rabitlogs

[rabitlogs]

Broken promises, again and again. From people, even from myself...

2/17/2023

[rabitlogs]

Paralyzed and Trapped: When Life Feels Like a Cage

I wake up every day with a sense of dread. The same four walls, the same routine, the same lack of freedom. I feel paralyzed, stuck in place, unable to move forward with my life. This year has been a never-ending cycle of disappointment and frustration. I can't make any plans, I can't pursue any goals, I can't even imagine a future where I have the freedom to live my life on my own terms.

It's not that I don't want to be responsible or follow the rules. But there's a difference between being responsible and being micromanaged. I can't even decide what to do with my own time without being granted permission. And the worst part is, I don't know when or if I'll ever have that freedom again.

I see other people my age living their lives to the fullest. They're exploring new places, meeting new people, trying new things. And I'm stuck here, asking for permission just to leave the house. It's not fair. It's not right. And it makes me angry.

I'm tired of trying to adjust to a world that doesn't seem to care about my needs. I'm tired of feeling like I'm living someone else's life, not my own. And most of all, I'm tired of pretending to be okay when I'm not.

Some days, I don't even want to get out of bed. What's the point? I'm not living, I'm just existing. And that's not enough for me. I want to feel alive, I want to feel like I'm making progress, I want to feel like I'm in control of my own life.

But for now, I'm just paralyzed and trapped, waiting for a time when things might get better. If they ever do. ₍ᐢᐢ₎ 2/16/2023

[rabitlogs]

🌳 decorating the big tree 🌳 available as a print here !

[rabitlogs]

It’s crazy when you’ve always always been able to deal with things alone and then suddenly like. You no longer can

[rabitlogs]

you don’t talk too much. you aren’t too loud. you aren’t too needy. you aren’t too sensitive. you aren’t too this, or that. you aren’t too much anything. you will never be too much: you are you, and you are allowed to take up space. you are allowed to exist however you choose.

[rabitlogs]

OpenLog

So, it happened. After 10 or 13 so years, I came back in here to randomly write personal logs as an outlet. Not that I have no other means of outlet (?) but I couldn't really play games, under certain circumstances. (I enjoy this the most, my first "go-to" fyi). While working out is my second, no gym here either. Where I am now, doesn't really give me the whole freedom to enjoy a full "exercise" satisfaction. As working can be the third, should it really be though? Does being a workaholic seem like an outlet? So I'm back here, typing down no other more reason but the obvious. I don't know how or where this will end up and I don't really have the intention to blow anything up, but maybe, just maybe, to you, or to whom this reach to, this is just a page of life outlets I plan to put out. My choice not yours. But if you happen to read this, (continued reading this) well then your choice, not mine.

Although, for whatever reason my experiences might have resonate one or two for some, then such is life from mine to yours, Touka. ₍ᐢᐢ₎ 2/8/23