readersmusings

[readersmusings]

can somebody please explain to me- why a therapist?

i mean why can't I just rant to a random stranger on the street instead of getting my brain analysed by a professional. at least the stranger would say "girl, ykw i get it, honestly" instead of "you should start journaling" LIKE I DON'T ALREADY DO THAT

[readersmusings]

it's definitely the little things!

the way they adjust themselves because I am sleeping on their shoulders, the way we hold hands when doing literally anything, the way we just want to exist in each other's space with or without talking, the way they wait for me (even impatiently), the way they stand up for me, the way they feed me because I am working and I don't want to break my concentration, the way they scold me for not eating enough or at all, the way they take care of my whims when I am being unreasonable, the way they assure me that something will happen for me.

it's definitely the little things!

[readersmusings]

The most beautiful thing I have read recently is-

"He's at peace when he is with you"

WHAT?? I PROVIDE PEACE? MY MIND, WHICH HAS THE LITERAL TEMPEST INSIDE IT CAN PROVIDE SOMETHING AS BEAUTIFUL AS PEACE???

to clarify, "he" in question is more of a "they" and they are my friends. The people I choose my family. The people I make the ultimate loves of my life. The people whose absence would make me absolutely numb to everything.

thank you.

[readersmusings]

THIS!!!!!

[readersmusings]

Remember when we were kids and our biggest fear was the stolen piece of chocolate and whether your friend next to you stole it or not?

I now realise this was never about the chocolate. It was about a friend breaking your trust. Your friend stealing. Your friend showing the courtesy you would have shown them in their place.

You're six and all you have right now, is your complete trust. Now I am twenty and that trust is the chocolate I hope they never steal. I sit and hope that I am loved as much as I love. I hope that they are scared to lose me as much as I am terrified of losing them. I am not six anymore where I don't worry about this. I am twenty and I grew up socially battered and beaten. Formidable are my friends to tolerate me. Talk to my inferiority and you'll know. Talk to my confidence and you'll know. Talk to the absolute and the complete faith and love I put in them and you'll know. You'll know how unworthy I am but I hope still. I hope every morning, every night, every waking minute. Call out to me for help but don't ask how I will be. It's ok I'll be fine. I will pull through like I always did because my complete and absolute faith falters but never falls. Tell me to leave someone and watch me break apart as I so much as change their number on my phone.

[readersmusings]

I have always had this fear. But this time it feels different. It feels strange. It feels true.

There is nothing scarier than losing the person you find comfort in. And my subconscious is holding onto him with its dear life. Then why do I feel that he's slipping away? Why do I think that it'll all end soon? Like we'll not exist anymore? My entire being prays for us to last a lifetime.

What's scarier is that this comfort, this person who feels like home to me, isn't someone I feel romantically for. We are all platonic but there is something so beautiful between us that I cherish it with my whole heart. I have such love for this person that he won't believe it. And now I am terrified of ending this. My world will darken the day he is no longer in my life and my "home" will never be found. I'll be as clueless as a beggar on the street wondering why life is the way it is with nothing and no one to answer.

[readersmusings]

I had this weird thought that I didn't want to think about.

What if they fell out of love because they weren't together? Can you imagine a world like that? A world where separation won't make a heart grow fonder. It would destroy them. A world where all odds and ends win against love. A world where love loses.

What is hell if not for these failed love attempts? Someone fell from heaven because love was lost, and today someone will fall out of love because they just couldn't be.

[readersmusings]

I hope I am an artist in all my lives, particularly when I die early.

[readersmusings]

I have always manifested a calm life, independent of decisions influenced by elders, opinionated in my own ways, and absolutely artistic. The warm lights, the cigarette by the window, the paintings on the walls. Where are they? Are they in a long-drawn future? Does this future even exist?

I hope that I live again.

[readersmusings]

I spoke to that one photograph o’mine-

“Why did you grow up?

When the laughters were true, why did you grow up?

When the love was undoubted, why did you grow up?

When the eyes were curious

When the scars were playful.

When words were polite

When what's wrong felt right.

Why did you grow up?

To be so anxious

To fear for your life

To look into a future

That won't feel right.

Why did you grow up?

From joyful laughs to pretentious smiles

From screaming out loud to silent cries

From claiming what's yours to stifling wants

Don't grow up for, in truth, life haunts.

-ReadersMusings

[readersmusings]

[readersmusings]

Do I love women? Yes, but...

Am I gay because Jesus died for our sins? Obviously.

[readersmusings]

Louisa May Alcott, from Little Women

[readersmusings]

respect pronouns or I'm gonna make yours was/were

[readersmusings]

Give me a painful death

One that reminds me of the times I deserved it.

Give me one that makes me realise how dizzy this world has made me.

I need to go painfully, for in this pain I remember I earned it.

Let me bleed till I go numb,

Till my veins dry and I succumb.

Help me gain the excruciating death

And let me repent for all mistakes unsaid.

[readersmusings]

Turtles All The away Down

[readersmusings]

Hold me, Dionysus.

Hold me and feed me your spirits.

Make me unconscious to this world.

Let me spew my pain out.

I have followed you time and again.

Leave me the ecstasy and pour me the elixir of oblivion.

Hold me, Bacchus.

Give me your spirits.

- readersmusings