roboute-guilliman

[roboute-guilliman]

So much recaf. Yet, still tired.

[roboute-guilliman]

L- Leader "Like father, like son" I like how, both in the past and in the present, Roboute desperately shrugs off the position of ruler. Although it is worth remembering that, of all the brothers, he is the only one who has ruled a gigantic number of worlds (the Ultramar Sector) in his time, and has the best idea of what a pain in the ass that is.

[roboute-guilliman]

"average imperial citizen eats 3 psykers a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average citizen eats 0 psykers per year. God Emperors Georg, beloved by all, who lives on the golden throne & eats 1,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[roboute-guilliman]

M’lord I found one of those necron scarabs that seems to like me. May I keep it? I promise to take good care of it and keep it in a proper tank

That is a spy and it might crawl into your brain. You can keep it under high security lock for as long as the Ordo Xenos does not catch you.

[roboute-guilliman]

Making a to do list will save the Imperium. Surely.

[roboute-guilliman]

Lord Guillliman, please try and keep the esteemed Belisarius Cawl away from the gene-seed vaults. It's the third time this month he has tried getting in "for science".

We already have enough bureaucratic messes with the so called Sons of the Phoenix we don't need more suspicious chapters out there

I absolutely agree with you and I have continuously forbidden him from doing anything with the gene-seeds that was not agreed upon.

However, he has not returned my calls in several years.

[roboute-guilliman]

I am going to attach C4 and PENT to your windows and they are going to SHATTER.

*hears muffled explosion outside*

What? I think anon just exploded themselves on our reinforced windows

[roboute-guilliman]

You are absolutely right.

I am so glad my ship's windows have been mended and none of my sons are floating through the void anymore. Also we reinforced the windows.

[roboute-guilliman]

My lord can I please please come back from the emperium. I left to join slaneesh because they were straight balling but to mine utmost shock it's actually very frightening over here. I hope this message finds you soon cause I'm hiding rn and OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD EMPEROR THEY FOUND ME. THEYRE GONNA TAKE ME BACK TO THE JELQING CHAMBER GOD PLEASE. PLEASE LET ME BACK IN THE EMPIRE

Okay everyone. This is what happens if you fall in with chaos. So, please watch out and take this anon's sacrifice seriously, for it showed you the truth.

Also, we can't take anyone back who thinks chaos is "straight balling" due to chaos taint risk.

[roboute-guilliman]

Lord Guilliman, I do very much recommend giving Commander Dante some sort of vacation time. I know that the Imperium is at stake here but he has been both quietly and violently cussing you out since you gave him that promotion.

I fear that any off-time would finally send him to the grave. Responsibility is the only thing keeping that man alive

[roboute-guilliman]

Hey do you think it's fucked up that the Emperor made four of your brothers bald?

Yes. I think it's even more fucked up that 3 of them turned out to be evil. And this isn't even counting the second Alpharius, Perturabo and Angron. Vulkan really beat the odds.

[roboute-guilliman]

Hi, I'm shy.

I wanted to say you are very handsome.

I wish you a very good day.

🦎

Thank you. I hope you have a good day, too.

[roboute-guilliman]

I am so glad my ship's windows have been mended and none of my sons are floating through the void anymore. Also we reinforced the windows.

[roboute-guilliman]

You are still getting cleaning duty until we make the next orbit, son.

Sir, I also have been jettisoned from the ship… help. I’m floating farther away.

Okay. Okay. Even when I am disappointed, I cannot stay too mad at my sons. We shall get brother candyswirlius back from the void.

[roboute-guilliman]

what's the bathing situation in the armour of fate. I know regular astartes smell rancid but the plauge marines u were fighting mustve mistaken you for one of their own

I have trained my body to be able to take the armour of fate off, so it is perfectly fine, even before we embarked on fighting the Death Guard. Before then, I shall not answer.

[roboute-guilliman]

Sir, I also have been jettisoned from the ship… help. I’m floating farther away.

Okay. Okay. Even when I am disappointed, I cannot stay too mad at my sons. We shall get brother candyswirlius back from the void.

[roboute-guilliman]

Ultramarine Attacks!

By Yigit Koroglu