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His sensitive little ass cannot have

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Some Peters only keep ONE stash???!

Would anyone like me to “spill the tea” on my teammates? I have nothing to do today!

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His ass cannot handle jambalaya (he hungy) (his bowl has literally just been filled)

Powderpuff when he sees me cooking something (his stomach is too sensitive to handle anything other than, like... two brands of puppy food, boiled and unseasoned meat, and very plainly cooked vegetables):

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Powderpuff when he sees me cooking something (his stomach is too sensitive to handle anything other than, like... two brands of puppy food, boiled and unseasoned meat, and very plainly cooked vegetables):

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In case it wasn't obvious: yes, she pegged me. Because im confident enough in my masculinity to admit that I love my wife doing that to me.

Lying on my tummy bc I can't sit properly, and my wife is laughing 🥺🥺🥺 why everyone so mean to me???

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Lying on my tummy bc I can't sit properly, and my wife is laughing 🥺🥺🥺 why everyone so mean to me???

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:)

Me when no wife: ♟

Me when wife:

🗼

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Me when no wife: ♟

Me when wife:

🗼

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Dressing like papa,,,,

Mr. Puffball (Powderpuff) has decided that my jacket is now his bed...

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Mr. Puffball (Powderpuff) has decided that my jacket is now his bed...

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Hi! Figured since I post so much about it, I'd do a rough/basic timeline for earth 311619 - my spidererse universe.

Just for simplicity, I'm going to summarise and shorten a lot of shit lol.

Billions of years ago: big bang happens. Universe begins.

0 ce: Jesus gets born, he's a chill dude. 

33 ce: Jesus dead. Deified by human belief. 

1000's ce: arachnid twins begin to exist. Silibara and Araven. They're found by indigenous people and raised alongside them.

1500's ce: European colonisers arrive in america. Not good. Lots of shit happens. Signing of the treaty of the pantheons. Thor is there, as is Jesus. They love the big bugs.

1800's ce: Arachnid brothers get into a fight. Split sides, pantheons choose alignments. Lots of conflicts through history.

1914-1918 ce: wwI

1939-1945 ce: wwii. Bucky Barnes becomes the winter soldier. 

1952 ce: birth of Philomena and Thomas Tulper. 

1969: Sam Wilson becomes Captain America. Moon landing, Philomena and several other girls escape from a residential school with the help of Araven and Coyote. The girls make their way to the Tulper family cabin. All but one leave.

1973 ce: Philomena and Thomas Tulper marry. Judith Tulper born. 

1979 ce: Connie Tulper born.

1980 ce: Mark Spector and Verity Tulper born.

1993 ce: Maximoff twins, Amber Baudelaire born.

2000 ce: Connie Tulper finds both necklaces containing the arachnid brothers, becomes their champion. Starts college, becomes Arachnida.

2005 ce: Benjamin Tulper dies in an accident. Connie breaks up with her girlfriend, and her friend group becomes one smaller. Pietro “Peter” Maximoff breaks into the pentagon, gets caught and sent to Xavier's School For Gifted Youngsters 

2006 ce: Marc Spector and Layla Al-Fouley cancel engagement. Steven Grant starts studying egyptology at CSU. Moon Knight and Arachnida start fighting crime together. She later gives up her necklaces and stops fighting crime.

2007 ce: birth of the Tulper twins, battle of Manhattan.

2010 ce: Loki of Asgard married to Carson Asperta.

2016 ce: Professor Steven Grant starts teaching egyptology at CSU. Meets and rekindles relationship with Dr. Constance Tulper.

2021 ce: Connie and Spector/Grant/Lockley get engaged and married. Sgt. Spector, Professor Grant and Jake Lockley legally adopt their step-sons, Codiak and Tobias Tulper. 

2022 ce: Peter Maximoff gets caught having sexual relations with his assistant/manager, Amber Baudelaire. 

2023: Spider-by-proxy begins…

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What is the lore of this world I’m so confused

Ooc: I have a post about it on one of my other blogs.

I'll reblog it, too. But the tl;dr? It's all kinda messy bc it's for a fic I've been working on for my spiderverse oc.

Anyway, I'll give you a rough timeline for Peter:

1990's: Pietro "Peter" and Wanda Maximoff are born to their mother, Magda, an immigrant from Poland.

2003: Wanda gets found by sorcerers and witches to be the Scarlet Witch, gets sent to Magic school to learn. Pietro starts acting out.

2005: Pietro attempts to break his father out of prison (unsuccessfully); gets enrolled at Xavier's and joins the X-Men as an extracurricular.

2007: Battle of New York. 14 year old Peter Maximoff becomes a smash hit overnight as a hero.

2008: 15 year old Peter starts dating alien princess Crystal Amaquelin.

2012-ish: Magda Maximoff passes away from a brain tumor in her sleep. Peter and Wanda get into an argument in their grief. Crystal Amaquelin is found having an affair with the human realtor that was attempting to sell the Maximoff family home. Peter starts diving into substances (mainly alcohol and marijuana) and being sexually foolish in an attempt to mask his sorrows.

Modern day-ish?: Peter Maximoff starts fucking around with his manager. They get caught, decide to take things seriously. Cue this blog.

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Who’s your favorite x man to work with

Oof, uh. It's been a damn hot minute since I've been on that team, uh...

Remy was always fun, he invited me to his bachelor party a couple months back. Kurt, too.

Scott was pretty chill, and Jean too.

I'm pretty sure I got on great with all of my class, honestly.

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Hey so just a word of warning to my moots and followers, I'm gonna be going abroad on a family holiday in a couple days, so I might not be as active.

I'll try and interact, reblog stuff yk, but I won't be on here, like... all the time.

Anyway, uhhh... I love dilfsilver?

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I have my ways, baby cakes :3

Know what? Fuck it, since Ames brought up MY High school extracurricular a while back, how about we take a look at HERS?!

( @lycanthropy-insanity suffer >:])

Here is how my sweet, sweet nerd wife looked during her Sophomore year of high school, ain't she cute?

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Know what? Fuck it, since Ames brought up MY High school extracurricular a while back, how about we take a look at HERS?!

( @lycanthropy-insanity suffer >:])

Here is how my sweet, sweet nerd wife looked during her Sophomore year of high school, ain't she cute?