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roxygeeks95 · 27 days ago

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"so, seventeen months," ichigo started almost softly if it weren't for the deliquent-ish note on his voice.

he noticed a small tug on rukia's lips as he sat beside her, his longs legs hanging rather pathetically in the air. "seventeen months, indeed," this and her calm and composed voice being the only answer she offered.

ichigo was gauging. rukia's probably already noticed, as she usually did.

sitting by her side on that rooftop was the closer he felt to her in all those months apart. she did stab him with his powers again, yes, but as meaningful as it was, that wasn't what actually drawed ichigo to her. sharing lunchtime at school, ice skating and watching the sun sets on desert rooftops after slaying hollows; yeah. these are the moments that made them so... attached. for lack of a better word.

ichigo shifted on his seat as a familiar, yet greatly annoying discomfort set even deeper roots inside his chest. he lifted one of his legs and rested his foot on the surfice, leisurely letting his leg fall to the side.

ichigo wanted to say something. and rukia probably already noticed that too, because she always did — the small puff that left her mouth and the cocked eyebrow were everything ichigo needed to know that she knew. yet, her face remained soft, calm, patient.

rukia wouldn't push him. she never did.

he couldn't think of another time he was so ungrateful for that.

"so," he started, uncertain. rukia didn't look in his direction; her eyes were closed and she seemed to be enjoying the fresh breeze that made her short hair — shorter than when they parted — fly by the wind. ichigo schooled his face into a nonchalant expression, gesturing vaguely with his hand as he spat the question before he could give it any second thoughs, "why didn't you visit?"

from his peripherals, ichigo watched. rukia didn't flinch or moved, but she did open her eyes. he couldn't tell exactly what she was looking at from this angle, only that she was facing forward.

"i figured you'd have a lot to adjust to in your new life," she shrugged, "you've always wanted to be a normal human, so i just assumed you wouldn't miss the spiritual mess you had to deal with."

at that, ichigo turned and looked at her. she was indeed facing forward, but her eyes seemed lost. he scowled at her words. ichigo did said — repeteadly, even — that he had never wanted those powers; that he longed to be just a regular, normal high school kid with ordinary and futile worries.

rukia wasn't entirely wrong. it was, however, a half truth. she knew it, so ichigo went on and accused her anyways, "liar." his voice was trained dismissively and he waved a hand.

that finally draw rukia's eyes to him. "how would i be lying?" her answer and her voice were terribly cocky and as much as ichigo missed their familiar and comfortable banter, it still succeded in making his blood slightly hot. annoying midget.

he shot her his most sincere gaze, though his eyes gave away his bottled up whatever-it-is he has been feeling ever since he woke up in a world he wasn't a shinigami.

"tch," part of his frustration melted. ichigo ran his hand exasperatly through his hair. when he looked at rukia again, he must've been softer, because she seemed slightly surprised. "you know that's not the truth. not entirely, at least," and the softness on his voice also surprised him when he spoke.

a long moment of silence fell between them. rukia swung her legs leisurely in the air; ichigo looked away from her and faced the almost fully set sun. their silences had always been comfortable; that one was no exception. still, he felt there still were things left unsaid that needed — or at least, should — be said.

he bumped her softly with his raised knee, letting it fall slightly against her arm before retreating it. "c'mon, tell me, rukia. no more secrets, remember?," ichigo cowardly invoked the promise ukitake had made to him regarding soul society, but since the shinigami was an active member, he decided it wasn't too farfetched to stretch it around.

rukia shot him a glare and ichigo prepared for the blow that never came. instead, he heard her heartly chuckle. that made him look at her even more aggravated than if she had actually hit him.

"i missed it," she started, softly. "i missed... everything that comes with you. the human world, human friends, human family. i missed the bad parts too," she smile fondly, nostalgic, and then her voice was teasing-like, exactly how it used to be before, "like dealing with your awful temper and your tendency to disobey every and any order." she shot him a shit-eating grin and poked his side with her elbow. ichigo scowled, but it was gone as quickly as it came.

"i missed all those things very deeply and very achingly." rukia didn't dare to look into his eyes as she spoke next, and ichigo felt a little relieved for that. his hand twitched in a fist where it rested against the concrete. "i couldn't even imagine how it must've felt for you," she left the all powerless and defenseless unspoken, and for that he was greatly thankful.

"i didn't wish to... i couldn't bring myself to make this any harder for you. so i stayed back and made the people back in soul society do that as well." rukia's voice was laced in pain, a small resemblance from when her brother kidnapped her. it feels like decades ago. "i figured you'd eventually forget about it all. or maybe... just get used to it."

silence fell upon them once again. it wasn't uncomfortable, but it wasn't his favorite either.

eventually, she chuckled fondly again. ichigo cast her a questioning look and she fixes her gaze on her swinging feet, her voice soft and melancholic and even amused all the same, "well, you clearly didn't."

ichigo tried to make himself annoyed at that, but he found that he couldn't. so, he settles for chuckling back and staring tenderly at the spot between his hand and hers in the concrete.

"yeah, i suppose i didn't." he shook his head, trying to will away the dumb smile plastered on his lips. he found he also couldn't bring himself to do that one. stupid pygmy, though his inner voice didn't sound annoyed at all. "i would've visited you, you know? were it you," ichigo couldn't bite back the small note of hurt from his voice.

"i wouldn't want you to," rukia lied, and ichigo clenched his fist again. "if i was the one to lose everything, you're the last person i'd ever want to see."

at that, ichigo scowled again. "bullshit," he lost his patience. when was rukia ever learning she wasn't allowed... no, scratch that, she couldn't fucking lie to him. "cut the crap, rukia. i don't have alzheimer's. i remember very clearly how you looked at me when we met at that bridge." she looked at him confused, head tilted to the side, until realisation hit her. rukia's face colored a pretty shade of pink, but her eyes gleamed warmly. "yeah, that's right. all hopeful and longing when i busted in soul society for you," ichigo allowed his voice to raise cocky, which earned him a warning glare from the shinigami. "don't lie to me. you should know by now that you can't, not anymore," he smirked smugly, even, and was rewarded with a sharp hit of her elbow.

"ouch," the complaint was half honest. rukia never hit him if it wasn't meant to hurt at least slightly. guess it serves me right this time. ichigo rubbed his side but grinned widely to her. "you know i'm right," he added in a light voice, hoping it wouldn't end in another blow to his still tender body from the whole fullbringer ordeal.

luckily, rukia only chuckled and turned her gaze to him. "i'll give you that one," she complies, begrudgingly. then, her lips are curved in a melancholic smile. "but you should know, ichigo. i have responsibilities back at soul society. i have family, a place where i belong."

ichigo hums thoughtfully. as usual, rukia was right. she couldn't drop everything and live freely in the world of the living with him.

she must've been expecting a negative reaction from him, if the startled look on her face was any indication when he spoke, light and boyish, "i know, i know. you put a lot of weight on your shoulders, you know?," ichigo waved his hand again, earning a confused look from her. "when did i ever say i wanted you to leave everything behind?" rukia seemed like she was about to protest, so ichigo continued before she could, "i did respect your wishes when i rescued you, right? you wanted to stay in soul society. when you told me, i immediatly disliked the idea. but i've always been aware that you have a place to belong to. i could never ask you that."

rukia opened and closed her mouth several times. ichigo couldn't hold back the prideful sensation at leaving her, the woman who must always have the final word, speechless. he smirked, victorious, and rukia shot him another warning glare.

"i guess that's exactly why i felt so beaten down when i lost it all," he added, after some consideration.

rukia looked into his face again. that gaze she threw him — expectant, inquiring, almost indignant — always made him both nervous and annoyed.

"don't you have your life here, too?," her voice was just as petulant as her eyes. ichigo dwelled whether to shut her mouth somehow or make that look go away from her face. "your family, your friends. a future, too."

ichigo snorted bitterly. "yeah, well. it turns out none of this matters. haven't mattered ever since you first gave me your powers." the offended quiver on her lips had him continuing speaking in no time, before she could interrupt and lecture him. "it's the damn truth, rukia. pretty or not. right or wrong. i've never belonged here. look the fuck around— the old goat has his powers back, my sisters are well adjusted, most of my friends can defend themselves. the ones who can't are safer if i'm not around to attract all the bullshit i seem to be involved and not even being aware of it!," he bursted out, he knew it, but rukia didn't seem to be affected.

ichigo panted slightly and closed his eyes, clenching his fists at his sides. "this, rukia? this isn't a place that i've ever belonged to. i'm an abnormality. i am dangerous to humans." the shinigami stared at him with a softness he almost didn't dare to recognize. "in soul society, i could be. i had a role, i had the means to do what i've always wanted, but couldn't until you walked into my room, two years ago. i could protect. i could train, and get stronger, and do what i was always meant to do — to protect."

ichigo didn't realize he had raised his voice. he didn't even realize he had stopped looking at rukia as he spoke. with the slightest of embarassments, ichigo recognized he was speaking mostly to himself during his little rant.

still, rukia only watched him in silent understanding. ichigo dared to face her again; her wide purple eyes were full of empathy, as they always were. her smile was a compassionate one and she touched his cheek affectionately. it was the first she had ever touched him like that, he realized, and the thought spread a hot heat on his cheeks.

"i'm sorry i didn't get to understand what it meant to you sooner." he leaned into her touch, the rest of the anger melting away with her words. "soul society is not the same without you either," she offers as a great secret, and ichigo's chest tighten.

ichigo allows himself a few more moments in the comfort of the soft touch of her hand, none of them long enough. still, he finds he'll be incapable of speaking as long as rukia keeps touching him, so he gently removes her hand from his face. she understdands — as she always does —, and rests it on her lap.

"it's okay," he looks into the sky again. the sun had fully set in the horizon, but it was still too early for any of the stars. "i know there's a place i'll belong to, in the future," it's a consolation prize, he knows, but it's the best he'll get as long as he belongs to the living.

beside him, rukia chuckles softly. he casts her a glaze, wondering if she's choosing now to try and taunt him. he's delighted to find he couldn't be more wrong.

"you fool, it is already yours." she shakes her head, smiling a knowing grin. "it's only waiting for you, and it'll wait for as long as it is needed."

ichigo gasp, though he doesn't know what surprises him. rukia was, after all, the one that made the rain stop.

twice, now.

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