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Life update:

- I haven't moved on and still thinking about him sometimes

- Life is good with fresh air and a run

- I aim to be better this year

- I found out that my heart is weak

- I will move on and will keep moving forward

- Still hasn't received flowers, I think I still won't this year but will continue to learn different ways to love myself

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Free Chao fan upgrade

Story time: It was my lunch at my workplace and I decided to buy a garlic pepper beef with rice. The seller (a lady) asked me if I wanted a Chao fan. I agreed. She then said, you'll have to pay an additional 10 pesos to upgrade your rice to Chao Fan. I don't want to pay another 10 pesos. So I told her, I don't want a Chow Fan anymore.

However, she asked me again, do you want chow fan rice? I told her, no it's okay. She said, you can have the chow fan rice for free. Then, I was happy with her kindness, I accepted the kind offer. Then, thanked her for the free upgrade. She then said, yeah it's free because you're pretty 🥺.

It's a gesture, I didn't expect I needed that time. Lately, I've been losing my self esteem. Because, I'm gaining weight again and started dating.

These guys were not from a dating platform. I don't use dating apps. They're the ones who disturbed my peace, on social media and in person.

These guys gave me all gestures of appreciation. How they liked my personality and features but ended up slowly fading away.

They started showing me how I am worth their time and attention to a waste of their time. And lately, I've been thinking what made them all do the exact same thing.

But, a compliment from another stranger of my age, hits differently. It's only a 10 pesos chao fan rice upgrade but getting it for free because another girl appreciates my beauty is genuine and invaluable.

For the girl that made me get a free chao fan, thank you for making me realize my worth again. ❤️

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Hello there. Happiest Birthday to you!

Magse-send ako dapat ng video— mga toy chicken na kumakanta ng happy birthday song kaso ayaw i-allow ni Tumblr kaya itong greeting na lang. Haha.

Alam mo naman na you've always been a special friend to me at siguro para sa aming lahat kasi remarkable 'yang tawa mong hagikhik na talagang nakakapagpasaya sa'min. Pati mga joke na kahit corny— well, ikaw 'yan e. Basta wagi pa rin 'yung sardinas joke mo. Hahaha. At kailangan pa bang i-mention ang nail art mo? Hmm. H'wag na siguro. Ikaw ang bida ngayon. Hindi pwedeng sirain ang special day mong ito. Lol.

Pero bukod sa ganitong side mo, grateful and thankful ako sa tiwala na ibinigay mo sa'kin, sharing most of your thoughts about sa mga bagay na hindi masyadong napag-uusapan ng mundo. Salamat sa lalim ng mga kwento at tawanan. Thank you for letting me know and understand you.

You know, I may be absent most of the times sa mga galaan and trips, pero miss ko na talaga kayo. There are just things I need to settle first at sana matupad na 'yung sinasabi kong pagkikita-kita natin. That's 2027 'no? By the time, sana mangyari na at ma-meet ko na muli kayo.

This year, marami akong realization in life at hindi ko makakalimutan kung paano mo akong dinamayan n'ong mga panahon na kinailangan ko ng makakausap. Thank you and I truly appreciate lahat ng magagandang advice mo.

God bless you and may all your wishes come true.

Happy Birthday! 🎉

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Credits to the owner. This is so relatable, I have to repost it here for my future self. For you, future self, I hope you'll know your worth too.

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👻

I hate it when a man gives me attention, I accommodate his gestures, I get used to his presence then he suddenly becomes inconsistent. It's like silent ghosting. Slowly fading away.

I so hate it. "Yung puso at isip kong nanahimik bigla mo nanaman binaliw, nag aabang bawat segundo sa "Hi," "Good morning," "Kamusta" mo.

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An appreciation message for all people who find my appearance fits their beauty standard. I hope I have the same eyes as you so I can admire my own too.

Truly, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

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My mothers day thought:

I always get teary eyes whenever I see old couples being sweet. Specially, when a husband makes an effort to show affection to his wife. It's the greatest thing I wish my mom would experience.

I remember my mama told me, papa is always sweet with her back then, but all changed when his first wife fought for their marriage. My mom didn't know that my father was married and had four children until me and my brother were born.

If I can get one wish from a genie. I won't ask for money, super powers or any material things. I would wish that my mom will have a man who will forever love her, respect her and will treat her like a queen. Even if that will make our existence in this world disappear.

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Unspoken Mothers Day Greeting

Hi Mama ko, Happy Mother's Day! Salamat sa lahat ng sakripsyo mo sa amin. Mahal na mahal kita. Ikaw ang dahilan bakit nandito pa ko sa mundo. Natatakot ako malungkot ka kapag sumuko ako. Alam kong hindi ka magiging masaya. Minsan, sobrang nahihirapan na ko lumaban, pero pag iniisip ko ang idea ng pag iyak mo sa aking labi. Natatakot ako mawala. Baka sisihin mo sarili mo. Baka maguluhan ka at tanungin bakit ko iyon nagawa, ano ang mga pag kukulang mo. Kung gaano mo ko kakilala, ikaw rin ay kilalang kilala ko. At kung, darating ang panahon na hindi na tayo mag kakasama. Paano ako mabubuhay. Kaya laman ng dasal ko palagi, makapiling ka pa nang matagal. Dahil wala ako dahilang iba para mabuhay kung hindi ang takot na iwan ka.

Ngunit, kasama sa hirap ng pag stay dito sa mundong ito ang makitang, hanggang ngayon kailangan mo pa rin mag trabaho. Akala ko pag nakagraduate na ako at sumisweldo na, mapapagpahinga na kita. Bawat araw, lalo na sa mga ganitong espesyal na araw, Araw ng mga ina, masakit sa akin isipin na pag bati at simpleng regalo lang ang naibibigay ko. Dahil deserve mo ang lahat ng maganda bagay. Patuloy pa rin ako magsusumikap, mangangarap at mag dadasal. Balang araw giginhawa rin tayo sa buhay.

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Save Nature and Make Matters Yawn. Pages Turns to Logical Koan Diaries. Native King Of Magic and Sing. Lord Kudos Nine Months Narrates A Kola.

...

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People tend to act differently by how they know you without actually considering to look at what's beyond you. That change can happen even in a blink of an eye.

Like how I am being scored at my work. I see how different I am being treated. They see how I struggle with my scores ever since I accepted my promotion unlike my colleague who's in the same position just easily adapted. I can see how they easily trust this excellent colleague and they tend to miss her errors and so they give her high score. While mine was being excessively reviewed to the extent of making unreasonable markdowns on errors which were not in the process. It frustrates me. This consumes me down. I even extend my working time to 8 hours more and disappointingly see my score which is nowhere near going up but continually going to the bottom. I wish I am on a better company.

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After watching several TV series and documentations about true story serial killers, it made me realize how important it is to raise children right. The moment we decide to bring life to the world, we have to see that parenthood isn't just about raising them, making sure they grow until we let them off of themselves. We create the future of everyone else. We share the world and everyone is connected. Just like how I see myself. I don't blame my parents for the struggles they've faced from the moment they had me. Now it's very worrying to think about what kind of offspring I will contribute to the world and the future. We know ourselves in the present but we don't know who we are in the future. I know at this time, I am okay. I know how to think right. I have the right morals. If financial status isn't an issue I can raise a good kid. But it is the current me... We can never tell who we'll be in the future. We are part of nature and nature adapts to pressure but every species has their own method of adapting/surviving and that is how uncertainty just continues as we move forward to the future. However, one thing for sure. Though we can't see the future we have the present and whatever we do in the present play a crucial role in the future and a very important piece of your future past.

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🧿 to keep you safe from people who want to do you harm.<3 🧿

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This is where I let out my range, poor **n***e he can't have this experience because he refused to play the game 🥺

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Confession.

Life teaches us valuable lessons, often in unexpected ways. Recently, I almost made a sin with someone that I would never think he has that intention with me. Thus, it made me realize some important things.

That, even in strong marriages, hidden desires exist. People might seem loyal and responsible, but deep down, everyone has inner desires waiting to be set free.

That, maturity is a Journey. Getting older doesn't automatically make us wiser. Maturity isn't a fixed destination; it's a lifelong journey of learning and self-improvement.

That, curiosity is great for learning, but it can lead to trouble. Uncontrolled curiosity can harm your future, trust, and dreams built through hard work. One line, that I'll never forget from him. "I am an adult now, I know what is right and wrong. But being an adult doesn't mean you need to always do the right thing. Failures and experiences are the best teachers. I know it's wrong but the consequences are for me to find out. Negative or positive it'll still be a growth for me" This sounds toxic but it makes sense 😕.

That, in a world full of connections, it's crucial to choose trustworthy friends. Trust, once broken, is hard to mend. Be selective about who you share your thoughts and feelings with.

That, everyone has their side of the story. It's important to listen without getting caught up in their emotions. Staying objective helps avoid biases.

That, lustful fantasies can push us beyond our limits. Self-control is crucial in a world full of temptations.

That, building trust often involves sharing secrets, but it's no guarantee. Trust is delicate and can break even with the best intentions.

That, in a self-centered world, it's easy to forget the greater good. Ethical decisions often require sacrifices for the benefit of many.

Lastly, I couldn't be more proud of myself, thinking about how I avoided that sin to happen. That more than 2 weeks of talking with him, letting him convince me of that certain thing but ended up politely ending the convincing phase.

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Remembering a moment when I decided to take a stand. We were all hanging out, aiming for a good time, but a conversation took a toxic turn. One person started belittling someone's struggles, saying, "I've been through worse, and I'm fine."

I couldn't stay silent. I had to burst their negativity bubble. My voice grew louder as I called out the insensitivity I saw. It was a bit of a buzzkill, to be honest, talking over others to make my point. The reactions were mixed. Some agreed, recognizing the need for empathy. Others defended the negativity, claiming that their colleague's attitude couldn't be changed, that it's her nature to say side comments without being sensitive enough. Instead of pushing harder, I took a different approach. I politely asked the person to stop speaking negatively about others when I am around, because I would not stand by it and I will do the same thing again. It was affecting my energy and my mood, and I wanted to preserve my positivity. This experience reminded me that speaking up for what's right isn't always easy, but it's worth it. Our voices have the power to create change and foster understanding.

nabinbing liham, 8

03. Setyembre. 2023.

Bukod sa mga pinakamalalapit kong nakakasama sa buhay ay wala akong ibang mapagsabihan sa kung gaano akong naiirita at napapagod tuwing kasama ka. Kaya rito, sa panulat na ito, sa malawak na espasyong ito ako hihinga.

Alam natin pareho kung bakit ako sa araw-araw ang nakakasalamuha mo. Gawa na rin ng alitan ninyo n'ong grupong nakakasama mo noon. Nagagawa kong umintindi para magkaroon ka ng distansya mula sa kanila. Pinili kong mag-abot ng kamay para makausap ako kahit noon pa man, hindi tayo kadikit, pero sa tuwi-tuwina, inaamin ko— naririndi na ako. Puro puna, mga 'tamang hinala', at tsismis na ang naririnig ko. Dagdag mo pa ang palagian mong pagsakop sa espasyo ko. Naiipit ako. Pakiramdam ko nalalabisan ako. Kailangan ko ng distansya at kahit subukan kong ipakita sa iyo, hindi mo naiintindihan.

Mayroon akong hangganan; may linyang nakapaligid sa akin. Hindi ninuman nakikita pero dapat nararamdaman. Sa akin inatas, makikialam ka. Walang pahintulot ko, kukuhain mo. Ni wala nang paalam pa. Nababastusan ako.

Kaya alam mo, dahil sa araw-araw sabay tayo umuwi, hindi man dapat, pero masaya akong nale-late ka sa pagpasok kasi mauuna akong umuwi at wala akong makakasabay na maingay. Gusto ko ng katahimikan tuwing uwian kasi nakakapagod ang buong araw.

Ganito palagi. Marunong akong makinig, oo, pero 'yung puntong umaabot na sa paninira o 'yung mga tinutukoy kong 'tamang hinala' mo sa kanila, sa kaninuman, dito ako pinakanaiirita, kasi nakikita ko ang sarili ko na unti-unting nagbabago at dahan-dahang sumang-ayon sa mga bagay na hindi naman dapat sang-ayunan. Hindi nagiging magandang impluwensya sa akin kasi itong galit mo sa kanila, parang salamin ay nagbibigay repleksyon na rin sa akin. Hindi ito maganda. Hindi ako ito.

Nitong nakalipas na mga linggo, napagtanto ko, at naiinis ako na kailan ko lamang napagtanto na dapat ay ibalik ko ang dating imahe ko. Ang imaheng marunong umunawa; ang imaheng hindi agad-agad nanghuhusga; ang imaheng may pinagbabasehan. Nakikita kong nadadala ako sa enerhiya mo. Inaanod ako ng along hindi ko gustong sundan.

Kaya sa gabing ito at kahit inaantok na ay pinilit kong tapusin ang maikling liham na ito para na ring paghinga at dahil bukas makikita muli kita. Ihahanda ulit ang mga taingang hindi na interesadong makinig. Gay'on pa man ay salamat sa malamig na panahon at sa tatlong araw na walang pasok.

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Birthday blues?

As my birthday approached this year, I felt anxious instead of excited. It was like a reminder that time keeps moving forward. My parents and I were getting older, and I started thinking about the choices I'd made and the chances I might have missed. I felt overwhelmed by these thoughts.

One day on TikTok, I came across a live stream of a young man doing psychic readings. I decided to give it a try for fun. He offered free readings, but I paid $2 to get mine faster. He asked if I wanted a general reading. I agreed, not expecting much. He shuffled his cards, and his reaction seemed worried.

The first card he turned over shocked me. He said, "You often feel sad around your birthday." It was exactly how I was feeling. He also mentioned that someone in my life was treating me poorly, and I should distance myself from them. He was right again. There was someone who made me doubt myself.

The third card was about my money situation. It suggested I should leave my current job, which I'd been at for nearly three years. This was something I'd been thinking about but hadn't acted on.

Before the psychic reading, I had prayed to God for guidance, asking for insights into my birthday sadness and life's pressures. It seemed that my prayer had been answered in an unconventional way. The encounter with the psychic served as a reminder that, even in moments of feeling lost and overwhelmed, there's a sense of divine presence guiding our paths.

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Hey Grandmaself,

I'm writing this letter to you today, because I'm scared of what's ahead, seeing a glimpse of a deep part of my future, made me so scared of you. Look at you, what kind of grandma will you be? Would you hug me? Scold me? Or blame me for the decisions that I made in the past or will you thank me for my hardworks?

It's amazing how time has flown, and now, at 25, I'm dealing with fears I never expected.

If I could talk to my 17-year-old self, she'd laugh at the idea of me being afraid of the future. She was fearless, reckless, and sometimes thought escaping life's troubles through death was a solution. She felt invincible, wrapped up in the idea that she had nothing to lose. Because she had nothing but suffering. Selfish, it's what I'll call her.

But today, I'm facing a different kind of fear. It's not about getting hurt or danger; it's about change, losing loved ones, and not being able to provide for them. Another thing that makes me emotional is picturing my parents growing old, their once lively faces would become wrinkly, and their steps would slow down. It's part of life, I know, but it hurts to imagine them going that far, I can't even buy them their vitamin to avoid illness. I've always admired their strength, and now it seems like roles are reversing. I'm scared I won't be able to care for them like they cared for me.

With hope and love, let's talk to our younger self, that 17-year-old who once feared nothing, and reassure her that life is worth living. She'll grow, change, and find strength in facing the unknown. Promise her we'll be there for her, just as we will for our parents and ourselves.