s3ror0ki

[s3ror0ki]

i just need my whitney i miss you girl

[s3ror0ki]

idk what’s wrong with my mom today. she like aggravated and it acting like she hates me or is angry at me for smth. i honestly don’t know what i did to her she started acting like this when i said i wanted to live on campus yesterday and has been angry at me since. she is lowk yelling at me in front of these kids and i can’t seem to understand what i did to her but i know if i were to come out upset she would start talking about “oh if your upset now, how are you supposed to live on campus if you aggravated at the simplest things?” like could you back off for like two secs. idk if she is joking or not cause everytime i look at her she rolls her eyes and makes a snarl face which she has been doing since yesterday. i think she just might be on her period and made a joke earlier asking “if it was her time of the month?” and j do understand it was mean but i was hoping she would like jokingly agree so i can understand stand why she is mad at me. but she just rolled her eyes and looked annoyed at me again. this is honestly why i want to live on campus so i don’t have to deal with this like almost everyday like i’m sorry

[s3ror0ki]

whenever i’ve done something good, my inner monologue registers it in the first/sometimes second person always using I,me, you, and your cause it’s something i accomplished on my own.. but when i’m feeling self conscious or made a bad choice it’s solely in the second person as if a another person is critiquing me and blaming me.

[s3ror0ki]

that man in my window doesn’t think i know he’s there but i do so jokes on him

[s3ror0ki]

i’m gonna be gross on here for a sec (when am i not). but whenever i like goon and shower and stuff, i think im giving content for the man in my attic to record. which is why i have to stare at the vent whenever i do any of that cause i think my prolonged eye contact will make him delete the footage and will ward away any of the deep web freaks he was gonna show it to. especially if it daytime. i don’t feel this at night mostly but i don’t think he has a night vision camera so i think i’m safe

[s3ror0ki]

to my friends, i’m sorry i enforce my superstitions on to y’all. like splitting the pole and stepping on cracks/lines in the ground. if i do it then i think i get bad luck the rest of the day and that builds up until eventually i die. i genuinely can’t help it. i’m sorry i make y’all do it cause i think the worse will happen to you which is so evil of me to think i’m sorry

[s3ror0ki]

it genuinely surprises me when we still have bottles in our house. like!! i thought you drunks would’ve have dranken it already!! good for you!!

[s3ror0ki]

i slit my own throat just to see if you’d mourn me, yeah

[s3ror0ki]

i’ve accepted the fact i’ll always believe there is a man in my attic recording me i’ve come to live with him

[s3ror0ki]

i haven’t gotten drunk and/or high yet this month and i need to REALLY BADLY and fucking maybe every weekend from now on. PLEASEEEE FOURTH OF JULY PLEASEEE

[s3ror0ki]

making big moves

[s3ror0ki]

crying over the state of the world for women

[s3ror0ki]

i need a BIG bottle of pink whitney or tito’s BADDDD

[s3ror0ki]

i feel so disgusted with myself. all week since my friends left i have done nothing but eat and lay in bed all day everyday for the past week. i just feel so gross i haven’t done my laundry the past couple of days and i’ve been showering everyday for the past week and i can’t seem to rub wtv dirt this is off of me i hate it. i feel dirty all the time, i feel i stink and genuinely feel like i have a green aura and flies around me but no matter what i do i just can’t seem to wash wtv filth is attached to me. i’m pretty sure i’m going crazy or going back into my covid mind and i just can’t wipe away the feeling there is someone watching me through my windows or somehow sneaks into my room late at night to watch me. i just feel gross and honestly sorry for whoever is cause why would you wanna watch me of all people. and the thoughts i have in the back of my brain just make me feel 10x worse cause i know all of my friends would think i’m some gross monster. i genuinely think i need some professional help.

[s3ror0ki]

Oh ok so it turns out ive been borrowing grief from the future ! it turns out ive been preparing to lose the things i love rather than basking in the light of them while they last. Maybe i should nt do that

[s3ror0ki]

i don’t think i’ll live to see past the age of 19

[s3ror0ki]

if you ever feel bad about your self feel disgusting cause you haven’t showered in like a day, just know i was in such a state of paranoia and like fear and lowk maybe a little crazy i didn’t shower for like two week cause i believed my classmates had some how put cameras into my into my house and would watch me. record and save these said footage and then show it around to others. and also believed the characters i were talking to were always watching me. like i will imagine characters from my current fav show in different places around room/house and they would watch me do everyday task and will talk with them. which is why i couldn’t shower cause in my mind once they see me they will make fun of me and they have. this was like also during covid so like yea. just a little funnfact