ranierc

[ranierc]

Such a blessed night! Learned a LOT from the breakout sessions, met some great people, made new friends, worshiped my heart out, and made it to Bethel's IG(TWICE). 😂😂 • • • • • • #blessed #vsco #vscocam #vs #ig #igdaily #instapic #igers #instadaily #instagood #likeforlike #instago #like4like (at Orpheum Theatre Boston)

[ranierc]

One day. One day I’ll finally meet that person who knows how to live outwardly instead of inwardly.

If you ever want to get married in the future, I hope you marry someone who loves to bear righteous fruit and who is so in love with Jesus that it opens your eyes to His love in ways you never thought possible.

[ranierc]

I’m so emotionally exhausted.

[ranierc]

Welp, I don’t know what I was expecting cause I legit got people applying to change my single-ness...hahahah

[ranierc]

Taking applications for single women who need a man to love em. I gotchuuu hahahah

[ranierc]

Sad to see Alexis go, but meet Faye the Forester! • PC📸: @ahmarafael • • • • #blessed #forester #subie #subieflow #subielife #subielove #boston #zakim #vsco #vscocam #vs #ig #igdaily #instapic #igers #instadaily #instagood #likeforlike #instago #like4like (at Leonard P. Zakim Bunker Hill Memorial Bridge)

[ranierc]

In reality, I was looking up what my next meal should be when this was taken. PC📸: @ahmarafael • • • #blessed #vsco #vscocam #vs #ig #igdaily #instapic #igers #instadaily #instagood #likeforlike #instago #like4like

[ranierc]

I don't know how to pose... PC 📸: @ahmarafael • • • #blessed #vsco #vscocam #vs #ig #igdaily #instapic #igers #instadaily #instagood #likeforlike #instago #like4like (at Boston Common)

[ranierc]

Definitely the most memorable unplanned hiking/picnic I've had. Ya'll are some awesome people! #blessed #vsco #vscocam #vs #ig #igdaily #instapic #igers #instadaily #instagood #likeforlike #instago #like4like (at Round Valley Lake)

[ranierc]

"One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." -Proverbs 18:24 #blessed #vsco #vscocam #vs #ig #igdaily #instapic #igers #instadaily #instagood #likeforlike #instago #like4like (at Long Branch, New Jersey)

[ranierc]

I blame no one but myself. I am sorry that I turned out to be so far from the perfect you saw. I can’t believe I turned into someone as pathetic as this. I just wanted to feel something better than this.

[ranierc]

Have you ever wanted to cry but no tears came out, so you just stare blankly into space while feeling your heart break into pieces.

(via leohearts)

me rn.

[ranierc]

sacrifice.

I’m so fortunate in my life to have so many people that I love so much. 

I have made, and continue to make sacrifices all the time. I put off things that I want to do, I put off so many adventures. 

And I put it off, because the best adventure is being together. 

Then the people you love and have sacrificed for, leave.

[ranierc]

haven’t been here in a while.

There is so much pain, hurt, suffering, and despair within me. People keep telling me that it always gets easier with every day that passes by. I’m here to tell you today, that after 6 months, it has gotten harder every single day. It hasn’t been much easier to get out of bed. I have no motive to act, move, or the confidence to look someone in the eye to tell them I’m remotely “okay”.

It’s like someone pressed a reset button in me, and the only thing keeping me going every day is my daily routine that has put me on autopilot. If I even remotely started thinking for a second, I will, without a doubt, shut down completely.

Not a day has passed by where I haven’t thought about it. You can try to tell me what to do, or even give me advice about how to treat my situation. “Give it all up to God, move forward, be a better you, etc.” But the truth of the matter is, when God teaches you to love someone, more than you love yourself, and that is exactly what you do. Only to be rejected, pushed away, and denied. It is the most heart wrenching thing, I believe, can occur to a human being. 

I can sit here and describe the things that went wrong, my regrets, my past repeating itself. But at the end of the day, I’m in pain. 

I am at this weird stage where I have completely run out of tears to cry, and my body hates that fact. I completely loathe the day where I fall in love again, only to be so fearful of the fact that I’ll be broken into pieces again. Or even the fact that I will be so scarred, that the last person I will ever love, won’t even receive the love that they deserve.

To end this rant, love doesn’t hurt. Rejection, denial, the lies, the loneliness, the promise of a future that will never be, is the true hurt. 

Who knew that finding that someone who can love you unconditionally was so difficult. To be able to look past your faults, mistakes, and short-comings. If only I can truly find that someone who embodies Jesus’ true definition of loving without fault.

[ranierc]

I deserve someone who will actually love me, because I’ve spent my entire life making other people happy when all they did was leave.

[ranierc]

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." -Galatians 6:9 I know you got me God. I have full trust in you. I have no plans here in Boston, but that's what makes it Your plan and not mine. This new season marks for a new understanding of my future in serving You and Your kingdom. (at Boston Common)

[ranierc]

As cliche as it is, I couldn't have possibly been here without His will and guidance. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5‭-‬6 #blessed #boston #nyskylinestillwins #vsco #vscophile #vs #vscocam #instalike #instagood #instadaily #igers #photooftheday #likeforlike #life #like4like (at Boston Harbor walk)