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yeah kells is absolutely the type to have like 3 kids under 4 just bc he cant keep off his wife and that’s the type of shit that fans r like “clayton get OFF OF HER DAMN!!!!” but nah he’s having 6. full keller hockey team. but like if u have twins he’s lowkey disappointed bc thats one less time he gets to knock u up. i need him so bad

content warning for light breeding stuff and non-explicit sex

they’re calling you a “baby factory” again.

clayton just laughs when he sees the headlines, scrolling through twitter with one arm around your shoulders, the other hand bouncing your four-month-old daughter on his knee. her chubby fist is stuffed in her mouth, drool pooling on his sleeve, but he doesn’t care. he’s too busy grinning at some meme of himself photoshopped onto a construction worker, hard hat labeled “fertilization department.”

— another one, kells? — bro get off her damn 😭 — this man is trying to build his own full-ass hockey line

he loves it. absolutely eats it up.

"they act like i’m not being responsible," he snickers, turning his phone for you to see. "like, i provide for my family. my kids are taken care of. i just happen to enjoy putting them in you."

you groan, pressing your forehead into his shoulder. "jesus christ."

he drops a kiss to your hair, smug as ever. "what? it’s true."

"clayton, get off her, damn!"

the tweet was plastered all over your timeline before you even had the chance to announce baby number four yourself. the comments were just as bad. — learn to pull out. PLEASE. — my guy, let her breathe. — another one???? again????

another one. yeah. again.

your hand rested over the barely-there swell of your stomach, rolling your lips together to fight the smile threatening to spread across your face. because, yeah, it was crazy. you already had three kids under four, and now here you were, pregnant again, just seven months after your last. but was it really your fault? not when your husband looked at you like that, not when his hands were always on you, not when every time you weren’t pregnant, clayton was on a goddamn mission to fix it.

he saw the post over your shoulder, arms sliding around your waist as he nuzzled into your neck, his voice muffled against your skin.

“they act like i don’t want six.”

you snorted, shaking your head. “clay—”

“no, really.” his lips pressed to the curve of your shoulder, his hands splaying over your belly. “three down. three to go.”

your body shivered at the way he said it, warm, possessive, already thinking about the next one before this one was even halfway cooked.

the first time it happened, it wasn't on purpose.

you’re still in the honeymoon phase, tangled up in each other every chance you get, and you’re definitely not thinking about kids yet. but clayton’s rich, reckless, cocky as hell, and you’re just as bad, because neither of you even hesitate to ditch the condoms after a few weeks.

“you still on the pill?” he asks one night, his breath warm against your jaw.

you aren’t. you tell him that, expecting at least a moment of hesitation. instead, he just hums, shifting his hips, sinking in deeper.

“yeah?” he groans, gripping your thighs tighter, his thrusts suddenly sharper, more insistent. “guess we’ll see what happens then, huh?”

what happens is two pink lines a couple months later.

he’s thrilled. beyond thrilled. doesn’t even pretend to be shocked, just grins, kisses you breathless, and starts talking about baby names like it’s already set in stone.

and maybe it is, because that baby? just the first of many.

by the time the third comes around, the media starts catching on.

your second is barely a year old when the first “pregnancy rumors” start. clayton’s fans have been speculating, counting months, connecting dots. then you show up to one of his games in an oversized coat in the middle of spring, and that’s all it takes.

clayton keller’s wife rumored to be expecting baby #3—just 15 months after baby #2!

when you confirm it, the internet loses its mind.

his teammates chirp him about it constantly.

“jesus, kells,” one of them says in the locker room after practice. “you ever let her out of bed?”

clayton just shrugs, smug as ever, tugging his jersey off. “why would i?”

when the twins happen, he’s conflicted.

not because he’s not excited—god, he’s so fucking excited. two babies. at once. double the chubby cheeks, double the giggles, double the tiny little fingers wrapping around his.

but that’s also one less time he gets to knock you up.

“guess this means we only need one more, huh?” you tease, resting against his chest, his hands cradling your belly.

he frowns. actually frowns.

“nah,” he murmurs, pressing his lips to your temple. “still gonna need six.”

you laugh, expecting him to be joking, but he’s dead serious. his fingers trail lower, teasing along your hip, his voice dropping to that low, dangerous whisper.

“gonna have to make up for this one.”

six kids is a lot.

the house is chaos, toys scattered everywhere, your bed rarely empty because at least one of them always sneaks in at night. you barely have a second to yourself, constantly bouncing between bottles and tantrums and little voices calling “mommy!” every five seconds.

but then clayton gets home, sweeps in like he owns the place(because he does), scoops the kids up one by one and smothers them in kisses.

and when the house finally goes quiet, when you’re curled up in his lap on the couch, exhausted and already dozing off, he just smirks, presses a kiss to your temple, and murmurs,

“you want one more?”

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@scorebug GIVE THAT BABY SOME HUGGIES AND KISSES FOR ME PLEASE!!

his greed sickens me

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Okay Joey is losing to Nico Hischier in @hockeyblorbopolls * (which is actually Swiss on Swiss violence) and I do understand the charms of Nico Hischier but YOU YES YOU need to understand the charms of Joey Daccord because underneath his rockin bod he is also a goddamn delight.

*he's losing by a fair margin but I am drunk on power from Burky's poll success so we are gonna try some MORE PROPAGANDA BABY

Vote for Joey HERE ⬇️ https://www.tumblr.com/hockeyblorbopolls/786886557792600064/which-of-these-players-is-more-blorbo-nico

He is best friends with Kraken mascot and notorious critter Buoy who he hugs vigorously whenever he's given a chance to yeet the fish. They visit schools together

[ID: Photo of Joey Daccord and Kraken mascot Buoy, a blue-haired troll, on stools at the front of a classroom. End ID.]

Buoy has taught him how to use the t-shirt cannon

[ID: Joey and Buoy stand on the ice at the Kraken skills showcase. Joey is in shorts and his legs look fantastic. Buoy is demonstrating how to use a tshirt cannon. End ID.]

And they were honored guests and each other's dates for the most recent "Oops All Goalies" game.

He loves to play the puck -- which can make him a dangerous wildcard for other teams and sometimes gets him into trouble. It makes him incredibly fun to watch, and he brings that energy to celebration, when he mimics the handshake line from the net during games and rushes to his boys after. In one memorable instance of "zoomies" he overcommitted...

[ID: gif of Joey rushing a celly. He jumps to fling himself on his teammates and absolutely wipes out, falling out of the pile and onto his back. He is unhurt and it is incredibly funny. End ID.]

He's generally down for anything, whether it's putting on his gear for a pretty adorable Alaska Airlines commercial, modeling a Kraken oven mitt

[ID: Joey has received a Kraken branded oven mitt at practice, which he immediately replaces his goalie glove with. He waves to the camera with the mitt. End ID.]

Or photo shoots with fish

[ID: Joey makes a funny open-mouthed face at a stuffed salmon, which he holds in both hands facing him. End ID.]

And the Kraken has in turn given him a platform for his F1 with Joey Daccord series, which is just him talking at length with the mini mic about Formula 1 (bonus points huge Lewis Hamilton fan). He comes prepared with notes. I'm only not linking because it'll take you to my personal insta but there's a BUNCH and they're super cute.

[ID: Joey in a black Ferrari team jacket talking animatedly about F1. There is a notepad on the table in front of him full of bullet points in black marker. End ID.]

Other things you'll notice if you go to his insta is that he is a MAMA'S BOY he loves that woman and he is a graphic design king, that man is going crazy in Canva. After any major event for him you'll usually find an edit set to music after and I just imagine him late at night smiling away with fond memories as he chooses his fancy lil backgrounds

[ID: Joey in his Team USA gear from IIHF worlds. The photo is sepia tinted and made to look like it is a Polaroid part of a collage. End ID.]

A core Joey memory for me is when he shut out VGK at the Winter Classic and his backup tendy Chris Driedger held him like this

[ID: Driedger tenderly holds Daccord with both arms and talks into his ear while Daccord has his face buried in Driedger's shoulder. My Roman Empire. End ID.]

This is without even getting into his Firebirds days and everything he meant to that team in their historic Calder run. If you want to get a flavor, though, I'd recommend his interview as a special guest on team roasting show "Tenny's Talks."

And oh yeah. He has a rockin bod.

[ID: Joey in summer of 2025 climbing onto the back of a boat with a wakeboard under his arm. He is wearing a wetsuit pulled down around his waist, and his sculpted upper body is fully visible. The wetsuit is tight over his thighs and his quads bulge over his knees. End ID.]

Vote Joey, the Mayor of Coachella Valley!

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jarren speaking with the media in seattle regarding the rafael devers trade via MLB Film Room

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Joseph Woll (and guests) discuss the amazing save he made against the Senators. || Or: everyone endeared by him, as they should be.

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“he’s running around checking everyone” “split open his whole nose” baby luke was a menace is all im hearing 😭😭 also the braces??? hello???

via a new york post article from 2024 before luke’s playoff debut

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@hockeygirlyyyy literally any team to shut that damn whistler up.

what a win for the state of Mississippi

I feel like I’m missing out not living in the northeast 😩

bae come i’ll sponsor you 😼😼#sugarmommy

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@hockeygirlyyyy lmaooo to be fair, you should always cheer for the opposing team playing Vanderbilt when it comes to baseball

also STILL shocked that we won that.

I feel like I’m missing out not living in the northeast 😩

bae come i’ll sponsor you 😼😼#sugarmommy

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@hockeygirlyyyy anything to make my family mad when they cheer for lsu lmao

I feel like I’m missing out not living in the northeast 😩

bae come i’ll sponsor you 😼😼#sugarmommy

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@hockeygirlyyyy girl i love watching them get humbled. i cheer for ole miss with those two play against each other lmao

I feel like I’m missing out not living in the northeast 😩

bae come i’ll sponsor you 😼😼#sugarmommy

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@hockeygirlyyyy the only team that never gives me panic attacks is LSU and it makes me mad that they’re so good, but they deserve it.

I feel like I’m missing out not living in the northeast 😩

bae come i’ll sponsor you 😼😼#sugarmommy

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@hockeygirlyyyy a girl can hope but they pull some ‘state could only’ tricks that give me panic attacks so we’ll see

I feel like I’m missing out not living in the northeast 😩

bae come i’ll sponsor you 😼😼#sugarmommy

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@hockeygirlyyyy Yeah the only sport I care for at State still is baseball. Other than that idgaf. I know our football team SUCKS so I don’t even watch the games anymore.

I feel like I’m missing out not living in the northeast 😩

bae come i’ll sponsor you 😼😼#sugarmommy

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@hockeygirlyyyy LMAOOO I’m not as die hard as I was in college…but can definitely agree ole miss is better in some areas than State is

I feel like I’m missing out not living in the northeast 😩

bae come i’ll sponsor you 😼😼#sugarmommy

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@hockeygirlyyyy I’m actually laughing out loud I love this

I feel like I’m missing out not living in the northeast 😩

bae come i’ll sponsor you 😼😼#sugarmommy

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@hockeygirlyyyy oh ew that’s disgusting lmao 😂😂

I feel like I’m missing out not living in the northeast 😩

bae come i’ll sponsor you 😼😼#sugarmommy

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@hockeygirlyyyy Mississippi State!!

I feel like I’m missing out not living in the northeast 😩

bae come i’ll sponsor you 😼😼#sugarmommy