sadpretty-blog-blog
sadpretty-blog-blog
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sadpretty-blog-blog · 8 days ago
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@ninagmelin/Instagram
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sadpretty-blog-blog · 8 days ago
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sadpretty-blog-blog · 9 days ago
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sadpretty-blog-blog · 9 days ago
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About to go full yellow wallpaper mode
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sadpretty-blog-blog · 1 year ago
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i need to talk to you about something thats been bothering me a lot
i have been having a lot of thoughts about our relationship and i've been going back and forth a lot for a while now about how i feel and i don't think i want to break up with you but these feelings have been building up for a while and i feel like i can't not talk to you about it. i already feel very guilty for keeping it in for so long but it's so hard and when i see you i don't want to talk about it i just want to try and relax and enjoy my time with you but when i'm alone it's hard to stop thinking about it when it comes into my mind
idk exactly what triggered this but there have been times for a while now maybe 2-3 months where i get the feeling that maybe we shouldn't be together anymore but it's very scary and not an easy thought to deal with so i push it to the back of my mind and hope it goes away. but eventually it comes back and idk what to do with these feelings other than just talk to you about it now and see where it goes and how you respond. i don't think you're a bad boyfriend or a bad person or that there's something wrong with you or even anything wrong with our relationship which is what makes this so hard to think about let alone talk about and thats part of why i haven't brought it up to you, because i don't even know where to start the conversation or where i want the conversation to end or how to move forward from it. if i don't even know what should change then what is there to talk about.
but it's unfair of me not to at least bring it up and see how you feel and just get it out in the open. i know i have always said i want to be with you forever and i always meant it
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sadpretty-blog-blog · 1 year ago
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i was re reading my last post and got to the part where i asked for a sign & happened to check the time. it was 2:22 so i looked up what that means and this came up
aurahealth.iohttps://www.aurahealth.io › blog › uncovering-the-mea...
Jul 1, 2023 — Angel number 222 urges us to embrace personal growth and self-improvement. It calls us to seek balance in our thoughts, emotions, and actions,
maybe a sign but also maybe a coincidence. idk universe if that was your sign plz send a more clear one lol
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sadpretty-blog-blog · 1 year ago
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reasons why i think we should break up
it is so unattractive how late he sleeps and how he goes to bed so late and just doesn't care. i don't want to be up on the phone talking to you until 1 am every night at all. and i know even after we get off the phone you're gonna be up until at least 3 am probably even later honestly like he told me he stayed up until 8 am like 2 weeks ago like why what the fuck are you even doing why do you want to be awake all night and asleep all day it's so unattractive. you're an adult you're not 17 anymore it's not cute it's not funny it's unattractive as fuck and makes you look so irresponsible. and when i sleep over i do not fucking want to be laying there next to you in the dark for hours on my phone waiting for you to get up. and i won't wake you up or just leave and start my day because then you'll be in a bad mood so i feel like i'm just stuck there waiting for you to decide you want to wake up when the day is halfway gone already. i want to improve myself and my life and there's only so many hours in the day to do that and i really don't want to start my day when the sun has already been up for 7 hours. it makes me not want to spend the night at your house. i also don't like sleeping at your house on weekdays when i have work the next day because you don't seem to understand how inconvenient it is for me to have to drive home and get ready and then drive to work like it adds an extra 30 minutes to my morning that i probably don't have because you love keeping me up all night to sit there and bullshit with you. you should understand that and want to make my life easier as my boyfriend but you don't and i know if i told you i don't want to sleep over on weekdays anymore you'd get pissed at me and take it personally.
i also hate that you haven't consistently worked in so fucking long. i know it's KIND OF out of your control right now but you haven't had a real job since you left licr and that was literally over 2 years ago and i know you made good money with the driveway thing and i told you not to go back this year but all you did was complain about how much you hated mitch and you said the money was good but it wasn't worth it. but again you're an adult you're almost 25 and i know the union shit is out of your control i know that but there are SO MANY other things you can be doing in the meantime to make money literally so many things. you talked about how bad you wanted this shit for years and now you have it and it's literally doing nothing for you and you're broke as fuck and don't seem to care at all. literally i don't know what you do all day while i'm working and busting my ass because i have bills to pay and want to be able to enjoy my life & you're sitting at home watching tv and playing video games and maybe going to the gym for a few hours a few days a week. you talked so much shit about chris not having a job or driving but honestly you're just as bad. i know you have a job but when was the last time you worked or got paid? and now you have no idea when you'll work again and its been over a month and you haven't done anything to try and make more money and when i give you suggestions you always have an excuse not to do them. it's so unattractive. and then you tell me how to spend my money. be so fucking for real PLEASE PLEASE get a fucking grip you cannot tell me how to spend the money i make when you can't afford anything.
you don't turn me on anymore. i am literally almost never horny anymore. i like having sex with you and you know how to make me cum so like we obviously get there but it just feels like something that happens now & not something i get excited about or want when it's not happening. and i 10000% know this is because of how much you talk about sex and how much you need to plan it out and how much you tell me about all the things you want to do that i am not interested in at all and how much you make me feel like i owe you orgasms and it makes sex feel like something i am supposed to do FOR you not something i desire to do with you. there's no foreplay there's no excitement it's just something that happens when you decide you want it to happen and honestly that makes me so angry. i have no desire to be sexy for you or send you pictures of myself or wear lingerie for you because you make it feel like it is something i owe you and i cannot stress that enough. i don't want to feel like i owe you anything sexually. i want to want to give it to you because you turn me on and make me want to do those things for you but i don't because i can see how entitled you feel to it and that's such a turn off. and if i don't feel turned on or sexually satisfied by you now and i'm only 23 years old i can only imagine how i'll feel in a few years.
those things are all reason enough but there are so many more little things.
i was so different at the beginning of our relationship. when you met me i was so young and insecure and anxious and i thought you were so cool and mature and better than me i just wanted you to think i was cool too. i wanted to be with you so bad i probably would've done almost anything to impress you. i rarely ever told you no, i picked up the phone whenever you called, i texted you back right away even if you didn't talk to me for weeks. i wanted you to like me so bad. and i think that really set the tone for the beginning of our relationship. i was so afraid to displease you so i did whatever you wanted, but i was very happy to. i never minded when you'd call me in the middle of the night or when you'd ask me for sex or hanging out immediately whenever you wanted to. those things don't really happen now (except for the sex) but i think i gave you the idea that i am always available at your beck and call and now i get uncomfortable disagreeing with you or telling you i want something other than what you want because i am nervous of how you'll react. i can't tell you i don't want to hang out because you won't take no for an answer and you'll convince me until i agree. last weekend when you fucking pissed me off and made me so fucking upset after telling me not to come over because i said i didn't want to suck your dick, you called me talked to me and told me that i actually should come over. i said no because i didn't want to anymore. you got upset at me. what the fuck do you want from me.
i think you are very emotionally immature and have a very big ego. i think you get offended way too easily and take things too seriously. you get mad so often over nothing. i'm so sick of hearing you raise your voice and complaining about the same things over and over again. i know life is hard and i complain a lot too everyone does its human nature but you can be so negative i can't listen to it anymore i just need to hear you say something positive for a change.
that's another thing too you don't really have anything positive to say very often. the only time you compliment me is after sex or in a sexual way. i really think you're unhealthily obsessed with sex and i think it comes from your sobriety and not being able to get high anymore so having sex is a way for you to get a release or a rush or whatever it is without getting high. but anyway i digress. you never call me pretty or compliment me or say sweet things about my personality unless we're already talking about how i look. you actually told me i ruined my hair recently and that was fucking mean. and you always tell me i should go to the gym more often and when i talk about wanting to eat "bad" things you tell me i shouldn't and there have been times you flat out tell me i don't deserve it. what the fuck is wrong with you who says that to anyone let alone their fucking girlfriend. if i was obese then sure tell me not to eat so much but i'm not and i know i have a healthy body and you fucking know that i already have body image issues and you think it's okay for you to say shit like that to me? it's not what you say that bothers me because i am confident enough in my skin but it's the fact that you say it at all. do you not have a fucking brain who the fuck says that. and i know i should go to the gym more often trust me i would love to it makes me feel great when i go but unfortunately for me i have a fucking job so it's kind of hard to make time between my long ass shifts and the 2 hour phone calls with my boyfriend about how much he hates all his friends.
there are also future things i worry about a lot. some of them superficial but they matter to me, and some of them are things which could genuinely become issues. i want to have a wedding. i want to get married. i want to have a beautiful and special wedding with the person i love and celebrate with our friends and family. you don't even know if you want to get married and you have expressed to me that you think weddings are too expensive. and trust me i know weddings are expensive i'm not disagreeing with that. but i don't want to marry someone who doesn't think we deserve to celebrate our love and our life together. and i also wonder what kind of father you'll be one day and if that's the kind of father i want my kids to have. i don't want our kids to have to struggle the way we did i want their lives to be so easy. i don't care if struggling builds character we'll build their character by teaching them to be good people and live happy lives. i'm not saying you'll be a bad father. i have no idea what kind of father you'll be it's too hard to say now. but i don't look at you and think "he's gonna be a great dad one day."
i don't want to bring you around my friends or family because you embarrass me. i feel like you don't know how to talk to people in a casual way. sometimes you do but other times you just come out with the weirdest questions and you interrupt people and it's rude. i'm afraid of what would happen if i left you alone in a room with my friends.
all of these things i'm saying are true. they may feel more true right now because you're not here with me in this moment. whenever i get super heavy into this mindset i start to feel so guilty because you have no idea that i feel like this right now and it makes me want to take it back and the next time i see you after a night like this it's like all these feelings just vanish. but within a few weeks or sometimes even a few days they come back and i don't know what to do with them. i don't know what to do with these feelings. i don't want to break up with you. i love you so very deeply. but i cannot help but wonder if our relationship is just comfortable and familiar. the thought of us actually breaking up makes me so scared i want to cry. i literally cannot imagine my life without you there would literally be a gigantic hole in my life. you are like my home literally when people call their lover their rock i get it because that's what you are for me. you're a constant and you're someone i know is always there and will always love me. i feel like without you in my life i would not be myself anymore i would become someone else and maybe that could be a good thing in some ways but i do not know if i want that. there have been moments i almost wish you'd do something so bad i'd have no choice but to break up with you but i don't think you'll do that. but i mean you never know you really blindsided me when you cheated on me for months with a girl i literally knew about.
there's that too which will never ever go away. no matter how good you treat me now, the fact that you cheated on me will always always always be true. and it's so embarrassing. i should not have taken you back but i did and we have had a great relationship since being officially back together but i should not have let you back into my life. it's such a weird feeling to trust you so much but somehow not trust you at all at the same time. i don't think you'd do it again but how the fuck could i know when i didn't think you'd ever do it in the first place?
i don't expect you to be perfect. i am not the perfect girlfriend or a perfect person by any means. i don't claim to be. i'm not mad at you for your shortcomings. but there are so many things i'm having such a hard time looking past. i need a sign so fucking badly or an answer so i know whatever i do is the right thing. i need to know for certain whether i'm supposed to still be with you and spend my life with you or if we are supposed to be apart, because if we ever break up again it's over for good. i won't do the whole back and forth thing with you again because it's too painful and confusing. if we break up we are completely done and that's so terrifying and i don't think i want that so if it does happen i need to be so completely sure.
i'm so confused and don't know what to do or how to feel i really hate this.
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sadpretty-blog-blog · 1 year ago
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i love you and i always will love you but do i love YOU anymore? do i still love the person that you are or do i just feel love for you? do i even like the person you are? do i like the things you like do i feel that i can live up to your expectations of me do i feel like i can give you what you want do i think you deserve the things you want do i think you can give me the things i want in the future do we want the same things in the future? i always said i wanted to be in each other's lives forever i never imagined my future without you in it and if i did imagine that it was out of fear, not curiosity or desire.
do i love the way you make me feel? i don't know. you make me feel bad a lot of the time. i don't even think i'm angry at you at all i don't even know if i care i just don't feel anything. and i don't feel this way about anything else in my life right now i'm not unsure about any of my friendships or about myself or how i spend my time or my career or literally anything besides our relationship. i used to be so sure i wanted to marry you but something in me lately a very small part of me lately keeps making me second guess. there have been a few times in the past few months i almost thought we should break up. but then you say something nice or i get upset and scared because i don't want to accept it.
i don't like the way you think. i think you think you deserve whatever you want from me, no excuses. i don't think you'd ever flat out say it to me but i can tell by the way you react when i tell you no. sometimes when i tell you no you tell me you're not mad or you don't care or it's not a big deal but i have to wonder whether you're trying to convince me or yourself. today i told you i was too tired to suck your dick and you told me not to come over tonight. you made me so upset but i somehow was not 1000% surprised. i was expecting you to say you were kidding but that never happened. you made me so upset i don't think you even fully comprehend why that was wrong of you and that makes me so fucking angry you're an adult and what you said made me feel so disrespected. and yes you apologized you know you shouldn't have said that but why the fuck would you say that? i know why you said it though i know you care more about getting off than i ever have or will in my life and i know you think i owe it to you because you're a good boyfriend to me. you made sure to remind me that you painted my apartment for me and that you bought me groceries and that you did me suuuuch a huge favor by not asking me for head after inviting yourself to my apartment after i worked a 10 hour shift.
i don't like talking on the phone after work anymore but i know i can't say that or you'll get upset and make me feel guilty for it and not take no for an answer and try to change my mind. and my mind will not change but i will pretend it did to get you to stop talking. i don't think you understand at all how emotionally and physically draining my job is. i don't think you understand the strain it takes on my body. i'm not asking for a pity party, i chose to do what i do and i knew what i was getting myself into. i don't want you to feel bad for me. i want you to understand that after work i do not want to come to your house and bend over for you or suck your dick i want to lay down and close my eyes and not move. and i do not fucking want or need deep emotional conversations or conversations about nothing or to hear you complain about your friends who you don't even like at 12:45 am on a thursday night. i spend the whole day being someone else's bitch and taking care of strangers and putting on an emotional show some days. so when i get home from 10 hours of that i don't exactly feel like chit chatting about what you ate for dinner or just sit there not speaking when i have things i want to do for myself.
maybe i am being selfish maybe i am just really tired of feeling like i am walking on eggshells with your feelings and need to appease you no matter how badly i don't want to because i don't want to deal with you throwing a tantrum or turning over in bed and not talking to me for hours. i think you're not as half as emotionally mature as you think you are. i don't think you realize how egotistical you are. you are so egotistical. you feel that everyone owes you something just because you think you deserve it. i don't think you're very patient. i don't think you're open minded or understanding. you always interrupt me. that shows me you don't care about anyone's thoughts but your own. i think when your mind is set no one can change it and you literally cannot comprehend the idea that other people's opinions may be correct if they are not the same as yours. "i don't feel that way how can it be true if i don't feel that way?" anorexics don't feel that they're skinny, is it not true that they are skinny?
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sadpretty-blog-blog · 1 year ago
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What I need rn
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sadpretty-blog-blog · 1 year ago
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sadpretty-blog-blog · 1 year ago
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sadpretty-blog-blog · 2 years ago
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me when im in love and they’re not
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sadpretty-blog-blog · 2 years ago
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everybody leaves me.
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sadpretty-blog-blog · 2 years ago
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sadpretty-blog-blog · 2 years ago
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sadpretty-blog-blog · 2 years ago
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In the haze
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sadpretty-blog-blog · 2 years ago
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Clutter
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