I'm just so done. I want to flee the country I want to be far away from her I want her to cut the leash she holds onto me EVEN IF IT HURTS AND MAKES ME A LOSER IN THE END. I just want my alone days again I want my bedroom ka safe haven typa vibe again I can't have her forever in my life it's going to make me the best person in the world with a sad sad sad heart

[yearningforbachpan]

No but

Yk how that quote goes- every girl wishes she doesn't become like her mother and every boy can't or something whatever you get it.

I think for me, this stands for my sister. I love her so much and probably much more than than I respect her so much. But I don't want to be like her. I can already see traces of her in everything. Traces of her most in my conversations with her. I rebutt her responses with what she would have responded to me as if I were her and she were me. This continues in other conversations as well, I'm very mean, very bossy around people I'm not supposed to be. Oh you didn't score good because you had a headache? That's supposed to be a bad excuse, it's just you are not trying enough. I wouldn't have done this I value everyone gives their best I VALUE EVERYONE'S FIGHTING THEIR OWN STRUGGLES. even if it means crying to taylor swift and having a bitch face all the time. I value that when you let teenage children be teenage children l and not boss around them for hygiene and make them doubt their entire life.

Here's the thing, idk why her relationship ended up the way it did. But if it's what I experience, even though she won't do that to anyone but me, because she loves me and cares for me beyond few scoldings but that traverses the line of respecting the process, I get it. I'm so sorry, I love her I respect her I even can't wait to be like her but I never want to be her. You can't be dominant over every single topic of conversation we have. You are allowed to be lost and someone pls tell her this I'm dying

[yearningforbachpan]

i did set out to explore my potential but what if i shouldn't? I don't think this is going anywhere im crying sososososo bad

[yearningforbachpan]

WHO'S GOING TO GET 12/12 IN DECEMBER

memememememmemeemememmemememememeME

[yearningforbachpan]

Mock today HAHA-

So fucking long, easy though. Got 91.75 if you minus the 20 min extra AHEM. otherwise 67 lelo bhenchod

[yearningforbachpan]

HELLO WHY AM ALL HYPER AWARE OF MY OVULATION AND SHIT OUT OF NOWHERE AND SAD MY NOT-EVEN-TALKING-STAGE-CAUSE-HE'S-ALREADY-A-GULZAR-FOR-A-MEENA-KUMARI-SHIT jesus christ lord save

[yearningforbachpan]

Sg you aren't going to open telegram today okay

[yearningforbachpan]

Also, I might not be in the best of moods this year. And while I deeply do get that, life was bad, and I do still feel guilty about all my hopes, my study hours, my aspirations, my decisions, my everything and every part of me yearns for this to be over, but I know it's a long way to go so not yet, but it's nice to find myself genuinely enjoying the journey at times. 19 year old sniggie, if you are reading this, You are in the time zone i always wanted to be right now. But I didn't waste this year either. I am so proud of you whatever you did. I am so proud for this moment and whatever I am doing. :) Cheer up, the journey wasn't 4/5th bad haha :)

[yearningforbachpan]

Nothing like listening to Gulzar/ ghazals your online boy friend ( Boy FRIEND) suggested while preparing for an entrance that's already fucked you over IN THE LIVING ROOM with your mother SNORING by your side at 1:07 am. Might not be what i planned to do with my 18, but I think I don't mind it either. There's alot to life. Here's to more of it ig?

[yearningforbachpan]

Well worked out after 4 days wtf mate I'm back to 0

[yearningforbachpan]

Also tumblr, I really have taken a drop year. That's the way life goes :)