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reiisinn · 11 days ago

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Chapter IV | Choices

Summary: One reckless night leads to the biggest and most unexpected change in your life. How will this affect your current life and how you and the charming stranger you met only once will manage to handle the bringing of a new life to this world together is a challenge yet to be discovered. Will you be able to make the right choices while battling your own demons? Who knows, all you must be worried about now is that your period is late...

Main characters: Portgas D Ace x Reader

Supporting characters: Marco, Thatch, Whitebeard, Luffy, Sabo, Nico Robin, Boa Hancock, Isuka

Description: Modern AU | Firefighter Baby Daddy!Ace

WARNINGS: english is not my first language, explicit language, NSFW, 18+ only, contains explicit sexual themes and content, use of alcohol, slow burn, conflicted feelings, conflicted relationship, emotional distress, jealousy, suggestive themes, previous toxic relationships, mention of depression, mention/description of pregnancy, strangers to co-parents to lovers, mentions of a lot of anxiety, mentions of cheating, mentions of mental trauma, social anxiety (+ more warnings will be added if needed to)

Additional tags: Reader is super awkward and has social anxiety and low-self esteem but this changes (I don't want to spoil), Ace is emotional invalid when it comes to love, but this also changes (no spoilers)

WORD COUNT: 10K

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NOTE: Hi, guys ♡ I'm sorry that it took me so long to post this chapter, I was just away for the summer travelling, but I'm back now and will try my best to post a new chapter every two weeks ♡ At first I was planing to make this chapter longer, but then I decided to break it here as the rest will suit the next chapter more. I have a little message in the end notes that I would appreciate if you read ♡ I hope you like this chapter, so no more yapping from me here - enjoy ♡

The little bakery close by the fire station is the only place Ace has managed to think of which you two can go to and have a bit of privacy. The bakery is small and cozy with a nice outdoor space. Before even stepping inside, you are instantly welcomed by the gentle embrace of the scent of freshly baked croissants, their buttery sweetness mingling with the rich aroma of ground coffee and delicate pastries cooling behind the glass counter. Each inhale carries hints of vanilla, caramelizing sugar, and roasted beans, awakening your hunger and making your mouth water from the sweet aroma of the place, but with your anxiety through the rooftop you know that just one bite of the sweets in front of you will make you run to the toilet to throw up.

Like most bakeries nowadays, the interior is clean and simple, following the minimalistic trend going around for the past few years. Cream white sweeps across every wall as sunlight drifts in through wide windows, painting soft patterns on the pale wooden floors and the few tables inside.

Neither you, nor Ace, have said a single word since you left the fire station. Standing now in front of the bakery countertop a young girl behind it, probably in her early twenties, greets you with a smile and Ace by his name asking if he would like the usual, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he, and probably the rest of the firefighters, are regulars here. He nods to the girl and thanks her and then turns to you. Exchanging an awkward glance with him you clear your throat and order just a simple black coffee.

The girl’s eyes shift between you two, her smile not leaving her face. “Paying together?”

“Yes.” Ace doesn’t even bother to look at you as he answers her immediately as he pulls his wallet from his back pocket to pay.

You are about to protest, but he turns to you with a shake of his head and a small half smile placed on his lips. “Thanks.” You whisper.

“Would you like something else?” He points with his eyes towards the glass counter where the sweet bakes are, but you shake your head even though you have barely eaten today, and your breakfast has been long gone due to your constant morning sickness.

The girl asks you if it is for a takeaway or here and Ace tells her that you will take them here, so she pours the coffee into small white cups and hands them to him. Ace takes them and you both thank her before making your way outside.

The bakery is small and people who stop by usually take things for the go, so thankfully only two of the tables outside are taken and there is one available that is away from the other customers, so you and Ace take your seat there.

Sitting across each other, the awkward silence has taken once again. Not knowing how to drop the news to him, despite how many hours you have spent in the last couple of days, thinking over and over how to tell the guy you have had a one-night stand with that he has gotten you pregnant, nothing sounds sane enough in your mind right now: “Sorry for running away that morning, by the way – I’m pregnant.”, “How do you feel about fatherhood? Because you might experience it soon.”, “Knock, knock. - Who is here? The knock. – The knock who? The girl which you knocked up.”. Yes, none of this sounds right.

This is not your only worry. What if he gets angry and starts screaming at you or worse; what if he is aggressive? Maybe you should have called Boa or Marguerite to back you up, even better you should have called them both to come, but now it is too late. It is just you and him. And Dot.

Ace is quietly sitting across from you without saying anything. He just sits and observes you. The way you avoid his gaze, the way your fingers are trembling while nervously circling the rim of the coffee cup and the way you dryly swallow your words every time you take deep breath trying to speak up but fail to do so.

He is nervous himself, because why the hell the girl he has had a one-night stand with has been looking for him, and now wants to speak about something important on top of it, after almost two months since they last saw each other. If it is under some different circumstances where you two meet again, Ace won’t mind at all that he sees you. He will be lying to himself if he denies how attractive you are; for sure the most attractive woman he has slept with so far in his life is you.

The morning after the night you two spent together he woke up a bit disappointed but also relieved that you have left, or better said – run away, before he had woken up. Ace felt disappointed back then because he did enjoy the time you two spent together, not the sex (although he did really enjoy that), but the time spent before that. He had so much fun with you once you relaxed around him. Even got lucky to see a glimpse from your wild side for a moment, and he dared say you are someone completely different once you let go. If he had woken up next to you that morning maybe he would have asked for your number; not to have something serious going on between you two, but if you were down to hang out from time to time would have been nice, even if you two never had sex ever again, you seemed like a person who would be quite nice to call friend at least. But then he remembered how things with his ex-girlfriend started and ended so maybe it was for the best that you just woke up and left without leaving any trace behind you, but your panties – a little reminder of the mind-blowing sex you two had had.

Noticing how hard it is for you to start speaking, Ace takes it upon his hands to break the painfully awkward ice between you two. Fingers drumming on the coffee cup impatiently, he speaks up while avoiding looking at you, eyes focused on the coffee cup in front of him. “So-”

“I’m sorry.” You blurt out interrupting him, which makes him give you a questioning look with one of his tin dark eyebrows raising up and his head tilted slightly to the side. Seeing the confusion written on his face, you try to gather yourself and your thoughts together as fast as you can, because the sooner you tell him the faster you can deal with what comes next. “I-I’m sorry is how I should start.” You quietly say and finally dare to look at him right in the eyes.

“Sorry for what?” Ace feels even more confused now, because why and for what on Earth you have to apologies to him for.

Despite the warm weather and the nice warm breeze coming from the trees around, chills run down your spine, causing goosebumps through your entire body. Wrapping the palms of your hands around the warm coffee mug with a bit of a tremble you raise it up to your lips and take a little sip of the nice warm coffee and inhaling a bit of its aroma in attempt to calm yourself down.

Putting the cup down, your fingers stay still in a strong grip around it, not letting it go as your eyes have shifted away from his once again, and are now focused on your reflection in the dark coffee. “I-I’m sorry, for t-the morning after… you know.” You shrug with one shoulder, eyes not moving from your reflection. “I-I know that it was quite rude of me to just run away, and I didn’t mean to be rude or anything like this.” Still looking at the coffee cup you let go of it with your right arm and run it though your hair, your fingers immediately find the edge of a hair strand and wrap themselves around it. “It was something new for me.” You mumble and steal a glance at him and by the looks of it he is completely lost. “No, no, I mean I-I’ve done it before, not the run-away this was a first, but i-it’s been some time since the last time I did it and I-I m-mean, I-I’m not sleeping around don’t get it wrong, oh my there is nothing wrong with people sleeping around and if you sleep around is fine, I-I understand I did it for a bit in college but not like I was with different guys all the time, oh gosh I sound like a sex addict-”

This rant continues for a bit and Ace just lets you be. It is quite entertaining to watch and listen to it, to a point that he has leaned on with one elbow on the table with the palm of his hand pressed to his mouth as he tries to suppress his laughter, but the smile he tries to hide has reached the crease of his eyes, which don’t stay hidden from you for too long.

With heavy exhale you stop your ramblings of nonsense and look at him with tired eyes. “I’m making a fool of myself right now, am I?”

Propping his hand on the table and leaning on it he reveals his charming smile that got you hooked up with him in the first place that night he shook his head. “Nah, you’re good. Heard and seen worse than this.”

“Glad to know I’m not the craziest you’ve got.” You chuckle taking a sip of your coffee.

Smirking he doesn’t think twice and can’t help himself to stop before the words leave his mouth. “By what I’ve heard so far the craziest not, but maybe the horniest.” This makes you choke on your coffee from the embarrassment that takes over all of you, but despite that you laugh.

You haven’t laughed in weeks, and the man in front of you has managed to do this in less than twenty minutes since you have met again. This surprises you but also calms you down a bit because despite how ridiculous and confusing this all might be for him; he still finds a way to make you laugh and lighten up the situation. Just like that night two months ago.

Despite your reaction, Ace feels like he might have overstepped some boundary with you. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it in the offensive way or anything like that.”

Finally calm enough you look him in the eyes without feeling any shame or fear in engaging a small talk with him. “No, don’t worry. It’s nice to laugh for a bit.” The bittersweet sadness in your voice can’t be hidden well behind the smile you place on your face, and this doesn’t go unnoticed by Ace. “But for real… I’m sorry that I ran away, I just wanted to save both of us the awkward morning after.”

Placing his hand on top of his chest where his heart is, Ace breaths out dramatically. “Oh, thank God, I thought for a moment that I was so bad that you couldn’t wait to run away from me.” This wins him another loud and sincere laughter from you.

“You’re probably used to it, aren’t you?” You glance at him with a wide smile, and he chuckles with his hands up in the air.

“What can I say, I tend to drive women away.”

“Well, I ran away I didn’t drive, so I guess this was new.” You murmur under your nose with the intention of him hearing you, which makes him laugh.

“Don’t worry. I would have probably done the same, who knows. So, no bad blood or feelings.” He assures you with another one of his charming smiles that reaches his deep brown eyes.

Seeing that you have finally relaxed to a point where you even allow yourself to joke with him, he hopes that this will give you enough confidence to talk about why you have come all the way here in search of him. “The fact that you ran back to me, which don’t get me wrong, as much as I’m surprised to see you it’s also nice, but… I cannot help and ask, why are you here?” Rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably, his own anxiety starts to slowly form in the pit of his stomach. He is aware that you are not here to just apologies for your little run out or with good news and knowing that you two end up not using any protection he won’t be surprised if you tell him that you have gotten some STDs or worse - HIV.

The smile of your face is quickly wiped out and all your worries and anxiety come back at full speed. There is not a single trace of the freely joking girl from a seconds ago as she has gone back to being anxious and scared. Dragging a deep breath in you try to think of a way to bring the fact that you are pregnant into the conversation.

Shifting uncomfortably on the chair, you roll your shoulder blades and nervously start to play with the mug in your hands. “Um… I actually have some questions about that night…” You glance at him from under your lashes and he slowly nods as he shifts his body as uncomfortably as you on his chair and waits for you to ask your questions. “One of the things I’m mostly ‘curious’ about is-” You made a little air quotes with your fingers. “Um… did we use a condom?” You scrunch your face from cringe because you have never been a person who is shy about sex or speaking about it (until a few years ago) and now you feel like you are nine again when you asked your mother what sex exactly is for a first time ever after hearing your oldest cousins speaking about it.

“Well…” Ace places his hand once again on the nape of his neck as he looks at you a bit embarrassed as he hears you cursing under your nose. “Yes and no.”

Looking at him with widen eyes and eyebrows raised high you place both of your hands on the table and desperately ask him. “What do you mean yes and no?”

“The condom broke, so I tossed it away. But we did use one at first.” He explains.

You just stare at him without saying anything. The condom has broken. Mid act. And he has been aware of it. And instead of stopping or putting another condom on, he… he knocked you up. The conclusion so far from this – he is more stupid than you are.

Still trying to process why he hasn’t stopped or put on a new condom, you look at him again and remind yourself that it takes two for tango, and as much as it is his fault for you to end up pregnant, so it is his. “Didn’t we use another one after?”

“No, I was out of condoms.” He tells you and before you can ask him anything more, Ace’s patience has grown tin, and he just wants you to get straight to the point. “Look just let’s cut the chase and get straight to the point.” He snaps, a bit too harsh than he intended to come out; not only does the tone of his voice sound impatient but so is his whole-body posture, which startles you a bit because of how fast he seems to get hotheaded when his patience runs out.

“Please, calm down.” You whisper, your whole-body tense with fear.

Ace’s deep brown eyes fill with regret immediately because the last thing he wants to do is to scare you, and somehow, he has managed to do so, and thanks to his job and the education he has gone thought to get to where he is now, he clearly can see it now. You are not some shy anxious girl, which opens her shell from time to time to reveal her true self; it is worse than this. You have trauma responses, which are probably caused by an ex-partner or from some of your parents, but from your little ‘sex life’ rant, it is from some asshole from your past.

Cursing himself under his breath, he looks at you and calls out your name until you dare to look back at him. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you or anything like this.” You can see that he is sincere, and he doesn’t mean to be an ass towards you. “I’m just aware that you’re not here with good news and… and I can be also anxious at times, and when I am… I tend to be a bit of a hothead, for which I’m sorry.”

What people don’t know is that firefighters don’t answer only to fire related emergencies. They answer to all kind of emergency from fire to abusive husbands to people trying to commit suicide. Therefore, Ace has learned that when someone is reminded of their trauma and their trauma response switches on, the only thing that helps is to be honest and vulnerable with them, for the person to trust and listen. That is why he tells you how he reacts sometimes when he is under stress; for you not to be afraid of him and talk about whatever you are here for.

You are taken by surprise by his honestly and you clearly see that he is not manipulating you into trusting him. Nodding your head more to yourself than him, you breathe out. He is right. It is better to get to the point faster than drag it for as long as you can because at the end of the day you must tell him about Dot.

“I promise, I’ll keep my cool no matter what sexual disease you’ve been diagnosed with, but please tell me it’s not HIV.” He tries to lightly joke, but now you clearly hear the worry in his voice. He is scared, and he has every right to fear something like this, but maybe this is better. This means that hearing that you are pregnant should be the lesser evil, right?

With an unpleasant chuckle, you shake your head, a bit relieved by his promise to keep it cool, and because it hasn’t crossed your mind that a STD is way scarier than a baby.

Grabbing your face with your hands and running them up to your hair to pull it at the roots, you mentally count to three and with one deep inhale and an exhale you just spit it out to him. “Ace, I’m pregnant.”

It is like the whole world, no – the whole universe has stopped for a second, because Ace cannot feel the ground under his feet, nor the air reaching his lungs. He has frozen on the spot. All the colors have left his face, and he looks exactly like you in the morning when you have to deal with your morning sickness. He is so frozen he is not even blinking.

“Ace…” You call out his name, but there is no reaction, just a blank stare. You turn to look behind you in case if he has seen a ghost or something, but there are only two elderly women sipping coffee with some cake a few tables away from you. Looking back at him, he is still as frozen as before. “Ace, please say something.” You reach with your hand and place it on top of his forearm.

Your touch causes electric chills to run though his entire body snapping him out of his trance before his eyes snap back at you. Nothing but panic can be read in them. Eyes shift between your face and the hand that is touching him, you get the hint and pull your hand back. Breathing deeply in and out, he looks at you and tries to speak up. “S-say that again…”

Unsure and confused you slowly nod and repeat yourself. “I’m… pregnant…”

Hearing it for a second time doesn’t make it less real or pleasant. This can’t be for real. Thinking about it now, he would rather get HIV than hear that he has gotten a girl pregnant. He doesn’t care if he will reach his retirement anyway nor he wants to live long, so he would definitely prefer a disease over a… he can’t even say the word in his mind without wanting to puck. Just thinking about it makes him gag.

Covering his mouth with the palm of his hand he does think that he will throw up any second now. “Ace are you-” He doesn’t let you finish as he lifts his other hand in the air and giving you a pleading look to stop speaking for a second.

You thought that you have had it badly when you found out that you are pregnant, but by the looks of it, Ace takes the news worse than you. Pushing your chair back, you get up from it. “I’m going to get you some water, okay?” All you get back as a response is a nod.

While you run inside the bakery to get some cold water, your words are echoing in Ace’s mind over and over again. “I’m pregnant.” - The words that he has never wanted to hear from any woman ever and his biggest nightmare have become a reality today. This must be some sick joke.

“Here.” He hasn’t noticed you coming back until you shake the ice-cold water bottle in front of his face. Removing his hand from his mouth as the awful feeling hasn’t gone away yet, he takes the bottle from you and drinks it in one go.

You just sit across from him without saying anything, giving him all the time he needs to prosses the news before you continues your conversation.

Trying to collect his breathing, Ace leans with his elbows on his knees with his head in his hands. This has to be a joke. He cannot be a father. How can he be so stupid and reckless with the only thing he has always made sure to be extremely careful with. Glancing at you from the corner of his eyes, it is now his turn to ask questions. “How sure are you that I’m the father?”

You expect this question, so you don’t feel offended by it. “You are the only man I’ve slept with in the past two years.” As much as you feel embarrassed to share your sexual life with him as he is still a stranger to you, he is Dot’s father and if you decide to keep Dot, this man will become part of your life permanently, if he wants too.

This piece of information makes Ace whip his head towards you so fast it almost made him snap his neck. This is all he needs to hear to confirm that this entire thing is a joke. “Okay, nice one.” He chuckles as he gets up and grabs his head with both of his hands looking at the clear blue sky. “Tell Thatch that I’m going to pay him back very good for this prank. Damn, he got me good.” Ace breathlessly laughs as he shakes his head.

Looking at him from your seat you raise one eyebrow in confusion. “Ace, this isn’t a joke. I am pregnant.”

Shaking his head, he looks at you and continues to laugh. “Yea, no. I’m not believing this shit anymore. I might’ve believed it if you’ve said you have slept with some other guy before or after me, but a woman like you too have been on dry for two years is ridiculous.” Gesturing with his hand at you and checking you up and down while saying all of this makes you sick to your stomach.

He asking if Dot is his is fine and understandable. But making such an offensive comment towards you like you sleep with every single man that crosses your path has crossed the line. “Excuse me? A woman like me?” You place your hands on the table as you stand up with look of disbelief on your face.

Coming closer to you, he stands and mimics your pose, still needing to bend a bit to match your height, he smirks at you. “Come on, you’ve got your act pretty believable until you said I’m the only one you’ve slept with in like two years. You’re way too pretty for men to not pay you attention.”

All you do is stare at him with disgust. He was too good by truth, and you knew it. Ace has just showed his true colors and for the second time in your life you have misjudged a ‘nice’ guy for a complete asshole. But as much as he disgusts you, he is Dot’s father and right now he is making the decision quite easy for you whenever or not you are going to keep Dot.

Sitting back on the chair you slightly turn around to get your handbag and prop it on your leg to search for the pic of the ultrasound and the pregnancy test. Despite how offended and angry you feel, you are doing this for Dot. Finding what you are looking for, you wrap your fingers around the pregnancy test and the ultrasound picture of Dot before taking them out and placing them on the table in front of Ace to see.

The smug smile he has on his face is gone, the second he sees what you place in front of him. The test can be questioned whether it is real or not, but the ultrasound picture seems to be real, way too real and detailed for someone to decide to go that far for a prank.

Slowly sitting back, he takes the picture and looks at it. You are pregnant and the biggest proof is the little dot-like thing on it that is barely visible. The sickness in his stomach comes back again. This is not a sick joke. This is a sick reality.

“This is Dot.” You softly speak, still mad at him, but when it comes to Dot you have a soft spot for them. “This is them when they were six weeks old, they are eight weeks now… and-” Taking a deep breath in trying to keep your emotions in check as when it comes to the topic whenever or not Dot will continue to grow bigger nor not is still a choice to be made. “And… I’m not sure if… if they should continue to grow… and I’m sure you know what I mean by this.”

Hearing this from you Ace gets a bit of hope that you have some common sense floating in your brain. At first when he hears that you have named the fetus already, he has thought that he is doomed and you want to keep it, but now there is a chance that you might do the right thing and get rid of it.

Ace might come up as an asshole sometimes, but everyone who knows him know that he is in fact a very good guy. After what he has told you he knows that you probably view him as one of those nasty men that just uses and manipulates women all the time for their own sick pleasures and right now, he doesn’t care. He is in fact glad you think this of him.

“And despite of your assumptions of me being a whore, I’m willing to even pay for the paternity test myself just to prove you that Dot is in fact yours.” You tell him with anger in your voice. Yes, now he is fully aware that he has messed up with you pretty badly, but this isn’t important now. Before he tries to do his best to get rid of that thing he has some questions himself.

“No need of paternity test.” He finally looks away from the picture and back at you. “I’ve asked you right after the condom broke if you were on the pill and you told me yes. How the fuck did this happened?”

Now this explains a lot in this whole messy situation, because you don’t remember any of this. “Ace, I’ve never been on the pill, nor do I remember being asked about it by you if I were! Let alone telling you yes about it.” Now it is you that snaps back at him.

Ace hates to see that despite your anger towards him, you are not lying. You are as shocked as he is to hear that you have never been on the pill. This is entirely his fault. He is now getting all the memories back from the night spent with you and that confirming answer from you has been nothing but a moan of pleasure.

Taking his head in his hands, with the picture in between his point and middle finger, he whines and curses himself. This is his fault. He admits it himself that this one is on him.

“If you knew that the condom broke, why didn’t you pull out?” This has been a question you have been dying to ask him since you found out that you are pregnant.

“And why didn’t you take a plan B the next day?” He snaps back at you, but this time his tone is gentler, and the question doesn’t come out in a way of blaming you for this, but it comes full of desperation, because the last thing he has ever wanted is a kid.

Slouching on the chair, you look down, avoiding his eyes as shame takes over you and the stupid mistake you have made. “Because I thought we used a condom.” You quietly answer.

“And I thought you were on the pill.” He replies.

Both of you stay silent for a moment. Both of you have many questions, but don’t know how to ask them. Both of you are afraid and regretful for your own reasons. Neither of you know what to do or say next.

“I’m sorry.” Ace breaks the silence; eyes fixed on the ultrasound pic.

Lifting your head a bit and looking at him with a slightly tilt to the side, you are not sure what exactly he is apologizing for. “For?”

As much as he wants to keep being an ass in your eyes, deep down he knows he will hate himself for offending a woman in the way he has offended you. His mother has taught him nothing but to be respectful towards women and if she ever finds out what he has said to the sweet girl seating in front of him right now, Portgas D Rouge, would beat the shit of her grown ass son.

“For getting you pregnant and for what I said early.” He first looks at you in the eyes with shame written all over his face and then his eyes travel down to your invisible stomach. “I didn’t mean to offend you by what I said earlier and believe me I didn’t mean that you’re a woman that sleeps around.” He has already knocked you up, he cannot embarrass himself more than this but still knowing what he is about to say next makes the tip of his ears burn. “What I meant is that you’re way too beautiful, especially for a guy like me, and I must be a fool to think that you don’t have many guys waiting for you to just glance at them.”

This is not what you have expected at all. An apology. Especially not an apology for either of these matters at all from him, or any men to begin with. You are more than surprised to hear it let alone receive it. You also don’t expect any compliment from him but hearing that he thinks that you are beautiful makes your heart skip a beat, but you ignore it because this is not of importance right now.

Maybe you can give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, part of you think that he has taken the news of your pregnancy worse than you have and you think he is still not done processing it. “It’s fine. I didn’t expect you to be happy hearing that I’m pregnant. And this pregnancy is not only your fault.”

It pains him a bit that you are so understanding, and not bitchy and blame it all on him, then you can easily fight, you can see how shitty he can be and realize that the biggest mistake you can ever make in your life is to have a child with him.

One thing Ace has learned so far by being in your presence is that you do not fall for bullshits and if he wants you to abort this thing growing inside of you, he must be a hundred percent honest with you.

“Look.” He starts as he licks his lips and bites hard on his lower lip as he shut his eyes closed for a second, only to open them again and find himself still holding onto the picture of the ultrasound. “I must be honest with you. I’ve never wanted to be a father.” Turning the ultrasound picture toward you, he shrugs. “This doesn’t bring up any emotion in me.” Giving the picture back to you, you take it from his hands and look at Dot.

By now Dot has grown a bit. From what you’ve researched, Dot should be the size of a raspberry by now. “I didn’t show you the picture to feel something. I showed it to you as a proof that I’m pregnant, but if you still don’t believe me, we can always do a paternity test.” You don’t feel offended or mad at him for not feeling anything for Dot. The only thing you feel is jealousy. You wish you didn’t feel anything towards the little raspberry growing inside of you, but you do and that is your problem. “I just waned to find you and let you know about Dot, whenever I decide to keep it or not.” Placing your hands on the sides of the now cold coffee mug, you fix your attention to it as you play around with it. “Whenever you decide to be part of their life or not, I’ll respect it.”

Ace cringes when he hears you calling the thing ‘Dot’, making you sound so loving and attached to it, but he is also taken by surprise by your words. He is fully aware that if he has no saying in your choice of keep the thing or not (because he cannot call it a baby, the word itself makes him feel sick), but he is surprised to hear that you are willing to give him the choice whenever or not to be part of its life.

“Wait, let me get this straight if I understand correctly.” He waves his hand in front of you to get your attention. Once you eyes are fixed on him, he continues. “So… you’re still not sure if you want to keep it or not, but also if you keep it, you are fine with me not being part of its life?” He must have missed something you have said before because there is no way in this world that any sane woman would say such thing.

“That is another reason why I wanted to speak with you.” Eyes shifting between him and the ultrasound of Dot, you can feel the emotions starting to bubble inside of you. “For the past three weeks that I’ve known of Dot’s existence, I no longer know what is right and what is wrong.” Your eyes start to water, and you look up as you try everything to keep them from falling. “I know what the right thing to do is, but then there is this part of me that screams at me that if I do it, I’ll regret it till the rest of my life. But then this decision will not only affect my life, but two others as well.” A single tear falls from the corner of your eye, but you quickly wipe it away, not wanting to let him see you cry. “Especially now, hearing how you never wanted to be a father, I cannot put you in a position to be one. This will be so selfish of me to do.” And you have been selfish only once in your life so far, and funny enough, it was also a life-changing choice that you have made. “On the other hand, I’m pretty confident that I can manage to take care of a child all by myself without even needing child support or anything like it, because I’m already established in my career. So, to make myself very clear, I want you to know from now on that no matter if I keep Dot or not, with you being part of their life or not, they’ll be very loved and well taken care off.” You finally dare to look at him with bloody red eyes and all the power in you not to cry.

Ace doesn’t say anything as his brain is trying to assimilate everything you have just said. The only conclusion he has reached so far is one – he always gets the crazy ones, and you are not an exception to it.

“Please, say something…” You beg him.

Running a hand though his face, his eyes settle on you, and he gives you a shrug. “I don’t know what to say (Y/N).” His mind is a mess. His biggest nightmare has come true, and he has no idea how to handle it. He wants to scream and punch something just to let go of the unpleasant emotions he is feeling right now. Ace wants to scream and blame you for this, but in the end, he blames himself more than he does you. You do seem like a girl who would want to be a mother and surely will make a good one too. Of course, you are already attached to the thing growing inside of you, but if he can somehow change your mind, now is his chance.

“You’ve said it yourself that you know what the right thing to do is, and I support you a hundred percent on this decision. Because just think about it for a second; there is no doubt that you will do great as a single mother, but if you decide to keep it, I won’t let you be one.” You stay still and quiet listening to him, because you can see he has a lot to say. “But I’m not the type of a man that is cut to be a father, you know? I might be the same age as you, but I’m still reckless as hell. I’ve never committed to anyone so please don’t expect anything like this from me because you’ll never get it. On top of it my work takes eighty percent of my time which means that I’ll be barely around, so despite being part of the kid’s life, I won’t be the most invested father to begin with.” If he have to call himself a ‘father’ one more time Ace will throw up for real this time. “Every kid deserves to be loved by both its parents, right?” He glances at you waiting for a response, but you decide to say nothing, because this is another painful subject for you to talk about. “Look, what I’m trying to say is that I don’t think I’m the right man to have a child with, and you look like a woman who deserves someone good.”

He is right. About everything he has said, he is right. You know that he is right, but you wish he isn’t.

The sadness in your eyes is clear from miles away and Ace can see it, but this is a serious matter, and he needs to be honest with you, because having a child is not the same as having a puppy. That is why you must know and think carefully about what he can bring to the table in case you decide to keep the child.

“Thank you, Ace.” You say after some time. “I think I needed to hear this to make up my mind.” Reaching from the pregnancy test, you put it back in your handbag together with Dot’s ultrasound picture. “I have time until Tuesday to tell my doctor what my final decision is so… if it’s okay can I have your number to let you know as well?”

Ace nods and you give him your phone to put his number on it. He hands it back to you and you thank him. “I must head back to the station; I’m a bit over my break.” He tells you as he gets up and waits for you to do the same.

There is nothing more you two can speak about anyway. Both of you are mentally exhausted after this conversation and need some time off to think clearly and make decisions.

Leaving the bakery you slowly make your way back to the fire station. Just like when you have left it, the way back is spent once again in silence. Before you reach the fire station, Ace turns and looks at you. “How are you getting back home?”

“I’ve stopped my car at the parking nearby.” You tell him and he nods.

“Nice. Well…” Ace point with his thumb behind his back at the fire station. “Hear from you soon?”

You nod with a hum. “Yes, I’ll try to take the decision as soon as possible.” Standing awkwardly in silence with just the wind around you making sound as it dances around the crowns of the trees, you click with your tongue and clap with your hands catching Ace’s attention. “So, my time to run away has come once again.” Softly chuckling Ace agrees with you.

You turn away without saying anything, making your way to the parking lot when he shouts out your name, making you turn around to look at him. “Goodbye, runaway girl.” You give him a small smile and a wave before continuing on your own way.

The moment Ace walks into the fire station he runs to the toilets, because he can no longer hold how he feels about eventually becoming a ‘father’. He would never have guessed that he could throw up because of bad news, but there is always a first. Flushing the toilet, he gets out of it and goes to wash his hands as he looks at his reflection in the mirror as he lets the water run on his hands.

This can’t be real. This has to be some very long and vivid nightmare he is having after a long shift at work. He still cannot believe that this might be happening. All of this because of some misunderstanding, for which he blames only himself, after all he is the one who didn’t pull out, not you.

You. Why do you have to be so understanding and make things harder for him. He still cannot believe how selflessly you have told him that you would understand if he didn’t want to be part of the kid’s life, because this compensates for not having a choice whenever you keep it or not.

He hopes; no – he prays, despite not being religious that whatever God or power is out there will bring some sense into you, and you get rid of the thing. Ace cannot be a father, but he won’t let you be a single mother if you decide to keep it.

Despite being married, his mother has taken care of him and his brothers all alone, while his ‘father’, whom Ace always call by his name – Roger, was always at sea. Roger would come home like two times per year, for a month at best and then leave again.

When he was a child he didn’t see or understand how hard it might have been for his mother to take care of three very mischievous and stubborn boys, but once Ace started growing up and saw the world from an adult perspective, he never understood why his mom never left Roger. A man who was never around and was a father only on paper.

Splashing some water on his face to gain some sense, he reminds himself that he must get his shit together because he is at work, plus you still haven’t made up your mind. He might be lucky and get a call from you in which you say that you will get the abortion, and it all will be back to normal.

“I got this. I got this.” Ace keeps on telling himself as he goes out of the restroom and makes his way to where his fire crew is.

Marco and Thatch are the first ones to see him, and both walk to him, worry clearly written on their face.

“Hey, man! You good?” Thatch places his hand on Ace’s shoulder and gives him a strong squeeze, one that says whatever is going on you have us.

Biting on his inner cheeks the dark-haired man just nods, unable to find his voice at the moment.

“Ace are you sure you are okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” Marco adds as he scans his friend from head to toe. “What happened? You’ve been gone for quite some time with this girl.”

“Yeah, what happened? What did she want from you?” Thatch asks taking a step closer to Ace, which makes him feel suffocated and he cannot take any more conversations or questions for today. Pushing Thatch’s hand away from his shoulder, he also pushes his friends to the side as he passes by them.

Thatch calls his name, ready to go after him, when Marco puts a hand on his chest and shakes his head. “Let him be. By the looks of it, it might be worse than we thought.” Both look at the direction where Ace is standing all spaced out and not saying anything, and this continues till the next morning when their shift is over.

Ace leaves without saying anything to anyone. He doesn’t have the energy for any of it as he barely has slept due to his mind worrying about what is about to come next.

If only he could turn back time he would have never even speak with you just to be sure that this mistake would never happen. If he can be grand one wish right now, it will be for you to make the right choice and save you both of parenthood. He feels bad but part of him hopes that if you decide to keep “Dot” (that fucking nickname has stuck to his mind like a parasite), some miracle might happen, and you will miscarriage it and he will get to live his life the way he has always wanted it – with no regrets for nothing.

Because Ace has never regrated anything in his life… so far. And he will give anything and everything to keep it that way, but now this is all in your hands. His, yours and the thing growing inside of you – all your futures depend on the one single choice you must make by Tuesday. And something in Ace’s gut tells him that it will not be the choice he would like to hear.

It has been three days since you have met and spoken with Ace, and you are a mess. You don’t know what to do. Again.

One second you are sure that you have made up your mind and you are going to call Doctor Belladonna to schedule your abortion, then just when you grab your phone you change your mind and open Instagram or TikTok, and of course, thanks to the algorithm, the first thing to comes up is always a video or a picture of a cute baby and your mind runs back to your little Dot and how you cannot say goodbye to it.

Today is Tuesday. You must contact Doctor Belladonna’s office by five in the afternoon to let her know your decision. For these past three days you haven’t heard anything from Ace, and you haven’t contacted him either. After all you have made a “deal” that you will contact him only about the decision you make, not for small talks.

It has been three very long and sleepless nights, where you have been tossing around in bed unable to sleep as time is ticking and you are running out of it too fast.

You have had a pregnancy scare once before. Four years ago, to be exact. You were still with your ex-boyfriend at the time, and you remember that back then you had known that no matter what you would get rid of it. It wasn’t about being so young back then, it was more about that deep down you always knew there was something sketchy with your ex, and the last thing you wanted to bring to this world is a child with a man like him.

But now… now is different. Now you are in fact pregnant, and it is not just a pregnancy scare. On top of it, you are pregnant with a total stranger’s baby - who, by the way, has never ever wanted to become a father, which makes the situation even more messier, because despite not wanting to be a father, he has made it clear that if you keep Dot he won’t let you raise it alone, but how selfish you must be to do this? To make someone be something they never wanted to be is such a cruel and selfish thing to do.

Then there is another thing that bugs you. Why does Ace think he is “not cut” to be a father? By what he has shown you so far, he seems like a well-grounded person. A well-grounded man. Even when he offended you, you clearly saw that he was sincere when he apologized about it and explained that this wasn’t what he meant. There is something about this man that tells you that he is a good man… but could you be wrong about this?

His reasoning to not be a good father is good. His profession is risky and takes a lot of his time and personal life, but many firefighters have families without any problem, but then again – he has said it himself: he doesn’t want to be father nor a family man. Maybe he grew up in a shitty home himself. Not that you will want to start family with him, but Dot deserves two parents. Two loving parents. Every child deserves loving parents. If you keep Dot, can you manage to give them enough love to fill up the gaps they might be missing from their father?

You don’t want Dot to grow up feeling unloved. You don’t want Dot to grow up like you. With parents who are barely there and making them feel unloved or unwanted, because their career or business comes first. You don’t want Dot to grow up with low self-esteem and someone to take advantage of their kindness in their lowest moment, just because they are willing to do anything to feel loved by someone.

Will you be enough for Dot? Because if you keep it, you will have to make it clear to Ace that if he wants to be part of their life he must be there all the time, not just on birthdays and some events like the end of kindergarten or the first day of school, because if this is how he plans to be included in Dot’s life as their father, he better not be part of it at all.

You grew up with parents who were there only for the major events that required all parents to attend, but other than this they have never been there for you. They have always been there financially, but never emotionally. You don’t want this for Dot.

But you can’t require something like this from Ace, neither can you stop him from being part of his child’s life, because at the end of the day Dot is as much his as they are yours.

What if you are the one who lets Dot down? What if you turn into your own parents and Dot spent their life looking always for your approval? Or worse you are the one who will fuck them up by becoming the worst mother to exists and in the end, they hate you for ruining their life and even giving birth to them?

Sitting with your knees bend and legs close to your chest on the couch in the middle of the living room in your spacious and luxurious apartment, you give yourself ten more minutes to make the decision of your life and call Doctor Belladonna with your final choice.

The sunlight coming from the big arched-shaped windows reflects on the coffee table in front of you and all the latest fashion magazines laying on them. Most on the faces on the covers are clients of yours, or people who are trying to get ahold of you to represent them. It is unbelievable how fast your name has become important in the world of fashion when it comes to representing models, despite all the insecurities you have within yourself.

You have finally made progress in your life after you have left your ex-boyfriend and all the trauma, he has caused you though his emotional and mental abuse. There has been finally some light in the tunnel for you to start getting your old self back and… and life throws another challenge at you.

Even when you were with him you were on top of your career. There are people out there who will kill to be in your position. Pregnancy won’t affect it much, but it will affect it once you give birth because for just a moment you will have to step down, and like many other professions this one is also not very nice when it comes to motherhood. Sometimes just a moment away can cost your whole career in the industry you are in. On the other hand, you have your best friend Boa, who is currently the most famous and wanted model to work with, who you know will never betray you and with whom. As long as she is in demand you will be as well, because no one can handle managing this diva like you do. Only you.

But you don’t really care whenever or not you will be at the top again. All that will matter if you keep Dot is to be the best mother they can have. But can you do this? Can you be the best mother for the little raspberry growing inside of you?

“I can.” You whisper to yourself; a tear falls down from the corner of your eye as you gently caress your stomach. “I can and will do anything to be the best mother out there Dot… but not now.” An agonizing cry leaves your lips as you hold your stomach with one hand and with the other clenching your phone. “I’m sorry, Dot.” You speak to them, something you have been doing a lot in the past week. Dot is such a good listener, despite not having any hearing developed yet. They don’t judge or argue with you, they just listen.

Hopefully Dot will also understand. Understand that this is the best choice to be made at the moment. You cannot be selfish. As much as you want to, you cannot afford to be.

Looking up at the ceiling you sniff as you try to calm yourself down. Your eyes are shut, and you squeeze them so hard, wishing that when you open them it will all have been a bad nightmare and none of it will be true, but the reality is different. This is true and this is happening, and you can’t do anything to change it.

“Please…” You plead to whatever power is out there. “Please, if I am making a mistake give me a sign or something… anything…” You cry out quietly and then stay silent for a moment.

Nothing. There is nothing. No sign, no noise, no movement. Just silence.

Taking a deep breath in you wipe the tears from your face with the back of your hand and look at the lockscreen of your phone. Ten minutes have passed. The time you have given yourself is over.

Swallowing hard, you unlock your phone and dial Doctor Belladonna’s number. You wait for a bit until you get a response from the other side. “Hello! This is Doctor Belladonna’s office number; how can I help you?” You recognize the voice coming from the other side. It is the nurse working with your obstetrician.

“Um… hello…” You quietly speak up and tell the nurse your name. “Could I speak with Doctor Belladonna myself?”

“Yes, of course. She has been expecting your call today. Could you please hold the line so I can redirect you with her?”

“Yes, of course.” You tell the nurse and wait to be redirected with the doctor herself. While waiting you shift your body a bit to reach the coffee table and take the ultrasound picture of Dot. It has been almost three weeks since your first ultrasound. You wonder how big Dot will appear now in the picture.

Your thoughts are interrupted when you hear the doctor’s voice from the other side. “How are you today (Y/N)?”

Deep sigh leaves your lips. “I’ve been better.” There is no point lying to her.

“I understand. Have you made up your mind?”

Taking one last look at the ultrasound in your hands you breathe deeply. “Yes, yes I have.” Doctor Belladonna lets you take your time with your answer. “I… I-I would like to schedule an abortion, but can we do it as soon as possible?”

“Of course. I will have my nurse contact you and give you the first one available.”

Doctor Belladonna and you say your goodbyes and the line cuts. A few minutes later you receive a message:

[Doctor Belladonna’s office]: Thursday 17:00 – Medical Abortion

Without wasting any time, you dial Ace’s number. It doesn’t take even two rings before he picks up. “Hey.” His voice sounds a bit raspier than usual.

“Hey. Is it okay to speak?”

“Of course. What’s up?”

“I just spoke with my obstetrician, and… I… I scheduled for abortion.” There is no response from the other side. “I must go there on Thursday at five in the afternoon.”

“Okay.” Is all he says, but what else is he supposed to tell you?

“Ace…” You feel your voice starting to tremble. He hums in response. “Can you come with me? I don’t want to do this alone... I-I… I don’t think I can do this alone…”

He is again silent for a bit and before you can tell him that this is a stupid request of yours and that he should forget about it, he interrupts. “Of course. Just text me the address and I’ll be there.”

“I will… thank you.”

“Nothing to thank me for.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.” With this the line cuts once more and you are left alone.

Throwing your phone to the side, you lay on your couch with tears streaming down your face. You wish all of this was different, but it isn’t. This has been the right thing to do from the beginning. There is no going back now. You have two days left with Dot. Two days in which you have the time to say your goodbyes with them.

END NOTE: I want to start with a little message to all of you beautiful people out there: If you have been through something like Reader and Ace, you are not alone and whatever choice you have made that was your choice and it was the right one ♡ I hope you remember that everyone has their own and different path in life, and if it wasn't the time for this - it is fine, don't blame yourself at all ♡ I believe this is a step in life that should be done when you feel ready and when you feel like you want it (and if you never want something like this it is also fine ♡), so again no matter what choice you have made remember - it is always your choice and your body and no one can ever take this from you ♡ Also you are not alone in this and if you feel like speaking with someone about it my messages are always open to listen to you ♡

I hope you liked this chapter, and as always every like, comment, reblog and message you send me is deeply appreciated by me ♡ Thank you for all the love you give to this fic, I'm beyond grateful to all of you ♡

Also I think I've missed a few people before in the taglist for which I'm sincerely sorry, but now it should be all fixed ♡

Take care and don't forget that you are never alone ♡

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