salmonmutt

[salmonmutt]

[salmonmutt]

the economy is in shambles

[salmonmutt]

they're hiring me at the extra virgin olive oil factory as the oathsworn knight who protects the chastity of the olives

[salmonmutt]

Loved one got top surgery yesterday so I made this for him but I think y’all would appreciate it too

[salmonmutt]

one time i visited a cemetery and this one dude's grave had THE sexiest male angel statue i've ever fucking seen. like. he was nude except for a sword and helmet. he had nipples. you could see his entire bare thigh. what a baller move to put an ancient athenian's wet dream on top of your eternal resting place. i think about him a lot.

[salmonmutt]

forever grateful i was simply too lazy to let the makeup industrial complex get its hooks in me. I was just like im not doing all of that. in fact. im doing none of that

[salmonmutt]

[salmonmutt]

[salmonmutt]

my gay friend said he wants to try vagina (mine). he said he is not bi but after a traumatic car accident he thought about vagina yesterday.

should we have sex and is this a phase???? he has only been with men btw

i guess that makes sense i mean he was in a car accident

[salmonmutt]

can the next trend be bush poking out the top of your trousers PLEASE

[salmonmutt]

thoughts on women ?

yes. 24/7. consistently.

[salmonmutt]

Girls are hot, full homo

[salmonmutt]

[salmonmutt]

me: im gonna be agreeable today and not cause problems

me 5 minutes later:

[salmonmutt]

Made it all the way to work and realized I forgot my cyanide pill in case of capture

[salmonmutt]

Wyll motivation for the week <3

I think I saw Karlach version sometime and thought Wyll needed one too

[salmonmutt]

what will it be, boss? the comfort of misery or the pain of change?