r3d0

[r3d0]

This is my first reblog in several years now because I got a message from that owl and waited until 12:03 last night to do my lesson so I had to purchase a new streak freeze thing.

I should check my phone more often.

you guys really just don’t check your fucking phones huh? you don’t give a fuck and a half about your notifications? you just carry it around with you everywhere but don’t actually go on it? maybe someone texted you. maybe you received an email. maybe you need to take your daily duolingo lesson. but no, you really just can’t be bothered. fuck you

[r3d0]

Women belong in the kitchen.

Men belong in the kitchen.

Everyone belongs in the kitchen.

There’s food in the kitchen.

[r3d0]

i luv kids they are so much funner to talk to than adults. i asked a toddler today whats up and he said “ten” with such conviction i really did believe it was an adequate response to my question for a second

[r3d0]

If done right, it works so well.

I know it’s ridiculous, but the “person carrying an absurd and improbable number of weapons must remove them all (to the bewilderment of those around them)” trope is still one of the best tropes of all time.

[r3d0]

“momma he set me up”

[r3d0]

what do you call a dictionary on drugs

[r3d0]

Blowing a dandelion is basically you helping a weed ejaculate.

[r3d0]

THE EIGHTH AND A HALF PRESIDENT, QUENTIN TREMBLY!

[r3d0]

I just bought a textbook with the money I got from giving plasma. I purchased this book with my blood.

[r3d0]

Being good to each other is so important, guys.

[r3d0]

Ha ha seriously tho.

[r3d0]

[r3d0]

DAVESPRITE: ask me anything go ahead ill give you a straight answer

DAVE: alright

DAVE: here goes

DAVE: why are we so fucking awesome

DAVESPRITE: thats the best fucking question anybody ever asked

[r3d0]

I don’t know where this is from, but that man takes his noodles seriously.

[r3d0]

Shirayuki &  Zen  ●  Akagami no Shirayuki-hime

[r3d0]

So tonight I joined my parents, and the neighbours, at the local pub quiz. We won, and won the bonus round, much to the annoyance of the other teams. Apparently my parents and their friends win every other week. Nerds. So to prank them the landlord had a special “Super Hard Pub Question” for us for double or nothing on our prize (vouchers for a gallon of beer) to let the rest of the pub feel better because we were “guaranteed to lose” since there was “no way we could know the answer.” I got picked to answer it because I’m the youngest and have less General Knowledge.

The question?

“What is the word for beer in Ancient Egyptian?”

Pub: *loud raucous laughter and cheering*

Landlord: *looks smug*

Me: Do you want that in English or in the original Hieroglyphs?

Landlord: The hieroglyphs of course!

Pub: *more laughter*

Me: *scribbles quickly in the 10 seconds I had to answer*

Landlord: Fuck. Me. 

Pub: *utter silence broken only by someone at the back exclaiming WTF* 

Landlord: How did you even know that?

Me: You picked the one person here who can read them?

Landlord: Oh shit it’s you isn’t it?

Dad yelling from the back: SURPRISEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

It’s safe to say we’re simultaneously fucking legends/not very popular at the local right now.