random-chibi13

[random-chibi13]

Doctor Fweckles

Atsumu let out a heavy sigh, “What do ya mean our pediatrician s’out sick?”

“I’m sorry sir, but even doctors need sick days,” the nurse explained as she continued to gather folders before standing up. “Follow me, you’ll be in room 3 on the right. We’ll have one of our other pediatricians come in to see you.”

Atsumu went to open his mouth when he felt a small tug on his left hand. He looked down and met two big brown eyes looking up at him. He let a soft smile cross his lips as he lifted the young girl into his arms, “Alright.”

They followed the nurse passed two doors and took the next right into a small examination room covered in light yellow wallpaper and small drawings done by children.

“Now, if you’ll both just wait here the doctor will be in shortly,” she stated as she placed one of the many folders she was carrying onto the counter. She turned around to face the little girl who was now sitting on the end of the hospital bed swinging her legs back and forth. “You’ve been so patient; would you like something to color while you wait?” She asked the child.

The little girl stopped swinging her legs and raised her eyes to meet the woman’s as auburn hair fell away from her tiny, round face. She nodded feverishly and clapped her hands twice. The nurse reached into the top folder and pulled out two coloring pages. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small box of crayons and placed them beside the girl on the hospital bed. “Here you go sweetheart and then once you’re done, we’ll hang them up in the office for everyone to see. How does that sound?” The girl’s face lit up with a smile showing off her one dimpled on the left side. She immediately whipped around to lay down and began to color. And with that the nurse swiftly left the room, quietly shutting the door behind her.

“Whatcha colorin’ there Ellie-belly?” Atsumu asked as he stood up from his chair and made his way across to his daughter who was so caught up in coloring that all she could muster out was, “Doggie.”

“Doggie huh? Yer like a regular lil’ Picaso sweetie. Just be careful with the edges, don’t cut yerself,” he said as he softly ran a hand down his daughter’s full head of auburn hair. She looked just like her mother but with his eyes and he was thankful for that, she managed to get all of her parents good traits which meant that majority of them came from her mother. Atsumu was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even hear the door open.

“And who do we have here? Hina Emelia?” came a slightly muffled deep voice.

“Yeah, but we just call her Ellie for short,” Atsumu responded turning around to face the door, his eyes growing wide. “Her mother –“ He cut off in shock. “Omi-kun?”

“No one’s called me that in . . .” and slowly the doctor’s eyes lifted from the chart he had just grabbed and met a very familiar pair of warm brown eyes. “Atsumu?”

“Oh wow, if I’d had known yer a doctor here we woulda switched pediatricians sooner!” Atsumu exclaimed with a chuckle as he brought his free hand up to the back of his head. “It’s been what? Six years since I last saw ya?”

Kiyooma looked exactly the same as the last time Atsumu had seen him at one of his volleyball matches. He still could see the waves to his raven black hair even though it was held in place by hair gel and even with his black crocs on he was still slightly taller than Atsumu. His two moles decorated his eyebrow above his right eye and he wore his trademark mask which at this point Atsumu couldn’t tell if that was still his choice or a mandate of the hospital. He has traded in his MSBY Black Jackals jacket for a white hospital coat complete with stethoscope and clip-on name tag. He wore a gold tie with a white button down and black slacks, he looked more like a businessman than a pediatrician which didn’t at all surprise Atsumu in the least.

“Just about,” Kiyoomi responded. And yet he still looks the same he thought as his dark brown eyes took in the man before him. He still maintained his physique, how could he not? He continued to play volleyball while Kiyoomi attended medical school, they tried to keep in touch but no matter how hard they tried they drifted apart. He had no idea Atsumu got married let alone had a child, a very cute one at that. And yet it felt like nothing had changed. Atsumu still had his bleached hair and shit-eating grin. His shoulders and chest were just as broad as when he was at his peak volleyball physique, and he could see definitive outlines of athlete’s biceps as his black long sleeve shirt clung to his body. He looks just as good as I remember and with that thought Kiyoomi shook his head.

“So what brings you in today?” he asked as he set down the file and turned back to face his old friend and his friend’s daughter (that he didn’t know he had until today).

“Just a check up. Ellie here has hemophilia, has it since she was born. Her mama had it so we think she’s just a carrier but better safe than sorry, ya know?” Atsumu informed and then quickly raised a hand. “Which I’m sure you already knew as you were lookin’ in her file and yer the doctor.”

“Well then we’ll just run some routine tests and quick physical and send you guys on your way,” Kiyoomia explained as he walked towards the little girl who was still busy coloring. “Excuse me, Ellie?” He tapped her gently on the shoulder. “I’m Doctor Sakusa, I’m a good friend of your father’s. Would you mind if I check your heartbeat? It’ll only take me a few minutes and then you can go right back to coloring, how does that sound?”

“Otay,” she said. She put her crayon back in the box and closed the lid before sitting up and swinging her legs around to hang off the side of the hospital bed to face Kiyoomi.

He bent down with his stethoscope in hand and held it up to her abdomen, “Now take a deep breath in and out for me.”

She opened her mouth and took in a very deep breath (very reminiscent of Kirby Atsumu thought). She exhaled bringing up her pointer finger to press on Kiyoomi’s forehead where one of his moles was. All three froze in that moment and Atsumu’s eyes grew wide. “You have a fweckle,” she said in the most innocent way.

“Actually, it’s called a mole,” he informed as he gently took the girl’s finger and placed it on the second mole. “I have two. See how they’re raised? That’s one of the differences between freckles and moles.”

“Still prickly I see,” Atsumu sighed. There was no way his three-year-old daughter was going to remember the difference between a mole and freckle.

She nodded at Kiyoomi with a soft smile and repeated, “Mole.” Then she looked at her father, “pwickly.”

“Yer just a lil’ chatter box today huh?” Atsumu laughed at his daughter, she really was the best of both of her parents.

Kiyoomi let a smile cross his lips under his mask watching the interaction between father and daughter. He removed the stethoscope from his ears and stood up turning to face Atsumu. “I’ll have the nurse order you some quick blood work and then you two can be on your way.”

The little girl held out her hand and looked up at Kiyoomi, “Fank you.”

Kiyoomi extended his hand and took the tiny hand in his giving it the softest shakes he’s ever given, “You’re very welcome, Ellie. It was a pleasure to meet you.” And with that, he released the child’s hand and turned to walk towards the door when he felt a much larger, stronger hand on his shoulder causing him to turn around to face his old teammate.

“Omi-Omi, wait!” Atsumu exclaimed. “What’re you doing fer dinner tonight? Or lunch? I mean, it’s only nine-thirty right now. Maybe we could grab something ta eat and catch up.”

“I’m not done here until at least five o’clock and with the one pediatrician out sick I doubt I’ll be able to grab lunch,” he explained and with every word he could see the light dim just a little bit in Atsumu’s eyes and for some reason that caused his heart to ache.

“Oh. Well, maybe another time or something?” Atsumu retracted his hand and began to use it to rub the back of his own neck as he averted eye contact.

“BUT . . .” Kiyoomi sighed. “I don’t have anything after work so I could probably meet for dinner.”

Immediately a giant grin painted itself on Atsumu’s face so wide that it would’ve hurt Kiyoomi if he were to smile that big. “Perfect! Um . . . would six o’clock work? Ellie has a playdate with her aunt tonight so I’m free any time after four today. I usually finish up work ‘round that time. If I remember right, there’s a really good place just ‘round the corner from here?”

“I know exactly where you’re talking about. I believe that I can swing that so I will meet you there at six, tonight,” Kiyoomi decided making direct eye contact with Atsumu.

Atsumu could feel the warmth and color rise to his cheeks as he shrugged and immediately broke eye contact to say, “Yeah, six. I’ll see you then!” And with that Kiyoomi turned around once again making his way out of the room. After a soft click of the door, Atsumu let out a loud sigh as he heaved forward resting one hand on his upper thigh and the other over his mouth, his eyes wide.

“Chichi, okay?” Ellie asked innocently from her perch atop the hospital bed.

Atsumu turned immediately to face her and wrapped his arms around her, enveloping her small body in his strong arms.

“Yea’ darlin’ chichi’s fine. He just hasn’t seen that friend in a long time and chichi really missed him,” Atsumu explained as he loosed his grip on the child. “But it’s fine, we’re gonna catch up tonight while you have fun at oba’s house huh?”

“Oba!” the little girl explained as she threw her hands up in the air. Atsumu took the opportunity to scoop the girl up into his arms and began to walk out of the room. “Oh no!” She exclaimed.

“What is it Ellie-belly?” he asked.

“My awtwok,” she mustered as she reached behind them towards the hospital bed.

“Hold on, I’ll grab it. Did ya sign it?” He asked as they turned around to retrieve the precious piece of artwork that his daughter had worked so hard on. She nodded against his shoulder as she rubbed her with her free hand. Atsumu grabbed the box of crayons and the priceless piece of artwork and left them both on the countertop closest to the door. “Next time we come, we’ll haveta look for it because the nice lady said they’d hang it up.”

 Atsumu looked down at his watch as he stood outside in the cold, he could see his breath hovering above his red, black and green cashmere scarf. 5:56 PM. Maybe he’s not comin’? He thought. I mean, he’s busy and we haven’t seen each other in so long, there’s no real reason for him to haveta to meet up with me. Maybe he got caught up with work? We never exchanged numbers. I wonder if he still has the same one?

“Don’t think too hard or you’ll hurt yourself,” came the same deep voice from earlier. It caused Atsumu to jump a little bit but was enough to shake him out of his thoughts. “I’m sorry, was I interrupting something?”

“Huh?” Atsumu shook his head and turned around to face the owner of the voice. “No, no! I was uh . . just thinking that we never gave each other our numbers that’s all!”

He took in the man standing before him. Kiyoomi was now wearing a black peacoat with a black and white checkered cashmere scarf wrapped not only around his neck but his lower face as well. Atsumu was beginning to forget what the rest of his face looked like at this point. He was still wearing his black dress pants and shoes which didn’t surprise him at all being that he probably did come directly from work.

“Oh, I never gave you my number back in the Jackals days?” Kiyoomi asked.

“Ya did. Did ya never change it?”

“No, it was just easier to keep the same number in case anyone ever needed to reach out for something. I may be a pediatrician, but I still have a medical background so if anyone got hurt they’d know who to call,” Kiyoomi explained. He reached for the door to the restaurant, and they proceeded to go inside.

“I have a reservation for two at 6, Miya,” Atsumu said as they arrived at the front desk. The woman behind the desk quickly scanned a monitor before grabbing two menus, a cocktail menu as well as a specialties menu before beckoning them to a small table towards the back of the restaurant. The restaurant was dimly lit with ambient light coming from candles on the table and the dim lamps along the walls. It was warm and rich with deep wood and black chairs and booths. Both men took their jackets off, hung them on the hooks of a coat rack along the wall and took their seats across from one another. The hostess handed each a menu and placed both the cocktail menu as well as the specialties menu in the center of the table just below the small oil lamp lit in the middle.

“So . . .ya still keep in touch with everyone?” Atsumu wondered aloud as he slid into his seat.

“Sort of? Obviously, I still talk to Itachiyama and occasionally Hinata will text me but I don’t really talk to anyone else,” came the response as Kiyoomi glanced over the cocktail list.

Atsumu used this time to glance across at Kiyoomi with his newly free and bare face. It was the first time Atsumu had seen him without a mask in a little over six years but his features were almost exactly the same. He watched as Kiyoomi silently read the cocktail list to himself, something that he had done since they were on the Jackals together. Atsumu always noticed that when Kiyoomi read things he silently read them to himself and not just skimmed the words with his eyes, in full honesty Atsumu found it adorable and even moreso that he continued to do it. He was lost in his thoughts when the cocktail list brought him back to reality as the corner hit his hand as Kiyoomi handed it across to him.

“Oh, yeah . . . I guess that makes sense. Bokuto calls durin’ the holidays, he loves to come over when he gets the chance and play with Ellie. They’re actually really cute together, he’s still like a big kid so they get along really well,” Atsumu chuckled.

The image of Bokuto, muscles topped with his salt and peppered spikes carrying the small child from earlier popped into Kiyoomi’s head and he felt a small smile cross his lips at the thought. Bokuto would be great with kids, he always had that inner child that he wasn’t afraid to show even if it did result in some temper tantrums on the court in the old days. Looking back, Atsumu would be great with kids too but Kiyoomi could never picture him actually being a father.

The waiter came a took their drink orders: Kiyoomi with Negroni and Atsumu with a beer, both also ordering a water to maintain hydration. While they waited the two caught up on what life had been like in between volleyball and achieving careers and fatherhood.

“So, ya ever get married?” Atsumu asked with a raised eyebrow as he took a swig from his pint glass that appeared before them.

“Married?” Kiyoomi choked on his small sip of his cocktail, the gin hitting the back of his throat. “No, no. I mean, I thought about it but never actually proposed.” He was being honest. It wasn’t that he hadn’t met the one it was just that at the time he was too chicken shit to make a move. Kiyoomi Sakusa hated two things: germs and emotional commitment. He could commit very well to a career or a team sport such as volleyball, but emotional commitment gave him the same spine-chilling feeling that hearing a cough close behind would.  

“What about you? I noticed that you weren’t wearing a ring,” immediately Kiyoomi could feel his cheeks turn red, did he just admit out loud that he was looking for a wedding band earlier today? “I mean, I assume you have a beautiful wife since you have such a sweet daughter.”

“I was. Her name was Ai, and she was honestly amazin’. Ellie definitely takes after her way more than me,” Atsumu explained. Kiyoomi could see Atsumu’s brown eyes light up as he spoke of his wife and it tugged at the corners of his heart. He could read the love that he had for the mysterious woman on his face but could also sense the fondness and sadness in his voice as he continued. “She used to report for some of the volleyball games, that’s how we met. I asked her out and Osamu made fun of me ‘cause she turned me down like four times. But fifth time’s the charm, I guess. Anyway, she passed away when Ellie was born due to complications from her hemophilia. I wore the weddin’ ring for a year after she passed but now, I keep it in a special box at home.”

Without hesitation or a second though, Kiyoomi reached across the table and placed his hand on top of Atsumu’s. The cold softness from the back of Atsumu’s hand meeting the warmth and muscle of Kiyoomi’s palm. Both froze and softened at the same time as their eyes met and held each other’s gaze.

“’Atsumu, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up,” Kiyoomi apologized.

“No, it’s fine, Omi-Omi. I miss ‘er, but I also get to see ‘er every day when I look at Ellie,” Atsumu smiled sweetly as he gave Kiyoomi’s thumb a soft squeeze in between his thumb and pointer finger.

AHEM. The waiter’s intrusion brought them both back to the moment and snapped both of their hands away from each other capturing the menus on the table. They ordered their meals and relinquished the ownership of the menus back to the restaurant. Both seemed to avoid eye contact with the other while they awkwardly made small talk and reminisced about the Black Jackals or volleyball in general. Atsumu explained Osamu’s onigiri restaurant and that it was still doing quite well being known for both the delicious food and Osamu’s ‘gun show’ when making them. Kiyoomi explained the ups and downs of Medical School losing Atsumu’s attention with large words and medical terms which caused them both to laugh. Once their food arrived, they immediately jumped in to eating - Atsumu could tell how busy the clinic must’ve been because Kiyoomi most definitely did not have time for a lunch break today. What Kiyoomi wouldn’t tell Atsumu is that he purposefully skipped his lunch break so that he would be able to leave on time to meet him for their dinner date. Kiyoomi throughout the course of dinner explained that this restaurant was one of the few to serve umeboshi (Japanese pickled plums) with some of their meals that they made in house which elevated them in comparison to regular umeboshi. Atsumu agreed to try one and immediately upon swallowing the sour and salty delicacy agreed that Kiyoomi could have all his umeboshi from now on.

It wasn’t until the dessert menu arrived at their table and their plates had been removed that Atsumu made direct eye contact with Kiyoomi once more.

“I . . I really miss ya Omi-Kun,” he sighed. “Thanks for meetin’ with me tonight. It was kinda like the old days when we used to hang out and stuff. I loved spendin’ time with ya. I wish we could do this more often.”

“I can honestly say, without hesitation, that out of all the people I could’ve guessed would have walked into my office today, you would’ve been the last one I would have expected,” Kiyoomi replied. He immediately realized that his response was not the one Astumu was looking for because his face dropped into a pout immediately. He needed to fix this and fast. “However, it completely made my day when I looked up from that chart and saw your face.” What was am I saying?! Okay, maybe he did have two Negronis with dinner, but Kiyoomi was known to hold his alcohol a lot better than most, definitely better than Atsumu who had finished three beers and had a tinge of rose to his cheeks.

“Really?” Atsumu smiled, the corners of his eyes bunching into tiny crows’ feet finally starting to show his age.

“Yeah. What do you say we skip dessert huh? I’m sure I’ve already taken up enough Ellie’s time, I’m sure she’s missing her father,” Kiyoomi said as he closed the dessert menu and placed it in the center of the table.

“Actually, she’s spending the night at her aunt’s house,” Atsumu explained rubbing the back of his neck with the heel of his hand. “Izumi is Ai’s sister so she reminds Ellie a lot of her mama. I try to let ‘em spend as much time together as I can. But we can skip dessert, I’m already very full.”

After a small debate, Kiyoomi paid for dinner with Atsumu promising that the next dinner they share is one him. They gathered up their coats and both tossed on their scarves with Kiyoomi wrapping his loosely around his neck this time leaving his full face visible. They made their way through the labyrinth of tables to the front of the restaurant before pushing the door open to brave the bitter cold weather. They shuffled off to the corner closest to the parking garage where Atsumu left his car and along the sidewalk back to the clinic where Kiyoomi had parked earlier during the day. Both shoved their hands deep in their pockets from warmth as they turned to face each other standing underneath the ambient warmth from the lamp post.

“Thanks again for meetin’ up with me and catchin’ up Omi-Omi,” Atsumu smiled, his chin tucked into the lip of his scarf.

“Thanks for the invitation. Maybe we can figure out another time where we can catch up again?” Kiyoomi asked.

“Really? I mean. . . look, yer a busy guy so don’t go offerin’ just on account of me. I completely understand,” Atsumu explained as he looked off to the side. I’m sure you got better things to do than hang out me.

“I’m being serious. I work at a clinic generally nine to five and yes, some days get busier than others but if given enough advanced notice, I can plan accordingly,” at this point Kiyoomi had removed his hand from his pocket and was pointing his pointer finger directly into Atsumu’s chest. “YOU’RE the one that’s a full-time dad raising a daughter with perfect manners and working a full-time job.”

Everything came flooding back at once, all the volleyball practices, the inside jokes and innuendos shared between the two. Atsumu began to replay all the moments that he had wanted to tell Omi-Omi something but found himself biting his lip from saying anything. He thought back to the travel games when they’d lay their blankets next to each other and Astumu would talk to Kiyoomi late into the night until Kiyoomi would yell at him to shut up. He remembered the one time he had poked Kiyoomi’s top mole and just exclaimed ‘mole’ making direct eye contact while fearing almost certain death only to have Kiyoomi roll his eyes.

“I just . . .it’s like I said, I miss ya Omi-Omi. And I know things have changed, everyone’s grown apart and our schedules are crazy, but I miss this. I miss talkin’ to ya and laughin’ with ya,” He began to feel slight tears form in the corners of his eyes as he worked to push the memories aside.

“I wasn’t laughing with you,” Kiyoomi stated.

“Okay, well I was laughin’. Ya know what I mean? And I know that yer probably seein’ someone, heck, I got a daughter! A great one at that! She’s smart and sweet and she always says please or thank ya. She’s a lil’ lady and I’d love for ya to get to know her and for her to get to know ya if yer okay with that,” Atsumu continued to talk gasping for air as the dry cold air dried out his mouth.

“Atsumu, calm down, okay? I already said yes, you don’t need to go on, it’s fine. And I’m not seeing anyone,” Kiyoomi answered. It was if Atsumu didn’t even hear him because he continued to ramble on.

“Ya haven’t changed at all, yer a lot smarter ‘cause of Medical School but yer the same old Omi-kun, keeping yer face covered and not touchin’ nothin’,” he drawled on.

But that was the funny thing, his face wasn’t covered, and he had touched something, he had touched Atsumu’s hand without a second thought during dinner.

“Atsumu . . .” Kiyoomi was cut off.

“Like I said, I get it if ya don’t wanna hang out or even see me again but seein’ ya after so long brought back so many memories and things I wish I woulda told ya. I just . . .” Atsumu was cut off.

He was cut off by a pair of cold but soft lips pressed against his stopping both his words and his heart for a second. He felt a strong, commanding hand on the back of his neck that pulled him closer until he felt the warmth of another body envelope him. After a few seconds that felt like minutes, they parted and Atsumu felt the cold air sting his lips once again. He immediately wanted the warmth back and without a second thought he ran his hand deep within Kiyoomi’s dark locks pulling them closer and sending their lips crashing together again. Both broke at the same time gasping at the bitter cold air. Kiyoomi opened his eyes for meet Atsumu’s and smiled, “That’s all it takes to shut you up.”

“I mean I could go on but . . .” Atsumu smirked as he tossed his arm around Kiyoomi’s shoulders as they began to walk towards their cars. “I knew there was a reason ya didn’t wrap yer scarf around yer face.”

This was written for Nox - I hope it lived up to your expectations! 

[random-chibi13]

Real is rare

Real is so very rare these days where we’re bogged down by technology, tenuous work weeks and half-assed communication. The internet connects us with more people than ever before and yet we aren’t actually connected at all. What we lack in meaningful, strong relationships we make up for with Facebook friends and Tinder hook-ups. What ever happened to honesty, late night conversations and good morning texts? Instead, we’re too busy checking our social medias to see who liked what and what new Instagram influencer is hottest right now. We would rather pull our phones out over GrubHub ordered meals rather than pile into a car, pick a good radio station, embarrassingly dance until you arrive at your destination and just live in the moment with the people that you’re with. We live in a world where we feel we have all the information we need and could want at our finger tips and yet we don’t even really know or trust the people closest to us. What are they doing on their phone? Who are they talking to when you’re not around? It could honestly be anybody. They could honesty be sending or receiving anything. And that’s the true power of technology. Trust was hard to begin with but now it’s almost impossible because the lives that people lead online are sometimes very different than the lives they actually lead in the real world. Why does something have to be Facebook official? Is it because we need to validate our relationships? Or is it to mark our territory out there on the interweb because we want to make sure that not just the people we know in real life but the people online known that they’re taken? We live life through a camera lens at concerts and on vacations instead of enjoying the moment and the company that you’re with. The memories we make last forever in stories and inside jokes, the memories you make on your phone can always be backed up onto the Cloud, but can easily be lost with a SIM card. We would rather give up a relationship and turn to Tinder, Grindr or Singles.com then to actually try to figure out the problem and fix it. What happened to respect? People now say whatever they want to in a front that isn’t them because they don’t have to look a person in the eye and actually be themselves. Is this really the world we want to live in? Are these really the relationships we want to find ourselves in? Or do we really want more?

[random-chibi13]

Realizations as 30 closes in

I wouldn't say that I'm having a breakdown or even a midlife crisis, but I have had to deal with certain realizations in the days leading up to my 30th birthday. When I was rounding 20 I had an idea of what my life would be like by 25 . .. by 30. I was with someone who was great, we talked about marriage and kids and basically planned everything out:

- Married by 25

- Kids by 27

- All the while attending pens games, going out and staying true to our weekly date of Rock of Love and Chipotle.

Needless to say, that didn't happen. We broke up, went our separate ways and I won't lie that when 27 hit it was a little rough, but I was happy to still be free to travel the US kid-free.

When I turned 28 I thought that I had en even clearer vision of where I would be at 30. I wasn't in a job that I wanted as a career but I had high hopes that I would strike it as a writer or actor, sell a New York Times best-selling novel while making it famous with a break out role in a blockbuster hit. Obviously I was day dreaming, but a girl can dream big can't she? I had recently lost a job that I thought for sure was the "one" but in all seriousness, I was in a stable love-filled relationship talking about marriage (I'm seeing a theme here), living together and enjoying our nights together whether it was making homemade dinner or going out to a speakeasy. We were enjoying ourselves and each other and I thought that would at least make it through 30 with a possible white wedding on the horizon. Alas, he had different plans yet negated to involve me in any of the decision process so I was completely taken off guard especially since we were mere months away from our week long vacation to Disney for my 29th birthday (and my very first full marathon). I was broken. Here I was thinking I was finally getting somewhere in life, in career and in love and in one foul swoop, one destructive year I lost everything. I was broken for months, but as with anything one must push themselves and never give up.

By the time I turned 29 I was standing in the middle of Universal Studios having just been chosen by the wand in a wand choosing ceremony at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter when I realized that I didn't really care about where I was supposed to be in life. I was enjoying myself, genuinely getting lost in the moment and for once at peace with most of the decisions I had made. It lasted about . . .a day before I realized that it was back to the real world. Back to moving again (at this point I had moved pretty much every year or so since I was 19). Back to living the single, lonely life surrounded by people who had hit the marrying age and the age of popping out babies. Back to figuring out my life.

I'm just a few days out from 30 (2 days exactly) with no foreseeable marriage or family life ahead barely scraping by in a new job while working 1-2 other jobs and here's what I've realized:

1) Every day is what you make it and you most certainly need to make some time for yourself. Whether it's reading, creating something, running or doing yoga (all of which have been my attempts to better myself a little every day and to push myself) do something by yourself for yourself. Be comfortable finding peace with yourself even if it's just for a half an hour every day. You deserve that.

2) Making your bed and breaking bad habits don't get easier or better with age. I still struggle to make my bed every day which is something that I'm pretty sure I was better at when I was in elementary school. But it's worth it to come home to a room that not only has you written all over it, but also looks put together. I challenged myself this year to try to make my bed every day this year with hopes that it will turn into a daily habit so never stop setting daily, monthly and yearly (attainable, healthy) goals for yourself.

3) It sucks being alone while everyone else is happy and in love around you. It gets lonely. You don't see your friends as much and honestly you don't really want to be surrounded all the time by happily married couples. And that's okay. It's better to be a little lonely then in an abusive relationship (If you are in one, get out - you deserve so much better and are worth so much more than that whether you want to believe it or not) or in a one-sided relationship.

4) Either times were different or your parents made this whole adult thing look a lot easier than it actually is. Growing up my parents owned a local business open 9a-5p Monday thru Saturday, raised two children, were part of a bowling league and were members of a country club. Here I am working 2-3 jobs at a time, raising a healthy 14-year-old Australian Shepard, sharing a house with a roommate and attempting to pay off my student loans so that I may one day have enough money to afford living on my own. How did they do it?

5) Disney World and Disneyland are just magical when your 9 or when you're 29. In fact, I think I was bigger kid when I was there at 29 than when I was a kid. You also realize that you have a the freedom to enjoy yourself, ride as many rides as you want and to hug Mickey (believe me, nothing feels better than a good old hug from Mr. Mouse). I enjoyed it and the marathon so much that the Walt Disney Full Marathon falls on my 32nd birthday in 2020 and I want to go back to challenge myself to a challenge (ie: Dopey Challenge)

6) 30 may seem challenging but prepare yourself by setting up chosen challenges for yourself. I challenged myself to run my first full marathon in Disney World for my birthday. It takes you out of your comfort zone and shows you just how strong you can be. It was both the best and worst time of my and I wouldn't change it for the world. Do something that you wouldn't normally do, take a class you wouldn't normally take. It makes you stronger.

So bring it on 30, I'm ready for you with wine in one hand and a tissue in the other.

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You can fly, you can fly, you can fly!

I’m  little less than one week out from running my first full marathon in the most magical place on Earth - Walt Disney World and I’m a rainbow ball of nerves! I’ve run two half marathons, dozens of 5ks, a handful of 10ks, one 15k, two Tough Mudders and one Spartan race but this will be my first full 26.2 mile marathon. After registering I felt elated, I felt like this is something that I could prepare for, train for and one race day destroy that marathon! What I didn’t plan for was one of the worst training periods of my life full of good intentions, tears and depression. I missed an entire month of training due to one of the worst moments of my life that I never saw coming. One of my biggest support systems deserted me without any warning right when I needed it most. Instead of finding myself on the treadmill I found myself sleeping days away unable to push myself to eat let alone train. It took me a good two months to get back to where I was before and to realize that I couldn’t let myself down. I’ve never really backed down from a challenge and I wasn’t about to yet!

I’m no where close to where I would like to be, but I will show up on race day Sunday dressed like the Chesire Cat ready to take on the morning. I will keep a weathered eye on the horizon and I will just keep swimming. My brother and my best friend Alex are coming with me and I couldn’t have asked for a better cheering crowd . I’m especially excited that my brother is going because one of the things that keeps me pushing myself is that I want to show him that if you put your mind to something that you can accomplish it no matter what life throws at you. He and I both went through an extremely rough time growing up and a rocky experience through college but if you never give up yourself you can achieve great things. It took me a little longer than expected but I put myself through college and graduated even when I thought the odds were against me. This trip is as much for me (and my birthday Jan. 12) but for him as well. He deserves a vacation for all the hard work that he does and he deserves to be shown that you can never give up on yourself even when others have given up on you. I may end up walking or hobbling the final miles of the marathon, but c’mon! I’m in Disney, and Disney is where dreams come true! Granted one person won’t be coming with us leaving my party of 4 a party of 3 and it won’t be the same, but it’s my birthday damn it! And I will sweat pixie dust, eat ice cream and dance down Main Street USA like I’ve never been hurt because I’m stronger than I give myself credit for. We all deep down!So even when you’ve been knocked down, when you think you’ve fallen behind, keep trying because in the end it’s all for you and your dreams. It’s the belief that you can can do it and the example that you set for others that they too can achieve great things.

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What is a resolution?

Why do we put such emphasis on creating a New Year’s Resolution? Why do we put so much stress on the new born year before it even has a second to breathe its first breath of frost-bitten air? Yes, the previous year has been full of ups and downs, trials and tribulations, the creation and loss of close friendships and the blossom and whittle of love. Is that any reason to brush it under the carpet of years gone by? Why not learn from the previous year, take the lessons that it gave us, the opportunities that we may have let slip through our greedy, self-righteous fingers and learn from them. We are not placed here to be given things without earning, we are to learn things based on the experiences that we have and to become better versions of ourselves.

The whole idea of a resolution is to become a better person, to live a better life and to be the people we think we want to be based on what the world around us tells us. The real meaning behind a resolution should be to become a better version of ourselves, to take what we’ve already started with and to grow. The resolutions are meant to be stepping stones on a path to create the ultimate version of who we are as a person and not who we are as a collective. We have a tendency to lump everything together – in politics there are Republicans and Democrats, but each person has their own reasoning for siding with their particular side and for the most part no two are really the same. Everyone is their own special little snowflake in this flurry of life and we are to not judge ourselves against others. From an early age we are taught to accept everyone regardless of race, gender, age, religion , etc. so why do continue to pit ourselves against others. The only people we should be comparing ourselves to is ourselves from past years. Are we better off than we were last year? Are we healthier, stronger or healthier? If you’ve answered no to any of those then figure out the steps that you need to take to become that ultimate super Saiyan version of yourself. Use that to create your resolutions, not what social media sites tell you should be doing. Think for yourself. If you’re doing it right then most of resolutions will change from year to year (unless your goal is to maintain what you’ve already been doing) because you’re learning. Never stop learning. Strive for a better life. Don’t just wait for someone to tell you what they think you should do, not only figure it out for yourself but do something about it. Charge this New Year with force and vigor. Go in with high hopes and open arms because this year has so much to offer and has done nothing to us yet (but if you take another pop icon so help me God . . .). Don’t give up on this New Year and don’t give up on yourself. Be your special little snowflake and embrace it. Figure out what is best for you and go for it, the only one who can really stop you is you. So hadouken that negativity right in its throat and climb to the top of the agrocrag because the world is going to keep throwing all that it has at you. Look around at your team mates, your family and friends because they’re the ones who are cheering you on and wishing you a Happy New Year. Ring it in with them, toast to the New Year and may the odds be ever in your favor.

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The phenomena of coupling

It takes a lot to make a relationship work. We’ve all been told by our grandparents that a relationship meant supporting one another, compromising and working together. It’s pretty much like having a second job but instead of getting paid you feel loved, appreciated and you get nightly cuddles. It seems that nowadays people no longer want to put in the work and effort that go into relationships. They want the benefits of a relationship and while they like the idea of being in relationship with someone they ‘love’ the minute trouble arises they’re all too quick to jump ship.

Before I go any further I would like to admit that I’m fresh out of a long term relationship, one that lasted nearly 3 years with someone who I still love and who I lived with for a little over a year. We had one rough patch that I was certain we could work through but little did I know that instead of working through it, apparently our relationship wasn’t even worth trying to save. It’s not a great feeling to be the only one in the relationship working to try and save a sinking ship while the other person has the full knowledge that the damage to the hull is far too great. The ship has taken on too much water and instead of telling you that they either watch you drown or don’t bother to tell you that you should just swim away as they row away leaving you to fend for yourself.

I see it more now these days than ever before - it’s easier to drop a relationship (no matter how long you’ve been together) the moment trouble arises instead of putting in the effort to save it. No one wants to talk anymore. We live in an age of technology with almost every answer at our finger tips yet we can’t take the ten minutes it takes to tell someone what’s really going on with us. We would rather take to Facebook by posting a meme about our feelings than actually sitting down with someone we ‘love’ and working through the problem. You might not find the answers, but at least you both can say that you tried. It leaves a person with a sense of confusion, a search for an answer that no search engine can find for us. Are relationships really even a thing anymore or are we simply masquerading around with this idea of love and relationships only to run off the minute the clock strikes midnight?

We’re more connected to people than ever before. We can meet people who we would never have had the chance to meet thanks to sites like Facebook, LinkedIn and Tinder. Therefore it’s easy to believe that once something causes you trouble that you can just write it off as a loss because you know that you can simply find someone else to fill that spot. Wash, rinse, repeat. Is that really where we want to be? Are we truly happy with that? Do we really want to forgo an actual deep,meaningful connection with someone for a couple months, maybe a few years of companionship or a monthly cardboard cutout fillin? I feel like I’m a dying breed. That real relationships aren’t out there anymore and if they are then maybe I’m not good enough for one. I’m good enough for someone to keep as a companion for a while, lead me with temptations and promises of love only to drop me like a hot potato at the first sign of a problem.

I hope that this little trip inside my mind will find someone who is dealing with the same problem and will let them know that they are not alone, that others are treading water too. I also hope that this may find someone who doesn’t speak their mind until it’s too late and then leave someone who loves them wholeheartedly and believes that they’re the whole world. Please - tell them what’s bothering you before it’s too late. You loved them once (hell you may still love them while attempting to convince yourself that you don’t so it makes it easier for you in the long run), let them know that it wasn’t all just a lie and that they at some point meant the world to you too. You never know, it could save your relationship or at least give them closure. Just remember, a captain goes down with his ship hopefully they go down with no regrets.

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Listen to the Muse-ic

Whether you’re a performer, an aspiring artist or even a confused college student, we are always looking for inspiration. I found mine in a Youtube star and dubstep violist - Lindsey Stirling. Now before this post starts to sound like a selling point I’m going to take a moment to say that I promise you it is not. It’s a post about inspiration and strength. 

I found Lindsey Stirling while perusing Youtube one day looking for a good dubstep fusion piece that I could write a belly dance routine to for an upcoming show. I watched this violist weave in and out of an ice castle playing gorgeous melodies with a hard dubstep beat and instantly knew I wanted to dance to this song. My troupe (which has since gone its separate ways) went on to perform a piece I wrote inspired by Crystallize numerous times. In fact, here’s a video of one of those performances!

I would go on to watch almost every single one of Lindsey Stirling’s videos that she would release because here was a beautiful woman who loved what she was doing and who wanted to share it with anyone willing to press play. She was nerdy, unbelievably talented and seemed to take each day and opportunity as a gift.

Now to go off subject - I have a best friend who I believe everyone should have a best friend like. She knew how much I enjoyed forcibly playing Lindsey Stirling for her (luckily for me she actually enjoyed Stirling as well) and she found out that Lindsey Sterling was coming to my city near my birthday. She created a card full of pictures of the dancing violinist along with the words “VIP tickets” and “for your birthday”. I could only conclude that I had died and gone to heaven.

Back to the real inspiration at hand - On the day of the concert my friend and I arrived early for the meet & greet only to stand in a long line of misfits (ourselves included). All walks of life just standing outside Stage AE: from fathers and daughters to aspiring violinists (one of which was playing music while waiting in line) to big burly men and nerdy girls. That says a lot about an artist. If an artist can touch that many genres and people then they must be on to something. It spoke to me because I don’t like just one thing and I don’t think anyone should pigeon hole themselves into being stuck with just one thing. I love dance, I love performance, playing sports, music of almost any genre, movies of both comedy and horror and if it’s nerdy I’ve probably seen it or played it. Here was an artist that could cross over dubstep, violin music, geeky things and things of beauty with such grace and poise. Needless to say when it came time to “meet and greet” Lindsey I completely blanked and simply said “Hi, thank you so much,” and then everything after was a blur. My mind was screaming “Please let me be a back-up dancer for you!” and “You give me hope that if you love something enough and you never give up, work on it every day that it is possible to obtain your dreams”, but all that came out was “Thank you”. Ugh. But I did get a picture with Lindsey out of it which either helps or hinders the fact that a decent amount of people tell me we’re twins (I don’t see it) but I take it as a huge compliment. You know what? Here’s the picture just for fun. Bear in mind that Phelba (Stirling) jumped in at the last minute.

The concert was phenomenal. Stirling took the time out to play a small private concert for the VIPs as well as answer questions from us before leaving to actually get ready for the show. She makes me want to become a better performer, a better dancer and yet she seems like someone you could definitely hang out with for a day or the length of a tour.

When Stirling released her book The Only Pirate At The Party, I bought it immediately because I could relate to being the only pirate at most parties (I like to dress up . . .mainly like a pirate to some events). As I read her book a lot of it resonated with me. I struggled with a lot of her struggles and even though we’ve met once during a VIP meet and greet where she meet an obscene amount of people, I felt like I had someone who understood what I had gone through. Not everything of course because we didn’t live the same life, but enough similar situations to know that I’m not alone. 

It’s funny because it’s been almost 4 years since I found Crystallize and danced to it. I’m actually working on another routine for Stirling’s song ‘Roundtable Rival’ for an upcoming show as I type this. It’s inspiring to see someone doing what they love even if some people doubted them. I sometimes get down about my dreams because I feel like I’m destined to do so much more than what I’m doing. I want to meet people, share stories and travel to new places. Stirling challenged things, she never gave up when the going got tough and that to me is what dreaming big is. That’s what inspires me and if I can do at least one good thing a day then I’ve been successful. Her music makes my day a little better, her music inspires me to become a better dancer and to try new things. Her story shows me that even when you feel alone, you’re never really alone. She makes me want to become a better “human bean”. Never give up, never surrender.

And Lindsey, if you ever read this I still want to be a backup dancer for you! It would be an honor and a dream come true! (Hey, I’m a dreamer what can I say?) Remember to shoot for the moon, even if you miss you’ll land among the stars.

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Follow the Yellow Book Road

Another establishment to hitch a ride on the After-Hours train was the Carnegie Library in Oakland. They hosted, according to their Facebook, their most popular after hours event on March 20 (which also happened to be the first night of spring) from 7 P.M. - 10 P.M. The price of each ticket gave the ticket holder three drinks and unlimited appetizers. All of the denizens of the land of Oz were on-hand  for photo opportunities as well we fun games for attendees to participate in. There was even a Yellow Book Road photo booth complete with fun comic book-style props containing some of the most famous lines from the Wizard of Oz. 

Upon arriving we were greeted at the door by two munchin-attired greeters and welcomed to the Yellow Book Road. We were then met with two tables upon which we given our tickets which also happened to be our drink tickets (three ruby slipper squares on the tickets) as well as a list of where everything was taking place. We hung up our coats on the convenient coat racks that led to silent auction and the raffle. It was clear we were not in Kansas . . .I mean the Library anymore. Baskets from Wigle Whiskey, the Carnegie LIbrary, Yoga Flow and the University of Pittsburgh Athletics were among some of the baskets. A booth from WYEP and WESA shared the same room as Full Pint Brewing (which offered two very tasty beers) just at the end of the hallway. 

The Quiet Reading Room became much less quiet with music from local bands My Cardboard SpaceShip Adventure and Nameless in August, there were a few Toto covers to be had by all. Visitors could also nosh on some delicious snacks provided by Sweet Peaches and try some Red Star Kombucha. Now I didn’t know what Kombucha was but the lovely lady working the table informed me that it is a fermented tea so, being a tea freak, I had to try it. I had the green tea Kombucha while Mike tried the Hibiscus Kombucha, we swapped drinks and loved it!

As we winded around the wonderful land of Oz we happened upon The Pub Chip Shop and a wine bar next to the closed Crazy Mocha (which was fine because there was some coffee just further down the Yellow Brick Road provided by Crazy Mocha). The mini biscuits and mac & cheese from the Chip Shop was delicious! Mike and I both agreed that we now need to visit them at their shop on East Carson Street next to Piper’s Pub. 

With any good adventure there are always obstacles and challenges to overcome and anyone who has seen the Wizard of Oz knows that the land of Oz is full of them. The Library was no different. Every attendee had to seek out Dorothy, Glinda, Scarecrow, Tin Man, the Cowardly Lion and the Wicked Witch herself, and in doing so would get a check mark on a ticket that the attendee could then place in a drawing to win a very special price from the Wizard himself (upon completion). Each character had a different challenge or question, some about the library and some about the Wizard of Oz. It was a fun addition to the night.

Although there were no munchkins under 21 at this event there was a candy buffet fit for the citizens of Munchkinland. We filled our little yellow candy bags with grape gummy bears, swedish fish, peach rings, gummy sharks and lollipops in honor of the Lollipop Guild! Across from the candy buffet sat another sweet treat, Apis Meadery. I had heard about the opening of a meadery in Carnegie but had yet to actually make it down so I was very excited to try two out of their three meade offerings - Pomegranate Rose and Mellifera Raspberry Blackberry. Mike got the Hopped-Pineapple which was pretty interesting. 

We turned a corner and were shocked to find 3-Dimensional Flying Monkeys! The Library was demonstrating its very own 3-D printer by printing the terrorizing flying monkeys. Across from the printer was Voodoo Brewing so we grabbed a cold glass of beer from them and continued our adventure.

Wigle Whiskey created cocktails for the evening but were too popular for their own good because by the time we found them (They were on the second floor) they were completely out of whiskey! No three clicks of my heels could make any more whiskey appear. Mike did play “Pin the Heart on the Tin Man” provided by Yelp set up next to Wigle’s table though. Inside the International Poetry Room was a screening of the Wizard of Oz for anyone who wanted to pull up a seat and enjoy with a cocktail (if they were lucky and fast enough to get them). 

We did make it in time to meet up outside the International Poetry Room and hop on a tour of the William R. Oliver Special Collections Room where we were all shown some of the rare Wizard of Oz items (mainly books) as well as some of the other special collections the Library contains. The room is available and open to the public by appointment only we were quite lucky to sneak a peak. 

10 o’clock rolled around and the good Wizard sent us all on our way and there truly is no place like home, but the Library that night did come pretty close. 

Next stop? After Hours at the Children’s Museum April 2!

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Party In Paradise

It seems that everyone is getting into the habit of offering up 21 and over nights at least every couple of months or so. I was lucky enough to attend a Christmas themed 21+ night at the Carnegie Science Center and sneaky enough to see the set-up for the Jurassic Park themed 21+ night at the Carnegie Museum of History. I was most curious to see who would be next to jump onto the 21+ train. Lucky for me I didn’t have to wait too long.

I had been receiving e-mails, or air-mail as they call them, from The National Aviary ever since I became dual member with my friend Alex at the beginning of the year. *As a side note - If you visit the Aviary at least twice a year it is worth getting a membership or a dual membership with a friend or family member. One particular air-mail was entitled February 27 - Party in Paradise. Tickets were $20 each or $25 at the door with all of the proceeds going to the National Aviary's education, avian medicine, and conservation programs both locally and internationally.. So I asked my boyfriend if this was something he would be interested in because it gave me another excuse to go stare aimlessly at the penguins and hopefully catch a glimpse of the two newest additions to the Penguin Point. Much to my happiness he agreed so I bought the tickets, the link was right in the air-mail, but tickets could also have been purchased on the Aviary’s Website. 

The event was from 6 P.M. - 10 P.M.

Parking was free. Luckily almost everyone had the same idea that I did which was to dress up for the occasion even though it was maybe 20 degrees and snowing outside. Once upon entering the Aviary, it felt like paradise. There was a free coat check to aid in creating a feeling of entering paradise. All of the exhibits were open which gave all the visitors a whole new way of seeing the Aviary - at night. During the day the Aviary is full of excited children screaming and tapping on the glass but at night there were no children and very little screaming. Lighting was low and the birds, for the most part, were very quiet. 

There was a free photo postcard that all visitors could get that had a rainbow Lorikeet included in the picture with you and a plethora of hats, gigantic sunglasses for you to choose from. Another free activity that guests could do was to create sand art necklaces that they could then wear around the rest of the night. There was also a cash 50/50 raffle going on the tnire night as well with the winner being chosen at 9 P.M. still leaving enough time to enjoy the event. Five dollar vouchers could be purchased at any of the entrance desks which could then be used to upgrade to VIP (you got to sit at a table next to the dance floor, Aviary employees would bring out special meet-and-greet birds (we got to meet a gorgeous macaw), every seat got a Victory brewing pint glass and sticker to take home and snacks at each of the tables. The vouchers could also be used at the bar which featured Victory beer and themed cocktails (such as a Sunrise, Sunset and Deep Sea Diver) as well as a fully stocked bar. Vouchers could also be used to purchase Penguin Paintings and Bird Encounters as well as leas. We used our vouchers to upgrade to VIP status, a couple drinks and little experience called the Flaming Mingle.

In a side room across from Penguin Point, right next to the bar is where I’m assuming is an education room, but during the Party in Paradise it was where visitors could pay the $5 voucher to mingle with two very entertaining flamingos. The two were lucky enough to meet were a Piggy and Marilyn and for an hour they just let the flamingos run amok in the room. We were not to reach out and touch them but they had no problem coming up to use, preening our ‘feathers’ or shirts or trying to snag a drink of someone’s beer. It was a wonderful experience and I had never been so close or preened by a flamingo before. 

Piggy got pretty up-close and personal. Either that or he wanted some of Mike’s beer.

In the other room across from Penguin Point were students from the Bidwell Training Center creating gorgeous pieces of edible fruit artwork with demonstrations throughout the night. Pineapple palm trees, watermelon fruit baskets and radish cups were among of some of the things the talented students were creating.

We also got to meet Disco Dan, one of the two penguin babies that had hatched last year. There were some photos to be had and I may have geeked out about being so close to a baby penguin and how fluffy (or the lack of fluff) he was. 

Disco Dan and I. I could hardly contain my excitement.

DJ Scottro of 96.1 KISS FM was spinning some great music the whole night and it took people a while to ‘warm-up’ to dancing but eventually the dance floor was full of people (of all ages) busting a move to hits of today. 

Party host Scott Harbaugh of WPXI Severe Weather Team 11 announced the winner of the 50/50 raffle and assisted in the judging and announcing of the evenings limbo contest. Lets be honest, what Party in Paradise isn’t complete without a limbo competition? I did take part in the competition and the competition was fierce. There was only one wine casualty during the second round of limboing and only one impressive fall. I actually ran into an old friend of mine during the limbo contest and was lucky enough to meet her very handsome and lucky fiance. I finished in second place having been bested by a man who probably shouldn’t bend like that, but was impressed nonetheless. My friend told me that “we would run into each other during a limbo competition” to which I could just laugh because that sums us up. I honestly was surprised early in the night that I didn’t recognize anyone I knew at such a wonderful event. 

All in all, it was a wonderful night. The aviary ad those who took part in creating the event as well as those who worked the event did a fantastic job. We got to see things we would otherwise not have been able to see (such as the Flying Foxes awake and active because they’re nocturnal creatures) and weren’t overrun by children. I was able to reconnect with an old friend who I may or may not have been able to see. 

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Ramblings of a New Year's Eve

New Year’s Eve means many different things for many people. It means bittersweet endings, fruitful beginnings and reminiscing of time gone by. It is saying goodbye to one year of tears, laughter, arguments, heartache, friends, family, gains and losses. It is welcoming an unknown future with open arms, standing with open minds, open hearts and dreams of grandeur. The Eve is when friends, family and loved ones congregate together to sing, dance, drink, laugh and simply spend time with one another. Fireworks burst high up in the sky; the nocturnal sky fills with color illuminating each and every face that lay their eyes upon it. Lovers kiss with high hopes of ending the old year with the perfect memory and welcoming the infant year with lips locked in love that will hopefully continue throughout the year. It is a time when traditions range from bashing white bread against the wall in order to banish evil and negative energy from the house to eating pork for good luck and prosperity. It is when families create lifelong traditions of dancing at the twelfth chime of the mantle clock and banging on pots and pans outside of their house. It is the one night children stay up passed their bedtimes and the parents condone it. It is when bubbles fill fluted glasses and the distinct clink of glass on glass fill the room. This is the time when names such as Guy Lombardo (and The Royal Canadiens) and Dick Clark make appearances in regular conversations more so than the names of friends. It is a time in which stories and memories are more prevalent than any pointless gossip. It is when families huddle together around a television set and millions gather in the streets of bustling New York City to watch a sparkling ball of light descend 70 feet. It is when the only sound you hear when you open your front door is the cry of a countdown swirling through the crisp and bitter night air. The countdown is then met with the sound of every man, woman and child singing ‘Auld Lang Syne’ in near perfect harmony and timing. It is a time to reflect, a time to make resolutions for the upcoming year and a time to hold those dear to you close. Friends connect, families reminisce and lovers kiss. So what will you remember? How will you celebrate? What traditions will you create? Think about it because this year’s New Year’s Eve only comes once so make it count. Pull that person close and lay a big one on them. Call your parents, your siblings, you grandparents, aunts and uncles and tell them that you love them. Write a list of what you wish to accomplish because you never know, you just might surprise yourself. That’s the funny thing about New Year’s, you will never be the same again and you have so much to look forward to and so many new experiences to have.

  Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?

Should old times be forgotten? No! Remember them, learn from them, connect over them. Why else do you gather your closest friends and family together on this of all nights?

  The flames of love extinguished and fully past and gone; Is thy sweet heart now grown so cold, that loving breast of thine that thou canst never once reflect on Old long syne.- James Watson (1711)

  For auld lang syne, my dear, for auld lang syne. We’ll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne.

And surely you’ll buy your pint cup and surely I’ll buy mine. And we’ll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne.

We two have run the slopes and picked the daisies fine, but we’ve wandered many a weary foot since auld lang syne.

We two have paddled in the stream from morning sun till dine, but seas between  us broad have roared since auld lang syne.

And there’s a hand my trusty friend and give me a hand o’ thine and we’ll take a right good-will draught, for auld lang syne.

  So grab those pots and pants, raise a glass for a toast, kiss the one next to you and sing at the top of your lungs (in key or not) because you’re surrounded by those you love and by those who love you. 

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Eleven Hints For Life

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel. 2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go. 3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had. 4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. 5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it takes a lifetime to forget someone. 6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. 7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do. 8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too. 9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may heal and bless. 10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. 11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

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A flicker

Caught somewhere between heaven and hell

I try to make the right decision yet I seem to fail

No matter how had I try

No matter how long it takes

It always seems to end the same way

Maybe it's because I'm a dreamer

Maybe it's because I believe

It could be that I hold some hope

It could be I'm just naive

There's still a faint glimmer of what could be on the horizon

A flicker of a dying star

What's done is done

It cannot be changed

The voices in my head don't forget

The voices in my head don't forgive

For once I would love to forget

For once I would give anything just to live

With a flicker of the star, a whisp of hope on the wind

I gaze to the horizon with open eyes

But soon the flicke dies and with it my hope

Nothing ever changes,

Always the same in the end.

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My Nightmare Before Christmas Tree.

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OK Go.

I've told that writers and journalists alike should write every day to hone their skills as good writers and journalists. I can honestly say that I haven't written every day and I used to. Maybe that's where all this inner turmoil is coming from or maybe it's from years of locking everything up deep inside and burying it beneath beliefs that one day it will all just go away.

Reality is knocking. These feelings aren't going away. I feel more alone now than I have ever felt and I feel as though almost all the choices and decisions that I've been making are all wrong. How am I to know what the future holds? The world could end on 12/21/12 and I think that I would be alright with that. I would go without being at peace with myself, but I would be happy to know that I'm done letting people down and hurting them.

So here is my attempt at writing every day and I apologize in advance to Tumblr, this will get the brunt of my brain vomit and emotional tears. From boys to family to school, here it goes. OK Go.

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Color Me sore and tired (and RAD)

Finally ran my first 5k on Saturday August 25 - Color Me Rad. It's a run-at-your-own-pace, color bomb-filled looping 5k held at the Washington County Fairgrounds. Color stations are set up randomly throughout the course of the 5k where runners are pelted with blue, pink, green, purple and yellow colored cornstarch. You arrive feeling a little white and black about things but leave with a tye-dyed sense of reality and a rose-tinted world.

My roommate Kristen and I were set to run our wave at 9:10a, our co-worker John inquired about running with us and we accepted his proposal, but we were all going to meet there. My good friend Morgan was set to run in the 9a wave, but we all figured we would all run into each other in some way or another literally or figuratively. As roomies, we left our place in Carnegie at 7a, grabbed some good ol' H2O at the nearby GetGo along with a chewy bar or two for the road and headed out on our way to the infamous Washington County Fairgrounds. Exit 53 - Houston/Eighty-Four, traffic was already building since Bridgeville so we got off on the exit I knew so well from dating JT since that's where his mom (and now he) lives. Not more than 10 minutes through Houston along the back way to Washingston we hit traffic one more time, enough so that I was able to get out of the car, run to a trash can at a run-down Exxon of sorts, throw our chewy wrappers away and get back in the car before Kristen passed me. After sitting in traffic until 8:47a, we followed our gut and followed a car full of fellow Color Me Rad-ers that took a turn. Soon we found ourselves on some back road following my silly GPS on my smartphone that favors recalculating than actually finding its final destination. A couple back roads later we roll up on the Washington County Fairgrounds and see runners leaving cars, running for the entrance. We were not that dedicated.

Once we finally arrived, parked in the far of reaches of the grassy open fields that flaggers led us to it was already 9:05a, not too shabby in my book considering the traffic. Sadly, both Morgan and John were lost to the confines of the treacherous traffic that seemed to have consumed most of the runners. But we made a run for the bathrooms (that water sure caught up to us on the ride there) and booked it for the starting line . . .once we found it.

Upon entering the starting line we were all corralled into a large group where a man with megaphone was yelling both instructions and tossing out 'color bombs', plastic bags will with various colored cornstarch. With color bombs in hand, runners began pelting each other and the sky with them immediately filling the air with a dense, powder-tasting atmosphere. Apparently such blasphemy warranted the news because not more than 5 minutes into the introduction of the cornstarch one of the local station's trucks rolled up erecting the camera from the roof and filming everything.

Then we were off, 2 minutes into the 5k and we were pelted with pink cornstarch then . . .insert very high grade hill here followed by a couple lesser grade hills. Was not expecting hills. But I was impressed with myself, I had been preparing by running both on the treadmill as well as Montour Run Trails, but only stopped once through the course of the run and it was because my head was pounding so hard. I had woken up running a fever and feeling like crap, I guess my body had caught on that I had big plans between moving in, doing this 5k and classes starting August 27 and had decided to launch a petition against it all. But I ran most it and ended up losing Kristen within 10 minutes of starting, I did run into her on my way down the hill as she was heading up the last hill. The trail looped around once you made it to the top of this very long hill where a water stop had been placed so you passed all the runners who were still making it up the hill.

The color stops were awesome! Volunteers took handfuls of colored cornstarch and pelted you with it, dusted you with it and simply tossed it into the air allowing it to fall where it may. A really surprising change was that they had water pump stops along the way as well, with water pumps full of colored water (the only two colored pump stops were yellow and green) but they had you spin around completely tye-dying you.

Rounding the last bend into the finish line was exhilarating, it was a crowd of blue dust and on-lookers cheering you on as you ran underneath an inflated checkered FINISH sign. We were also all handed our own color bombs so that we could, once again, pelt each other with colored dust.

Redbull had set up a tent handing out free regular and Sugar-free cans to participants and the organization had set up 'Before' and 'After' photo tents so runners could have professional pictures taken. I was extremely glad for this because I wasn't about to chance taking my phone along that course only to have it tye-dyed along with me. I was able to run into my friend Zach who had run that day as well because I spotted a very tall, thing man multicolored in a tutu but wasn't able to chat for every long.

Next step was making it to Kristen's car, taking off our shirts (c'mon you pervs, we had sports bras on) and changing into the pairs of sweatpants we had brought. Kristen was the smart one who wore sports shorts underneath her shorts, I was not as intelligent and had to drop drawers on site. I checked to make sure the coast was clear and it was, but just my luck, the minute the pants come off, a car rounds the turn which was random since we were the very LAST car in the lot away from any exit. Oh well, I'm kind of used to mooning people and it's just like wearing a bathing suit anyway.

Traffic was once again our nemesis on our way out but it did give us the opportunity to catch our manager at his catering venue and wave to him in all our tye-dyed, cornstarch-covered glory.

Two showers later, I still had remenants of color left mostly on my chest, wrists and ankles, but was somewhat prepared for work since I closed that night. If another race like this comes around, sign me up. Best first 5k experience I could've asked for.

For more fun-filled and interesting runs/races, check these out http://runitfast.com/2011/07/04/15-of-the-most-unusual-races-in-the-world/

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Find 'Celebrity Fashion' under one roof at new boutique

By Allie Wynands and Lizzie Hays (First, and so far only ,ever collaboration piece)

Strolling by with her boyfriend, Jacqueline Fausnight needed to stop in after spotting the trendy, tan safari-style jacket by RD in the window.

The jacket on the mannequin was the last one left. It was her size.

Fausnight, an admitted impulse-shopper, loved it, and promised to come back soon.

At Reflect, the idea is that under one roof, shoppers can find a multitude of eye-catching, brand name fashion pieces that celebrities have been spotted wearing in places like L.A. and New York.

Kristy Picard, 24, and Jenn Lementowski, 26, are co-owners of Reflect, the boutique that they opened almost a year and a half ago in Settler’s Ridge in Robinson Township.

At Reflect, the owners said they consciously choose brand names that aren’t in Pittsburgh yet in hopes of making their shop exclusive.

“Whenever we want to go shopping, we don’t think about shopping in Pittsburgh,” said Lementowski. “We think about taking a trip and going to New York or somewhere in the West Coast.”

It isn’t unusual for local shoppers to find the same “fashion-forward” styles among the shelves at Reflect.

For Picard and Lementowski, it’s important that they carry modern styles worn by celebrities, as well as everyday wear.

“We try to cater to a wider demographic of people this way,” said Picard. “It’s a one-stop shop.”

The result is men’s and women’s apparel ranging from $15 to $100, in addition to an eclectic selection of prom and cocktail dresses averaging $150. The boutique also features an array of jewelry and accessories ranging from $15 to $40, including handmade pieces by Pittsburgh-based designer Samantha Lang, who creates unique accessories from semi-precious, natural stones.

Among the labels for men in the shop are clothing lines such as Will I Am’s line ‘I am,’ Civil Society, Dorsia, G Shock, Lacoste and J.C Rags, a label made popular by actor Bradley Cooper.

The shop’s women’s apparel brands include Betsy Johnson; Whitney Eve, whose designs have been featured on The City; Boulee, a label made popular by reality TV starlet Audrina Patridge; Tony Bowls; Glam; Factory by Erik Hart; and Anoname Jeans, often found on celebrities from Rihanna to Jessica Alba and Jessica Biel.

A pair of Anoname jeans run $65 while a pair of J.C Rags jeans are priced at $117. Lacoste polos run about $80, a cream lace tank top will cost $48, or an Insight one-piece bathing suit for $63.

As for prom dresses, the average high school student will pay $398 for a Betsy Johnson dress or $305 for a Tony Bowls gown.

Picard and Lementowski said they make two buying trips a year in order to keep pace with what is going on in the fashion world, one in January to New York and one in August to Las Vegas. They also only offer four pieces of each item in order to give the customer that “one-of-a-kind” article of clothing.

The shop owners said they enjoy the trip west the most because the fashions for men and women are combined, compared to New York, which generally separates the genders during trade shows.

In addition to trade shows, Picard and Lementowski said they also get the chance to meet designers.

During a recent trip, they met Whitney Port, the designer for Whitney Eve, and Luciana Scarabello, from the newest NBC reality show, “Fashion Stars.”

But out of all the designers they’ve met, the one that sticks out the most is Betsy Johnson.

“Her clothes are really crazy and fun, so when meeting her we got see how her personality is reflected in them,” said Lementowski with a laugh.

As a young retail store, Reflect has had a lot of achievements in the last year.

“We were nominated for Women of the Year by the Leukemia Foundation so that was really honoring for us to help them raise money for a good cause,” said Lementowski.

Fashion shows and getting their name out by being published in magazines such as WHIRL, Pittsburgh Fashion Magazine, Pittsburgh Magazine and Maniac Magazine are also among their accomplishments.

“I think just opening the story was a really big achievement for us,” said Picard. “Being young and being a women it’s really hard, especially in the economy today, to be able to open a retail store. So being here and having the amount of success that we’ve had so far has been a really big achievement for both of us. So we hope to continue it.”

In the mean time, they are giving others interested in high fashion retail a chance to learn as well by offering internships.

“The atmosphere, the way the store is set up sets it apart,” said Brittany Panza, 22, a student at Clarion University who is working at the boutique as in intern. “Most boutiques are smaller and crammed, this one is more open.”

“I’m always going home and saying I want this or that,” she added. “I show all of my friends all of the fashion that we offer.”

Reflect, located at 1920 Settlers Ridge Center Drive, Pittsburgh, is open Monday – Saturday 11 a.m. – 7 p.m.; Sunday 12 – 5 p.m.

Find Reflect online at www.reflectapparel.com, or visit their Tumblr account if you want to stay up on fashion, at http://reflectfashion.tumblr.com.

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A Taste of Dahntahn

By Lizzie Hays Point Park News Service

Only in the ‘burgh could one find a pasta featuring Heinz tomato sauce.

Or a sandwich featuring Isaly’s chipped chopped ham.

And a restaurant named Taste of Dahntahn has to have the quintessential Pittsburgh pierogies. The new restaurant, featuring the best of the Steel City’s cuisine, is located in the Dallmeyer Building on Liberty Avenue, offering locals and tourists a unique taste of what the owners call “Pittsburgh Fusion.”

“Pittsburgh is a multi-culture melting pot and so is our menu,” said Executive Chef Lee Corbett, a Beaver County resident who was dressed from head to toe in a black chef’s uniform. “I didn’t want this to be bound by one group or style of food. A lot of Pittsburgh food is comfort food.”

The idea for a Pittsburgh Fusion restaurant was born when Corbett was approached by Courtney Lynch-Crawford, who also owns Nine on Nine, about opening a strictly Pittsburgh restaurant.

Corbett, a Baltimore native, said he became fluent in Pittsburghese because he wanted the menu to be both fun and reflect the flavors of the city – from the little mom and pop ethnic restaurants to Pittsburgh institutions such as Primanti’s and pierogies. The menu is well-representative of influences that have molded the city’s landscape throughout history, ranging from Asian, American, Southern, Italian and French styles of food.

Simply taking a look inside the sleek solid red menu or the white block letter ‘TASTE’ menu can give any restaurant-goer a look at Pittsburgh life with offerings such as “Bee’s Knees Sirloin” complete with “dahntahn’s 58 mayo” ($9), “Heinz’s Tomato Sauce with linguine” ($6 on the kid’s menu), “Isaly’s Chipped Chopped Ham BBQ” ($7) and “Pierogies” from Pierogies Plus based out of McKees Rocks.

“We like to get everything local, local purveyors for fish, local purveyors for produce hence it’s called ‘A Taste of Dahntahn,’” said Corbett, adding 90 percent of the menu items are made from scratch. There’s a little of something for everyone. From the “Fried Green Tuhmaytuh BLT” ($7) and “London Broil Forced Meat” ($17) which they playfully call “meatloaf to the next level” to the “Tofu Stir-fry” ($14) and “Pan-Seared Ahi Tuna” ($22), the menu spans burgers, pizzas, salads and desserts. Prices range from $4 to $32.

The culinary offerings will go through seasonal changes, but if a menu item goes missing a customer can call Corbett to make a special request – although it might take a day or two before it’s available. Pittsburgh Fusion is carried over beyond the food items. Visitors can expect to see plenty ot “yinzer-isms” such as “Da Hot Wings” or “Da Louisa” as well as “Tuhmaytuhs,” “Dahntahn” and plenty of “Attaboys.” Even the bar screams “Pittsburgh” from its currently changing cocktail menu with Steel City-themed drinks to all the local beers that are offered on tap from Full Pint, Iron City, East End Brewery and the regional favorite, Yuengling.

“What makes the restaurant unique is the variety, the language of the menu, the great choice of music and décor,” said Hillary Stahl, 23, a stand-in bartender. “And we’re the only one that has breakfast, lunch and dinner.”

While the neon marquee sign outside draws customers in, it’s what greets you upon entering that really sets the mood for the food. From the colorful hand-painted mural of flappers with drinks in hand on the wall to the right of the bright red U-shaped bar to the giant blown up picture of the Pittsburgh skyline from Mount Washington and the small private, soon to be chef’s table overlooking the restaurant from a balcony that creates this ambience of Pittsburgh circa the rat pack days – with a modern twist. Black and white photos of the old Dallmeyer Building decorate empty wall space and old pictures of Liberty Avenue make for wonderful conversation starters as well as reminders of Pittsburgh back in the day.

“We are here for a taste of downtown; we are here for the customer. A great dining experience has a lot more to do than just food alone, it includes the ambience. When the customer leaves all of the senses should be please,” said Corbett. “I want that ‘Wow’ factor. I want to wow the customer.”

Break out box: Taste of Dahntahn is owned by Bob Crawford and his wife, Courtney Lynch-Crawford, and offers themed menus for such holidays as St. Patrick’s Day, Cinco de Mayo and Mardi Gras in addition to the regular menu.

Hours: Monday-Thursday 11 a.m. – 10 p.m., Friday 11 a.m. – 11 p.m., Saturday 8 a.m. – 11 p.m., and Sunday 8 a.m. – 9 p.m. For reservations, call 412-224-2240 or book online through Urbanspoon.com. For more information and a sample of the menu or upcoming events, visit the website at http://www.tasteofdahntahn.com.