sablewick

[sablewick]

It's a long slow path to getting what you want

It's a long slow path to getting what you want (3289 words) by Sablewick Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Stargate SG-1, Stargate Atlantis, Stargate - All Media Types Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Cameron Mitchell/John Sheppard Characters: Cameron Mitchell (Stargate), John Sheppard Additional Tags: Miscommunication, Angst, Post Season 5, Asexuality, Established Relationship, Misunderstandings Summary: Sheppard struggles to figure himself out. He wants to keep Cam but he knows he's going about it in the wrong way because he can't manage to get over his hang ups. Set after Atlantis lands on Earth.

Sunlight filtered down through one of Atlantis many stained glass windows. It reached across the floor, illuminating the dust particles in the air. It turned Cam's hair golden and lit up all the fuzz that adorned his bare skin.

"You have to try," Cam said, turning his face towards the light, turning away from John. "You can't be like this, you can't stop trying."

John looked up at him from the corner, his eyes dead, his hands clutched in his hair. "Cam…" he whispered so quietly that it barely carried across the room. "Cam, I can't. I don't know…I'm just…" He watched Cam's shoulder's slump minutely. "Please, Cam."

Cam didn't look back. He was gone.

John rewound the recording and watched it again. And again.

He didn't know how to get Cam to stay.

"Where were you earlier?" Rodney glanced at the control crystal in his hand, quickly discarding it and picking a different one up off the ground.

"What?" John said, distractedly, his eyes scanning the bushes at the edge of the clearing, P-90 held at the ready. It was great knowing they weren't about to be ambushed by wraith but it was weird being back on the Milky Way rotation. The planets were just that little bit different, the people a little less skittish. It was nice to be there with his actual team though. It was familiar, grounding.

"Earlier, where were you?" Rodney said. "We wanted you to look at the, ahh," he made a hand waving motion. "You know, the modifications we made to jumper one, I made some adjustments."

John fidgeted slightly. "What modifications?"

"You know, with the shield." He stopped what he was doing in order to explain himself properly.

John waved him off. "Just, tell me later. We need this fixed."

Rodney turned back to the device. "We were working on making the switch more-"

"Later, Rodney." John twitched his gun up, seeing movement in the trees. It was just Teyla though, back from her patrol. She shook her head slightly before slipping back into the foliage. There was thankfully still no sign of the planet's occupants.

Half an hour later Rodney dusted off his hands and replaced the crystal tray. "I'm done." He said, gathering up the spare crystals.

John nodded then flagged Ronon down, indicating that they should head back to the gate. "Let's go."

"So," Rodney rubbed his hands together. "Where were you earlier? Please tell me you aren't still ghosting Mitchell."

John watched morosely as Cam rolled off the bed, stood up and pulled his shirt back on. He stood there, facing the door, waiting for John to speak. Waiting to see what he'd say.

John didn't say anything.

So Cam left.

John asked Atlantis to rewind the image and sat there watching Cam leave again and again.

He still didn't know.

How were these things supposed to work?

"Colonel." Lorne nodded as he walked in the door and waved his hand in what could loosely be termed a salute. "You want me to take the new recruits out tomorrow?"

John turned to face him curiously. "Yes?" He said hopefully.

Lorne rolled his eyes. "Sir, the new SGC members are on site. Majority of the kids have the ATA. You said you wanted them in Puddle Jumpers straight away."

John held up his data pad to show that he was already taking care of the supplies. "Yeah, and pair them up with some of the scientists and see if you can't get some of this stuff cleared out." He waved a hand at the stacks of Ancient gizmos that were piled up around his desk.

Lorne nodded. "I'll send some people to move your stuff back to your old office then?"

John smiled ruefully. "Yeah."

Lorne smirked back. "You do know that if you told them to keep it all down at the lab and just mentioned that you'd drop in sometime they'd stop giving them to you."

"Yeah," John dropped the data pad back on his desk, sending a stack of labelled artifacts tumbling to the floor. "They just look so hopeful when they're handing it over. And you know, they're always so insistent about it."

Lorne laughed at him. "I'll send out a note to remind them that you're not the only one with the ATA."

John flicked through the recorded images, pausing to remind himself of moments but unable to make himself watch entire sequences. He chucked the remote at his bed and growled in frustration, pacing back and forth in his tiny room. Then he asked Atlantis to choose.

He flopped down near the window to watch it.

Atlantis liked to show him this image. That or the machine was busted and it's ability to randomise the collection was fucked. It always chose the moment where Cam was wandering about John's room.

He'd stand ‘at ease' in front of the window, then wander to the few photo's John had on the side table. He'd check where John was up to in War and Peace then flop down onto John's bed. He'd go to tuck his hands beneath the pillow but pause when his fingers would catch on soft cloth.

He'd sit up again, tugging the shirt from beneath the bedcovers, a look of recognition would pass across his face, then surprise. He'd flip it around and check the size, wrap his fingers around it and sit it reverently in his lap.

He'd hold it for a moment, faint surprise clearly visible on his face. Then the corners of his eyes would crinkle and a smile would creep across his face. He'd snort and shake his head, chuckle to himself and bury his face in the shirt for a second before folding it roughly, but carefully tucking it away again.

Then he'd sit there waiting for John to show up, not even trying to hide his smile.

John knew what he was seeing even if he didn't believe it entirely. And he knew that this (whatever ‘this' was) was what Cam kept wanting him to say. This is what Cam wanted him to admit. This is what Cam was waiting for in words - words that John wasn't sure he'd ever really have.

This was why Cam was still waiting for him.

This was why Cam would probably always be waiting for him.

This was probably why Cam didn't mind the wait; the whole situation was already bleeding obvious.

The image of Cam vanished as the doors slid open revealing a somewhat amused looking Teyla dressed in her Athosian clothing.

"Have you finished hiding, John." She smiled serenely when John looked at her, startled. "I do not wish to intrude, but I'd noticed a certain level of avoidance recently, and I was just wondering if I needed to contact a certain Lietenent Colonel-"

"No." John interjected.

"-Cameron Mitchell in order to…are you sure?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

John shook his head. "I'm sure."

"You're fine to go and pick him up tonight then."

"What?"

"You're not hiding anymore?"

"I wasn't hiding in the first place."

Teyla held up the mobile phone she'd been graced with upon Atlantis' arrival in the San Francisco Bay. "Because I would've called him to cancel for you if you were. But since you're not, he said he'd be ready by seven and that you should wear something casual."

John looked at her blankly, trying very hard not to reveal the fact that his heart was doing something rather unusual in his chest. "We have an early mission tomorrow, remember, I'll call him and let him know."

Teyla pocketed the phone as he reached for it and turned to go back out the door again. "I think you'll find it's been post-poned." She smiled again. "You should go…'hang out.' I think Cameron is in need of your company tonight."

John laughed nervously. "He didn't…you…he wouldn't tell you…he wouldn't say…" He tried to start the sentence again, and then rephrase it, but the words still didn't come out.

She shook her head at him fondly. "John, I've had much practice in interpreting what people intend to say but fail to do so." She touched his arm before walking out the door. "Give him my love." She said, and was gone before John could protest again.

The image of Cam reappeared as the doors slid shut and John turned to stare at it while he fished his own phone out of his dresser drawer and dialled Cam's number.

He picked up before the phone could ring twice and John couldn't help smiling as Cam's warm voice drawled in his ear. "So, I hear you're coming to save me from IOA meetings and infinite boredom."

John chuckled. "As long as you're providing the beer."

Cam groaned a little. "I'll provide way more than that, get your arse over here. Steal a Puddle Jumper if you have to."

John bit his lip and snorted. "And you say I can't keep my fool mouth shut."

"I was referring to food, Colonel. Now hurry it up."

John kicked off his boots and went in search of some pants.

John was waiting in Cam's office, standing awkwardly near the desk when Cam loped into the room. He hadn't wanted to wait outside because standing in the hallway would look weird. But he hadn't wanted to make himself look too comfortable either.

Cam wouldn't have minded, he really wouldn't. It probably would've made the situation ten times easier to deal with if Shepard had just draped himself over Cam's office chair and pretended like he owned the place. It would've gone a long way towards making them both more relaxed.

But Shepard had too much rejection weighing him down. No matter how much his head tried to convince himself Cam would just find it highly amusing, he was still afraid of Cam walking in and frowning at him. Of Cam being displeased. Of Cam saying things were fine but proving that they weren't in every little action and expression.

Of Cam turning away and leaving him, again. Because Sheppard couldn't be who he needed.

The fight was still lingering in John's mind, exacerbated by how many times he'd watched the recording of Cam walking out on him. Was it self flagellation? Or preparation for when Cam finally left him for good?

Cam greeted him with a bright, if hesitant, smile. "So what kind of hungry are you, steak and chips or all you can eat pizza?" He gave Shepard the once over before looking him in the eyes but Sheppard must've been giving high level fuck off vibes because he quickly looked away again. He didn't reach for Sheppard or try to touch him, just whipped around to the other side of his desk to pack up his things and then stood politely at the door while he waited for Sheppard to exit.

Sheppard tried to calm himself down, cursing himself for letting his nerves show. He could feel the chasm of space between them widening as they made their way through the checkpoints and up to ground level. He shouldn't have come, he knew this is what it would be like. But Cam had sounded so normal over the phone, and Teyla had implied everything was all good so John had pushed his anxiety down and gone with it.

But he wasn't over it. He hadn't sorted himself out enough to be normal. He was pushing Cam away when all he wanted was to be close to him.

Cam was always the one to initiate. Cam was always the one who pushed for everything. Cam was the one who put things into words and waited for John's yes or no before taking action. But Cam was also very good at interpreting body language and whenever John was even slightly antsy Cam didn't touch him at all.

John hadn't managed to find the words to explain that Cam's actions were the exact opposite of what he wanted. That's why he always waited until he was over it. His anxiety made Cam back away, which made John even more anxious and it was just awful.

They made their way to the car in silence. John could feel Cam watching him and he desperately tried to think of a topic of conversation to distract him, but nothing came to mind. Everything would be just as awkward as the silence.

Cam drove, becoming increasingly more fidgety as they approached the restaurant. When they rolled up in front of it, he turned off the car leaving the keys in the ignition. He folded his hands in his lap.

"It's ok, you know." He didn't look at John while he spoke. "If you don't want to go out, I can drop you back, it's no big deal."

That wasn't what John wanted. He didn't want to go out, but he didn't want to go back to Atlantis, either. "No." He grimaced, looking over at Cam apologetically.

Cam shrugged. "We could grab something and go back to mine."

Sheppard's heart sunk. That usually meant sex. Which he didn't want right now, but he did want affection and sex would definitely help with that so he slumped casually against the car door and smirked over at Cam.

Cam ducked his head, smiling, and opened the door. "Ok then," he drawled. "I'll be right back."

If Sheppard didn't know better he'd think Cam was disappointed.

Cam was a lot more jolly on the way back to his place, and John found it easier to play the part. Flirting, laughing, dropping innuendo. By the time they'd eaten and cleaned up after themselves John was feeling almost normal. The anxiety rushed back over him as soon as Cam leaned over to kiss him. And when Cam pulled him to his feet, intent on taking him to the bedroom it was like Sheppard lost the ability to operate. He tried kissing Cam again to get himself going, but it was like there was suddenly nothing there. Nothing between them.

Cam pulled away. "Now look," he said. "You make yourself pretty hard to read, and I'm as thick as two planks in that department, but even I can tell you're not into this right now."

Sheppard froze, his eyes fixed on Cam's shoulder, unable to force himself to respond.

Cam had never called him out before. Was this it? Was this the end? He could feel Cam's eyes roving over him as he let Sheppard go. That's the way he and Nancy had ended.

"You're never around and when you are you don't even want me," she'd said.

Had Sheppard run out of free passes in that department? How many times could you turn someone down before they stopped asking altogether and left?

It had been so much easier when they'd been living in different galaxies. Infrequent visits meant less time together meant Sheppard was happy to get whatever he could and if it was too much he knew he was going to be gone soon.

Atlantis sticking around on Earth was the worst thing that had ever happened. Which was stupid. Because you were supposed to want more time with your…significant other. Which Sheppard did, he absolutely did. He'd never let Cam go if he could manage it. He just didn't want to have sex with him. Not as frequently as it seemed to be expected of him, anyway. He didn't want to be just friends though, either. The thought of Cam going off to fall in love with someone else hollowed out his insides. He didn't want to lose him.

He absolutely dreaded the thought. He'd been dreading it for months. Because that's what was happening. Things had steadily been going down hill since he'd arrived back.

Did they even need to have a conversation about it at this point? Was there any way he could convince Cam that they weren't done? The only thing John could think of was Cam telling him he should never stop trying.

"Is it ok if I just hold you?" The words were out before Sheppard even realised he'd said them. And before he could berate himself over them, Cam was back in his arms and pulling him in close.

It took a minute, but Sheppard managed to force himself to relax into the hold, resting his head against Cam's shoulder and breathing him in deep. It wasn't long before Cam's hands started roaming again though and he started shuffling them towards the bed.

John stiffened when Cam reached for the hem of his shirt. "I don't want…"

"No sex, just sleep."

"Sorry."

Cam toed off his boots and shucked his pants. "It's ok. Sometimes I don't either. You've just got to say so to clue me in."

John had no idea how to explain that less sex would be preferable. No partner wanted to hear that. John was pretty sure even he'd be worried if Cam suddenly started refusing him. He seemed ok with it right now though, so Sheppard kissed him. Cam let it happen and then pushed him down onto the bed, crawling across him to get to the other side. As soon as he flopped down, he folded himself around Sheppard, pressing him into the mattress the same way he did when they'd just slept together except the touching continued, long and slow.

He slid his hand all the way up Sheppard's spine, burying his fingers in his hair, then gently scraped his fingernails over Sheppard's scalp over and over again. There was no teasing, no searching for erogenous zones, none of this was going anywhere. Sheppard's instinct was to make it go somewhere just to get that part over and done with, but Cam said no sex and Sheppard trusted him to mean it, so Sheppard relaxed and let himself enjoy it.

John had expected they would lie down and go to sleep, but this was way better. How did Cam even know to do this? Had he been angling for it all along and John had just misinterpreted his actions? It was very intimate. John could see how he probably would've freaked out if Cam had instigated something like this early in their relationship. He probably would've run away and never looked back. It was kind of a lot.

Now though, he felt like he couldn't get enough. Having Cam so close, feeling the weight of him, his firm but gentle touch, it made his chest ache. John drew him into a kiss again because he didn't know what else to do about it.

He wasn't sure how long it lasted but when Cam's hands finally stilled John was feeling completely blissed out. He tried to figure out how tell Cam what he felt without instigating something he didn't want and realised this was probably what words were for.

He wondered if Cam would ever say them.

He wondered if he ever could.

They woke with their limbs still entangled, their heads on separate pillows. John turned to look at Cam and found him staring, already wide awake. He had that expression on his face, the one that meant he was holding something back. John was pretty sure he knew what it meant but he wasn't entirely sure he was ready to hear it.

It was weird, knowing that it was true; Cam loved him, but at the same time being unable to believe it. He was really screwed up.

John reached out and slid his hand into Cam's, lacing their fingers together. He stared back at him as he pressed his lips to Cam's knuckles.

"I'm trying," he said. "And I won't stop."

Hopefully that would be enough.

[sablewick]

Roughhousing

Roughhousing (1247 words) by Sablewick Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Stargate SG-1, Stargate Atlantis, Stargate Universe Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Cameron Mitchell/John Sheppard Characters: Cameron Mitchell (Stargate), John Sheppard Additional Tags: Pre-Relationship, Roughhousing, Miscommunication Summary: Cam drags John to the homestead for Thanksgiving during their academy days. John Cam Thing-a-thon (ages ago) Prompt: Play fighting For ninja_hamsters

The Mitchell household seemed to hold more people than any other building John had ever been in. Immediate family, extended family, distant relatives and, like him, random friends who'd been roped into the road trip back to the homestead for the weekend.

In the ten minutes it took him to transfer his duffle from the car to the living room, he'd met 15 different people, two of which were babies. And more of them were appearing out of doorways and wandering off to the back yard. John suspected he could start opening cupboards and he'd find people stashed in there. Cam's estimate of ‘a few people' was clearly way off the mark. It was like a village was descending on the Mitchell House.

"So, who's sleeping in the barn?" John had muttered jokingly to Cam when they'd rocked up and immediately been roped into bonfire preparations with ten other guys.

He'd been somewhat bemused when Cam had replied: "I think it's Vick's turn this time around, or it might be Tommy's. Don't worry about it though, you'll be in my room."

Then they'd gone off to pitch tents on the front lawn.

Dinner was a massive affair with the ladies in the kitchen for hours and the men outside carefully cultivating the bonfire, setting up old plough discs and portable grates for steaks and sausages and, most importantly, a rotisserie with a couple of turkeys impaled on it. Everyone ate outside perched on garden furniture and camp chairs with paper plates and wooden cutlery that all went into the bonfire when people had finished eating.

By the time the smores were out and doing the rounds, they were half way through the evening and John had met so many new people that he was beginning to forget people's names; something that had never happened to him even at his father's function dinners (and at those he usually actively avoided people and made to run off half way through the night) He could feel the familiar panic setting in, that horrible social awkwardness that usually accompanied him in crowded environments and he scanned the faces lit up by the orange glow of the fire trying to find a reassuring smile from Cam.

He had no such luck though as Cam was engrossed in conversation with an elderly man that John had mistaken for Great Aunt Betty earlier in the night. (Honest to God, it was an easy mistake to make) And with both his bonfire neighbours occupied with other people, John, feeling somewhat overwhelmed and a little isolated, ducked away from the fire and wandered back towards the house, intending to find his car and sit in it.

Cam had apparently been waiting for this to happen, though, as when John was navigating his way across the back lawn trying not to trip over the hose or the children's toys that littered the grass, Cam came hurtling out of the darkness and tackled him to the ground.

John's first reaction was to fight back violently, but he froze when he heard Cam's familiar laughter.

"What the hell, Cam?" John punched him in the arm.

"Owe, you bastard." Cam leapt on top of him again, rolling him over in the grass. John made an aborted attempt to throw him off, trying to figure out what was going on. Cam clearly wasn't trying to hurt him, but he wasn't going to let him up, either. And he kept digging his fingers into John's ribs seeming especially pleased when John jerked away.

"C'mon, Shepard. Show me what you've got." Cam grinned down at him, tickling him again, and John's natural urge to compete took over and he started to fight back, still somewhat confused as to what this was supposed to mean.

They tussled for a couple of minutes, throwing harmless taunts back and forth. Pinning each other, breaking holds and tickling each other whenever they had a hand free.

It ended in a fit of pained laughter when John accidentally clipped Cam in the jaw with his elbow. Cam rolled onto his back, exhausted and panting, working his jaw up and down to test out the pain.

John propped himself up on an elbow, looking down at him in the dim light.

"Sorry," he grinned, clearly not meaning it. It was his own fault anyway, for jumping him in the dark.

Cam swung an arm out, trying to get him in a headlock, but John ducked away easily.

He refrained from retaliating though, looking down at Cam with a crooked smile instead.

"I win?"

Cam snorted. "I think I'm justified in calling foul play." He jerked away as John prodded him in the ribs.

A voice drifted out of the darkness, startling them. Then Cam's younger brother wandered into view along with a couple of cousins. "Who's playing foul?"

"Cam." John said immediately, then scooted out of the way as Cam was suddenly buried underneath a mountain of guys all crying stacks on. John laughed at Cam's muffled complaints, but it only took them a few moments to decide that John was worth punishing as well, rolling off a groaning Cam and leaping up to tear after John.

It turned into an impromptu game of what appeared to be football without the ball, but was actually a game of who could tackle who the most times. Of which neither Cam or John was the winner.

Later that night, lying on a mattress on Cam's floor, John contemplated the friendly bruising the roughhousing had caused. It seemed to be something that they were all familiar with, rolling around in the grass and messing with each other. Something that John could never imagine getting up to with his cousin's.

He'd found it unusual that they were all so happy afterwards, laughing and ribbing each other for failed attacks and boasting about spectacular tackles. He was especially confused when Cam had pulled him into a hug afterwards, grinning wildly and ruffling his hair. He'd thought that Cam was annoyed with him for trying to skip out on the party, hence the attack. But apparently this was some form of communication that his somewhat more posh upbringing hadn't deigned to educate him in.

It was something that John now realised that Cam had tentatively tried to start before, but John had never picked up on. Something which had confused John up until tonight. All the times Cam had randomly decided to shove John off the lounge, or tip him off the bed, pinched his blankets or snatched food directly off his plate, what John had thought was Cam being a bit of a bully, was, in actual fact, Cam trying to play. It was Cam's way of testing him and learning about him, and strangely enough, showing that he cared.

Which was why, years later, (after Cam had started chasing Ori and John was off trekking through another galaxy trying to avoid having his life sucked away by ugly looking space Vampires) John didn't take it too badly when his newly acquired, very angry Satedan friend insisted on hitting him with things, a lot.

He'd groaned about it to Cam, who'd just laughed at him and complained about the fact that he would never in his life be able to beat Teal'c. Then he'd teased John about getting old.

And just for that, next time John was on Earth, he was going to tackle Cam, and show him just how young he still was.

[sablewick]

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[sablewick]

I'll take any time with you

I'll take any time with you (1612 words) by Sablewick Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Stargate SG-1, Stargate Atlantis, Stargate - All Media Types Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Cameron Mitchell/John Sheppard Characters: Cameron Mitchell (Stargate), John Sheppard Additional Tags: Taxes, Domestic, Established Relationship, math geek, Fluff Summary: John shows up unexpectedly whilst Cam is trying to get his taxes done and Cam realises some things about their relationship.

Cam Mitchell was sitting at the kitchen table, tax forms and payment slips spread out in front of him, the most relevant sheets propped up against the salt shaker and the serviette holder.  He chewed absently on the end of his pen as he read the information applicable to the current question he was trying to answer, then glanced at the sheet in his hand trying to find the information it was looking for.  Not finding it, he preceded to shuffle through the stacks sitting either side of him, muttering to himself as he did so.

He glanced up for a moment as John Sheppard wandered into the kitchen, barefoot and clad in nothing but yesterdays jeans, but went back to his search for appropriate forms instead of making use of the oh so very distracting distraction as the documents were kind of due last week and his plan to get them done yesterday had been foiled when John had turned up on his doorstep.

John grunted a ‘Good Morning' as he passed by on the way to the coffee machine, receiving an equally literate response in return.  He refilled the pot then leant against the stove as he waited for it to peculate, glaring blearily at Cam as he did so.

"Tax forms?"  He asked.

Cam hummed in response having finally found the sheet he was looking for.  He turned to copy down the details then pulled out the page of numbers he'd written down earlier.  "Add these up for me, would you?"  He read the list out then copied down John's answer at the bottom, comparing it to the numbers on the printout sitting on the serviette holder.  "I'm 32 cents out.  Why am I 32 cents out?"

John glanced at the pages as he reached over Cam to pour more coffee into his mug.  He pointed at one of the equations scribbled alongside the text.  "You forgot to carry the two here, and...."  He nicked Cam's pen and adjusted the appropriate numbers, "this equals 96 not 88."   He kissed Cam good morning then moved back to the kitchen bench to pour his coffee.

"Thanks," Cam put a cross through the mistake and shuffled the sheets back into their misshapen pile.  "Do you have to go back to the Mountain today?"  He asked absently.

"Nope."  John sat down at the table cradling his coffee mug, not even bothering to try to find a place to put it down.  "I've got all day."  He smirked, lifting his feet so they rested on top of Cam's.  

Cam wiggled his toes and looked up again, trying not to notice how gorgeously dishevelled John looked staring into his coffee mug like that.  He really did have to finish these damn forms.  Really.  

Really, really.  

He stuck the end of his pen back in his mouth and picked up the forms again trying to ignore John's cold feet rubbing up against his shins.  He sighed somewhat wistfully as one foot made it all the way up to his knee.

"They're late, aren't they."  John muttered.

Cam frowned slightly.  "I blame the Ori."

John grinned. "I'm sure the tax office has something you can fill out to that effect."

Cam rolled his eyes.

"Going to take long?"  John sipped at his coffee, smirking. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Cam groaned, letting his head drop forward.

"I could provide some incentives."

"You mean distractions." 

"I hear you have exceptional focus and perform well under pressure."

Cam reached under the table and gripped John's ankle, preventing the situation from devolving any further. He and John stared at each other for a long moment while Cam tried to figure out if this was something John wanted, or whether it was something John thought Cam wanted. Because Cam sure as hell would enjoy it, but John had a habit of pushing too far and then clamming up and ghosting him afterwards, which Cam absolutely didn't want to suffer through.

He let his fingers trail up the back of John's calf and watched the flicker of apprehension cross John's features. A minuscule change in expression. Covered, as usual, by that infuriating smirk.

This whole thing would be a lot easier if Sheppard would learn to say ‘no'. And maybe learn to talk about how he was feeling. It was highly unlikely that was ever going to happen though so Cam had settled for learning to pick up on any other way Sheppard might communicate instead.

Even though he'd initiated it, Sheppard didn't want to do this. Time to abort.

Cam clamped his hand around Sheppard's ankle, reached beneath the table with his other hand and tickled him behind the knee.

John swore, trying to jerk out of Cam's grip and the ensuing tussle nearly upended the table. They both froze when the paperwork slid off the serviette holder, a single sheet teetering on the edge of the table. Cam released John's leg, gathering up the pages again instead.

"You have way too much faith in my ability to multitask," Cam said. "Keep your feet to yourself."

Sheppard's smile was open and genuine, if a little confused. Cam felt the need to reassure him this was ‘no, not right now', not ‘no' altogether. 

"You're staying on that side of the table, I'll finish this. We'll have actual breakfast and THEN we can go and have some fun."

John rolled his eyes. "Spoilsport." He relaxed into the dining chair, his arm draped over the back and his legs spread akimbo.

Cam wasn't sure if it was on purpose or not but the position was almost as distracting as Sheppard's creeping feet.

Either way it was definitely incentive enough to push him through the last bunch of calculations. He ditched the calculator and asked John to perform addition for him just because he could. It wasn't necessarily faster but it was way more entertaining. 

It also gave him the opportunity to give Sheppard a very proper thank you afterwards. Something less rushed with a little more feeling.

Later, when they were crawling into bed and trying to sort out a comfortable arrangement of limbs, John was weirdly more affectionate than usual. It definitely wasn't going anywhere because they'd just spent the entire day going there, but it kinda felt like it was a something that Cam should be paying attention to. He reciprocated, raking his fingers through Sheppard's hair and pressing his face against Sheppard's neck, trailing his other hand up and down Sheppard's back. Sheppard relaxed into him, breathing deeply.

"This is nice," he said.

"Yeah?" Cam wasn't sure what he was referring to. This specifically? The day? The situation? With Sheppard, who knew.

"Yeah."

Cam mentally made a list of everything they'd been doing so he could repeat it in future and maybe narrow down what he was doing right.

"Do you have work in the morning?" Sheppard placed a soft kiss to Cam's collarbone.

"No."

"Me neither. We should do this again tomorrow."

Cam groaned. "I'm all for marathon sex, but day two might be a little less energetic."

Cam felt John still against him and for a moment he thought he'd blown it.  John was going to shut down and pull away. Was he not referring to the sex? Was it this specifically? Was it something else?

Cam peered at John in the dark trying to interpret his expression. He didn't look upset though, he looked kind of sheepish.

"That's ok," John said, leaning down to press his forehead against Cam's sternum. Then he mumbled something into Cam's chest that was indecipherable.

"What?"

Cam could feel John screwing his face up.

"John?"

John sighed heavily and lifted his head. "I said, it might be a little lighter on the sex, heavier on the taxes." He buried his face against Cam's neck again. 

More taxes? "John, how long since you submitted them?"

"A couple of years."

"Years!"

"I was stranded in another galaxy!"

"You didn't set something up before you left?"

John shrugged. "It wasn't exactly at the forefront of my mind."

Cam took a deep breath trying to prevent his frustration from showing. He didn't really want to do years worth of taxes, but if Sheppard had left it this long he clearly wasn't going to do it on his own. He was also asking Cam for help which he literally never did. And whatever it was it was time spent with John which was a million miles better than time not spent with him. He could deal with this.

"Ok, so tomorrow we're going to find all your paperwork, figure out what you need to do, and print out the forms. It can't be that hard you haven't been here to spend any money. Then you'll be up to date and we can both do them on time next year."

He was prevented from saying anything else when Sheppard rose up and kissed him. Then he kissed Cam again, and again. Long and deep and thorough. Until his chest ached with the need to breathe. 

It could probably be passed off as a "thank you for agreeing to help me out", but Cam got the sense that it was more than that. A thrill passed though him. He'd mentioned the future and John hadn't run away.

When they settled down again Cam pressed a kiss to the side of John's head. He wanted to say things, he'd been holding onto them a long time, but this was the first time he'd ever had an inkling that John might be open to receiving them.

So he didn't say them, not yet. But maybe he could one day soon.

Notes: @kedreeva There you go, I wrote something.