renaissance-studying

[renaissance-studying]

Idk what I’m typing but I want to release something from my mind into another space. About a year ago my best friend of (the prior) three years suddenly ghosted me. Idk why he did it. In fact the day he stopped replying we were meant to hang out. and the night before, he had made plans with me claiming that he missed me and was excited to see me.

He stopped responding to me that day. I continued to reach out for months because he was struggling in his own life (mental/physical health, family stuff). But I tapered off my communication because I didn’t want to overstep and spam him. I was scared that he had been hospitalized for his mental health and I might cause anxiety by reaching out or that he had attempted more and couldn’t have his phone. He came into my work today. I am 99% sure it was him and he did not look at me. Ordered what he wanted from my coworker and left. But the store I work at is out of his way. He lives the town over and would have no need to go into my workplace on a side road.

I’ve missed him for months and now I’m terrified that I missed the opportunity to see him again. But now we’re strangers. He was my person for three years. And I was his. We promised to always show up for each other and be there, we would know each others kids and promised to call each other from our nursing homes. I suppose this is just the simple heartbreak of losing a friend. But I feel like I have no closure. Idk why he suddenly stopped responding to me. And at the time when he first stopped responding I was severely sick and couldn’t physically go to see him unless he was coming to pick me up. I just miss him so much and it all hurts that I’m a stranger to the person I loved the most. Idk where to go from here. I just wanted to put this on my blog for myself. And it’s tumblr so if you don’t like it you know what to do (block, ignore, scroll).