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Important rules/tips I've learned as an adult that helped with anxiety

If people are mad at you, it's their responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess

If they're mad at you in secret anyways, they're the ones in the wrong, not you

If people don't like what you're doing, it's their responsibility to tell you

If they say it's fine when it's really not, they're the ones in the wrong, not you

People are allowed to be wrong about you

If they are wrong about you, wait for them to bring it up, because if you try to, you will inevitably overcorrect

Some people are committed to misunderstanding you. You will not win arguments against them. Yes, even if you explain your point of view. They do not care. Drop it

The worst thing that will happen from a first-time offense is being told not to do it again. Maybe with a replacement if you broke something

You can improve relationships and gauge willingness to talk to you by giving compliments. It's like a daily log-in bonus and nobody thinks twice about it

Most things are better after you sleep on them

Most things are better after you have a meal

Most things are better after you shower

Your brain makes up consequences that are irrational. If the worst DOES come to pass and someone acts like they do in your head, they are overreacting, and you are entitled to say "what the fuck"

If your chest hurts after you feel like you've made a social error, that's called rejection-sensitive dysphoria. It means your anxiety is so bad that it's causing you physical pain, which is a good indicator that you're overreacting. Tense yourself, hold it for 20 seconds, let it go, then find a distraction

If you're suddenly angry at someone after you feel like you made a social error, that's also rejection-sensitive dysphoria. You are going to feel annoyed about it for awhile, but being genuinely pissed off is your anxiety trying to find something to blame to take the responsibility off your shoulders, and getting scared because it can't justify itself. Deep breaths, ask yourself how much you ACTUALLY want to be angry at that person, then find a distraction

"Sour grapes" is more healthy for you than stewing. Deciding you don't like someone who's perpetually annoyed with you, won't talk to you, etc. makes letting go of anxiety over them easier

If people don't like you, they will find reasons to be annoyed with you when they otherwise wouldn't. If people do like you, they will find reasons NOT to be annoyed with you when they otherwise would. People do not ping-pong between the two

You DO have to make a conscious choice not to think about something. If you're having trouble circling back to it, say out loud that you're done thinking about it and why. Then find a distraction

When you're upset, part of you is going to want to make false bids for attention (suddenly texting differently, heavy sighs, etc. but when someone asks you about it, you tell them it's nothing). Do not listen to it. You gain nothing from it except more misery

People like to help people they care about. It makes them feel good about themselves

If you think you're insufferable for needing help, see above. Yes, really. They get a serotonin kick from it

If you think you're insufferable for mannerisms you have, you either have to consciously choose not to do them, or accept that they're part of the package that comes with you. Being apologetic about existing does nothing except make you more miserable

If you do things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it makes it easier to do them when you hate it

If you avoid things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it reinforces and magnifies how bad it feels when you hate it

Seriously. Read those last two points again. If you can make yourself make a phone call when you've got nothing to lose, you will slowly lose that panic you get when you have to make a phone call you haven't prepared for. You do have to CONSCIOUSLY take that step

Hobbies that make you care for something get rid of that nagging feeling that you're not doing enough. Go grow some rosemary

If you don't engage with your hobbies regularly, you will feel miserable, and anxiety will spike

Hobbies are things that give you a bit of happiness. They do not have to be organized or named to do that. Go be creative in something. Play with coins. Make up lists. Start a new WIP

No one cares what you look like

If people point out things they don't like about how you look unprompted, they are being rude. You are entitled to say "what the fuck"

People who like you will find you pretty to some degree. Minor things about your appearance go completely unnoticed. Literally, scars and dots and blemishes do not register to someone who likes your company

You looking at yourself in the mirror is 10x more closely than anyone is going to look at you

If you're anxious about your body type, and you're creatively inclined, make/write an oc with that same shape. Give them nice things and make other characters love them. Put them on adventures. You'll start to see yourself in the mirror more kindly

You care about wording and perfect lines/colors way more than anyone who views your work ever will

Sometimes when you're upset, you're going to feel like not eating. Do not do that. Not eating makes you more miserable

Same with things you normally enjoy. Denying yourself helps no one. You are punishing yourself for being sad. Stop it

Both of these will take conscious decision to break the habit of. Make yourself do it anyways, and it will slowly get easier

And again, to reiterate: If someone is mad at you, it is THEIR responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess

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THE SABBATS

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Dandelions & marigolds

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Hello everyone,

I want you all to meet Heidi. She is the dog I grew up with and who was there for me and my family. I met her on a snowy winter day in 2012, when I was in fifth grade. She was so incredibly small, fitting under every counter in the kitchen wiggling around your feet with the kindest tappies you can imagine. She became part of our family, always being there if you need cuddles, taking you on adventures. She is a bundle of energy, always having to be the loudest and fastest in the room.

There was always this happiness around her. Brighten my mood when I came home from school or had a bad day. She became an anchor for me. In eleventh grade I started having depressive episode and when lying in bed, she was just lying down next to me. It was the sweetest thing I could imagine and it helped me so much that she calmed me down. When finishing school I was feeling great and to a notably extend thanks to her, just by being a constant in a chaotic life.

Soon I left for uni and I stopped seeing her less and less. But she was a highlight when I came home. She connected me more with my parents. We go on walks together, to a nearby lake or play in the garden. She loves playing frisbee over everything. And she knows how to get your attention. Mowing the lawn? Playing table tennis? The frisbee will be placed in a way you have to throw it.

Currently I am writing on my bachelors thesis. I made it so far, which I didn't think a few years ago. A lot has changed since I left home. I met so many incredible people. I grew to know myself better and managing my problems in a way that doesn't make me break down. And Heidi is there for me since the day we met.

Sadly, Heidi crossed the Rainbow Bridge earlier today, June 14th 2024. I last spend time with her a few weeks ago. It was during a local town celebration, a May Fire. There were so many sticks to play with and she met our extended family again. Over the past few weeks she often went swimming with my parents and was enjoying the sun outside.

I am sobbing right now so much, not because she is no longer with us, because she will never fully leave. She will live on in our hearts and memories. Watching over all of us all the time. But because I already miss her so much and the positive aura she always has around her. She still had so much love and energy inside her, that she didn't get the chance to show. But I know that she will continue to try her best to help us with all she can give.

“In peace, may you leave this shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey to the ground. May we meet again.” ― The 100

This always has been my favourite quote ever. Because it manifests my hard believe that death is not the end, but the beginning of something new. Many changes will occur from this point on but everything will come together again in a later and better time, where everyone will live happy together in peace and love.

Thank you so much Heidi. Rest for a little while.

May we meet again.

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Living with avoidant behaviours means that for you to see me and be able to judge me, good or bad, inherently it means I am trying. Maybe not by yours, but by my standards I am succeeding too.

I don't think people understand how earth shatteringly terrifying it is to look for new jobs or meet new people with a panic disorder or social phobia. It puts me in a mindset where I have to actively remind myself that ending my life to escape the perceived danger is counterproductive, I am that out of my mind with panic. I know it doesn't make sense but knowing that doesn't stop the visceral fear from being so real. I wish people knew I don't want to be this way and I am actively fighting against it at all times even when it looks to others like I'm hiding away. The fact that I am still here, the fact that I answer messages sometimes and visit my family, the fact that I apply for jobs and leave the house to run errands at all is testament to how hard I'm trying.

If I stopped trying and gave in to my default state I would be shrivelled and pasty, dehydrated and sick from being too numb to feed myself, curled half-conscious and unshowered in grimy bed sheets, covered in nervous-picking sores, popping pills or drinking myself into slumber. I would not speak to a soul, not even immediate family. I wouldn't post at all. You would not know I exist.

For you to see me and be able to judge me, inherently means I am trying. Because I'm here and I'm not just awake. I'm the scariest thing I can be - perceivable.

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For any of my musical witch friends, I had this idea for a way to make sigils/spells. Thought this might be cool to try! Alternatively, you could also make a traditional sigil and play it as a graphic score to activate :)

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Oatmeal Bread for Lughnasadh

1 cup flour

1/2 teaspoon baking soda (Omit this if you are at high altitudes +3,000ft)

2 teaspoons salt

1 teaspoon brown sugar

1 cup butter (unsalted)

1/2 cup nuts

3 medium chopped apples

1 cup raisins

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1 teaspoon ginger

1-1/2 cups rolled oats

1 egg, beaten

1-1/2 teaspoons vanilla or orange

Preheat oven to 350 F

Mix ALL ingredients together completely

Place in a greased 9-inch cake pan

Bake for 30 minutes, or until it pulls away from the edges

Enjoy

Source: A Victorian Grimoire

Correspondence:

Flour: Life

Salt: Purification, Protection, Grounding, Blessing

Brown Sugar: Love

Butter: Hard work, delayed gratification

Nuts: Prosperity, Love

Apples: Love, healing

Raisins: Wisdom, longevity

Cinnamon: Success, healing, purification, clairvoyance

Ginger: Aphrodisiac, love spell

Oats: Money

Eggs: Rebirth, fertility, protection

Vanilla: Love, peace, harmony

Orange: Love, joy, inspiration