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grief makes you so tired. she left me, and with what am i meant to fill her absence with? loving her was so time-consuming. it is time-consuming, still, as i love her from a distance. perhaps even more than it was then because now i'm trying to make sense of the senseless. i haven't been sober in at least a week. why do i feel like this is getting harder the longer she's gone for?
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ultimately i have to accept that some things aren’t for me. that some beds i make, and some beds are waiting, stilly, for me to lie. i’m tired either way. i am never not tired. i always sleep alone.
#feeling small#microscopic even#i just want to be loved the way that i love#no matter how hard i try i’ll never be enough#diary#is she falling out of love with me?
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i’m just trying to find myself again. this is just my attempt to chronicle change. a bit of anything and everything here. <3
#diary#studyblr#growing up#writing#love#i just want to be a good person#aesthetic#poetry#let’s be friends#sapphic
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