readforclover

[readforclover]

Chen Chen, from "Elegy for My Sadness", When I Grow Up I Want to Be a List of Further Possibilities

[readforclover]

Let me tell you a story. It goes like this: my father is the worst man alive, and i am his favourite daughter

— on fathers, mirrors, and unwanted inheritances.

[readforclover]

Scripted Affections

Is every conversation and interaction with your crush carefully planned out? Like, do you have a script for every moment you spend together? While it's totally normal to want to make a good impression, constantly scripting your interactions might be a sign that you're more focused on achieving a goal than actually experiencing genuine joy and fulfillment. Certainly, the thought of spending an eternity with someone holds immense appeal for some. However, if every word, every gesture, every moment is premeditated, can it truly be considered love?  True love isn't something that can be planned or controlled. It happens unexpectedly, in places we least expect, and often when we're not even looking for it. Scripted affections, on the other hand, are like, when you're trying to make someone think you're into them, but really you're just trying to get laid. Or when you're like, "Oh, I love you so much!" but really you're just trying to get them to do something for you. It's like, come on, fam. Be real. Consider the difference between a carefully planned date night and a spontaneous moment of connection. The former may provide a sense of security and comfort, but the latter can ignite a spark of excitement and passion that leaves an indelible mark on our hearts. It is in these moments of unplanned connection that we can truly experience the depth and richness of love, as we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and open to the possibilities of the present moment.

By the way, scripted affections are good for hookups, though. If you're looking for a quick fling or a casual relationship, go ahead and script away! Just don't expect it to lead to anything deeper or more meaningful.

[readforclover]

May Sarton, from Recovering: A Journal [ID in alt text]

[readforclover]

Sara Luisa Kirk, from "Begin here,"

[readforclover]

It’s weird to grow up in a family where you know you’re loved but you don’t feel loved. And then later in adulthood you understand how almost impossible it seems to cross that distance and let yourself experience closeness, how otherworldly love feels now and how love feels unbearable at times. You flinch when someone tries to wholeheartedly love you. And over and over you see so clearly how you cannot be loved unless it's from afar and love is mixed with that familiar sensation of distance and coldness.

[readforclover]

― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Gentle Spirit

[readforclover]

Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out, Richard Siken.

[readforclover]

Mary Oliver, from “Hum Hum”, A Thousand Mornings

[readforclover]

it's always so fascinating and heartbreaking when a character in a story is simultaneously idolized and abused. a chosen prophet destined for martyrdom. a child prodigy forced to grow up too fast. a powerful warrior raised as nothing but a weapon. there's just something so uniquely messed up about singing someone's praises whilst destroying them.

[readforclover]

“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask yourself if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.”

— Deepak Chopra

[readforclover]

Plans

I would want to edit my Tumblr site. I'll just do it tomorrow evening 🌆.

[readforclover]

NEW ERA OF ME: THE LATE BLOOMER

To be honest, I was quite a lost child when I was in my early days, which is my primary years. I don't have any prime era that I could brag of. Well, I did have some in my senior year in highschool. I've paid more attention in school and doing well; Due to me being addicted on social media for the past few years. It affected my mental health and lost motivation to the things I wanted to try. I was just focusing, only one thing and just to finished my senior year in highschool. I even lost motivation in reading books, I'm just sucked in the wormhole of Twitter and TikTok. It just sucks and I kind a regret it when I've entered college. Now in my college days, I hope that I could expand my knowledge and to be better than the past. It's funny that I can hit high notes and sing? Which when I was in my middle school people told me I'm a worst singer and I should not sing but now I can? I thought I would never know how to play instruments, and now I can? Now, I'm playing a kalimba and hopefully I could do better in piano, soon. Even writing an essay in English which I sucked in Highschool?? Another era of me wanted to learn languages which is now I'm practicing french and japanese.

Here's me practicing my drawing. I started this December of 2023.

I used charcoal pencil for my sketch.

[readforclover]

“I hope you fall in love with someone who never lets you fall asleep thinking you’re unwanted.”

— Unknown

[readforclover]

A BIT OF AN ANNOUNCEMENT

Posting my book review through notion. I'll just link it here on my Tumblr account each reviews.

-Cloe

[readforclover]

Books that I've read in the end of year 2023.

Due to the hectic sched I can't read many books which saddened me.

[readforclover]

“It’s both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply.”

— David Jones