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I want to recover so bad. But it’s just not working out.

I don’t want to recover enough I guess.

I keep getting triggered by movies and random shit everywhere talking about transformative weight loss.

I swore I’d be skinny and confident by the next pride season, so I’d be excited about it and embrace being “seen” opposed to feeling guilty and dreading it finding some stupid excuse to not go to the parades.

And spiritually I am called to do a long fast. The fast will be amazing I know but damn

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9 hours. Don’t be a fucking fat ass

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I'm not being fat this summer

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Every time I eat I feel like a faker lol.

It’s stress eating tho for real for real.

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Facebook needs to stop man.

It recommended a guy who I (consensually ) choked in the back seat of his car while he was jerking off wearing a onesie in an Outback Steakhouse parking lot.

What the fuck Facebook. I haven’t seen this man for 6 years.

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I just need to get to 118

I just need to get to 117.

I can do this. I just need to get to 117.

Then 116

Then 115

Then 114

Then 113

Then 112

Then 110

Then 109

108

107

106

105

104

103

102

101

100

99

98

97

96

95

23 more pounds to go. I can do this. I am capable of changing. I am strong.

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Binged but beat my last record by 10 hours so that’s cool. Met my minimum of 54, then 60.

Ended at 63 and feeling horrible atm

Puked a tiny bit ( not on purpose tho it’s hard to resist doing it)

Instant diarrhea

Stomach pain.

Ate about 1800 calories. Want to burn off 500 tonight tonight if possible. I can’t fall off the wagon. This is miserable.

At least without puking much AT ALL, I know my psych meds are still there 😮‍💨 good reason not to force more puking…and kinda hard to do when glued to the toilet anyway

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Made a new record hitting 54 hours guys!!

Weighed this morning two pounds heavier- frustrating but Ik it obviously can’t be fat gain so we good lol.

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50 hours in.

Maybe 40 more? We’ll see

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The hunger is starting to come in for a swing.

Need the hide the tortillas from sight next 😆

:46 hours in

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45 hours, let’s gooooo.

The fatigue is really taking a hold now, but I know I could hydrate more and still haven’t taken my vitamins.

The hunger is almost gone. Completely gone when I don’t drink water, I think that’s why it’s challenging to stay hydrated haha

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The chips keep looking me. Like, keep your eyes to yourself. Damn.

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It’s a good day to resist. Skinny is the prize. 💙

: 43 hours in

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Waist: 26

Hips 34

Ass: 34.75

Biggest part of: Upper arm: 11

Biggest part of thigh: 19

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6 pounds from being underweight ❤️

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Breaking my record tonight at 3:00am.

And I’m gonna keep going ❤️