rasimonoceros

[rasimonoceros]

i hate that you’re happy, i hope that you can’t sleep

jung jaehyun as kemas x park chaeyoung as kenanga

to run away in jakarta means to encounter every place kenanga used to visit with kemas. jakarta is relatively a small city to its own natives, and kenanga has nowhere to run in jakarta.

to greet each other like nothing’s wrong means to fake the ache inside her heart. and that, if truth be told, isn’t an easy task at all. kenanga has to take a break from all her social media activities, meanwhile kemas’ pages are full with his warm smiles and heartbreakingly beautiful laughs. that hurts kenanga so bad that she knows kemas very well to know that he had moved on with his life and be happy.

it’s unfair because kenanga feels like she’s the only one who suffers from the break up. she had thought that they were match made in the heaven, that they were belong to each other... but little did she knows, no match were made in the heaven. it ruins kenanga very, very much, that kemas had given up on them while she was trying her best to fix the fragile string which tied them all these times.

to encounter an old friend and got dragged into a party in jakarta like tonight isn’t any help either. because there, she sees the dazzling figure she used to smile at, standing on his best surrounded by people and laughter. she wants to punch him, she wants to make a scene, she wants to kill him, yet she wants to hug him so bad. she wants to cry on his arms, kenanga cannot choose which one she wants the most.

kemas can perfectly feels kenanga’s gaze from afar, he saw her from the corner of his eyes when she stepped into the room. it was none other than the kenanga he broken up a month ago.

it still breaks kemas’ heart to see the girl.

every where in jakarta always reminds him of her, nowhere to run without thinking of her in jakarta. so he decided to force himself to be fine, to be seen happy in order for kenanga to hate him. in order for kenanga to finally move on with life. being the bad guy isn’t really bad anyway.

a tap on the shoulder wakes kenanga up from her mind, it’s hera, the old friend who dragged her into the party. “i saw kemas on the corner, you okay?”

kenanga can see the worry on hera’s face, but she smiles the pain away. “i’ve never been this okay. excuse me, i think i need to go to the restroom.”

kenanga paves her way within the crowd, needing some air. she walks so fast that she almost stumble on her foot. the guy on the corner sees that. he sees the hurry and worry in her that she has to walk so fast without caring about the crowd, so he follows her outside.

kemas and kenanga aren’t really the type who fancy crowded place. but if that means they can run their mind away while their body are still in jakarta, it isn’t so bad at all. crowds can take their mind away.

when she finally finds a bench, kenanga sits and tries to breathe. she also notices that kemas has been following her outside. “what do you want, kemas? i’m sorry you have to see me here, i promise i didn’t stalk you.”

the guy sits while keeping his distance, losing his gaze on the night sky. an agonizingly beautiful night sky. “i know,” are the only words that manage to come out of his mouth.

“i must be looking like a fool tonight, don’t i?” kenanga lets out a short bitter laugh. “must be nice not feeling anything, eh?”

kemas sighs, “i said i’m sorry, kenanga. you know we were bound to be over, anyway. you perfectly know we couldn’t do anything about us anymore, you saw it coming too.”

when kenanga doesn’t answer him, he moves closer. “how are you?”

this time kenanga lets out a sad, loud laugh, “i’m good, thank you for asking. really.” she turns her head to kemas’ side, “how’s life? isn’t it good for you? oh, no, don’t even bother to answer. i saw it, i knew it. you’ve done more than well.”

“kenanga--”

“congratulations for doing well, congratulations for being happy,” she smiles ironically. “i hate it you know, i hate that you’re okay, i hate that you can sleep at night while i can’t.”

“i’m sorry for being completely well and okay, i’m sorry for being happy without you,” kemas unconsciously speaks louder than he usually is out of frustration. “don’t i deserve to be well, kenanga? do you think breaking up with you was easy for me?”

kenanga holds her tears, trying so hard not to cry. “no, you don’t. it kills me to see you doing so well, i want you to be sad, to be hurt. i want you to have it so bad that i feel bad for you. i hope you cannot sleep at night as much as i do.”

without giving a chance for kemas to talk, she stands up and leaves him speechless. kenanga walks away without even wanting to look back, she feels sick to her stomach. seeing kemas doing well kills her, she cannot stand it any longer.

walking away may be the best choice, but it seems like her heart has been shattered into tiny pieces all over again, for the hundredth times. for the first time since a month ago, she finally able to see how jakarta looks at night again. the crowds, the loud noises, the traffics--all of them look so sad in her eyes.

again, jakarta’s witnessing two hearts being broken.

one for speaking her heart out, the other one for faking the act of doing fine. the two are glad because jakarta is crowded, so they feel less lonely.

while being together may hurt them both, being apart dreadfully kills them. so tonight, jakarta pities them and lets down a light, dreadful drizzle to wash away the hurt.

[rasimonoceros]

jangan pergi lagi, ya?

malam itu Chia gelisah, susah sekali untuk memejamkan mata rasanya. besok Chandra kembali ke Jakarta setelah hampir satu setengah tahun lamanya cowok itu dipindah tugaskan ke Semarang.

malam itu Chia gelisah, sudah hampir satu setengah tahun lamanya mereka hanya bertatap muka lewat video call. Chia takut Chandra akan lupa bagaimana bentuk asli cewek itu di dunia nyata. Chia takut, takuuut sekali kalau-kalau ternyata perasaan Chandra sudah hilang terhadapnya. apalagi, beberapa minggu terakhir sebelum kepulangannya, Chandra sibuk sekali mengurus ini itu di kantor dan juga sedikit demi sedikit mengirim barang-barangnya dari Semarang ke Jakarta.

tapi kalau tidak dipaksakan tidur, besok pasti wajah Chia akan terlihat sembab dan lesu! akhirnya cewek itu memeriksa kunci kamar apartment-nya sekali lagi sebelum akhirnya benar-benar memaksakan diri untuk tidur.

"oke, kalau aku nggak tidur sekarang juga, aku kayaknya akan bergadang sampai besok pagi!"

tapi... baru saja Chia berusaha memejamkan matanya, suara bel apartment berbunyi. "apa sih? siapa yang jam 1 malam gini tiba-tiba datang?"

Chia tidak berekspektasi apa-apa, justru dia malah merasa kesal. dengan langkah yang terburu-buru, Chia mengintip dari lubang pintu untuk melihat–Chandra berdiri di depan pintu apartment dengan satu kantong makanan di tangan kiri, dan satu karangan bunga di tangan kanannya.

dengan ekspresi bingung, kaget, senang, dan gelisah, Chia membuka pintu apartment-nya. Chandra tersenyum, tapi Chia malah terpaku.

"lho? kok kaget gitu, sih?" Chandra tersenyum jahil. "aku udah jauh-jauh balik dari Semarang dan kamu orang pertama yang aku temui, lho?"

Chia masih terpaku, tapi Chandra bisa melihat kalau wajah cewek itu semakin memerah dan dari ujung kedua matanya, perlahan air mata turun. "kok udah sampai di Jakarta?!"

suara Chia gemetar. Chandra langsung menaruh kantong makanan dan karangan bunganya di bawah, lalu memeluk Chia. "kok kamu nangis?!"

"apa sih kok kok kok terus, kayak ayam!" semakin erat pelukan Chandra, semakin pecah suara tangisan Chia.

"jangan nangis dong, sayang. kita ngobrol di dalem aja ya, nggak enak lho kalau tetangga liat?" Chandra menuntun Chia masuk ke dalam dan mengambil kantong makanan juga karangan bunga yang dia sudah bawa, lalu masuk lagi ke dalam.

Chia menatap Chandra tajam ketika cowok itu sudah masuk lagi, "kamu kok sudah di Jakarta, Chandra!!!!"

Chandra tertawa melihat ekspresi Chia, "maaf ya, aku sengaja mau kasih kamu surprise, lho. jangan marah gitu dong." cowok itu duduk jongkok di depan Chia yang tangisannya sudah reda. "kamu nggak mau peluk aku?"

satu pukulan ringan mendarat di pundak Chandra, "kamu tuh ya!!! padahal aku mau jemput di bandara besok!!!"

Chandra tertawa lagi, kali ini cowok itu langsung memeluk cewek yang sudah menjadi pacarnya dari mereka masih masih di bangku SMA. "maaf ya, tapi aku nggak sabar mau ketemu kamu." sambil mengelus-elus rambut Chia, air matanya kembali mengalir.

"Chandra, jangan pergi lagi, ya?"

yang diajak bicara tersenyum, merasa terenyuh hatinya. "iya sayang, aku nggak akan pergi lagi, ya. aku di sini terus kok sama kamu."

[rasimonoceros]

i love you but i'm letting go.

jung jaehyun as kemas and park chaeyoung as kenanga.

jakarta was exceptionally crowded that sunday night. everyone had work and school and their other activities tomorrow but it was crowded. it was nine in the evening and kemas was a step away from stepping in his feet to the bar.

kenanga was waiting inside.

kemas could not bear the heaviness he carried on his heart that night. again, it was an exceptional night in jakarta. he could not bear to face the reality that was coming in a few minutes. he was sure of it.

kemas and kenanga knew exactly what was coming for them. for months, they bear the emptiness between them, but it seemed like the void was getting more and more unbearable for kemas. kenanga would preserve the relationship if she was honest. but she knew better, she knew better than keeping kemas for her own selfishness.

the boy finally stepped his feet into the bar that slowly packed with jakartans who wanted to escape from reality. they had works and schools and other activities tomorrow, but they could not careless if they could escape even for a night. it was the same for both kemas and kenanga. they wanted to escape from reality.

kemas wanted to escape from the responsibility to break off the relationship they had sprinkled with love, tears, even heartbreaks. but it was getting more unbearable for kemas. the void took him over. while kenanga wanted to escape from the reality that was coming to her. she did not want to hear the words coming out of kemas' mouth. it would be terribly wounded her. and she was not ready for it.

walking slowly in the bar, kemas' eyes looked for kenanga in the middle of the crowd. and there she was, sitting with her empty gaze onto the crowd of people dancing.

"hi," was all kemas could say.

kenanga forced a smile, "hi. come sit."

kemas sit and took off his jacket. "i'm sorry, jakarta was exceptionally crowded tonight. it took me an hour—"

"no, it's fine. really," kenanga cut him off before he could finish his sentence. it was unlikely of her to cut people off, but he guessed it was because they both knew what was coming for them. "let's talk, you wanted to talk."

"you know what i wanted to talk about," kemas looked at her, with a sad face. he could not break her heart, but it was for the best. "let's put an end to us, kenanga."

the way kenanga heard her name came out of his mouth used to tingle her heart. but that night, the way kemas called her left a painful sensation on her heart instead.

"i just want to know why—i mean, you know i've tried hard for us," kenanga almost choked by her own tears. "for fuck's sake, i've tried, kemas."

it broke kemas to pieces to saw her like this. kemas could swore to every god that he had tried, too. but kemas need to let kenanga go in order for her to find what she wanted. to find herself.

because... well, they said if you love someone, you have to let them go.

so kemas decided to let kenanga be free.

"i know. i know that you have tried, but can't you see, kenanga? i'm not someone you want, i can't be someone you want. you know want to know why?" kemas almost lost his grip when kenanga finally tore her tears, but one got to finish what he had started. "because you don't even know what you want, kenanga."

kenanga fell into silence. she wanted to deny all the things kemas said but she knew, she knew that they were true.

"i've tried too, kenanga. i've tried. but it's never enough for you, isn't it?" kemas put his two palms under the table and held them together. "you always want more and more i can't give you. don't you also realize that you always push me away all these times?"

"i'm sorry—"

"no, kenanga. you know it better than me that it doesnt do us any good to stay in a relationship like this," for the very first time that night, kemas held kenanga's hand. "i love you, kenanga. i do. but i'm letting you go so you can be free. one day, when you finally find what you want, please don't push people away again."

again, kenanga fell into silence. she could not seem get words out of her mouth because if she force herself to talk, she was scared she would cry like a baby and she had promised herself to be strong that night. she had to be strong.

"you told me once that you believe in destiny and true love. if we are meant to be, kenanga, we will find our way back to each other," kemas' grip on kenanga's hand got stronger. "find what you want, kenanga. love yourself more because how can you give your love to people more that what you can give yourself?"

this time, kemas let go his grip and stood up to hug kenanga for the last time.

"i love you," he whispered.

kemas held his tears and got out of the bar. when kemas was not on her sight any longer, kenanga broke into tears. she let her blonde hair cover her face.

jakarta was exceptionally crowded that sunday night. but it was okay because it meant kemas and kenanga could camouflage their sadness and tears in the crowd packed with people.

they never liked to be in a crowd but they thankful for the crowd and chilly night because they would not feel most lonely. there were two hearts that had been broken, but jakarta was exceptionally crowded so it was okay.

it was okay.

[rasimonoceros]

Great descriptions to bounce off of. Helps brainstorming.

[rasimonoceros]

please, keep writing. keep drawing. keep painting. please keep making your art no matter how many may try to push you down. the world does not have nearly enough artists. 

[rasimonoceros]

“There are three things all wise men fear; the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

[rasimonoceros]

Don't Call Me Again

{ park sooyoung x yook sungjae

 a drabble }

When the last time Sooyoung cried, she was crying so much she couldn’t breath a single air. But she was the one who left. Sooyoung was forced to left Sungjae because distance sucked. Distance forced them to finally broke up. Leaving all the memories burried deep under their heart, leaving all the loves they shared away so they wouldn’t looked back at those times.

But something Sooyoung never told anyone was that up until now, she never really forgets Sungjae. Times they shared were too precious to be left behind, she burries it in a box deep in her heart.

Now that she’s back in town, she couldn’t fight the urge to find Sungjae. To apologizes to him, to talk to him—to be able to touch him again, to be held in his arms like they used too. So when she meets Mara that noon, she doesn’t waste her time, she asks about Sungjae. “Do you know where do he lives now?” she asks. Mara looks at her with pity in her eyes, like she’s going to say something that could make Sooyoung really sad.

But she is.

“I’m sorry, Sooyoung—it’s better if you leave him alone, you know? It has been years since you two broke up, you didn’t know how hard it was for him, how hard it was for us, seeing him broken like that.”

And there, Sooyoung falls on her knees. “It was so hard for me too, but distance just didn’t work out with us, Mara. Please… I just want to know how he is.”

“He’s fine.” Mara says. But he actually isn’t fine at all.

“Please, at least give me his number, okay? I promise I would just call him once—if he wants me to go away then I will, Mara. Please?”

Mara don’t want to Sungjae sad again, but for the sake of her friendship with Sooyoung, she gives it to her and then leaves.

***

Sooyoung is plucking up her guts to touch the call button on her phone, it has been minutes she’s starring at her phone, not moving even a bit.

She throws her phone on her bed but her pillow touches that call button so she is panick, but she gets her phone when on three rings—the other line picks up the phone.

“Hello?”

Sungjae voice. The voice she misses the most. She remembers it exactly sounds like his voice years ago, but she doesn’t have the guts to replied.

“Hello? Who is this?”

“Sungjae—“

“Sooyoung-ssi?”

sooyoung-ssi, it’s strange to hear him said that. He used to call her Sooyoung-ah, and now Sooyoung-ssi? It feels weird in her ears.

“I’m right, it’s you, isn’t it? What do you want?”

“I—I miss you.”

Sungjae laughs. “Miss me, you said? How dare you missing me when you’re the one who left?”

“I’m sorry—you know distance sucked, and you know I couldn’t bear the distance.”

“You didn’t even consider about how I felt back then, and now you’re blaming the dinstance? Fuck off, Sooyoung. You know it was all because you were afraid.”

it feels like she is stabbed with knives many times. It hurts to heard him saying that, but the scar doesn’t bleed, and it’s worst than a bleeding scar. Her world crumbles apart.

“I’m sorry,” is all she could say.

And “Fuck off,” is all he wants to say to her. “Don’t call me again, don’t call me at all.”

He hungs up on her.

That night, not only one heart is broken once again, but two. While Sooyoung cries her heart out, there is a guy who throws his phone at the wall and cries out the pains he’s been trying to heal for years.

[rasimonoceros]

Smiles

{ Im Nayoung as Naya

 Lee Jooheon as Johan

 a drabble }

I don't really like to smile. In fact, I don't like to smile at all. It's suffocating, it feels like I'm being a fake. Everyone called me Ice Princess but I don't want to be a princess, I want to be a queen. No one really wants to get closer to me nor do I am, except this one particular boy. His name is Johan I think. I don't really pay attention to anyone, but hes different. Sometimes he would suddenly show up in front of one of my classes, with his smile, asking to walk me to my next class.

I hate it.

I hate it when people smile like that.

I hate him because he always smiles.

Everyone tells me I'm weird. I would just laugh them off and glare at them. I don't like human, they're suck. But Johan, I dislike him more than any human I ever met. He is annoying, he is full with bright light it hurts my eyes when I look at him. The feeling I have towards him is something more than a hatred. He would sometimes sit beside me when I eat alone outside the campus cafetaria. He would sit there, not talking at all, only smiles. He would only fucking smile at me.

I hate him.

I don't want him in my life. So one day, when he walked me to my next class, I stop when there was nobody else on the coridor. I turned around and faced him, he was smilling for fuck's sake. “Can you please stop?” I said. He made a confused face but still smilling. “What do you mean?” he asked me.

What did I mean? I want you to get the fuck out from my life. I want you to fuck yourself and don't ever show up on my face again. I don't want you to ruin my life, because oh fuck, I'm starting to feel something, I'm not supposed to feel something. I'm supposed to feel numb.

But instead I just told him, “I'm tired of seeing your face, Johan.”

He laughed. He fucking laughed at my face.

“I like it,” he said. And I was so confused. “It means you know me, you know my face, you know my name. And it's enough to me.”

I sighed. “Whatever.”

One day, Johan suddenly showed up in front of my house. How could he knows my house? He texted me to came outside, but I texted him, telling him I wouldn't. He replied he would wait for me all night long until I came outside. I didn't believe him, I tried to ignore him and his stupid smile. After an hour ignoring him, I came outside too see if he was still there.

He was. He sat on his motorbike, curled himself with his jacket.

“I told you I won't come outside,” I said.

He smiled. “You come.”

I just stared at him, didn't believe what I just heard.

“Naya,” he called my name. It was the first time he called my name after months he following me around. He called my name. “Let's go somewhere, I want to take you somewhere.” He offered me his helmet. I want to ignored him like usual, but I couldn't.

How can I refused him when he was all smiling like that? You could ignore him, you know, you just looking for excuses. I was. I was looking for excuses to accept his offer. And at that time, I forgot all the hatred I had towards him and his smile. Because the feeling I started to feel was making my heart ached. It hurt. So I took the helmet he offered me, and got on his motorbike. We drove through the cold wind in the end of November. I felt like all the burden on my body were slowly blown away as the wind whiffled on my face. I wanted to smile. I started to hate myself.

Johan stopped, and I realized we were in uptown, where I could see the whole town from up there.

I couldn't breath.

I didn't know we had something like this in our little town. I wanted to cry. I had never seen something that beautiful. Johan helped me took of my helmet. “You like it?” he asked. I couldn't answer because it was all too much for someone like me. So I told him, “but it's too much for me.”

He frowned. I never saw him frowning. “I mean—I don't deserve your kindness?”

“You deserve it, Naya. You deserve all the kindness this world has. Why did you say that?” he asked me. I couldn't answer. He held my right hand, and he smiled. “And I will give you all the kindness I have, I will even give you this universe if you want.”

I smiled, then stopped. I almost believed his words. But I had never been kind to someone, not even him. I didn't deserve all of this. It was just a stupid view, why did I feel like this? Maybe because I'm getting tired of being so cold.

“You look beautiful when you smile, you know? That was my first time seeing you smile, even if it was only a second I merely saw that. But I like your smile, Naya.” Now he held my hands, looked into my eyes, and smiled.

Oh, fuck, I hate his smile.

I hate him.

But I'm starting to love it. I hate it but I love the way he smiles. I love his smile.

“I—I never intended to let you be this close to me,” I said. “I know,” he replied.

“I never knew either we could be close like this. But really, I like your smile, Naya. I love it even. You should try to smile often so people won't mistaken you.”

So I smiled.

[rasimonoceros]

{ alternate universe

changsub as chandra x chorong as chia

 just the way you are; a drabble

bahasa }

Buat Chia, cowok yang bernama Chandra akan selamanya jadi pengganggu. Tapi Chia suka kalau Chandra yang mengganggunya. Setiap kali Chia melewati ruang ekskul band kampus, Chia pasti hampir selalu mendengar suara Chandra menyanyikan lagu-lagu rock tahun sembilan puluhan, atau lagu ballad yang nge-tren pada masanya. Ruang ekskul Chia—dance hanya beda dua ruangan dari ruang band, jadi mau tidak mau Chia harus melewati ruang band.

Tapi hari itu lagu yang Chia dengar bukan lagu rock atau ballad, Chia mendengar Chandra menyanyikan sebuah lagu pop. Chia hapal betul lagu apa itu karena akhir-akhir ini dia sering update di path tiap mendengarkan lagu itu, just the way you are.

Chia mematung di depan pintu ruang band, tidak sadar kalau Chandra sudah berhenti nyanyi dan sekarang sedang berada di pintu, tersenyum melihat Chia. “Kamu suka lagunya?”

Chia bergidik, “Nggak, apasih? Cuma kebetulan lewat aja.” Lalu dia kembali berjalan sambil memukul-mukul keningnya, bergumam sesuatu seperti aduh Chia jangan bodoh-bodoh banget dong jadi manusia dan ngapain sih tadi aku di sana.

Lalu ketika Chia masuk ke dalam ruang dance, dia mendengar Chandra teriak dengar suaranya yang seperti kucing kejepit pintu itu kalau ngomong, “THAT SONG WAS FOR YOU, CHIA!” yang membuat seisi ruang dance menatap geli ke arahnya. Sonia yang duluan tertawa sampai dia tidak bisa bernafas, disusul dengan tawa anak-anak lainnya.

“Apatuh? Jadi sekarang kamu dan Chandra sudah resmi punya hubungan?” Sonia bicara sambil menahan tawanya yang dihadiahi sebuah lemparan sepatu oleh Chia.

***

Malamnya Chia tidak bisa tidur. Chia memang sadar kalau Chandra punya suara yang bagus saat bernyanyi—bertolak belakang ketika dia bicara. Chia juga tidak pernah menganggap serius omongan yang keluar dari mulut Chandra, but there was something in his words earlier. Chia wants to believe it, she needs to believe it. Karena  akhir-akhir ini dia sedang dihantam stres untuk lomba tari yang akan berlangsung seminggu lagi.

Chandra: chia udah tidur?

Tiga kata. Hanya tiga kata, tapi efeknya membuat Chia tidak bisa tidur.

Chia: belum, knp?

Chandra: nggak apa-apa, gimana persiapan lomba?

Chia: kayaknya aku nggak akan lulus ke nasional.

Chandra: ngomong apasih? Kamu tau kan aku selalu dukung?

Chandra: nanti aku datang kalau kamu mau.

Chat terakhir Chandra hanya di-read oleh Chia. Maksudnya, gimana Chia tidak salting kalau cowok itu sering sekali mengirim pesan manis malam-malam begini? Kadang-kadang dia ingin sekali percaya kata-kata manis Chandra, tapi kemudian dia ingat kalau omongan orang seperti Chandra tidak bisa dipercaya. He is the college clown, the one that girls always try to chase.

Sementara itu, di bagian kota yang lain, Chandra sedang marah-marah ke adik satu-satunya. “Kok nggak dibales sih? Mar, aku kan udah ikutin saran kamu???”

“Ya bukan salahku dong kalau Kak Chia emang nggak suka sama kamu???”

Lalu Mara dipaksa keluar kamar oleh Chandra.

***

Sehari sebelum lomba, Chandra menyempatkan diri mendatangi Chia di ruang dance dengan resiko besar yaitu ditertawakan teman-temannya dan diusir Chia.

“Chia!” dia memanggilnya Chia ketika melihat cewek itu, “bantu aku, ya? Please, bisa nggak ikut aku sebentar?”

“Mau apa, sih?”

“Sebentar aja!”

“Nggak lihat ya aku lagi latihan?” tapi tetap mengikuti Chandra keluar.

Mereka duduk di taman kampus, siang itu beruntung sekali mataharinya bersinar cerah, tapi tidak terik, padahal sekarang sudah memasuki bulan Agustus. Chandra memberi Chia minuman kaleng dingin, untuk penyemangat katanya. Tapi padahal Chandra tidak tahu dia mau bicara apa sekarang.

“Kamu mau minta bantuan apa?”

Chandra tersenyum, “enggak. Sebenernya aku lagi nggak butuh bantuan kamu sih, aku cuma mau bawa kamu menghirup udara segar aja.”

“Kamu gila ya? My competition is tomorrow.”

“Tapi aku nggak suka ngeliat kamu terlalu keras mempekerjakan tubuhmu, Chia.”

There he is again. There is something in his words, Chia sure of it, but she doesn’t know what is it. Kalau terus dipikirkan, bisa-bisa Chia jadi gila. Tapi ada sesuatu yang beda dari Chandra hari ini… dan Chia tidak mau tahu apa itu, karena kalau dia berharap akan sesuatu, dia takut yang sebaliknya malah akan terjadi.

“Kok diam aja?” Chandra menghela nafas, mengambil minuman kaleng tadi dari Chia, membukanya, lalu diberikan lagi pada cewek itu. “Aku serius. Kamu mau aku datang besok?”

“Enggak.”

“Beneran?”

“Iya.”

Chandra tertawa, kemudian mengacak-ngacak rambut cewek di sampingnya. “You never take my words seriously, don’t you? I mean it, Chia. Kamu mungkin nggak percaya, tapi aku akan selalu ada untukmu, oke? I like you just the way you are, walaupun kamu tidak sampai ke tahap nasional, aku dan yang lainnya tidak akan kecewa. Kamu sudah melakukan sebisamu, oke?”

Semburat merah terlihat di kedua pipi Chia. Dia akhirnya berdiri dan melarikan diri dari Chandra. Hari itu ada yang berbeda dari diri Chia, perasaan yang selama ini Chia tidak ingin akui tapi semakin besar rasanya tiap Chandra memperlakukannya dengan manis.

Hari itu, perasaan yang selalu Chia hindari akhirnya meledak, memberinya gelitik di perut dan pipinya. Membuat dadanya berdebar tidak karuan. Dan semuanya disebabkan oleh cowok bernama Chandra.

[rasimonoceros]

Words to describe someone's voice

adenoidal: if someone’s voice is adenoidal, some of the sound seems to come through their nose

appealing: an appealing look, voice etc shows that you want help, approval, or agreement

breathy: with loud breathing noises

brittle: if you speak in a brittle voice, you sound as if you are about to cry

croaky: if someone’s voice sounds croaky, they speak in a low rough voice that sounds as if they have a sore throat

dead: if someone’s eyes are dead, or if their voice is dead, they feel or show no emotion

disembodied: a disembodied voice comes from someone who you cannot see

flat: spoken in a voice that does not go up and down. This word is often used for describing the speech of people from a particular region.

fruity: a fruity voice or laugh is deep and strong in a pleasant way

grating: a grating voice, laugh, or sound is unpleasant and annoying

gravelly: a gravelly voice sounds low and rough

gruff: a gruff voice has a rough low sound

guttural: a guttural sound is deep and made at the back of your throat

high-pitched: a high-pitched voice or sound is very high

hoarse: someone who is hoarse or has a hoarse voice speaks in a low rough voice, usually because their throat is sore

honeyed: honeyed words or a honeyed voice sound very nice but you cannot trust the person who is speaking

husky: a husky voice is deep and sounds hoarse (=as if you have a sore throat), often in an attractive way

low adjective: a low voice or sound is quiet and difficult to hear

low adverb: in a deep voice, or with a deep sound

matter-of-fact: used about someone’s behaviour or voice

modulated: a modulated voice is controlled and pleasant to listen to

monotonous: a monotonous sound or voice is boring and unpleasant because it does not change in loudness or become higher or lower

nasal: someone with a nasal voice sounds as if they are speaking through their nose

orotund: an orotund voice is loud and clear

penetrating: a penetrating voice or sound is so high or loud that it makes you slightly uncomfortable

plummy: a plummy voice or way of speaking is considered to be typical of an English person of a high social class. This word shows that you dislike people who speak like this.

quietly: in a quiet voice

raucous: a raucous voice or noise is loud and sounds rough

ringing: a ringing sound or voice is very loud and clear

rough: a rough voice is not soft and is unpleasant to listen to

shrill: a shrill noise or voice is very loud, high, and unpleasant

silvery: a silvery voice or sound is clear, light, and pleasant

singsong: if you speak in a singsong voice, your voice rises and falls in a musical way

small: a small voice or sound is quiet

smoky: a smoky voice or smoky eyes are sexually attractive in a slightly mysterious way

softly spoken: someone who is softly spoken has a quiet gentle voice

sotto voce adjective, adverb: in a very quiet voice

stentorian: a stentorian voice sounds very loud and severe

strangled: a strangled sound is one that someone stops before they finish making it

strangulated: strangled

strident: a strident voice or sound is loud and unpleasant

taut: used about something such as a voice or expression that shows someone is nervous or angry

thick: if your voice is thick with an emotion, it sounds less clear than usual because of the emotion

thickly: with a low voice that comes mostly from your throat

thin: a thin voice or sound is high and unpleasant to listen to

throaty: a throaty sound is low and seems to come from deep in your throat

tight: a tight voice or expression shows that you are nervous or annoyed

toneless: a toneless voice does not express any emotion

tremulous: if something such as your voice or smile is tremulous, it is not steady, for example because you are afraid or excited

wheezy: a wheezy noise sounds as if it is made by someone who has difficulty breathing

wobbly: if your voice is wobbly, it goes up and down, usually because you are frightened, not confident, or are going to cry

[rasimonoceros]

Write it so that people hear it and it slides through the brain and goes straight to the heart.

Maya Angelou (via hiding-myself)

[rasimonoceros]

and if you call me at 4 am, too sad to even say hello, I will listen to your silence until you fall asleep

(via quotes117)

[rasimonoceros]

Writing Prompt #148

“What even is love?”

“Giving the other person the bigger piece of pizza.”

[rasimonoceros]

It’s okay if you write your journal entries in 10¢ notebooks or loose-leaf paper instead of expensive name brand journals. It’s okay if you don’t use your journal every day. It’s okay if you only complete an entry once a month. It’s okay if you don’t write down every single detail from your life. It’s okay if you use supplies that you find around the house or you find at the dollar store instead of using supplies from Michaels or Hobby Lobby. It’s okay if you only write in black ink. It’s okay if you write in pencil. It’s okay if you don’t use perfect grammar or spelling in your entries. It’s okay if you run a studyblr and you don’t get good grades/marks. It’s okay if you quit journaling for a while. It’s okay if you can never fill up a journal cover to cover. It’s okay if your journal is only full of negative things. It’s okay if your journal is only full of positive things. It’s okay if you don’t feel like journaling for weeks at a time. It’s okay if your journal is ripped or damaged. It’s okay if you only write instead of drawing or putting in stickers or photos. It’s okay if you can’t write about exciting things. It’s okay if you have writers block. It’s okay if you have sloppy handwriting. It’s okay if you lose joy in journaling or can’t seem to concentrate on it. It’s okay if you have incomplete entries. It’s okay if you never travel around with your journal or take it places. It’s okay if you quit journaling. It’s okay if you journal on the floor or in bed instead of at a fancy, organized desk space. It’s okay if you have to trace or copy drawings from online. It’s okay if you’re not the best at drawing. It’s okay if you can’t come up with original ideas or creations. It’s okay whether you decide to let other people read your entries or if you keep it completely secret. You do you.

It is never okay to: Read someone’s journal without their permission. Steal someone’s journal Give their journal to someone else Destroy someone’s journal Try to find someone’s journal or tell someone else where it might be Rip a page in their journal Write or draw in their journal Hide their journal Take photos or videos of their entries Blackmail them Share their private information. It doesn’t matter if the journal belongs to a 6 year old or a 60 year old. Everyone deserves privacy, respect, and a safe place for their thoughts.

I’m glad we had this talk.

[rasimonoceros]

Things to put in your journal:

Poetry Drawings and doodles Stickers Photos Cut-outs from magazines or old books Maps Stencil drawings Stories Receipts Tags from clothing Magazine or newspaper articles Stuff you printed from online Funny/sweet conversations you’ve had Leaves Flowers Plants Grass Thin rocks or shells Letters written by loved ones Birthday cards Certificates Ribbons Duct tape Washi tape Sparkles Glitter Sequins Stamps Candy wrappers Tokens Tickets (from carnivals, planes, theaters, concerts, etc) Feathers Lipstick kisses Wrapping paper from gifts you received Food labels Recipes Tracings of your hand Zentangles Awards Nail polish/makeup samples Calendars Labels from medicines The label from your first beer Invitations Old bookmarks Envelopes Pamphlets Flyers Comics

[rasimonoceros]

[rasimonoceros]

“You think this is easy for me!? It’s absolutely breaking me apart! I can’t do this anymore!”