quietghostling

[quietghostling]

Lidia Yuknavitch, from Reading the Waves: A Memoir published in 2025

[quietghostling]

i’d rather be dizzy than disgusted

[quietghostling]

The desire for an ana buddy who understands what I'm going through to commiserate with and motivate me to meet my goals:

🥺🥰

The potential to worsen someone else's disorder and cause them irreparable harm by encouraging their destructive behaviours:

💀😭

[quietghostling]

I needed a break but I'm back. I've been maintaining at 145 but not losing so I need to lock back in. I've been doing much better about exercising daily, at least. But I want to do even better.

Going to do OMAD for a bit again. Since Linzess isn't working I don't have to worry about taking it during lunch anymore. For now, anyway. I still need to message my doctor and she might increase the dose. We'll see, but for now... OMAD at dinner.

[quietghostling]

Going to spend time on my main again. I'm in a really, really, bad place but I don't think anyone rly cares here. At least that's what my brain is telling me

With how things are going I'll be at by gw by the time I come back at least

[quietghostling]

I'm scaring myself with how much I'm thinking about suicide. I messaged my friend and emailed my therapist for an earlier time but I'm visualizing a plan and sitting with a knife to my jugular after googling the jugular just for comfort. Not that I'm going to do it, just for comfort.

I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want everything to be hard anymore. I'm terrified about the state of the world and what's happening in my country and I know it's worse elsewhere, it's always worse, that's the problem. Every little thing in life is harder than it should be, tasks are hard, friendships are hard, relationships are hard. I'm tired

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I feel like I ruin everything. Why can't I just be normal

[quietghostling]

OMAD today and it's tequila

[quietghostling]

I hate everything

[quietghostling]

Feeling back on track the past few days. I had 607 cals already today so I'm going to make an excuse to not eat dinner. My bf is excited to cook so we'll do that but I'm not going to eat any

[quietghostling]

[quietghostling]

Hey hey. I've been spending all my time on my main. I felt like I should disappear until I got to my first gw, and then I got there, but then binged for two days afterwards 😞 We made a big meal and dessert for a guest and that completely threw me off

So I'm back at it. I hope my moots have been doing okay 🖤🩶🖤

If I eat anything today, the choices are restricted to hard boiled eggs, 1 or 2 servings of pretzel sticks and hummus, pickles, and chicken broth

[quietghostling]

I had a great time at the wedding. I feel good about not eating much but I probably had a little too much to drink. Looked too fat in photos. I'm at the airport now and probably won't eat anything until we get home this evening.

We have a goth night next weekend so I'm going to aim for losing more weight for that over the course of the week.

I'm disappointed the scale didn't show that I hit my gw by the wedding, though I was close. I will keep going.

We have another wedding in November and I will be smaller by then.

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I wonder how the girls I was in love with in my late teens and early 20s are doing now...

Lisa was my first major crush but she was older and dating someone and I was underage

I met Whitney in the adolescent psych ward and spent time with her after we got out, my first kinda-gf

I met Emilia online and we were good friends who crushed on each other but she was ethereal and out of my league and I was insane

Li and I had folie a deux and it was the most fun. She was a semi homeless schizophrenic felon and I flew to visit her in her state which is when she told me she was in love with a guy

Sometimes I want to go back in time

[quietghostling]

Under 500 today. Going to try to do the same tomorrow.

[quietghostling]

x

[quietghostling]

Some of my fav thinsp0 angles 🤍🤍🤍