realy-prity

[realy-prity]

[realy-prity]

Did I get boring

Or did I wear you out

[realy-prity]

"Perhaps, I reflected, I was not really a very high-minded sort of person. Occasionally quite low-minded and grudge-bearing, in fact"

An example of complicated duality and the ability to hold two things at once, the latter not cancelling the former but adding to it.

[realy-prity]

you're forbidden fruit

i think about it too often

[realy-prity]

We're fighting again. Neither of us can do right by the other. How do we get back to just loving each other? How do we reconnect?

[realy-prity]

I want to kiss you. So badly. I want to throw everything we've built away just to feel you in my lap.

[realy-prity]

[realy-prity]

I want to feel the ground harden against me. My skin to disintegrate and fall away, my bones to dry and crack and turn to sand. I want to fossilize, the curve of tears rolling down where my cheeks used to be. Immortalized in resignation to a forever pain.

[realy-prity]

Begging y'all to leave me alone today. I am trying my best to not feel like a coffin is not being nailed shut.

[realy-prity]

[realy-prity]

"One of the worst things happened today, I could NOT get my soap out of my mold"

I texted the people closest to me that I loved them and pressed myself deeper into my hiding spot today. I laid on the floor under a teacher's desk while my boyfriend listened to my breathing over the phone. I flinched every time someone in the room adjusted themself against a piece of furniture. They didn't find the man and I walked to my car in the dark. We almost didn't hear the call for a lockdown.

[realy-prity]

[realy-prity]

Can I have one night where i am not a victim of someone else's shitty mood?

[realy-prity]

I scrolled through reels for 2 hours and didn't send you any.

[realy-prity]

[realy-prity]

[realy-prity]

im just not good enough for you. im not what you want from me. i wish sometimes that i could package myself in wrapping that looks closer to your vision of me even though i think it's ugly. remove pieces of my brain until i don't care how ugly i would be if i did what you wanted. would i be enough then? just me? certainly not me. a marionette smiling and nodding, "oh it's no problem," "oh i didn't think anything of it," "oh no hard feelings," as if i could have any other kinds of feelings. tie little strings around my joints and pull me any direction, contort my body into your favorite shapes. you'll be finished with me either way, annoyed or bored, should one of us get who we want from me.