samanthamafineart-blog

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Artist statement-Sept-Dec 2017

 Drastic changes to life will inevitably impact the creative process. This is what I was faced with upon returning to my second year of the course. Early on I knew that I wanted to explore the impacts of the unspoken, mental illness. Past pieces that I have created have always stemmed from a self-narrative, but I found that whatever the subject matter, I`d always touched upon it many years later. So this time I decided that this wouldn't be the case anymore. I knew that when starting this chapter of work that it may be tough. And it has been, I found researching into BP(Bipolar Disorder) to be more than disturbing as each piece of text I would read would instantly take me back to a situation that I can never relive nor can I go back and correct. This being said I don't regret taking this step in my practice, but I do hope that the process of creating picks up to pace sooner rather than later.

 During the three-week residency at Make studios, I used the experience to toy around with how I would create work around what had been happening in reflection of recent weeks/months of my life. This I found to be the hardest part of the whole semester. I hadn't considered what I would be like to explain my work to the group. And having the text projected there on the wall for all of my fellow artists to see soon made me realize that I wasn't as strong as I thought I was. I felt ashamed. Not by the work, or even because they thought they were my words on the wall, I felt that by reading those words that they knew everything they had happened, but of course they didn't. It was only me that read each image and instantly went back to the moment of receiving those words. It was then that I knew I would spend the next weeks rethinking everything that I thought I had already figured out.

 I`d thought about how I wanted to display my work for the December exhibition for a while. I knew that I wanted to try painting on a much larger scale, but I knew this wouldn't`t be achievable for the show due to the lighting and space we where using. Alternatively I thought about using projections of my paintings, mainly to see how they worked on different scales . Had it of not been for this being a complete disaster when experimenting with the projector testing the scale of my work, I believe my work would have failed as a piece otherwise. Before I knew it I wasn't viewing my work as my own, I was seeing where it would fit best for the show, and how I could make it suitable for not only myself but for the show altogether. Considering how I could use the space creatively rather than just making a piece to fit pretty on a wall. I believe that up until this point on the course, that day has been the most valuable in terms of my practice and for myself as an artist. I have always tried to make sure that my work worked well alongside others in the past but having a clear picture in my mind of how my work would look, then for something such as lighting to throw my whole idea out of the window, for sure changed my thinking on installing for an exhibition.

 As well as that lesson above being valuable to my practice I found it eye opening just how much I enjoyed figuring out where my piece would fit best. This with helping other guys who didn`t have as much spare time as I did to install I found I really enjoyed this aspect of building an exhibition. Almost as much as actually creating the work in the first place, if not a little more!

Photography and painting have been the main mediums that support my practice. Moving back and forth from colour to black and grey. For a while this bothered me a immensely as I felt I couldn't`t decide, which was making doubt myself and my work, but admittedly I`m enjoying not having to control everything in my practice too much. I`m learning to move with the work I produce, and even bringing abandoned pieces back into play through new works. I no long disregard any piece of work, which is something I've had trouble with for many years. 

 I hope to continue to explore mental illness, and perhaps other issues that many avoid speaking about through my art work. I feel that my work may have a purpose now, and through this platform I`d like to raise awareness about mental illness and perhaps other topics in the future. I've found that my work has changed a lot since starting the course, and changed even more so in the past three months.

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Im currently exploring ways in which i can bring the identity of mental health issues into my practice, using subtle references to the state of mind. Here i have painted on glass, mirroring the fragile state, glass being solid but can easily be broken, causing damage with high impact. 

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Finding experimenting with multiple materials and surfaces i decided to explore ink rather than the usual paint. My usual painting style is expressive and slightly abstract so to do something on a smaller scale(A4) i found incredibly satisfying. Ive been working on a few pieces, sketched above, and thinking of transitioning from paper to canvas to see if they work as well on a slightly larger scale but with the same amount of detail. Using green as the like between bipolar disorder, once again subtle insights into mental health. 

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This is an edit i created from the painting i had made for the December show. Here i have used the outline of the painting with a landscape to fill in the centre of the piece. The photograph was something i had captured early last year, to me it represents one of the happiest times in my life, this alongside the painting representing the opposite, the darkest. The combination of both images merged together i feel creates something beautiful yet distressed. This is one of the more simple pieces i have created but i feel it works well in reflection to what I'm trying to convey through my work, trauma and peace trapped within.

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Admittedly i was surprised with how well my work came together for the Ghost exhibition. Even though my original idea was something completely different in terms of appearance to what i displayed, the response i received where very complimentary. Above show how my work was displayed during the exhibition, and i learnt here the importance of lighting. Installing early hours but showing later in the evening, within a space that was exposed to natural light was brilliantly challenging. I really enjoyed the frustration of figuring our where my piece would fit within the space, and even though i came to a stand still of not knowing how i would install, it was taking a step back and reviewing what it was about the space that i disposed so much and figuring out how to use this to enhance my work, this issue being the statue. 

The space in which we installed is known for this figure, and due to the about of artists showing in the same place, and not wanting to disturb other people work due to mine not working, i was left to figure out a new way to get my piece the recognition i wanted it to. 

I had used a tv monitor to display work in the past, which i didn't find helpful to my practice, and once i thought about using a screen i instantly went back to that piece that in my mind was a failure. So like the space i was in, rather than dismiss this i tried to figure out why the previous piece had failed. I experimented with the positioning of the monitor, adjusting the lighting etc, and the suddenly, after hours of nothing, it clicked. The images above show the tv monitor leaning against the statue, and i think they compliment one another extremely well. At first i wasn't so sure that people would agree, as it is in fact a tv next to a statue, but the vulnerability of my work against a piece so strong, physically and symbolically i think worked very well in the end. 

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Here you can see how my piece has a completely different look during the daylight. The space absorbs every bit of light imaginable, and figuring out where is best to display a screen, knowing it will appear totally different in just a few hours time was difficult say the least. 

The tv held  a series of five images displayed on a loop, leaving just enough time for the viewer to see the images but not necessarily hold the complete concept that each image depicts. 

The idea here was to show how quick the mind flickers with BP, whilst displaying content within each image regarding the past few months having BP as apart of my everyday life. 

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A brief experiment with images/video. Here i have layered eyes of a healthy mind and a mentally ill mind. Expressing that just because you can't see it doesn't mean its not there. I intend to go back to think and develop it further as film is something I've wanted to try but haven't found the right piece of work to explore it with yet, but i think through this project ill be able to use it to its full potential. 

The power of emotion through film is something Bas Jan Ader mastered, and its this piece that inspired me to work in this medium. 

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Initially my idea when displaying the edits of my painting was to project them on a large scare onto a blank white wall. My aim in presenting my work in this way was to see how they worked on a larger than life scale, for me to decide on the scare of future paintings, but also to display them in an unnoticeable way. The scale of Paolo Buroni’s projections is what i had in mine for my own work, but due to the lighting this wasn't possible for this exhibition. 

Above you are able to see the scale of the projection in comparison to the people standing beneath. Although they appear large here, the lighting effected the desired look. That alongside the location of the projection would mean that my work wouldn't fit well with the other work being exhibited. And would more than likely be missed from the exhibition altogether. This is something i have done many times in the past, but with this piece i felt it was important to have its own place within the show, for everyone to be able to see. 

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Layering two images to create one, i used the painting of the lady and the text i had written on the wall at Make to create this piece. I was told that this piece resembled something similar to the works of Banksy, and with me experimenting with scale and painting i can see how this has happened. That and the colour within both pieces, has made me want to perhaps create a painting in this style rather than creating an edit from previous works. 

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Edits of my painting, using the shape of the painting to create the image, but filling content from my life in regards to BPD. 

Top left - landscape photograph i had taken after the incident.

Top right - Text messages which displayed many changing emotions.

Bottom - bringing colour into sadness, another landscape photograph taken afterwards. 

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The original painting was ruined but this image above is one i was able to capture before totally destroying the work. Before i had ruined the image i had intended to create something totally different as the above image was only one aspect of my initial idea. However, had i not have ruined my own work i wouldn't have got to the piece i showed at the December exhibition, so although i was frustrated with myself, it lead to the piece that it did, and I'm still continuing to create from this piece even today.

Black and white oil on canvas.

My own design.

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Gary Grayson

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Watercolour experiment, what its like to love a broken mind. 2017.

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layering nature with nature, landscape and the human mind.

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Merged image.

I find this imaged incredibly haunting. And although I believe it to be a strong piece, i don't feel able to exhibit it in any form as of yet. This may change through out the year but for now it will remain in the dark.

If i was to show this id project it on a large scale to show the detail of a frightened mind. Id also like to see how it would work framed, trapped behind glass, this is something i may try in future experimentations.

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B.A piece 2014//2015

This images is from a piece i created a few years back representing trapped by dreams and living nightmares. I remember this piece when seeing the look in the eyes of the mentally ill, and decided to lawyer images as if our minds had crossed paths.

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Mental illness can turn the most intelligent of men into having the mental state of a child. With this in mind during the residency at Make i decided to act like a child whilst conveying the messages i was receiving, revealing the true identity of the disorder and showing just how cruel it can be. 

The statement - I don't know whats real anymore - really hit me when i received it. By this stage i felt his pain, and thats one of the things about mental illness, you can feel it, but you can't see it. So playing on the childlike scenarios that can occur when dealing with BP i decided to re write these statements on the wall using crayons. I used primary colours as they are eye catching and not all visible to read, yellow in particular. Not ass signs of the illness being visible or eve known.