sad1ands

[sad1ands]

it’s actually really important to realize that not only is recovery trying to be happy, is accepting when you aren’t. you can not be perfect and happy all the time, but you can deal with negative feelings in a healthy way and move forward. every day is a fresh start.

[sad1ands]

please don't forget about me and all the things we did.

but i know you will, anyway. 

[sad1ands]

A (love) letter.

You came into my life by surprise.

Deep inside of my cluttered mind, I know myself have always craved for the existence of someone, just like you. 

and so one day you came, by surprise. 

I wasn’t ready, it’s just like opening a box of gift that you’ve long forgotten about. The joy, the happiness, I wish I could keep it all.

Your existence may be new but everything that you said, everything that you liked, the way you speak, the way your mind works…gosh, why do I feel such magic rushing through? 

Do you remember the little promises we made? It slipped out casually from our mouths, but the weight of the promises, I carry it all with me. A burden that I don’t mind carrying on my shoulder. 

And all I tell to myself is, I want to keep you, forever. But I will never find the exact classification for you, or even for us. 

Sadly, this feeling is merely one-sided. At some point, I got really mad and sensitive, I start to analyze every details of your actions and words gradually leading to the dark hole of insecurities. 

And I came to the conclusion: I’ve been taken for granted. The anger build up and there I lose my senses or more precisely, my eyes unveil the things that I choose not to see. Not gonna lie I was mad, I was jealous. I thought at least, I could be a little special to you, just like how I always adored you. 

Alas, I was just another acquaintance in your eyes. 

[sad1ands]

i dreamt about you still,

why do you linger in my head my dear?

2:30 am

[sad1ands]

i wish you left my mind as quickly as you left me.

[sad1ands]

We rely so heavily on technology and social media that we forget to make real life connections. I’m not talking about texting, messaging, or video calls but actually making time for each other in real life. Show up at my door if you miss me. Don’t cry over the phone to me, my shoulders are right here if you need it. I want to hear your voice, unfiltered and raw. Don’t text me, but be next to me.

-Be here, not there.

-m.t.t.

[sad1ands]

Modern heartbreak is “read at 9:13 p.m.” when it’s 9:40. it’s unliked photos, it’s blocking and unblocking and blocking and unblocking. modern heartbreak is sick with being watched, it’s breakups playing out on twitter feeds, it’s unfollowed unfollowed unfollowed. it’s screenshotted photos that shouldn’t have been saved, it’s screenshotted texts meant for one person only. it’s seeing your ex lover with their new one, watching their lives playing out like yours didn’t, it’s phones thrown into bedroom walls when their profile changes from single to in a relationship. it’s snapchat stories to make that one person jealous because it feels like without them you’re nothing, it’s that one story expiring before they see it because they don’t give a fuck about you now and you know it, it’s deleting their contact info but wanting it tattooed on the back of your hand in case you ever want to call, it’s messy it’s messy it’s messy it’s so fucking messy because everyone fucking sees it and it never goes away.

[sad1ands]

5.11.18 // Monday Mood ✨

I have a positive mindset and hope for a good week! I need to manifest some positivity in my life after feeling stressed out about life and internship applications last week! I also played with photo editing and found a new way of editing photos in film photography style, so I hope you enjoy these! I’ll try to post more in the future!💕

Follow me on Instagram for more @academic.eve

[sad1ands]

[sad1ands]

to the boy who ripped my heart out, I had been through so much shit already. I’ve had my heart broken before. I’ve not ate for weeks, and drank nothing but alcohol for months. I’ve not slept at night and replayed abusive conversations over and over in my head. But none of that comes close to what you did to me. Because with the one who came before you I always knew something wasn’t right with him. I knew he wasn’t the one, and I knew my friends and family hated him, and I knew that nothing was ever going to work out. And I knew he didn’t love me. I mean seriously I knew. And after him I fell off the rails-fell apart maybe. I don’t know. Months flew by in a blur. Guy after guy after guy. But somewhere along the line I picked up a little bit of self worth- dusted myself off and felt like the woman I’ve always wanted to be. And I remember getting ready for that night, thinking to myself tonight will be the first I don’t feel the need to base my worth on a guy- the first night I honestly felt like the blur was finally coming to an end. But then you came along. I could sit here and describe you for years because truth is you probably were- and might always be- the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on. And you came and swept me off of my feet. For months, you made me feel like the only person in the world. You were the kindest, most incredible person I have ever been with. You’re the type of man I’d love to bring home to my family; polite, handsome, funny, intelligent, friendly and most of all- you weren’t like anyone else. You weren’t like all of the guys who came before you- especially not that one. You honestly had me falling for you from the first moment we spoke- I wasn’t faking feelings for once I genuinely have never felt like that about anyone in my life. It was a butterfly, heart racing, story book kind of romance, and because of you I finally had faith again. Faith that I actually could be one of those girls that’s lucky enough to find someone like you, to settle down, to finally be my best self, with someone like you by my side. And then one day you just left. You never messaged me again. Pretended I didn’t exist when you seen me. Left me wondering where I’d went wrong, no explanation, nothing. You fucking broke me. You really did. But even now, when I lie awake at night thinking of it- I blame myself. I make excuses for you, because in my eyes you can do no wrong, and if you ever came back to me I’d take you in with open arms. fuck you.

one step forward, two steps back x  (via wordsof-mine)

[sad1ands]

I fear I will never meet another person who can make my chest ache in the most divine way.

will anyone ever look at me the way he did? (via multa--paucis)

[sad1ands]

Moments Passed

A few days ago I experienced the bittersweet phenomenon which is both being part of, and witnessing, an experience fade into a moment, a moment fade into a memory.

When does the present become the past? How is it that, during certain experiences, we feel it, see it, as it gradually disappears? Yet sometimes, large chunks of our lives go completely unnoticed?

I believe it is those fleeting moments of pure comfort, freedom and happiness that we see fade; that sinking feeling in the belly, the mental surge of desperation to clasp onto a moment, a feeling, an experience which can never be experienced again. All while that person walks away, that door closes. We may never reach those feelings again.

- hopesofhalcyon

[sad1ands]

I don’t know when

I turned into the person

that accepted less

than I deserve

who makes excuses

for the inexcusable

who turns a blind eye

to the storm raging

in front of me

only to get blamed

for all the destruction

quietly picking up the mess

while sweeping the

broken pieces under the rug

only to find that there’s

not much room there anymore

[sad1ands]

“I should’ve known it was too good to be true”

—

a ten word story

[sad1ands]

falling out of love

it’s a painfully gruelling process. but god, does it feel good when you don’t think about them anymore. 

it’s

no longer waiting for that text,

no longer sneaking glances of them from across the room, 

no longer pondering if they ever see you at all, 

and in the beginning it’s replaced by this numb, bitter feeling of knowing that you’ll never be with them -- 

but you’ll realise there’s so much more to life than just them.

that you deserve more than how they make you feel. 

[sad1ands]

You’re ALLOWED to not like someone based on their past. You are ALLOWED to see only the bad parts of someone. You are ALLOWED to see one (1) thing someone has done and base your opinions of that person on that one (1) thing. Hey, you’re even ALLOWED to not like someone just because you don’t like how they look or what they do. But what you are NOT ALLOWED to do is mock someone’s death, say that “you’re glad”, or try and say that they are a terrible person because of one (1) thing and that they should be dead anyway. Someone being murdered in broad daylight should not be celebrated. Someone who was shot seven (7) times should not be celebrated by anyone no matter their past. Especially when that person was trying to better themselves and make the world a better place for those who love him. If you had a positive reaction to the events that happened today, please get the fuck out of my life.

[sad1ands]

Sometimes you can find someone who means everything to you, but maybe they find someone else who means everything to them. And that— that really ruins people.