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Top Ten Comic Characters of All Time (according to me)

Introduction/disclaimer:

This list is mine and is based on my personal and subjective criteria. My choices are based on what I have read in comics as opposed to other media. For instance, one of my favorite superheroes, Squirrel Girl, is not on this list because I have read next to none of her comics and my love of the character is based almost exclusively on her concept and her appearances in other media.

Also, some people might want to fault me and my list for a lack of “inclusiveness” or “representation” or whatever. Full disclosure: I’m a straight white dude and I tend to relate most to the straight white dude characters that have historically dominated the comics world. Thus, I’m more likely to be drawn to stories about those characters. I do not apologize for my tastes. If they radically differ from yours, feel free to make your own list and tell me why you like the characters you like. That would be awesome.

Finally, there are half a dozen characters outside this Top Ten that could jump into it at any moment. This list represents my Top Ten at the time I wrote this and is subject to change.

Still with me? Cool! Here we go!

 10. Wolverine

               Most people would put Logan aka James Howlett aka the Wolverine much higher on their lists, and I completely understand why. He is “the best he is at what he does” ™ and is one of the most complex and interesting characters in comics. He also, until his death a couple of years ago, was perhaps the most overexposed character in all of comics. He’s a down to earth guy who mostly just wants to be left alone, but neither the comic world nor the comic industry is willing to give him a break. With a cool and dark backstory and super cool powers, he’s one of the legitimate badasses in the Marvel universe.

9. Blue Beetle/Jaime Reyes

               “What is this blasphemy?! Jaime Reyes ranked higher than Mr. Snikt?!” Yes. This is my list and I say Jaime gets a higher spot.

Hear me out on this. Beetle gets this spot on my list mainly due to his introductory arc during DC’s “One Year Later” event and his recent “Rebirth” run. Both runs are well written with great character interaction and dialogue. Jaime’s just a regular high school kid who also happens to be a superhero. Not the most original concept (*cough* Spider-Man! *cough*) but he pulls it off in what feels like a fresh way. It also doesn’t hurt that he was a show stealer in his recurring role in the “Batman: The Brave and the Bold” cartoon a few years ago. But his comics just shine to me.

8. Batman

               More controversy! Batman is only at number 8! I realize most people place him much higher because he’s one of the more relatable members of DC’s top-flight heroes in that he’s just a man in a world of gods. For me, he suffers from the same kind of overexposure that Wolverine has had over the years. I also don’t tend to find him as interesting as the characters he deals with, whether his allies or his rogues' gallery. He’s a darker, more brooding Iron Man (I realize Batman came first, but I think the comparison is still valid). I find him at his best when he’s forced to play with others, especially Superman, because the tension between the “solitary crimefighter” and the “super team” dynamics can be so fun. Recommended reading includes the Justice miniseries by Alex Ross and Co. and the Justice League: Lightning Saga story arc.

7. Captain Marvel/Shazam!

               For the five of you that are still reading, this entry might be the last straw. Bear with me. Batman is the dark, brooding hero of the night. Captain Marvel (or Shazam for those willing to give up the ghost of Fawcett Comics) is the polar opposite of that: he is bright, colorful, and full of whimsy. Whimsy and wonder are both things that are in short supply in this post-Watchmen comics world, and that’s a shame. It’s that harkening back to the core of how comics began that is a large part of his appeal to me. Interestingly enough, it’s a couple of his more recent stories that have made me love him as a character. Jeff Smith, of Bone fame, wrote an origin miniseries for Captain Marvel called Shazam and the Monster Society of Evil and it’s wonderful. Also recommended is his part in the previously mentioned Justice series.

6. Captain America

               This is a more conventional pick. Cap makes this list for similar reasons to the previous Captain on this list: he represents the values and sentiments of a bygone age. In particular, his refusal to compromise his beliefs regardless of the personal cost is a breath of fresh air and too seldom seen anymore. Leader, soldier, champion of liberty, that’s Cap. Look up his run in the New Avengers series up through the Civil War arc to see exactly what I’m talking about.

Also, Hydra Cap never happened. Just no.

5. Joker

               You know how the last two choices were upstanding, almost squeaky-clean citizens?

              Yeah, good times.

              For someone completely different, Number Five gives us the Joker. He is, bar none, the most fascinating supervillain ever, responsible for some of the most twisted moments in mainstream comics. Jason Todd? That was the Joker. Barbara Gordon? Yep, that was him, too. Harley Quinn? Mistah J says, “You’re welcome.” The Joker is sick, twisted, and downright evil, and he embraces it like no other. Sometimes, a villain isn’t misunderstood; sometimes a villain is just a villain. And the Joker does “villain” with a style all his own. Required reading includes the Justice series (can you tell I like this series? I do.), the Dark Knight Returns, and, of course, The Killing Joke.

4. Superman

               Honestly, I thought Supes would be higher on my list. He’s the first superhero and still, to me at least, one of the best. I realize most folks find him to be too powerful to be relatable, and there’s no small amount of validity to that point. But the best part of this character isn’t his ability to punch planets out of orbit or “leap tall buildings” or any of that. It’s his... well, his character. That middle-America farmer’s son upbringing, with its sense of right and wrong that has so seldom failed him, is what makes Superman more than just the Last Son of Krypton. To borrow from Kingdom Come, it’s the “man” more than the “super” that makes him special. It’s what makes him a symbol of virtue and excellence, a standard to which we can aspire. It’s Clark Kent, rather than Kal-El, that I want to be like. Some good reading includes the aforementioned Kingdom Come, The Superman/Batman Supergirl arc (this is actually a good Batman read, as well) and, you guessed it, Justice.

3. Hellboy

               Sadly, this is the only non-Big-Two character on my list. For now. I’m just starting to branch out so future lists might have more.

               Anyway, Hellboy makes the list because he isn’t what you’d expect him to be. The son of a major league demon and destined to bring about the apocalypse, he should be an earth-shattering villain. But he’s a hero because of his upbringing by a paranormal expert. Nurture triumphing over Nature. The monster as the hero. Also, he’s just a fun character and his stories are good stuff. Of particular note, mainly because this is what I’ve read, is the recent Hellboy and the BPRD 1950s series.

2. Rocket Raccoon

               If you’ve read this far, this pick really shouldn’t surprise you. Sometimes, we want heroes to inspire us to be better people.  Sometimes, we just want a raccoon with a big flarkkin’ gun. Rocket’s recent string of short series, both solo and with Groot, are just fun reading.

1. Hulk

               This was the one pick I didn’t need to think about; Hulk was at Number One from the start. The concept of a super smart guy who turns into a raging monster when he loses his cool resonates with me on an intensely personal level. While he has had quite a few strange turns in his comics history, the big guy really came into his own during the Planet Hulk series, where he was shot into space by his best “friends” to a planet full of enemies and dangers that only the Hulk could survive. His development from monster to gladiator to fugitive to king, and then to vengeful conqueror in the following World War Hulk, is one of my favorite arcs in all of comics. Whether big and kind of dumb or big and super smart or somewhere in between like in the stories I’ve mentioned, Hulk is my Number One comic character of all time. At least until the next time.

                So, that’s my list. But what’s a list like this without some honorable mentions?

Honorable Mentions:

12. Rorschach

               This is the obligatory Watchmen pick. While I don’t like the story, I appreciate the historical impact it’s had on the comics industry. Rorschach is the only character that I can call anything close to a “good guy” despite his extreme homicidal tendencies. His refusal to go along with the alien invasion story covering Ozymandias’s murder of millions of people “so billions might live”, his refusal to accept the lesser evil, shows an integrity that is perhaps outdated but no less laudable for being outdated.

13. Renee Montoya/the Question

               The first woman on this list and it’s neither Wonder Woman nor fan-favorite Kitty Pryde. Renee Montoya is, to me, a more interesting character than either, mostly because she’s very flawed. She’s rough around the edges; she drinks to excess; she has doubts about her abilities and her value as a detective. I gather most of this info from her run in DC’s 52 series, which is a great read on its own.

16. Lex Luthor

               This guy.

               This guy right here.

               He’s the stereotypical “evil businessman” and yet he is so much more. A legit genius who inevitably uses that genius to fight petty grudges rather than help humanity reach claims potential like he claims to care about. Kingdom Come, Justice, you know the drill.

19. Iron Man

               Some characters combine seriously cool abilities with personalities that are seriously hard to like. Iron Man is cool; Tony Stark is just an egomaniacal jerk. It’s also worth noting that Tony often has to use Iron Man (and the Avengers) to fix problems of his own making. He’s a great character, but he’s not a good one.

25. Deadpool

               Because Wade was going to kill me if I didn’t put him somewhere on this list.

               Seriously. He’s standing right next to me while I’m writing this.

              Help me.

30. Death of the Endless

               I’ve honestly only read one issue featuring Death, Neil Gaiman’s Sandman, #8. But that one issue is probably my favorite single comic issue ever. It’s stark, poignant, and beautiful. My list had 29 characters and I immediately thought of her for Number Thirty, but I’m sure she’ll move higher if I ever read any more of her stories.

               Well, that’s all for now. I hope you enjoyed this strange trip through my comic book preferences. For real, to all who’ve gotten this far, I’d love to read your Top Ten. I find the reasons why different people like different characters fascinating.

              Till next time, cheers, y’all!

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Raam, a Not Entirely Original Character

This is a backstory for one of my D&D characters for Curse of Strand campaign. Enjoy! Raam banged the gnomish firestarter against the table several times, muttering every curse he knew in half a dozen languages. The thing was a technological miracle according to the guy at the docks who sold it to him. And it was, when it worked. Which was seldom. Finally giving up, Raam walked over to the hearth, picked up a straw from the spill vase and lit his cigar. He sat back down and closed his eyes, enjoying the aroma of the smoke. He found it more soothing than the incense that burned at the temples of Tyr or Ilmater. Perhaps that was because of his heritage, or perhaps it was the memories attached to the smell of incense. Either way, he was always more comfortable in taverns and inns like this one. It was just off the market district of Waterdeep, in a slightly less than reputable part of town. Maybe that was why Father Yosef was late, Raam mused with a smirk. Father Yosef was a priest, a servant of the Crying God. He was also the one man who didn't want to kill the newborn Raam when his contingent of clerics and paladins found him. Raam was a tiefling, the son of a human mother and an arch devil. He was born during a profane ritual to open a gate to one of the Hells. Father Yosef's group, part of the secret Fivefold Order drawn from many different faiths and devoted to fight evil by any means necessary, had stopped the ritual and banished the devil back to his native plane when they found Raam, his right arm severed just below the elbow and fused with some ancient stone artifact. None there knew what its purpose was or why it had been attached to an infant, and the paladins in charge had no interest in finding out. But Father Yosef took pity on the tiny creature and claimed guardianship in the name of Ilmater so that he might ease the child's burden and suffering. The paladins reluctantly agreed, with the provision that Raam, once he was old enough, be trained to enter their secret order and redeem his existence by fighting the very forces that had brought him into being. And so the paladins of Tyr taught him to fight for justice and punish the guilty. But Father Yosef, who learned Raam's true name and kept it secret even from his comrades within the order, taught him to show compassion to the hurting and heal the suffering of the innocent. And now Father Yosef was late. Raam was just beginning to worry when the tavern door swung open and in walked a cloaked figure with a walking staff and a long white beard. The man moved slowly but with confidence and sat down across the table from Raam. "Father," he said, half rising from his seat out of respect. "There are times when evil hides from the light," the man replied. Raam sighed. "Come on, Father, you know it's me." The old man stared at him. "We've been doing this for years, what's the point?" The old man stared harder. "I'm not saying it; it's clunky and dumb." The old man started to rise, reaching for a short blade on his belt. "Fine!" Raam said, exasperated. " 'So at those times, justice must strike from the shadows.' Happy?" The old man released his grip on his sword and sat back down. "This is not a game, son," he said. "I know that," Raam replied, "it's just that I don't get the point of it all. You knew it was me, right? And I knew it was you. It's not like someone would..." "Like someone would hire a shape changer to impersonate you to get to the Order through me?" Father Yosef asked, his eyes twinkling. Raam sighed. Of course Father Yosef was right. The Order was built around secrets and would be torn apart by the various temples should its secrets come to light. It was the awkwardness of the secret pass phrase that bothered him more than its purpose, but he knew that awkwardness was just why Father Yosef had made it the pass phrase. He delighted in irking his adopted son. "So what's the mission this time?" Raam asked taking a drag on his cigar. "You know I despise those things," Yosef said, waving the smoke away. The smoke sparkled and vanished, a sign of prestidigitation. Raam smiled; his father had picked up a new trick since he'd last seen him. "And it's not a 'mission'," Yosef continued. "Not officially. Not yet, anyway. I'm returning a favor to an old comrade." "Favor?" "He saved my life more times than I wish to admit. And he's still on good terms with the Order, although he's no longer technically within their ranks." Raam's yellow eyes widened. One did not simply leave the Order, even in death. "Alright, old friend needs help. Why do you need me?" he asked. "He is in great peril in a far land, and I'm not confident I could make the journey and still provide any aid to him." "Far land? How far? Calimshan? Aglarond? The Desolation?" "Barovia." Raam's eyes widened again, and a shiver went up his spine. Even to a hardened warrior like him, Barovia was not a place to speak of lightly. "Barovia? That's on a different plane," he said. "Yes, a plane where darkness and evil hold sway," Yosef said. "It will be unlike any place you've yet been to." "How so I get there?" Raam asked. In response, Yosef produced a small vial filled with a dark, swirling liquid. Raam raised an eyebrow in confusion. "This will transport you to a pocket dimension," Yosef explained, "where you will wait in stasis until he needs you." Raam jerked his head back in alarm. "Stasis?" he asked. "How do I know this guy isisn't just going to leave me there? How do I know this isn't just a prison?" "Because I made this elixir myself," Yosef said. "Its effects are temporary. If Marcus doesn't call you to aid him in a couple of tendays, you will return here. Either way, your transition will feel instantaneous." Raam continued to regard the vial suspiciously. Yosef smiled. "Do you trust me, son?" he asked. Raam looked at the man who had been more of a father to him than anyone alive. "With my life and with my soul," he said. "Then take the elixir. Go forth and grant the comfort of Ilmater and the justice of Tyr to them that need them. Go with the blessing of the Fivefold and know that, though you may fight at the doors of the Hells themselves, you will not fight alone." Raam nodded and took the vial. "Alright, Barovia," he said, revealing his massive stone hand for the first to unstopper the vial. "Get ready to meet the Right Hand of Doom." With that invocation of the nickname the more friendly paladins had given him, Raam drank the potion. And then he vanished.

[rkfstudio]

So, on the plus side, I learned that I can take on a cocaine bear.

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SNAKE ME UP (SNAKE ME UP INSIDE)

I CAN’T SNAKE UP (SNAKE ME UP INSIDE)

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAKE MEEEEEEEEE

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Star Wars Episode VIII: The Search For Grapes (via imgur)

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requested by @phobafett // episode 57

Bonus:

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http://geekandsundry.com/acquisitions-inc-is-back-and-its-a-heist/

Wizards of the Coast’s celebrity DM Chris Perkins is back running games for the Penny Arcade crew in a new season of Acquisitions Inc. If you haven’t seen them before, these are the characters developed by famed nerds Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik, along with their various friends …

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Recent events.

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Texts From Superheroes

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Room Temperature

The straps should have loosened by now, they seem to be regular fabric. The ends are floating and tickling my legs, but I can’t move enough to scratch or change it. I’ve tried not to urinate, but I gave up. I shouldn’t drink either, but I’m thirsty, I’m not sure if I can even cry anymore. Yelling wore me out, I gave up on that yesterday. If it really was yesterday. It’s dark and everything echoes. That steady drip that has been keeping time, maybe that’s my seconds-marker. I’ve counted, and given up, and lost which tens of thousands I’m in, or I guess fallen asleep. My ears are ringing and sore, I wrench my neck to keep them above the water but I’m hurting, and I don’t have the strength. The drips sound like a drum underwater, and I can hear my feet move. I worry about the air. It’s getting harder to breathe. I’m drowsy and aching and lost, I’m not sure I can feel my body except when it itches or hurts. This doesn’t seem to be a big place, the echoes are tight and constrained. It might be a hot tub. I just don’t know where. I always hated the smell of chlorine. Like public pools at gyms or at schools, it always felt so medical, the smell that covers up humanity and pretends there’s no sickness around, it becomes its own banner for denial. A hospital smell. Something to mask the revulsion we fear in the world, each other. Artificial purity. It burns in my eyes and soaks into my hair… Which is coming out. My scalp is burning the longer it’s submerged and I can feel little tickles of it by my elbows, my knees, I know it’s just falling out and I want to scream again and I can’t. My throat is raw. My sobs creak. I feel swollen and tired.

I’m not drowning, not yet, but that drip has been slamming into the water and maybe it isn’t filling so much as it’s keeping the levels even but I feel the surface tickle my chin and I don’t think it was that high before, and the gag is damp and my mouth tastes like chemicals and bile and I can’t scream anymore I just can’t I don’t know how. I shouldn’t breathe so hard because I don’t know if the air… If they thought I was dead, they wouldn’t gag me. Someone knows I’m in here. My head is pounding in its own rhythm, I guess it’s my blood and my heart and it used to be fast but now it’s slower than the dripping sound, sometimes it hurts so bad I clench up and it feels like my skin is bursting and scraping off against the straps, how can I feel so shriveled and bloated at the same time? I’m so thirsty but I keep choking on my own vomit and my stomach feels like there’s glass shards in there but I know I couldn’t be stabbed or else I wouldn’t still be awake in here after all this time. This is what rotting feels like, tight and distant and sick-sweet and salty with tears. My wrists burn, I wonder if they’re bleeding and it’s so dark everywhere, what if the water is bloody and red and I’m soaking it all in and recycling it back through myself, filtering in and out until everything equalizes, what if there’s nutrients in the water so I can’t die and they keep me here for a week like a body in a glass jar, waiting for me to move… I wonder how much of this water is my tears, how much of this water is me. Maybe I’ll slowly dissolve into a gelatin slurry and they’ll garnish me with parsley and dip in cups to taste how scared I am, like I’m dessert, like I’m art or else why would someone keep a person tied up in a tub like this? It’s dripping every second and the water on my chin is just a tickle, like I’m floating and I can’t tell what’s the surface or what’s the fabric or what’s my loose hair or if anything can be a way out, if I could simply float up and evaporate entirely, sneak out the cracks and corners and join the clouds somewhere. I just don’t know what this means.

My feet are burning, and my knees are burning and my stomach is on fire, it feels like I’m being broiled and popping, oily bubbles of my skin like buttery bread, the shifting doesn’t help and I must have been asleep but now there’s another smell. It’s not the same at all. The denial of death. Those chemicals like science class with scalpels on limp piles of what was once a frog or a pig but is now a mutilated mess of labeled bones and soft organs, I know this smell and I know that feeling. It’s a preservative. The sharp smell of something yellow that lasts. My torso is stinging and the first bits reach my chin and I’ve still forgotten how to cry, but I’m trying, I’m trying to feel anything that isn’t a classroom experiment and I’d welcome being spread out on a table with a knife in me just to know that I once identified as a human being instead of a pickled mass of limbs and why is this happening now? Why can I smell the onset of death when it could have been over so much easier, so much earlier, what if there’s other things in here with me, what if that wasn’t my hair I was feeling and my tears I was floating in all this time? What if I’m just the newest one…?

My eyes are stinging, they might be open or closed I can’t tell anymore, but the drip is faster or maybe I’m slower, and the water is reaching to my lips or I’m sinking and not fighting anymore, maybe I’m not special but I’m just the next one, the fresh one, the experiment of how long until someone stops fighting. And I’ve stopped crying, I’ve stopped screaming, and maybe after this rest I’ll stop trying. I can burn underwater, I know that now, and I think I might stop fighting. The taste of humanity and denial in my mouth and maybe I’ll just stop fighting.

I used to dream of floating in the clouds.

[rkfstudio]

tarot reader: now I will show you your fortune

me: cool I guess

tarot reader: why is every card death, what the fuck, I don't even have that many death cards

me: figures

[rkfstudio]

lmfao

[rkfstudio]

No, this is exactly what happens!

i love when fanfiction describes male orgasm simply as

“he exploded”

just like

[rkfstudio]

“I didn’t start publishing Pennsylvania’s Orange Street News so that people would think I’m cute. I want to get the truth to people, even if it makes grownups mad,” says 9-year-old Hilde Kate Lysiak, publisher of and reporter for the Orange Street News.

After reporting on a suspected homicide in Selinsgrove, Pa., Hilde was harassed by “disgusted” adults commenting on her site, saying her time would be better spent at tea parties and playing with dolls. 

Hilde has something to say, and she takes no prisoners, firing back at her aging critics, with a video and in her column for the Guardian. 

[rkfstudio]

“I am super powerful and awesome! I can do anything, it’s amazing! Who knew?

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[rkfstudio]

why dont they just use guns in naruto